Return What's Mine
by Don'tBeLame
Summary: Sequel to Fear is Tomorrow, modern AU. Set over seven months after the attack on the compound, the survivors have come to cope in different ways, some possibly more harmful than others. The business is more dangerous than ever. A baby is on the way. And, despite everything, more than one mystery looms on the horizon, and one way or another, the future must be met.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: This is a sequel to Fear is Tomorrow, so you'll probably be fairly confused it you just jump in here, though feel free if you'd like… regardless, happy to find how quickly this story conceived itself in my head after I ended the last one… very excited to see where this one goes.**

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

" _ **I don't want to pretend that I'm stronger for it all**_

 _ **I don't want to pretend that the sadness is gone**_

 _ **'Cause I wanna know that I'm steady on my feet**_

 _ **I don't want to pretend so peace will be real to me"**_

 _ **-Hands Like Houses**_

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The cars sat still, purring and waiting patiently for their occupants to enter as exhaust hissed off towards the cold sky. Around the two vehicles, the four stood waiting for the last of their number to join them.

Blonde hair being tossed gently by the frigid breeze, one of them toed the ground, somewhat impatiently. She glanced to the side at her friend who was tapping the butt of her rifle against the side of the car, in what could have been an almost habitual way. Catching her gaze, the brunette swallowed and ceased, eyes cast down.

With clear native complexion written into the details of her face, another of them sighed and walked around the side of the car, trying to ignore the fact that she was, once again, leaving the person most important to her. Unable to keep her restraint in check, she turned to stare longingly at the massive wall that hid the inner workings of their occupational standing. Catching the gaze of her friend, the fourth person standing around in the twilight air, she returned the reassuring smile she was given, though she knew no amount of reassurance would ever fully comfort her.

Finally, the back door swung open, and their fifth strode out. Walking briskly forward, a dead fire in her eyes, she turned to look at none of them, though they all had come to expect that. They followed as soon as she had passed and mounted up into the vehicles. They needed only one, but the taking of two imposed the impression that they were greater in number, an old scare tactic if nothing else.

As door slammed shut, the blonde turned to briefly eye her friend who stared impassively forward, mouth hidden behind her red scarf. Knowing she wasn't going to get a look back, she returned her gaze forward, looking at the sun that dipped ever closer to the horizon.

"Thirty minute drive. We'll jam comms when we're close."

"They expecting?"

"Doubt it. We've no reason to believe they're that smart."

Nodding, and blinking past the jet-black hair that partially shrouded her face, the fifth shifted the SUV's gear and led the way into the mountains.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Nestled within the building that housed all of his dealings, Alex kicked up his legs and stared out the window, deep in thought. After everything that had transpired, he dared to wonder if they had gotten away with it. By all means, they should have had people from three different groups banging on their door, threats spewing from their mouths, but their mountain pass hideout had seen no outsiders approach in weeks.

The intercom on his desk flashed with its green glow and he punched it, breath catching in his throat as it always did.

"Boss, some of the men are getting a little antsy about… you know."

Clearing his throat which hadn't known the feeling of speech in so many hours, he replied shortly.

"Tell them not to worry, I'll be down in a few minutes."

"Alright."

Alex waited as he didn't hear the usual click of the hang-up.

"I gotta say, I can't believe we did it. But we covered our tracks and we did what we had to do."

After nodding for several seconds, Alex realized that his compatriot couldn't see him.

"We did."

"What are you gonna do with your share? Buy a house? Move to Europe?"

Smiling at the seemingly limitless possibilities that did indeed stand before him, Alex stood.

"We'll see. Down in a second."

Ending the conversation himself, he pressed his knuckles against the desk and lowered his head and exhaled long and loud. He supposed the gravity of it all hadn't quite set in yet. For such a small organization, they had achieved more in a couple months than he could have deemed possible. As long as everyone played it safe…

Rapping his knuckles, he quickly marched out his abode, deciding that he wanted to be done with this as soon as possible. He walked down the hallways, dragging his fingers along the walls, wondering if he would miss the place. He certainly wouldn't be coming back.

 _Can't pretend._

With difficulty, he drew upon his consciousness to find the words of… victory? That seemed an okay word to use. He would need to thank them, congratulate them, but far more importantly, to remind them to be careful with their earnings. Laughing at his choice of the word, he grabbed the door handle to the large room that housed most of their briefings.

Or, at least he tried, as the moment the door swung open, he was knocked over by someone barreling through the door. Hitting the hall behind him, he cursed and looked angrily at the person who had nearly given him a concussion. Gus stared back at him, eyes wild and body language alarmed; the sight of him diminished Alex's anger, but only slightly. He dragged himself up, making no attempt to hide his annoyance.

"Some sort of hurry, Gus? I said I would be right… "

"They're coming."

Alex blinked as an invisible hand grabbed at his heart.

"Who's coming?"

Gus stared back, shaking his head and looking increasingly panicked.

"It has to be them."

"Did you seem them?"

"I… I didn't… "

"Did you. See them."

"No. But who else could it be?"

Turning and running back to his room, Alex could hear Gus pounding after him.

"Cameras picked up two black SUVs coming up the pass, driving right fast."

The door banged against the wall as he threw it open, snapping his computer on and pulling up footage of the outside lot. He waited with bated breath as Gus shut up. For what was at least a minute, he watched the screen, the tension becoming more and more thick. In his peripheral, he saw Gus's eyes flashing between him and the screen.

"Maybe… maybe there was a bug in the cameras… picked up something that had happened a long time ago or… "

Swift and clean, two identical SUVs pulled into the lot parking evenly alongside each other. Heart pounding harder than should have been possible, he dug his fingernails into the wooden surface. Then, on the screen, the door swung open and an unmistakable young woman slid cleanly out. Alex swore and put a hand to his forehead, reeling wildly; Gus dropped his head and began shaking it in frightful distress.

"Oh God… what do we do… what the holy hell do we do… "

Remembering his position as a leader, Alex straightened and snapped at his friend.

"Tell everyone to do nothing hostile. Act as if nothing is wrong. They'll slaughter us if they see reason to."

Gus nodded frantically and rushed to the door.

"I'll do that. But then, I'm out of here."

They stared at each other a moment.

"You're running?"

"I'm leaving."

"There's a difference?"

His friend snapped, arms flailing, and eyes now wide with obvious fear.

"We should never have tried to hide it! Now they're here! And I don't want to die!"

Alex took a step forward.

"We're not going to die. They don't know what we did."

Giving him one last terrified look.

"They will."

And he was out the door; Alex could hear him sprinting down the hall before the door swung shut. Swallowing and trying to convince himself he was in control of the situation, he looked back to the footage being played live over his computer. They were all out of their vehicles now and most were marching to the doors of the building. He sat down, rocking in his chair, praying he didn't hear gunfire.

After several painful seconds, his intercom crackled.

"Hey, we've got some pretty… "

He heard no gunfire, but audible sounds of a struggle played furiously through the speaker which ended with what were unmistakably the tunes of bodies collapsing. After a bout of silence, a female voice, clear and menacing, sliced at his soul.

"Open up, Brewer. Or do I have to destroy everything that stands between me and you?"

Licking his lips, which had become remarkably dry in such a short time span, he somehow allowed some smartass to slip into his voice.

"I'm flattered you think so much of me."

He cursed himself quietly, and punched the key that slid open the blast doors that shielded the entrance. Pacing around his desk once or twice, he took deep breaths to calm himself.

 _Innocent… you are innocent. Don't be scared, they have nothing on you. Act calm and you'll be fine. Act calm, act calm, act…_

No more time was given to him to try and calm himself as his door was kicked open with all the force and surprise of a bomb going off. Looking up he found himself staring down a silencer which was attached to a heavy pistol; the young woman who held it had a chill to her gaze that did the job of holding him almost perfectly in place. The fact that she was considerably shorter than him did nothing to sway the intimidation he felt.

"Guns."

He swallowed, trying to look politely bemused.

"Uh… one on me, one in the front drawer."

She walked smoothly around the desk, gun still pointed right between his eyes. Continuing his façade, he gave her a pair of raised eyebrows.

"Can I ask what this is about?"

Through her blonde hair, she looked at him with an almost painful amount of condescension.

"You can."

Swiftly, she relieved him of both his firearms.

"But I'm not going to answer."

She moved back to the door and she gave him a look that almost had him wishing she would have just beat the hell from him instead.

"You know damn well why we're here."

And she was gone. As the door swung shut behind her, he slumped forward, knuckles on the front of his desk as fear pounded through his veins.

 _They know… how the hell do they know, how could they have any fucking idea…_

He desperately started pacing, taking deep breaths and running through every possible excuse in his head, trying to decide which one he liked the best.

 _Play it cool… try and bounce blame to someone else… who? …doesn't matter… anyone… just need to…_

"Those look to be the exact movements of someone trying to convince themselves that they're guiltless."

Alex almost fell as he spun on his heel; in the doorway, looking both annoyed and amused behind a red scarf, was her. In a desperate and fast attempt to regain his footing, he swelled up with something that he hoped could pass for anger.

"Actually, I was wondering why in the hell you people come barging in here like you own the place, stick us up, take our weapons like we did anything to warrant such damn inexcusable behavior, believe me, when I… "

As he spoke, he found himself almost believing the words that spewed from his mouth, anger cloaking the fear. While he rambled, she slowly walked into the room and up to him, and he found himself silenced as she lay a finger across his lips. He swallowed as she pulled free her phone and swiped the screen a few times; finding what she was looking for, she it up for him to get a good look. On the screen was a body, shot and slashed. The jacket on the body was pulled back to reveal a hidden holster, a wallet, and a bag of…

The fight rushed out of him as he knew how they had known. Why they were here.

And why he didn't have any chance of making it out of there alive.

He silently prayed that Gus had made it out of there while he still could, and he decided that if anything was to be done at that point, it wasn't going to be in his own self-interest.

"Look, you got me. I'll admit it. I fucked up and you got me."

She stared back, her expression unreadable; he put up his hands.

"But this was all me. No one else knew what I wanted to do, they thought it was above board and… "

He got out nothing more than this as her fist flashed across the distance between them and pulverized his gut. Gasping, his legs wobbled and a sharp kick to the side of his knee caused him to scream in pain and drop to the ground. Pulling for air, he curled up and grabbed at his knee, which may very well have now been broken. In his peripheral, he saw her crouch beside him; he felt surprise through his fear, as her fingers ran delicately through his wavy hair.

"Alex, you and I both know that is proper bullshit. I know bullshit when I hear it, I've been dishing it out my whole life."

Managing to get ahold of his breathing, he found himself praying that his death would be swift. He felt himself give an uncontrollable shiver as her fingers reached his neck.

"Every single fucking person in this building knew exactly what you wanted to go down. And they were all on board. Hell, I don't blame them. You guys pull this off, you all get an early retirement and enough money to give you a good wrap."

She stopped moving.

"But you got careless."

Her fingers clenched on his hair and yanked him up; he howled as she dragged him almost effortlessly to his desk which he was slammed to.

"Now you're trying to talk your way out of it."

Wheezing in breath, Alex choked out,

"I'm trying to save them!"

Her eyes narrowed a moment then, she straightened and released him; he collapsed against the side of his desk, panting. He dared to watch her as she walked the window, which overlooked the mountains beyond. Slowly, she shook her head.

"Why… why is everyone trying to save someone else… "

Seeming to shake free of whatever thought was holding her in place, she turned and walked back to him.

"Whatever. To a certain extent, you are in control here."

Almost immediately, a cocked handgun was against his temple.

"Tell me who put you up to it."

"What? No one, this was for me, for us! We didn't want this to go any farther than it did! We just… "

Giving a short, exasperated sigh, she dragged him to the ground and climbed on top of him, forcing his face in the floor.

"What the hell are you… "

He screamed again as her hand yanked his pants down and he heard the unmistakable sound of a knife being drawn. Kicking wildly with his legs, he felt cold metal brush against his rear.

"I don't want lies, Alex. I want the truth. Do you want these people to live, or not?"

"I do, I do, I do, I'm telling the truth, this was for us, no one else!"

It came very close to piercing him.

"Last chance."

Trying desperately not to beg, he took several quick, deep breaths to steady himself.

"I can't tell you any other way. I'm not lying."

He jammed his eyes shut, ready for the pain he knew was coming. Instead, he felt her breath on his ear.

"Alright."

Opening his eyes, he looked back at her in surprise. She stood, sheathing her knife and looking back at him that wasn't quite pity.

"I believe you."

She drew a finger to where an earpiece must have been.

"We're good. End it."

For a moment, he looked bemusedly at the door as muffled gunfire and shouts assaulted his ears. Looking back to her, mouth agape, he found he could do nothing more than stare as she eyed him the same way a disappointed parent looked at their child.

"You didn't really think anyone other than you was getting out of here alive, did you?"

He snapped finally, and roared in anger, before a boot slammed into his face and sent him into darkness.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

She sat at the computer, cursing her uselessness.

Having gone over the records again and again, she knew that the more she did it, the antsier she would become. It was already half-driving her crazy.

But there was nothing she could do. She had made this choice and was living with it.

Not for the first time, she ran a hand over her stomach, the large curve of it ever an indicator of what was so close, but what still seemed so far away. It could be any day now, that day where everything was going to change. In so many ways, it was going to change. She still had no idea how things would become different; she was far more scared than she was ever going to admit.

 _This is a good thing. A good thing._

She sat back and closed her eyes, smiling. In her head, she saw the three of them, sitting on the porch, sun high in the sky. The house wasn't detailed vividly in her mind, but it didn't need to be. All that mattered was the three of them, happy and safe.

 _Safe._

Sitting back up, she frowned. What did it mean to be safe anymore?

 _Away from anything that could be physically harming… or… or…_

She grit her teeth and shook her head.

 _Later… that comes later… think of right now._

And she returned to the horrifying place in her mind, a place where she normally had to venture to multiple times a week. A place where she waited, waited for the one person she truly loved to return to her.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

 _I can't change it._

 _None of it. I just want it to be over. But it can never end. Because I failed._

 _I made something of it. I fooled myself to believe I could be happy. That because of what we had, I could someday move past everything that's happened. Run away together. Grow old._

 _Stupid. Fucking stupid._

 _But I won't stop. I promised._

 _And that's really all I have left._

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Around it, the grass grew.

Around it, the earth changed, slowly as if to be unnoticeable. The trees came to fruition, green leaves blooming from branches that hung above it. Then, as cold crept through the forest, the green became orange, then yellow and fell. Wind blew them about as the earth shifted around it.

But never to consume it.

Not quite.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been dark for a long time.

Lying on his side on the hard, cold floor, Alex swallowed as he rubbed his arms, trying to get himself to stop shivering. It wasn't easy; wherever he was, it was meant to be cold. He stared in the direction of the now empty plate which he had stumbled into when he had woken up. Despite the footprint in the sandwich he had made, he had devoured the food in a flash, and now was spending his time wishing the dish would magically refill.

Giving what was both a moan and a howl, he slammed his hand against the wall and dragged his nails against it, relishing in the feeling, however painful it was. He had fucked up. He had fucked up so bad, and now he was paying for it. He didn't know how many hours he had been locked away in complete darkness, but it was more than enough time for him to curse himself in every way possible for letting it come to this. He thought to each and every person who had been in their hideaway who was no dead because of what he had done. In all honesty, he didn't think he had any tears more to cry.

His mind was just starting to drift to the possibility of suicide and how it could be achieved with his very limited means when the heavy clanking of what must have been the door gave him cause to jump. A latch was pulled back and the very heavy metal barrier swung open, temporarily blinding him as light poured into his makeshift cell.

"I hope you haven't been awake too long."

Blinking and squinting, he brought his eyes up to see a woman standing in the doorway, her shadow cast over him. All he could make out of her was a black silhouette, but a quick flash on what must have been her glasses told him immediately who this was. His voice cracked over its period of nonuse.

"Long enough."

He wished he could see her face as she leaned against the doorframe, appearing as nonchalant as ever.

"You know why you're here?"

Bowing his head, Alex fretted over the answer before realizing that his response definitely didn't matter.

"Because I stole from you."

"Wrong."

He blinked.

"What?"

"You're here because you got sloppy. You were caught."

Not replying, he knew now that she was just here to play with him. She waited several long, echoing seconds before sighing.

"I'm in a conundrum, Alex."

He still refused to look at her as she continued.

"I don't know what to do with you. I ordered that you were to be brought back here, but I don't know what to do with you know… we got all of your associates, we found the money you took, and all of your product has been seized. So… at this point, I just don't… "

"Kill me then."

She stopped and he could feel her eyes boring into him.

"Pardon?"

"So fucking kill me."

"Is that what you want?"

Suddenly, he was furious. Rolling onto his hands and knees, he glared at her.

"What does it fucking matter?! All I had is gone! It's over, there's nothing left for me, why the fuck are you playing with me like this?! You enjoy it, you twisted bitch?! Just end it, for fuck's sake!"

Panting, he allowed his gaze to drop to the ground, where he fell to, praying that his disrespect would be enough for her to end him. But instead, he heard her pace across the distance between him before she reached down and took his chin, bringing him up to meet her eyes.

"I don't think I will. There may be use for you yet… "

And he saw the look in her eyes and he knew then, that whatever she had in mind for him, made death quite the preferable option.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Cursing the ineptitude of her underlings under her breath, Annie marched down the hall to Hange's office, folder tucked under her arm. She should have been up there twenty minutes ago, but someone was going to have to whip the people in charge of filing into place; Annie was done waiting on something that should have done yesterday.

 _Hell, maybe I'll give them a talking to myself._

She knew she was more feared than anything around the compound and she liked it that way. If she could use that power to get some more productivity out of the rats downstairs, perhaps she'd better.

"Hange, c'mon, this is bullshit, how the fuck can you just let this slide… "

She could hear Sasha's furious rantings well before she had reached the door to the office and gave a sigh, tossing a streak of her hair aside. It wasn't difficult to guess what the brunette was up in arms about, and it was twice as foolish to assume that she wouldn't be pissed as hell after finding out.

Swinging the door open, she gave the room a quick glance around to get a grasp on the situation. As expected, Sasha was leaning over Hange's desk, fists clenched and looking to be in both states of ire and disbelief. Ilse was behind her, looking subdued as though she had come to terms with whatever the argument was focused on. Mikasa was leaning against the right wall, looking almost bored with her arms crossed and eyes down. To the left stood both Ymir and Krista, very close to each other and both looking at least mildly angry, if not to the extent of their friend. Striding through them, Annie cut through the conversation with a sigh, dropping the folder on her boss's desk.

"Numbers for last month."

She noticed that despite looking somewhat tired, Hange looked to be in oddly fine spirits.

"Thank you, Annie."

The blonde paced backwards and closed the door, leaning against it. Her entrance had halted whatever heated debate had preceded her, and while she wasn't particulalrly in the mood to continue it, she did want to be in the loop.

"Eight percent?"

Hange nodded slowly.

"Eight percent."

Sasha turned away, digging her teeth into her lower lip and looking very much like she wanted to break something.

"Fucking BULLSHIT… "

Leaning back with a sigh of her own, Hange watched the brunette pace within the limited space she was provided.

"Sash, you knew this was coming, we all knew. We had plenty of time to be ready… "

"How can you just let him DO that… "

"Right now, it's something we can't fight. He still holds us at an edge, we're lucky he's not asking for more… "

Shaking her head and cracking her knuckles violently, Sasha turned back forward.

"Just let me take him out, for shit's sake, it would be so easy… "

"No."

Anger bit into Hange's response and she finally looked up with an air of aggression.

"It would be easy, but then we have the following shitstorm to deal with. And I am NOT losing anyone else."

Despite the months that had passed, Annie watched regret for her words flash on Hange's face as she risked a glance at Mikasa who still hadn't looked up. Sasha caught the hint and swallowed down whatever fight was left in her and opted to stand to the side, arms crossed. As tension slowly hissed from the room, Ymir took a step forward.

"Hey, Hange?"

The woman glanced at her.

"Yeah?"

For a moment, it looked like Ymir might throw up. Then, she seemed to come to some sort of internal conclusion.

"We should probably hit the road… you know if there's nothing more you want us to take care of… "

Blinking in realization, Hange shook her head and waved at them.

"I apologize, I completely forgot."

She smiled.

"Go ahead, good luck."

Ymir smiled back, looking frozen in place, until Krista looped an arm around hers and dragged her out of the room. Pausing only for a moment to furrow her brow in confusion, Annie then looked back ahead.

"Wednesday, yes?"

Hange responded without looking at her, eyes still on the door where two of her best had left through.

"Yes, be in by noon, that should give us plenty of time."

With the air of finality, Sasha marched out of the office without another word, Ilse looking after her with concern. Mikasa followed shortly thereafter, looking unflinchingly bored. Annie cast one final look Hange's way and, seeing her deep in thought still, she too left the room. As she made to head downstairs, she was stopped as Ilse appeared by her shoulder.

"Hey Annie?"

The blonde stopped and looked back; seeing the look of hesitation and worry on her friend's face, she imagined this was no trifling matter.

"What's up?"

Ilse glanced behind her and ahead of her, up and down the hall, while rocking on her heels.

"I… so here's the thing… I… I don't really want to ask this of anybody, but… personally, I'd do it, but… under the circumstances… "

"Ilse."

Annie took her by the arm and leaned her gently against the wall, trying to push away some of her own natural menace.

"What's wrong."

Meeting her eyes, Ilse paused a moment before giving a tremendously deep sigh and lowering her head.

"It's Sash. She's been acting… funny these past few weeks. Hell, months. She takes off after work and I don't know where she goes. I ask her about it and she asks me to stay out of it and to not worry. I want to respect what she wants, but… she's just not herself."

"I've noticed."

Ilse was now looking oddly eager.

"So… would you maybe… you don't need to today, but… maybe sometime, give her a tail? Just to make sure she's okay… "

Initially, Annie was almost amused at the prospect she was being asked about. Then, she saw the real worry in Ilse's eyes and the sincerity of the request hit her.

 _Imagine if it was…_

"Yeah. Yeah, of course."

Breathing a sigh of relief as though the weight of the world had been lifted from her shoulders, Ilse broke into a smile.

"Thanks, Annie. I owe you one."

Giving her a nod, the blonde waited for her friend to walk down the hall opposite before disappearing around a corner. She then leaned against the wall in silence awhile, contemplating how to go about what she had been asked.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

It was close to dark when he got home.

She heard the front door open and close as she allowed herself to be wrapped in mindless ecstasy. He must have known what was happening in the other room, for he slipped into the room and undressed slowly, watching with a conserved air of excitement.

It never came close to what she had once had, but it distracted her just enough and gave her just enough release to keep coming back. Whether or not they knew it, they went along with it, no judgement passed her way. It felt good, of that there was no denying. Though she wondered for a moment of what he would say if he saw them.

Next to the window, he finally stripped completely and two became three, their sensual desires satisfied over and over.

 _Something has to change._

The thought came on unbidden and she tossed it to the side as she climbed on top. She had no desire to be second guessing herself right now, in one of the few escapes from reality she was allowed day to day.

 _Don't forget… don't forget that she…_

In a single burst of anger, she forced herself on him, ignoring the surprise in his gaze as she took control. Behind her, the other's hands felt up her body and she leaned back into him, allowing his tongue to work magic against her neck. She needed this right now.

And foolishly, she realized she wanted it to last forever.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Krista walked alongside Ymir in silence until they were outside and in their car. Grunting slightly, as now, they very act of climbing into a vehicle was a tad arduous, she breathed out and looked over at Ymir who was staring at the steering wheel, looking still as a statue. Frowning, she reached over and gave her girlfriend a slight touch on the arm.

"Hey, Ymir?"

She received no feedback, and, moments before she tried again, she recoiled as Ymir suddenly began slamming the dash with a fist, in unison with her swears.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!"

Keeping her mouth tightly clenched and remaining as still as she could, Krista watched closely as Ymir finally relented and sighed herself resting her forehead on the wheel.

"Krista, baby, we have to tell her at some point."

Realizing what this was about, the blonde smiled sadly and nodded.

"We will."

"When?"

For this, she had no real answer.

"When we need to."

Ymir shook her head.

"We can't just keep blowing this off. We owe her that much, at least to tell her why what's happening is happening. She'll understand, she has to… "

Reaching out, Krista took her hand.

"Let's not worry about that right now. We have more than enough to worry about right now."

Ymir straightened and looked back to her with apologetic eyes.

"You're right. I'm sorry, that was selfish."

Krista smiled again.

"No, it wasn't."

Smiling back, Ymir looked forward as she started the vehicle and started their drive to the hospital. And though she really didn't want to, Krista couldn't help but notice the sadness that remained in her girlfriend's eyes.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Hundreds of miles from where Ymir and Krista drove, waiting with bated breath for good news, a small rural house sat peacefully against a wide plain of dust and dirt.

It had been there for decades, passed down as many residences in that area were. It had seen its fair share of hardships and good fortune and couldn't pass off the look of being in slight need of repair, but it suited the house.

Well after the sun dipped below the horizon, three men entered the house. They had planned to enter one way or another, but the door was unlocked and they passed the threshold with relative silence. When they found the house's single present occupant, the following argument was long and with all range of pitched voices. Words were said, curses were exchanged, and threats were not so veiled. Eventually, the tension split for the most inexperienced of the invaders and a single gunshot rang out through the house. Despite its shaken intentions, the accuracy was strong and the house's owner fell without a word. Cursing their companion, the two men dragged him out of the house and escaped into the darkness.

An hour or so later, a young woman returned from her shift slightly later than she preferred. Annoyed, but nonetheless, thrilled to be home, she entered the same house, not noticing how the front door had been ajar. After calling out to no response, several times, she made her way upstairs and, upon seeing what had been left, her legs gave way and she gave a tortured scream at what her eyes saw.

Minutes later, in a fleeting moment of agony and grief, she made a promise. It was a promise made in the darkest depths of her sorrow and one that would, though she could never have foreseen it, change so much more than what she ever could have wanted.


	3. Chapter 3

"So, what does that mean?"

"It means, everything is going absolutely fine. As of now, there is no reason to be concerned. It could happen any day now, but I wouldn't fret if there are still a couple weeks waiting to go."

Giving a shaky sigh, Ymir rubbed Krista's shoulders before pacing to the other side of the examination room.

"Geez doc, I don't know how much longer I can wait… "

Krista's doctor eyed her with an air of both amusement and understanding.

"I know what you're going through, it was the same way with me and my wife. These days will be some of the most nerve-wracking, but it's all part of the experience."

Sighing again and running her fingers through her dark hair, she looked back to see Krista smiling at her; straightening, she frowned.

"What?"

"Oh, nothing. You're just funny."

Ymir blinked quickly.

"How am I funny?"

Hopping down from the exam table, she walked over and took Ymir by the hand. Taking the papers and handing them back to the doctor, she gave him an appreciative look.

"Thank you doctor."

He nodded and retreated for his office.

"Absolutely. Good luck."

The pair of them walked out into the hall as he entered his office. As they walked in silence, Ymir felt a building sense of both annoyance and playfulness next to her.

"How am I funny?"

Fingers laced between Ymir's, Krista swung their arms while looking forward, same content smile on her face.

"You don't need to worry. It's going to be fine."

"See, here's the thing though. I don't' want to jinx it, like you and Ilse seem so fine with doing."

They turned out into the lobby and walked towards the parking lot.

"That's because jinxing isn't a real thing. And it is going to be fine."

Setting her face, Ymir looked off distantly, feeling that queasy feeling return as she muttered darkly,

"Someone's gotta worry about you."

Rubbing her head against Ymir's arm, Krista gave a happy sigh.

"And how lucky I am to have you doing it all for me."

Ymir looked down, feeling a quick surge of disbelief at Krista's lightheartedness before rubbing her knuckle against her girlfriend's head.

"You are unbelievable. I'd carry you to the car, if I could."

Rubbing her stomach, Krista nodded.

"Probably a good idea."

Holding back a shiver as a breeze rippled through the air, Ymir popped the car locks and slid in, wincing at the cold leather against her back. She gave a shout as Krista climbed slowly in.

"Hot DAMN, it is getting cold. Winter well on the way."

She paid little mind to how Krista had fallen silent; getting into a car in her state was no easy task, and by now, she probably just wanted to get home and rest. Starting up the car, she drew across her seatbelt and shifted to reverse.

"Hey, Ymir?"

She looked over; Krista was looked forward, face gently smiling.

"Yeah?"

"Mika's over at Eren's place, right?"

Ymir frowned in mild confusion.

"Yeah, I think so."

"Can we swing by her place really fast? I'd like to say hi to Joe."

Slapping herself mentally, Ymir realized she should've seen this coming. This wasn't the first time Krista had asked to stop by his grave, but it slightly unsettled her how she always referred to him as if he were still alive. She could understand why she did it, but Ymir never fully shook the odd feeling it gave her.

"Yeah. Yeah, sure."

Oddities aside, she was pleased on a personal level on how well Krista had taken the whole disaster. It had been months ago, since the time when she had been sure that her lie would have resulted in the blonde hating her for years to come, but, by some miracle, she had been forgiven. They had leaned on each other in the following weeks, but Krista, whom Ymir had been notably worried about, had come to grips with Joe's death very well. Possibly better than she had.

 _At least someone was…_

She grit her teeth as she thought to the rest of them and pulled out of the parking lot. Annie had reacted predictably; despite the show of emotion she had released on the night of, she had since been keeping any feelings to herself. Ilse hadn't seemed to have had too much of a problem either, but not long after, Ymir had noticed a shake appear in her hand anytime his name was mentioned. Sasha definitely took it the worst, and after the incident at Ilse's, she had very slowly left her period of grief into a new, ever-present aggression. She still made jokes and laughed, but they were much more few and far between and she had become very prone to rude, aggressive or offensive outbursts. Not a month prior, Ymir, Ilse and Sasha had taken the night out, and after a genuinely pleasant night of bar-hopping, they had been wlaking down the street and heard a college student make a very vulgar and pervasive comment about those who committed suicide. Needless to say, when they had finally pulled Sasha off him, they had to run to avoid a run in with the police. Ymir had been eerily reminded of the incident with Mikasa over a year ago.

 _Mikasa… you poor, poor girl… is life gonna ever stop dealing you shitty hands?_

Since his passing, Ymir hadn't seen Mikasa smile once. She never seemed mentally or emotionally unstable, she worked and did her job as flawlessly as she ever had. But she had long since stopped smiling, and, to Ymir, that was as bad a sign as any that she was still in a dire strait.

"Hey, Ymir, YMIR!"

Eyes defogging, she slammed the brakes, just as they nearly sped by Mikasa's apartment. As the car jolted to a stop, Krista winced and looked over.

"You doing okay? You were just doing thirty-five in residential."

Getting ahold of her heartrate, Ymir nodded, slightly out of breath.

"Just thinking. Sorry."

To her silent gratitude, Krista didn't pursue the topic; slinging open the car door, she looked over.

"You can stay if you'd like, I shouldn't be long."

Well on the brink of shooing aside this option, Ymir was suddenly struck that maybe respect to Krista's privacy was the way to go, regardless of how little she liked leaving her side.

"Alright. Don't be long."

Leaning across the distance between them to give her a swift peck, Krista gave a radiant smile and climbed out, glancing up. Following her gaze, Ymir caught sight of the grey clouds and pondered if maybe there was a chance for snow. Dropping her gaze, she watched Krista heave a sigh, then jam her hands into her pockets and wander off into the trees behind the apartment complex. Watching where she had walked to well after she was out of sight, Ymir finally looked forward and leaned back, drumming her fingers on the wheel.

It was almost torturously quiet.

Finally, she snapped, which she had deep down known she was going to do. She sprung out of the car into the brisk dusk air, and made her way towards the woods. She wouldn't interrupt Krista or intrude, but she couldn't not know where she was without going mad.

Around her, the woods were changing as they did in the later fall months. Leaves dotted the ground as the tree branches slowly stripped themselves, the colors brown and orange. It struck Ymir how curious it was that she remembered the exact path to get where the stone lay. As she neared the clearing, she heard Krista talking and she stopped. That was enough for her, just to know she was safe. Turning she pressed her back against an oak tree and waited.

For a moment, she tried not to listen, but realized she couldn't help herself.

"… so I guess everything is on track there, Ymir is crazy worried, probably like you would expect. I'm trying not to be myself, but it's hard."

There was a shift in the leaves she must have been standing in.

"Kenny's slowly getting more and more invasive. I know it probably would drive you crazy if you knew that he really seems to be breaking his side of the deal that you literally gave everything to hold, but he's demanding eight percent of the last three weeks. He knows this is a ripe time of year for smack, so he's getting as nice of a cut as he thinks he can get. Hange's playing it off like tis not a big deal, but I can tell she's strained. Sasha, man you should have seen her, I… "

She stopped so abruptly that Ymir almost gave her position away walking quickly out to see what had stopped her. Then,

"Why… why did you do it, Joe?"

Ymir's breath caught in her throat.

"You… fuck, I know WHY you did it… but… "

She heard Krista's voice crack.

"It's not… it's not the same… it won't ever be the same."

Not daring to breath, Ymir lowered her head, listening closely as her girlfriend's voice quieted.

"Ilse can't hear your name without acting up. And she's said that some nights when she's over at Sasha's, she can hear her crying at night. And don't even ask me about Mikasa."

She gave a huge sniff.

"You did what you thought was right. But… we're still hurting. Just wanted you to know that."

There was the audible sound of her rising to her feet.

"Love you, Joe. We'll do our best to hold it together up here. I know that's what you would have wanted."

And she left, pacing back the way she had come; she didn't notice Ymir, now slumped on the ground, back against the tree as she departed. For some reason, Ymir felt no desire to make her presence known, let alone stand up and move. She sat on the cold ground for minutes, and it wasn't until she heard Krista frantically calling her name that she snapped free of her state and jogged back to the car, choosing to play it off as that she just really had needed a bathroom.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

She didn't quietly leave the bed until she was sure they were both asleep.

Dressing quickly in the cover of approaching darkness, Mikasa looked to her two friends, who had been ready to stand by her side for years. In a way, she couldn't stand herself for having more or less ditched them in the first two years after high school and then only returning to them because of a desperate need for… whatever the hell she used them for.

She frowned. What did she use them for?

 _Comfort?_

That should have been it, but the word didn't sound right in her head. She was sure that's what they assumed she needed them for, but she had long since forgotten what comfort felt like.

 _Friends?_

To a degree, but they certainly hadn't been her only option; she had friends well before she had shown up half-drunk on Eren's doorstep.

 _Sex?_

Yes, but it wasn't about the intercourse itself. It was the blind ecstasy that she did her best to pull from the nightly experience, something to evade what shadows haunted her in reality.

 _An escape?_

That was it. They had been there for her for years, ever since that day on the playground. Being with them reminded her of the blind trust and friendship they had offered her and still did. They existed in her life as a hideaway, somewhere to go when the weight of the world piled too heavily on her shoulders.

 _I'm so pathetic._

She made her way to the front door and eased it open and closing it behind her as quietly as she could. Taking in breaths of the cold night air, she pulled free her phone and left Eren a text as to where she had gone for when they woke up and she was gone. Armin never worried too much, but Eren always fretted when she left without telling them. She chalked up the lie that she went to get drinks with Annie, he wouldn't question it.

Climbing into her car, she waited several minutes while she visualized in her head where she wanted to be. She pictured an open road, one that beckoned with its openness and expansive shape. Backing out of the driveway, she set her sights for the highway, more than willing to just drive. Drive until her emotions stopped driving needles into her heart and pounding her head with guilt. Drive until the tears simply stopped coming.

Drive until she outran the world.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Ocasionally glancing at the tracker on her phone, Annie wondered for the hundredth time of this was the right thing to do.

She knew that she had promised Ilse and that she herself was worried about Sasha along with her, but swiping one of the phone trackers out from under Hange's nose and using it to discreetly tail one of her own friends was something that she very much wasn't feeling particulalrly good about.

That aside, Annie had never been one to let her feelings interfere with doing what she thought was right.

By now, she was thick in downtown on a weekend night, cars and groups of people swarming the roads and sidewalks. The marker that told her Sasha was no longer driving in a vehicle had ceased its movements minutes prior and Annie was quickly bearing down on wherever she had gone. Willing to walk the remaining distance between them, she pulled into a space on the side of the road and quickly started venturing down the street. She threw up her hoodie; in the off-chance that she was spotted by Sasha before the inverse happened, she wanted to minimize the chances of it occurring as much as she could.

"Hey, you lost, girl?"

She ignored the obviously drunk college student who broke off from his group of friends to make a pass at her and continued on her way, slightly satisfied by the roars of laughter from his compatriots who found amusement in his rejection.

Glancing again at her phone, she saw that wherever Sasha was, it was a block ahead and on her left. Stowing it, she took an annoyed breath that this was where she had ended up that night. She had been planning on trying to take Mikasa out and around to try and at least get her friend to talk, but that would have to come another night. Jogging across the street, she narrowly avoided a pickup truck that swerved past her, honking loudly despite the glowing signaling she had the right of way.

"Fuckin' prick… "

Shaking her head at the buffoonery of her fellow man, her feet hit the sidewalk once again and she stopped, turning to view what her destination had turned out to be. Blinking, she stared at the glowing sign a moment, slightly bemused as her eardrums shook from the sheer bass of the music coming from inside. Entirely unsure if this was shaping up to be a wise course of action, she walked up and pushed her way inside.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"You really oughta get out more."

"Fuck off, I was out all last night."

"Yeah, drinking away your worries, concerns and fears just like you always do. At least make a pass at that waitress… "

"What waitress?"

"Ah c'mon, don't act like you don't see her. She's a real beaut, that's for sure. Unless of course, you still are still salty about… "

"Shut. The fuck up."

"Aw, yep, still salty."

…

…

"Thought about it much?"

"You know I have."

"Any decision?"

"Absolutely not. You know I can't risk it."

"But you also can't stand being stuck here."

"Correct."

"Oh well, maybe one day."

…

…

"You really should talk to her. I am speaking in your best interests you… "

"Shut up."


	4. Chapter 4

" _ **When you are guilty,**_

 _ **it is not your sins you hate**_

 _ **but yourself."**_

― _**Anthony de Mello**_

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

By the time she had passed through the club's threshold, Annie was already trying to ignore the worried feeling that was writhing in her gut. She was never someone who had any trouble keeping her emotions in check, but the feeling was there regardless, and it had her concerned.

It was as thick, loud, and intoxicating as any club she had ever been to; after ID'ing her way past a couple of bouncers the size of aircraft carriers, she pushed her way inside. The lights blazed to the beat of the music, which thudded heavily, shaking the floor beneath her and causing her to clench her teeth at the number it did to her ears. She dropped her hood, feeling no need to look conspicuous. The lights made it so no one would be able to recognize her though their pulsating storm of color anyway.

After a minute of squeezing past shouting, cursing, and laughing groups of people well under the influence, she realized that finding her friend in this crowd could be a considerable challenge.

 _Alright… if I was a hyper, party-friendly, attractive young woman, where would I…_

A slight roar of applause that rose just above the drone of the yelling and music gave her pause to turn around. There was a group of middle-aged men crowded around a small circular stage with a pole in the middle. Annie gave a snort no one could hear as she knew what was about to happen. She made to turn back and continue her search. Then, as she realized what she had just seen in her peripheral, she stopped, hairs on the back of her neck rising ever so slightly. Not wanting to, despising what she might see, she looked back. Then, her fears realized, she thought about what she was going to say as she walked over to the bar and ordering herself a heavy drink.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Mikasa tapped the brakes ever so slightly as her speedometer dipped just over one-thirty.

The curves in the road made this stretch slightly more dangerous than what had preceded it, and while she had no intention of slowing down any more than a few mile per hour, she also knew of the stupidity of overestimating the turning capabilities of her vehicle. More than anything, her survival instinct kept her sharp as she sped down the two way road, breaking landspeed records and kicking up more dust than a tornado. Her fingers held a death grip on the wheel, her back pressed firmly against the seat. The rush of it, the thrill of it, knowing how fast she was going and how quickly it could end just barely kept the savage memories from her mind. Ahead of her, she visualized her escape, how it beckoned, how near it was.

 _Not so far away… so close… just a little…_

She snapped back to reality as a figure appeared in front of her a ways down the road. With a tremendous screech of rubber burning against cold pavement, she threw all the force she had onto the brakes.

THUD

It wasn't quite enough; as she slid to a chaotic halt, she right side of her car clipped the person with enough force to send them spiraling away in her back mirror. As her heart met a pace that was more controllable for her, she climbed out into the black, night air, swearing to herself. The only light that she could see was from her headlights, so she drew her phone and turned its flashlight feature on. It didn't take long for her to find him in the dark; his crumpled form was still breathing shakily behind a scraggly beard, a faded sports cap lying a couple meters away. Swallowing as she saw the distorted position of his legs, she knelt beside him.

"Hey… hey mister, can you talk?"

He only managed to suffice a pained growl, but she saw the intelligence in his eyes as he looked back at her and realized there was still time.

"Don't try and move, I'll bring the car over and we'll get you to a hospital."

The only response she received was him reaching up and stroking lightly at her hair. Dismissing it as either shock or him just being a typical mentally disturbed homeless type, she stood and turned making to run back to her car.

"He… he misses you."

By all odds defied, Mikasa froze in her tracks. The only sound she could hear was of her car's engine and her own shaky breathing. Daring to turn, she looked back at him. In the light of her flashlight, he looked like some sort of decrepit monster as he grinned at her.

"He does… out there in all that black and cold. He remembers you."

And his smile widened and Mikasa felt every hair on her body stand up.

 _What the fuck is he talking about… how could he know… he couldn't know… he couldn't…_

But as she stood there in the darkness watching his monstrous smile trying to convince herself, she realized she hadn't any idea what to do.

The tears were cold as they stung her cheeks.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Breathing heavily and trying as best she could to not draw attention, Sasha swept towards the backroom, giving the briefest flash of a smile to the girls, who congratulated her as she came back and they moved out to take their turns. She was in charge of starting it all up, and now, she was looking forward to some alone time.

Arriving in the backroom, she dropped the clothes she had so recently peeled from her body in a corner, dropping into a chair and taking an opportunity to stare at herself in the mirror. She looked at herself the way she imagined them all looking at her.

 _Look at that body… muscles, curves and all… I'd love to take her home… wonder how much she'd cost…_

Feeling disgusted and tasting the bile that had swam into her mouth, she shook her head and leaned forward to tidy up her face for the next round.

"So."

The voice startled her, but not enough to make her jump. In a way, she was almost satisfied to hear it as Annie said again,

"So."

Spinning in the chair, Sasha threw on a dazzling smile.

"So what?"

Annie stepped out from the darkness behind the wardrobe where she had apparently been staying hidden, waiting for Sasha to return. She looked just as she always did, bored with little interest in the situation at hand, but Sasha very clearly could hear the taints of fury in her voice.

"So this is where you keep running off to. To give the lonely, middle-aged men of the city something to jack off to when they finally drag their drunk asses home."

Snapping her stockings into a more comfortable position as they tightly clung to her legs, Sasha gave a passive shrug.

"Yeah, so?"

"So… "

Annie wandered into the middle of the room, eyes moving around to various objects and areas before she turned back, eyes finally revealing a hint of emotion: disbelief.

"… why?"

Sasha swung back around and stood, leaning towards the mirror, eyeing her near naked body up and down.

"Who put you up to it? Ilse, probably. Right?"

"What? Why… why in the hell does that matter?"

She shrugged.

"Doesn't, I guess. Just curious."

She chose not to look at Annie as she examined herself. A near minute passed before her friend spoke again.

"Tell me why you're doing this."

"I don't know. Something to do."

"That's hardly a reason. For years you've been saying how you could never understand how strippers could embarrass themselves night after night for pay that's not worth it. And now here you are."

"Guess I had a change of heart."

There was a crashing thud and she spun as Annie drove her fist into one of the wardrobes, leaving a visible crack.

"GodDAMMIT Sash, what the hell's wrong with you?!"

The shout caught her off guard, but she felt no need to get defensive.

"Me? You're the one freaking the fuck out."

Annie leaned against the wall, regaining composure and looking half-surprised at her own lack of control. Sighing, she crossed her arms.

"I get that you're a free and easy type. You and Ilse have been fucking around for years now. You've said, in no uncertain terms, you'd like to get Mikasa's pants off as well. And Ymir's even mentioned the two of you had something going on in high school."

Looking back to her, Sasha tossed Annie a smirk.

"Same goes for you, Annie."

She ignored it.

"So I get that you don't mind messing around. But this… "

"New experience. It's kind of thrilling."

In her peripheral, she saw the blonde shake her head in an almost condescending way.

"Damn, you really are a bad liar. "

"Believe what you want."

Silence returned for a moment, before Sasha couldn't keep herself from continuing.

"How is this any worse than sleeping around? Just showing off, more than anything. I'd only ever really want to fuck people who I'm actually physically or otherwise attracted to. You're no different on that list. Ilse's always been there, Ymir was fun while it lasted, and I'm sure Mikasa wouldn't be entirely opposed, especially now that she doesn't have… "

She was talking so fast, she just managed to catch her tongue and close her eyes in regret, but she knew that Annie had heard all she needed to hear.

"That's what this is."

Sasha lowered her head, mentally cursing her own stupid mouth.

"You're punishing yourself."

"No… that's definitely not true."

She didn't even believe herself as she spoke.

"What happened was not your fault. I know you've been beating yourself up, I was there that night. Both of them."

Sasha had to stop her arm from shaking as her indifference was washed away, replaced entirely by anger and indignation.

"So how can you say… even if you are lying that it wasn't my fault?"

Annie took a step towards her.

"He did what he did. You did nothing more than do what we all should have done: be honest with him."

"And because I was honest with him, he killed himself."

"He was trying to protect us. Including you."

A derisively fake laugh left Sasha's mouth as she slumped back in disbelief.

"How the fuck is that supposed to make me feel better."

The blonde looked down.

"I don't know. Maybe it's not. But that's why he did it."

They shared the most profound silence between them yet, the heavy pounding of the music all there was to fill the space. Then,

"No matter what you say Annie, I was the one who told him. I essentially gave him the ultimatum. He promised he wouldn't act on it, but he did. Not a night will ever go by when I don't remember how selfless he always was, how Mikasa is sleeping alone, that look… Jesus fuck, Annie do you remember that look? Just before he went?"

"I do."

"He was done! That was it, the look he gave us was defeated, he was dead already!"

Snarling with an uncalled amount of anger, she swung an arm, sending various bottles and makeup kits flying.

"AND IT'S MY FUCKING FAULT!"

She received no reply as she regained control of her breathing.

"You can believe whatever you want Annie. Maybe I am punishing myself. Maybe not."

The front door to the backroom swung open and one of her fellow showgirl's stepped in. She appeared out of breath and looked pleased; she saw Annie and looked slightly put off, but she fortunately didn't ask any questions, nor notice the scattered belongings on the floor.

"Sasha? You're on in two."

"Thanks, Liz."

Swallowing the girl left, closing the door gently behind her. As it did, Annie glanced at her, but before she could say anything, Sasha finished.

"But what I do here really isn't any of your business. Nor is it Ilse's or anyone else's."

"What do you think Joe would say if he saw you… "

Sasha held up a finger.

"Don't. Don't you fucking dare."

Annie looked down.

"I won't stop you."

Nodding, Sasha stood and looked at herself one more time in the mirror before moving to the door; she stopped dead in her tracks as her friend spoke once more behind her.

"But… I can't imagine how you think is going to solve anything. Nor can I fathom how you've fallen this low."

And swiftly, she walked past Sasha and out the door ahead of her, disappearing into the dark corners of the thundering club, becoming just another shadow, dark and indifferent.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

She had lost track of how long she had been looking at it.

It was just a picture. That's all it really was. But she couldn't stop staring at what used to be. At once was.

At what could be.

Was it something she would ever share? Probably not. Would Ymir leave her if she found it? Maybe. Did she want to find out? Hell, no.

It was the past. That was all it was. And she had to accept that.

But she couldn't.

The car door slammed outside and she quickly stowed the picture, swallowing and wiping the tears from her face.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The faintest light blue was cast on the horizon by the time she finished, wiping sweat from her brow. Despite the cold air and darkness, the work she had just completed had been done with considerable haste and had tired her a good bit. Finally, straightening, she stood still a moment and waited for her head to stop spinning as the blood rushed to it.

 _Just leave._

There was still a fair bit of fear in her veins that remained since he had spoken those words, but she wanted to forget what he had said as soon as she could. Or at least try. She walked back to her car and stowed the snow shovel in its place in her trunk. She was lucky that the dirt had yet to become so cold that it was frozen and the solid plastic had done a good job. As she walked back around and started up her vehicle, she looked back to where she had come from. Deciding it didn't look right, she paced back out to the makeshift grave she had made and spent a minute or so kicking dirt and dead grass about in a seemingly pointless attempt to make the spot less obvious.

As the pale blue sky cast the surrounding mountains into black titans, staring at her, judging her, she felt she could no longer stay. Doing her best not to sprint frantically to her car, she climbed in and drove off at a much more acceptable speed, promising herself she would never drive that road again.


	5. Chapter 5

Feeling a strange sense of relief, Ymir kicked the door shut behind her and gave a shiver, glad to be free of the cold outside. Marching to the kitchen, she began stuffing groceries into the fridge and pantry. Since Krista had moved further and further along in her pregnancy, she had taken up more and more responsibilities that hadn't concerned her in months past. In a way, it was almost enlightening.

"Krista? You awake?"

She called gently towards the bedroom, not wanting to wake her if she was already asleep, though she cursed herself for having closed the door so violently.

"Yeah."

Sighing with relief, she adopted a mockingly stern tone.

"You should be asleep, young lady. You need your rest."

She was marginally disappointed when she didn't get a reply, but chalked it up as her girlfriend was simply tired. Wrapping up her chores, she killed the lights and went to the bedroom, eager to collapse onto her bed. The lights were off, when she entered and she could see Krista lying on the bed with her back to her. Undressing as quietly as she could, she slid into the bed, the only light, coming from the streetlight past the window. Sighing, she stretched out, then looked over, slightly bothered she had gotten so little out of the blonde that evening. Reaching out, she brushed the back of her back, and watched as Krista moved slightly at her touch.

"Hey. I love you."

She didn't look over as she replied.

"Love you too."

Unsatisfied and very lightly concerned, Ymir opened her mouth to ask if everything was alright, then caught herself.

 _Save it for the morning._

Not wanting to leave it hanging, but also recognizing how little could be accomplished that night, she reluctantly closed her eyes. As her mind began to drift, she felt movement next to her; opening her eyes, she had to blink several times in order to properly process that Krista was now over her, legs spread over Ymir's right thigh.

"Hey… girl, what're you… "

Very slowly, very deliberately, her girlfriend started to grind against her; Ymir felt a lump in her throat as she felt Krista's sex press against the muscle of her thigh.

"Ymir… just let me have this… please… "

Her breathing started to ramp up as she moved; Ymir was at a loss for words.

 _What in the hell is this…_

It wasn't as though their relationship had become rocky in regards to intercourse; as the months passed, they had to be more careful and Ymir was left doing most of the work, but she never minded it. But as of late, it had almost been a subject they had come to a silent mutual agreement needed to remain inactive until the baby had arrived. So this, Ymir couldn't have seen coming. She opened her mouth, wanting to ask why Krista wanted this now, before Krista slid her own gorgeous, soft thigh against Ymir's own sex and whatever she had wanted to say disappeared from her mind as she rolled her head back, groaning softly.

It was almost embarrassing how quickly Krista could turn her into putty.

 _Hol-eee fuck._

It had been long enough in between that Ymir couldn't believe how she had made it this long without feeling this good. Despite her condition, Krista was moving exceptionally well, and had her driven crazy within minutes. Then, when her girlfriend finally gave a high-pitched, passionate moan towards the ceiling, Ymir surrendered, throwing her arms to the side and giving in to all the lust that flowed between them. Krista leaned back, resting on her hands, and Ymir watched in blissful stupor as the blonde's hips increased in their movement from slow grinds to hard, fast thrusts. Closing her eyes, Ymir let the pleasure and the sound of Krista moaning take her away. Then, suddenly, she was seized by the hair and pulled up to be level with the blonde. Even in the dark, her beautiful eyes danced with the same fire that Ymir knew was in her own. She dragged her arms up her soft, tone body, stopping on her breasts; as she drove strongly against her, Krista moaned in her ear.

"… Tell me you're mine… "

Distantly surprised, but too caught up in the moment to care, Ymir was nothing but compliance.

"… I'm yours… "

Their voices were barely more than whispers, escaping their bodies with each exhale.

"… Tell me you want this… "

"… I want this… so bad… "

"… Beg me for it… "

Her face buried in Krista's shoulder, Ymir felt a small wave of humiliation at what that would mean, but immediately shook It off, almost laughing.

 _Who's ever gonna know?_

Feeling Krista's arms wrapped around her back, she turned her head, lips brushing against her girlfriend's ear; she had no problem saying what she wanted, especially as Krista gave a particularly enticing moan.

"… Baby, please… I need this… please… "

In an exceptionally odd way, it was almost exhilarating to be reduced to such a submissive state, though Ymir had little time to think about it as they both neared climax. Feeling her body give an uncontrollable shiver, Ymir lowered her head to wrap her mouth around Krista's breasts to keep herself quiet. Her girlfriend had no such withholdings; she took Ymir's head in her hands, dragging fingers through her hair until, finally, she threw her head back and shouted her ecstasy at the ceiling. Finishing with along her, Ymir groaned loudly and as they ended with a final few thrusts, they both collapsed to the mattress, both breathing heavily.

As the world swam back into focus, Ymir saw that Krista was facing her this time; Ymir smiled briefly, then stopped as she saw Krista reaching out towards her, like a child to a parent, tears in her eyes. Without any hesitation, she wrapped the blonde up in her arms, now thoroughly confused and worried. Vowing to get to the bottom of this in the morning, no matter how tempting as it was right now, she stroked her girlfriend's back, humming a soft song Ymir knew she liked. It took minutes before Krista fell asleep, but Ymir heard the two words she uttered, quietly and almost too distantly to be heard.

"… I'm sorry… "

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Aiming a kick low towards the ground, Ilse watched as the dirt kicked up swirled away into dust, floating off in the direction of the lake as the sun rose past the early morning. She blew out a sigh and leaned back on the bench, and checked her phone for the time for the fifth time in the last minute.

 _Relax… she'll be here._

There was no reason to believe that Mikasa wouldn't show up, but there was still a terribly strong sense of anxiety that dug into her gut, causing her to rub the tattoo on her arm in apprehension. The most recent thing that she had had with her friend that qualified as a personal talk had been months ago, and had almost come to blows. Words had been said in anger and fear and, of course, the talk had happened just before…

 _Fuck…_

Clenching her teeth, she cursed herself. She needed to come to terms with it. It was less what he had meant to her personally and had become more a matter of not being able to come to grips with how… after everything they had put him through, all that had been forced upon him, how he had been forced to hurt and kill, how his heart still had found the strength to give him up for their sakes. It plagued her to no end, primarily because she had more than once placed herself in his shoes mentally. And no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't place herself in such a way that she could imagine what she would have done. That perhaps hurt more than anything.

She opened her eyes which she realized had been closed as the crunch of dirt and dead leaves very faintly penetrated her ears. Glancing briefly to the right to confirm who she assumed was approaching, the steeled herself for what she wanted to say. Seconds later, Mikasa walked up beside her and slowly sat down, hands in her pockets and lower face hid behind her scarf, and with her eyes staring forward almost emotionlessly. Ilse hated that look, though she knew why it was close to the only expression her friend wore anymore.

"You ready for tonight?"

Mikasa didn't look towards her as she replied.

"As ready as I can be. I'll never get comfortable seeing him, but… this is something that needs to happen."

Ilse could sense the hate in her voice, even if she couldn't see it on her face. She opened her mouth and then closed it again, cursing herself mentally for being afraid.

 _She's your friend… she won't be angry… she's your friend…_

"I assume there's a greater reason you asked me out here?"

Dropping her head, Ilse forced herself to cut to the chase.

"Annie tell you? About… "

"She did, briefly."

Ilse nodded and stared forward, rapping her fingers on her knee worriedly before finally bringing herself to speak.

"You need to talk to her."

"Annie?"

"No. Sasha."

For a time, Mikasa didn't reply, and Ilse almost regretted what she was doing. Then,

"Why?"

"Did Annie tell you why she's doing what she's doing?"

"She's angry at herself. It's a way she has to beat herself up without physically damaging her body."

"You need to talk to her."

"Again. Why?"

"She's doing this because of you."

"I'd say she's doing it for a lot of reasons."

"Yes, and you're one of them."

"How?"

Ilse laughed humorlessly.

"You know how. She told him, she was the one who launched him to the point where he could make that decision. And now he's dead and… "

She grit her teeth and jammed her eyes shut.

"Goddammit Mika! You haven't been the same since that day, and we all get why! But you can't just… exist the way you have! You've shut down, you just work, you only talk when you need to, you don't hang out with anyone anymore, you don't… "

Mikasa cut through her rambling with icy precision that would have caught even Annie's eye. Her response was just as cold as her tone.

"I wasn't aware that I wasn't allowed to live how I choose."

Swallowing the rest of what could have turned into a lengthy rant, Ilse dropped her head again.

"You're hurting. I know you are. You can hide behind that scarf as much as you want, but we all know you're hurting. But so is Sasha. And she's your friend."

There was quiet again for a while.

"What am I supposed to say?"

"Tell her it's not her fault, that you forgive her, that, no matter what… "

"Who says I've forgiven her?"

A terrific cold jabbed through Ilse's heart.

 _How… how could she be so…_

Mikasa stood.

"Make no mistake. I love Sasha. But I can't tell her something that isn't true."

She met Ilse's eyes and there, for the first time in so long, was that old fire that she kept burning inside her that Ilse knew was directed towards so much. Her father, her life, Joe, all the misfortunes that had damaged her in her existence thus far. Despite her promise to stay strong, Ilse felt tears welling, stinging her cold cheeks.

"Then lie! Christ, Mika if you just pretend that… "

"I respect her more than that. And I'm insulted that you assume I would think low enough of her to lie about something so serious."

"Look, I know how much it hurts when you think about him… but, you can't… "

"Do you?"

From her slumped position, Ilse looked up at her friend, silent and nearly defeated.

"Do you have any idea what it's like to go through life for so long, questioning what the goddamn purpose of it all is, living every day with dread of what could come next, and then, somehow, someone enters your life who makes every fucking SECOND worth it, and after what feels like so long together, that person disappears."

Ilse didn't move or say a word and Mikasa took a step towards her.

"What's that like, Ilse?"

There was a strange anger that had started bubbling in Ilse's stomach as she looked to the ground, fists clenched beside her.

"You don't know what it's like, do you."

She practically spat the words onto the ground.

"No. I don't."

More than anything, Ilse sensed Mikasa nod and begin to walk away. After she took several paces, she stopped.

"I mourn for him every day. Somedays, it's just remembering him briefly, others it's breaking down for hours. But I'm not the way I am now because of him. I don't live every day depressed because of him."

Ilse looked up. Her friend was standing near the path that led back into the woods from the lake, back to her. Her head was turned slightly, so Ilse could see her face as it remained downturned towards the ground.

She looked very alone.

"I live this way because I know, no matter how many people I meet, no matter how hard I look, no one will ever make me feel the way he did."

Then she resumed her walk back the way she had come.

"That's why I'm broken."

And she was gone, wrapped up by the darkness of the evergreens, her footsteps fading into nothing. Ilse finally managed to drag her gaze back forward and stare blankly at the lake that was likely on its way to freezing.

She didn't move for a very long time.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"You haven't been out in a while."

"So?"

"So, get out."

"No."

…

…

"This won't help anything."

"That's what you think."

"That's what I know. And who knows you better than me?"

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Behind them, the sun dipped beneath the horizon outside the door and the lights above slowly took over.

Standing at one end of the colossal warehouse, Annie glanced around briefly to ensure herself of what she already knew. At her side stood Mikasa, Ilse and Sasha, each and every one of them hating what was going to happen. At their feet was a large satchel full of money that they should not have been giving away, but were anyway. Sasha's fury was more in check then it had been the previous day, but it was no less tangible. She practically shook as they waited.

The warehouse had been largely unused the past several years, but Kenny had mentioned offhand that he had wanted to do something with the old place.

 _That explains why the lights work._

Annie pondered this as she stared at the fluorescent lights, well over a hundred feet above them.

Kenny, though none of them would admit it, had them well under his thumb. Despite what Joe had done, Kenny had slowly impeded on his own deal, demanding backoffs on territorial disputes, percentages of net gains, and even straight product from time to time. Hange, who may have hated it most of all, knew as well as any of them that there was nothing they could do. He had more men, more resources, and, most importantly, more connections and power. So they worked as normal, and did what they were told.

The door swung open on the far side and the echoing footsteps of men broke the silence; around a dozen, just as heavily armed as them, entered. Annie toed the satchel lightly, wanting this to be over quickly.

"Ah, and there are my GIRLS!"

A terrifyingly familiar voice rang out from across the way and Annie's head snapped up. She practically felt Mikasa tense beside her. Striding through the door, safely alongside his men, was Kenny himself; bile formed in Annie's throat.

 _He's not supposed to be here._

His dastardly smile preceded him as he strode up within a ten foot distance of them, his men spreading out like the pawns they were. He stared at each of them in turn, as though expecting a hug; Ilse shifted her footing and spoke for all of them.

"We weren't expecting you, we thought this was just a handoff."

He clucked his tongue offhandedly.

"Ahh it is. I just couldn't resist seeing your beautiful faces again!"

The hatred on all their faces seemed to only grow his deplorably fine mood and Annie's mid raced. He certainly wasn't supposed to be here and the already ticked off Sasha could create a very volatile situation if she treaded cautiously.

Which she hardly ever did.

"Now… where is that beautiful preggers gal and her red guard dog… "

Annie wished she could have bitten on Sasha's tongue for her as she snapped a furious reply.

"Not here. Though I'm sure they will be thrilled that they didn't make it when I tell them your sorry ass was… "

Kenny laughed as Mikasa grabbed Sasha by the arm and shot her a deadly glare.

"Now, now, wasn't expecting such hostility!"

Behind his atrocious grin, Annie saw malice flare in his eyes.

"Kidding, I did."

He raised a spiderlike finger.

"You best watch it, young missy, I've killed people for less."

"Yeah, and I bet you didn't need their asses like you need ours."

Ilse turned, shouting angrily as Kenny didn't laugh a second time.

"SASH!"

Kenny took a step forward.

"No, no, no, it seems she has something she'd like to get off her chest."

He spread his arms in expectance.

"Well."

As the situation had become deadly serious, Annie looked to the side at Sasha, whose fury couldn't be hid behind a mask. She didn't shout, however, as Annie could have expected, rather she did something much worse. Sneering underhandedly, she shook her head.

"Fuck you, you disgusting sack of shit."

Closing her eyes, Annie practically saw Ilse and Mikasa opening their mouths furiously to tell her off, but again, Kenny intervened.

"Alright, is that all?"

She glared back at him, saying nothing nor backing down. He cracked his knuckles after staring at her for what must have been minutes.

"Okay. Come over here."

She gave him a derisively confused look and when she didn't move, Kenny nodded to the man on his left. An assault rifle barrel raised itself and leveled on Ilse's head.

"Come here now, or I blow her head off."

Mikasa attempted diplomacy, though Annie knew it was far too late.

"You don't have to do anything, you won't have to see her for awhile… "

His eyes bulged.

"Excuse me?! Seeing this uppity bitch is always a highlight of my week!"

They then narrowed.

"And don't you dare tell me what I can and cannot do."

He gestured with a finger once more as Mikasa backed down, mind still obviously cooking for a solution to the situation.

"I won't ask again."

Blowing out a derisive sigh, Sasha dropped her gun and marched towards him; as she did, he whispered something into the man on his left's ear, who ran out the way they had come. Looking back to Sasha who was now standing in front of him, looking venomously defiant, he nodded towards the floor.

"Lie down. On your stomach."

She furrowed her brow, but complied; Annie felt a growing sense of dread cling to her gut. Looking to Mikasa, they met eyes, and it became clear that neither of them had anything they could do. Ilse was only staring ahead with fear in her eyes. As they watched, four men, lowered their guns and walked to Sasha taking a leg or arm respectively and holding them down. The remaining men stepped forward, leveling their guns with them. Kenny crouched beside Sasha, smiling wickedly, the malice now very clear.

"Any of you move, and she dies, then you die."

The man who had left moments ago ran back in, carrying something under his arm. Kenny pulled up Sasha's jacket, then shirt, undoing her bra last, leaving her bare back facing the sky. He then straightened and walked to the man who had returned and took what he had brought. Annie tried to keep her heart from freezing as Kenny stretched the electric cable as best he could.

"Now then… "

He lay the cable against Sasha's back gently and her body trembled slightly at the touch. Glancing back towards Mikasa who had all but gone completely pale, he smiled.

"Let's see if we can give you some marks to match your leader over there."

His arm came back.


	6. Chapter 6

" _ **Your heavy hateful gaze**_

 _ **places all the weight and blame right on my shoulders**_

 _ **Meant to bring me down to the ground**_

 _ **and shiver while the room gets colder and colder"**_

 _ **\- Famous Last Words**_

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Hand wrapped tightly around the foregrip of her assault rifle, Mikasa could feel the heat of her blood as her nails cut into her palm. She could only stare and listen, which, while not nearly as barbaric as what her friend was going through, was torture enough.

 _Say something… do something…_

The reserved humane side of her kept trying to urge her into action, but by now, she was well aware that nothing could be done to rectify the situation. In fact, anything they did could make it worse.

Mikasa was glad to see that Annie and Ilse knew this as well as she did. Annie would not have been a problem; always cold, always knowing what was best, she stood still as a statue, eyes fixed on the spectacle. Ilse could have been a problem, but she hadn't moved either. Her eyes were closed, but tears had leaked from the corners of them well prior. For, in truth, there was nothing they could do. Nothing more than sit and wait for the sound of the cable whistling through the air, the smack of it against human skin, and Sasha screaming, to stop.

Kenny had been at it for minutes now, and while sweat was appearing on his neck and his swings were becoming slightly less aggressive, the look on his face said he could keep at it all night. Sasha had been struggling hard against the grip of the four men, but had gotten nowhere quick and had been reduced to screaming and sobbing at the ground. Her voice had long since started to give and the floor by her face was smeared with tears. Mikasa had to focus on any of these things to keep it together; if she looked at her friend's back, she would start shaking.

It hadn't been as savagely lacerated as hers had been on that hellish night so many months ago, though several very fine lines leaked blood ever so slightly. It was difficult to look at because the whole of it, from her shoulders to her rear, was some terrible shade of maroon or purple, as if it was some grotesque painting. Mikasa closed her eyes; the scars on her back were shivering.

"WHEW, would you look at what I've created here!"

Opening her eyes, she saw that Kenny had finally stopped; next to her, Ilse gave a shuddering inhale. He crouched next to Sasha who had her forehead pressed against the floor, shaking uncontrollably. He picked up her chin and looked her in the eye; despite the tears and pain on her face, she still looked back defiantly.

"That should be enough. But… "

His smile widened.

"I'm gonna need you to apologize."

Immediately, without skipping a single solitary beat, she spit in his face. Ilse moaned and slumped where she stood. Mikasa's grip on her gun tightened, digging her nails deeper in to her palm.

 _Sash, girl, what the fuck are you doing…_

Wiping the spit from his face, Kenny appeared to be slightly baffled. He looked to Sasha, who looked back and, unbelievably, smiled.

"Hey… I know I just beat the hell out you… but have you lost your goddamn mind?"

Giving a pained moan and lowering her head, she replied in a hoarse and broken voice.

"No more than you."

He stared at the back of her head for a moment longer, looking genuinely perplexed. Then, he shrugged and straightened.

"Okay… where were we, then?"

With a new aggression and terrific speed, the cable came down again with a tremendous snap. Sasha howled, kicking against her captors; next to her, Mikasa could hear Ilse muttering as she closed her eyes again,

"Please… please… please… "

Kenny had to raise his voice in order to be heard over his victim.

"We're gonna stay here all night until you apologize. Two simple words: I'm. Sorry. Not hard, but if pride really is gonna get the best of you… "

He struck her again. Blood shot from between Sasha's teeth as she screamed through them.

"Two words."

He hit again.

"I'm"

He hit again.

"Sorry."

He hit again.

"How hard could it be?"

Mikasa could feel her stomach growing queasy as the slaps mixed with her friend's screams drilled their way into her head. Kenny stared down; suddenly, he seemed to lose patience.

"APOLOGIZE!"

Sasha gave another agonized howl and then turned her head.

"MIKASA!"

Kenny froze, staring down in a fresh bout of disbelief. Mikasa stared back, stuck in place herself, unable to do anything more than blink. There was pain on Sasha's face, but it wasn't just because of her present ordeal.

"I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY, MIKASA! I'M SORRY…"

Her yells faded into sobs as her face met the floor again, her whole body shaking as she cried. Something had stabbed Mikasa in the heart, though she couldn't say for sure what it was. Nor did she particularly want to. Sasha couldn't raise her voice to shout anymore and, face in a pool of her own tears, she cried at the ground,

"I'm so sorry… I'm sorry… I'm sorry… "

Kenny stared down at her a moment longer, looking as confused as Mikasa had ever seen him. Then, he shrugged.

"If you insist."

His arm came back again.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Annie didn't trust herself to move until the door swung shut behind Kenny and his men. As soon as it did, Ilse slumped to her knees, rifle clattering to the ground beside herself, before trying to stumble back up and hobble towards her motionless friend.

"Stop."

The voice didn't even seem to have come from Mikasa and if Annie hadn't seen her mouth move, she may not have believed she had said it. Ilse looked over, her pain turning into disbelief and then into anger.

"You… don't you fucking… how dare you… "

Eyes burning, she stumbled into Mikasa, slammed a weak fist against her shoulder.

"This is on you! This happened because of you!"

Her fist came back, clearly with more reserve and strength then her first swing, and Annie stepped forward, wrapping a hand around her stomach and dragging her backwards.

"Get the hell off… !"

Mikasa met Annie's eyes and they looked just as dead as her voice sounded.

"Both of you head back. Tell Hange what happened."

She looked to Sasha's near motionless form.

"I've got Sash."

Annie stared at Mikasa for several seconds, a struggling Ilse in tow, trying to gauge what her friend was thinking. Unable to, she nodded and hauled Ilse from the building who, after struggling and cursing her, was reduced to tears and practically had to be helped into the car. Still in a slight state of shock herself, Annie only partially heard Ilse's moaned ramblings as they drove through the dark woods back towards town.

"It wasn't her… her fault… just forgive her… just forgive her… "

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Ymir took a deep breath as she blinked the sunlight into her eyes. She had been having a strange dream, but couldn't remember what it had been about, though she did remember feeling very scared. Tremendously glad to be awake, she stretched as memories of the previous day returned to her.

 _Goddamn…_

It had been fast, but so damn good. She shivered merely at the memory of it, thinking to Krista's beautiful face in ecstasy as she worked both of them. Looking to her right, she was disappointed to see that the spot where her goddess should have been was empty. Though, overall, it wasn't surprising. She normally always beat Ymir up and was probably up in the kitchen or watching TV or…

 _Well, then._

Inhaling deeply, Ymir got a hard whiff of something being cooked to perfection.

 _That settles that mystery._

She rolled to the side of the bed, sitting up and blinking away the veil of sleep. Not being a morning person certainly had its setbacks, but Ymir could never complain. She just loved sleep. Smiling, she stood and then, in an instant, the smile disappeared from her face.

 _What… happened… ?_

Krista's behavior last night, while welcome by the end, had been curious to say the least. Little to no communication, until she had forced herself on Ymir and then…

" _I'm sorry."_

Ymir frowned. What the hell had that meant? Before she knew it, she was walking out to the kitchen. As was expected (and smelled), Krista was bouncing around the kitchen, breakfast steaming on pans and a griddle. She looked over as Ymir entered, a look of concern flashing behind her beautiful blonde hair.

"Oh damn, wasn't expecting you'd be up by now… sorry, breakfast will be just a little longer… "

Ymir laughed as she slid into a chair.

"Chill girl, I got no rush."

Krista gave her a reassured smile and returned to work and Ymir was even more perplexed then before. Had last night even happened? There was ablsoutley nothing outwardly wrong with her girlfriend now… maybe she just imagined it.

 _Well, one way to find out…_

"Hey, Krista?"

The blonde wrapped up prepping something on the griddle and then smiled, satisfied. Relaxing, she leaned against the wall.

"Yeah?"

"Last night… after we… "

A look of worry and concern immediately lit up Krista's face.

"Oh, was it too much? I'm sorry Ymir, I just… I had really wanted it, but I didn't know how to bring it up, and I just went for it and… "

"No, I said after… "

"Was it making you beg? Oh God, I know that was out of nowhere, but it just felt so right at the time… "

"I mean, that wasn't even… "

"It was, wasn't it… fuck, Ymir, I'm so sorry… "

Ymir held up a hand.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, you are ringing all the wrong bells. The sex was awesome, don't think for a second that it was otherwise. I could do that again and again."

Giving a reassured smile again, Krista furrowed her brow gently.

"Oh good. Then… what's up?"

Swallowing, Ymir tried to decide if asking was the best course of action. Her mouth decided for her.

"Before we went to sleep… you said sorry… "

The look she received was one of confusion.

"I did?"

"I mean… yeah, I think so… "

Krista looked off out the window, and Ymir saw the same distant look in her eyes that she had felt the previous night.

"I don't know Ymir… I'm pretty sure I didn't… "

"It was right after… right before we went to sleep… "

"I mean… I seriously just don't remember that… "

Right on the cusp of saying that she had seen tears in her eyes, Ymir blinked and stopped.

 _Maybe… maybe you were just tired. Worn out. You imagined it. Fuck, you had some crazy ass dream last night, maybe that was part of it._

And in that moment, she decided to forget about it.

"Yeah, you're probably right… just had a long night, I think… what you making there?"

And as she turned to look out the window Krista had been looking out, she completely missed the look of colossal regret and pain that appeared on her girlfriend's face. Then she turned back, completely unaware of the tear that Krista hurriedly had wiped on her apron so wouldn't see it.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Mikasa waited until Annie had pulled away in the first car. She waited until the noise of the engine, the tires on the dirt road, had faded into nothing. She waited until the sun rose above the horizon and beat against the back of her head with a warming touch. Only then did she walk gently to Sasha.

Her friend still shook very gently as she approached, face still pressed against the ground. As she knelt beside her, Mikasa reached out, her fingers very gently brushing her friend's back. Sasha gave a single spasm, whimpering and Mikasa cursed herself.

 _Stupid…_

Altering tactics, she took her friend by the back of the neck and gently turned her over, cradling her head in one arm and looping the other one around her waist. As she pulled Sasha close to her, she saw dead look in her friend's eyes as she murmured something so quiet that she couldn't hear. A fresh stab of guilt drove itself into her gut and she murmured back,

"It's okay… it's over… it's over… "

"I couldn't help myself… he just… disgusts me so bad, but even then… "

"Shh, it's okay, it's fine… "

"Why… "

Blinking, she looked down in confusion. Tears had again started leaking from the corners of Sasha's eyes as she quietly moaned.

"Why… "

Resting her chin on top of her friend's head, Mikasa stroked the side of her neck, whispering back,

"Why what, Sash?"

"Why… did he stop… "

Mikasa froze as unbidden tears leapt into her eyes. Suddenly, she knew what this had been about, why Sasha had done what she had done, said what she said. And it shook her to the core.

"Sash… "

"He shouldn't have stopped… why did he stop… "

Swallowing down the lump that had placed itself in her throat, Mikasa snatched at the words to say.

"Don't… why would you… "

"I deserved it… I deserved it… "

Feeling her own breathing increase, Mikasa knew then why everything had happened. Whose fault it really was. And worst of all, how it could have been avoided. She resisted the tremendous urge to look skywards and scream her self-hatred.

 _This is on you… it's always been on you._

She pulled Sasha's head up and locked eyes with the person she had been silently torturing for months. The words were there, but one last time, they escaped her; reaching up with a shaking hand, Sasha brushed aside the tear that had leaked from Mikasa's eye.

"I'm sorry… for taking that from you… for taking so much from you… it was my fault, it was, no matter what anyone says… "

Taking her hand, Mikasa pressed her lips to it before looking down.

"Sasha… "

The sunlight hit her face, lighting up the pain, the trails where tears ran.

"I forgive you."

Their gaze held, it lasted seconds before Sasha burst into fresh tears, pulling Mikasa into a tight hug that shouldn't have been possible given her condition. She held Sasha for minutes, until exhaustion finally claimed her friend; gently, tenderly, Mikasa lifted her and carried her to the car. And as they followed the tracks in the road set down by Annie, she held the steering wheel tightly, loving Sasha and hating herself as the last words whispered by Sasha before she had passed out echoed through her head.

"… thank you… "

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Barely braking in time to avoid smashing her father's pickup into the front of the bar, she caught ahold of herself, swearing and trying desperately to regain control of her breathing. She had already decided she was going to do this so why…

 _Am I still doubting myself?_

Shaking her head, she jumped out, almost forgetting to lock the car behind her. The bar loomed ahead of her, the meanest and thickest one she could have picked out. Surely one of the patrons inside would be willing to assist her for the right price. She walked up to the large wooden doors which loomed before her like gates of hell. She thought for a moment what her father would think if he knew where she was right now, what she was planning to do. She imagined the look of disappointment on his face, and in his tone as he reprimanded her. She too, then shook this off.

 _He's dead._

And with those two singly painful words pummeling her soul, she threw the doors open and marched inside.


	7. Chapter 7

Dot Pixis had been running his bar for as long as his father had acquired it through an absurdly risky gamble. It wasn't as though gambling and drinking ran thin in the family, but his father had normally been of enough sense to not put up his own family's house against a bar he had no idea how to work in or run. After a miraculous streak of luck, he managed to keep the house and obtain the bar, only to die of cirrhosis less than a year later. By this time, Pixis had been on his way back from another tour overseas, and, seeing the state the death of his father had left his mother in, he turned his back on the thus-far successful and very promising career in the military and returned to his back-end town. At first, running the bar was a far more stressful and difficult feat than being shot at in a town with houses made of dirt, but the recessive alcohol gene from his father and experience over time turned him into the most respected, if not the most liked, bartender in the town.

On a night like this, all the rowdy and heavy folk he was used to had his business packed; the truckers, farmers, rednecks and the like occupied the center tables making most of the noise, with the lone wolf and quiet types resided in the booths near the windows and the shadows, acting as though social interaction was above them, but secretly envying the company and friendship echoing through the wooden rooms. His only two employees who worked the floor with him, Florian and Alya, both strong young girls, the first with a somehow always positive upbeat attitude as bright as her long blonde hair, the latter with a sharp body and even sharper temper, scampered and slid through the masses, carrying and delivering drinks and waving off pervasive comments from the less flattering gentlemen. They both earned their wages well over and Pixis couldn't be more grateful to have them on his payroll. Shaking up a drink, he looked around at the collective that he had come so used to seeing before taking a swig from his own private flask; blinking away the tiredness that ran through him, he wandered to the customer who had ordered it.

"Here ya'are sir, one fresh up, off the rocks, a… "

"COULD I HAVE EVERYONE'S ATTENTION PLEASE!"

As Pixis raised his head lazily, his eyes snapped up to the disturbance immediately; his military experience still gave him some perks now and then. Standing in the doorway with a voice seeming too large for her body, was a young woman with dark hair and an even darker fire burning in her eyes that he could see even from there. Surprisingly, the dozens of patrons ceased talking and turned if they needed to, the drone of country on the jukebox taking a chance to occupy the silent space that arrived. Stopping where she were serving guests, Florian looked to him, eyes wide and confused; he gave her a look to not worry, at least not yet. The girl who had just shouted looked around furiously, looking surprised at her own success in taming the crowd; she quickly pushed her advantage.

"I KNOW A GOOD MANY OF YOU ARE THE TYPE TO DO JUST ABOUT ANYTHING FOR A QUICK BUCK! THIS REQUEST IS AIMED MORE TOWARDS ANY WHO HAVE NO TROUBLE WITH BLOOD AND GUTS! RECENTLY, MY FATHER WAS MURDERED. AUTHORITIES HAVE BEEN UNABLE TO IDENTIFY THE PERPETRATORS AND I AM TAKING THIS MATTER INTO MY OWN HANDS! IF THERE WERE ANY… "

She was very quickly cut off as Alya made her way to the entrance, seized her by the upper arm and roughly dragged her outside. As the door swung shut, quiet returned as everyone sat, hands on drinks in relative surprise and disbelief at what they had just witnessed. Looking around with a forced laugh and brilliant smile, Florian shrugged,

"Just a friendly PSA everyone. Stay away from meth."

A heavy rain of laughter struck over the music and within another couple seconds, the mood had returned. Thankful she had taken a handle on the situation, he nonetheless kept a careful eye on the door. After another minute passed, he waved Florian over. Shooting a look at a seventy year old trucker who made a grab at her, she scooted up to the bar expediently.

"What's up?"

"Take the bar a second."

She looked momentarily confused, but upon seeing his gaze locked on the door, she nodded in understanding.

"Got it."

Ducking out, he made his way through the packed, whiskey driven room and out the door. For a moment, the cold air on his aging nostrils was incredibly refreshing from the heat of inside. He had no time to dwell on it; he could hear Alya's furious voice from around the corner to where they put out trash and took pickups. Sighing, he moved in the direction of the noise.

"… and who the HELL do you think you are, coming in, trying to start shit!"

"I wasn't trying to start anything! I was just asking around for… "

"I don't care what the fuck you were doing! We deal with enough bullcrap as is, without some college girl, high off her ass, storming in… "

"I'm not high!"

Pixis rounded the side of the bar to see the girl from before being held in against the corner by Alya, who was letting her temper get the better of her. Her eyes glowed dangerously, while the girl's eyes looked scared, but defiant.

"Alya."

She released her grip on the front of the girl's shirt and spun to face him.

"Pixis. I was just… "

"I know what you were doing. Head back in, I'll take it from here."

For a moment, she looked like she wanted to argue, but he gave her a rare glare that lasted just long enough for her to nod, and cast one last look of derision to the girl before heading back inside. As the door swung shut behind her, Pixis redirected his attention to the agitator who was breathing heavily and looking thoroughly spooked.

"She didn't hurt you, did she?"

Catching her breath, the girl looked down and shook her head, hands on her knees.

"No… but Jesus… I wouldn't have been surprised if she did!"

 _Neither would I._

"Do you have any idea how stupid what you just did was?"

Now came the anger and challenge as she looked up furiously.

"All I want is justice!"

"So you walk into a heavily populated bar, full of people who very well may know your father's killers or could be them themselves. You make your intentions known to the world, despite it being very obvious that you want to go beyond the law to achieve your ends. You make no regard towards… "

"Alright!"

He had watched her face slowly go from "fuck you" to "oh fuck, what am I doing" as he spoke and as she cut him off, he became convinced he had made his point.

 _Still…_

"What's your name, lass?"

She leaned against the wall, wiping her lower lip angrily.

"Mina."

"No last name?"

"None of your business?"

He gave a hearty laugh surprising both her and himself.

"Now you're learning. Well Mina, I ask that you return here tomorrow night at the same time."

She cast him a curious look.

"Why?"

"I may know someone who can help you."

Straightening, she stared him down, both confusion and suspicion emanating from her face.

"First you're calling me out and now you want to help me?"

"I called you stupid. I didn't say I didn't want to help you."

Several seconds passed while she clearly contemplated his offer. Then, she crossed her arms and blew some hair out of her face that had likely come askew during her rough handling by Alya.

"Alright old man. Will do."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Her thigh having long since fallen asleep since she had lain Sasha's head on it, Mikasa wiggled her toes lightly to try and get the blood moving. The sun was now high in the sky and while she wanted to get some sleep herself, under no circumstances was she going to drift off with her friend in her care.

 _Not again._

They were in her room, Mikasa leaning against the backboard of the bed with Sasha lying on her side, head on her lap. The minutes had ticked into hours, but for Mikasa, having something to wait for was almost refreshing.

She was just starting to imagine how many different tools she could use to strangle Kenny when what he had said came crashing down into her memory.

 _"Let's see if we can give you some marks to match your leader over there."_

She forgot far too often that he was her uncle and had no doubt he had spoken to her father numerous times about what had transpired on both sides. Clenching her fists, she felt disgust welling as she imagined them talking and laughing about what pain they had inflicted on others.

 _Disgusting, savage, pathetic, filthy…_

Sasha stirred on her lap and her inner hateful monologue vanished in an instance.

"Sash… ?"

She moved gently again.

"Mika? Where are… "

As she made to lift her head and look around, she half-yelled, half-whimpered in pain. Mikasa drew her up like a child, holding her and keeping her from moving more. Reaching with one hand, she grabbed the container she had resting on her nightstand.

"Here… under table painkillers. Hange gave them to me while I was still… you know."

Sasha managed a nod and threw down a couple. They remained there for several minutes while Mikasa waited for the pills to do their job. Finally, she felt safe to ask,

"Can you sit?"

Grunting, Sasha twisted slightly.

"I can try."

It took her a few seconds, but she managed to hoist her way up to sitting straight on the bed, swinging her legs over the side.

"Damn… still hurts like a motherfucker… but I can move now at least."

Scooting over next to her, Mikasa glanced briefly out the window.

"Good."

They fell into a relatively peaceful, yet tense silence. They both knew that there was something to talk about, but how they could move to speak, Mikasa didn't know. She thought for the words to say, but nothing sounded right.

 _Apologize? Obviously… but how do you say sorry for something like that? Promise that…_

"Should we talk about it?"

Sasha's question caught her off guard, but she was glad she asked it; she had no idea how to bring it up.

"Yeah, we should."

Another brief interlude of silence had her cursing herself.

 _Just talk, it'll come out, you can't just…_

"I knew something like this would happen eventually."

As Sasha started talking, Mikasa chose to keep quiet and listen. Hopefully, by the end of it, she would have something to say in reply.

"I knew that punishing myself for it would lead to something that I almost couldn't come back from. But in a way, I was almost grateful to able to do it. I knew that at least after the fact, you wouldn't blame Joe for what he did… just putting myself in your shoes, I know that would be too painful. He did what was best for all of us at his own expense. And I prayed you wouldn't blame yourself; too much rides on your shoulders for that to be your burden as well. So I wanted it to be my cross. I wanted to carry it, to keep everyone else as safe as I could from it. Because no matter what, this ultimately comes back to me. My fault."

Her voice cracked.

"My fault. Not his, not yours, not… "

"No."

She spoke before she could find the words to say. Sasha looked over, eyes filled with tears.

"Mika, please… don't deny it like Ilse does… it is my… "

"No Sash, it isn't. You were the only one with the goddamn guts to tell him the truth. Ultimately… it comes down on me."

As the cold truth seared her lips, Sasha grabbed her arm tightly.

"Mika… no… don't say… "

"When we first met him… right after he passed Hange's test in those woods, I talked to him. Gave him the offer that I could hide him. Whisk him away, save him from this life. He denied, but I… I should've forced it. At least then, he'd still be… be… "

She had to swallow hard to keep from breaking her voice. Sasha rested her face against her shoulder and Mikasa felt the warmth of her tears through her shirt.

"We can pass blame around all day, but, no matter what way we look at it, he's gone. And we can't fight that, the same way we can't fight each other. I won't blame anyone else and you won't keep hurting yourself. It's over."

Giving a sniff, Sasha lifted her head and rested it against Mikasa's; for a moment, they nuzzled heads, sharing in their pain.

"Maybe it is over, but… please… don't try and hide it. Not anymore. You have every right to mourn, but it doesn't always have to be in secret. You want to cry, then cry. We're your shoulder to do it on."

Softly, as gently as a spring breeze, she reached over and took cradled Mikasa's head in her hands; as she looked back, she saw the same sorrow she felt reflected in Sasha's eyes, though her friend was wearing the most comforting smile she had ever seen.

"I'm your shoulder."

And she pulled her forward, pressing her lips against Mikasa's forehead and it broke. The wall that she hid behind, that she hid her guilt, her fear, her grief behind; she let the tears spill and fell against Sasha, head falling between her breasts. She tried desperately to hold herself at least somewhat together, but chose instead to give in; she cried and cried, allowing her pride to collapse under the weight of her sorrow. All while she did, Sasha held her, their positions reversed, and sang gently until Mikasa herself drifted off into the relieving grasp of sleep.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

" _Hey, what's up?"_

"I need you to be here tomorrow night."

" _Eh? Don't I normally anyway?"_

"A girl came by tonight. Started shouting about her father had been killed, the cops couldn't do shit about it, and how she wanted someone to help find the killers."

" _Um, that sucks, I guess."_

"I took her outside, said they I would get someone who could help her."

…

" _Pixis, you wouldn't happen to be referring to me, would you?"_

"I would."

" _Jesus, have you lost your fucking mind? Do you remember why I'm here? What would he say, if he knew?"_

"Firstly, he won't know, he doesn't need to know. Secondly, I'm not saying you help her hunt down anyone. I just know what you've been through. You know all about revenge or the lack thereof. I figured you could talk to her, give her some sense."

" _Fuck's sake man, do I look like a fuckin' preacher?"_

"Far from."

…

…

" _Fine. I'll talk to her. But that's all."_

"That's all."

" _And after that, you keep me out of dealings with these damn locals."_

"Keep you out."

" _What time?"_

"Eleven."

" _I'll be there."_

"Thank you."

" _Whatever."_

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Krista glared at the grey sky, daring it to snow. It had been well long enough of a wait, and the snow should have started to appear by now. So she sat, sipping her hot chocolate, listening to Ymir shower as her girlfriend sang along to some heavy metal. Having nothing to do other than sit there and relax felt almost… liberating.

BUZZ

She jumped a foot as her phone vibrated on the coffee table, the first real sound she had heard in minutes. Cursing, and snatching it up, she blinked at the message, heart stopping a brief moment as she saw who it was from.

 _ **We need to talk.**_

Gritting her teeth, she punched back quickly.

 _ **Feel free to call.**_

She rapped her phone against her knee as she waited for the buzz.

 _ **This needs a face to face. I'm on the street, black suburban.**_

Not expecting this whatsoever, her heart rate spiked. She stood, then sat down, then stood again. Stopping herself from shaking, she walked up to the bathroom door, she poked her head in.

"Ymir?"

A hand slipped from behind the curtain and bumped down the volume on the speaker.

"Eh?"

"I'm going on a short walk."

"A what?"

"A walk."

"Whaddaya mean, a walk?"

"I mean a walk, Ymir. I'll probably be back before you're out of the shower."

"Um, okay, uh be safe and stuff."

Her response gave Krista pause for a brief, hearty laugh.

"I will."

Nerves attacking her again, she walked to the door and slipped into her shoes. She paused to wonder if she should put on more clothes, then shrugged it off.

 _He's seen me naked before, what difference will a tank top and short shorts make on a talk._

She was quickly out the door and immediately felt a drop of rain. Picking up her pace, she walked swiftly to the vehicle that had been described. It was only a few doors down and she seized the handle and opened the passenger side door before even checking to make sure it was who she thought. Expectedly, he made to help her get in the car, but she waved him off, and with a slight effort, she managed to get in and slam the door behind her. Rain was now falling gently now, now heavily, but with large drops, striking the windshield and roof; she chose to look at these other than him.

"Well, you couldn't have given me more notice, I suppose."

"I'm sorry. It just hit me as I was driving that this needed to happen."

There was a long pause.

"You look as beautiful as ever."

She closed her eyes.

"Reiner… "

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"No, you shouldn't have. What did you call me out here for?"

He ducked his head, large arms flexing as his grip tightened, then loosened, then tightened on the steering wheel.

"I've thought long and hard about this. I really have. But I can't keep pretending."

Krista finally looked to him, fear closing in.

"What are you talking about?"

He growled and punched the dash half-heartedly; it still made her jump.

"Dammit Krista. Maybe you can hide this from everyone, your friends… "

He jabbed a finger towards her apartment.

"… from the girl who has been willing to do anything for you, no matter the cost to herself, but I can't. Not anymore."

"What are you… "

"You have to tell her. Maybe not everyone else. Not yet. Even though they deserve to know. Bur Ymir… you have to tell her."

Her heart was now pounding viciously against her chest.

"You know I can't."

"Then I will."

"No, you won't. You promised that you wouldn't, that you would keep it a secret."

"I can't… how can you expect me to just live with this? After everything that has happened?"

"Figure it out. I have enough on my plate."

"Krista, please… "

Her frustration snapped her.

"Who the hell do you think you are? Just because we were together at one point, you think you have the right to spill that secret?"

He looked down, guilt on his face.

"It's just as much my burden as yours… "

"Don't you DARE say that! I'm the one that's pregnant, the one who's been shot, the one who just wants my past to go away!"

He met her fierce gaze.

"All of it?"

"ALL OF IT!"

He fell silent, and the only sound that passed between them was her heavy breathing, labored and angry. And it struck her then how cruel it was.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean… "

"No, its fine."

Now she was back inside, sitting on the couch, listening as the shower shut off, trying desperately to keep herself from crying. As she sat there, she tried desperately to think of something else, but all she could ponder were the last words Reiner spoke to her.

"I'll keep quiet. But please… just think on this, if nothing else… don't think of what happens if you tell her. Think of what happens if she finds out on her own."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

After the terrific failure that had proceeded her the previous night, Mina was understandably worried as she pushed her way into the bar, praying that she wouldn't be spotted and ridiculed. Fortunately, drinks seemed to either erase memories or at least dull them and not a single wandering eye did more than examine her as she walked in. She caught the eyes of the gorgeous waitress with the long blonde hair, who gave her a smile that was both friendly and pitying, which Mina found reassuring. Then she caught the gaze of Alya, whose glare passed a simple message.

 _Start shit, and you're on your ass._

She gave an understanding nod and pushed through the throngs of people to the bar where Pixis caught sight of her quickly. Leaning briefly over to her, he jerked his head to the right.

"Down the hall towards the bathroom, then through the door on your left. Up the stairs and the first room you see. He's waiting."

Slightly put off, but no less intrigued, she gave him a thankful smile and moved to follow his instructions. As she proceeded along the hallway to the stairs, she became concerned and thankful as the shouting, talking, and clinking of glasses died away to the sound of darkness.

 _Why did no one light this place up?_

The stairs, she practically had to feel out, it was so dark and as she reached the top, she doubted she would have been able to pick out where thro om was, if moonlight hadn't seeped through the room and outside into the hallway. Swallowing, she eased up to the ajar door and gave a gentle knock.

"Yeah, yeah."

She pushed the door open to allow herself passage, wincing at the loud squeak that followed her. She could only make out a large wardrobe and two chairs in the moonlight, one of which was occupied by someone, slouched and sighing.

"Well, sit down."

She did so slowly and cautiously, speaking as she did.

"You're the guy the bartender went me to see?"

"If you're the girl with a dead dad and a hard case of revengeitis, then yeah, I'm him."

Mina felt a rush of excitement.

"So you can help me then?"

"That remains to be seen."

Wanting to make the best possible impression to the stranger, she extended a hand into the dark between them.

"I'm Mina. Mina Carolina."

He stared at her hand a moment, as though surprised by her good will. Then, he reached out and took it, shaking with a firm and rough grip.

"Pretty name. But please forgive me for now… I have to be very careful who I give my name to. So please… just call me Dust."


	8. Chapter 8

" _ **The truly scary thing about undiscovered lies**_

 _ **is that they have a greater capacity to diminish us than exposed ones.**_

 _ **They erode our strength,**_

 _ **our self-esteem,**_

 _ **our very foundation."**_

― _**Cheryl Hughes**_

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Finally taking a pause for breath, Mina looked up at the young man who had requested that he be referred to as "Dust". Since she had started speaking, he had shifted in his chair once or twice, looking to be listening intently. As she continued, he rose and walked to the window, hands clasped behind his back, occasionally taking a deep inhale.

"… and so he said to come back here tonight, that someone would be waiting who could help me. And now I'm talking to you."

It only struck Mina then that she had just spilled an absurdly personal story to a complete stranger. Yet there was something about him that practically encouraged her to open up to him.

 _I guess when you're desperate._

She waited, resisting the urge to ask him what to do, or tap her feet in anxiety. He continued to stare out the window, almost as still as a statue. Just as she opened her mouth to pose a question that she was still forming in her mind, he spoke without turning.

"And now, what is it you want?"

"I… "

The question threw her off, if only for a moment.

"I want justice for my father."

He nodded slowly.

"Okay. Justice. Okay."

Turning back to her, he leaned against the wall, the darkness eclipsing his face.

"And what would be justice?"

For the second time, Mina was left without words, only this time, she couldn't think of a response to give. At least one that she liked. He seemed to expect this.

"I can see it in your eyes, it's very obvious. You don't want justice. You want revenge."

He stepped free of the shadows and swung the chair around, sitting back down and leaning his arms against the back brace. She still couldn't even begin to wrap her head around a response. He smiled, teeth white against the blackness behind him; he raised his hands.

"Don't fret, I'm not judging you. Hell, positions reversed, I'd probably be after the same thing. But let me ask this: if I agreed to help you track down this persons, or persons, where are we starting? What do we do when we find them? What's in it for me? What's in it for you?"

Mind being slowly overwhelmed, she ground her teeth.

"I don't know!"

He stopped talking, smile fading against his lips.

"You don't know."

Suddenly, unbidden, tears leapt into her eyes. She wanted to shout, to rage, to shake him, force him to understand what she was going through, but she couldn't manage to get her voice above a low, shaky tone.

"Please… I just want these men… to go away… I owe it to my dad… he was all I had… "

This wasn't necessarily true, but as he watched her carefully, she realized the ability she had to play the sympathy card.

"Do you know what it's like… ? To lose someone like that so quickly? To have that piece of your life that was so constant just disappear? I'm living in hell! I wake up and… "

"Stop."

It was her turn to watch him, but he didn't break her gaze, didn't even blink. And though he was looking at her, his eyes seemed to be somewhere else.

"You have a lot of resentment buried in your heart. Let anymore in and it'll eat you alive."

A dark grin crept onto his face.

"It did that to me a good while ago."

She stared at him, wondering if he was going to continue, but he did not. At least a minute passed before he stood up and walked to the door. Panic started to fill her veins as she watched what she thought to be her only hope leave, but as she opened her mouth to apologize, to beg him not to leave, he spoke. It sounded nothing like it had before, low, menacing, and… agonized?

"I came here with the intention of talking you out of doing anything beyond the law, but I see now that you won't be dissuaded whether I help you or not. So I will, if only because I don't want to see you die. That would be a waste. But one last thing… "

Elation had funneled its way into her veins and she was starting to smile until he looked back; she shrank away from his gaze, wishing she could muster the strength to close her eyes.

"... you know nothing of hell."

It was all she could do to nod hastily at his glare. He watched her for several seconds. Then, the hateful gaze evaporated, and he returned to the quirky mood that she had met him in.

"I'll come by your place tomorrow, around dusk. We'll start then."

He swept around the corner and she waited until she could no longer hear the echo of his footsteps before even daring to breathe again.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

 _Every nerve in her body seemed to be on fire as she lay back and let him take her. Her body rocked as he thrust into her again and again; feeling the drugs coursing through her, she cupped her breasts in her hands as he drove her back and forth. It felt good… far better than anything she could have imagined. He gave a particularly hard push and the gasped, arching her back._

" _Did that… did that… hurt?"_

 _His voice was so heavily slurred by the alcohol that she could barely form it into words. She reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled herself up; he was twitching madly inside her. For all she could tell, they were soaring through space, locked together in black passion, living every second as one._

 _And Krista was loving every moment of it._

 _She dragged her tongue up his neck before whispering in his ear._

" _No… it's… amazing… "_

 _Her words gave him new energy and he growled, pounding her with all of the force his hammered body could muster. She did her best to do her part, meeting his thrusts and taking everything he gave her. And yet… she couldn't shake the feeling that something was very, very wrong. It was a distant thought granted, so distant that she couldn't fathom how it had slipped into her blasted consciousness. But it was there regardless._

 _Any real thought she had was drowned immediately as he sped up, somehow. She gasped for breath in the darkness before leaning back on her palms and moaning without shame to the vast darkness that surrounded them. It truly wasn't possible that sex could feel this good._

" _Oh shit… oh… oh fuck… no, no, no, don't… don't stop… keep… ahhh shit, I'm gonna… oh fuck, I'm… "_

 _It was impossible to translate into words what she was feeling, the words that spilled from her mouth was just lust given sentence, though it certainly seemed to keep him satisfied. She dropped back and clenched her teeth, her lower body spasming with ecstasy as she came; throwing her head back, she screamed his name, the desire and greed for him taking her higher and higher… and there it was again. That same filthy, obnoxious thought, telling her what she was doing was wrong. She cursed it, and pulled herself back up, driving her tongue into his mouth._

" _Krista… I'm… I'm… "_

 _She took his face in her hands._

" _Yeah? Yeah?"_

 _He eyes were so lost in the moment, the booze, the passion, it was like she was looking at someone else, a ravenous animal who lived for what she was giving him. And it was driving her all the more wild; they stared hungrily at each other as she rode him, blonde hair whirling about like a storm, wrapping them up as they flew through space, time ceasing to..._

 _KNOCK KNOCK_

 _The room came swirling back into reality as the knock on the door jolted Krista free of the state she had been in. Ignoring his moans against her breast, she stared over his shoulder towards the door._

" _Krista? You in there?"_

 _As recognition took over, she gasped and swung her hand for the light switch; the drugs seeping through her didn't agree with the sudden action and her errant hand sent a vase on the nightstand crashing to pieces against the tile floor._

" _Krista?"_

 _The voice at the door spoke again, now with a definite overarching tone of urgency, and its voice melded with the one of her present sex partner, who now sounded more and more urgent himself, arms shaking and moving around her waist. She felt panic drive her heart rate up as she thought desperately for what to do… then that panic was multiplied by tenfold as he yelled against her. Gasping again, her mind raced as she leapt free from him, feeling fresh warmth erupt between her legs as she somehow managed to swing herself around and close her mouth around his sex. As he filled her mouth, her head spun, and she prayed that she had separated in time, just as the door was kicked open nearly flying off its hinges._

 _Eyes watering as he pushed against her throat, she looked to see Reiner standing in the doorway, eyes rapidly assessing the situation. His face was lit by shock, disbelief at what he saw. Finally, seeming to snap free of whatever was holding him in place, he stepped forward. She reached for him as her friend collapsed beside her; Reiner reached for her in turn as she fell and then blackness was all she knew._

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

It hurt how quickly she sat up in bed, sweat causing her nightshirt to cling to her as she struggled to catch her breath. Panting and looking around the dark room, Krista snapped her head to the left and resisted giving a tremendous sigh of relief that Ymir hadn't woken as well. She sat as quietly as she could, the relief of waking from a nightmare quickly giving way to the terrible gut-wrenching feelings of guilt that had been plaguing her for months.

 _You have to tell her._

How? How could she? What possible words could she sling together to admit the truth and jointly keep Ymir from leaving her.

 _She deserves better._

It was true. It hurt terribly to even think, but it was true. All the things Ymir had done, getting Krista shot, being overprotective every step of the way, lying to her the night that he…

 _That he… oh Jesus… why… ?_

It truly felt like hell; Reiner was right. What if Ymir found out some other way? What then?

 _I can't lose her._

Wondering if she would be able to get any more sleep that night, Krista lay gently back down and pressed her lips against Ymir's back, letting the tears flow.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Mikasa smiled as Sasha gave a short yelp as the needle traveled its slow path along her side. The two of them were seated in line along with Ilse, the three of them all undergoing the slow process of marking their bodies with ink. Annie was leaning against the windowsill, eyes traveling from outside to them; she smiled now as Sasha hissed angrily.

"C'mon Sash, this is your third one, isn't it?"

"Yes, yes, but that doesn't mean it gets any… "

She inhaled sharply as the needle made another less comforting pass.

"EASier."

Ilse laughed; this was far from her first time and she looked about as at home as anyone could be, sitting in the chair while her neck was worked on. It wasn't lost on Mikasa how often Annie's eyes flicked to her; the two had been marginally opposed to tattoos all through high school, so when she had decided to throw her unmarked skin to the wind, Annie had of course been surprised.

 _Well… as surprised as Annie can get what with raising her eyebrow slightly._

Keeping her teeth almost permanently gritted, Sasha glanced to her right.

"How bout you Mika? Doing good?"

Shrugging softly as to not interrupt her artist's work, she shook her head.

"Everything's fine so far."

She flicked her gaze to the girl working near her left breast.

"I hope."

The girl stepped away a moment laughing.

"You are looking damn good. You have some of the nicest skin I have ever worked on… "

Mikasa smiled briefly at the compliment.

"Thanks."

The young man working on Sasha switched off his machine and stepped back, chuckling at her sigh of relief.

"You're all done, ma'am."

He carefully applied a bandage over where he had been working, then stepped away.

"Keep that wrapped for two or three hours, then let it breathe."

She gave him a nod, and blew out a long sigh as he walked away.

"Glad that's over."

Annie sighed herself and stepped forward tapping Mikasa's artist on the shoulder.

"You guys got a bathroom?"

"Oh yeah, back where he came from and down the hall. Second door on the right."

As Annie walked off and with Ilse striking up a conversation with her own artist, Mikasa looked to her right.

"How's your… ?"

She let the question drag off; it wasn't difficult to guess at what she was inquiring about. Sasha gave her a smile of appreciation.

"Better. Painkillers definitely help."

She adjusted herself, looking uncomfortable.

"How did Hange take it?"

Mikasa replied, phrasing in as much a way as she could to keep specifics at a minimum for the wandering ear of her artist to pick up on. She had no reason to suspect him of anything, but it was fairly personal.

"Probably how'd you expect. Spent the first five minutes calling you an idiot, then the next five spewing all the different ways she was going torture the hell out of you-know-who."

Sasha nodded, eyes downcast. Reaching over, Mikasa took her wrist gently.

"I think she's just glad it wasn't worse."

Laughing gently, a dark smile passed over Sasha's face.

"Who knows… how long until he thinks of a reasonable excuse to do one of us in for looking at him wrong?"

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Stepping out into the afternoon, Annie stretched her neck, wincing. Mikasa had been telling her for years to get ahold of her bad posture, but it was something that as long as she wasn't paying it now, Annie could care less what it would mean in her future. She held the door for her two friends and they started walking towards where Sasha was chatting animatedly with someone they couldn't make out. It wasn't until Ilse gave a low mutter, that Annie allowed herself to chuckle inwardly.

"Oh shit… Thomas?"

It was indeed him, the geek from high school whose affinity for being a boy scout was only ever outmatched by Marco. His interests in academics never made for exciting topics of conversation, but he had always had a way with words that made talking to him bring a smile to your face. Though as they approached the pair of them, Annie was smiling for a whole different reason.

 _Wonder if he's still got the hots for her… ?"_

"… so of course, I was trying to pick out something that would at least be a field I'm interested in, but you know how difficult that can be when you're staring down… Oh! Oh uh… hello! Long time no since… been a while!"

"Fuckin' slick… "

Ilse had no trouble voicing the amusement that Annie felt as Thomas went red seeing Mikasa again. He wasn't the only boy or girl)who had eyes on the raven-haired girl during high school, he was just one of the many who was swallowed up in their pursuit of her, but she had never had the time for any of them. Though to see him again now and know that nothing had changed… there was definitely something nostalgic about it.

Mikasa gave him a warm smile as they approached and Annie blinked in confusion. She hadn't seen her friend smile in months.

"Good to see you again, Thomas. School after school treating you alright?"

"You as well! Uh… I mean, as well as can be expected… it's hard to find the right niche for sure, but I just have to keep, you know, barreling through… "

Oblivious to Sasha and Ilse silently snickering, he at least seemed to realize how much of a fool he was making himself.

"So… you guys just got out of getting some tattoos?"

She seemed to know the spell she had him under and gave another smile.

"Mm-hmm."

Reaching to her shirt she pulled it down so he could see the bandage; the skin she showed made Thomas completely outdo himself on how red he could get. He stared unblinkingly though it was obvious he wished to do otherwise. Finally, upon finally catching an earful of Sasha laughing, he blinked hard seven or eight times and looked away.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, very… very juvenile I know."

Sasha leaned into him, smirking playfully.

"Thomas… have you still not seen a woman naked?"

If it were possible, he would have grown redder. Instead, he did the typical Thomas thing of blustering furiously every time the subject of sex was brought up.

"No, I… I mean, none of your business! I can't see how that holds any relevance in this scenario, and I would rather you… "

Turning to the right, and trying huffily to ignore the amused laughs and looks he was getting, his gaze went from annoyed to concerned.

"Say, Ilse… isn't that your car?"

Ceasing in her laughter, she tracked where he was looking down the alley, where, sure enough, her car sat. And someone was doing a very good job of trying to break into it.

"Son of a BITCH!"

She shouted and sprinted towards the would-be thief, Sasha right behind her. Annie looked at Mikasa who shrugged.

"Nice seeing you again Thomas."

And she too followed swiftly after them; Annie rolled her eyes and joined the pursuit. As they raced up to him, the kid looked up; he was only a kid, greasy, young and probably with a lot to worry about back home. Annie knew that wouldn't stop Ilse from fusing his head with the concrete.

"Hey, what the fuck do you think… "

From out of sight, he pulled a tire iron up and swung it. Ilse's reflexes were good, but he still managed to catch her slightly and she toppled back, grabbing at her face. Sasha roared, leaping past her and driving a foot into the kid's gut. He gasped and staggered backward, iron clattering to the ground beside him. Ilse staggered up, hissing in pain.

"You little shit… "

She caught him with a harsh left and as he fell, she stomped hard on his calve. Squealing, he scrambled desperately up and ran out towards the opposite side of the alley. As he did, he collided with someone walking around the side; his fear and panic clearly got the better of him.

"Officer, officer, they've got drugs!"

And he was gone, sprinting out of sight. The police officer who had nearly been made roadkill looked after him in surprise and confusion.

"Hey! Hey, come back!"

When it became obvious the kid was doing nothing of the sort, he looked back to them.

"What in the hell… ?"

And Annie saw what he saw and she swore so violently that a passing sailor would have likely blushed. Sasha scooted to the side, trying to block the trunk that the kid had popped open from the officer's view, but it was too late by then. Annie took an instinctive step forward and looked to Mikasa who shook her head quickly. The policeman's eyes narrowed.

"Ladies, what's in the trunk?"


	9. Chapter 9

The sun was high in the sky behind the clouds as he paced cautiously into the bar; it was far less crowded than it was likely to be when evening approached, but he preferred it this way. He stamped his boots free of the light snow that had collected on their undersides and took a deep breath; the booze and grill –smelling air was a preferable option from the cold, gasoline reeking air he had been walking through. Pixis was doing glasses behind the counter, looking like he appreciated the general lack of activity in his establishment. He had to reach across the bar to tap the bartender on the shoulder. Pixis turned, mild annoyance giving way to recognition and amusement.

"Thanks for showing last night."

He grunted in reply, feeling the knowing eyes of the bartender searing into him.

"Yeah, yeah. Gimme a Ballast IPA."

Pixis turned to the tap.

"Having a drink so early?"

"Eh, I'm gonna need it."

"Fair enough."

As the older man pulled a glass from the shelf, his eyebrows gently raised as he seemed to remember something. Reaching away, he pulled free a sealed envelope from under the bar, near the register.

"Came in yesterday afternoon, didn't get a chance to hand it off."

"From… ?"

"Yes."

"Thanks. Yeah, last night, there was a probably a good bit on everyone's mind."

Filling the glass silently, PIxis returned it before offering a very amused smile.

"Thought you said you were going to stay out of it."

Bringing the glass up to sip, he stopped, staring ahead.

"Did you bug the room?"

The bartender snorted softly.

"Of course I did. Why wouldn't I?"

"That's uh… that's kinda fucked up, man."

"My place, my rules."

"Still, you shouldn't have… ah, whatever."

He took his beer and wandered off to a booth; behind him, he could practically feel the laugh in the older man's voice.

"Take care."

Waving him off, he made his way to a booth by the window where he could stare down the clouds that so seemed to threaten snow. Feeling a queasy feeling in his stomach, he pulled free his knife and slipped it through the seal, and pulled the letter free and began to digest the words immediately.

 _Things in the business are moving as smoothly as can be expected, though Kenny is clamping down even harder in certain territories. His demands are getting odd, Hange and myself both speculate that the son of a bitch is flexing his muscle simply for the sake of flexing at this point. Apparently, Sasha gave him some heavy "disrespect" during a handoff and he beat her ass half to death with an electric cable…_

His fist closed so tightly on the table's edge that a splintering crack resonated from the stressed side.

… _but she's doing fine, she has good friends and she's recovering quickly. Jean, the rambunctious entrepreneur that he is has been ramping up his own business. He's not anything to compare with anything you were involved in, but it's only a matter of time before Kenny forces him to sit at the table._

 _Business aside, Hange mentioned, upon a small amount of prodding, that Mikasa has started smiling again. Small ones, but its something. I don't know if that'll give you any damn solace or not. Krista is very far along, I imagine the baby will be here any day now. Armin, despite having taken up political office already, has started to plan for what Eren has let slip is his run for mayor. It's absurd to think about, but the little shit is already garnering far more support than could have been expected. Maybe, in time, I'll send along some adverts when and if his campaign ever takes off._

 _I know you're probably losing your fucking mind up there, but keep it together. I haven't forgotten our promise, I check on Mikasa daily whether or not she knows it, and she seems to be recovering, even if it's as slowly as molasses in January._

 _Stay safe and don't do anything stupid._

 _Levi_

Mustering a bitter smile at the cold way Levi always signed off his letters, he leaned back and sighed, attempting to process everything he had just read. It hurt to think about everything that was transpiring while he was away. The longer he remained out here, the more his parents and extended family became a distant memory, and yet somehow, his memories of the last year of his life seemed all the more vivid and painful. As a particularly agonizing pulse struck his gut, he leaned forward and gave what he meant to be a sigh, but what turned out as a growl.

"Please… can you still miss her like that? Especially when Levi seems to think… she may be moving on?"

He lifted his head to see Dust sitting across from him, stealing a swig from his glass. Growling again, he reached out and snatched it back.

"What do you want?"

Dust adopted a mock-hurt expression that clashed terribly with his permanent manic grin.

"Calm down, I have to keep an eye on you."

"Could you not? I have enough to worry about right now without having to deal with your nonsense."

Leaning back, Dust looked away, shrugging.

"Fine, shut off from the only individual who you can talk to."

He cursed, knowing Dust was completely right. He clenched his teeth and closed his eyes.

"You think she's forgetting about me? Moving on? Leaving… leaving me behind?"

"Why would it matter?"

"In case… in case I ever… "

"Go back? Just a few days ago you were moping about how that wasn't an option."

"Maybe… maybe I could… "

Though he wasn't looking back to see, he could feel Dust's tremendous grin burning at the side of his head.

"Ah. This isn't about her forgetting you. This is you not forgetting her."

He looked back forward, snapping angrily.

"Of course I'm not forgetting her."

"Hmm."

Looking down at his clenched fists, he felt Dust lean forward.

"You remember her face? Her smile? Her laugh? How she touched you, made you feel like everything you've suffered through was worth it? The way her lips felt? The way she held you when you needed it? The whisper that told you everything… "

"Enough."

And Dust stopped, still smiling, for he knew that was indeed enough,

"Perhaps you may be able to return? But… do you really think she'd take you back?"

He bowed his head again, closing his eyes and praying to anyone who was listening that she would, that she would forgive him, that it would be okay, that…

 _Oh fuck… how could she?_

"You doing alright?"

He snapped his head up, only after a second realizing that the voice who had spoken wasn't Dust. As he caught himself from snarling something particularly nasty, he swallowed and corrected his mood. Across from him now (though he couldn't fathom how quickly Dust had got up and left) was the long-haired blonde who worked as a waitress. She was wearing a dazzling, yet almost mischievous smile, but there was an undertone of concern in her beautiful blue eyes. For a moment, she had him speechless.

"Uh… yeah, I'm doing okay… I'm sorry, you… ?"

She gave a cute shrug and leaned back; he realized now that he was closer up what an incredible body she had, and he quickly blinked away from the voluptuousness of her front before she caught him staring.

"You looked kind of depressed. And… "

Looking around, her blonde hair tossed about in a mesmerizing fashion and he felt a painful stab at his gut as he thought to Krista.

"… we aren't seeing a lot of action, so I thought I'd do a civic duty."

Giving in to sociality, he smiled, deciding to participate in the conversation.

"I've seen you around in here. You don't normally give the time of day to anyone in here other than by passing out drinks."

"I've seen you around in here as well. And normally, I don't because this place attracts a good deal of people over the age of sixty and with personalities like a rock met a pornstar."

He laughed at her joke more heartily than he expected to come out. She smiled more broadly.

"And you don't seem like 'anyone', if I'm being honest."

"No? What do I seem like?"

They locked eyes.

"Someone."

After a moment, she looked away and tapped his glass.

"May I?"

He waved her ahead.

"Yeah, no, sure. IPA. I can get a… "

She gave him a derisive look.

"Please, don't tell me you still believe in cooties."

"Hardly, I was more speaking for your sake."

"You sick?"

"Nah."

"So what's the problem?"

He shrugged matter-o-factly.

"I have cooties."

Staring at him for a few seconds, she finally settled on a knowing smile.

"You're kinda funny."

She took a heavy swing of his beer and swallowed, nodding approvingly.

"So. You seem like a smart young guy. Why are out here in the middle of nowhere instead of being in college or something similar?"

"I was, actually."

"What happened?"

"Life got in the way."

"As per uge."

He nodded.

"As her uge."

"So you wound up out here doing… what?"

"Living on welfare."

She laughed, a songful, incredible sound.

"Seriously."

"Whatever I can. Came out here with a good bit of wallet, but I work where I can, doing what I can."

"Street corner?"

"Fifty bucks a pop."

She smirked.

"I'll keep an eye out."

"Dope. I'll give you a discount."

He toyed with his glass before flipping the topic.

"How about you? Beautiful young girl, working in a shed like this?"

Sighing, she adopted a tired, almost regretful look.

"I have to look after my sister. She's a little… you know."

"No, actually, I don't."

She shifted in her seat.

"… challenged."

Raising a hand, he shook his head.

"Hey, hey, no need to tell me, didn't mean to pry."

"No, it's fine. I just have to keep an eye on her. Pixis pays me well and I'm building up some buffer money so someday I can… "

She stopped, her eyes glazing.

"Hell, I don't know. Go somewhere, see something."

"World's a big place."

Sighing again, her voice truly exuded sadness.

"Not big enough."

He stared, trying desperately to think of something to say that had some level of comfort, but her cryptic words gave him nothing to work with. Suddenly, the door swung open and the strike of the bell turned both of their heads. Looking at the pair of gentlemen that had entered, the reality returned to her eyes.

"Well, I'd better take care of them."

Reaching across, she extended a hand.

"Florian."

He smiled and took it.

"Good to meet you. I'm… "

"I know your name."

Blinking, he connected the dots.

"Pixis?"

"Yeah."

He nodded, feeling something that felt like disappointment as she stood. She stopped and looked at him with curiosity in her eyes. Finally, she said,

"Tell you what. Come back tomorrow. I'll take off early and we can hang out, talk some more."

His gut surged against his will.

"Are you asking me out?"

"Are you saying yes?"

"I'd be a fool not to."

Breaking into another glowing smile, she turned and walked towards the counter; he practically had to steer his eyes away from her short jeans.

"Chill. See you then, Joe."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Mikasa drilled her mind frantically as they were forced to stand aside and let the officer look into the back of Ilse's civic. Sasha had the same look of distress on her face that Ilse did, both looked ready to vomit. Annie quickly glanced to the front and back and made a motion as if to jump the policeman, but Mikasa shook her head. That was not a situation they needed to get into.

 _But frankly, neither is this._

The drugs in the trunk were enough to punch a seven year sentence in prison and the officer seemed to know this. Sighing, he turned to Ilse.

"This your vehicle."

She wiped the worry off her face and stepped up to take the hit.

"Yes."

"I'm gonna need you step away from the car."

Complying, she paced several steps away from her friends and put her hands up against the wall before he could ask.

"I'm carrying. On my waist, left."

He seemed surprised but thankful for her cooperation and walked over to give her a pat down and relieve her of her weapon. Glancing their way, he made as if to pull his own gun.

"I'm going to need the rest of you to grab the wall as well."

They did slowly and Mikasa slowly started giving merit to Annie's thought to end this quickly, but violently. Sasha kept opening and closing her mouth, but by now it was obvious there was nothing she could say or do. They all collectively swore silently as the handcuffs snapped around Ilse's wrists. He took her and began leading her towards where his car must've been.

"You three will stay put if you know what's good for you."

And the pair of them were around the corner of the alley and out of sight. As the footsteps faded, Sasha hissed frantically.

"Mika, the fuck do we do?"

Annie started to answer for her.

"We don't have an option, we draw guns, and as soon as he gets back around… "

"Annie."

The blonde snapped her cold eyes to meet her gaze and the look said everything. They were friends as close as could be. But Mikasa was still in charge.

"We wait until he moves to cuff one of us. Whoever is immediately able to, grab him by the neck, we do this quiet. Knock him against the hood door and pile him in as quickly as we can. Then we book it, and call Hange. From there… "

She shook her head.

"… from there, we'll figure something out."

She looked away from Sasha's apprehensive face and Annie's seething one; it was hard to cut her like that, but she knew what Annie thought of her. She had to break that mold.

Footsteps approached and they all tensed.

"Hey guys."

They all turned as the sound of a car driving off echoed behind them. Ilse was standing there, gun in hand and wallet in the other. Sasha blinked and spoke for them.

"The fuck?"

"He just… "

She shrugged and looked just as bewildered as they did.

"… turned me loose. Asked for my wallet and when he took it, he looked at it, saw my name maybe and just uncuffed me. Said not to make a stupid mistake like that again, not all of 'his people' were on our side."

Mikasa's mind raced as Annie shook her head.

"What in the hell does that mean… "

It was obvious not one of them had an answer.

 _But I bet I know who does._

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

 _The couch felt cold as she sat down, blinking as her gaze passed over the rising sun. The headache would have been torturous if not for the pills Reiner had given her, though she still moved about sluggishly as the world churned in her vision. In the chair next to the couch, Reiner sat, large fingers laced as he clearly pondered how best to approach what she knew they needed to talk about. They sat in silence for minutes before he finally sighed and cleared his throat._

" _Krista… what happened?"_

 _She remembered all of it, so well, though she wished she didn't. It was so foolish, so childish, so…_

" _The doctor called me. Said they got the results of the IUI back way early. I went in and he said… well, it wasn't good. Didn't know if I'd be able to get pregnant this way. Ymir's out hunting with Sash, I didn't know who to talk to… "_

" _Krista… you have so many people who care about you… "_

" _Reiner… I know."_

 _She swallowed; it was already getting hard to talk about._

" _I went into town, just looking for somewhere to just get wasted… and I ran into Hitch from high school. You remember her? Cheerleading with me and Mina, kind of snobby… "_

" _Yeah… I remember… "_

" _We got to talking, catching up and she noticed I was looking down. When she asked, I said I didn't want to talk about it and she didn't press it. She did ask if I wanted to come over to her place for a bit. I did and she had… some kind of LSD that… "_

 _He put his head in his hands._

" _Oh fuck Krista… "_

 _Feeling tears start to slide, she reached out and put a desperate hand on his knee._

" _Reiner, please!"_

 _He reached out and took her arm; they locked eyes and he, closed his eyes briefly before nodding. Taking a shaky breath, she continued._

" _Obviously, we both partook… she passed out fairly quickly, but I… I started feeling… angry. Frustrated. I just was so furious that this world would give me the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, but not let us have a child."_

 _His eyes watched her, graciously non-judgmental._

" _I went to the streets and started storming around… cursing, crying… and I found him."_

 _Reiner wouldn't blink._

" _He was against a street pole, pretty drunk, clearly enjoying the new freedom we've given him. He got worried the instant he saw me and I started crying again and told him what happened. After, he said we needed to find somewhere to lie me down and we found this motel."_

 _It was getting hard to speak again._

" _He snatched some booze from behind the counter and kept drinking, soon he was so drunk he couldn't do much of anything other than lie there and try and speak comfort to me… I was so… thankful for him for being there. And I realized what he could give me."_

 _She shook and Reiner stood, sitting beside her and wrapping her up in a warm embrace._

" _I can blame it on the drugs, but it was me, it was all me. I took him then and there, he tried to stop me at first, but I told him it was fine. To take me. And he did, and… and it wasn't until the end that I realized what I was really doing. I tried to get off and I did, but I don't know if… if… "_

 _By then, she was sobbing and Reiner let her, holding her the same way he used to, years ago, under the trees in his backyard._

" _Reiner… how'd you find us… ?"_

" _I was out walking the streets, waiting for a call from Bertholdt when I saw the pair of you walking to the motel... I wanted to mind my own business, but my conscious ragged at me. After almost thirty minutes, I went to the motel and found your room. I knocked the door half-down when I heard the vase break."_

 _Silence returned for a minute while she processed this and regained control of her breathing._

" _What do I do?"_

" _What do you mean?"_

" _How do I tell Ymir? What do I say to him? What do I DO, Reiner?"_

" _Does… does he love you? Like she does?"_

" _No, no, no, we've gotten close, and he means so much to me… he saved my life Reiner! More than once, now that I think about it! But… no, he has eyes for Mikasa, everyone knows it. We talked about it briefly… he said that after a hell of an argument, she straight up KISSED him…"_

" _Really."_

" _Yeah… I told him to not worry, to not hide from his feelings, but… no, he doesn't feel that way about me, not like Ymir."_

 _She shook again, tears spilling out._

" _No one loves me like she does."_

 _He nodded._

" _Well, I don't know what I can say… there's so much there that… "_

" _Hello?"_

 _They both released each other and stood, staring at the bedroom door where the voice had come from. He stood there, clutching his head and looking to be in an immense amount of pain._

" _Krista… ? Is that you…?"_

 _As his head swayed, she blinked in confusion._

" _Yes… can you not see me?"_

" _It's real… real blurry. I can see you and someone next to you…_

" _Is your head hurting?"_

" _Yeah, helluva headache… "_

" _You were… you were fairly drunk."_

" _Yeah, I'd say… how'd I get here?"_

 _She opened her mouth, assuming his question was rhetorical, and prepared to apologize._

" _And where is here anyway?"_

 _Even more confused, she looked to Reiner, who wasn't opening his mouth; then they both seemed to have a similar realization._

" _Do you not remember… where we are?"_

" _No… "_

 _He stumbled slightly, and fell against the wall for support._

" _I remember… being in a bar… walking… at night… but that's it."_

 _Krista's heart was pounding wildly in her chest._

" _You don't remember running into me? Winding up here?"_

" _No… I don't remember a single fuckin' thing."_

 _,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,_

Huffing away her annoyance at how long it had taken to check out, Ymir pushed the bag of groceries into a more secure position as she hit a right turn particularly hard.

 _Getting pretty tired of high schoolers who can't tell their head from their ass ringing me up._

She tapped the steering wheel, anxious to be home. In a perfect world, Krista would be sound asleep, as she was supposed to be getting as much rest as she was able, but Ymir knew how she hated following doctor's orders.

 _Cheeky rebel…_

Caught up in her thoughts, she was almost startled by her phone ringing. Glancing at it briefly, she frowned, but answered regardless.

"Reiner. What's up?"

"Hey Ymir. I'm sorry for calling like this, but… we need to talk."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

 **AN: So with me having punched out a good deal of story in preparation for finals week when writing will become more difficult, I wound up logging myself with more material than I expected… so apologies if this is a tad much content for a week, but this chapter in particular needed to be sent out quickly… hope you enjoy regardless.**


	10. Chapter 10

" _ **[T]hou canst not think worse of me**_

 _ **than I do of myself."**_

― _**Robert Burton**_

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Annie listened in silence as Hange finished her explanation. Mikasa wore the same poker face she did, though Sasha looked slightly more peeved and was doing no such job of hiding it. As silence fell and Hange leaned back, clearly waiting for the earful she expected from Sasha, Ilse spoke first,

"We now have a fair amount of police contacts and insiders and… "

She pinched the bridge of her nose.

"How long ago was this?"

"Months ago. After the compound."

"And… you didn't tell us because… ?"

Hange sighed.

"Would it have mattered? Erwin still is trying to hammer down a list of names that he knows we can trust, so it's not as if we have any sort of reliable means of working with them. I could have told you, but what were the chances you could have gotten sloppy or careless because you had a thought that we had the law on our side?"

"We wouldn't have… "

She shook her head.

"You don't know that, and neither do I. What you experienced this afternoon was sheer luck. We cannot rely on police of any sort until we know for sure who we can trust."

Her words seemed to have quelled Sasha's anger which had dissipated into resentment as she eyed the ground moodily. Ilse sighed and nodded.

"Alright. At least we know now."

The amount of emphasis she put on the word "now" was considerably noticeable and Hange narrowed her eyes; Annie spoke up, knowing she couldn't defuse the tension, but knowing she could at least push into something else.

"So two jobs then? Two-three split?"

Blinking, Hange looked away from Ilse and to her.

"Yes. Well, no. Yes and no. Two jobs, but it'll just be the four of you. I have other plans for Ymir."

She rolled out a map and they all leaned over, watching observantly.

"A week or so ago, we lost one of our connections towards the east when a couple of numbskulls, whom I shouldn't have trusted with the talk, "accidentally" blew his head off when an argument over stowed product broke out. They've been dealt with accordingly, but we now lack a middle-man or men to deal with that neck of the woods."

She pointed as she spoke.

"Ilse and Sasha, I'm having the two of you head out there, you'll be attending dinner with someone who possibly wants to step in and fill the role. I'll need the pair of you looking nice, talking nice, and making a nice impression."

"Who is this someone?"

Hange shrugged, looking almost excited.

"Don't know. Only that he wants to talk, test the waters. But not knowing is half the fun, isn't it?"

Ilse shifted her weight, looking mildly nervous, but Sasha on the other hand looked positively upbeat, a considerable change from her mood less than a minute ago.

"Okay, we'll sweet talk him. But, why us?"

Glancing sideways, Hange shrugged again.

"Annie and Mikasa would probably scare him off."

Sasha laughed.

"Fair enough."

"The two of you should get moving as soon as you're able. Drive's a few hours, so leave now and you'll have time to get ready and be there with time to spare."

Grinning, Sasha took Ilse by the arm and half-dragged her from the room.

"We're on it boss."

The door swung shut behind them, and they could hear her talking excitedly all the way down the hall.

"… I'm wearing the yellow, you can wear the blue, do you still have that? They'd look great together although I worry about what would happen if while… "

Hange chuckled.

"She'll always be a little girl, no matter what she goes through."

She seemed to sense the inappropriateness of her own comment and she cleared her throat. Annie turned back forward.

"You meant for them to leave before telling us our assignment."

Their boss sighed.

"Was it that obvious?"

"Fairly."

"Well, as you say. I wanted to keep this between the three of us… Sasha wouldn't care much, but she'd likely tell Ymir who also wouldn't care, but who would tell Krista. And Ilse's been indisposed to this kind of work since… well, you remember."

Mikasa's clenched fist was response enough. Annie picked up quickly on what was being put down.

"You're having us hit."

She looked almost uncomfortable which was genuinely unlike her.

"The gentleman we're holding downstairs informed me that the leak about last month's shipment numbers had gone through a farmer who's working undercover as an informant for whoever's willing to pay."

"So why don't we just pay him off?"

She shook her head.

"Whatever his price is, it'll be too much to hope that he won't spill the beans to anyone further down the line. I need this done."

After several seconds, Mikasa nodded.

"Alright. How we doing it?"

A second map was brought out, much more focused and empty looking then the one of the town Sasha and Ilse were being sent to.

"Having you guys head out same as them, as soon as you can. I just need you to be there and ready, he won't be in until tomorrow. You'll stay the night there, then head to his farm and wait for him to come back around noon. You'll be positioned… "

She tapped on what looked to be a hill overlooking the farm and the house.

"… up here. I'd rather you not have to get any closer than you need to. One of you spots, the other shoots, I'll leave that up to you. Wait for the car, take the shot and preferably, then, you're out of there and heading home."

Annie shifted her footing.

"Easy enough."

Looking more nervous still, Hange nodded, movement contrasting with the look on her face.

"One can hope. But any number of things could go wrong. Factors, variables, can change."

Mikasa rapped the table in a sign of finality.

"We'll handle it."

She left without another word. Annie remained a moment, glancing at the floor, towards where her friend had just left from. Turning back towards Hange, she saw the worry in her eyes.

"Keep an eye on her, would you?"

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"How could I have agreed to that?"

"Agreed to what?"

"A date, a hangout… whatever that was… "

"Holy fuck, you're complaining? Did you see that girl? Woo, I'd give an arm to have her for myself for a half hour."

"Looks aren't all there are to women. To anyone."

"Relax, I'm just screwing around. What's the problem?"

"I can't go out with someone else… not when… when… "

"When what? You can't feel guilty about that. Don't forget, over there, you're dead. You certainly left her behind. Nothing to feel guilty about."

"We still… "

"You two are nothing. Not anymore. Didn't you hear her over the comms? 'JOSEPH, YOU PIECE OF SHIT, HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME LIKE THAT… '"

"SHUT UP!"

"Ooh, didn't like that, huh. My bad."

"It just… it just doesn't feel right… I swore myself to her… "

"Yeah, in front of a fuckin' mirror. Grow up, would you."

"But… how can I just… "

"Easy. Meet her tomorrow, take her out, show her a good time. You'll forget… ah, well you won't forget, but you'll move on. And that's a better deal than anything."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Biting a curse off against the cold air that swirled around her, Ymir leaned against the tree, attempting to use it to protect herself from the wind. She had never liked winter, for a myriad of reasons, and this was one of them. She couldn't stand being cold and she wondered why Reiner hadn't ask to simply meet in a coffee shop or something similar.

Hearing a car door slam from beyond the grassy hill she stood on, she turned her head slightly, then looked back forward, sighing and crossing her arms. Truth be told, she hadn't a clue what he wanted to talk about, but it was at least slightly worrisome that he had said it needed to be in person. She listened to the grass swish around his well-built legs and felt him walk up beside her. He said nothing and she wondered if that came from him not wanting to say something or from him not knowing what to say.

"What's up Reiner. You said this was important?"

She could practically hear him swallow; this concerned her even more. Reiner was naturally afraid of very little, so his fear of speaking to her now meant something of some nature was seriously wrong.

And Ymir prayed it wasn't what she thought it was.

"Yes. It's… about Krista."

Not wanting to beat around the bush whatsoever, she steeled herself for the worst.

"You been seeing her? She with you behind my back?"

"What… ? No, I… "

She turned and fixed her most Annie-esque gaze upon him.

"Please Reiner, I hope you don't disrespect me enough to lie to my face."

"Ymir, I promise you that I have never once attempted to go behind your back since the two of you got together."

"Not once, all since junior year?"

"Never. I'd be lying if I said I didn't regret losing her to someone else, but you made her smile and laugh like no one else could. Do you remember the pep rally? The first one you went to when you were together?"

Surprised by his sudden invigoration, she played along, racking her memory as a fresh, frigid breeze rushed over both of them under the tree.

"Yes… the one where Connie almost set himself on fire with… "

"… with the sparklers and bug spray yes. The one where we were all sitting at the top of the bleachers, Jean was making moves at Mikasa, Eren was making hardly subtle threats to his face, and she was sitting there just ignoring both of them."

Ymir laughed.

"Talking to Marco about the chemistry final, hell yeah I remember that."

There was a fierce passion in his eyes that almost frightened her.

"I'm ashamed to say that I had spent the better portion of that afternoon staring angrily at you. I couldn't see what had driven her to you and away from me so quickly. But then… while Bertholdt was telling me something and I was blatantly ignoring him, you whispered something in her ear. Her face lit up like the sun and she gave the most beautiful laugh I've ever heard. Nothing like the laughs she had given when she was around me."

By this point, Ymir could only stare at him.

"She's yours Ymir, she'll always be. You are the angel she's always deserved. Even if I could never see it."

Genuinely touched by what he said, she felt a strange rush of affection for the big oaf.

"… thanks man… "

He smiled back at her, but the smile quickly faded as he clearly was reminded of the reason he had asked her here.

"Ymir… please do not interrupt me or kill me or whatever you're going to want to do until I'm done talking."

This caught her off guard and the actual worry she felt in his voice was the most disconcerting thing she had yet experienced.

"Reiner, what are you… "

"No matter what I say, please just listen. Listen to the whole of what I have to say."

It struck Ymir that she was actually scared.

"Alright… shoot… "

He took a deep shuddering breath and started talking.

"I met with Krista about this yesterday. We've known this for a while, but… I couldn't stand keeping it a secret any longer, especially from you."

 _You just said you didn't cheat… ?_

"I promised her months ago that I wouldn't tell anyone, but… it has to come out. I pressured her very hard to break the silence, but judging by what I've seen so far, she didn't tell you."

He closed his eyes.

"It wasn't fair of me to try and force that on her. She doesn't deserve telling you all by herself. It was… Christ, it was so complicated when it happened. It still is now."

Ymir's fingers were starting to go numb and it wasn't from the temperature and wind. She broke through the silence she had promised to keep; she was too impatient, too anxious. Too terrified.

"Please, Reiner… what?"

For the briefest moment, he looked like he wasn't going to say. Then he placed one of his large forearms on the tree, leaning into it like the weight of everything was on his back.

"Your baby… it isn't from an IUI."

She couldn't believe him. The words immediately registered, but she didn't believe them. Not for a second. He saw the disbelief on her face, and strain began to spread across his.

"The child… while it will be yours and yours alone… yours and Krista's… it has a father."

She wanted to laugh in his face. Tell him he was crazy, that Krista would never have done that. To thank him for wasting her time and leaving. But as she wanted to do all these things, she looked into his eyes. And then and there, she knew he wasn't lying. Feeling almost instantly sick, she wobbled on her feet. The hissing snarl that escaped her mouth was so guttural and pained, that she didn't even recognize as her own.

"You… you said that you didn't… "

"I was telling the truth. The baby isn't mine."

"Then… who… ?"

Ymir didn't know if she wanted him to answer. Very calmly, very collectedly, he began to spin a tale. A tale that she knew was rooted in truth. She didn't know at which point she fell over and started hugging her knees. She listened to him talk of Krista visiting the doctor while Ymir was out hunting. How the tests came back negative. He spoke of her girlfriend getting despicably high and wandering the streets in depression. How she met someone who took her to the safety of a motel and how, by her own admission, she had forced herself on him, terribly drunk that he was. She listened to him pull himself into the story, how he had witnessed them on the street, walking and looking destitute. How he made his way to their room and found them intimately engaged. How she had finally seemed to snap out of her drug-induced state of ecstasy and pass out. How she had awoken the next morning to tell him all of this. How her partner had awoken to having no memory of the previous night as a result of his heavy consumption of alcohol.

Ymir listened to this all; it seemed like she was being told a strange dream, one that happened far away in a time that never existed. At least, that's what she wanted to believe.

"Ymir… ?"

She realized that he hadn't spoken now for minutes. Still sitting, arms wrapped tightly around her knees, she realized what she thought had been terribly cold winds had been her tears growing cold on her cheeks. For a moment, she thought about standing, collecting herself. This was embarrassing for her, to have Reiner see her like this. She then realized she didn't care. Her voice came out sounding as thought it was spoken from somewhere else.

"Reiner… "

"Yes, Ymir… "

"You saw all of this. Were told all of this."

"Yes."

"You've missed a part of this story… who was he?"

He straightened and looked ahead, as though the worst hadn't come yet.

"This may be the hardest part to hear… please, don't… "

She was on her feet without knowing and in his face. Spit flew from her mouth as she stared into his eyes furiously.

"Don't tell me what to do. You tell me who the fucker is right now. Then, I walk out of here, find him and force feed him his own fuckin' dick."

"Ymir… "

"Who was it, Reiner? Someone I know? You keep talking about this like you and Krista are the only two people who know. Are you hiding him?"

"No, that's not… "

"He run for it? Don't blame him. He probably wouldn't have been real thrilled with me shoving a car up his ass."

"I need you to calm… "

This was not the wisest choice of words on his part.

"DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN! HOW FUCKING DARE YOU TELL ME TO CALM DOWN! I JUST FOUND OUT THE LOVE OF MY LIFE HAS BEEN LYING TO ME FOR MONTHS, THAT SHE SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO KNOCKED HER UP, THAT MY BABY. IS SOMEONE. ELSE'S!"

He was growing noticeably worried, though now he started to swell with anger.

"Don't make this all about you!"

She roared with baffled laughter.

"OH NO, LET'S MAKE IT ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE, SHALL WE!? GET REAL, REINER! WHO IS HE?! WHERE IS HE?!"

Reiner looked down, looked suddenly very defeated.

"You can't hurt him anyway."

"WHY IS THAT, BIG MAN?! HE JUST A LITTLE TOO POWERFUL FOR ME TO GET MY HANDS ON?! DON'T YOU FRET, I'LL TEAR DOWN FUCKING JERICHO TO FIND HIM AND RIP HIM TO PIECES! SO WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU MEAN WHEN YOU SAY THAT I CAN'T HURT HIM?!"

"BECAUSE HE'S DEAD!"

The three words threw her free of her own rage and she stepped back, still seething, while she tried to catch her breath.

"You kill him?"

"No."

"Then who did?"

"He… did."

"WHO did?!"

Their eyes met and she saw a tremendous wave of pain roll across his, and then she knew. At once, the world spun away, dizzyingly and terrifyingly. Ymir wished for a multitude of things; she wished Reiner would disappear and she would wake up in bed, she wished for Krista, to tell her it wasn't true, she wished…

 _Joe, you… how… how could you do this… how could you BOTH do this…_

The fight rushed in and out of her like air, one moment she wanted to kill anyone and everyone, the next she wanted to collapse and cry. In her peripheral, she watched Reiner step cautiously forward.

"Ymir… I'm so sorry… "

"I… trusted him… I trusted THEM… "

"Ymir, please try and think of everything that happened. She was feeling of failure and depression, she got herself high to put it aside. He was so drunk he couldn't raise his arms, let alone remember anything the next day. And Krista… in the midst of all of that insanity, she just wanted to make you happy."

The laugh she let out was not her own.

"The fuck does that mean."

"She wanted a child, for her, for you. And in the state the drugs had her, she saw a way to do so. And she tried to stop. But now, there's no going back. They both messed up, but now, she needs you more than ever. This has been torturing her for so long, she couldn't bear to think of what would have happened if you found out… but you needed to know. You deserved to know."

She had no response. All she could do was see the very dim bright side that he was trying to show her and snatch at it like a firefly.

"I… I did everything I could to protect her. To make her happy. Then she goes and… "

Roaring, she smashed her fist into the tree, over and over.

"THIS IS MY FAULT! I COULDN'T GIVE HER WHAT SHE WANTED! I COULDN'T! SHE NEEDED HIM! SHE CHOSE HIM!"

Blood and splinters of wood sprayed as her knuckles split at the punishment; without hesitation, Reiner wrapped his arms around her and pulled her away. Despite her rage, he was still as strong as a truck and held her from damaging herself further. Ymir cursed him, raged against him, demanded he stop lying, screamed for what must've been minutes until finally her voice gave out and she fell against him, shaking like a child.

"Reiner… why…? Just… why… ?"

"I can't answer that, Ymir. You know I can't."

"Why did you tell me this? Why couldn't you just leave this be?"

He seemed to fall into thought for a time.

"The darkest truth is better than the sweetest lie."

She laughed again, a wet and hollow sound.

"Says who?"

Reaching down, he took her chin and lifted her to meet his gaze. She had no strength to resist and was surprised by how gentle he was.

"I can't pretend to know how you feel right now. I won't try either. But talk to her. Don't shout, don't fight, don't let this situation hurt her anymore. You have no idea how much it already has."

"Why should I?"

"Why should you what?"

"Forgive her. She pulls something like this and I'm supposed to just… "

"I didn't say forgive her."

She looked at him, surprised yet again.

"What?"

"If there is one thing in this world that I can hope for it is that you two will make it through this, that forgiveness can exist. But I know that may be terribly difficult, perhaps even impossible. But please… just try. Don't try for her, not for the baby. For you."

The only movement she could do was shake her head.

"Why me?"

"Because I've seen Krista suffer enough. And I've seen you suffer enough. There is a lot of hate inside you, Ymir. I can sense it. But… don't let it become what you are. You're a better person than that."

Unbelievably, he smiled.

"And you deserve better than that."

She stared back at him in disbelief for almost a minute before breaking down into despair, letting him hold her as she cursed the universe. Not for hurting her like it had, not for what it had done, but for her own faults. The faults that, no matter how much she wanted it, couldn't allow her to let forgiveness into her heart. The faults that made her who she was.

Because, right then, the only feeling that she could hold onto, was hate.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The sun had long since dipped beneath the horizon, and the stars were slowly beginning to blink their way into visibility as the directions indicated they were only twenty or so minutes out. Mikasa glanced at the glowing lights of the dash, pleased that the estimate on time was so far leading them true. She was thankful for how accustomed she had become to being patient, as the only thing visible ahead was the fifteen foot stretch of road that the headlights lit dimly.

Next to her Annie was leaning back, head against the rest; she could have been deep in thought or trying to drift off to sleep, only she could ever know. The ride thus far had been quiet, but not awkwardly so. Neither of them had ever been particularly large fans of small talk and with little to talk about as was, the hum of the engine and the gentle roar of the tires against the road had been the only sources of noise for what had now been hours.

Finally, next to her, Annie very quietly cleared her throat.

"When did you start smiling again?"

The question itself and the fact that she had asked a question were both equally surprising.

"Excuse me?"

"Haven't seen you smile in months. And then… you just did earlier today."

"Maybe you just haven't been looking hard enough."

"I have."

The reply was cold, almost sad. Mikasa gave a slight glance over to see that Annie hadn't stopped staring forward.

"Something on your mind?"

"Plenty. Nothing that would interest you much, I imagine."

"Try me."

There was quiet for a time before Annie spoke again, much quieter.

"I lied. It probably would interest you, but I'd be damned if you'd want to talk about it."

Mikasa repeated herself, speaking more deliberately. She had an idea of what was coming and truly didn't want to talk about it, but being open with her best friend was more important.

"Try me."

The following silence lasted even longer.

"I miss him, Mika."

She allowed her grip to go from casual to deathly tight on the steering wheel, but didn't react at all besides that.

"I… I wouldn't have expected to. We knew him for a while, six or so months, and everyone seemed to grow close to him quickly. I did too, but I never… "

Audibly, the blonde swallowed.

"I never expected to miss him like this."

There was a coppery taste as Mikasa's teeth split her lower lip.

"I miss his quirkiness, his stupid sense of humor, his enthusiasm or lack thereof, and… "

She sounded like she very much didn't want to say what she was about to.

"… I miss what he did for you."

While she wanted to keep driving, Mikasa didn't trust herself to as heat rushed through her body. She pulled off to the side and braked swiftly. She could feel Annie's eyes on her as she did; as soon as the car had stopped, she pulled the keys and darkness and pure silence arrived. Attempting to keep herself from breathing heavily, she spoke as leveled as she could.

"Annie… what is this."

"What is… ?"

"Don't bullshit me. You're trying to say something."

She looked over at the black silhouette of her friend.

"And you don't miss him."

Indignation, became visible in Annie's body language.

"I do. Whether you believe that or not."

Mikasa shook her head.

"There are very few people that you would miss if they left this earth, and he was not one of them."

"That's… I can't believe you think I'm that fucking heartless."

"Whatever. Just… say what it is you want to say."

"I… I don't… "

"Annie. Please."

"I just thought I could talk about this with you. You who would understand."

"If you're not going to be truthful with me, then I think its best we keep driving."

The buzz of silence swept between them for what could have been minutes and Mikasa reached a point where she gave up waiting.

 _If she wants to burn quietly, I can't stop her._

She reached for the ignition delicately, when the loud snap of the undoing of a seatbelt sounded next to her. Mikasa was only able to very partially turn before Annie took her cheek in her hand and kissed her. The world started rushing around her and without realizing, she returned as strongly as she was able. As their lips working against each other, she felt cold and hot pouring against her gut.

 _This… I can't… oh, Annie…_

Mikasa grabbed her friend by the back of the head and held her tightly against her.

 _Why… why couldn't I just…_

" _This… I couldn't have cared less about, Mikasa. As long as you're happy, I don't care what happens to me."_

Joe's voice echoed in her head; the memory he had spoken through thundered through her and she gasped, shoving Annie off of her. Shaking, she turned away, breathing heavily. Her friend's hand gently touched her arm, which she shook off then, violently.

"Mika, please… I'm sorry, I didn't… "

Starting up the car, Mikasa shook her hair out of her face and locked her eyes forward.

"Don't… don't shut me out like this… "

She ignored Annie and after feeling her gaze for several minutes, the blonde turned back forward, thinking who knows what deep thoughts. Not another word was said for the remainder of the drive.


	11. Chapter 11

As Mina paced anxiously inside her living room, she tried to dwell on what perturbed her the least: the fact that Dust was fifteen minutes late in regards to the time he had put down himself, or because he apparently knew where her house was. On one hand that shouldn't have been too surprising; in a relatively small town like this one, everyone knows everyone was the sort of maxim lived by, but she had never seen him before and she couldn't deny that he frightened her ever so slightly.

And he was late.

"He was probably screwing around, he doesn't give a shit about me or my problems, him and that asshole behind the bar probably set this up like some kind of sick joke, I don't know why in the hell I thought it was a good idea to… "

Her furious ramblings were silenced as the hum of an engine crept into hearing distance. Stopping only a moment to ensure that she wasn't just hearing things, she dashed outside to see a single figure pulling up on a respectable, but ancient looking motorcycle. Climbing off, she saw his face immediately as he didn't seem to be wearing a helmet and she recognized his young, handsome, yet distantly hateful face from the light on her porch. Trying not to appear hasty or anxious, she stepped down the front steps which creaked underfoot, to greet him.

"Hey… Dust."

Unsure if she should call him anything else, she watched his face carefully for a reaction. To her relief, he gave her a small smile and inclined his head.

"Nice to see you again, Ms. Carolina."

She furrowed her brows and smiled back, not sure if she should be charmed or worried.

"Mina is fine."

He nodded.

"As you wish."

Mina followed in his footsteps as he walked up to the house and stopped just before the porch.

"I hope you'll forgive me, my memory is as good as it's ever been, but I'll likely ask several questions that you've already clarified in order to be sure of what I'm knowing."

She nodded along before realizing his back was to her.

"Alright."

"Alright. So you say you weren't home at the time your father passed."

Swallowing, she pushed away the ever-present hurt to be as helpful as she could.

"Yes. As soon as I got home, I heard absolutely nothing, even after calling him. I found him upstairs on the floor. He had fallen off his desk chair and was dead."

"The coroner… ?"

"Put his death at about seven or eight at night."

"Two or three hours before you got home."

"Yes."

He walked up the porch, stopping on the squeaking steps, playing with the pressure under his foot before walking to the door. Hand on the handle, he cast looks to his left and right, towards the flat never-ending horizons beyond her house.

"Any neighbors?"

"None close. Nearest is a mile and a quarter down the road."

"No one had phoned the police?"

"Gunshots are common around these parts, if a little worrying. Cattle to put down, wolves to shoot, party's to be had."

He nodded very slowly before looking back to her.

"May I?"

Surprised by his manners, she gestured with a hand to let himself in. Stepping across the threshold, he looked around briefly.

"Beautiful home."

Taken back again by his politeness, she smiled and allowed herself a moment to give the building its bragging rights.

"Been in the family for four generations. My great-great grandad put it here a long while ago, and it's taken its turn getting fixed up plenty, but we keep it as nice as we can."

He reached out and brushed the smooth wooden walls, murmuring softly.

"I feel it."

She watched him walk slowly around the living room, stopping only to give her a nonverbal look asking permission to touch something, which she granted. She hadn't any idea where he was going with any of what he was doing, but for now, she was going to be patient and bide her time. Eventually, they moved upstairs to where she knew he was headed; Mina waited in the doorway. In a sense, it was rather selfish, but she didn't want to even step foot in that room ever again. As he turned to look at her with mild confusion, he seemed to pick up very quickly on why she didn't enter with him, for which she was grateful when he didn't speak a word about it, instead asking a different question.

"To your knowledge, did your father have any enemies?"

It was a curious question and something that she realized she had never even bothered considering.

"No, I… no, not that I knew of."

"Anything he involved himself in that could have been detrimental to his standing with others? Strict boss? Gambling? Private alcohol production?"

As each of the reasonings seemed more impossible than the last, he looked over with a look of icy suspicion.

"Drugs?"

She had to prevent herself from swelling angrily.

"My father would never involve himself with such… blatant, stupid… "

"Mina, you have to be honest with me."

This sentence flushed fresh anger into her system, but as she opened her mouth to shout, she saw the look in his eyes. It wasn't condescending, a look that believed she was lying. It was just a look that went with what he just said. If he was going to help her, he needed to be able to trust her. Mina swallowed down her anger, and nodded.

"I will be, and I am. To my knowledge, all he ever did for money was work the farm and work on cars."

Dust seemed refreshed at her reply and actually smiled, turning to her father's desk.

"No computer?"

She shook her head.

"No need. He kept everything work related in those files. I was saving up to get a cheap one, but… "

His mind seemed to be already elsewhere as he paced around the room, looking at every nook and cranny. She wished she could get inside his head, into a mind that had put such a reserved, yet intense look into his eyes.

…

…

…

…

The room seemed terrifically off to him. It was a simple office, little to it beyond the desk, drawers and single closet. But as he carefully examined each of these commodities, the more confused he became.

 _Some amount of people break into his house and have reason to kill him, yet take nothing. Mina, you seem to recall your father as particularly saintly, but he was hiding something from you, and now, he's hiding it from me…_

He vaguely heard her say something about needing to use the bathroom which he waved off without so much as a glance. Rather focused on other details, his mind was racing, but frustration began to set it when minutes of searching yielded him nothing more than what he had already seen. If only he had some inkling as to…

" _Well?"_

" _Nothing, it's not in there."_

" _Yes it is. Keep looking. You can't leave until you find it."_

 _He loosed a tremendous sigh of exasperation._

" _Annie, you can't hide a fucking water bottle in this… "_

 _He kicked a wall angrily._

"… _massive fucking room and then not allow me to leave because I can't find the damn thing."_

" _The only thing wrong with that sentence is that you used the word 'can't' instead of 'can'."_

" _Annie… "_

" _I don't care if you rented out the best place in town to take Mikasa to for dinner, you're not leaving until you find it."_

 _Cursing, he spun and marched back into the room, considering flipping a desk in his rage…_

Trying to grasp desperately at the memory before he remembered with perfect clarity what the point of the lesson had been. He started at the bookshelf and worked his hands along it, then along the two windows, then the closet, then the desk and…

" _There, see? Was that so hard?"_

" _More than it needed to be."_

" _Well, remember, that's the way a lot of what we do is."_

" _So you made me find a water bottle?"_

 _In a move that was most unlike her, Annie had reached up and pinched his cheek._

" _You'll get is someday."_

… his fingers met what could only have been a button of some kind. With a press, there was a harsh click and the bottom of the desk slid down and opened to a compartment the size of a football. A stupidly triumphant grin slid onto his face as he reached inside and dug around, finding only what felt to be plastic bag. Gently, he withdrew it from its hiding place and allowed his smile to disappear as he saw what it was.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Annie took her turn in the bathroom while cursing herself more than she had ever cursed anyone in her life.

 _How could I be so fucking stupid…_

It was bad enough her friend was clearly still dealing with the ramifications of what had happened, it was a whole different thing when Annie had brought him up, then made a move as if it was just that easy. And even for several seconds, it had seemed like it had been working. Then, the rejection and punishing silence she knew she deserved.

When they had reached the hotel and Mikasa had silently exited the car and go to check them in, Annie had taken several seconds to herself to nearly break her hand punching the dash before following her in. They had quietly walked to their room to find a bathroom and two beds; Mikasa took the one furthest from the door and immediately had made her way to the shower before Annie could manage a word. Not that she would have wanted to.

She stood now in the shower, letting the hot water soak her skin as she pressed her forehead to the wall, eyes closed. She had finished washing minutes ago, but presently couldn't find the dignity to step out and face what she had done.

 _Who the fuck do you think you are… as if she hasn't had enough to deal with, you go and…_

Gritting her teeth, she resisted punching the wall.

 _It felt so good…_

That may have been the worst part about it. Despite years of silently admiring her friend and staving off her infatuation, she had often thought of what it would feel like if only to kiss her. Annie knew it would have been more than amazing, but that… it had done more than feel good. It had felt right. Meaningful. Passionate. She had done everything she was able to make that moment something special, and in a way, it had been. But now…

 _Now I'm somewhere where I may never be able to recover._

Finally, she jammed the handle down and the water shut off, and she let the water drip down her body for another minute before finally exiting the shower and preparing herself for bed. She very briefly let thoughts of Hange's assignment drift into her head, but it seemed odd how suddenly meaningless their mission had become.

As she left the bathroom, she saw Mikasa already in bed, back facing her. She hadn't expected any more than that, but it still hurt her; only bothering to pull on a pair of underwear, she knocked out the light in the bathroom and climbed into her own bed, sighing in rhythm with the fan inside the air conditioner. The world around her was completely black, no light from the stars or the moon seeped through the window due to what was undoubtedly heavy cloud coverage and she wondered if it was finally going to start snowing. Regardless, of the cold thoughts, the room was warm enough that she felt no need for the blankets and she kicked them back, allowing only the pillow to do its work.

 _Stupid…_

Annie stared at the ceiling she couldn't see for some time, trying to force unwanted images out of her head before finally closing her eyes and attempting to drift off. Even with eyes closed, the memories were still strong. Suppressing an angry growl, she chose instead to think thoughts of desire; they allowed her to feel less guilt, even if they hurt just as much. She thought what Mikasa's skin would feel like, what her lips had tasted like, how it would feel it…

 _?_

It struck her then that she actually could feel something and only then did her brain remind her that within the last five or so seconds, she had heard sounds of movement from across the room. As she opened her eyes, she still could see next to nothing, but there was something rubbing against her thigh; as she reached in a tired haze towards it, she felt a pair of breasts, slightly larger than her own, press against hers, moments before the same lips she had been dreaming of slid against her. Suddenly, she knew fully and completely what was happening and she rose up into her, feeling her head throb as both of their near naked bodies increased in contact. Mikasa's tongue rolled down her neck across her chest and she had no problem giving a humiliatingly submissive moan. There was nowhere she would rather be right now and she decided, as fingers slid at her waist pulling off her panties, that even if this was a dream, she was going to enjoy every second of it.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

As it normally was as the months had dragged on, Krista woke as the hours of night had already begun. By then, she was typically hungry, so she dragged herself to the kitchen as she wondered, with slight twinges of concern, where Ymir was. It wasn't unlike her to take off to the bars with Sasha and Ilse, but she normally would at least leave a note or a text. Krista knew there was likely no reason to be worried, but as was normal, she was anyways. They both worried madly when the other wasn't around, and while Sasha had ensured them that it was adorable and a result of serious love, it was still disconcerting.

From outside, she heard a car door slam and she let relief wash through her as she finished her sandwich. Licking her fingers, she felt a spring in her step as she walked towards the front door.

 _Thank God…_

She shook her head at her concern, laughing briefly at how foolish it was to always assume that something was wrong just because Ymir was out. Reaching towards the handle, she tossed her hair, smiling, completely unaware of the towering wave of rage just on the other side of the door.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

 **AN: I'll quickly address the lateness of this chapter; what with making the arduous two day trip home and rereading chapters 11-13 which I had already had written out, I realized the story was turning down an extremely dark path that I was uncomfortable heading towards at this time. And so the rewrites began, but now I should be back on a more regular schedule. Apologies for the delay and hope you enjoy nevertheless.**


	12. Chapter 12

Her nap having given her a proper dose of fresh energy, Krista threw open the door, a smile on her face. There wasn't much that got her to smile like Ymir coming home did, and she couldn't help but draw the comparison between herself and an exceptionally excited dog, anxiously awaiting the return of their loved one. When the door finished its arcing swing open, however, Krista was not greeted by what she expected. Or had hoped.

Ymir was there, but was looking at her with a peculiarly uncomfortable smile and with a warningly strong heat burning in her eyes. Her smile faltering, Krista could found she could manage very little in the way of words as she stepped back.

"Ymir."

It was only when her girlfriend stepped jerkily across the doorstep that Krista saw her hands were shaking.

"Hey, babe."

She very slowly pulled off her jacket and hung it up, staring at the closet as though it was a gate to another world. It wasn't until a cold breeze from outside drove the hair on her neck up that Krista remembered the door was still open. Closing it gently, she nervously turned back to Ymir, who still had yet to move.

"Hey… are you okay… ?"

Snapping her head to the right so fast that it made Krista jump, Ymir stared at her with wide eyes.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

Krista knew she was looking back with equally wide eyes.

"You just look… uncomfortable."

There was a long pause before a hysterical laugh reverberated against the walls as Ymir threw her head back and cackled towards the ceiling; feeling a true surge of fear, Krista backed against the wall, wrapping her hands instinctively around her stomach. As she stopped laughing, Ymir turned her gaze in her direction, face covered mostly in darkness.

"What? You didn't think that was funny?"

Krista, now being in a very general state of duress and worry, could do no more than shake her head with her mouth open. For the first time in her life, as Ymir slowly crept towards her, she wished she wouldn't.

"People need to learn to laugh more at shit. Even if it is stupid shit. People could be a lot happier."

Her hand came out and rested against the wall next to Krista's head and she leaned in close.

"Take me for instance. If I had just laughed instead of losing my goddamn mind when I went and talked to Reiner, maybe I'd be slightly less broken inside, wouldn't you say?"

Managing only a slight whimper, Krista shook where she stood.

"Ymir… ?"

The brunette spun away and began pacing frenetically around the living room.

"I mean, so what that the person I've tried so damn hard to do everything for goes and fucks someone who I thought I could trust. And gets knocked up. What's the big deal?"

Almost faster than the eye could see, her fist lashed out and shattered a lamp, sending it to pieces before it even hit the ground; Krista gave a short scream before putting a hand over her mouth as Ymir continued talking, in an almost frighteningly casual voice.

"I get it, right? You needed a fucking dick to give us a kid, other methods weren't working. So you grabbed his drunk ass and rode him till he filled you up. And then, BAM, look at that. I'm pregnant, look at me. Weird right?"

She swung a kick that left a dent in the wall.

"Like, I don't even have any reason to be mad. Not even, except, oh yeah… "

As she turned back, Krista gave a pained sob as she saw tears streaming down Ymir's raging mask.

"… YOU WENT AND HAD SEX WITH JOE, GOT KNOCKED UP WITH HIM, AND… "

Suddenly, she appeared tremendously weak and she slumped against the coffee table, looking drained.

"… and… and you didn't tell me. Krista… why?"

Krista couldn't do anything more than stand there and shake her head, feeling completely helpless. She knew there was nothing she could say that would make any kind of difference; her mind was racing with anger against Reiner, pity for Ymir, and enough self-loathing to actually feel genuinely painful. When no response came, Ymir's fury returned with a fresh heat and she launched herself forward, bringing herself face to face with Krista in under a second.

"WHY?!"

A fist that effectively doubled as a wrecking ball, slammed the wall an inch from Krista's head and she moaned as fresh tears spilled down her face, unable to look Ymir back in the eyes.

"AT LEAST FUCKING SAY SOMETHING! DON'T YOU DARE PLAY THE SILENT CARD!"

Fueled by fear more than anything, Krista looked up and shouted back with all the force her terrified body could muster.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?! THAT I'M SORRY?! WOULD THAT CHANGE A FUCKING THING?!"

Their eyes wild and emotionally stressed, they glared daggers at each other for what could have been a minute before Ymir took a step back, straightening. The look on her face seemed almost confused, as though she had forgotten what they were talking about.

"I mean, it would be nice to know that you were."

Breathing heavily and trying hard not to feel sick, Krista took a deep, painful breath.

"I am sorry, Ymir. I've lived with this secret for so long and it doesn't get any easier."

Through her fear and pain, she felt a rush of anger towards Reiner.

 _You promised._

"I tried so hard to find a way to tell you. To explain what had happened."

She saw the fury and grief in Ymir's eyes and she started to cry, her gut throbbing in sorrow.

"But how could I?! What could I say to make you understand?! There are no words in any fucking language to help you make any sense of what I did!"

"What the both of you did."

The low growl was almost just as frightening as the shouting; Krista knew there was little to nothing she could do to defend herself, but she could at least try and defend him.

"It came down to me. I used him, in the midst of all that sadness and those drugs… those damn drugs, Ymir! Haven't they been the root of all our fucking problems?!"

Ymir took a menacing step forward.

"Are you actually… actually trying to turn this about something that it isn't?"

"I… please, just try and think about… "

"Try and think? TRY AND THINK?!"

Within the blink of an eye, she was in inch away, and Krista closed her eyes, begging that what she feared could happen wouldn't.

"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TO TELL SOMEONE ELSE TO THINK?! DID YOU THINK?! DID YOU EVEN TRY?!"

Tears rolling down her face, Krista reached out with a shaking hand, trying desperately to wake up from this nightmare; that had to have been what it was. This simply couldn't be happening.

"Ymir, please, you're scaring me!"

Another terrifying and inhuman roar of laughter.

"OH, SHIT, I'M SORRY! YOU'RE SCARED?!"

As Krista attempted to raise a hand and cover her face, a stronger hand, fueled by emotions she couldn't even fathom snapped out and seized her wrist with enough force to cause her to cry out in pain.

"I'M SORRY THAT AFTER EVERYTHING YOU'VE PUT ME THROUGH, THAT YOU'RE SCARED OF ALL FUCKING THINGS!"

With a twist, Krista cried out again, dropping to one knee, as Ymir shouted from above her.

"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!"

Another fist pummeled the wall above her, seeming the shake the very room.

"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO US?!"

Feeling everything falling away, Krista felt nothing left to do beyond the one thing that she was able of managing. She dropped completely to her knees and slumped against Ymir's legs, the tears from her cheeks soaking through her girlfriend's pants.

"Ymir, just please, whatever you do, don't hurt the baby! Do whatever to me, just… just don't hurt it!"

She shouting from above her then completely died away and the silence that followed was almost deafening. Krista dared not move, simply remained where she was hoping against hope that this could somehow have an ending that she could accept. Then, two hands reached down and took her by the shoulders, standing her up. They didn't yank roughly, but they were also far from gentle; as she looked up at Ymir, she was greeted by an incredibly calm face. A face that was far too calm considering what had just happened.

"Krista?"

The voice was hollow. Krista couldn't speak, only nod pathetically.

"Go to the bedroom. Lock the door."

"What… ? I… "

"Now."

Krista suddenly realized she wanted nothing more than to comply with what had been asked of her. Turning her gaze to the ground, she walked as quickly as her wobbling feet would let her; she swung the door shut behind her as fast as she was able, clicking both locks into place and then backing as far away from the door as she was able. She hadn't any idea what was happening or why this had been asked of her, but she knew better than to have asked any further. She remained standing against the wall for minutes, listening to silence creep through the room before she finally began to get slightly antsy. Barely trusting what she was doing, she began taking very slow steps towards the door; after a solid minute, she reached it and she made to press her ear against the wall to try and make sense of anything happening beyond her sight.

Her ear was inches away when something crashed against the wall with enough force and noise to make her stumble back and fall to the ground, screaming. The world around her seemed to have begun exploding, as she listened, there was a tremendous bang as something toppled over and then another crash as something else hit the wall with exceptional force. It was only when the smashing and thudding of inanimate objects became overlaid with terrible screams of pure ire from Ymir that Krista clapped her hands over her ears and screamed herself, sobbing desperately. She was completely helpless and terrified, but deep down, she knew she deserved everything that was happening.

For the first time in her life, she tried praying.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Likely as to the cause of another terrible dream she could only remember bits and pieces of, Mikasa woke to a violent spasm of her leg and her heart pounding against her chest. She remained where she was for minutes, allowing herself to take in that she was fine, a nightmare was a nightmare; unfortunately, she could remember snippets of this one. She had seen him, running through the blackness, calling for her. At every point, she had been just behind him, but unable to catch up or utter a word. By the end of it, she had seen that he was in a great deal of pain, blood streaming down his front and tears rolling down his face. Just when she finally was within reach, he howled for her one last time before collapsing; only then had she been able to scream and before she had been able to reach his body, relief had shaken her body free of sleep.

Sighing and fidgeting slightly under the sheets, she realized only then that her head was resting against Annie's shoulder, her head nestled under the blonde's chin. She lay there a moment, wondering if she was the only one awake when a voice sounded gently,

"You awake?"

Having allowed the question to resolve itself, she felt no reason to lie and stay silent.

"Yeah."

Fingers dragged themselves delicately up her side and she couldn't keep from shivering.

"You were shaking and moaning… you okay?"

She swallowed and nodded.

"Just a nightmare. Did I wake you?"

"No, I've been awake for a bit."

More than anything, Mikasa wanted to turn her head and kiss Annie, for as long as she could, she wanted desperately to believe that anything that had happened last night made any sort of difference. But she knew it didn't. She knew she was using her friend and that wasn't something that she could live with.

"Annie… before anything else… before we even get out of this bed, we need to talk."

"Funny."

Confused, she sat up and turned to her; Annie was smiling in a distant way.

"What's funny?"

"I was about to say something similar."

Feeling a surge of hope that, perhaps, this situation was something that could be remedied, Mikasa turned forward and closed her eyes as Annie reached over and began tracing the scars on her back with extreme delicacy.

"What happened last night… no matter how good it felt… "

"You were just fucking to try and forget."

She blinked, completely surprised that Annie had went exactly where she had been taking the conversation. Before she could do anything to confirm what she had said, her friend continued, fingers still sliding over the jagged bumps on her skin.

"I know that nothing I can do can change how you've felt. How you still feel. Last night in the car… I was greedy. I tried taking for myself because I was thinking about myself. I thought… maybe you'd… have moved on."

Suddenly and unbidden, tears leapt into Mikasa's eyes.

"I've… oh Christ, Annie, I've tried so hard. I've done everything I can fucking think of to leave him in the past, but no matter how much I want to or how much I try… "

As the blonde's hands wrapped around her waist, cheek resting against her shoulder, she grit her teeth as the tears spilled out and down her cheeks.

"Goddamn him… I loved him so much. I never thought I could know someone for only as long as I did and still… I can't just forget him. The same way I can't forgive him."

Annie's voice was the whisper of a breeze in her ear, spoken more softly than she had ever heard.

"He did that for us. For you."

Seizing fistfuls of sheet, Mikasa turned her head down.

"That's all he ever fucking did! Think about other people! He could die for everyone else, but he couldn't live for himself!"

Taking her hands, Annie laced her fingers through hers and held them tightly as she kept talking.

"Sasha taught me what forgiveness could do. Even if there isn't anything to forgive. But she also showed me that bottling grief gets me nowhere. Well, here I am now, grieving in the open and… "

She started shaking and she was barely able to keep herself from sobbing; Annie pulled her tightly to her.

"… and what the fuck do I do now?! I miss him so much, I still love him so much, but I can't just… let him go… "

For at least a minute, she wept silently as Annie held her; finally, when she received the reply, it wasn't the one she expected.

"Then don't."

Confused, she looked back into the cold eyes of her friend that, deep behind their chill, held a touch of warmth.

"You told me a while ago… months ago, when we lost him… that there was no point in fighting it."

Hurt pounding in her gut, Mikasa felt a small touch of clarity as Annie pulled her into a tight hug.

"Then why are you?"

She closed her eyes and let tears fall down her friend's back.

"Because… I can't let him go and live without him. If I do, then… "

Letting out a sob, she buried her face in her friend's shoulder.

"I'm scared. I want him back more than anything I've ever wanted, but I know that can never happen. And… I'm too scared to try and consider a future that doesn't have him in it."

Pulling away, Annie forced her to make eye contact; the look now was sad, but fierce.

"You don't have to let him go, Mika. You don't. But please… stop. Fighting. That isn't a battle you can win, but that battle will tear you apart."

She took her hand and squeezed it.

"We're here for you. Me, Sash, Ilse, Ymir, Krista, Hange. Everyone from back home as well, Eren, Armin and the rest. You're not alone. You've never been alone.

 _"You're strong. Stronger than any of us, and stronger than anyone I think I've ever met. But… don't let things overwhelm you, you're not alone."_

 _"I know I'm not alone. I have my friends… and I have you."_

The memory hit her harder than any words that had just been spoken. Giving a great heaving wail, she wrapped her arms around Annie and let her friend hold her. Neither of them moved for the better part of an hour.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The night air was balmy as he stepped off of his motorcycle into the warm, almost humid time of dusk. He had been hoping this wouldn't be too cold of a night, but it was so far exceeding his expectations as the definition of truly his weather. Knowing he was one of the few who liked relaxing in forty-five degree weather, he was still not surprised as no one was occupying the outdoor seats of the bar's abode. Over the summer, they were almost always full, but as the winter loomed ever closer, the chairs and tables sat empty.

He leaned against his bike as he decided what action he should take; he had realized only yesterday that he had no way of getting in contact with Florian, the only means of a commitment they had to each other was the promise they had made to meet. And so, he had arrived on time, dressed as dress casual as he was able (or willing) and had to pray that Mina was not going to go off and get herself into anything stupid.

 _Poor girl…_

She had been greatly distressed to find the stash of cocaine her father had hidden under his desk and had gone from simply ranting and shouting, to as far as accusing him of planting it there. After steering her through a swift bout of tears and hysterics, he had told her that just because drugs were in her father's possession, that didn't mean anything could be taken for granted. After he had provided several far-fetched, but believable excuses for her father, she had seemed much more at peace and had allowed him to take her to her room and say that in two days' time, he would return, and their search for answers would continue.

 _Though I do almost feel bad considering that I told her that I had important doings tonight… but here I am, going on a date, while she desperately tries to piece together who killed her father and what the reason or reasons behind…_

"Punctual. I like that."

He turned slightly, his head moving a half circle to pinpoint the source of the voice and any feelings of guilt he had vanished like a wisp of breath in the night air. Florian had exited through one of the back doors presumably and had walked around the back end of the bar; again, she stunned him with how beautiful she was. Roaming towards him with an almost cocky smile on her face, he allowed his eyes to quickly trace her body, from her knee high boots, to her shorts that would have made a hooker blush, to the soft blue v-neck, he found that he had to briefly turn away and fake a cough.

"Yeah, well, first impressions are important."

"But we've already met."

"Second impressions, then."

She smiled as she stopped a few paces from him.

"Light on your words."

Turning away, she glanced at the black sky and gave a shiver.

"So. What're we doing?"

"I thought I'm supposed to ask that."

Flashing him a smirk, she stepped up and leaned against his bike, blowing her breath towards the stars they couldn't see.

"No, you, as the strong, confident, young man are supposed to show me, the innocent, shy young woman, a good time by knowing where to go, and what to do."

"I thought the meta of this country was to break gender stereotypes."

"Are you the meta?"

"Are you innocent and shy?"

She gave him a wink.

"Only if you're strong and confident."

He shrugged and kicked the ground, turning slightly.

"Alright, fair play. Well, how about we hop on my bike and head towards… "

"Nah."

Blinking, he looked to her; she was wearing a massive shit-eating smile.

"Whaddaya mean 'nah'?"

"I mean, pick something else."

"I hadn't even finished saying what we were going to… "

"Pick something else."

Sighing and confusing in exasperation, he shrugged.

"Okay… how about instead we go and… "

"Nah."

Straightening in annoyance, he glared at her; she no longer was trying to hold back her laughter and he needed to raise his voice in order to be heard.

"You know, for someone who told me to pick something, you're not making this incredibly easy."

Getting ahold of herself, she raised a hand in surrender.

"Okay, okay, sorry, you just… look really cute when you're frustrated."

He sputtered for words, and she laughed again.

"See, just like that."

Crossing his arms, he turned away, trying to think of something huffy to reply with, but all retorts were silenced as she reached out and gently grabbed his wrist.

"I was just fucking with you, Joe. Are you actually mad at me?"

He turned back and as he saw the look of mild worry in her eye that she might have actually offended him, he rolled his eyes.

"Course not."

"Alright then."

She pulled him over.

"Take me for a ride."

Smiling and happy to comply, he threw his leg over the side of the bike and revved the engine with enough force to make her jump and wrap her arms around his waist. Speeding out of the lot, he felt an air of mischievous thinking cross his mind; keeping to the main roads, he drove with reserve that was quite unlike him, though Florian could never have known that. He took her on the best scenic drive around the outskirts of town that he could, before making his way up the steep hillside that overlooked the west. He eased the bike to a halt as they reached the top and he wasn't disappointed.

Despite the clouds that hovered above the town like a blanket, the sunset had yet to completely fade on the horizon and was not obscured. Fading splashes of pink and orange scattered over the vast wasteland of dust and dirt that lay before them, flat and dry. It was still shockingly beautiful and he tried to imagine if he had ever caught it in a better state; he was pleased to see that his efforts weren't for naught as Florian rested her chin on his shoulder, breathing out a noise of disbelief.

"That is… so gorgeous. I never… I never knew this could be seen from here. Like this."

A playful tone entered her voice as he could hear the smile in her voice.

"You're a bit of a romantic, aren't you?"

"Bit of a one-trick pony, I'm afraid."

He had to keep from shuddering as her cheek brushed against his neck.

"I'm sure we can coax some more out of you."

Smiling himself, he knew it was now or never. And at the end of it, she would either hate every inch of him or… well, a lot could come of it. Hoping this was not something he was going to regret, he turned his head to face her.

"Alright, do me a favor and… "

But as he saw her face, he was rendered speechless. Her cheeks rosy from the cool air, a truly content smile of her face and dazzling blue eyes that seemed to bore him to pieces held him in place for a good several seconds. After that time, she gave him a short pat on the cheek.

"You still in there?"

Blinking, he nodded and turned back forward.

 _God, I'm fucking weak._

"Yeah, yeah, just… here. Put these on."

He handed her a pair of small goggles that she took and blinked at a moment as he adjusted his own pair.

"Put them on?"

Sliding his into place, he shrugged.

"Pretty sure that's what I said, yeah."

"Why… why would I need… "

He revved the engine again to loose a short squeal of surprise from her as well as a hit on the back for him.

"You got five seconds to put em' on and then hold on."

Scrambling, she did so while sputtering words. He counted a personal victory that he had finally gotten her speechless as opposed to the other way around.

"Okay, but… wait, what're we… are you going to… "

One final rev and she wrapped her arms so tightly around his waist that he almost gagged. Chuckling, he accelerated as fast as he was able, the roar of the engine mingling with a scream from Florian as they jumped from zero to over a hundred, soaring down the hill along the miles of straightaway ahead of them. They sped along the road and, while adrenaline and exhilaration filled his veins and lungs, he waited to hear her yell at him to stop, to start hitting him. But nothing of the sort happened. He continued to shoot down the road until his ears finally were able to make out a sound above the engine and the wind; she was laughing, a sound so melodic to his ears, that he couldn't imagine how he had lived before without hearing it. And the pair of them sped away towards the retreating sundown, her shouted laughter almost victoriously echoing against the distant mountains and him smiling with just as much joy.

He had forgotten what joy had felt like.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

 **AN: This'll probably be the last chapter before the 25** **th** **rolls around, so, from the bottom of my heart, hope you all have a peaceful and happy holidays. Whether or not you celebrate the season, I hope you find joy in it regardless… and I'll see you all next chapter. Stay safe…**


	13. Chapter 13

" _ **The best way to find out if you can trust somebody**_

 _ **is to trust them."**_

― _**Ernest Hemingway**_

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Shitfucking sunuva… "

Swinging a wild fist to her left, Sasha missed a laughing Ilse who had tapped the brakes sharply, causing her to snap her head forward and almost break her nose on the dash. Her phone also went tumbling from her grasp where she had been using it as a mirror, and she began feeling around for it beneath her seat. She glared at Ilse who stopped laughing long enough to reply.

"C'mon Sash, you spend a fucking hour in front of the mirror back home, you've got no damn reason to be doing it here."

"If you'll excuse me… "

She found her phone and yanked it up, stuffing it away.

"… I simply like to achieve as close to perfection as I can manage."

"Yeah okay. We're only essentially dressing up to cover for the fact that we're meeting for a business op that has very expensive and illegal implications."

Shrugging, Sasha looked over, judgement written all over her face.

"Whatever. Like you don't love this shit too."

"Didn't say I didn't, just… "

Ilse waved dismissively.

"Just make sure you've got your ID and your gun and we should be good to go."

Grabbing the bottom of her dress, Sasha hiked it up to show off the holster she had around her thigh.

"Of course I'm packing, how stupid you think I am?"

"Didn't' say you were, I was… "

She looked over a second time and Sasha suddenly realized what she was looking at; pulling her dress back down hastily as Ilse gave a tremendous shout of laughter and surprise.

"Is that… is that a fucking garter belt?"

"Mind your own business."

"Sash, that's… that's kinda slutty."

Blushing, she looked out the window at the darkness that zoomed by.

"In your opinion."

She could feel Ilse's laughing gaze on the back of her neck for seconds before her friend seemed able to reply.

"Damn well… let me know about it next time."

"Why?"

"So I have something to fantasize about during the drive."

She cackled as Sasha slapped at her.

"Kidding, kidding… sort of. What are you acting so nervous for? We're out in redneck land, farmer town. These are your people."

"I just… want to get this over with."

Her response sounded more drained and down than she had meant for it and she could sense that Ilse heard it. She looked over and Sasha could feel the concern from her friend.

"Okay, sorry… we're almost there."

Distantly, Sasha nodded. The next few minutes passed with an unusual amount of silence, before a surprisingly populated parking lot appeared alongside the road on the right. They pulled in, taking a parking spot in the back where Ilse killed the engine and looked over again, concern obvious.

"You gonna be okay?"

Pushing aside the hell that had been plaguing her since they left, Sasha allowed her personality and flair to return. Shaking her ponytail animatedly, she pulled on a tremendous smile.

"Hell yeah."

She hopped out into the cold air, dress swirling around her in the gentle breeze.

"Let's kick some fucking ass."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

From the considerably small cooler strapped to the side of his bike, he popped off the lid and pulled free a pair of cold beers that had been waiting patiently for what had now been hours. On the brisk night that it was, some level of hard alcohol may have been preferable, but considering where they were, it would have to do. Quickly closing the cooler, he gave his bike an affectionate pat and walked back towards the only source of light for what was likely miles; he gave a broad smile as he neared the fire that he had miraculously conjured up after they had stopped dead in the middle of nowhere. Florian smiled back, having quickly shed the jacket he had offered her, opting for the heat of the now raging fire.

"You know Joe, if you had told me yesterday that a date with you would entitle a place by a fire in the middle of nowhere in the dead of night, I would have been very skeptical."

He frowned nervously as he handed her a can.

"Is… that good or bad?"

She took it and cast her gaze around, to the blackness that surrounded them, to the dark sky, to the fire that raged ahead of her, and then, back to him. Her eyes glowed almost ravenously.

"It's fucking beautiful."

Heaving both a laugh and a sigh of relief, he dropped down next to her on the blanket that he had lay down previously; glancing at the foot or so of space between them and then reached out and yanked him into her. He gave a brief yelp of surprise as he slumped against her and, as he tried to straighten up, she pulled him to her forcing his head to rest against her chest.

"Don't try and gimme that conservative bullshit, you've been plenty charming all night, don't you blow it now."

Wanting to say something to defend himself, he then shivered into silence as she stroked the side of his head.

"Besides… that's probably pretty comfortable, isn't it?"

His neck nestled almost perfectly between her breasts, he gave a gentle shrug and smiled up at her.

"Be hard pressed to think of somewhere I'd rather be."

"Nice pun."

"Thanks. I did mean it though."

She smiled back and he felt his heart thunder wildly as she kissed his forehead.

"You're sweet."

In almost perfect unison, they cracked their beers; he smiled as the foam hissed out and down the sides of the can, relishing in the smell of cheap booze. He sipped lightly at it, feeling the cold beverage rush through his insides and making him appreciate the other person he was sharing this fire with all the more. For minutes, they sat in relative silence, drinking, existing, and contemplating before she finally broke the silence.

"Talk to me, Joe."

He allowed his eyes to unfocus gently as his gaze became a blurry dance of orange and yellow as his sight remained transfixed on the fire.

"Talk to you about what?"

She gave a deep, almost regretful sounding sigh.

"About you. Tell me what you've done in your life, where you've been, who you have met. Tell me the secrets that you would only scream at the moon. Tell me what goes on in that head that decided that the best place to take me was here, somewhere that most people would think would be odd or creepy, but that you somehow knew I would find perfect."

Blinking in surprise at her sudden demanding, he took a deep breath of his own and began recounting his personal history. He kept it as interesting as he could, discussing the places they had traveled while his father was in the military, oddities that had happened to him in school, trips overseas he had taken for academic purposes that almost always went somewhere else. He told her about his love and intrigue for space, the deep vastness that was so close yet so far. He talked about his near death experience in high school that involved winter, a front wheel drive pickup, and a moose. He told her his embarrassing tales of hormones gone wild that had resulted in many an awkward and humorous approach towards high school girls, to which she laughed long and loud. He talked about losing a longtime friend to cancer to which she grew quiet and took his hand, squeezing tightly. He talked for what could've been hours before he finally reached the part of his story that took him somewhere he didn't know if he deemed wise to talk to her about.

"… so I came back from the holidays and well… "

She finished her fourth beer, crushing it and causing him to jump lightly.

"Well, what?"

As he dug for the right words to say, there was suddenly a terrific thud of pain as he thought to the family who thought he was dead, to the friends who thought he was dead, to…

 _Oh, God._

Practically springing to his feet, his half-empty can dropped to the ground beside him and he put his hands behind his head, desperately working for steady breathing. He paced several feet away from the fire which had slowly been dimming over the course of the past hour; he heard Florian rise to her feet behind him.

"Hey, hey, hey, what's up?"

He could do nothing more than shake his head as he bent over, hands going to his knees as his head spun ever so slightly. A hand fell gently onto his shoulder as he swallowed weakly.

"What's wrong?"

Giving an unidentifiable noise of pain, he shook her off and walked several more steps in the opposite direction; he could hear her pacing after him.

"Don't shut me out."

Catching up, she got in front of him and took him by the shoulders. Through the mist of pain and nausea that was so pummeling him, he felt surprise at how strong she was.

"Hey."

He looked up into her gorgeous eyes which flashed with concern and what could have been anger.

"Don't. Tell me what's wrong."

"I… I hardly KNOW you… "

"You're right. But please believe me when I say that you can talk to me."

"I… I don't need someone… to talk to."

"Then what do you need?"

Surprise hit him again at how quickly she brushed off his blatant rudeness; no offense registered in her eyes at his brash comment, only further worry. He grasped for words as her voice fell to almost a whisper.

"What do you need? Someone to hit?"

"Wha… ? No, I… "

"Sex?"

"What the hell are you… "

"A shoulder to cry on?"

"I… "

With another powerful show of strength, she forced him down into a sitting position where he was only able to struggle briefly. She sat down beside him and wrapped him tightly; it was less of a hug and seemed more that she didn't trust him to move himself.

"Do you know why I came and talked to you when we first met?"

He was barely able to breathe as a flashing memory of playing with his mom as a child blasted through his mind, tears on the verge of building.

"…Why?"

She paused for a moment, as though she wasn't sure if she wanted to finish the thought.

"I saw the look in your eyes. I'd seen it before, looking in the mirror. It was the look of someone who had lost a hell of a lot and, most importantly, hadn't moved past it. I… I couldn't stand seeing someone else like that."

"So… you… "

"Yes, that's why I went to you. In all honesty, it's gone so much better than I expected. More than anything, I just wanted to get you on your feet, but… shit, Joe, I was drawn to you. You were funny, sassy, and, well… "

Through the turmoil of emotions, he somehow found a way to joke.

"Good looking?"

She exhaled a soft laugh against his neck.

"Mysterious. I wanted to know more about you and you've… you've been so open and I know more about you than people I knew for years. I… "

He could hear real hesitation in her voice as she stopped speaking briefly. Perhaps even fear.

"I don't know what I want. Not for me. But I know that for you, I want to help you. Any way I can. Whatever you need, I want to give you that."

She squeezed him ever so slightly.

"I feel… I owe you that, at least."

He couldn't say anything to that for a long time. What she had said, it felt too real. Too familiar.

 _Too good to be true. And not something I of all people deserve._

Finally, he turned where he was sitting and faced her. He saw the strong emotions on her face and felt almost reinvigorated by the amount of determination and strength he saw on her face. The amount of desire to help another person.

"Florian… I want to ask… no, I need to ask you something."

She nodded firmly.

"Anything."

Closing his eyes briefly, he let go of his fear and opened them, meeting hers.

"I need to know if I can trust you."

Very distantly, but very clearly, he heard the thunderclap of a high-powered rifle and in the very back of his mind, he tried to identify what kind of gun could have generated that sound. In front of him, she leaned closer.

"Of course. To do what?"

 _What will she think of me?_

"To trust me."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Gritting her teeth and looking up from the scope as the resounding boom of the gunshot rolled across the black wilderness, Mikasa breathed a relieved sigh as Annie gave her a thumbs up without looking from her binoculars.

"Clean."

She leaned back against the tree beside her and tossed a half-hearted glance down the tremendous hill that cut them off from the farmhouse.

"Thanks. There anyone there?"

"Huh?"

"Is there anyone else down there? Who saw it?"

Annie seemed to rethink her words as she swallowed and opened and closed her mouth.

"Don't worry about it."

Confused and partially annoyed by the half-answer, Mikasa frowned at her friend, opening her mouth herself before a very distant scream could be heard. She dropped back down onto her stomach as Annie reached out as if to protest her movements, but gave up as Mikasa pressed her eye to the scope.

Down in front of the headlights where the man she had executed had died on his feet, a child, no older than nine was wailing over the body. She would occasionally look up and around and appear to scream for help before breaking once more into sobs and mouthing the same word over and over.

 _Daddy…_

Looking away, she let her head rest against the cold hard ground as, once again, the painful reality of her life set in. She tried with difficulty to drift away from all of it, but, now, it seemed impossible.

And the girl screaming didn't help.

"Hey… c'mon, don't… "

Straightening and swinging a fist into the nearby tree, Mikasa bellowed as fresh rage writhed at her insides.

"FUCK!"

As she dragged her knuckle down the bark, she saw in her peripheral Annie get halfway to her feet.

"Hey, hey. You're fine, let's go. Let's just get up and go."

Numb in her hands and feet, she sat there and let Annie swiftly and silently pack up their gear before pulling her to her feet.

"We're walking, alright? We're leaving, we're heading home… "

After that, they walked in without another word until silence once again was all that could be heard through the night air. She breathed a long sigh as Annie snapped her head to look at her.

"You good?"

"Fine. Just… I've taken one too many parent from their kid, maybe."

Her friend's words were characteristically frosty.

"We do some bad shit. That's the life we've chosen. And we accept that or we don't."

She took Mikasa's hand which, strangely enough, didn't feel awkward or forced in the slightest.

"But if we don't, we're in for way more of a hell of a time."

Sighing, the raven haired girl shook her head, hair melding with the blackness of the night.

"You're right."

They reached the car after several more minutes and loaded it up before climbing into the vehicle in near darkness. Sitting there for several seconds, Annie pulled free the keys.

"I'll take us home."

"Actually… "

The blonde looked to the right, eying her friend in curiosity,

"Actually, what?"

Closing her eyes, Mikasa came forward to rest her elbows on her knees, giving an almost delirious chuckle.

"Buy me a drink."

Silence followed for several seconds before the turning of a key turned into the roar of an engine.

"You got it."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

By the time she took her palms from her ears, they were terribly sore and imaginably red. A very small wave of relief took over her form as she opened her ears to silence, but the relief ultimately did nothing against the miasma of fear and hatred that raged through her. In some regard, she wished for nothing more than to remain sitting there, locked in her room until the end of time.

 _It's really all I deserve._

But she knew that would just add to the colossal list of selfish deeds she had committed in the past few years of her life. Silently begging for the quiet to continue, she rose very unsteadily to her feet. Just achieving this caused her to stand still for over a minute, listening as hard as she could for any sounds penetrating from beyond the bedroom door. She heard none.

Deciding to slowly begin to start moving, she began treading towards the hall, her bare feet making next to no noise as she crept her way forward. She realized she had absolutely no idea how long she had been sitting there, screaming and crying. Her tears had long since dried against her cheeks, she had achieved a point where she could summon no more tears to cry. Reaching for the door handle, she made to press her ear against the door once more, silently dreading the moment where another household object would be thrown against the wall.

Much in contrast, she jumped softly as something brushed against her foot, followed by several hurried footsteps from in the hall which very quickly faded into nothing. Looking down, Krista picked up the small piece of paper that had been quickly shoved underneath the crack.

 **Stay put in there for the night, please. I'm going to be out here on the couch. We can talk tomorrow if you want. I promise I won't be like I was.**

 **I'm sorry for everything.**

Crushing the note in her hand, Krista couldn't determine what hurt worse to see, the words that had been written or the tears that blotched the paper and distorted them. As much as she wanted to sprint from the room and throw herself into Ymir's arms, to beg for forgiveness, she knew the least she could do now was respect her girlfriend's wishes. Quietly pacing away, she climbed as gently as she could into bed; she lay there silently for minutes, before she grabbed a pillow and pressed it against her face as she burst into tears once again. By now, it hurt to cry and her cheeks ached with every wracking heave, but she couldn't stop herself.

Because she knew that Ymir had absolutely nothing to be sorry for.


	14. Chapter 14

He staggered off his bike, hopping a few times on the leg that wasn't asleep, preventing a nasty fall onto the near frozen ground. Though, he doubted he probably would've felt it all that much; he felt ridiculously numb that he knew had nothing to do with the outdoor temperature. Knocking the engine, he didn't move for several seconds, allowing the silence of the wasteland to fill his ears as he closed his eyes and let his breath wisp away as steam.

 _What am I doing… ?_

Finally, he shook his head and marched up to the only object that could be seen for miles; the trailer was not large, nor was it small and from the outside, probably looked rather uninviting. But it had become his home in the months that had ticked by, coming with everything he needed to survive in the middle of nowhere.

 _As best as can be expected._

Dust was sitting in the corner, waiting for him. As was usual of him, he was slouched, body relaxed, but his face did not wear the normal smirk that was so like him. Instead, this evening, he was frowning.

"Really?"

Joe only glanced at him as he hung up his jacket and went for the remote.

"Really what?"

Leaning forward, Dust narrowed his eyes, which already existed as slits.

"You hardly know this girl."

"Weren't you the one who told me to talk to her in the first place?"

"I said talk to her, don't reveal your whole goddamn past to some slut who… "

"She's not a slut."

Though he wasn't looking at him, Joe could see Dust rolling his eyes.

"My bad. To some girl who may have a dad as a cop, or who… shit, you even imagine what would happen in her cute little head if you told her what the hell you've been up to over the past year?"

"I haven't told her yet."

"No, but you plan to, don't you?"

" _Of course. To do what?"_

" _To trust me."_

 _In that moment, he had needed to make one of the tougher decisions he had needed to make in months._

 _How could he say what there was to say?_

 _How could he expect her to understand?_

 _In the end, he had broken. He couldn't trust himself._

 _He had told her that the past year had hurt him in far more ways than he was comfortable with talking about right now, and had practically begged her to wait until they next met. The speed with which she had accepted his terms and then requested she drop him back off at the bar had bewildered him all the more, but he had been grateful and had done as she requested. As she dismounted in the parking lot, she had given him a swift kiss on the cheek before whispering in his ear._

" _Thank you."_

 _Before quickly walking around the corner and out of sight. The two words hadn't stopped pestering him: what the hell did she have to thank him for?_

He knew in his heart what the answer to Dust's question was, but it still worried him as to what an answer like that really meant.

"I haven't decided."

A stabbing laugh drilled into his soul.

"The fuck you haven't."

"Look, just get off my ass, alright? I'll think about what best to do and… "

"You literally made her promise to wait until you guys hang out again before you tell her the rest."

"And maybe I will, maybe I won't."

"Oh, that counts."

Spinning, he had half a mind to hurl the remote at the now-smirking entity's head.

"What the fuck do you want from me?!"

"Use your head, genius. You're in a delicate spot right now, and you're already jeopardizing it by helping that Carolina girl. Now, you want to go and tell this other chick you barely know the ups and downs of all the crazy fuck shit you got yourself into and who knows what from there… "

"I hate you."

"Nah, Joe. You hate yourself."

Joe swore and swung a fist at the wall before leaning against the table at the front of the trailer, head down. Eventually, he felt a question slipping against his tongue and he spun again, ready to ask it. Dust had left, the booth by the wall just as empty as it always was and he cursed again.

 _What good is he if he fucks off when I actually need him?_

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Florian quickly pulled back on her work apron as she slid as quickly as she could through the back door. On one hand, she wanted to sit down alone with a cigarette and think about what Joe had told her. It was worrying, intriguing, and frightening all at the same time. And she didn't even know actually what he was hiding. Then, on the other hand, she knew work would help cool off her mind.

She was surprised to see Pixis in the backroom, digging through some large wooden boxes with his usual slow movements and bored gaze. He looked to her as she closed the door behind her.

"Everything okay?"

Brushing her front, she blinked in confusion.

"Yeah, why?"

"You're very red. And breathing heavily."

With a start, she realized he was indeed correct. Placing her hands against her cheeks which her stung from the cold and feeling a swift, heavy pulse against her neck, she caught PIxis's knowing smile.

"No, no, no, I didn't… we didn't… "

"If you need to take the rest of the night, I… "

"No. No."

Getting ahold of herself, she straightened.

"Alya's not here, you need the help, even if the crowd is low this time of night."

He gave her a tired, appreciative smile.

"Thank you. Table six and thirteen, when you get the chance."

She nodded firmly, and bounded out to the floor, to the not-so-subtle gazes of some of the drunker and aging crowd. Working did its job as it always did for her; driving a stake between her mind and the memories that flooded in, trying to occupy as much space as they could. They would return when she left for home and slid underneath her covers, battering at her conscience and filling her with indecision and fear. But this night, it was different. She wasn't thinking about her past.

 _I'm worried about his._

Other than her sister, she never had many people to fear for, but he was so…

… _different._

What to think of him, she truly didn't know. Though she had tried very hard, she couldn't help but feel almost scared of him. It didn't take a genius to know that there was a raging torrent of emotions in his head, skipping around madly and doing their best to drive him insane. She had yet to get him to admit it, but Florian felt that the reason he was out in a small town like this was much closer to the reason she was.

 _We're all running from something._

Truly frightful was the look on his face when he had stood and walked away from her. She had walked up to him and seen in his eyes something that made her want to flee; the rage and grief seemed to overlap as quickly as they could and it had been so horrible to see that she had wanted to leave him there and run. But how could she? He had opened up to her, trusted her with the majority of his life's story, treated her as well as she could have asked, done nothing to warrant anything that should have given her reason to shy from him. That look though… almost like…

"Pardon me?"

Stopping dead in her route around the outside of the booths, she snapped free of her musings to look to her left at the table where the voice had originated from. Sitting against the back wall and half-shrouded in dark as though they were intentionally trying to appear hidden were two young women; one, with shoulder length black hair had clearly been the one who had spoken, the other, a shorter blonde with eyes as piercing as a blade of ice, was staring out the window as though expecting a tank to roll up into the parking lot.

"Can I help you ladies?"

"Yes… you familiar with these parts?"

"I suppose so, lived here six years, but know it like I've lived here my whole life."

"Know the ins and outs, locales, people well enough?"

Frowning softly, Florian shifted her weight to her left foot and moved her serving tray to a more comfortable position on her arm.

"Depends. What exactly are you looking for?"

The two looked at each other and the blonde leaned forward to quickly whisper something. The raven-haired girl looked back to her, smiling apologetically.

"I'm sorry, we're fairly new to the area, but work in a more… questionable line then some may be accepting of."

A million thoughts flew through Florian's mind, from drugs to prostitutes to showgirls to mercs.

 _They could pass as any._

"I ain't one to judge."

Throwing back a look to the rest of the building where very few people occupied the residing tables.

"Tell you what. How bout I get those gents their drinks, then I'll come back and we can chat. About whatever you want."

She chose, for no real reason, to be completely truthful.

"I know you got no reason to trust me, but most folks around here have done something pretty bad in their time here. I sure as hell don't hold it against none of em', and I sure as fuck ain't a snitch."

Shrugging, she tilted her head to stare outside.

"Not to mention we only got like three cops in the county."

Once again, the two looked at each other where something beyond straight communication passed between them. Then, they both looked forward and nodded. Florian smiled and started to turn.

"Be right back."

Taking a step forward, she stopped and looked back, long blonde hair swirling.

"What can I call you ladies?"

She saw the hesitation in their eyes before the dark-haired girl motioned to her friend, then herself.

"Annie. Mikasa."

Nodding, Florian adopted a thoughtful look.

"Mikasa. That's a beautiful name."

"Thanks."

She turned and went to wait the table in question. As she did, she tried to shake off the confusion she felt when the girl had thanked her. While it was much less apparent and far more reserved, she had the same kind of angry sadness in her eyes that Joe did.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The restaurant was far more on the inside than could have been expected from the outside. Inside, the walls were very low lit, but just bright enough to allow for visibility, dancing with orange colors in the flickering lights. As the hours wound towards midnight, the only customers besides them were a few scattered couples and a group of what looked like college kids, who were being fortunately quiet.

Looking around the dimly lit restaurant, Ilse marveled for a moment that a joint such as this existed this far out in the boonies, but was glad for it. Ahead of her, Sasha straightened her dress and walked up towards the seating area. A short, slick haired young man looked up to see her, and put on his best serving-a-nice-girl-face.

"Good evening ma'am. Do you have a reservation?"

Scratching the back of her head, Sasha looked around.

"Should."

"Under what name, if I may ask?"

She shrugged and looked back at Ilse, who shook her head.

"Dunno. We were supposed to be meeting someone."

The man adopted a knowing expression with a slight undertone of what could have been nerves.

"Ah. Yes. Um… "

He quickly scanned the flipboard in front of him.

"Um… would you happen to be under, 'Prospective business partners'?"

Feeling a rush of the same nerves that seemed to be on the man's face, Ilse shifted her weight as Sasha gave a delayed nod.

"Uh, yeah. That should be us."

Seeming almost relieved that he could cross that name off of his list, the man snagged a pair of menus and gave a very polite gesture to follow.

"Right this way."

Turning to Ilse, Sasha managed to mouth "what the fuck?" before turning forward to quietly follow the man to a round table positioned in the back left of the building. They both took seats in the facing towards the wall as the waiter handed them their menus.

"The other party has yet to arrive. Would you care for anything to drink to start?"

Her nerves working such that she couldn't focus too well on the long elegantly placed list of wines and simply handed the list back to him.

"Something good and red."

He nodded.

"ID?"

Ilse looked to Sasha with disbelief before back to him.

"I really look that young?"

He smiled apologetically.

"Assumptions are never worth an arrest warrant."

Chuckling, she sighed, rifling out her driver's license along with her friend.

"I getcha."

Eying them briefly, he nodded in confirmation, handing them back.

"Anything off the appetizers, or would you like some more time to… "

Sasha cut him off hard before he could even finish his thought.

"Stuff tates' if you wouldn't mind."

"The stuffed potatoes?"

She rolled her eyes where only Ilse could see.

"Yeah. That."

Seeming to sense her annoyance, he gave a short, formal bow and scurried off for the back. Ilse watched him very carefully until he was out of sight, then looked around to ensure they weren't being watched or overheard before reaching under the table to mimic Sasha. They both came up empty for a planted mic and Sasha leaned over, looking gently bewildered.

"Prospective business partners?"

A female waitress came out quickly to deliver their wine, which Ilse took and looked over, waiting until she left before replying.

"Sketchy, for sure. Seems too much like… "

Not wanting to open fresh wounds, she gently cut herself off. After only a few seconds however, Sasha muttered the end of her sentence for her.

"Like something Kenny would put down."

Ilse shook her head, trying to fathom it in her mind.

"That makes no sense though. He wouldn't know we were out here doing this, and even if he was, what interest would this give him? This is a fairly small territory, dealing here is just pocket change for him… "

"Not above him to just fuck with us for no reason."

"No, I suppose not… "

They both lapsed into thoughtful silence as Sasha took a considerably healthy swing from her wine glass. After only about a minute however, the frontman returned.

"You have a party of four, yes?"

"Correct… he should be here any moment… "

Nodding at the young man's response, he turned quickly to see to a wave from another customer; as he sat across from them, Ilse looked up before blinking wildly in surprise. She certainly reacted better than Sasha who gave a short yelp and nearly spilled her glass. Bertholdt shifted in his chair nervously, risking a smile.

"Sorry."

Forcefully swallowing and recovering, Sasha waved him down and shook her head.

"No, no, no, just… Christ, of everyone I thought we were gonna see tonight, was not expecting you, Bert."

He shrugged, looking around the restaurant and straightening his tie.

"Nice establishment."

Sasha leaned over, seeming to have taken on a much better mood.

"Motherfucker, was that you writing that on the reserve?"

Bertholdt looked around nervously as an elderly couple who looked over nastily at her profane exclamation.

"What?"

"Prospective business partners… that you?"

"No, no, probably my boss."

"Oh, he here soon?"

He looked to the waitress who brought him his water, thanking her before nodding and looking around again.

"Should be."

Taking a relieving looking swing of water, he sighed.

"Sorry for this place being so out of the way, I… "

"Wait."

He looked worriedly at Ilse who had cut him off.

"Bert, I'm thrilled to see you and all, believe me. But… I thought only Reiner worked… you know, in this."

She ignored the disapproving look from Sasha, watching him carefully; as she expected, he looked nervous, but he also seemed almost embarrassed.

"He did. But I needed the money pretty bad. He hooked me up here."

Looking down, he spun his glass almost absently.

"Good guy, Reiner."

Sasha shot Ilse another look that clearly was telling her to drop it.

"Yeah. Yeah, he is. Anyway, who you working for?"

"I… "

He looked behind him for the umpteenth time, nervously.

"I actually don't know much about him, I don't want to talk for him."

Clearly noticing the furrowed brows they gave him, he swallowed some of his reserve quickly.

"It's true, I don't. I know he's from across the ocean, came here God knows why. He's a pretty good people person, but don't say anything to piss him off, it's hard to tell what he'll take personally."

For some reason, he very quickly jumped on the opportunity to change the subject.

"I know this is more your neck of the woods, Sash, did you get a chance to say hi to… "

Ilse watched both their faces change drastically in emotions; his turning to wide eyed and apologetic, her to stone-faced and dark. Looking quickly between them, she quickly realized she was well out of the loop somewhere as he sputtered fearfully.

"Oh… oh God, Sasha, I'm… I didn't mean… I completely forgot, I… "

She swallowed herself and Ilse saw her hand shaking as she waved him down again.

"Don't… don't worry about it."

An awkward silence dropped upon the three of them as Bertholdt glared at his hands, Sasha at nothing as her eyes glazed over, and Ilse desperately trying to piece together what had passed between them.

"Sheesh, what a jolly bunch we got over here."

Ilse turned to see a very eccentric, yet reserved looking older man, thick, clean beard and pair of old, looking glasses. He had clearly brushed right past the man up front, who was following him and looking flustered. Bertholdt jumped to his feet and waved the frontman away who swallowed, nodded, and turned back to his post.

"Ah, yes, Bert… put this somewhere, would you?"

He shoved a huge briefcase past Ilse who rose to her feet as well to avoid being struck by it.

"Sorry, dear… let me just… "

Sliding into the booth next to Bertholdt who had jammed the briefcase hurriedly out of sight, he raised his hands, almost looking to be in a panic as Sasha started to rise.

"Please, please… I'm late as is… do not get up on my behalf."

She looked to Ilse as they both sat tentatively; the man said nothing more as he gave a relieved sigh, looking happy to be sitting as he cleaned his glasses.

"Yes… ah, yes… much better… "

Straightening, he laced his fingers and looked across the table, looking between them for several awkward seconds before shaking his head, and chuckling.

"Goodness me, goodness me… where are my manners… "

He reached across the table to shake both of their hands.

"You'll pardon me, but I do in fact know who both of you are, Sasha and Ilse… though you are both far more beautiful in person than Bert here made you out to be!"

Clearly deciding to put on a bit of a show, Sasha blushed and looked at Bertholdt almost naughtily to which he also blushed and caused the man next to him to give a hearty laugh.

"Yes, yes… pleasure to be here across from you, regardless of what passes as discussion over the next hour or two."

He snapped for the waitress and requested a lengthy Italian name from the wine list. Ilse leaned forward, lacing her own fingers and trying to pick out his emotions from his eyes. She could find none.

"So… you know our names… what should we call you?"

Swirling an invisible glass, he inhaled deeply.

"Ah… I've been called a good many things, but you'll forgive my paranoia. Please call me Zeke."


	15. Chapter 15

" _ **These are our lives.**_

 _ **You went and broke our lives.**_

 _ **You are so much worse than a cheater.**_

 _ **You killed something.**_

 _ **And you killed it when its back was turned."**_

– _**David Levithan**_

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

As the young woman moved across the room to serve the guests she had indicated, Mikasa felt Annie ease into her right arm.

"That wasn't exactly what I meant when I said we should ask around and see if we can find someone who knows anything about illicit drug trafficking in the area."

Mikasa felt her eyes drawn to the waitress as she moved with a seeming genuine ease and elegance. She sipped her drink, relishing in the warm and alieving rush that soared through her gut.

"I don't know… there was just something about her. Felt right."

Leaning forward and propping her elbows on the table, the blonde snorted.

"Right. Good. We need to make a new rule that you're not allowed to speak when you're past… how many are you on?"

Turning to give her friend a look that clearly said "give it a rest", Mikasa finished off her drink, doing her best to ignore that, while her friend was being overly cautious and worrisome, the world did indeed now have a curious spin at its edges. They only needed to wait a couple minutes before the waitress, who introduced herself as Florian, slew her apron over a coat hook and slid into the booth opposite them, carrying a drink of her own. She grabbed at it almost greedily and downed half of it. Raising an eyebrow, Annie initiated the first of the small talk.

"Only seen you here for about half an hour. You do night shifts?"

Wiping her mouth on her shoulder, Florian shook her head.

"No, no, we normally close probably about an hour from now. I work evening shifts regularly, but I had a… I guess we can call it a date, tonight and Pixis… "

She raised a finger from the side of her glass to gesture to the older man behind the bar who had been supplying Mikasa with her drinks.

"… gave me some hours to go do that. He's super flexible about when we can work, I think he's just glad for the extra help whenever he can get it."

Getting a grateful look in her eyes, she smiled in his direction affectionately.

"He could run this place all week by himself if he wanted."

Mikasa watched her gaze, then decided to ask something herself.

"Don't mean to knock the place, but you said 'date'? I haven't seen much of around here, but all I've seen is truckers, rednecks, and drunks, none under the age of sixty."

Florian cocked her head towards her, adopting an almost ravenously seductive look.

"Think they're too good for me?"

For whatever reason, quite possibly due to the alcohol, Mikasa imagined what it would be like to take her home with…

 _Stop it. You're here for info, not sex._

"Quite the opposite, actually."

"Well, what if that's how I like my men?"

"Then I'd say I'm half jealous of the geezers."

She would have kicked herself under the table if Annie hadn't immediately done it for her; she truly couldn't figure out where this was coming from. Florian, not seeming to mind in the slightest, gave a laugh that she hid behind the back of her palm.

"I'd give you better odds then them, honestly."

Mikasa was grateful her face was already flushed from the booze, else she wasn't sure how apparent it would have been that she was blushing.

 _Christ, I need to go to bed._

Ahead of her, Florian shook her head, expression changing to one of almost resentfulness.

"You're not wrong though. Only guys around her my age are self-indulgent college kids back for the holidays and rednecks' sons working as mechanics or farmers and with less brains then the cars and animals they work with."

"So that's where you throw your lot."

She smiled.

"Not quite. I may have gotten lucky."

Sipping at her drink absently, her eyes became almost foggy.

"Met a guy recently. Don't know how long he's been here, but I don't think he is by choice. Seems to be running from a lot, with a lot to hide. But he's nice, charming, and cute… in a quirky, nervous kind of way."

She seemed to look almost frightened for a moment.

"Seemed like the kind of guy who didn't have an issue letting his own problems consume him as long as no one else has to deal with them."

After several seconds of thought, she seemed to snap free of her fretting and waved a hand in apology.

"Sorry, I know that must sound weird… "

"No, that's fine… I know… I used to know someone who was a lot like that."

The parallels that Florian had drawn drove a heated fire into Mikasa's heart; clearly sensing her unrest, Florian seemed to catch on quickly before Annie even needed to change the topic.

"So… you said you work in a business that sounded like it may not be above board. Again, I know you got no reason to trust me, but it would help to know what that business is."

Annie looked around.

"Take a guess."

Smiling and narrowing her eyes in what could have been mock concentration, Florian laced her fingers and rested her chin on them.

"Hmm. Showgirls?"

"Nope."

"Damn. Ladies of the night?"

Mikasa smiled.

"You seem to put a good deal of stock in that our bodies are the reason we're even in business."

"Let's just say I thought I could get lucky."

"Thinking we're just that?"

"More of what the price could be for someone such as myself."

Annie cleared her throat in what sounded to be annoyance; Mikasa wiped the boozed smile from her face and Florian adopted a much more serious expression.

"You're here for drugs."

Before either of them could exchange looks, say a word or even alter expression, she waved a hand dismissively.

"It's fine, at least half the people who live here are. This isn't a town based on production or even distribution really, but we have more than enough outlets in regards to… I guess a pit stop of sorts for carriers."

In typical Annie fashion, she leaned gently forward, eyes looking for any sort of weakness or opening.

"Know much about this, do you?"

Finishing the rest of her alcohol without so much as a grimace on her face, she shook her head.

"I used to be a big part of it. Well… maybe 'big' is too strong a word. Used to work for a big part of it."

"Why'd you jump ship? Not making good money?"

While her expression didn't change, Mikasa saw Florian's hand tighten around her empty glass.

"Lost someone."

Blinking, Annie didn't look down.

"I'm sorry."

Surprised by the uncharacteristic apology, Mikasa saw that Florian didn't know Annie enough to bolster the same kind of disbelief.

"Don't be. It was years ago. Anyways, I still keep tabs on the business for no other reason as to hope that maybe the people responsible will wander back into town."

Uneasy, Mikasa felt no desire to pursue the subject, but Annie, now in form, had no fear drilling at delicate territory.

"Have some revenge in mind?"

Florian met her gaze unflinching.

"Maybe."

Whatever tension had started to build was defused as Mikasa quickly jumped between what could have become a verbal boxing match.

"So you equated this town to a pit stop, and I imagine that brings on a share of rivalries. Any… hostilities around here we should know about?"

Seeming just as interested in changing the topic, Florian shook her head.

"You'd be surprised."

As Annie had moments before, she looked around to ensure they were just as alone as they had previously been.

"Despite all the dealers and operations that use the town, none of them ever seem to use the town long enough for anything more than just passing product through. That doesn't allow time for tensions to really boil or even really appear."

She lowered her voice almost conspiratorially.

"Earlier this week, though, there was something. A girl stormed in here and started pitching a fit. Said her father had been killed and was looking for someone to help her conduct some street justice, that the police weren't cutting it. The other girl who works here dragged her outside before anything got too serious. Haven't seen her since."

Annie, beneath the table, grabbed her leg; they both knew exactly who this girl's father had been.

"Rumor on the rocks was that he had gotten involved as a middleman for a larger business outside of town and had started stowing product. Couple of guys from the business came to chat with him and things got out of hand."

Florian sighed, resting her chin on her hand.

"I just hope that girl doesn't go doing anything stupid."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

As the hour ticked by, Ilse found herself tremendously surprised at how much she was enjoying herself. The wine was probably helping, but it didn't entirely explain how she and Sasha were managing to keep alive engaging and humorous conversations with someone who could have passed as old enough to be their father. Yet here they were, laughing and joking about a huge array of topics that had ventured from politics to world issues to celebrities.

Zeke was a bizarrely interesting man; he was, as Bertholdt had mentioned, difficult to read and therefore difficult to guess at what might offend him, but, thus far, the conversations had been not but pleasant and upbeat. He would laugh very heartily at things that neither she nor Sasha would find particularly funny, but his laughter was ridiculously contagious and they would follow suit soon after. For all the energy that he seemed to emit, however, there was a very dull glow in his eyes, almost like some kind of dark fog obscured them behind his glasses. All curiosities aside, though, Ilse was forced to keep reminding herself the real reason as to why they were there.

As a genuinely hilarious tale wrapped up as Sasha recounted one of her drunken high school escapades, regarding a tractor and an old couple with a Confederate flag in the window of their house, Zeke leaned forward, cackling with swift laughter before he reached for his water, downing a fair bit and patting Bertholdt on the back.

"Goodness me, that is absurdly ludicrous… well now Bert, what's the matter? Past your bedtime?"

He laughed again in unison with Sasha; Ilse chuckled as well, but his comment brought light onto the one solitary detail that wasn't clicking with her. While Bertholdt had never been the most sociable or raucous of sorts, normally dragged to high school parties by Reiner who he stuck too like a scared puppy, she couldn't recall having ever seen him so… uncomfortable. Ever since Zeke had arrived, he had been fidgeting in his seat, biting his lip and even occasionally having to wipe sweat from his forehead. Ilse had noticed it early on, but had finally chalked it up to the fact that, by his own admittance, he had not been in the business long and was uneasy as to what was really going on that evening; she wondered how much Zeke had even told him.

"Ah well, I suppose we have been talking for quite some time… "

Wiping his mouth, he gave a sigh and leaned back, closing his eyes briefly. Then, as though becoming a different person, he leaned forward, a very serious and withheld expression now on his face.

"Perhaps we ought to quickly discuss the true meaning behind this dinner."

Getting ahold of her giggles, which was always a task for her, Sasha leaned forward as well, taking on a serious expression herself.

"Our boss made it clear we were to hear out what you want out of a partnership before anything else."

Zeke seemed surprised, almost pleased.

"Oh… oh. Well, I understand your primary need for a contact in this neck of the woods is for distribution, placement, and arrangement."

"Correct."

"I am willing to take all of these under my belt, but also would like to further offer my services beyond simply that."

Of all the things that they were expecting him to say, offering further work was not one of them; Ilse exchanged a brief look with Sasha before nodding him on.

"Continue."

He looked extremely eager as he continued to speak.

"What is your situation in regards to arms?"

"Guns, you mean."

Zeke shifted in place as Bertholdt swallowed heavily.

"Well… to some extent."

Ilse narrowed her eyes.

"What's the rest of the 'extent'?"

"I'm speaking more as to my ability to provide you with some weapons that may or may not be the norm on the street. No matter how sophisticated your business may be."

"We have guns… "

He waved a hand almost impatiently.

"No, no, no, I mean armor. Explosives. Incendiaries. All of a kind that perhaps you all may not be quite used to."

Very unsure as to what he was getting at, Ilse looked to Sasha again and saw the confusion reflected in her eyes. This was not how the meeting was supposed to go, though it now provided a considerably interesting branch that she could see Zeke desperately wanted them to reach for. Knowing she needed to play this carefully, she took on a tone that suggested mild interest mixed with suspicion.

"Sounds… intriguing. Though I can't obviously say for certain whether or not we can agree to anything beyond drug trafficking without Hange's… "

Seeming to have seen this coming, he bobbed his head like a bird.

"Yes, yes, I understand, of course. But… "

He gestured nonchalantly towards where Bertholdt had placed the briefcase.

"That is full of all the workings I currently have available and am working on. Please just bring it to her attention, would you? I have no doubts that drug trade will be beneficial for both of us, but it would be even more profitable if we could… expand."

In her mind, Ilse could already see Hange eagerly poring through whatever documents lay within the briefcase and wondered if perhaps she and Zeke could be a match made in heaven.

"Alright, we can do that."

He seemed almost overwhelmed.

"Thank you… thank you very much… get in touch with me as soon as you're back with her… then I'll give you the combination to unlock the case."

Sasha gave Ilse one last look before nodding to Zeke.

"Will do."

A strange, almost beastly grin spread across his face.

"Then, my dears, I think our partnership is just beginning to blossom."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Krista awoke to remember that she hadn't bothered to set an alarm. The unease that she had taken to sleep with her had done its job of not providing her with the best night's rest however, and upon looking at her phone, she saw that it was still only mid-morning. As the haze of waking up faded, she felt the same sense of fear and apprehension that had plagued her entire night rear again. It took genuine effort to force herself out of bed and to the door.

The living room was about what she expected considering all the noise she had heard the previous night, yet it still was startling to see. Furniture was strewn, often on its side and anything that had been resting on a table lay either on the near the walls or shattered against them. Fortunately, they had been a couple that had lived thus far only with what they had needed, so the settled storm of destroyed objects was less than it could have been.

The only item that seemed to be unmoved was the couch which remained in the middle of the room, facing the television which now sported several sizeable cracks. Ymir sat on it, staring forward and as still as the furniture she sat on. Krista remained in the edge of the hallway, now entirely unsure of how to proceed. Her heart was screaming at her to leap forward and wail apologies until she was forgiven, but her brain knew that was not how to approach her girlfriend. Instead, acting on a sudden thought, she stepped forward, speaking quietly.

"You manage any sleep?"

She was surprised to receive an almost immediate response, one blanketed in tire and strain.

"I'm actually not sure. I tried, I know that. Maybe dozed off, if not exactly slept."

Having received a reply that was colossally more inviting than what she had expected, Krista felt a newfound sense of confidence, something that had been evading her since the previous evening. Walking quietly around the left side of the couch, she tentatively sat down, a couple feet between them. She waited a good long while before hazarding another question.

"Reiner."

"Hmm?"

"Reiner told you."

"Yeah. He did."

She wanted to feel anger for him, for acting against her wishes, but she couldn't. No matter how hard she tried, she knew that he had been the one acting in Ymir's best interests, not her.

"I assume… he told you everything."

"Yeah."

"That I was high… that Joe was drunk… that… that I forced myself on him… "

"Yeah."

Leaning back, she stared forward similarly to Ymir as they both meditated in silence. Minutes ticked by as the sun crept over the horizon and sent yellow waves into the room. More passed as the chirping of birds echoed distantly from outside.

 _Say something._

"Ymir."

"Krista."

They both spoke at the same time; Krista turned to see Ymir looking at her, fear written unabashedly on her face.

"I don't know what came over me last night, I lost control, I can't lose control like that, not with… with a baby on the way, how can I say I'm worthy to have a kid when I do shit like that, why do I think that… "

As her voice started to shake and stutter, Krista closed the gap between them, her own fear beginning to morph into something else.

"Ymir, to hear that… and not react badly… I don't know if I could have called you human if you hadn't."

"I was… so angry. At you. At Joe. At… myself."

"Why? How?"

Somehow, anger crept into Krista's veins as she pondered what Ymir had just said.

"How could you POSSIBLY be angry at yourself? You are the victim, how could you seen yourself as otherwise?"

"I… I should have seen it, should have known… "

Krista laughed, surprising herself.

"Don't. Please… of anything you do… of anything you're doing, don't blame yourself."

"I just… feel so much hate… but… I don't know who it's aimed at… or what… "

Unable to get herself to move, Krista held herself in place as Ymir started to ramble.

"I wanted first to go to beat the hell out of Reiner. To tell him to stop lying. Then I wanted to go to his grave. Joe's. To scream at it, to spit on it. Then… then I wanted to hurt myself. To cut at my arms, my legs, to beat myself with a fucking stick."

Krista started to cry.

"Oh, Ymir… why?"

"I… I don't know."

Finally, she howled, a sound more eerily familiar to the screams she had been loosing the previous night.

"Krista… why haven't I ever been able to hate you? I should… by all means, after this, I should. I don't want to… but I should. I've tried before to hate you… but this… this is the closest I've come to actually succeeding. And it scared me."

She lowered her head.

"But what are you? What kind of person… or THING are you that, no matter what, I will always come back to fall at your feet? A goddess? A devil?"

Closing her eyes to spill the tears out, Krista reached out to take her hand.

"I… I don't know what I am That I could do this. And hide this. And expect… no, imagine you could ever understand it. Because there's nothing to understand. I fucked up. I'm a hypocrite, asking you to be truthful, than do this behind your back, and hide it for so long."

As Ymir looked back, she too started to cry.

"How… how could you this to us? I can't… just can't stop asking that in my head. And I know you'll never be able to answer that. But… "

Swallowing, she bit down on her lip.

"But I still lost control. No matter what you did, I went crazy. I could have done something I would never be able to take back, just like you did. I… I… "

Ymir looked genuinely scared.

"I could have hurt you… worse than I did, I could have hurt the baby, I could have… "

"No. You couldn't have."

She looked back at her girlfriend, feeling stabbing despair.

"I don't believe that you could've. And I don't think you do either."

They stared at each other a moment, fear and denial clashing between their eyes before Ymir let out a noise that was both a gasp and a moan. The pain and angst in her voice reflected the hurt that savaged Krista's heart, mirroring almost perfectly how she had felt since the day it had happened. In the same instance, they lunged forward and seized each other in a tight embrace, holding each other as though it was the last time they could. Krista cried against her not for what had happened; the time to mourn that had passed. She cried because, this time, she didn't know if she would be forgiven. She knew she didn't deserve to be.

This time, she wasn't even sure if she wanted to be.


	16. Chapter 16

" _ **The past is never dead.**_

 _ **It's not even past."**_

― _**William Faulkner**_

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"This is an atrocious idea."

"Whatever."

"I know that you are a bit of a genius when it comes to coming up with atrocious ideas, but I still can't see… "

"I really don't care what you think."

"You've mentioned that before. But I have to ask… what benefit can come from this? Who will you even go see?"

"… probably, I… I don't know."

"No, you don't."

"One of them. I'll roll a dice if I have to."

"You won't see her."

"… No… I won't."

"After all this time, you're just going to break the silence and completely flip on this? What would Levi say?"

"He wouldn't say anything, he'd break my jaw and tie me to a chair."

"I'd do that if I could."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

One of the few rays of sunlight that shown through the dark days of winter hitting her eyes was all the confirmation Mikasa needed to know that she had overslept.

 _Like it matters._

That particular morning, she didn't feel particularly motivated to do anything at all, which was considerably unlike her. Motivation was one of the few things that allowed her to ignore general feelings of pain or sorrow and simply go about daily business and at least try and lay behind that what she was trying to forget. After yesterday, however, she wasn't sure she blamed herself for feeling a general desire to lie in bed all day.

Despite the cold that thrived outside, the cheap motel they had stayed the two nights in was unbelievably warm, if a touch stuffy as well. Despite being clothed in only her underwear, she could feel sweat from the night pull the sheets to her as she sat up. Annie's bed was empty as was the rest of the room, but this wasn't surprising. Considering the lack of much of anything they had to do that day other than drive home, she imagined her friend had taken the open opportunity to take a long, early morning run, as she so liked to do.

Climbing free of the bed, she stretched, allowing herself to give an absurd sounding yawn that she would never have let out in the company of anyone else, save for…

 _Fuck._

Thinking about him had become almost ritualistic in how naturally it came up; sneaking thoughts into her head unbidden and causing random waves of pain to strike her. Though, for whatever it was worth, she had started to become numb to it.

Checking her phone, she saw Eren had blown up her inbox with a fair few messages at some ungodly hour of the morning, proving once again that he had changed little since high school. A bunch of fairly blurry pictures featuring a fairly reserved, but confident looking Armin, alongside some blanks text boxes were followed by a long, excited message where Eren informed her of how their mutual friend's election chances were looking better by the day and how he had already begun preparing and drafting adverts and the like. As she read his message over twice, she shook her head. Some part of her knew this was so like Armin to get involved in, but another part of her wondered if he really was ready for something this large. Or even if he knew what he was getting into.

Setting down her phone, she walked to the window and stared off towards the mountains, already deep in thought. Deep down, she imagined that, after everything, Eren and Armin would always be the two people she would be closest to, at least now after…

 _Stop._

Despite having drifted away from them after high school, having them both move back to town over the past year had been something of a blessing in itself. She had always been able to be as open with them as anyone she had ever known and the past half-year had driven that home more than anything. To Armin, she had spilled personal secrets so deep that she never imagined even uttering them aloud, let alone to anyone else. To Eren, she had cried in his arms for minutes on end and he patiently and compassionately held her for as long as she needed; his hot attitude and short temper always disappeared whenever she was with him and Mikasa often wondered if he still had feelings for her. The both of them had provided an outlet for her, from her emotional outpourings to her necessity for sex. Among the three of them, more had been tried behind closed doors then they would ever admit to anyone else; erotic desires among the three, close friends were nothing to be ashamed of, not after the past year. Eren's prideful hiding of his curiosity in being dominated, Armin's interest in attempting crossdressing, and her own inquisitiveness into the ever-changing, occasionally frightening and ever-bottomless world of bondage. The both of them had been noticeably concerned on the night she first asked, and she had a good idea why, but she knew her interest in it was partially due to her desire to overcome the certain fear, that they well knew about.

 _God knows if it'll ever help._

She had been too nervous to ask Joe when he had been ( _alive_ ) with her, but somehow, she had always been able to be more open with her two school friends than anyone else, regardless.

The door banged open with enough resounding force to cause her to jump and reach for the gun on the table. Its grip never left the wooden surface as a red-faced Annie slid in and closed the door quickly behind her. As she breathed heavily, sweat collecting on her neck, she looked what must've been involuntarily behind her, as all that sat there was the closed door. Looking back, any stunning at the sight of seeing Mikasa nearly naked was immediately brushed aside.

"Get dressed, quick. There's… there's something you need to see."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Got your jacket?"

"Yeah."

"Wallet?"

"Yes."

"Side?"

"Yup."

"Car good on gas?"

"Girl… I got it."

Krista smiled apologetically. Despite the previous twenty-hour hours, things had somehow started to drift back to normal, after cleaning and not having spoken about the incident since. Though Krista knew it would never be the way it was, she had seen to that. Ymir had promised to pick up new furniture after Hange's assignment, despite Krista's fussing not to worry about it. She was almost out the door and here, things seemed frighteningly like they always had been; one of them worrying over the other who was leaving the house. But that perhaps was the most unsettling part of it.

"Do you want me to grab anything else from the store while I'm out?"

"We're running a little low on milk… but other than that… "

Reaching out, Ymir poked Krista's left breast.

"I mean, soon we shouldn't even need to worry about that."

She gave a snort and a chuckle at the sight of Krista's wide open mouth while the blonde drove her mind for a response.

"I mean, they haven't gotten that much bigger, if at all… maybe we'll just have to stick to formula."

Putting on a pouting look, Ymir crossed her arms.

"Well, I was rather hoping we could split the difference… baby works on one, I work on the other."

Imagining the sight of what that would look like, Krista gave a laugh.

"Maybe we can make do."

Laughing along with her, Ymir glanced behind her briefly.

"Alright, well… I'd better not keep the boss waiting."

She turned for the door and Krista felt her heart sink; she couldn't bring herself to call Ymir back, but she quickly found herself the victim of a personal joke. Stopping on a heel, Ymir raised a finger and spun a hundred and eighty degrees, looking back as though she had forgotten something very distant.

"I think I'm forgetting… hmm… oh, yeah."

Closing the distance between them very quickly, she pulled Krista into a strong, yet tender kiss that the blonde reached up quickly to respond in kind with. It lasted a very long time and neither of them seemed particularly inclined to break it apart. Finally, Krista pulled away, so gently that their lips still brushed against each other as she gripped her girlfriend's head and spoke quietly.

"Ymir… I know it's going to be hard to start doing this again… but can you promise me something?"

"Anything."

There was no delay in her response and Krista had to clamp down on her own will to keep tears from forcing their way into her eyes; she tightened her grip on Ymir as she whispered.

"Whatever Hange wants you to do… if its anything too dangerous… promise you'll ask her to give it to someone else."

"Don't think I can handle it?"

"No, Ymir, that's… that's not… I didn't mean… "

Laughing against her, Ymir took her hand and squeezed it.

"Kidding. I got you."

Smiling, Krista pulled her into a tight hug.

"Come back to me as soon as you can."

Ymir returned just as strongly.

"Nothing I'd rather do."

She pulled away, smiling, her hand slipping from Krista's and the blonde felt a tug of regret as she did.

"Love you."

"Love you more."

Ymir looked back once, a genuine smile full of affection on her face before exiting through the door and closing it quickly before too much cold air seeped in. Krista watched through the window as the car chugged alive and spewed exhaust, pulled out of the driveway, and continued staring long after it had pulled out of sight.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The drive to work seemed to speed by in Ymir's mind and by the time she was in the lot and parked, she blinked, trying to think of where the memory of driving had gone. Of course, her mind had been occupied by a good bit more than simply the usual routine of making her pass to work; her mind had been racing for a number of reasons since she and Krista had broken down in each other's arms on the couch. After much trepidation and worry, she simply had placed faith once again in her angel and had decided to believe that this was where they would start over.

 _That's all I can do. Because… really, she is all I have to live for._

Thoughts of the baby struck her and she felt a feeling of excitement and worry, something she hadn't felt in what felt like forever.

 _Please… let everything work out._

Stepping out into the cold, she shivered briefly and made her way quickly inside; the warmth of the building was considerably more refreshing than in the car.

"Ah, just about right on time."

Nearly tripping over herself as she spun around, Ymir found herself staring at Hange who apparently had been waiting by the door. The older woman grinned widely as Ymir corrected her footing and hopped a few steps.

"Yeah, shit… don't scare me like that."

Looking apologetic, the smile still hung widely on her face.

"Sorry. We just need to get going as soon as we're able."

Blinking, Ymir watched as she double checked the small bag by the door.

"We?"

"Ah, yes. Slight change of plans, I'll be going with you."

"Just… because no else is in town, or… ?"

Looking at her, Hange stared several seconds as though baffled by the question, before taking on an understanding and obvious expression.

"Yes, yes, that's it."

Gesturing in a characteristically excited fashion, she led Ymir outside and they walked to one of the sedans that remained ready and waiting in the garage. As the car revved to life, Ymir turned to her boss, pulling on her seatbelt.

"How is everybody?"

Without looking, Hange punched the gas and they sped out perhaps a touch too quickly.

"All good, all good. Sasha and Ilse had a successful talk with a potential new middleman, they should be on the way back. Mika and Annie are in a similar status, they stayed an extra night for a reason they didn't deem necessary to tell me."

Smirking gently, Ymir leaned back as the car rumbled out onto the highway.

"Warming up a hotel room, maybe?"

Hange sighed, looking for a moment like a concerned mother.

"I hope so. Anything to help Mika. Annie has as good a chance as any."

"Agreed."

The conversation drifted into silence as the car drove for several dozen miles. The scenery drifted from buildings to houses to shacks to dead trees and open wilderness; it was only until they turned off the highway onto an almost invisible dirt road that Ymir thought to bring up a very obvious question that she should have asked now over an hour ago.

"Hey, boss?"

"Hmm?"

"So… what exactly are we out here for?"

Hange didn't answer immediately and opted instead to scratch her head; Ymir kept talking, sensing that perhaps there was more to this than she had guessed at.

"You didn't have me gear up with anything… and I've got a sidearm obviously… but still, what the hell's even out here?"

There was a moment of unsettling silence.

"Something that I'd rather not talk about until we're there."

It was an unnerving and unsatisfactory answer to say the least, but Ymir chose that trust was the word of the day and closed her mouth. The drive lasted longer than she thought, stretching out for another twenty minutes, bringing the drive to an hour and a half before Hange pulled the car into the shade of several evergreens and killed the engine. Pulling out her phone with the intent of texting Krista, Ymir saw that the poor coverage was not going to allow that.

"Check the trail, if you would."

Climbing out, Ymir looked around for where the hell a trail could even be, zipping her jacket a little higher as a breeze ruffled her hair. Her eyes then caught an orange circle labeled on the ground; approaching it, she noticed another one ten feet further along and it didn't take her long to determine what kind of trail this was.

"I placed them yesterday."

She looked back to see Hange throwing the bag into the trunk. Her boss looked up and nodded forward.

"Go ahead and start moving. I'm right behind you."

So Ymir started walking along the hazardously placed trail, hearing the footsteps of Hange behind her as they started into the wilderness.

"Can I at least ask where we're going?"

"You can."

"But you won't tell me."

"Correct."

Shaking her head gently, Ymir tried not to let it worry her too much. Hange had always been a secretive sort, never willing to divulge what she didn't need you; this sort of reserve was not uncommon. Still, she would have liked to at least known where they were going. They walked for a good ten minutes before Hange spoke from behind her.

"Sorry, Ymir, I forget… where were you before you found me… well, us, I guess?"

There was a great deal of thoughtfulness in her voice, and Ymir could sense that what could be a long walk was just her excuse to bring up some conversation topics.

"Doing nothing, really. Digging for jobs, trying to find something to do in life. High school never gave me crap to work with."

"Your first job was with us?"

"Yeah."

"Parents didn't push you any harder than that?"

"Parents didn't care much about me."

"Hmm."

Silence returned and the crunch of dirt under their feet was all there was to keep them going. In many regards, it was almost relaxing, the walk shared with the pair of them didn't feel awkward in the slightest. After another laborious fifteen minutes however, Ymir considered asking again what the point of this was before a clearing opened in front of them. It was small, only about the size of a living room and dotted with a few boulders; Ymir wasn't sure if this was the destination or not before she saw a garden shovel propped against one of the boulders.

"Yo, Hange, is this where… "

Something hard and metal smashed into the back of her skull and she stumbled forward and to the ground as lights spat colors before her eyes. Her body crashed against the near frozen dirt as she scrambled for her gun; as her fingers brushed against it, she felt it pulled from her fingers as a foot drove itself her in the kidney. She gave a short scream of pain and rolled over as the same foot came down on her chest, slamming her down and in place. Coughing, she blinked, trying to restore sight to her eyes. Her eyes finally adjusted to see Hange standing above her, all traces of a smile gone, gun pointed down.

"I'm going to ask you some questions, Ymir."

The slide was cocked back and Ymir stared into the barrel of a thick handgun.

"Then, I'm going to decide if I'm going to kill you or not."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

After Ymir had departed, Krista had very quickly run out of things to do. The smarter side of her suggested a nap, but she doubted that she would be able to fall asleep considering all that had happened. Lying down would not have led to anything conducive to rest.

Instead, she had wrapped up any cleaning that was left in the living room; she was surprised by her own indifference to cleaning up the remnants of her destroyed possessions. After filling a couple trash bags and cursing the pain that had been dwelling for months now in her back, she heaved a sigh and looked around for something to do. A tolerably lower sexual drive diminished the possibility of masturbation and a destroyed television didn't give her any options either. The weather was too cold for a walk and she considered picking up a phone and giving Connie a call and seeing if he was in the mood for coffee and catching up before a thought hit her.

 _The folding chair…_

Looking around for a place to sit, her mind was drawn to the folding chair they had stashed atop the wardrobe. It had been the place Ymir had been sitting, watching July fourth fireworks when Krista had finally mustered the courage to go and climb onto her lap and where they had shared one of their earliest, and perhaps best, kisses. If there was ever a time to bust it out of retirement, it was now.

She saw it very quickly upon entering the room, but very quickly realized it was well beyond her reach. Looking around, she realized there was little she could do before she remembered the ladder in the closet. Large and metal, she huffed and puffed to pull it out, giggling to imagine Ymir's face if she saw her carrying the heavy piece of equipment. Unfolding it and placing it against the wall, she maneuvered up the steps the best her pregnancy would allow. Reaching for the chair, she pulled it towards her, before realizing she was entirely unsure how she could successfully move it down. Pondering her options, determination flicked a switch in her mind, causing the decision she made to be haphazard to say the least; sliding it sideways, she reached out with her left arm to support it against the wall when it fell.

A terrific contraction stabbed at her midsection and she screamed at the sudden pain and shock. Losing her grip completely, she tumbled backwards, leg caught between two steps on the ladder; there was another eruption of pain from her leg as it twisted in an awful way before coming free. Her head hit the ground with enough force to nearly cause a blackout. Pain and confusion swirling before her as another contraction ripped at her insides. Knowing then in the back of her mind what it meant, she felt tears fill her eyes as fear and panic started to set in; she screamed then, feeling terror at what could come as she realized she couldn't stand, or even move in any real capacity. Terror at what fresh hell this could bring.

"YMIR!"

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Annie, I can't keep running after you in good conscience if you won't tell me what the fuck we're doing."

The pair had been running for what was close to ten minutes, full sprint, well past the last semblance of what could have been civilization. The motel they had stayed in was already on the faintest outskirts of an already small town so it didn't take a particularly long time to venture where the only surroundings were gentle hills and flatlands, all composed of dirt.

Annie hadn't allowed her to do anything more than dress, before practically taking her by the arm and dragging her off outside and hadn't said a word since. Now, her eyes were alive with a fierce glow that Mikasa was fairly sure she had never seen before.

"We're almost there, just… there. There, stop."

They slowed at the back end of a short, steep hill. Mikasa took a tentative step forward and suddenly, Annie grabbed her arm.

"Wait."

She looked back; the blonde wasn't looking at her.

"What?"

"I just… I don't know if this… maybe we… we shouldn't… "

Anytime Annie was at a loss for words was generally cause for concern, and Mikasa took it immediately at such.

"What? We shouldn't what? You drag me probably two miles outside of town to the middle of nowhere and now, suddenly, it's not a good idea."

Shaking off the hand, she moved up the hill and had nearly reached the top when her friend had seized her arm again. She was completely ready to shake it off again as she looked back, but stopped at the look of panic on Annie's face. It was a look she had never seen before, reserved and low, but still very present, cold eyes wild with fear.

"Mika… just… we don't know what it could mean, could mean anything, just don't… "

Pulling away again and now fully invested in what they were doing, she moved up the last couple steps and stared over the ridge; across from her, probably thirty yards away, was a beaten and battered trailer. It looked still viable to use, but had clearly seen its rounds. It sat under the now grey sky, just as dull as the clouds that drifted above. She turned back to Annie, shaking her head at Annie in a lack of understanding; all the blonde could do was close her eyes and look down. Thoroughly worried and confused, she looked back to the trailer and unholstered, thumbing off the safety. Very slowly, she approached it from the blind side with no windows, feeling Annie at her back, watching her six no matter the trepidation she felt. Easing along the side of it, she listened very closely for any sound of occupancy, but heard none. After a solid minute of slowly walking silently, they reached the door; Annie put a hand on her shoulder. Feeling a sudden rush of anger towards nothing in particular, she kicked it open and stepped inside.

Aside the considerable amount of random objects that filled the interior, the trailer was empty and devoid of life in particular. When nothing leapt at her or made a noise, she started poking around, still completely confused. For several minutes she looked around before noticing that Annie hadn't moved from where she was standing in the entrance. Her friend had her gaze set firmly down and looked as though she was trying to be as unnoticeable as possible.

"Annie?"

A quick flick of her eyes, but nothing more.

"What is this?"

Nothing.

"Why did you drag me out here?"

She started walking forward, realizing just how much she towered over Annie.

"What the fuck is this?"

Standing a hair's breath away, Mikasa thought that she wasn't going to get an answer. But after several arduous seconds, the blonde swallowed and reached out with a toe to poke some object Mikasa hadn't paid any mind to. She turned to look at and picked it up, still confused, before stopping dead.

The bat she held was dented and scarred, just as the trailer was, used well by its owner. There was a dent that could have come from striking a man who had come dangerously close to killing a couple she knew. There was a dash from where the bat could have collided with the head of a police officer. There were several scratches that could have come from the bodies of a small group of rapists who were beaten down in the street. Her shaking fingers ran along it as though it was the most meaningful object she had ever seen. Her knees hit the floor as she collapsed, giving a reeling gasp. It was a bat she knew. She had sent it in a large box of possessions anonymously to the parents of a young man who she had loved as they did. She had held it as long as any of the objects she had sent that way, and had said goodbye to it with the rest of them. It was supposed to be hundreds of miles away, not in this trailer, surrounded by the smell of the Red Baron pizzas that she only now remembered the young man had loved so much. She held the bat to her chest, shaking and trying to keep the world from spinning.

Outside, it had started to snow.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

 **AN: Chapter going up a little early as I'll be walking on a glacier for the better part of the early day tomorrow (wish me luck!) and I won't be able to post at the time I would normally like to, so better early than late, I suppose. Should be back by early evening though, so to my speedy reviewers and PM'ers, I should be able to get back to you at a reasonable time tomorrow. Hope you're all having a good start to the New Year!**


	17. Chapter 17

He didn't know what had made him choose her.

Having left his bike to walk to the apartment on foot, he now stood outside their building, shaded by a tree and completely unsure of what to do next. Denial and anger had directed him to speed across hundreds of miles before the sun had even risen and he now could hear Dust taunting him from afar.

 _This will destroy everything that you, and they, have fought for…_

Clenching his fist, he closed his eyes and lowered his head, trying to maintain a grasp upon the greed that had sent him here.

"I miss them so much… "

It was his voice, but it wasn't. The pain was stronger than it had been in months and now, he had come to do the only thing that he knew was capable of remedying it. Taking a deep breath, he crossed the yard and slowly ascended the stairs to the front door, his fingers and toes nearing a numbness that only came with serious fear and nerves. Stopping a foot from it, he looked back down the way he had come, as a flush of memories cascaded through his mind. None of them were particularly relieving.

 _"Jesus… oh my… holy fucking shit… Christ… how… shit… "_

"… _do NOT touch her back, and we're going to move her to the backseat of the car. Ready? JOSEPH!"_

 _"WAS IT YOUR FUCKING FATHER!"_

His own distant roar through his memory caused him to gasp back to reality and his hand went up in a fist to knock on the door before his common sense got the better of him. But something else stopped him that wasn't his raging mind nor his acumen; instead, he stopped to think what this would even do for him. What would either of them think? For him to show up on their doorstep months and months after they had witnessed his apparent suicide? How could he expect them to understand what he had done?

Very slowly, his fist began to lower. In that moment, he knew that this could solve nothing. This gained him nothing but what his greed had promised. And they deserved much better than that. He chuckled as he backed away from the door.

 _Do they even still live here?_

Through a great deal of nearly palpable grief, he turned and made to leave. While deep down he knew that there may very well be nothing left for him in the waking world, in this moment, this was all he could do to keep himself from accepting it.

As his foot hit the first step down, a considerable thud and a scream from inside nearly sent him tumbling the rest of the way. Spinning, his hand instinctively went for his side where his gun rested, but as he listened, he heard nothing else. He remained there frozen, head spinning; on one hand, his heart was pounding just from hearing Krista's voice again, but on the other, he was trying to process why no other sound had followed.

 _Is… is she by herself?_

"YMIR!"

The scream he then heard echoed with enough pain and fear, that he nearly barreled up the step and broke the door down. But instead, he waited. He waited longer than he should have for the sound of running, hurried footsteps, a shout back, anything at all. But there was nothing.

He remained there on the first step, staring forward, back to the building, and for the first time in what felt like forever, he truly had no idea what to do.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

With worry boiling in her heart, Annie risked a glance to her right for the ninth time in the past minute. Mikasa was sitting in the passenger's seat, leaning slightly forward, with her forehead pressed against the bat which she had refused to leave behind. She hadn't moved since they started driving and that had been close to an hour ago.

After finding the bat, Mikasa had almost immediately flew into a frenzy, tearing up the small living space for any other evidence of anything she could recognize. Upon finding none, she had begun shouting at Annie, demanding to know if this was some kind of fucked up joke and the blonde had shouted back just as furiously. No blows were exchanged, but it had nearly come to that; finally, he raven-haired girl had dug through the trunk of their own vehicle and found a camera, which she planted between a rock and a shrub, providing a careful view of the front of the RV. Then, she had climbed in the car and demanded they return home and hadn't said a word since.

For the most part, Annie couldn't blame her. She herself was filled with feelings of confusion and disbelief. She had only stumbled across the RV by chance on her run and had stopped to see if she could bride some water out of some redneck living out in the boonies.

 _How the hell had the bat would up out in the middle of nowhere, in the possession of…_

Annie swallowed. That wasn't even a question she believed herself ready to ask yet.

She looked over again. The expression on her friend's face gave away nothing away on how she was feeling, but Annie could only imagine the torrential rain of emotions that were raging inside her. A sign on the right side of the road informed them they were only forty or so minutes away from home at the rate they were driving; she risked opening her mouth.

"Mika… where do you want to go?"

When she didn't get an answer, she looked to the right to see if she had even acknowledged the question.

Suddenly, the blare of a horn split the air outside and Annie looked forward just in time to see a car pulling out of one of the sidestops, fully placed to get t-boned. Swearing, the blonde slammed the brakes and throwing the wheel; as their car spun along the side of the road to avoid the other car, a gentle screech of metal indicated how close a collision had been. The car came to a rest quickly, dust billowing up around it. Pausing briefly to catch her breath, Annie then swore violently, practically kicking her door open. She waited to get out just long enough to see Mikasa still sitting, and looking as though she had barely acknowledged the close miss. The driver of the car was also stepping out amongst the settling cloud of dust and Annie opened her mouth, completely ready to give the driver a piece of her mind.

"Hey, hey, really sorry about that, we weren't looking and you were going a lot faster than we thought you were, thought we could get out ahead before… Annie?"

Blinking away, the blonde saw Sasha stepping away from her vehicle, squinting at her.

"Fuck's sake, Sash… "

The brunette let out a long laugh as Ilse climbed out as well, looking surprised.

"Well, fancy seeing you out here. In the middle of fucking nowhere."

Casting her eyes between the two of them, Annie narrowed them slightly.

"Thought you two were heading back well before us."

"We decided to stay an extra night, really were feeling the mood for a nice break out in the boonies. Though… "

Sasha cocked her head sideways and looked towards the passenger's side of their car.

"… looks like you had a similar idea."

Ilse poked her in the side as she walked up alongside her, causing her to jump, giving a brief giggle, then winced as she flexed her back. Giving her a quick apologetic look, Ilse then turned to Annie.

"We were just screwing around for an extra day, doubted Hange would mind."

She then blinked and frowned.

"You okay?"

Blinking herself, Annie gave her a cold stare.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I know we almost just smashed into each other, but… you look… really pale. Like more than usual."

She and Sasha both cracked smiles at her joke. For a moment, Annie considered keeping it a secret. Hiding what they had found, at least until they had a conclusion reached. Then, she cursed herself as the other door of their car opened behind her.

 _No more lies. No more hiding. We can't afford to._

"Well, we… we found something. Out there."

Leaning against the hood of her car, Sasha's smile widened.

"True love?"

Barely even able to acknowledge the joke, Annie shook her head, lowering it as Mikasa walked up beside her. She sensed the confusion from her friends.

"Okay… ? You found a bat?"

Then, Ilse gasped. Annie looked up to see her staring at what Mikasa held in her arms, not looking away and appearing unable to blink. For over a minute, silence was all that passed between them before the dull thud of Sasha's knees hitting the ground resounded. Her eyes were wide and had filled with tears as her gaze drifted from the bat.

"… Mika… ?"

She didn't reply and no one else dared to say another word.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

As the world refused to stop spinning, Krista realized that a dark haze was very slowly beginning to settle on her surroundings and she sobbed, knowing what could happen if she lost consciousness. Another contraction rocked her midsection and her fingers went to it; she moaned in pain, trying to correct her focus purely to staying awake.

 _Please… please, don't let it be like this._

She didn't think her leg was broken, but it burned terribly as though it had. Unsure if she could stand on it, she realized she wasn't even in a state to attempt standing. Her vision faded in and out and she realized that if she didn't try for her phone now, she may never get another chance. It took more effort to crawl one foot than anything she had ever done before and she screamed again as a much more violent pain ripped through her midsection. In her distant thoughts, she imagined she heard a door being forced open.

Reaching for what she thought was a table leg, she grit her teeth and tried pathetically to pull herself up. She abandoned the attempt after thirty or so seconds, realizing she was not only getting nowhere, but the pain was worsening and her vision was becoming more obscured. Slumping against the table, she clutched her stomach, allowing tears to spill down her face as she started to beg in hushed tones that this wouldn't be how this turned out.

In her peripheral she saw motion, and she turned weakly. There seemed to be someone standing in the doorway, looking down at her, and as she looked back up to his face, she gave an attempt to focus the spinning world before her. And, for a brief instant, as she could perceive the person's face, she shook her head, well aware that she was hallucinating.

"You… you can't be here… you're… dead… and… "

She began crying for a completely different reason.

"… and it's yours, this child is yours and it will never be able to see its real father, not now that… "

Speaking became too hard and she closed her eyes, waiting for the trick of the mind to disappear. But, somehow, she felt arms gently wrap under her back and knees; Krista howled as she was lifted and a contraction rocked her at the same moment. She heard the voice that she should never have been able to hear again whisper.

"Don't close your eyes… don't you stop fighting… "

Blearily, she felt herself carried out of the room, out of the apartment and across the street. As he ran with her in his arms, she felt her hair in the wind as she opened her eyes again. There, his face was above her, risking glances down; when he saw her open eyes, he smiled, a reassuring and uplifting sight.

"That's it. Stay with me."

Shaking her head, she smiled back at him, truly relishing how real this dream felt.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Her heart now pounding furiously against her throat, Ymir stared up, trying desperately to imagine what this was all about. There was plenty that Hange might hold against her, but nothing to her memory that would cause her to place her at gunpoint. Nothing that she could possibly now about that is.

"Have you ever heard the phrase, 'trust goes both ways?'"

Knowing that honesty was most certainly her best bet under the circumstances, Ymir nodded as passively as she could.

"Yes."

"So please tell me… while you have worked your way up through this business, all the way to being trusted with considerably touchy information… why have you been lying to me for the past couple years?"

Now there was time to be bemused.

"What are you talking… "

"You're really going to lie? Now?"

Palms out and as pleading a gesture as she could manage, Ymir attempted her best to try and not make this any worse than it was by still trying to determine where this was coming from.

"Hange, please, just… just tell me what this is about!"

Behind her glasses, she glared down, mind clearly working furiously.

"You recall the gentleman we have in our basement?"

On ground that she now had a bearing on, Ymir nodded again.

"Yeah, head of the small group that tried ripping us off."

"I've been talking with him as the days have gone by. You would be surprised what someone so used to the modern conveniences of life will be reduced to when you force him to live and breathe shitty conditions with no rest in between. On one hand, he starts to hate you more for doing this to him and on the other, he becomes more desperate to give you anything to give you reason to relent. You see, the second hand was more tempting for Alex, and he has been spilling more and more as he spends night after night down there. Most of it tends to be useless, interesting at best. But most recently… he told me that his home computer, which we hadn't thought to even bother checking funnily enough, had something I might be interested in."

More and more of something Ymir could only identify as menace was creeping into her voice.

"He gave me the name of a video file and told me to watch it."

She stared down unblinkingly for several seconds.

"Do you want to know what that video was?'

Ymir could do little more than swallow before Hange pulled out her phone. A swipe and a few taps later and Ymir found herself looking at what appeared to be security footage from a traffic light. After only a moment of confusion, a wave of understanding, disbelief, and pain washed over her; jamming her eyes shut, she tightened her jaw.

"Alright."

The video continued to play above her and she grit her teeth.

"I GET IT!"

Sliding her phone away, Hange took her foot off of Ymir's chest and took a step backwards.

"Parents kicked you out? Live an hour or so away? Right. I suggest you start talking, now."

Scrambling to her feet, shock was doing a fine job of keeping Ymir unbalanced; she stumbled against one of the boulders and caught herself, trying to keep the world from spinning.

"How… how did… "

"I'm asking the questions."

Clarity still providing nothing in regards to peace, Ymir felt disgust begin to sour her expression. The secret she had kept the longest, the secret about the past she had all but forgotten, had returned to haunt her. More than anything, she wanted to know how ( _that slimy, miserable sack of shit_ ) the man they were holding had gotten ahold of it, but Hange was correct. She was asking the questions, and deep down, Ymir knew she was entitled to the answers. Words were spilling from her mouth before she knew it.

"Earlier than late elementary school, I don't remember shit about my life. I know that we had come from a reservation, but my mom had wanted out and had all but dragged me and my father to some small town north of the place. It was a white place, lot of people weren't happy to see us, but my dad's new boss wasn't one of them. Squared him away with a good job that paid more than half of the white men working in the town, and all that really did was give them a larger reason to hate us."

It had been so long since she had thought to these memories, yet now, they were more overwhelming than anything, even more than learning about Krista and Joe. She found herself having to lean against the boulder even to stay upright and she didn't trust herself to look at Hange.

"School got rough once I moved from elementary to middle. They were products of their parents, gave me shit constantly. Boys would ask me why I wasn't offering blowjobs behind the cafeteria, and the girls wanted nothing to do with me. One day after gym, they stole my clothes and whipped me with wet towels for ten minutes before the teacher told them to knock it off. Kids were nasty, and the teachers didn't seem interested in stopping them, all except for my science teacher. He always told the jocks off for throwing shit at me or calling me a bushnigger. I always felt I could talk to him, even more than my parents."

Recalling her teacher, a chill that she hadn't felt in years slithered along her spine.

"My dad, while making us good money, was always working. I didn't seem him hardly ever and when I did, he was always tired. My mom… started getting more and more frustrated with me. Over everything. Told me I should be getting better grades, that I wasn't trying hard enough. I tried explaining to her what it was like at school, how awful it was, but she never wanted to hear it. Said our family and kind had been living with this sort of persecution our whole life, and I needed to square up and deal with it. I don't remember exactly when I started hating her, but I remember him coming home late one night and I woke up to them having a shouting match. He was talking about how he didn't want to live here if I was having to go through school like that, and she said I didn't matter, that his job was more than enough reason to stay."

The cold was becoming numbing and it wasn't from the weather.

"Last year of middle school was hell. My dad was one of the primary businessmen in charge of closing a near-impractical branch of his small company. Put a good dozen guys out of business, most of whom happened to be white fathers. Their kids spread shit like wildfire and the year got worse by the week. I got beat up two or three times a month just for showing up, would hide in my science teacher's office during lunch. Walked four miles every day to school to avoid the bus rides, then four miles back through the woods, so they wouldn't chase me down on bikes. My mom was worse too, slapped me every time I brought up issues at school. My dad seemed like he wanted to help, but didn't know what he could do. Then, one night I… "

The words caught in her throat quickly and she felt a horrible throb in her gut.

"He came home and I managed to talk to him about everything that was happening. How terrible it was. I think… I think he believed me, but just didn't know what could be done about it. I know that now, but… then… I was so ANGRY, so SCARED of just going to school… I blew up at him, told him he was worthless as a father, was never there for me and didn't give a shit about me. Ran off to bed."

She swallowed, almost wishing Hange would just shoot her instead of forcing her to finish this story.

"He didn't come and try and talk to me, but instead of staying late to work like he always did, he went to a PTA meeting at my school. He had decided he was going to change something."

Ymir drug her fingernails across the surface of the boulder.

"One his way home… his car was ran off the road. Some amount of guys, probably fathers from the meeting, pulled him out of the car and strung him up. Body wasn't found until morning, and the lack of any sort of law enforcement we had in the town couldn't do much of anything. My mom wouldn't leave her room, other than to force me off to school, even though I was probably crying more than she was."

She realized she had slumped to the ground, without noticing.

"No one seemed to be interested in picking on me that day, but they all steered well clear of me. But I heard them. Talking about the heroes that their fathers were. Taking out a bushnigger like it was their civic duty. I wanted to attack them, but I knew that isn't what my father would have wanted. So I went to the only person who I knew I could talk to, my science teacher. He seemed… sympathetic, but odd at the same time. Told me how sorry he was. I talked and cried to him for minutes before he finally said that he… he knew how to help me feel better. I had no idea how he could, and I felt so awful that I knew I ought to just listen to him."

Hange had lowered her gun.

"He… he told me to bend over his desk and pull my pants down. I told him that seemed weird and asked how that could help, and he just said, I should trust him. So… I did."

Finally, Ymir looked up, a cold, unfeeling smile on her face as she looked back to the pale face of Hange.

"My first experience with sex was my fifty-some year old science teacher fucking me over his desk, the day after my father died."

Numb fingers feeling around for something she could hold, she kept talking, amazed she was able to.

"A few days later, my mother and I walked to the funeral home to arrange something. On the walk back, she lost it. Said I was the reason for all of this, and I knew she was right. She started hitting me and screaming. I let her do it, because I felt I deserved it. But… as she did, I realized that… she had done nothing to help. Nothing. She didn't deserve a man like my father and… I felt my hate reach a point I didn't know it could. Finally, she started walking again, told me to keep up. I found a bent tire iron on the side of the road and when she reached a traffic light, I… "

Shaking her head, she closed her eyes and let tears spill free before forcing herself to her feet, straightening and making eye contact with Hange.

"That video you have… may very well have been from one of the only security cameras in that town. It definitely didn't catch what preceded it, nor what followed. I ran, went to the house and took what I could find that I wanted and left. Ran for miles, walked for so many more. Then I found this place. Seemed like a metropolis compared to where I had lived before and I used my parents ID's to enroll myself into high school. Then… I met Krista. And Mikasa. And Ilse and… I felt for the first time like I had a place where I belonged."

She spit shakily on the ground.

"That's the truth of it, Hange. That's where my parents are. That's where I came from."

Hange's eyes were still narrowed, though her posture had become much less aggressive.

"Why did you hide it?"

"Why do you think?"

Lowering her gaze, she ground her heel on the ground, eyes looking almost regretful behind her glasses.

"I'm sorry. I truly am. But… where we are now… secrets like that can destroy us."

Ymir nodded, gaze turned down as the older woman stepped forwards.

"But… forgive me. For thinking you had any intentions other than personal ones for hiding this."

Extending a hand, she paused, then seemed to think better of it, then walked forward pulling Ymir into a hug. Ymir returned it, surprised a moment, then felt the strongest tug at her heart that she had yet felt. But this one wasn't pained.

 _I suppose I found a new mother though, didn't I…_

They separated, holding each other by the arms for several seconds, real smiles between them before Hange's phone sang out. Her personalized phone, defying the lack of service that Ymir's had was quickly answered.

"Yes? Who is… I see. I'm coming."

She closed it quickly before looking to Ymir, fresh anxiety written on her face.

"Krista. She's gone into labor."


	18. Chapter 18

_"Hello?"_

"Annie, where are you?"

 _"Heading back into town now, bumped into Sash and Ilse, they're just behind us… "_

"How far out?"

 _"Thirty or so minutes, I'd say. Hange, what's… ?"_

"Head straight to the hospital, Krista's gone into labor."

There was a brief gout of silence as Annie processed the bombshell she had just received.

 _"On our way. I'll let everyone else know."_

"Thank you."

Ending the call and dropping her phone haphazardly beside her, Hange glanced at the straightaway in the road and chose to add to the considerable speed that their speedometer was displaying. Despite the tremendous velocity their vehicle was holding, Ymir was sitting next to her, looking just as pale as she had the second the hospital had called. She seemed unable to sit still for longer than a few seconds and would keep pulling her legs up to her chest and hugging them before sliding them back down and then lowering her head, whitening her knuckles. Occasionally, she would snap her head up, as though they had reached their destination and then lean back, closing her eyes and looking like she wanted to throw up.

"We're getting close, won't be long now."

It was all Hange could do, other than generously break the speed limit, to try and calm Ymir's nerves which she knew must've been tremendously punishing right now. The only reply was a shaky nod that could have been a tremble more than anything. She hadn't uttered a word and Hange almost wished she would yell at her, scream that it was her fault that she couldn't be there for Krista, anything that wasn't this stunned silence.

"Hange?"

She turned her head so quickly, it hurt.

"Yeah?"

"What do I say?"

"How do you mean?"

"To Krista. How do I… say that I wasn't there for her. From the beginning."

That this was gnawing at her conscious enough to ask about it gave Hange a wave of nausea.

"Blame it on me. I called you in, and I drug you out into the middle of nowhere. It's on me."

"I have to do better than that. All the times she's needed me… I have to do better… "

Her voice carried off into distant mutterings and as much as she wanted to provide some sort of comfort through words, she knew that Ymir was beyond that right now. The only thing she could do at this point was rush her to the side of Krista as fast as she was able to make sure that…

"The baby is Joe's."

If she hadn't been struck so quickly with disbelief alongside it, the shock at Ymir's words might have been enough for Hange to drive them off the road. A strange thunder pounded in her ears and she felt her arms seem to grow very heavy at the wheel; looking over, she saw Ymir had stopped moving and was now staring ahead, eyes defeated and alone. All she could manage to say was,

"What?"

"It's his."

It became very obvious that this was not something she wanted to pursue any further and Hange could tell the only reason she had just said it was out of guilt at such a secret. She wanted nothing more than to know all of it, but she knew that not only had Ymir poured out more that day than she had probably been ready for, questioning was going to do nothing more now than hurt her more. In her head though, she simply couldn't wrap her head around this.

 _She told… they told everyone it was… oh, Christ, how could this happen? Did… did they talk it over and then ask him if… if he was willing to… go through with something like that? I can't see Ymir taking that at all well… and just now, it sounded like she was resentful. Was… was she cheating on her? With him? How the fuck could this have happened…_

Despite all the raging questions within her, she somehow found the inner calm to stay as in control as she was able.

"Don't… don't worry about anything like that right now. Just think about Krista. Just her."

Ymir closed her eyes and Hange tried to ignore the blood that leaked from inside her clenched fists.

"Just her… "

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

He had been waiting for far too long to feel anything resembling calm. All he had asked for was an immediate update when everything seemed to be going fine in regards to her childbirth and labor, despite being somewhat less cloudy when they had arrived, she had seemed to be in a great deal more pain and he wasn't leaving until he knew she was okay.

 _And every second, the risk is becoming higher… not just for her._

In a peculiar sense, he almost wished Dust had tagged along if only because he felt he needed a strong slap of reality. He knew they could be coming, any one of them, or all of them. Just seeing Krista again had been overwhelming, to see someone who knew him to be dead, to see someone who had not only been his friend, but whom he had trusted and whom had trusted him in return. And she had still seemed to be unaware that it was really him by the time they had reached the hospital.

 _Just… just let her be okay._

He nearly shook at the thought of seeing them again. How could he explain anything? What could he say at all? His mind nearly collapsed as he looked to the door of the waiting room and imagined… her, walking through.

 _Mikasa… I'm so sorry…_

The door next to him clicked and swung open and he launched himself to his feet so quickly that his head almost collided with the wall mounted TV resting above him. The doctor who had stepped free of the hallway gave him a look up and down before giving his head a jerk, gesturing to the hall. Glancing around at the room which was empty, Joe felt confusion amongst his anxiety as to why stepping out would be necessary, but he complied nonetheless. The hallway, for a moment was quiet, before Joe distantly heard a familiar voice, yelling in pain from not too far away. Trying not to appear aggressive or impatient, for which he was both, he hid his clenched fists in his pockets.

"How is she?"

Pushing his glasses up his nose, the doctor began speaking with a near infuriating amount of apparent apathy.

"We have her stable, for now. The child, as far as we can tell, appears in fine shape, and we would normally proceed as we would, this doesn't appear like it would be a lengthy childbirth."

He stopped speaking, clearly expecting Joe to question what he had said, which he did.

"You 'would normally proceed' makes it sound an awful lot like you don't want to proceed. Care to enlighten me?"

From down the hall, Krista gave a particularly agonized scream and Joe had to resist leaping at the doctor's throat. Seeming to sense his lividity, the doctor's eyes focused.

"Blood loss is not unexpected during the childbirth process, but your friend has lost enough at this point that it is cause for concern."

The fist of anger morphed to a hand of fear that seized his heart coldly.

"What does that mean?"

"It means, that we have to be extremely careful about how we proceed. We are very early in, and there isn't a cause for alarm thus far. We've chalked up the blood loss to a torn cervix and while it is under control, it is a risk to continue when considering how much blood could be lost by the end of the procedure."

Trying to get straight in his head what he was hearing, Joe blinked several times.

"So what you're… like, you want to do a C-section or… ?"

"We're not sure yet. Any way we go, we're taking a risk. She's a delicate, little woman and anything we do will need to be done extra carefully, we can't imagine that beyond… "

The doctor continued talking, but Joe had drowned him out; he had narrowed in on the words that were important.

 _Torn cervix… blood loss… risk…_

"How much has she lost?"

Seeming only slightly annoyed of being cut off, the doctor tilted his head to indicate an estimation.

"Not quite a pint. Again, she isn't a large person, so the more she's lost… "

He trailed off and there was a reserved apology on his face, one that Joe had seen before. A face that was sorry, but was telling him there was nothing he could do.

"Now, if you'll pardon me, I really ought to get back in there."

In an instant, a thousand thoughts rushed through his mind as the doctor began to turn back down the hall towards where Krista lay in considerable pain. Looking past the doctor's head, he saw a red exit sign hovering several meters away. He thought to just leave, get away while he was able, disappear like nothing had happened. He had done his good deed, there was no reason to think that there was a reason he needed to stick around and make things worse.

 _Since… I always do seem to make things worse._

It would be over, he could vanish, Krista never did seem to really comprehend it was him, he was safe. This wasn't a part of his life, not anymore. But as he took a single step towards the door, an image crossed his mind of Ymir, on her knees and wailing over Krista's lifeless body as a machine blared a flat line.

Then, the decision stopped being a decision.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Annie remained seated in the waiting room, legs crossed and fingers laced around her knee, doing her best to stay as calm as she was always normally so capable of doing. Beside her, Mikasa sat elbows on her knees and staring down blankly. She had almost flat out refused to let the bat be pried out of her fingers, almost as though she believed it would disappear the minute it left them, but Annie had convinced her that bringing it into the hospital could arouse some unwanted attention and could get them into trouble.

 _Besides… Sasha already has that well under control._

She glanced towards the hall that connected to the waiting room where the two voices of a doctor and her friend shouted at each other in no uncertain terms. Ilse was near the door, and had appeared as though she wanted to rush in as well, but knew of the futility of it and instead had her arms pressed against the wall along with her forehead. Above them, the light flickered almost maddeningly as it had been as the clock ticked minute after minute after minute.

The four of them had arrived at the hospital roughly an hour or so ago and this hadn't been Sasha's first offense when it came to demanding to see Krista. Where Hange and Ymir were was anyone's guess, but Annie imagined that hell itself was backing away to allow them passage to the building. The tension that already lay in the room was awful, it wasn't difficult for Annie to imagine everyone's guts doing backflips. Everyone wanted to help, but no one was able to do anything. It was a position they were not used to being, being somewhere where they were powerless to make any difference.

The door opened and Sasha stepped though looking less defeated, and more agonized.

"He said… he said there's nothing any of us can do, to just stay put… he… he said that I'd only make things worse… I just… I just want to see her… "

She wasn't crying, but Annie could tell that she was somewhat close; to her surprise, it was Mikasa who stood and wrapped her arms around the brunette, not Ilse, who didn't move from her place by the wall.

"Shh… she'll be okay… she's a fighter… "

"It doesn't… it doesn't feel right, not with someone not being in there, even if it isn't Ymir… she should have SOMEONE… "

Annie interjected as lightly as she was able.

"The doctors know what they're doing… if they don't think that anyone should be in there, then we owe that to them."

Sasha looked so completely hopeless that it was honestly hard not to feel bad for her.

"I just… just want someone to be there for her when she's going through this… "

Mikasa sat her down on the couch next to her, and while Annie could see the compassion in her eyes, mixed with concern for Krista and the baby, the eyes betrayed the same stormclouds that had been looming in her gaze ever since that morning. Closing her own eyes, Annie briefly lowered her head into her hands, driving her fingers deeply to massage her neck.

 _What the hell has this day turned into..._

First the camper and now this. It seemed almost too much of a coincidence that both these events had transpired within such little time between. But any desire that Annie had to investigate what they had found was diminished substantially; all that mattered right now was Krista.

The door banged open sharply and the two faces Annie had needed to see for what felt like forever burst in. Ymir's face was deathly cold and white; she looked as though she had just witnessed the most horrible thing a person could witness and was being forced to act as though nothing was wrong. She immediately looked to the door, not even so much as acknowledging any of them. Hange's face was much more alive, albeit fearful. Annie stood as the older woman pointed to the door.

"She back there?"

Annie nodded and before she had even finished the motion, Ymir had stormed right past her, nearly wrenching the door off of its hinges as she did, Hange closely behind her.

"Ymir, wait!"

In the likelihood that Ymir would need restraining, Annie walked swiftly after them, allowing herself a quick moment to place a hand on Ilse's shoulder. The girl had looked away from the wall, but looked sick to her stomach and ready to collapse. Giving her shoulder a brief squeeze, Annie entered the hallway looking around swiftly and saw Ymir holding a young nurse against the wall by the throat. She ran up, but stopped as Hange extended a hand to stop her; freezing, she stood no less aggressively as the older woman spoke quietly and firmly in Ymir's ear.

"Don't do something like this… don't do something you'll regret… "

Ymir had her face alight with a furious snarl.

"She belongs to you, right? Works for you, right? So tell her to GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY!"

The nurse gasped for breath as she spoke as best she was able.

"Please… the baby is almost out, just let her finish and then you can see her… "

"I NEED TO BE THERE FOR HER NOW!"

Suddenly, with more aggression than Annie had ever seen, Hange swung an arm around, knocking Ymir's hands from the nurse and wrapped her in a tight bearhug. Ymir began struggling almost immediately before Hange's voice, speaking with a coldness that made Annie almost jealous, stopped her movements.

"Here's what will happen. Ymir, you will get control of yourself now."

After several painful seconds, the brunette seemed to relax, though fire still danced in her eyes.

"Now, Helen, escort her to her girlfriend. She will be there when the baby is delivered."

The nurse seemed shocked that she was so quickly overridden, but a deadly glare held her tongue at bay; Hange released Ymir and the nurse gestured.

"This way."

The pair walked away and Ymir looked back, if only briefly, with something resembling gratitude. Then they were around the corner and out of sight. Breathing heavily, Hange stared after them for several seconds before walking back Annie's way. The blonde could only hold her disbelief so much.

"Why did you do that?! We've talked to several nurses and a doctor and they all say that Krista doesn't need visitors during this… not ANYONE! Why would you let her do that?!"

Hange had a very strange look in her eyes as she walked slowly back to the waiting room.

"Ymir has lost enough today. I won't deny her this, too."

Annie was left standing in the cold white light of the hall, pondering what the older woman could possibly mean.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

On one hand, the hall to Krista's room was almost gratefully short. On the other, when Ymir was ushered in by the nurse, she immediately knew she wasn't ready for the sight, or sound, that greeted her. The first thing she was able to experience was a terrifically pained and drawn out scream from Krista while a pair of white suits worked between her legs, speaking in tongues Ymir was not capable of understanding at that time. The only thing she could do was stare at her girlfriend, lying on the bed and looking to be in more pain than anyone she had ever seen.

Her upper body seemed to be rocking continuously except when she was asked to push, which was when she leaned back and jammed her eyes shut, either howling as loud as Ymir had ever heard, or screaming against closed teeth. Her breath came deep and fast as though she was close to hyperventilating and her fingers clutched at the bedding with a death grip. The nurse moved quickly to the doctor who appeared to be in charge and did not look happy to see Ymir in the room. She muttered something quickly in his ear, which she couldn't make out over Krista and he grit his teeth, giving her a dirty look before pushing up his glasses. He spoke fairly loudly to make himself heard.

"Stay by her left side. Do NOT get in the way."

It was all Ymir could do to obey; she quickly scrambled to the side, past a nurse and dropped to her knees. Krista didn't seem to even notice her as she screamed again. Her hair was matted against her shoulders and pillow with sweat and her face was soaked with the same, as well as tracks where tears had made their way. Ymir almost didn't trust herself to speak, which she did, somehow loud enough to be heard.

"He… hey, Krista? Baby, it's me."

Rolling her head in between deep, painful breaths, the blonde looked over and blinked several times as though unable to see Ymir looking up at her with fear ever present. Then, fresh tears broke free.

"Oh, Ymir… you… you're here… "

"Yeah… yeah, course I am, girl… "

"I… Ymir, it hurts… so much… "

"I know it does, I know it does, but… "

From the foot of the bed, a nurse spoke kindly, but sternly.

"I need you to push, honey!"

Krista grit her teeth and jammed her eyes shut, wailing against them as her whole body seemed to shake.

"Again!"

"I… I can't… oh fuck… I can't… "

Ymir flashed out her hand and took Krista's which was soaked in sweat.

"Hey, hey, I know this sucks, girl, but you gotta push… you gotta… "

"I can't… please… "

"Baby."

Krista looked down, fear and pain written all over her face.

"You can."

Their eyes locked and Ymir thought she would deny it again. But instead, she furrowed her brow almost angrily, and screamed again as she complied with the nurse's orders. Ymir held her hand, refusing to let go and gave her as much encouragement as she was able. It hurt her so much to see Krista in this much pain, but she knew this needed to happen. For minutes, it continued, Krista pushing and breaking, pushing and breaking; Ymir's left leg fell asleep which she only briefly acknowledged.

"Push!"

Krista squeezed Ymir's hand so hard, it hurt.

"Push!"

By now, she couldn't believe her girlfriend's voice had given out yet.

"Push!"

There was another howl and Krista's whole body shook against the bed and Ymir could do nothing more than appear as calm as she was able, to be reassuring as she could. From what she had been told, Krista had already been in here for hours.

 _How long has she been enduring this? How long have I not been here for her when she needed me? How..._

And then, like something out of a dream, a rising cry of something not previously able to do so broke the air as Krista panted desperately towards the ceiling. The nurses worked quickly beyond Ymir's sight for several moments before the one on the right straightened, holding something in her arms. Gasping for air and giving Ymir's hand another squeeze, Krista attempted to sit up to see what was nothing other than a wet, red, and crying infant. Ymir could only stare, not able to believe what had happened. What was happening.

"Krista… it's a girl."

Giving a noise that was part relief, part shock and part joy, Krista's shaking arms went up, her hand leaving Ymir's to pull her child towards her. The nurse gently released her grip, watching carefully in case the blonde were to drop it, but she did nothing of the sort. Ymir could do nothing more than stare as the baby stopped crying when Krista's arms wrapped around it. Staring up, eyes widening and narrowing, it stared at the face of the person who had just delivered it into the world. Making a noise that was both a hiccup and a sigh, it reached out with a tiny hand, little clenched fist extending into fingers. Staying put for several seconds, it then closed the gap between them and brushed her cheek. Krista gave an exhausted, wet laugh as fresh tears spilled down her face and the nurses made reserved noises of adoration. She held it, not appearing able to do anything else and Ymir realized that she couldn't even speak herself.

 _It's… it's a baby. Her baby. Our baby. Oh Christ, how…_

"Hey… Ymir… ?"

She looked up to see a weak and drained Krista looking to her, a faint smile on her face.

"We're… we're parents… "

Feeling disbelief at the words, Ymir laughed along with her, the baby looking between them, appearing almost confused.

"Krista… oh, God… thank you… "

She brought her head up to press herself against Krista's wet lips which trembled against hers. Her heart, which had since been racing so strongly against her, finally began to slow, though it still pounded so strongly against her neck. She extended her own hand and touched the baby's cheek and she felt herself moan as she felt the warmth of its body.

 _A child. MY child..._

"I love you... so much... "

Krista's voice in her ear sent waves of affection stabbing at her gut and Ymir's eyes filled with tears.

"I love you too... no matter what... "

Krista's eyelids flickered.

"It's… it's… "

Her body quaked and her eyes shut and the doctor swept over as the nurse gently took the baby from her arms. It immediately appeared to be more distressed.

"Krista… are you alright? How do you feel?"

Amazed that a doctor would need to ask this, Ymir held her tongue as she bit back a savage reply of her own. Krista was breathing deeply and looked more tired than anyone Ymir had ever seen.

"I'm… I'm fine… maybe… I could just… "

Seeming to come to some conclusion, the doctor nodded and gestured at Ymir to stand up. Still in enough shock to override any denial of his order, she stood slowly, her sleeping leg stinging.

"She needs rest immediately. She's already seen more than enough for childbirth, more than she should have needed to."

Ymir didn't want to leave, but as she looked down at a face that was exhausted, pained, and looking to be already sleep, she felt it was time to leave. As the nurses attended delicately to the baby, the doctor pushed his glasses up his nose and sighed.

"You may tell her friends that they may come in and look on her now, if they'd like, through the glass."

He gestured to the long window that stood between the room and the hall.

"But no one can come in. I request that you pass that along, they both need their rest."

Ymir assumed he was referring to the baby and Krista.

"Alright."

He sighed again.

"I've never been one to believe in miracles, but if he hadn't been willing to give blood, I don't know what we'd have done."

It took Ymir's shocked state several seconds to comprehend what he had just said.

"He?"

"Yes, he."

The doctor gestured to a bed beside Krista's that she hadn't even noticed.

"He brought her in, said he was a friend. When I told her she was losing an amount of blood enough to be concerning, he immediately asked that we use his. Tested him quickly and strapped him in. Gave her the blood she needed and the result was a healthy and successful childbirth."

He frowned and looked over.

"Do you know who he is, perhaps? He never identified himself, but we'll need his information, for the records obviously."

Ymir heard this through a roaring that was slowly growing in her ears. Her body was growing numb. Her breath came in unevenly. Her whole body rejected what she saw along with her mind. She stared at the bed, at who lay unconscious in it, and the world began to spin.

 _How… how… that's not… that isn't… it…_

A tear finally slid down her cheek.


	19. Chapter 19

The walk out of the room and back down the hall was short, taking only about a dozen steps to complete. But each step sent thousands of roaring emotions through her head, enough to make the brief journey seem like it lasted forever.

 _He's alive._

That wasn't something she felt capable of denying. She should have been, every ounce of her will tried to direct her to reject what she had just seen, but for whatever reason, it wasn't happening. It had been so gut wrenching, so numbing to see his body when the last time she had seen him, the back of his head had been missing.

 _He's alive. Somehow._

How? How had he defied death? Clear as day, they had all witnessed him move the gun towards where it had been, and pull the trigger. They had all the heard the gunshot and watched as the screen had flashed white for the briefest instant. They had seen the aftermath and known what it had meant. Yet here he was.

 _He saved her. He saved them._

While the only thing that should have been registering in her head was the fact that he was alive, her consciousness kept drifting to that singularly painful fact.

 _He was there for her when I wasn't._

Despite everything that had happened, he had been there for her when she needed someone. He had taken her to the hospital and had given her an ample amount of his own blood in order to help her see the childbirth through. Somehow, the very thought of his blood running in her sent fury through her veins. She should have been grateful. She should have been relieved.

 _He saved her, and he was dead._

Rage cut into her and she clenched her fists so tightly that they started to lose feeling.

 _He should be dead._

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Another hour had ticked by since Hange and Ymir had made their entrance and the latter been allowed access to where they all only wished they could be, and Annie's nerves hadn't calmed a bit. She was at least able to take solace in the fact that she was doing better than what appeared to be literally everyone else, who had found different ways of dealing with the stress that was running laps around the room. Sighing and blowing her hair out of her face, she sat up and scratched the back of her head.

Hange had been sitting almost perfectly still, save for tracing the outline of her right hand with the pointer finger of her left, over and over. Annie also noticed that she hadn't seen their boss blink since she had arrived. Ilse had finally come away from the wall, but had refused to sit in any of the chairs and instead had wrapped her arms around her folded knees, lowering her head into them. Sasha had resorted to picking at the back of her hand, and it wasn't until Annie had noticed the blood dripping down her hand that she had pointed it out to Mikasa who had took her hands and held them still and allowed Sasha to rest her head on her shoulder while they held each other quietly.

 _How much longer… ?_

It was foolish to even bother asking the same question they were all wondering. But Annie found there was little to nothing she could do to occupy her mind. Her fear was the only thing that was capable of dwelling within her, it thundered through her stronger than anything else could have.

 _If something goes wrong…_

The door swung open and they all collectively recoiled; the lack of any real movement of noise in the room up until then was enough for even that simple act to give them cause to jump. They were all on their feet by the time Ymir had even taken a step through.

"Is… is… ?"

"How is she?"

"Is it… over… ?"

For several seconds, she did nothing more than stare forward at none of them in particular. Then, she twitched her head up to look around as though just realizing all of her friends standing around her, looking at her as though the fate of the world depended on what she was about to say.

"I… I uh… "

Ilse took a step forward and tentatively reached for her shoulder. Her eyes were fearful and imploring as she spoke for all of them.

"… the baby… ?"

Everyone tensed as Ymir looked around, blinking quickly as though wondering why they were asking.

"Oh… oh, yeah. Baby's fine. Krista's fine."

Sasha inhaled sharply as though she hadn't taken breath in years, before practically collapsing against Mikasa, whose knees buckled slightly as well, color returning to her face. Hange, an enormous smile spreading across her face, leaned back and closed her eyes, face turned skywards. She said nothing, save for a small sigh. Her hand falling from Ymir's shoulder, Ilse backed into the wall, looking as though she was having trouble breathing herself. Annie herself bumped into a chair as she processed what she had heard, relief and happiness flooded through her. But she couldn't help but notice, as Sasha and Ilse crossed her sight, hugging and laughing, that Ymir's face was not as it should be.

Shock was one thing. It could play with a person's perception of the world around them, make them unaware of something they had just been made aware of or discovered. Anyone could have passed the look on Ymir's face as one of shock. But Annie was not anyone.

 _What happened… ?_

Her face looked dead, she barely even seemed to be breathing. Her eyes were tired, but something was raging behind them. Taking a small step forward, Annie realized she couldn't pinpoint what that emotion was. Beside her, Hange spoke for the first time in a while.

"Is she asleep?"

"Yeah, yeah. You can't go in, but you can look in and see her, if you want."

Ymir gestured behind her while she talked and Annie had a difficult time not equating her movements to that of a robot. Her words sounded just as robotic, but no one seemed to notice much as they filed towards the door. Annie was the last one through and was not even noticed as she stopped to look to Ymir, who was still staring forward, no semblance of intelligence or awareness in her eyes. Swallowing, the blonde shook her head and strode after the others, listening to the low, excited chatter as she caught up.

"I can't believe it. A baby."

"I don't think any of us can… "

"God, I hope it wasn't too bad for her… "

"Sash, giving birth is one of the most painful things a human can experience, do you really… ?"

"I was just saying, Ilse, Christ… "

"Just hope she gets a good… "

Annie, who had her head down, was just looking up to see what had caused the lull in the conversation before she ran directly into Ilse's back. Rubbing her nose in annoyance, she opened her mouth to voice such, when she realized they were up alongside a long window looking into a hospital room. Everyone ahead of her had collectively frozen, and she elbowed her way through to get a glimpse at what her friends were looking at.

Krista lay nearly completely still, the slow rise and fall of her chest the only sign that she was even functional. Sweat had dried on her hair, holding it against her shoulders and pillow and there was still red in her cheeks from the ordeal she had just gone through. The machines blinked normally, indicating the peace that hopefully flowed in her heart while she slept and Annie felt a small smile slide onto her face at the sight.

Then, she looked to the left.

 _No._

The shock pulsed through her forehead and she blinked to clear her vision which blurred temporarily.

 _No._

She felt someone slump against her, hand on her shoulder, but she couldn't look over to see who it was. She didn't care.

 _Please, no._

Her hands started to twitch ever so slightly as she tried to process what she was feeling. There should have been so much in her that was screaming for answers, but she couldn't fathom anything past the numbness that quaked her very bones.

 _How…_

It wasn't until Sasha let out a noise that was pure shock and agony given a voice that Annie finally was able to take in a breath. She realized it had been Ilse who had been holding her shoulder, and she took her grip off and staggered to the corner of the hall where she stopped, fell to one knee, and retched horribly. Since screaming, Sasha had pressed both hands to the glass, eyes wide and spilling tears. It took Annie a strong amount of willpower to turn and look to Mikasa.

Her friend could have been a statue, there was nothing on her face that gave any sign of how she could have been feeling, but there was something in her eyes. Something boiling, something churning, something… but there was nothing Annie knew she could do. No one seemed able to form any words, and it was possible that no one wanted to.

"He was there for her."

She turned to see Ymir standing behind them, arms crossed. She still seemed to move like a machine, but now, her eyes were narrowed and depressed.

"He brought her here."

Sasha spun, anger mixing with the tears.

"Stop."

"He brought her here and saved her with his blood."

"Stop!"

"He was here for her, and he was dead."

Practically falling into her, Sasha staggered into Ymir, hitting her over and over with a weak fist.

"STOP! THAT'S NOT HIM!"

Ymir didn't seem to notice as Ilse attempted to stand and then collapsed against the wall, moaning.

"IT'S NOT! IT'S NOT!"

It became clear she was trying to convince herself more than anyone and Annie looked through the glass again.

He was there, plain as day. Just as Krista was, he was very still and breathed very slowly and deeply. His face was much paler than hers, and, Annie couldn't have been sure, but there seemed to be a very small smile playing at the sides of his face.

Beside her, Ymir finally grit her teeth and grabbed Sasha by the wrists and held her still.

"Stop. t's him."

"NO! NO, IT ISN'T! HE'S DEAD!"

As though this had only just occurred to her, Ymir walked past her and up to the glass, brow furrowed in what could have been confusion as she did nothing more than blink and whisper.

"Yeah. He is, isn't he?"

Ilse retched again as Sasha threw herself up against the window, driving a fist into it.

"FUCK HIM! HE'S DEAD, THAT'S NOT HIM! HE KILLED HIMSELF!"

She pummeled it again, producing a long hollow thud; Krista and… whoever was next to her seemed to be in far too deep a sleep to be bothered with such noise.

"FUCK YOU, YOU PIECE OF SHIT! I MOURNED FOR YOU! I WISH EVERY NIGHT THAT I HAD DIED INSTEAD! YOU'RE… YOU'RE NOT HIM!"

Next to them a door swung open and the doctor from earlier marched out, eyes wide and angry, two nurses beside him. Identifying the source of the disruption, he marched forward, pointing furiously.

"I told you, they both need their rest! Did you not pass that on?!"

Ymir only turned to slowly look at him, eyes confused. Sasha howled and hit the glass again, expletives flying from her mouth. The doctor stepped forward again, face taking on a very particular shade of red.

"If you do not quiet yourself immediately, I will have you all removed from… "

Mikasa's hand flashed out very quickly and had him by the throat in the time it took Annie to blink. Her tone was so civil, so calm, that it may have been terrifying.

"The young man in there. Who is he?"

She released his windpipe just enough for him to choke back an answer.

"He's… we don't know… never got his name… "

Giving a roar, Sasha knocked Mikasa's hand aside and seized the man herself, driving him into the wall.

"THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN?! WHO THE FUCK IS HE?!"

He could only sputter the same sounding reply and the nurses ran forward to try and free him from the brunette's crazed grip; the one under Hange's payroll turned to her, fear in her eyes.

"Please, tell her to stop!"

It wasn't until now that Annie realized Hange had not moved. At all. She wasn't moving, she wasn't blinking, she didn't even seem to be breathing. She definitely didn't acknowledge what was happening directly beside her. Down the hall in the opposite direction, another door swung open and three orderlies came out, looking for the source of the racket. Seeing what was occurring, they broke into a sprint, tearing down the hallway and finally tackling Sasha. She went to the ground and fought hard against them, cursing them and their families and fired a racist slur at the single black orderly who hit her in the gut hard enough for her to shout in pain.

It was then that Annie realized how little she was doing herself. She hadn't moved much, she was still held in place by no small amount of shock, but as she watched Sasha being forced to the ground, she finally realized that this could end badly. Turning, her voice cracking, she shouted.

"Hange!"

The moment her name was uttered, the older woman turned to the spectacle and looked thoroughly unsurprised or concerned. She glanced to the doctor who was massaging his throat and digging for air.

"Tell them to take her to one of the empty rooms that hasn't been purposed yet."

He glared at her for a long moment before relaying the command reluctantly. They seemed unsure that the doctor had taken orders from this woman, but they complied and hauled Sasha to her feet. They dragged her down the hall and her screams began to die away the further away she got. Hange turned to the rest of them.

"We are going with them."

When no one seemed to move, she clarified, her voice dripping with a menace that Annie had never heard before.

"Now."

Mikasa turned to look at her, still blank and uncaring before Hange grabbed her by the arm and started to drag her off; as she walked she turned back to the rest of them.

"Annie, get Ilse. Ymir, let's go."

Giving an indifferent shrug, something so unlike how she should have been feeling, Ymir shoved her hands in her pockets.

"Sure thing, boss."

Without even so much as a glance at her friend, she walked after them. Annie swallowed hard and with effort, regained control of her motor skills. Turning, she bent next to Ilse who was staring at the ground, eyes wide and mouth agape.

"Hey, let's go."

"He… he… he… "

"Ilse, c'mon, now."

"How… how could he… what… "

Realizing that she may very well have been unable to comprehend what she was saying, Annie grabbed her as Hange had took Mikasa and pulled her up, dragging her after the others. As Ilse continued to babble quietly, Annie took one more glance back into the room and then had to resist the urge to vomit herself.

…

…

…

The room was square, well lit, and white, with nothing inside other than the light fixtures above them. They all filed in before the orderlies threw Sasha after them. Giving her one last terrified look, the doctor looked to Hange.

"I know I work for you. I know what you are. But please… don't let that happen again. I will call security."

As though he was scared to see her reply, he swept out of the room and closed the door behind him an instant before Sasha crashed against it, shaking the room.

"GET BACK HERE, YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKER! YOU GET BACK HERE NOW AND TELL ME WHO… "

With an unusual show of violent force, Hange took Sasha by the hair and sent her staggering into the back wall. As the brunette made to rebound viciously, she bellowed one word.

"ENOUGH!"

Stopping dead, Sasha glared at her, doing nothing more than breathing heavily. Hange slowly lifted a single finger.

"We are going to figure this out, right now. Calmly."

Annie realized that her voice was shaking. Their boss turned away, clasping her hands and facing the corner.

"We… we all saw that. Just now. Someone else in that room."

Ilse, Ymir and Sasha spoke all at once.

"How could it be him… ?"

"It was him."

"He's dead!"

Hange's hand went up to cut them all off, she turned to Mikasa and all eyes followed. The raven-haired girl looked back and Annie could see whatever had been behind her eyes had grown.

"Was it him?"

The short question was enough to catch everyone's breath as they waited for Mikasa to reply. She looked so painfully nonchalant that it was impossible to tell what she was about to say.

"Looked like him."

"Was it. Him."

Mikasa looked up and now, there was true anger on her face.

"I. Don't. Know."

Not skipping a beat, Hange turned to Ymir.

"Did you get a better look at him? See him awake?"

She shook her head, looking blank.

"No. Didn't notice him until right before I walked out. He was there. He had… had saved her. He had driven her here, given her blood, been her when I wasn't… "

"So you don't know if it… "

"WHO THE FUCK ELSE COULD IT BE?!"

Ymir's face had come alive with fury. That same fury seemed to have drained from Sasha, who had slumped against the wall and was now crying quietly.

"DON'T YOU GET IT, HANGE?! HE'S ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR US! EVEN WHEN HE'S FUCKING DEAD, HE'S THERE FOR US! HE WAS THERE FOR US THAT DAY ON THE RIDGE! HE WAS THERE FOR US THAT NIGHT AT THE BORDER! HE WAS THERE FOR US WHEN WE ALMOST WENT TO WAR WITH LEVI! HE. HAS ALWAYS. BEEN THERE. AND NOW… "

Seeming to have forgotten how to breath, she fell back into the door as Ilse wailed into the crook of her arm

"And now, he was there for Krista."

Looking up, Ilse gasped through her sobbing.

"We saw him die! We WATCHED as he shot himself, for Christ's sake! How can he be here now?!"

Sasha was now punching the ground, muttering the word "no" every time her fist met it. Hange herself now seemed incapable of processing whatever was happening.

"I don't understand… he was there. To bring Krista here, to deliver your baby… "

"NO."

Of all the things, Ymir could have protested, Annie didn't expect that. Ymir's eyes were closed and her fists were tight.

"No more lies. Everyone should know. The baby… it's Joe's."

Sasha and Ilse both stopped crying to look up and stare at her, mouths open and faces with fresh shock written upon them. Hange, who must have known this, looked back with tight lips. And Annie finally couldn't handle what she was hearing and backed against a wall, allowing herself to slide down and let her head fall into her hands.

 _This… none of this can be real. None of it. The baby isn't his. He's not alive. This… this is all a dream. That's all it can be…_

"What did you say?"

She looked up to see that Mikasa had closed the distance between her and Ymir. It had finally boiled over; her eyes were now aglow with something Annie didn't even want to look at. She instead looked at Ymir which didn't help matters. She had a sick grin on her face that contrasted terribly with the tears that now streaked down her cheeks.

"I said. Joe fucked Krista. And got her pregnant."

This was too much for Ilse, who covered her face with her hands and keeled over, shaking and sobbing silently, completely giving up any hope of trying to handle what she was hearing. For a moment, the two stared at each other, both furious, one likely in shock and the other in a potentially maddened state.

"You… you're lying. He didn't, he's not… "

"The father? Yeah, he is. Believe me, I know."

Mikasa turned away, eyes downturned and face very slowly beginning to show the rage that was singing in her veins. Annie realized that this should have been the point where she got between them, but she couldn't will herself to move. Hange as well, had leaned against a wall and was slowly rocking, eyes jammed shut as though she was trying to wake up.

"You're… you're fucking lying… "

In a completely spastic movement, Ymir's hand flashed out and slapped her across the face.

"What's the matter? Can't believe that he got someone pregnant that wasn't you?"

Mikasa seemed to be speechless as she stared back at Ymir's wild eyes.

"Because you never bothered to just fess up and tell him how you feel, not until WEEKS after you should've, my love and yours got a nice hotel room, stripped down, and fucked like rabbits."

A fresh tear slid down Ymir's face as her smile widened.

"And you thought you were the only one of us whoever took his cum."

Giving a bellow that seemed to come from a different dimension entirely, Mikasa swung a fist hard enough to send Ymir crashing into a wall. Straightening, she felt briefly at the cut that now bled above her right eye. Then, she smiled again.

"Ever thought you could maybe have kids with him?"

"THAT BABY ISN'T HIS!"

Ymir didn't try dodging the next swing which sent her reeling the other way; instead, she just kept talking.

"Well, even though you weren't his first, looks like maybe you have another chance… "

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

The next hit opened a cut on her cheek.

"Go on, he's right that way, dead man walking…. Better climb aboard and take him while he's sleeping… "

A savage kick sent her to the ground; Ymir laughed so long and hysterically then that even Mikasa, who looked furious enough to throw a train, froze with her fist clenched. Ymir's laugh continued, then trickled off into a much quieter sound. It was then that Annie realized she was crying.

"Please… just fucking kill me… I don't deserve her… I don't deserve a child… just end it… "

There was a soft thud as Hange dropped to the floor as well, cradling her head and still appearing oblivious to what was happening around her. Mikasa's eyes remained wide, but suddenly, the anger flushed out of them and she dropped to her knees beside Ymir.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't… you're not… you deserve it, what are you… "

"No… I don't… I never have… "

"Ymir, don't… "

"Mika, listen please… you may not believe me, you may never, but that kid is his. It always will be."

Mikasa pulled up Ymir's head and held her, once again appearing completely speechless. Quiet settled on the room, the only sound being crying coming from Ymir, Sasha, and Ilse. Then, gently putting her down, Mikasa rose to her feet, eyes glowing with a frantic craze.

"He's not… it can't be him… I won't… I WON'T!"

And she bolted for the door and staggered out into the hallway. Finally, finding the strength to move, Annie grit her teeth and lunged after her. She found time to look back at her friends; Ilse had crawled to Sasha and they leaned into each other, crying quietly and not seeming to have the strength to hold each other. It was then Annie realized just what they had been reduced to.

 _This power… how does he have this power over us? No… it's not him._

Feeling fresh vigor rush into her body, she sprinted after her friend down the way they had come. Moving at the speed they did, they reached the room in a matter of seconds. And as Annie caught up to Mikasa who hadn't charged into the room like she expected, she stopped alongside her, breathing heavily and staring through, she imagined she would have been numb to shock by now. But there, as they stared at the two empty beds that had been occupied not minutes ago, she felt another wave of disbelief strike her as Mikasa gave a roar that shook the very walls of the hospital.


	20. Chapter 20

He really wanted to do nothing more than sleep.

It was likely a collection of factors that caused him to gently ease from the blanket of sleep; the soft rumble of what must've been an engine, the very slight bouncing his body was presently undergoing, the laughter and swearing that was only muffled slightly, the uncomfortable position his body was jammed in. Beyond these variables, which he barely chose to acknowledge, he wanted just to drift off; his body felt exhausted, but, angrily, he felt his mind start to come alive. And just as he jammed his eyes shut, though it was pitch black anyway, a flood of memories hit him.

He remembered his aching longing to see someone from his life again, he remembered driving hours through the early morning and arriving at their living space, he remembered hearing her in pain and then forcing himself inside to learn what the noise was, he remembered panicking and getting her to the hospital as quickly as he could, he remembered wanting to snap the doctor's head off before demanding they use his blood to help her. After that, he had only known her screams, a stick in his arm, and then a gradual fade to blackness.

 _And now, here I am._

Through a few seconds, he deduced he was likely in the trunk of a moving vehicle and he realized that there was a warmth by his legs which indicated that someone alive was by his legs.

 _Or was alive._

As he very slowly began to recess into a state of claustrophobia and panic, he managed some soft shaky breaths and tried to picture what the best course of action should be. He ran through several scenarios in his head, each one less plausible than the last. As greater worry began to eat at his gut, he started to feel more and more…

" _Sasha, why are we just sitting here?"_

 _She looked around and gave him one of her smiles._

" _What? You don't like sitting under a tree with me?"_

 _Gesturing around at the nature that they were encompassed by, she stretched and gave a contented sigh._

" _Surrounded by this natural beauty? Where the only sound is us breathing? Where… "_

" _Hange said we were coming out here to find and kill one of her floor workers who has been stealing and hiding product. But we're not looking for him. We're just sitting here. Are you intentionally trying to… "_

 _Sliding over to close the short distance between them, she pressed her shoulder against him and threw a leg onto his lap, completely inhibiting his ability to speak._

" _You need to relax, you're so uptight all the time. It's been a couple months now, and while you've gotten better working with us, you also just can't seem to unwind."_

" _I'm not here to unwind, I'm here to work, that's why we… "_

 _Placing a hand over his mouth, she shook her head._

" _Mika ain't gonna date you if you keep doping around like a stick in the mud. Though you seem to be getting on pretty well with her anyway… "_

" _I don't… what are you… I'm not… "_

 _She giggled and he wished he hadn't opened his mouth._

" _Joseph, I want you to do something for me."_

" _Okay."_

" _Think about this tree we're sitting under."_

" _Alright."_

" _It's been here for a very long time. More years than mine and your life put together. It's seen its share of sun, snow, rain, wind, and through all of that, it hasn't wavered. It's been standing here, waiting, all the way until now, the present, and we're sitting under it."_

" _Okay."_

" _If this tree can stay put for so long through so much, how can you complain about being here for only thirty minutes?"_

" _I'm not a fucking tree."_

 _She huffed._

" _Think about it, will you? Just try and imagine what about this tree makes it the way it is, the way it stands as… "_

" _Yeah, I mean, the more I sit here, the more I start to really, uh… you know, not care about this tree."_

 _Rolling her eyes, she leaned back and sighed._

" _Maybe someday we'll get to you. I just can't believe that… "_

 _Suddenly, she cut herself off quickly enough to make him look over._

" _What's… "_

 _Grabbing his shoulders, she shoved him forward to land flat on his back behind a bush and then leapt on top of him. Staring off above his head, he tried to prevent his face from growing red._

" _Sash, what is… "_

" _Shh."_

 _Pressing down further upon him, she held a hand over his mouth. For close to a minute, the silence held the air. Then, she slowly lowered her head, without looking up to whisper,_

" _Are you actually getting hard right now?"_

 _He started to blurt out a furious response, before she put a hand over his mouth again; behind it, he hissed back._

" _No."_

 _She moved her thigh questionably against him, and he growled angrily as she smiled._

" _Okay."_

" _Why are we… "_

" _Shh."_

 _He was starting to get angry with his lack of knowing anything, but as he fumed silently, he realized that he could very faintly hear what sounded to be footsteps. Seconds ticked by and the steps grew more audible and before long, a very nervous looking man could be seen making his way along the path they had been sitting off of. While he was upside down, Joe didn't need any better of a view to know that this was who they were there for. Sasha's lips brushed his ear, sending a shiver down his spine._

" _Hope you learned something."_

 _The man didn't seem to be in any hurry, but he seemed intent to look over his shoulder every second._

" _Can you get him?"_

 _He blinked in surprise as he watched the man stop thirty meters down the path and lean down to his right, digging around with his hands._

" _Upside down?"_

" _Yeah."_

 _She looked down at him and he let the first smile of the day slide onto his face._

Allowing himself to take a deep breath, he let calm enter his veins. He did his best to ignore the pounding nerves which were becoming more and more powerful, and closed his eyes.

And terribly unlike him, he decided to be patient.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Dimo Reebs had long since ceased being a man given to the naivety that those entering the political sphere may have held very close to their respective beliefs. Being mayor of the small city had taught him a great many things, none of which did much to bolster his confidence in his fellow man. But the one thing that had solidified itself in his mind was knowing of his own desire for power. He knew it was a flaw and he knew it controlled him too much. But he wasn't a man of faith or even so much a man of morals, and he had long since given up trying to pretend otherwise. This was how, after years in public office, he found himself pacing in his place of work, cursing the day he had heard the name Armin Arlert.

A sharp rap on the door jolted him free of his raging mind and he jumped as he always did when someone knocked.

"Yes, yes, come in!"

His advisor walked in, looking a tad nervous at the tone his boss's voice had taken.

"You wanted the polls for this month, sir?"

Snapping sharply, Reebs snatched the papers and cast his eyes over them, over and over and his nerves worsened.

"When did these come in?"

"Last week, sir."

"And the ones for this week?"

"In, but not yet in the records. No cause for concern, but he has taken a miniscule lead in… "

"WHAT?!"

He spun to glare at his advisor who looked nervous, but not enough to shrink away. Reebs knew he himself wasn't a particularly intimidating man; the only real reason people had to be afraid of him was his temper. Clearing his throat, the advisor spoke slowly, clearly trying to be tactical about what he said next.

"It's nothing to be concerned about, just a little stat that will be gone from everyone's mind within the next… "

"The campaigning hasn't even started yet!"

"Yes sir, precisely. The campaigning hasn't started. And therefore, there is nothing to be worried about. Plenty of time to put this boy in his place."

Swearing under his breath, Reebs turned away, dabbing away sweat from his forehead.

"Fine, get me those numbers as soon as you can."

"Yes sir."

Obviously pleased to depart the room, his advisor nearly skipped from the room only to collide with Reebs' secretary on the way out, who poked her head in.

"Mr. Reebs?"

He made no attempt to try and abstain from barking angrily.

"Yes, what?!"

She looked only slightly offended; she knew this behavior was more or less common.

"Chief of police here to see you, sir."

Anger in his system quickly dispelled to make room for pure and untouched apprehension. Surprised at the own drop on his tone of voice, he waved shakily.

"Send him in, send him in."

She nodded and the door closed a moment only to burst open a second later as Kenny Ackerman strode in grandly. Reebs grit his teeth behind his lips; there were few people that put him on edge like Chief Ackerman did.

"Well?"

Kenny turned to look behind him, before turning back, wide smile on his face.

"Not even a hello?"

Sighing and placing his palms on his desk to keep them from shaking, Reebs shook his head.

"I'm sure you're just as busy as I am, we should keep this short."

Not relenting, Kenny tapped his foot and pretended to look thoughtful.

"I don't think you're being very welcoming."

A quick fuse blew in the mayor's head and he slammed a hand to the desk before looking up and hissing angrily.

"I know the circuits of whatever the hell you run are extensive and unknown, Ackerman, and while that certainly seems to have put you in a place where you care about very little, I have no such luxury. I'm risking time in prison by working with you in this way and I prefer to speak, or even think about it, as little as possible. So please, tell me: what have you done about Arlert?"

Spreading his hands as though surprised and apologetic, though he was neither, Kenny shrugged.

"Alright, alright, big man."

He pulled himself a chair and threw his feet up on Reebs' desk which he tried very hard to ignore.

"We kept eyes on all his pals, and we wound up getting lucky. One of his friends went to the hospital and had a kid. So, when no one was around, I had a couple of my badged boys swing in and snatch her out."

"You WHAT?!"

Not flinching in the slightest, another smile dropped onto Kenny's face.

"Hey, you asked."

Reebs was quite beside himself; he was very quickly sputtering incoherently.

"You… you… you went and… you found a young woman who… you found her and… "

"Kidnapped her, yes."

"What… how could… what about the child?"

Kenny waved as though they were discussing the weather in the coming weeks.

"Kid's fine, don't worry about it… "

"You didn't… you… you didn't… "

It took several seconds of incoherent rambling for Kenny to decipher what he was trying to ask; when he replied, he looked confused, as though he couldn't understand how the mayor could ask such a stupid thing.

"I mean, yeah, we took the kid too."

This was simply too much for Reebs who clasped his hands behind his head and walked to the window, trying to stop the world from shifting in and out of focus. Behind him, Kenny's voice seemed far-off.

"C'mon big man, what's the big deal?"

Spinning with enough anger to nearly make his head explode, Reebs realized he hadn't any idea what he was going to say. He stared at the chief of police for several seconds before turning back to the window.

"You… I can't believe you did that… "

"Hey, you said, "is there anything you can do to take Arlert down?" and I said, "yeah sure, I'll see what I can do" and then you said… "

"You kidnapped a woman and her newborn child?! That's how you deal with this?!"

For the first time, a dangerous glow beamed from Kenny's eyes.

"Yes, it is."

"Of all the things… you did this… "

"Yes I did, mayor. Arlert will more than be willing to quit out of the race when we threaten him with this. Besides… she provides just as much an advantage for me as she does you."

"How can… did you hurt either of them?"

"Why do you care?"

As Reebs swelled yet again, Kenny smirked.

"Believe me, the less you know about what's going on with this, the better. Just pay attention to other things and just reap the benefits this will give you. Lean back and take it."

He stood.

"I'll go take care of this, so you can stop stressing the hell out."

His long legs took him to the door very quickly, only giving Reebs time to spit out a final question.

"Are you going to hurt them?"

Kenny's response gave him cause to sit down to at his desk and not move for close to an hour.

"Only as much as I have to."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Ymir was fairly sure that she had never hated herself more in her entire life. It wasn't as though her moments of self-loathing were few either, but now, something was happening that could give her reason to never forgive herself. She was pacing now, furiously trying to pummel whatever weakness had come over her out of her system. While she had been fighting with Mikasa for no other reason than to hurt herself, someone ( _some dead meat piece of shit)_ had made off with Krista, whoever had been lying next to her, and the baby.

Whatever shock had been keeping Hange still had been flushed to make room for a strong sense of purpose; while the rest of them reeled in continued disbelief, she was on the phone with three people a minute, doing everything in her power to track them down. Sasha and Ilse had stopped crying, but their faces were stone as they sat still, leaning against each other while Annie had taken off on Hange's order to get ahold of what traffic light footage they had access to. This had all registered in Ymir's head, but had done little in the way of…

"Ymir, stop."

She stopped pacing and realized that she had been rambling to herself without noticing. Glancing to the wall, she saw Mikasa leaning against the wall and giving her a very slightly pitying look.

"Talking yourself down won't make this any better."

Growling weakly, Ymir slumped against the wall herself, trying to stop herself from shaking.

"No, but it gives me something to do."

"Just be ready to move. The front desk told us that a couple guys came in, flashed badges and made off with them before anyone could do much of anything. That's a start, and as soon as we know where they are, we're going after them."

Ymir could only nod slowly as the room fell into silence once more. After minutes of waiting and praying, Ymir realized there was something she had to do.

"Mika."

She didn't look over, but she could feel her friend's eyes on the side of her head, acknowledging that she was listening.

"I'm sorry for everything I said. I was just so... "

"I know."

 _Please don't fight this._

"But… I wasn't lying."

She received no response.

"About the baby."

Still nothing. Ymir finally turned to look at Mikasa who was staring straight ahead, still and silent.

"Please, don't think I'm lying about this. This hurt me too when I found out."

She could feel Ilse and Sasha now watching both of them very carefully, but she could only watch Mikasa and hope that this could somehow end well. Finally, a short exhale and one word were released from her friend's mouth.

"How?"

Ymir hesitated only a moment before telling her of everything she had been told by Reiner and had been then confirmed by Krista. She left no detail out of it and while she thought for a moment to twist the tale slightly in Krista's favor, she mentally cursed herself for even considering lying about something this serious. She spoke for close to fifteen minutes, ending by ensuring that from when the incident happened to the moment he vanished from their lives, Joe had not known about the child he had been the one to help bring to life.

"… for months, only Krista and Reiner knew before he finally felt, guilty enough I guess, and told me. And now I'm telling you."

For several seconds, she was sure that Mikasa would call her a liar, leave the room, or even hit her.

"He never knew."

"No."

"Did… did he love Krista?"

"I… I think he loved her the same way he loved Sash, or Ilse, or any of us. But… not the way he loved you."

Quiet resettled on the room before Ymir finally was able to voice the question she had wanted to ask for hours now.

"Mika… was that him in there?"

It took minutes for a response to come from her friend; voice pained and resigned, and barely above a whisper.

"Yes."

Moaning softly, she leaned into Mikasa, who leaned back.

"I… I don't know what to say… I don't know how… "

"I don't either. But… that was him. The way he was breathing while he slept. How his head was tilted to the right. And… his face. That was him. He's alive."

Giving a shaky laugh, she swallowed.

"He's alive."

Then, the air itself seemed to grow cold as she spoke one last time, voice dripping with menace before Hange stormed back into the room, announcing they knew where to head.

"And I'm taking him back."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Glancing at the closet space full of clothes that he would never show anyone save for his two best friends, Eren smirked before closing the door and calling out to the living room.

"You know, you looked pretty good last night."

"Oh, stop."

"I'm serious, you gotta wear that next time Mikasa stays over. She'd uh… I think she'd like it."

"More than you did."

Eren smirked again.

"Probably not."

The phone rang from the kitchen and there followed a thump and a rare swear from Armin. Walking to the kitchen, Eren saw his friend halfway from his chair, a heavy folder on the floor, spilling papers everywhere.

"I really wish you wouldn't work all the time. Makes you clumsy."

Armin shot him a dirty look as he scrambled about, collecting his fallen work.

"I have to, if I'm actually serious about this, campaigning isn't too many weeks off and… are you going to answer that?"

Eren rolled his eyes and did.

"Hello?"

"This Arlert?"

Put off by the sudden abruptness and rudeness of the person on the other end, Eren was almost immediately confrontational.

"Who wants to know?"

He couldn't have been sure, but it almost sounded like someone was scolding the person on the receiver in the background.

"Uh… sorry, friend of his from work."

"Uh… okay."

He handed the phone to Armin who had straightened and was watching the call curiously.

"For you, I guess."

Armin took the phone, brow furrowed.

"Hello?"

Eren watched as his friend's face went from confusion to completely pale and wide-eyed.

"I… I understand, please don't… yes."

Worry welled in Eren's heart.

"Yes… yes, I will."

He slowly lowered the phone from his ear, staring forward blankly before dropping the phone.

"We need to go. Now."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Krista didn't know how long she had been awake, but by now, enough fear was seeping through her veins that she wished she had any idea what to do. Fear for herself, but much more now for…

"I can't believe this kid has been asleep this long."

"Well, we ain't being loud, that probably helps."

She had been able to overhear the voices of her captors for minutes now, very muffled over the sound of the engine and the likely road beneath them, but clear enough that she was able to pick up their conversation. She was able to pick out three male voices, all with outdoorsy dialects. The very thought of her baby being in the hands of one of them had instilled enough fury in her to almost completely remove the exhaustion and pain she was suffering through.

 _This can't be happening… I'm dreaming… I'll wake up any second and Ymir will be there and she'll be holding our baby…_

"I gotta ask though, why did you grab the guy in the room with her? Orders were just to take her and the baby."

"I don't know, I assumed it was her husband, giving her blood through the procedure or some heroic shit like that… "

"You fuckin' moron, this girl is with that redskin dyke who broke into our old place all those months ago, we were told that!"

"Wait, she's a lesbo?"

"Yes, you deaf piece of shit."

"Then… how did she have a kid… ?"

"Christ, I don't know how you got put with us… "

"Hey, keep it down, baby's making noises."

"So stick your cock stroking finger in its mouth or somethin', you idiot."

"Bring up the guy. I want to see him, find out who he is."

"Shouldn't we just bring him all the way to the boss?"

"No, because if we can't place him as anyone of importance, we essentially just stole another person we have no background on and who we therefore can't clear when his family or whoever comes looking for him!"

"Huh?"

"Just… bring him up for fuck's sake."

"What you gonna do?"

"I said, find out who he is."

"And if he's no one?"

"I shoot him and roll his body down a hill on the way to the rendezvous."

To her back, Krista heard a wrenching of metal and light streamed in from behind her. As much as she wanted to, she didn't dare move as sounds of effort came from lifting something from behind her. Then, the hatch closed and the voices became muffled again.

"He ain't awake… "

"So wake him up!"

"Hey… hey! Asshole!"

For a moment, there was nothing, but the rumble of the engine. Then, an explosion of gunfire echoed from above her and there came audible sounds of a scuffle; Krista screamed then, and dragged herself through the tight space to where the hatch had been, begging that no harm would come to her child. Howling and swearing came from above her, and she pounded on where she thought the hatch was, and, unexpectedly, it slid back. An arm came down and pulled her up, and she didn't have time to see who that person was until someone tackled him, knocking her back.

Blinking the darkness form her eyes, she took in the fact that they were in a very spacious and large van; one person was motionless on the floor, moving only in rhythm with the vehicle. Whoever had pulled her free was on the ground, wrestling with another man, while a third was trying to point a gun at whoever was on the bottom.

"Atkins, out of the way, OUT OF THE WAY!"

As Krista stared, trying to register what was happening, she realized that the sound of a crying baby was coming from above the shouting and fighting. It was coming from the front seat of the van, and she realized she could see the tiny feet of what could only have been her child flailing in the passenger seat. Seeing that she wasn't noticed by the man with the gun, she took an instinctive step towards the front of the vehicle; suddenly, the face of the driver turned to face her with a gun in the hand that wasn't on the wheel. Only panic was in his eyes, and he raised the gun towards her and fired. Spinning away to the ground, she grabbed desperately at the gun that was in the hand of the collapsed man; wrestling it from his death grip, she managed to bring it up and spray three shots towards the driver. He howled and retreated back behind the driver's seat and Krista made to stand up and move forward.

"Fuckin' BITCH!"

The man who had previously been trying to shoot whoever was wrestling his friend had turned and hit her across the face and she collapsed against the side of the van, gun clattering from her hand. In her weakened state, the world spun and she was barely able to register him moving towards her as the van had begun to swerve dangerously. Behind him, leaking from a burst tank, some liquid was spilling all across the floor that had a terribly dingy smell.

"Don't you move… if you do , I swear I'll… "

She leapt then for the gun, and he kicked her in the head. As the world faded between black and reality, she heard him screaming at her, sounding more panicked than angry.

"I SAID, DON'T FUCKING… "

A fist whipped out and flattened the side of the man's head and sent him to the ground. As Krista tried to blink focus back into her world, she felt herself helped up and move towards the back of the vehicle. There was the sound of a heavy latch and what must've been the back doors opened to the brilliant glow of the setting sun and the roar of the wind as they raced down what was likely a highway. As she stared, trying to comprehend what she was seeing, Krista saw dunes of sand along the long stretch of empty road and concluded they were a long ways out of town. Steep hills lined a few feet off the side of the road and she tried not to look at them for fear of vertigo.

"You're going to need to hold on… tuck up like a ball… "

Another howl and she heard a gunshot above her head, and she fell to her knees, facing the landscape that sped by furiously, the roar of the wind not quite muffling the sound of a punch and a thud. Then, hands came under her armpits.

"Do as I say… trust me… "

And moments before she was thrown free of the vehicle, she heard one last shout from someone who wasn't her defender and she had time to register one thing only and scream it as loud as she could.

"THE BABY!"

She had no time to try and escape his grip as he threw her up and to the side. The world hung in a distorted way for a moment, before her shoulder and thigh crashed against dirt and sand and she rolled along the side of the road. She continued reeling down the stretch before coming to a stop, where she gave herself only a couple seconds to swear in pain. It hurt badly, but not enough for her to shake off the dizziness and stagger to her feet, and then spin, looking for the van. She watched as the vehicle swerved haphazardly down the road and started to run in a panic as it went off the side. She screamed then, as the van tried hard to correct itself and went onto its side, rolling down a hill along the road and out of sight, the sound of it crashing down the side echoing terribly. And she fell to her knees and wailed as there was tremendous roar and a fireball licked towards the sky as the vehicle exploded.


	21. Chapter 21

" _ **I could deny it if I liked.**_

 _ **I could deny anything if I liked."**_

― _**Oscar Wilde**_

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

In all honesty, he didn't know whether to be grateful for his incredible luck or to despise it completely.

After pulling himself free from the smoldering wreckage, he had distracted himself from the shock by trying to determine why the hell the van had exploded. He chalked it down to the tank that had ruptured during the fight in the back of the vehicle that had possibly been triggered by a gunshot or something beyond his reckoning. He had fearfully checked his shaking body for any injury that shock was preventing him from feeling, but aside from enough bruises and minor cuts to make a general practitioner twitch angrily, he couldn't find anything that could have been life threatening. And so he had run.

He had cursed every step he had taken. It felt cowardly. It felt weak. It felt selfish.

 _But that's just what I am._

If Dust hadn't been there when they had pulled him up from beneath the floor, he didn't think he would have been able to do the things he did; fight off the majority of them, snatching guns, throwing Krista free from the…

 _Did she even recognize me… ?_

"Doesn't fucking matter. We're running, ain't we?"

Right behind him, he had heard Dust chuckling at his mental distress and he had shrugged it off just as quickly. He had realized, sprinting into the wasteland, that this could very likely spell death for him very quickly; a wind had picked up and was making forward progress difficult, and he also was fairly sure he was still reeling physically from the blood he had given. Only minutes after considering the bleakness of his situation, he had run into a rest stop where a huge group of people had stopped to shoot off fireworks down a hill. Half the cars still had keys in the ignition and, when a particularly large attraction had lit up the evening sky to the cheers of the likely drunken crowd they were appealing to, he had slipped into an Impala with Dust, and hit the highway, driving as quickly as he dared.

Blood dripped down from a slash on his forehead which he wiped away angrily from dripping into his eye, trying to ignore it mixing with the guilty tears that already burned his cheeks.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Armin, please. Just tell me what's going on."

"Just drive Eren, I'll explain later."

"Why not now? We've got nothing better to do then… "

"Just trust me, alright?"

"I do, I always have, but this feels so wrong."

"I know, I know it does, but this is just something… STOP THE CAR!"

Having been looking at his friend for the hundredth time since they started driving, Eren barely had time to look forward as he instinctively slammed on the brakes. With an awful screech, the car slowed hard enough to throw both of them forward, fishtailing the last few meters to nearly spin in a half circle. It jerked to a stop after what seemed like an eternity and as soon as he was sure they were both safe, Eren had no problem spinning to stare at his friend furiously.

"What the fuck was… "

He very quickly realized he was staring at an empty seat and through the windshield, he saw Armin sprinting down the left side of the street.

"Armin!"

Swearing, he clambered out of the car himself and ran after him; his longer legs allowed him to catch up fairly quickly and he opened his mouth again to shout at his friend before he realized what had caused Armin to run. His confusion and anger was very quickly swallowed by panic as they caught up to her.

Krista was on her hands and knees, crawling down the side of the road; Eren reached her first and took her by the shoulders and dropping to his knees, allowing her to weakly fall against his lap. Her face was pale, though her hair seemed wet with sweat; Eren could do nothing more than hold her and gape. Fortunately, Armin had no such problem kneeling in front of her and begin gently firing off questions.

"How did you get here?"

Breathing heavily, she only shook her head and it was then that Eren realized she was crying.

"What happened?"

Suddenly, her eyes glowed furiously and she desperately tried to free herself from his grip and stagger along her way. His strength easily outlasted her and he pulled her back down as gently as he could, though it was not lost on him the energy she had moved with that shouldn't have been possible in her state. She moaned through her teeth before closing her eyes and beginning to sob. Eren only shook his head as he thought he heard a distant care engine growing louder.

"Eren… "

He looked up to see Armin staring back at him with wide and fearful eyes; following his gaze down, it took Eren's shocked mind several seconds to realize that Krista wasn't pregnant anymore. He inhaled sharply and resisted the urge to yell. Armin, in a very rare show of violent emotion, did it for him.

"Where is the baby?!"

She wailed into Eren's sleeve and pointed. He looked up and, completely surprised at how it had missed his attention, saw a thick plume of smoke, curling its way into the twilight sky. He could feel himself start to shake as he heard a vehicle pull to a halt behind him. He could only stare as car doors opened behind him and several pairs of feet hit the asphalt; he was nearly thrown aside as Ymir pulled Krista from his grip and pulled her into so tight a hug that it indicated she may never let go. He sat there, blinking dazedly as shouting sounded around him and he was nearly knocked over by Sasha, who sprinted past him with Ilse towards the black smog. Finally, he felt hands on his shoulders and he was forced somewhat roughly to his feet.

"Eren… ?"

He turned his head slightly to see a concerned, yet preoccupied Mikasa looking back at him. He could only stare at her before a rush of relief and something he couldn't identify caused him to gasp and wrap his arms around her; it was returned somewhat and he could sense there were much more pressing matters on her mind. Nevertheless, she spoke quietly in his ear.

"Are you alright?"

"Am… am I… ? Yeah, I'm fine, but Krista, did you see… ?"

"Yes, I know. Don't worry we'll take care of this."

Meaning to ask what in the world she meant by that, his mouth stopped working as he saw Annie holding binoculars towards the horizon with an assault rifle slung over her shoulder. He wanted to ask what the hell she was doing with it, when Ilse came hurdling back over the hill and sprinted up to the older woman who Eren hadn't seen before.

"They… it's nasty, van's blown to shit, we… we couldn't hear or see anyone moving, Sasha, she… she won't stop digging… or yelling… "

It became apparent that Sasha was indeed shouting someone's name over and over again out of sight; the woman retreated behind their vehicle and started tearing through the trunk, tossing objects aside, clearly looking for something very particular. Ymir as still holding Krista and both of them appeared to be crying as the blonde tried over and over again to shake free and move towards the wreckage.

"Use this."

The woman had found what she was looking for and handed Ilse what looked like a tablet mixed with a headset.

"Ultra-receptive heartbeat sensor. It'll pick up a mouse if you're within fifteen meters of it."

Nodding, Ilse turned and began to run off with the device.

"Ilse."

She stopped and turned as the older woman spoke her name very calmly given the circumstances. After speaking her name however, it seemed whatever she had wanted to say simply escaped her. This didn't appear to put off Ilse though who gave a brief, sad smile.

"I know."

And she ran, practically leaping over the hill and sliding down it. Eren felt Mikasa gently release him as she walked over to the woman.

"Hange… do we know who it was?"

"I have some ideas. Nothing with proof."

This was all that passed between them as the sun dipped lower towards the horizon and the sound of Sasha shouting dwindled into what sounded like a furious argument that then fell into silence. Minutes ticked as Armin walked slowly over to kneel next to Eren and wrap his arms around him; the only sound now was Krista sobbing into Ymir's shoulder. She stopped suddenly and Eren looked up to see Ilse and Sasha trudging back over the hill; it was not lost on him that they were empty handed. As they edged quietly up to the rest of them, Ilse slowly handed the device back over; it took her nearly a minute to say the one word that looked to be perhaps the hardest word she had ever forced out.

"Nothing."

The sound Krista made then was something Eren knew he would spend the rest of his life trying to forget. Ymir looked up, with defeat in her eyes despite the words she spoke.

"The machine, maybe it… didn't work?"

Glancing down at it without a word, Hange flipped it on and held it up. As she turned, holding it over all of them in turn, Eren could very clearly see the heartbeats showing up on the screen. She closed it and shook her head; Ymir closed her eyes and pressed her lips to Krista's head, understanding that there was nothing she could say.

"Cops."

Annie spoke for the first time since they had arrived; a few of them turned to look at her. Eyes still pressed to the binoculars, she held up a four fingers.

"Sirens. We need to go."

Regret was in her eyes as she turned to look at the rest of them, but her voice was firm.

"Now."

For a moment, none of them moved other than Ymir practically lifting Krista to her feet. Then, Mikasa spoke, very calmly and very deliberately.

"I'm not leaving without bodies."

It registered in the back of Eren's conscious that she had said "bodies".

Annie didn't back in the slightest.

"We don't have time."

Very, very faintly, the sound of sirens could be heard, growing steadily and steadily louder against the flat wasteland. Mikasa took a step forward, a step Eren had seen before. She had done it to Jean, when he hadn't known to close his mouth in high school. She had done it to one of the school shitheads, who had been hassling the down-syndrome kid. She had done it to him himself, when he had made that awful mistake that night. And when he saw that, he knew she was not backing down.

Neither apparently, was Annie.

"Look, I know there are some mysteries buried in the sand and burnt metal down there, but if we stick around we are all in a very bad place."

"I don't care. I'm getting the bodies."

Annie's mouth curled very gently.

"You think that was him? Lying in the hospital, the one they took? You think his body is lying down there somewhere?"

"It may be."

"Then we wait for the police report to come out."

"You know fucking well that Kenny will run a cover for this. We won't know who died in that accident unless we go and find out now."

"Going to jail and possibly destroying the lives of everyone here is worth that to you?"

"I'm not asking you to stay."

Mikasa turned and started walking towards the wreck. The sirens were growing feverishly louder; Hange glanced that way and turned back towards them.

"Mika… "

She didn't stop moving and Annie quickly closed the distance between them and spun her around.

"Hey! This will not solve anything!"

Sasha and Ilse were watching, the former with her fists clenched, but neither of them seemed to have any idea if there was anything they could do.

"I don't care what it solves. For once, I'm going to do this for me."

"Do what? Get hauled into the station? Have Kenny buzz over your arrest and wipe the docket that you were ever there? Ship you off to wherever the fuck he deems where he'll use you as either a bartering tool or a fuck toy?"

"What I do is none of your concern, Annie."

"The fuck it isn't!"

Eren realized with how quickly the sirens were approaching, they must have been driving much faster than any of them had been anticipating. Hange seemed to have noticed this too and was trying to get the attention of the two girls more deliberately.

"That is enough! Mika, Annie is right! We don't have time for this!"

Mikasa looked back, eyes venomous. Then, that venom drained into disgust and she adopted a much abhorred expression.

"Yeah, you don't."

And she turned and kept walking towards the car. With a roar and loss of control that Eren couldn't recall having ever seen in the eight years he had known her, Annie bolted forward and tackled her friend to the ground. Ilse and Sasha finally broke from whatever was holding them still and ran up to them trying with some success to pull apart a now savage fight. Ymir was supporting Krista and was moving to the cars; looking towards the direction of the sirens, she looked now somewhat panicked.

"Hange!"

The older woman seemed at a loss and Eren sensed that she was someone very used to being in control. Armin was pulling him up and yelling at him, but he wasn't listening. And so he remained there until several police cars pulled up around them, clearly having been driving around ninety miles an hour with how hard and early they braked. Doors opened and shouting began to commence and Eren was distantly aware that guns were being pointed at them.

 _Why… what did we do… ?_

He turned and slowly stood to regard the many officers with confusion; he could still hear sounds of a scuffle behind them. The last door of the first car opened and a tall man stepped out slowly. He looked like a predator, wild, yet clean facial hair, and a pair of eyes that surveyed the situation with keenness. He was not smiling.

"Well, Zoe… this was not what I had been hoping to find."

He stepped around the front of the car and unholstered his own pistol.

"Not. One. Bit."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

It was bothering her a lot more than it should have.

On a night like this, where the building was as occupied as it ever was, with customers leaving and entering at as much of a pace for her and Alya to handle, Florian knew that this was not the time to be worrying about this. It had been only two days since she had last seen him and while she hadn't know precisely when she would seen him again, he had made it sound like it would be soon.

But she hadn't heard from him or seen him, and she was starting to get worried.

She thought perhaps she had been considerably forward and she had scared him off with how much he had revealed to her and with how much she had known he was hiding. This seemed the most likely theory, but she knew there was more to him than that. Just like her sister, there was much fear in him, but just as much brashness.

When she finally saw a brief lull in her duties, she made her way over to the bar, ignoring a seventy year old man who grabbed at her rear and tapped Pixis on the shoulder. He turned, eyes kind and tired as they always were.

"Yes?"

"Hey, I know this is kind of weird to ask... but have you seen Joe around these past couple days?"

"No, can't say that I have... why?"

"Well, I was supposed to see him again, but haven't. I don't know how to get in touch with him, he wasn't answering his phone."

A look came over Pixis's face unlike anything she had ever seen before; it looked like genuine worry and... guilt?

"I see."

"I know it doesn't make sense for me to ask you, but it looked like you knew him at least somewhat... "

"Yes, yes, yes... "

He now seemed to not be listening to her.

"I'll be back in just a moment. I have a phone call to make."

She looked after him, confused.

"I said that he wasn't answering his phone, though."

He glanced back at her briefly, with a look that seemed to emote that he was about to have hell to pay.

"He's not the one I'm calling."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Mina was genuinely beginning to think he wouldn't show, when she saw the headlights bearing down on her house. Standing from the porch stairs she had been sitting on, she stretched feeling back into her lower body. She only briefly acknowledged that he had not been riding his bike as she had known was his usual means of transportation; she stepped down to meet him as he clambered out of the car, she noticed, with a strange loopy fashion.

"Hey, didn't think you'd make it."

"Yeah, me neither… "

"I got everything you asked for, that I was able to get my hands on anyway, so… hey, are you alright?"

"What… ? Yeah, fine, fine, I… "

His words were quickly contradicted as he dropped shakily to one knee, pressing a hand to his head. Fearing a stab of worry, she quickly knelt by his side.

"What's wrong, are you hurt? What did… Jesus, look how pale you are!"

"It's fine, it's not a big deal… "

"Not a big… what happened?!"

"Let me just see what you found… I'm fine… "

As if to prove his point, he tried to stand and immediately collapsed, rolling onto his side and blinking rapidly as though he couldn't see. By now, Mina was completely arrested by her worry and pulled his arm around her.

"Let's lie you down… no, don't try and fight me on this… you need to lay down, you should not have been driving… "

She helped him up and they started a slow walk towards the house. He was muttering something about being fine, but had stopped fighting her at least.

"There we go, easy now. Here're the stairs, alright and… "

Mina stopped. The noise she had just heard should not have been one that could have been possible. It was just brief and she imagined that in her state of worry she had simply imagined it, and she turned back forward to continue their journey up the porch. Then, she heard it again and she couldn't help but stop and turn. Because, unless her mind was playing a wild and inventive trick on her, she could very surely what sounded to be a baby, crying softly from the front seat of his car.


	22. Chapter 22

" _I told you not to call this number during the hours I gave you."_

"You said unless it was an emergency."

..

" _What happened."_

"He's missing. I had someone go to his trailer and he's not there. He isn't answering his phone either."

" _How long?"_

"Two days, now."

…

"What do you want me to do?"

" _Nothing."_

"Nothing?"

" _For now. I have a couple ideas as to where he might be, but there's no point in getting too nervous yet. He's an odd beast, it could be nothing. Just get ahold of me immediately if he turns back up."_

"Alright. Levi?"

" _Yes?"_

"Do you think he went back?"

" _For the sake of everyone he cared about, I fucking hope not."_

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

It felt very much like he was in the throes of a fever; his body felt uncomfortable regardless of what he touched and he wanted to stand and pace around the room, but the moment he stood, the balls of his feet grew pained and the world spun like a carnival ride. He felt as though he was burning up, despite being told that he was pale and cold as ice. He wanted desperately to not be lying on this couch, half-wrapped with blankets, but he knew that he likely wouldn't have the strength to do anything more than throw up.

And Mina definitely wasn't going to let him go anywhere.

"HEY! Lay back down now!"

She caught him for the fourth or fifth time trying to somewhat right himself, and he jumped as her voice sounded behind him and he quickly complied resting against a pillow. His voice was weak and stuttering as he called after her as she returned to the kitchen.

"I just was trying to get my phone… "

"You aren't doing anything, you need something you tell me. You do not move."

Walking swiftly past where he lay, she snatched his phone from the coffee table where she had left it and placed it gently on his lap as she strode to the kitchen where the baby was warbling contentedly. Out of sight, he heard her talking to it sweetly as she fed it. He toyed with the flip phone weakly, trying to remember why he had wanted it in the first place. Minutes passed and he saw Mina pass out of the kitchen, cradling the baby; she gave him a worried look before walking out of sight again. He swallowed painfully and lay there, trying to convince himself that he was comfortable. Settling for being in a limbo between pain and sleep, he took careful breaths before Mina walked quietly into the room. She pulled up a chair and sat in it slowly, eying him with a flurry of emotions in her eyes. He blinked and turned his head as much as he could.

"The baby."

"Fast asleep."

Closing his eyes, he nodded thankfully.

"Is there anything you can tell me?"

The question surprised him; after everything she had done in the past hour, driving out to the only open convenience store to snag baby food, dragging an old baby chair out of storage and turning the couch into a makeshift bed and taking care of the two helpless beings that had arrived on her doorstep, she was not demanding what was going on as she had every right to. She was curious if he was willing to tell her anything. He choked down a small wave of appreciation for her and her kindness.

"What do you want to know?"

She looked equally surprised and shrugged.

"Anything you can tell me."

He felt deeply regretful, but he knew there was little that he could safely confide in her. At least now.

"I'm sorry, but there isn't much. That baby… will be returned to its parents in time. Right now, it needs to be kept safe."

She looked somewhat sick.

"You took it from its parents?"

When put like that, he tried with difficulty to stave off a flood of anger.

"I took it from someone who took it from its parents. I will return it, when the time is safe."

Mina hardly looked like that was an answer she could respect, but nodded.

"It can stay here for as long as necessary."

"No, I can't ask you to… "

"Where else can you take it?"

He knew damn well there was nowhere that came to mind, and she seemed to know this; nodding, she flipped topics.

"Can you tell me what happened to you?"

"Gave blood to someone who needed it. Got knocked out and abducted in a van. Fought my way out and almost died when the van rolled down a hill and exploded."

Her eyes widened with every sentence he spoke.

"What… what the hell do you do with your life?"

He chuckled, then winced and grabbed at his chest as the simple act of laughing pained him horribly.

"Nothing safe or sane."

This probably wasn't a smart answer as it only gave her cause to look more fearful. He waved shakily as though it was hardly a matter of any importance.

"Never mind that though. Let me see what you found."

"No."

He blinked again.

"Eh?"

"Not tonight. You seem well enough that you don't need a hospital, but you need rest. That kid needs rest. We can worry about my problems later."

"But… "

He tried to push himself up and she quickly pushed him back down.

"But… this isn't about me, it's about you, finding the men who killed your father… "

"And that can wait."

She stood.

"I'm not losing anyone else."

Walking to the stairs, she pointed expectedly at him.

"Sleep. If the baby wakes up in the night, I'll take care of it."

Joe opened his mouth, and she snapped at him.

"Not a peep out of you until morning."

And with that, she turned off the light and walked up the creaky stairs and to her room which is where he assumed she had the baby.

"Dammit… "

Here he was again, drilling more complications into the lives of people who didn't deserve it. He was pleased for the dark and the quiet, it gave him time to think about what had happened to him since falling asleep in the hospital.

 _Kenny… it had to be. I don't know if they've made any new enemies since I left, but who else has the power to just walk into a damn hospital and abduct three people, including a mother and her newborn? Not something I would put past him whatsoever. They definitely sounded like the type who would be under his charge. I wonder if any of them made it out of the crash… I barely did and that was with the…_

He fell from his musings with a stab of fury.

"You."

Opening his eyes, he could see the silhouette of Dust, eyes glowing with gentle pleasure and malice.

"Me."

"You took the baby… why?"

Dust gave a bark of laughter, and Joe looked worriedly off towards the second floor, hoping that he hadn't been heard.

"Are you kidding me? You would have rather we just have left it cooking in the dirt? Miracle enough it didn't get hurt… "

"I didn't say that, but it isn't our responsibility… "

"It's not?"

He could practically see the smile spread across his companion's face and he could feel anger spilling into his gut as he hissed quietly.

"There you go with your cryptic bullshit again. If you have something to say… "

"Let's just say… if something bad were to happen to this kid, there would be more people affected than you think."

And he was gone. Joe swore into his blankets angrily. Never with the clean answers, only ones that forced him to think more than he would like to. He instead chose to ignore the bullshit spewed by Dust and directed his thought and attention to what to do about the child. He didn't know what else he could do other than keep it here, but he and Mina would be traveling down a dangerous path regardless of where it led them and while he knew he needed to return this child as quickly as he could, he feared what Kenny would do if he knew there was a baby he could now use as leverage.

Suddenly, an idea popped into his head. He flipped open his phone and tried not to feel a rush of guilt at the several missed calls that greeted him. Closing past them, he dialed quickly and prayed she was better with her phone that he was. There were four long rings before he was received.

" _Joe!?"_

"Hey Florian… "

" _Oh Jesus Christ, thank you… you didn't pick up ever and Pixis hadn't seen you, no one had seen you around town… "_

"I'm fine, I'm fine, I didn't mean to freak you out, I'm sorry… "

"Fuck's sake man… are you alright?"

He tried not to lie too badly.

"I'm alright, I guess."

"What do you mean, you guess?"

He swore into his shoulder.

"Just a long day is all. Listen, I need to ask you something… "

"Yeah, what's up?"

He took a deep breath.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Arms underneath her own, Annie felt Mikasa's hand relieve its grip on her head and she finally found that her head was no longer forced into the rough dirt. Growling, she spit and made to look around for her target, but was quickly yanked to her feet by Ilse; she turned to look at her, snarling.

"Get the fuck off of… !"

"Shut up."

She was surprised enough by Ilse's sharp command that she actually stopped talking for a moment; looking around, she saw Sasha barely restraining Mikasa and she took an angry step that way. Ilse pulled her around and hissed angrily.

"Stop."

Annie came very close to pulling her fist back before she saw why everyone other than her and Mikasa had frozen and fallen silent. Kenny Ackerman was standing aside a patrol car with a group of close to a dozen officers, all of whom Annie had no trouble assuming were more concerned with obeying him than the law. She shook herself free of Ilse's grip and wiped blood from her cheek, but beyond that, she stopped moving; Mikasa had done the same in her peripheral. They both seemed very aware that there was a much heavier problem ahead of them now and it wasn't lost on Annie that, in an incredibly rare occurrence, Kenny was not smiling. He inclined his head slightly.

"Family squabble?"

Hange replied as passively as she was able.

"Siblings will be siblings."

He narrowed his eyes slightly.

"Hmm."

Walking away from the small border of cars behind him, he walked slowly towards them; he stopped in front of Eren and Armin, who Annie just realized were present. The former stared defiantly and cautiously at the man, while the latter seemed to be trying to do the same, but Armin was still Armin and his worry was very obvious.

 _Why are they here… ?_

"I came out here to have a brief chat with this one… "

He jabbed a long finger at Armin.

"… and yet, I lose contact with my people, grabbed a couple officers, come out here and what do I find?"

Annie was very grateful that Eren did not provide his rhetorical question with an answer.

"An exploded vehicle, likely some dead bodies, and… "

He waved a hand around at them before clenching it into a fist.

"… all of you."

Sighing, he massaged his temples, gun haphazardly pointing around as he did.

"Truly, no person or persons have ever given me a greater pain in the ass than you lot."

Spinning very suddenly, he shouted at three of his subordinates, who collectively jumped.

"You three! Go see what's left down there and do NOT touch anything."

He finally gave a brief smile.

"Or anyone. Though by the looks of it… "

Glancing down towards Krista, who was slumped against Ymir and seemed to be in some level of shock, he shrugged regretfully.

"… children continue to be the victim."

The brashness, the apathy of his statement, sent a flood of anger through Annie and she was shocked that Ymir nor Krista flew at this throat, but so deep seemed their shock and grief, that they could no nothing more than stare blankly at the ground. Ilse, however, so previously given to the thought of silence and passiveness, stepped forward and Annie could see tears in her eyes.

"How dare you… "

He looked at her and his old way of mocking emotions returned; he adopted a very concerned expression that was just as fake as the words that followed.

"Sorry… too soon?"

Ilse took another step forward and it became Annie's turn to reach out and try and hold her back; Ilse pulled free and gave her a hard shove. She continued to pace almost menacingly towards Kenny, tears now flowing freely down her face.

"How can someone as sick as you exist… ? To take… a mother and her newborn for… whatever twisted agenda you follow and then… hardly bat an eye when that child is… dead?"

Krista's legs gave out and Ymir dropped to a knee to hold her. Kenny seemed to be almost amused.

"Honey, we've all got an agenda. And we will all follow our prerogatives thusly. Besides… "

He gestured around.

"None of us are good people. You are aware of that, right? Well… "

Looking to Eren and Armin, he shrugged.

"Most of us aren't. As far as I can tell."

Cocking his head, he looked past them to the smoke that was starting to blend with the darkening sky.

"And, c'mon, fast way to go for the kid, right?"

With only time to mentally spit the vilest curse she could throw at him, Annie suddenly felt the breath of something speeding by on her right. Mikasa closed the distance between her and Kenny within a second and tackled him into the closest police car. His hat went from his head as Hange shouted something. Bringing an arm under his knee, Mikasa was able to lift him up and throw him to the ground; her fist was only able to strike his face three or so times before his officers had pulled her off. Two held her to her knees by her arms and another extended his baton and drew it back to strike her.

"STOP!"

The command came unexpectedly from Kenny as he rose slowly to his feet, adjusting his hat. Annie realized they had all taken several collective steps forward and he may have been shouting at them, but his eyes were directed towards his men. The one with the raised baton looked up and lowered it slowly, stepping back; Kenny waved a hand at him almost immediately.

"Here. Now."

The officer noticeably swallowed and walked slowly up to his chief.

"And bring her over here."

The other two dragged Mikasa over to Kenny; the rest of the men had guns out or hands on their holsters, all looking thoroughly worried about what they ought to be doing. Kenny holstered his gun and snatched the baton from his subordinate and waved him off; he looked only too happy to scamper away behind a couple of his other compatriots.

"After everything that's happened… after everything you've been through, after everything all your friends have been through… you still haven't learned your fucking place?"

She didn't look up at him as he crouched next to her; when she didn't reply, he took her chin and pulled her up to make eye contact. Her eyes were sizzling with hate and he looked almost taken aback.

"Well shit, I missed the part where that was your kid that died! I get that you'd be pissed off at this belated abortion… "

Ymir let go of Krista and launched herself forward only to have Hange stop her, leaving Annie to run up and hold Krista in place; both of them had fresh rage in their eyes, which only seemed to spur Kenny onward as he glanced past Mikasa to smirk at their reactions.

"… but, you know how I am with shit like this."

He pointed at Sasha, who straightened, antagonism written all over her face.

"Remember her? Ah, of course you do. All she did, ALL SHE DID, was backtalk me. That's it."

Chuckling as though it were one of his most pleasant memories, he shook his head.

"So I beat the hell out of her with a cable. I bet her back is still as red as murder."

Suddenly, Mikasa nearly mustered the strength to free herself from her two captors and she snarled at his face.

"You're going to die."

He blinked and inclined his head with fake surprise on his face as though asking her to continue.

"Not old. Not at peace. Not accomplished and retired."

Annie closed her eyes as her friend smiled up at him; this had long since stopped having any way of ending without retribution from the predator of a man.

"You'll die knowing that after everything you did to us, we took away just the same."

For a moment, for a single, brief instant that could have been a trick of the fading light in the sky more than anything, Annie thought she saw fear pass across his eyes. There or not, it faded as quickly as a wink, and he stood, sighing and looking down with regret.

"You are my niece, you know. I'd rather hurt any one of your friends more than you. I'll be honest, I think my brother has more than played with you enough over the years, but it seems that maybe he hasn't done quite enough… so let's try something else."

He looked up to his men.

"Hold her arms out like you're nailing her to a cross. Step on her calves too, I don't want her squirming."

They did as instructed and he walked off to the side, musing thoughtfully.

"… nail her to a cross, hmmm… "

Shaking his head, he turned back and walked up to her, rapping the baton in his open hand. Seeming unable to stop himself, Eren spoke for the first time since Kenny's arrival.

"What are you doing?"

Kenny stopped and turned to look at the fresh interruption. Mikasa turned her head as best as she was able.

"Eren, don't… !"

Taking a fistful of her hair, Kenny threw his knee into her face, causing her to slump over, eyes jammed shut as blood ran down her nose. Eren took a step forward and Kenny drew his gun and raised it.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa there, friend."

Eren stopped and Kenny smiled. The two stared at each other for seconds before he spoke again.

"I feel bad for you and your friend there, I really do. You did not need to get caught up in any of this. I only really needed to scare your friend there out of running in the election, but this turned into way more of a debacle then I had bargained for."

He waved around ambiguously.

"All of this, all of us, is what the real world looks like. Each and every person here is a killer, a liar, a thief, in one way or another. We work in an industry that rewards the heartless and destroys the weak. What you are looking at right now is a power struggle, one that I have been winning for a while now. In a few moments, we are going to round everyone off and take them to the police station where they will undergo a mockery of due process and where I will ultimately get final say over what happens to them. Paperwork can burn, records can disappear, nothing lasts forever if I don't want it to."

Eren and Armin both were staring with eyes full of shock and pain; the former finally choked out.

"You're… you're the POLICE… "

Kenny's smile widened.

"Something like that. Now… "

He turned back to Mikasa, who had blood now down to her chin.

"Where was I… "

If she hadn't been holding Krista in place, Annie would have stepped forward and pulled Eren down and put a hand over his mouth; as such, Sasha was only able to manage just that before he managed to speak.

"Don't hurt her, whatever she's done to you, it's not worth this, don't hurt her… "

Freezing and furrowing his brow as though just realizing something, Kenny suddenly smiled.

"Hey. Hey now."

He snapped at Sasha.

"Let him go."

She looked like she would rather cut off her own ear, but she slowly complied.

"Step over her, boy."

Eren didn't move.

"Why?"

"Relax, I'm not going to hit her."

Slowly, with unease in every step, Eren closed the distance, passing across the invisible line that separated the two groups. His eyes made it seem like, just maybe, he could feel hope. Then, Kenny extended his arm, baton outstretched.

"You are."

Laughing at the explosion of emotion that appeared in Eren's eyes, he gestured with the baton.

"Relax, man, she's taken a hell of a lot worse than this, believe me. Only now… "

He looked down at her with a hint of malice, as she stared up at him violently.

"Maybe now, she'll get the message. There's only so many more steps I can take in this punishment ladder."

He shook the weapon.

"Take it."

Eren didn't move.

"Take it or I shoot someone randomly."

Opening and closing his mouth, with words obviously not coming to him, Eren complied. Smiling widely, Kenny turned to Mikasa and spoke as though he were instructing a cooking class.

"Now, you see right here?"

He ran a hand along her shoulder.

"Right here happens to be… "

Stopping, he cocked his head and gently ran his fingers down her chest to gently pull at her top; she turned away, disgust visible at him touching her.

"What's that now?"

He looked down, eyes narrowed at her tattoo and after several seconds, he seemed to come to a realization.

"You really ought to let that go."

Words could not describe the venom in her eyes as she looked back to him and he laughed.

"Sorry, sorry… anyway… "

His hand traced back to her shoulder.

"Right there, is her clavicle, collarbone if you prefer. Now, just wind up, and hit there once, hard as you can."

Eren looked at him desperately as he spoke.

"Just once, I know you're new to this world and everything, I'll go easy on ya."

"I.. I can't, please don't… "

Sighing, Kenny raised his gun in the direction of the rest of them.

"Please, let's not waste any more time. I've been out here long enough as is."

Turning forward, clearly understanding what his only option could be, he looked down at his childhood friend with enough pain in his eyes to cause even Annie to feel a wave of emotion.

"I'm… I'm sorry… "

Mikasa, anger draining from her face, nodded.

"Do it… "

Bringing back the baton like he was chopping wood, Eren faltered in the air for just a moment and the baton visibly quaked. Then, moaning, he swung it down. There was a harrowing crack and Mikasa howled at the asphalt as her shoulder almost seemed to bend. Eren immediately dropped the baton and made to crouch next to her, likely to apologize and offer comfort by any means he could; Kenny grabbed him by the arm and shoved him away and he crashed to the ground next to Armin.

"Not bad, not bad… I almost believed you really tried."

He picked up the baton himself.

"Ah well, one more for good measure."

Eren and Sasha both shouted as he brought his own arm back, sick smile plastered on his face as Mikasa gasped at the ground. Suddenly, he froze and spun his head ninety degrees. Swearing then, he shoved his men off of Mikasa and tossed the baton back to its owner as the sound of tires on the road and engines sounded just beyond sight. He barked several quick orders and his officers set about to acting in such a way as if they were actual servants of the law as two more police cars pulled up. The door on the first one opened and closed; Annie felt an involuntary wave of pleasure at the look on Kenny's face.

"Deputy Chief, I uh… wasn't expecting to see you here!"

"I got a radio in from one of your boys… looks like you have your hands full."

A look of actual anger seemed to sprout from Kenny's face.

"Yes… yes uh… not much I think you need to worry yourself about though, uh… "

"Tell you what, I'll make your life a little easier and take these people back to the station."

If he could have denied this, as it was clear he wanted to, Kenny likely would have. But instead, he swallowed what looked to be a hard pill and nodded quickly.

"Yeah okay, thanks."

He turned away to order his men about and Annie looked to Hange; she was looking to Erwin Smith with the most amount of gratitude Annie had ever seen on her face.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Two more police just rolled up. What do you want me to do?"

"You still have eyes on the girl?"

"Yes."

"Can you make the shot?"

"Of course I can make the shot."

…

…

"Should I take it?"


	23. Chapter 23

" _ **Some people believe holding on and hanging in there**_

 _ **are signs of great strength.**_

 _ **However, there are times when it takes much more strength**_

 _ **to know when to let go and then do it."**_

― _**Ann Landers**_

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"No, stop."

"What?"

"Don't take it."

"But… we're right here!"

"I know. But we followed them not expecting all of the bullshit down there."

"It's just cops! And Ackerman's corrupt as fuck, everyone knows… "

"I know. But I don't care. We're leaving."

"I… "

"Nothing more. This was… foolish of us to consider. When we hurt them, I want them to hurt… very, very badly."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"… _I just wish you would tell me what happened… I know we don't know each other… as well as we could, but, you looked so awful this morning."_

"I'm okay, I promise. Let's just say I'm not wholly trustful of phones right now."

" _I see. When… can I see you again?"_

"Missing me already?"

" _A bit. I just want to talk, talk openly, not… not lie."_

"I'm not lying."

" _I… I believe you, but…. It still worries me."_

"I know. Soon. I have something I need to do, but hopefully I'll be able to see you before it's over. What's your schedule looking like tomorrow?"

" _Free as you want it to be."_

"I don't want to take you away from your job."

" _I don't want you to think I prioritize work over this."_

…

"Early afternoon?"

" _Sure. Same place?"_

"Please."

" _Alright."_

"How's the baby? I wasn't sure that your sister would be up to handling something like that… "

" _Kid's fine. No, it's good to see her talking happily again, even if it is to a baby. She'll take good care of it, I can promise you that. She may be paranoid, she may despise leaving the house more than anything, but she cares more about children more than anyone else I think."_

"Do I get to meet her, ever?"

" _Probably, in time. I wouldn't put a date on it."_

…

" _Joe… this just feels so… wrong."_

"Tell me about it."

" _Where are its parents?"_

"Somewhere where this kid could be in a lot of danger. I won't keep it away from them long, I promise. As soon as… as soon as I can, I'll take it back."

" _Okay… I trust you."_

Hearing those four words hurt him a lot more than they should have.

"Alright, well I'd better get back to work… "

" _Please don't push yourself too hard, I know you say you're fine, but you looked like shit this morning."_

He shivered; despite the blankets that wrapped him and the sweat on his forehead, he still felt frigid.

"I won't. It's not strenuous work, per say. Just is gonna take a little time."

" _Okay… bye Joe."_

"Bye Florian."

He remained sitting there, with the ended call tone ringing in his ear for a minute or so before he finally put the phone down and leaning back on the couch, sighing and then falling into a coughing fit. This, of course, was the same moment that Mina returned from her errands and dropped the bags at the front door, running over to him as quickly as she could.

"Hey, hey, hey! Breath!"

She tentatively put a hand on his back, clearly unsure what to do; as his eyes watered, he managed barely to speak hoarsely in between coughs.

"Water… if you would… "

Obviously happy to comply with his request, she rushed off to the kitchen; through his fit, he heard the filling of a glass and the rapid pacing of someone returning. By now, his coughing was so bad that he could feel the touches of gagging.

"Are you okay… ?"

He slid off the couch, onto his knees and retched hard. Vision blurring and the world shifting in and out of blackness, he could hear her crying out in fear. Then, the coughs faded and he lay there on his side, taking deep breaths as he felt blood rush to his head, waiting for the pain in his chest to settle. He could feel her hands on his shoulder and arm, there, but knowing there was little she could do. Finally, he righted himself slowly; sitting on the floor with his back against the couch, he gave a pained smile and reached out for the water she had set down. Fear in her eyes, she handed it over and he drained it instantly.

"Much…. Much better."

She still wouldn't stop staring at him, eyes wide and scared.

"Please… just let me take you to see someone, just… "

"No."

"Not a hospital, just a local doctor or… "

"No."

Gritting her teeth, she stood and took his empty glass.

"Goddamn you."

Walking the glass back to the kitchen, he watched her before sighing more gently and pushing himself back onto the couch.

"He does… believe me, he does."

He returned to the task that had been occupying his time before the phone call. Hauling a pile of papers back to his right, he blinked sight back into his eyes and started dragging his eyes across the records Mina had been able to procure, steal, or otherwise obtain at his request. She walked slowly back into the living room and sat down slowly in a chair across from him. Keeping quiet, she sat still for minutes as he looked over pictures and screenshots.

"Any… any luck? With anything?"

Sighing, he rubbed his eyes.

"It's weird, I been looking at this since eight in the morning and… "

"Eight?"

"Uh… "

"You said you would go back to sleep after I dropped these off at the house."

"I uh… I tried, see, but… "

She looked genuinely upset.

"You need to take a nap. Now."

Joe knew it was going to start pissing her off, but he shook his head again.

"No."

Mina opened her mouth, clearly with some choice words in mind and he jumped in before she shut him down.

"This is more important."

He thought to the phone conversation he had been having not minutes earlier.

"I have priorities, and sleep is not one of them right now."

Looking pained, she opened her mouth again and he pushed the subject aside.

"So… which of these folders has traffic light pictures of the night that… you know."

Sobering her very quickly, she cleared her throat quietly and sifted around in the box a moment before handing him a folder.

"Here, but… hey, those are from the one by the highway light."

"Yeah."

"Our house isn't anywhere near the highway, there are four or so lights in between that… "

"I know. But right now… "

He narrowed his eyes and set two of the pictures aside.

"… I want to know where these jerkoffs came from."

Realization dawned on her face.

"You're trying to see if they came from out of town."

"Yes."

He handed her the pictures he had set aside.

"These are the only two cars to come off the highway that night. Recognize either of them?"

It took her several seconds before she handed them back.

"The Impala belongs to one of the workshop boys, they're out of town a lot. But the SUV… I've never seen that one around town."

"Are you sure?"

She gave him a look.

"It's not a big town."

Raising his hands in a gesture of goodwill, he looked back to the folder.

"Just making sure."

He continued poring over the pictures, and a minute passed before she spoke again.

"What's the matter?"

Rubbing his head and wincing, he shook his head.

"This car is seen going through the first intersection and then taking a right in the center of town… "

"Towards here."

"Yes. But… there isn't any footage shot that record it coming back. Or exiting out of town by any of the ways it could have gone. Is it true there is a dirt road out of town by the flat?"

"There was. It was closed a year and a half ago when half the flat collapsed onto it. It isn't even really possible to hike it."

Cursing, he rubbed his head again.

"Then, it doesn't make sense. Killed by men, likely over drugs, from out of town. But… there isn't anything here that places them here other than driving them in, which… "

It became very clear to him all the sudden, and he blinked in confusion at his own stupidity.

"Which means they never left."

He got to his feet so quickly that the blood rushing to his head felt like it would spurt out his ears. Wobbling briefly, he started for the door.

"I'm gonna need you to do me a favor."

She had already been following his nervously, step by step.

"What?"

"Don't follow me."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The holding cell that they had been placed in hadn't been as bad as Annie had been expecting, but after having to spend the night in the room, surrounded by several other cells with a few less than classy inmates, she was starting to feel a little restless. A couple of the more lewd gentlemen had decided to make several passing comments towards a group of women who they must have felt lucky to be in the same room as. They were quickly deterred after one of them reached through the bars for Mikasa's leg, and Sasha had leaned over and advised him against it. After he had been screaming and clutching at his broken hand for over ten minutes, an officer had entered and dragged him out of the room. Thus, no other inmates had made a move or said a word; in fact, they seemed to be scooting away from that particular cell.

It may have been the worst Annie had ever felt in her life; depressed, confused and livid all at the same time had her down on the ground, eyes closed, trying to make sense of what the world had come to in the short span of twenty four hours. Though she hadn't slept a wink that night and didn't plan to, she preferred to keep her eyes closed regardless. Looking at everyone else only fueled her enflamed mood further.

 _How can this have happened..._

As far as Hange had been able to tell, Mikasa's collarbone was fractured, not broken, so while this allowed for slight relief, it was still obvious the pain she was in. She sat, leaning against the wall, eyes staring dead at nothing in particular. Armin was leaning against her good shoulder, looking more furious than Annie had ever seen him, and Eren looked to be in the most dire straits of the three. He was sitting near the others, but no so much that he was within touching distance; his face reminded Annie very much of how Joe had been when Mikasa had flown to California and been…

 _Damn._

She had seen him. They all had. He had been there.

 _How…_

Sasha was in one corner of the cell, eyes closed unnaturally tight as though she was trying to wake from some particularly awful dream, Ilse on the floor next to her, the only one who seemed to be willing to try to sleep, though it appeared she was having little to no success.

"Do me a favor."

These words were whispered unexpectedly in Annie's ear by Hange.

"Keep an eye on the two of them. No matter… no matter what happens."

Annie knew immediately what she was talking about; sitting on one of the three benches, Ymir and Krista sat shoulder to shoulder. Their expressions were so dead that she had trouble believing they were still breathing. Their held each other's hand, but it didn't look to be any kind of comfort in the gesture. Rather it seemed as though they would both crumble to dust if they released their grip. Finding a newfound confidence in the purpose she had been given. Swallowing for the first time in hours, she straightened her back and slowly breathed out, locking eyes with a couple that was in more hell right now than she could imagine.

By now, the tension had faded somewhat, but deep down, everyone was wondering just what exactly was going to happen to them. They had been in there for hours now, and while Hange had been thrown into the cell later than the rest of them, she seemed no wiser to what their predicament could result in. There was no sign of anyone who had dropped them off at the prison, nor had they been approached by anyone knowledgeable about their situation. Plenty of fear could be sensed in the air as they all pondered, some more seriously than others, what their fate may be.

With a tremendous, heavy clang, the door swung open, and the guard was brushed aside very quickly by the tall, imposing Erwin. The sight of him roused the criminals that surrounded them in the surrounding cells.

"Fuckin' boy scout!"

"When do I see my wife again, chief?"

"You're dead when I get outta here… "

Ignoring them, he walked to the door of their cell and looked in on them; silent for several seconds, he slid a key in and swung it open.

"Everybody out."

Sasha quickly pulled up the drowsy Ilse and Annie watched Ymir and Krista stand as though they were machines. Quickly and quietly, to the furious shouts of the other inmates, they stood and filed out. Following Erwin, they walked out into the long white hall that led to the holding room; passing through another door Erwin made sure it was sealed behind them and then stopped abruptly enough that Ilse nearly ran into his back. Sasha opened her mouth to speak, voice cracking from its long period of no use.

"How are you able to let us out?"

He turned, passive and steeled expression ever-present.

"Kenny may be able to bend the rules, but so can I. This was the best I could do with the time I had."

Annie narrowed her eyes, ready and waiting for the catch to come. He exhaled through his nose with an air of regret.

"One of you has to stay; he needs a scapegoat."

At once, several voices spoke, Annie included.

"I'll do it."

"Me."

"I'll stay."

Hange stepped forward, overriding the voices of Ilse, Sasha and Annie.

"I'll be the one to stay."

Erwin looked at her, unblinking.

"You understand that once I hand you over to him, I have no more control over this situation. All I can do is fry the docs relating to the rest of them."

She smiled.

"I do. And I know that you're putting yourself under his radar by going against him and behind his back."

"That isn't important, I don't… "

"Yes, it is. For you, this is the least I can do; I'm the one he knows he can get the most out of."

Her smile widened and a mischievous air became present.

"Though he won't get a damn thing."

Sasha was at her sleeve like a frightened child.

"Hange… you can't do this. You're the most important person here, if you go… "

Her brow furrowed angrily and she pointed aggressively at Erwin.

"And you! What the hell do you mean, 'no more control'?! You make it sound like that one fucker handing over Jesus!"

He raised his eyebrows briefly as though impressed by her analogy.

"That's an apt comparison, actually."

Sasha opened her mouth furiously, but didn't seem to know what to say. He kept talking.

"More than once, since he took his position, people who clearly were not on good terms with him were taken in. They go through the same process as everyone else, then just… disappear. We don't know where they go, and we can do nothing about it, but we can guess."

He turned his gaze to Hange.

"You should know that."

She nodded.

"I imagined he would do as much. Thanks for the warning."

Sasha was back at her side again immediately.

"Don't do this… let one of us… "

Seeing a chance to speak up, Annie stepped forward as well.

"Only one of us needs to stay, not the most important person here."

Hange actually seemed to get angry.

"No, absolutely not. You are all young, strong. Ultimately, I've gotten you all into this mess. No one is going to take this fall other than me."

Ilse had tears in her eyes.

"One of us can take it! No matter what he dishes out, no matter how bad!"

"Are you sure?"

She faltered just long enough for Hange to smile and take her arm.

"No matter which of us stays behind, I'm sure he'll have hell in store. I will not let that happen to any of you."

Mikasa spoke, finally, calm and strong voice adding some much needed solidarity to the conversation.

"What will we do without you?"

"I've frozen the business, save for our basic imports and exports. For now, the business will not be run by me. It may never be run by me again, depending on… "

Sasha made a noise and ruptured into tears; looking regretful, Hange pulled her close and held her like a mother as she continued to speak.

"Do as he says and please be safe. I've given him instructions on what to do if I… you know."

Silence fell between all of them before Ilse quickly closed the distance and pulled the older woman into a tremendous hug and, with a sob, Sasha joined them.

The farewells were brief; Eren and Armin stood back, next to Erwin, clearly understanding little of what was happening, but knowing this wasn't something that was their concern. After dislocating herself from Ilse and Sasha, Hange embraced Mikasa for a long while and they exchanged whispered words before she turned to Annie. The blonde didn't know what to say and, for a moment, was only able to reach out and grasp her shoulder.

"Hange… thank you. For everything."

Annie received a sad smile.

"I don't know if you ought to be thanking me."

She became almost indignant.

"Yes. I should."

After several seconds of looking at each other, she smiled and squeezed Annie's shoulder tightly and stepped over to Krista and Ymir. Both of them seemed to only somewhat acknowledge what was happening. Looking at both of them softly, she said very quietly,

"I'm so sorry."

Ymir shook her head, speaking in a flat tone.

"It isn't your fault, Hange. Please don't blame yourself for this."

She stepped forward to hug her and as they held each other, a voice, so meek and so destroyed spoke quietly from next to them.

"Hange… please don't go… "

Krista's voice nearly broke Annie's heart, and it seemed to strike Sasha hard as well, who gave another sob. Hange stepped over to Krista, who had been staring at the floor since they had left, but was now crying silently. She wiped the tears from the blonde's cheeks and took her shoulders.

"Stay strong. Whatever has happened to you, no matter how awful, stay strong."

They hugged longer than any previous and Ymir had to help Krista stand as they split apart. There seemed to be tears in Hange's eyes as well as she nodded to Erwin. He nodded in return and pointed to the door behind him.

"Out that way, and to the left. He's waiting for you."

He then gestured back the way they had come, and Hange followed him back to the door; just before passing through it, she turned back to them, offering one final smile.

"I love you all. Please don't ever forget that."

And then, she stepped through and was gone as the door thudded loudly in place. They all stood still more minutes before Mikasa finally stepped forward to lead their way back out into the world. Their footsteps sounded terribly hollow as they walked wordlessly down the hall and into the lobby. They passed by the front desk and walked out the front door, ignoring the looks they received. Outside, standing by the curb and looking off towards the cloudy sky, was Levi. He turned, bored gaze eyeing each of them in turn.

"Guess she took the hit after all."

He looked back forward.

"Guess I knew she would."

Annie looked at him, trying to read his expression.

"She left the company with you."

"Yes. And, by extension, all of you."

His eyes settled on Eren and Armin briefly.

"Save for these… others."

Jutting his chin towards the lot, he stepped off the curb.

"Let's go, I have cars waiting."

They all continued to walk in silence as Mikasa drew up alongside him; Annie was still watching him as closely as she was able. Mikasa spoke, sounding as indifferent as he did.

"How much do you know about what happened?"

He turned his head to the left, and Annie caught the look of disgust on his face.

"Enough. Fucking disaster. I knew he's been playing with power, but this… this is something else. Something is going to need to happen, but for now, my concern is getting you all to safe and quiet as quickly as I can."

He continued to rant, furiously under his breath.

"Un-fucking-believable. Day couldn't have been more fucked if it tried. Lost a shipment in the morning, heard about you all hours after that, then got that damn call, can't fucking believe Joe didn't… "

Mikasa stopped dead in her tracks as he cut himself off. Annie felt a growing anger in her veins as she tried to comprehend what he had just said. He had stopped as well, and then, very slowly, he turned to look back, eyes downcast.

Annie realized she had never seen him look nervous before.


	24. Chapter 24

He found the car much quicker than he had imagined he would. Not that he was complaining, but in his current state, he truly wasn't sure the best way to approach the situation. After several minutes, he had exited the car with a confident plan in mind; stepping into the restaurant, he found that only three tables were occupied; an elderly couple who took a minute to pass the salt, a very green group of high schoolers who seemed like be taking pleasure in making phallus related humor, and three men in a corner, speaking quietly and mostly wearing darker clothes. His instincts didn't take long to single out who he was here for; playing off to the head server that he was waiting on someone, he ignored the look he received for his likely awful looking state and watched as carefully and inconspicuously as he could.

 _C'mon… c'mon you suckers, gimme something to work with…_

Finally, he made eye contact with the server who was working their table and he slid quietly into the kitchen after him; after catching up to the server and quickly playing off the polite demand that he wasn't allowed to be back there, Joe had requested quietly that he place this small device without notice on the underside of the table he was serving. Seeing the immediate reluctance, he had quickly swayed the server with several bills that brightened his face considerably.

So now, Joe sat in Mina's car, listening closely for now what had been close to an hour to the conversation being held by the three men. Not one thing had been spoken that he could use as proof to think he would be able to go after these men as the killers of her father, and he was starting to get antsy. His fever, if that was what it was, had spiked and he was constantly wiping his forehead of sweat while shivering from time to time.

"So, you wanna come over this weekend?"

"Your sister gonna be there?"

"Man, you need to chill the fuck out… "

"Relax, relax, I'm kidding. Yeah, I wouldn't mind, we're not due back into town until Monday, boss's orders."

"Think she's still pissed at us?"

"No. I think she's still pissed at you."

Joe leaned in involuntarily.

"Ah well, I'll have to apologize… well, let's get the check."

Swearing and punching the dash, Joe leaned back, ignoring the throb in his head at the sudden movement.

 _So close…_

"You think we got away with it?"

There was a long string of silence as something was slid across the table.

"I'm not gonna question it. The police sound like they gave up, or just didn't care. Did you hear what his daughter did though?"

"What's that?"

"Stormed into that big bar downtown, yelling and shouting, saying she was looking for someone to help her track down the people who bumped off her father."

"Holy shit."

"No way."

"Yeah man. Then, halfway through this speech, this waitress drags her outside and kicks her teeth in by the sound of it."

Three sets of laughter sounded gently.

"Oh well… man, I do kinda feel bad… "

"Don't. You're a fuckin' idiot, but we got no reason to dwell on it. What's done is done."

There were shallow murmurs as something dropped onto the table and the sound of chairs being pulled back sounded. After thirty seconds, the front door opened and the three men slouched out to the car Joe had been watching and pulled away. For several seconds, he was only able to sit in silent shock before he shook free; vision blurring slightly, he gave a victorious smile and started the car.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Sitting at a long table with her fists clenched in her pockets, Mikasa fumed quietly while Levi spoke.

 _Liar._

He had played off saying Joe's name as that Hange had mentioned it to him at the police station, how he had somehow made an appearance at the hospital, but that hadn't been what she had been able to read from his face. He had caught himself quickly, but she had seen the deception in his eyes and had pushed the subject aggressively. Had Annie not been there, it may have gotten out of hand.

 _Liar._

Staring daggers at him seemed to do little to nothing; he had as strong and unbreakable a gaze as any of them. Annie was beside her at the table, hand on her thigh, less as comfort, and more as a precaution to make sure she didn't do anything she would regret.

 _Liar._

The drive to the cabin, or lodge as it was large enough to be, had lasted over an hour, and Levi had insisted that it was necessary in order to keep them all as safe as possible; in their current situation, Kenny could have had eyes anywhere in town. The only one that had been there when they arrived had been Petra, who had greeted them nervously, but warmly, then fallen into a state of speechlessness as an physically and emotionally exhausted Sasha collapsed into her, sobbing. Sitting down with her on the couch and holding her, Petra had silently comforted her until the brunette drifted into much needed sleep. She lay on the couch now, head on Petra's lap, fast asleep while Levi addressed the rest of them at the table.

 _Fucking liar._

She would find out what he knew. No matter how it was driving her mad now, she knew that patience was what she needed. So she sat there, raging silently, while he spoke.

"… why you all need to remain here until we can better gauge what Kenny's after and how badly he wants to go after your group now, if at all. I'll run it as best as I'm able, but I don't doubt that he'll make it as much of a pain in the ass as possible."

Ilse's voice, weak and cracked, sounded briefly.

"And we're staying put out in the middle of nowhere… "

He looked at her, gaze flat.

"I made a promise that I would keep the six of you safe. I intend to keep good on that promise."

"Why would you make a promise like that? What have we… has Hange ever done for you?"

If possible, he looked briefly stiffer than usual and instead of answering, he looked to Eren and Armin, both of whom looked massively out of place as well as frightened and hurt.

"As for the two of you, I have no such obligation to protect you. But, through what happened, you've put yourself on Kenny's radar."

Mikasa felt a brief interlude of regret for how the both of them had been sucked into the colossal mess that had come into existence. Armin had very painfully related the details of his phone call, the drive out, and what he and Eren had found in the minutes prior to the rest of them arriving. The ramifications of the setup were many, but they had all silently come to the conclusion that Kenny had his hand in the political race as well. That or there was something he was after none of them knew about.

"You're welcome to stay here as long as his threat remains."

She was surprised by his rare show of compassion, but she also knew that this offer almost most certainly had an ulterior motive. Eren opened his mouth, but, even more surprisingly, Armin spoke.

"No."

They all regarded him with hard, confused glances and the steel on his face quickly melted into an apologetic shyness.

"I'm sorry, but no thank you. I… entering this political campaign, I knew there was corruption and shadiness, that was what I wanted to clean up if I made it to office. But now… I see that it is a lot worse than I imagined."

He looked around at all of them, and Mikasa felt a strange rush of guilt as his disappointed gaze landed on her.

"I… I don't know all of what you do, and I don't want to. I'm going to go home and continue running this campaign as best as I can. If I make it into office, I'll start cleaning this town up."

Standing, he looked at the ground as though now able unable to look at any of them.

"I won't tell anyone about what's happened."

He looked to Krista and Ymir, both of whom had been staring to the table with no words spoken between them.

"I'm very sorry."

As they looked to him, he swallowed and quickly left for the front door. Eren rose jerkily and opened his mouth again, but seemingly could find nothing to say, and he jammed his hands in his pockets and followed after his friend. Levi stared after them, saying nothing. Mikasa looked the same way and felt as though a clock was ticking down very quickly; launching herself to her feet, she looked to Levi as Annie started to stand next to them.

"I'm going with them."

He started to shake his head and she was quick to elaborate.

"Just for the rest of the day. I'll be back."

For several seconds, she stared challengingly at him, expecting him to deny her at any moment. Then, he very quietly and menacingly spoke.

"If you're not back here by tomorrow at noon, I'm tearing their house apart."

Nodding, she grabbed her jacket and ignored Annie's hand on her arm; half-running to the front door, she cursed Levi under her breath as she caught up to her friends, who now may have had the most bleak outlook on their childhood friend as they were able.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Mina had been tracking the sun in the sky for hours, and now, as it dipped just below the horizon, she was strongly getting ahold of the girl who he had entrusted the baby with and see if she had any idea where he was. This wasn't the first time she had been waiting on him, but this was considerably the most worrisome of the occasions. He had looked like death, taken her car and she realized she had just let him.

 _Stupid… stupid, how I could just let him do that, I will never know…_

Her legs and feet were terrifically tired from pacing, but she knew that sitting would drive her mad. Instead, she pressed her forehead against the glass of the front window for the umpteenth time and wished she would see headlights pulling up the road. Just darkness and dirt greeted her sight and she swore and turned away, pacing back into the kitchen.

 _What did he find? What did he know?_

The questions flooded through her mind on repeat; she knew she couldn't determine by herself what his mind had concluded, nor where he had gone, nor where he was now and that may have been the most torturous part about it.

 _Come on… get back here, don't…_

The sound of dirt under tire and the rumble of her car's ancient engine caused her to spin quickly enough that she almost toppled over. Sprinting through the house to the front door, she nearly slid into many a wall with her socks finding no friction against the smooth, wooden floor. Half-running into the front door, she smashed it open and sprinted down the front stairs, taking them two at a time. As the car pulled up and stopped, she felt an incredible surge of relief, which was quickly destroyed as he climbed out; in the dark, he looked even more like a sick ghost.

"Are you alright?"

She was surprised at herself for asking this question first, but it came involuntarily. He didn't answer, but killed the engine and closed the door. He remained there for several seconds, staring at her across the distance of about ten feet. Then, she swore she could have seen him smile as he wobbled on his feet.

"Found em'."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

It was nearing midnight in the cabin and Ymir found herself drug from the confines of her bed by her conscious yet again. Krista had passed out over two hours ago, surely due to her plain exhaustion more than actually wanting to sleep. Ymir quietly rose and walked to the window and watched the moon slowly drag its way into the sky. In her chest, her heart was howling so painfully that she was actually glad at how long it had been; it had allowed her to get used to the agony.

Working her way to the hall, she could hear someone, probably Sasha, snoring from several doors down. She envied the others' ability to sleep.

Slinking into the bathroom, she gently closed the door and flicked on the light; she quietly rifled through the contents of the cabinet, hoping to find some pain relief pills with drowsiness side effects. As she half-toyed with the idea of downing the entire container if she found them, she realized that the cabinet didn't have any pills whatsoever.

"Fuck's sake… even just some cyanide, shit… "

As she muttered the dark joke quietly, her fingers slid across something more interesting. Pulling it out from the bottom shelf, she stared down at it blankly. The idea of what to do with it was immediately there, and she just as quickly shook her head at her own stupidity.

 _Are you out of your fucking mind… ?_

But even as she asked herself the question mentally, she knew that that was exactly what she was. Taking a deep breath, she sat down on the rim of the bathtub and rolled up her sleeve. She had never tried to do anything like this before, but she imagined there wasn't much too it. Moving her arm over the basin as she wasn't sure exactly how messy it would be, she pulled the plastic cover off the razor and exhaled calmly.

"What the fuck are you doing… "

Her own words had no meaning to her as her mind offered a rebuttal just as quickly.

 _This is the least you deserve._

Gently, slowly, she pressed the blade against her forearm and held it there, then pulled. Blood appeared immediately and ran down to her clenched fist; she relaxed her arm as the stinging pain shouted at her. And for a brief instant, she realized that she had forgotten why she was doing this. She remained sitting there, pondering this realization for over a minute, as blood ran down her fingers and began to drip mesmerizingly into the basin.

 _Oh, I get it._

Smiling, she pressed the blade back to her arm.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The drive back to the house could not have been quieter, and Eren found himself wondering again why Mikasa had chosen to come back with them. He had thought perhaps that she wanted to apologize for what she had done, what she had hidden for who knows how long, but she hadn't seen fit to say a word after climbing into the car with them.

Eren's head was raging terribly; he still couldn't bring himself to come to grips with what had happened over the past couple days. This was not something he could ever have seen coming, nor wanted to. All these girls, some of whom he had known since elementary school were involved in something much bigger than he knew he could see. And this life had taken the life of Krista's child and it sounded very much to him that it had also taken the life of their leader.

 _How… how could this have happened to all of them?_

Mikasa's face had been as set as stone since they had departed and he had risked a glance over many times, thinking he might catch some betrayal of emotion on her face. Because there was still a question that remained more vague than all the others.

 _Joe…_

There had been a very brief aggressive exchange between her and Levi outside the police station and it sounded to him as though there was serious contemplation that Joe had somehow been at the hospital. Eren had never found out how he had passed, but he knew very well that he was gone. All someone had to do was look at Mikasa to see that, but now, it seemed as though he might somehow be alive.

 _That, or they're all seeing ghosts._

He still hadn't forgiven Joe for what he had done, but if, somehow, he had cheated death and was… somewhere, then… Eren clenched his fist.

 _God help him._

The car pulled into the driveway and they all stepped out in silence and Eren could see the same worry he felt reflected on Armin's face. The house was dark and just as quiet; Eren cleared his throat as the front door closed behind them.

"Well, uh… I guess I'll take the bathroom first if that's alright with the both of… "

This was far as he got before a hand took him by the collar and dragged him into the bedroom; he barely had time to guess at what was happening before Mikasa threw him onto the bed. Armin, who had followed them speechlessly, could only gape as she turned to look at him.

"Armin, get changed please."

He stared for several more seconds before swallowing and nodding; aspiring public figure or not, the command in her voice was not something he seemed able to resist. Eren pushed himself up to his elbows.

"Mikasa, what the hell are you… "

She shoved him down again and climbed on top of him, forcing his head down on the mattress.

"Please, Eren."

As her body lay itself over his, her voice whispered in his ear as she held him down.

"I need this."

He wanted to tell her that this was wrong, that this wasn't something that was going to solve anything right now, that he couldn't fathom why this was something she wanted to do. But he couldn't. He could only submit as she reached past him to open a drawer that was full of objects that would have made his mother faint. Next to them in the darkness, he felt a third body join them and he gave in, allowing her to take him off into the night.


	25. Chapter 25

" _ **I can feel the hurt.**_

 _ **There's something good about it.**_

 _ **Mostly it makes me stop remembering."**_

― _**Albert Borris**_

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Mina realized as she lay awake, letting the hours tick by, that she had never expected him to succeed.

 _Is it really what I wanted?_

Of course it had been. When she had stormed into the bar that night, shouting for assistance in conducting her own personal revenge, she had known very well what she had wanted the final outcome to be. She wanted this person, or persons, to be found and brought to justice. But only now, as minutes passed until the rising of the sun, she realized she did not know what that justice ought to be.

What she wanted it to be.

He had done his part; in many regards, he had gone above and beyond what she had wanted of him. He had gotten her more than a name, he had gotten everything she would need if she wanted to track these three men to the ends of the earth. More than that, he had given her more than she had bargained for; the brief care of a baby, who she still fretted had been snatched unjustly from its parents, and the care of a sick and battered him himself. She honestly hadn't minded, with all that had been going on, it was almost refreshing to have something else on her mind other than blind anger and vengeance.

 _What do I want now?_

This was the real question and the one that had certainly hurt her the most. A primal, more vindictive side of her screamed for the pain, even the death of these men on the spot. Just have him drive her to where he had tracked them and execute them, just as they had executed her father. But every time she drew this parallel, she was forced to think of her father and how little he would approve of this course of action. She thought of turning them over to the authorities, but when she thought to how little they had tried to find these men in the first place, and even further to how quickly they were likely to be freed from their captivity, she found herself dismissing this as well.

 _What do I want?_

She had to decide. There was no more time to think about this, she had been gifted plenty of time to ponder this, and she hadn't.

 _What do they deserve?_

Sleep did not grace her until hours later.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Glancing at the digital clock on the dash, Mikasa very nearly let a smile cross her face as she realized how close she was to surpassing Levi's deadline.

Nearly.

As she pulled behind the lodge that was passing as their safe house, she felt a particularly savage satisfaction cross her gut as she thought to him squirming nervously, not knowing where she was. There were a great many places she could have gone, had the time to have had gone, but she had done as she had said, and had only stayed the night with Eren and Armin. The night had been long and tempestuous, and as it normally went, she had left well before either of them had woken. As she exited her vehicle, the clock just ticked past a quarter to noon and she wondered if Levi would still give her shit for cutting it as close as she had.

Despite the spaciousness of the inside of the building, the quiet that consumed its innards seemed to make it feel even larger. Petra was at a computer at the table, and gave her a smile as the entered, which Mikasa almost considered returning. She was slightly relieved to see Ilse and Sasha awake and seeming to be in calm conditions; the pair of them were sitting at a large window and appeared to be playing makeshift chess with bullets of different calibers as the pieces. Annie was out on the porch and looked to be cleaning a rifle, occasionally casting a look towards the vast woods that lay beyond as though expecting something to venture from that way.

She was most surprised to see Krista sitting at the table, fiddling with her phone. For a moment, Mikasa thought of leaving her be, but she knew deep down that she couldn't just walk by. Whatever anger she felt towards her for conceiving his ( _that goddamn piece of shit)_ child, she was well aware that Krista had suffered enough and she was not about to add to that by throwing guilt at her.

 _Not anymore._

She sat down next to Krista who apparently hadn't noticed her enter and looked up in surprise that quickly began to morph into fear for which Mikasa immediately began to feel a stream of self-loathing well up.

"How's Ymir?"

Krista swallowed, but her voice was surprisingly strong, despite how quiet it was.

"Sleeping. I don't think she got any good rest last night, so I'm not going to try waking her up. Not yet anyway."

She nodded.

"And how are you?"

It almost seemed as though Krista considered this a question not worth answering.

"I'm… hanging in there."

For several seconds, they looked at each other, before Krista leapt to the side and wrapped her arms around Mikasa in a terrifically intense hug. Blinking her surprise aside, she slowly brought her arms down to return the embrace, briefly garnering the idea of the blonde being her younger sister.

"Hey, hey, it's alright… it's alright… "

"I'm so sorry… for what I did… "

Knowing this had been coming, it still hurt to hear. Right now, Krista had no right to be sorry, she had been suffering more horrendously in the past two days than Mikasa could imagine.

 _I lost him… but she lost her child. How… how can I even begin to imagine how that feels?_

"None of that now. C'mon, don't… "

"Please don't brush this aside… like it's nothing… not for my sake."

"I wasn't even… wasn't even with him back then."

"But I still hid it. I still didn't tell anyone, didn't face what had happened."

They were speaking very quietly, holding each other very tightly, and Mikasa was grateful for the ignorance that Petra, Sasha and Ilse were at least feigning.

"You told me that he didn't remember it, right?"

"He… ?"

"When he woke up the next day. He didn't remember… you know."

"No. He didn't. He was the only one who never… "

"Then, that's all I need. To know that he didn't hold me, make love to me while knowing that he was the reason you were with child… that was really it, Krista. The only reason I could truly be mad."

She felt the warmness of tears seeping through her shirt and Krista's fingers tightened around her; she shivered unnoticeably as they gripped at the scars on her back.

"Thank you… "

Reminding her heavily of Sasha, she grit her teeth and held Krista for several more minutes; they may have remained there much longer, but the sharp slam of the front door jolted them apart.

"Don't let me ruin the moment."

Levi cast them a brief, uncaring look as he turned to hang his jacket; Mikasa felt a rush of anger, not so much for his comment, but for knowing that he hadn't even been here waiting for her return which he had threatened previously needed to be by noon. Seeming to sense the flare in her gaze, he gave the smallest of shrugs.

"I knew you'd be on time."

Deciding that arguing would probably gain her nothing other than some personal satisfaction ( _that's what the bathroom's for)_ , she instead chose to grill him as best as she was able.

"Where were you?"

Kicking forward one of the duffel bags he had returned with, he didn't look at her as he replied.

"Grabbing some clothes and whatnot from everyone's living spaces."

Feeling heat on her neck, she resisted the urge to stand up angrily and instead resorted to tighten her fists out of sight.

"You just waltzed into my place?"

He still didn't look at her as he walked past the table and went to look at a security console on the wall.

"Would have asked your permission, but you were out likely engaging in some animalistic activities with your friends, such enablers that they are. So I went anyway."

Finally, he met her eyes briefly.

"You're welcome."

Her pent up aggression, which hadn't come to a true fruition the nigh previous, swelled to the point that she was honestly impressed that she didn't lunge immediately for his throat. Levi seemed to feel no intimidation from her glare and instead reached into his pocket as he walked back to the table, eyes drifting from her to Krista. He waited until she noticed his attention and looked up before speaking.

"You of sound mind?"

The bluntness of his question seemed to catch her off guard and Mikasa suddenly realized how weak she looked. Despite seeming to speak without much difficulty, her frame seemed even smaller than it normally was; she was pale, her breathing very light, and there may have been a slight shake in her hand. So it was that his seeming lack of care for how she was doing sent Mikasa to her feet, a snarl passing through her lips.

"What sort of fucked up… "

Krista grabbed her arm with a surprising amount of strength, enough to cut her off and look down. Despite the weakness that seemed to be rampant in her body, her eyes were red, but fierce.

"Mika… it's okay."

She wobbled to her feet and Mikasa immediately caught her under the arm as she looked ready to fall. Looking to Levi with a defiant look, her jaw quivered a moment before she responded to him.

"I'm fine in the head, yes. Horribly depressed, but I can still make rational decisions, if that's what you're asking."

He didn't immediately reply, only stared back at her; there was no sympathy in his gaze and it rather looked as though he was evaluating her, deciding if what she said was truthful. Finally, he swiped at his phone briefly and placed it on the table, sliding it towards her. Not knowing if this was something that she should respect the privacy of, Mikasa looked away as he spoke, his voice noticeably lower.

"It would seem that Kenny knows what Erwin did for you lot; he can't go after you directly, at least not right now, but it appears he's seen fit to let his Klan pals off the leash."

At this point, Mikasa had to look over and saw a picture on Levi's phone; it was very clearly Ymir and Krista's house and just outside near the street were the charred remains of a burnt cross.

"Appears that it was done last night at some point. Not sure if they know that you aren't there, but they'll know soon enough."

Krista looked blankly at it.

"Did… did you see any of them?"

He took his phone back and returned it to his pocket before beginning to walk off.

"No. But that's normally how it goes; they're not normally smart, but they are elusive as hell. Only times you seem them here is if they're doing a rally or just before they strap you to a cross and light a match."

Stopping, he turned back.

"Do you want me to tell Ymir?"

Breaking free of whatever fearful surprise had been holding her still, Krista shook her head quickly.

"I will. I… we have a lot to talk about anyway."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

For the first time in their brief relationship, Joe found that he was on the side that was waiting as patiently as possible for the other to make a decision. After delivering the information to Mina the night before, nearly an entire day had ticked by in which she had requested him to give her some time to think about how she wanted to handle this. He had of course agreed, but hadn't imagined that he would be waiting long enough to watch the sun set. So while he watched it disappear behind the clouds of the horizon, he placed his head in his hands while he sat on the couch.

 _Should I try and talk to her?_

He wasn't sure what she was thinking, but he had several ideas on what precisely she had in mind to deal with these men. That aside, he didn't know how long they would have while these perpetrators remained in the small shack he had traced them to, and he was well under the impression that they were wasting time as is.

 _We have to… do something._

It reached the point where he had convinced himself to go talk to her and was in the process of thinking about what to say when he heard the squeak of wooden stair underfoot, a sound he had become accustomed to hearing in the house. As Mina stepped reservedly down the stairs, a confident look on her face, he jumped to his feet fast enough to hurt his joints. Ignoring the pain, he swallowed.

"You uh… you… "

"I'm ready."

Though he had been waiting to hear it all day, it still drew up his nerves into a frantic dance as she spoke them. Doing nothing more than nod, he went to the front door and opened it for her; they stepped out into the dusky evening and climbed into the car. No words were spoken as he drove the both of them out towards the location he had seared into his brain. It was a good twenty minute drive, but it seemed to pass in the blink of any eye and, before he knew it, he was slowly easing towards the small house and killing the car lights. When they were a couple hundred feet away from the isolated structure, he stopped and killed the engine, plunging the inside of the car into darkness. The only sound for several seconds was them breathing, before he took a long inhale and spoke.

"That's where they're holed up. No houses around near enough for… gunshots to arouse any real suspicion."

He handed her a loaded handgun and his knife.

"I… I don't know what you've planned, but… that's all I can really offer. If you need me for anything, I'll be here. Oh, and… "

He reached into his jacket pocket.

"Here's a recorder I used to listen in on them. If you want to get a confession out of them to give to the police… "

She took this as well without looking at him, eyes locked on the windows of the house. Tapping his fingers on the steering wheel, he sucked in air for close to a minute.

"Just uh… whenever you're ready… "

"You've changed since we met."

Blinking, he looked to her.

"Sorry?"

"I don't know how or why, but you are not the same person I met in that room over the bar."

Finally meeting his gaze in the dark, he swore he could have seen her smile.

"And I'm grateful for it."

Then, she climbed out of the car, not bothering to slam the door and eased towards the house. It took her a minute or so to reach the building and try the door handle; it opened at her touch and, raising the gun, she stepped in, looking to her right and left before closing the door behind her, letting darkness swallow the ground again. Joe leaned back and cursed quietly; behind him from the trunk, he saw a shape sit up from where it had been lying down. He shook his head.

"I shouldn't have let you talk to her first."

Grunting, Dust righted himself and leaned casually over the backseat.

"Aw, why's that? Afraid I'd frighten her away with my boyish charm?"

Joe ignored the joke.

"I… I wanted you to meet her, in case she was someone who needed intimidation or some realism forced into her life. But… I never should have let you."

"Don't fret about it, I just worry how you may handle yourself with a lady in a dark room."

"Can you not take anything seriously?"

"I'm sorry. You handled yourself fine when you met Florian, I shouldn't have doubted you."

Growling, Joe heard Dust laugh at his annoyance before disappearing as he often did. So he was left alone in the dark, waiting and watching. Minutes passed, and he found himself trying not to imagine what was happening inside that structure. More minutes and he was starting to fret.

 _What if they overpowered her? Took her weapons? Are currently beating her? Even r… "_

His mind suddenly flashed.

" _You knew what… what that MONSTER was capable of! And you went ALONE!"_

" _Joseph… "_

" _I listened! I obeyed! And now… "_

" _If I could go back two days, I wouldn't change a thing if I thought it would put you in danger too."_

Instantly, he drew his gun and seized the car door handle, but as he made to leap out, he saw the front door open and Mina stepped out. She closed the door behind her and strode towards the car almost confidently without looking back. He watched her without blinking until she climbed in the car. Without looking at him, she stared forward and he realized that while she looked to be smiling, there were tears on her face.

"Drive."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Not truly wanting to wake Ymir up, Krista knew that she still couldn't let her sleep until dinner, which is where she seemed to be napping to at this point. Evening had arrived, and she would need to sleep tonight. Not to mention, there was a good bit they needed to talk about.

More than anything, Krista realized as she ascended the wooden stairs towards the bedrooms, she wanted almost to just drop into a hole and fall forever. To just allow darkness to wash away all of her worries would be preferable to the hell she was living presently. And as she eased open the door, she realized that Ymir was the only reason she hadn't gone looking for that hole in the first place.

"Shit… shit… take it… you fuckin' bitch… "

As the door opened to these words, Krista had only a second to guess at what she had just heard. Either Ymir was sleeping and in the midst of some erotic dream, or she was awake and making use of her alone time. As the door opened wide enough for her to see in, Krista saw Ymir's back to her, bent slightly with her head down.

"Ymir… ?"

In a terrifically swift movement, Ymir propelled herself to her feet, spinning as she did, and slammed her back against the wall, eyes wide and mouth open, the pure look of someone caught in an ill act. Krista began to process what she saw, and her heart began to pound and she could feel it begin to feel difficult to breath.

"Krista, you… "

Ymir had been sitting on a towel and was clutching her arm to her stomach where red was beginning to spread across the grey of the shirt. Something metal flashed out of sight as she jammed it behind her back. Her eyes were wide and Krista suddenly realized that, of all the moods she had seen her girlfriend in, this was not one of them. She looked scared, like a child caught with its hand in the cookie jar, or a kindergartner who just realized that for the first time they had forgotten their homework.

If only it was that unserious.

"I… I… "

Words wouldn't come out. The rock that Krista needed so desperately in her life right now was hurting herself, trading emotional pain for physical. She backed into the hallway, surprised that she hadn't started to cry.

"Hey, Krista don't… "

She took another step as Ymir reached for her, the metal in her hand dropping to the bed as extended her arm; as Krista saw the blood covering her arm, she gasped for air and turned to run. She made it two steps before Ymir wrapped her bloodied arm around her waist and lifted her off her feet; before she could say a word of protest, or even make a sound, Ymir's clean hand slapped over her mouth and pulled her into the room. Krista began to squirm as best she could as Ymir closed the door as gently as she could with her foot.

"Shh, shh, shh, hey, calm down, just calm down… "

The caressing of her voice only inspired Krista to kick and struggle further; slamming a foot against the bed, she twisted her shoulder and nearly broke free.

Then she felt the warmth on her stomach.

She stopped struggling, nearly ragdolling and Ymir, after several seconds, found fit to let her go. She then stepped over to the bedroom door, hands raised.

"Look, I know this looks bad, okay… "

"Ymir… why are you doing this?"

Barely able to choke out the question, she looked to her girlfriend, eyes dry and angry. One hand scarlet, the other pale, Ymir took several long breaths before appearing to trust herself to speak.

"I just… this is… this was good for me. I know that sounds fucked as all… "

"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT AFTER… "

Eyes widening further, Ymir pressed a finger to her lips.

"Shh! Krista, please… "

Suddenly finding breath to have left her, Krista panted for several seconds before reluctantly complying.

"After what Ilse did, how can you say that. That this is… is anything less than… "

"Look, babe, I'm not asking you to understand. I know how impossible that will be. But please… just know that this is what I need right now. It doesn't make sense, even to me, but… "

She raised her bloody arm, maroon slits visible and she gave a pathetic chuckle.

"This is the best I've felt in days."

She seemed to know this was a poor choice of words as Krista rushed up to her and slammed her against the door with more strength then even she knew she had.

"How dare you… "

"I… oh Christ, no Krista I didn't mean more than… "

"How fucking dare you… "

Ymir seemed to fold then, falling into that last state, pleading with an executioner for her life.

"You won't understand. You can't. But… it… so much… it all hurt so much. This… this is all I can do to keep it at bay."

Giving her a violent last shove, Krista slammed her against the door before turning to away silently fuming, slapping away a hand that went to take her shoulder.

"Krista… "

"Don't."

She looked to the towel that lay over the bed, to the red that soaked it, then, to the razor that had done the deed. And suddenly, there was a strange feeling in her stomach, growing and reaching. She leaned over and picked it up, staring down at the blade before wiping it on the towel. It was bright and shone with a strange light as she turned it over gently in her hand.

 _Why… why have you taken EVERYTHING from me…_

Turning then, she stared furiously at Ymir who was still leaning against the door, looking apologetic, pained, and scared all at the same time. She held up the razor.

"Show me."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

He stopped the car just near his trailer, the home he hadn't seen in days. It was dark and defeated-looking, just as he had left it that morning, which now seemed so long ago. But there was much more to worry about now, then the state of his living quarters. It was difficult, but he opened his mouth to speak, for the first time since she had reentered the car. But surprisingly, she beat him to it.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay one more night?"

The invitation was almost more surprising then how clam she sounded. His voice cracked, and he cursed the weakness that sounded from it.

"No, uh… I've imposed enough."

"I don't mind."

" _I don't mind."_

"I… that's very kind, but… "

"I didn't kill them."

He swallowed and simply watched her as she continued to speak. She still wouldn't look at him.

"I forced them to all get on their knees. I yelled and shouted and broke stuff. I wanted to scare them. I wanted them to think they were going to die."

Remaining as still as possible, he listened, somewhat in disbelief.

"Once or twice they tried talking to me and I shut them up quickly. Then, when I would have done it… I told them everything I knew about my father."

Her fingers tapped gently against her legs.

"Where he was born, how he grew up, how he came to be here, what he was like as a father, everything he did for me. I wanted so much… for them to understand that they hadn't just killed someone who had wronged them. They… they had taken the only person left in my life that I gave a damn about. The only one I loved."

She grew quiet for several seconds.

"Then I left. I just hope now they… they understand what they did."

True silence fell upon the inside of the car and Joe knew she was done talking.

"That… I uh… "

"Do you think I did the wrong thing?"

He lowered his head and smiled.

"Actually, I think that is the most 'right' thing a person I know has ever done."

She smiled, but it was more sad than anything.

"I could never have killed them. I don't think I could kill anyone. There's enough… hate and evil in this world. I'd like to think I gave them as much a chance as I had to maybe… do something else with their lives. Move on."

It became quiet again and Joe put his head in his hands, his mind ablaze with what he had just heard. It seemed nothing like anything he had heard before, to hear of that kind of mercy, to know that Mina had not wished harm on even those who had taken her father. And finally, he knew what to say.

"Thank you."

He could feel her confusion.

"For what?"

"For existing."

Lifting his head, he turned to smile at her; she was looking back, clearly unsure of how to respond. Then, she lunged forward and hugged him. Returning the embrace, he felt a strange sensation he had not felt in a long time.

"Thank you too. For giving me the opportunity to do what… what I think he would have wanted me to do."

He gave her a squeeze.

"I know he would have."

They broke apart and he smiled towards the floor for a moment before climbing out and she moved to the driver's seat. Looking out, she handed him his possessions back.

"Swing by tomorrow, would you?"

"Sure. Why?"

She seemed initially unsure of how to respond before shrugging.

"I don't know. Friends hang out, don't they?"

And he suddenly realized what he had become to her; someone who couldn't fill the void her father left, but someone who she could turn to so she didn't have to look at that void any longer.

Someone who she could call a friend.

"Yeah. Yeah, I guess they do."

Smiling, she gave him a small wave and turned off down the road, taillights fading into the darkness of the night. Finally, the silence he had so missed swallowed him. He looked up to the moon, the clouds, and the stars and silently thanked whoever was listening that people like Mina lived on this planet to balance out people like him.

He realized then that the feeling that had suddenly welled up within him, that had been something that he hadn't felt in so long, it hadn't been happiness. It had been hope.

He slept on the roof that night.


	26. Chapter 26

She awoke suddenly to a cacophony of pain, sounding throughout and in different parts of her body. Her stomach growled its emptiness, her neck and back moaned with stiffness and aching, and the dried blood on her cheek stung as it cracked while she winced, stretching the muscles in her face. She couldn't remember how the blood had gotten there.

Hange didn't take long to start perusing her restraints after the initial wakening had faded away; she was strapped to what seemed to be a chair, arms and legs bound very tightly, almost enough to cut off circulation. From how it felt on her back and fingers, the chair seemed to be cast out of metal as well as bolted to the ground. She couldn't tell what her restraints were made from, but by judging on how firm they were fastened around her limbs, they were something much stronger than rope.

After taking several minutes to determine that there was not a feasible way out of her predicament as far as she knew, she ceased struggling and tried to think back to how she may have wound up here, as well as where "here" was. The only memories she had were of saying goodbye to a group of young women who she very well may never see again, being led back to her cell by Erwin, and then dragged roughly out and down a hall several hours later. That was where her memory faded to black and she could no longer remember what had become of her. She was half-surprised that she was still clothed and seemed to only have been physically punished in a minimal way, though she imagined that was subject to change.

As if on cue, a door directly in front of her swung open, and she was quickly flashed with bright, fluorescent lights, causing her to wince and close her eyes. The door closed just as quickly, slamming loudly enough to hurt her pained ears. There were some soft, yet strong footsteps and a much more forgiving light clicked on above her.

"You're lucky Kenny has enough on his plate that he can't be bothered with you right now… "

Looking up, Hange saw a woman who was likely close to her age, looking disapprovingly down at her.

"… but don't fret, I'll make this worth your while."

She reached out into the darkness and pulled forward a cart forward and as Hange saw the tools the bristled and shone brightly, she smiled even as she felt her heart began to thunder. The woman furrowed her brow and gave her a look.

"Fuck, please tell me you're not going to enjoy this… because I have to do it one way or another, and that would just be fucked up… "

"Got a name?"

Another look.

"Of course."

"Mind sharing?"

She picked up a soldering iron and plugged it into a battery on the bottom of the cart.

"Why would you care?"

"Well in case I ever get the urge to scream for mercy, it would be nice to have a name."

The sarcasm was impossible to miss in her voice and the woman picked up on it immediately.

"You have got a lot of spunk, can't deny that."

A very thin blade slid its way into the light and gleamed for a moment before beginning to make its way towards Hange.

"Let's see how long you can keep that façade up."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

In a twisted, terrible way, Annie found herself almost enjoying being stuck out in the woods, trapped in a cabin with people who, for the moment, seemed as hardly interested in conversation as she normally was. She hated thinking that she liked their situation when she considered the series of events that had brought them here in the first place. Eventually, she just settled on assuming that her appreciation for where she was simply existed as a coping mechanism.

Lying on her bed, deep into a book she had borrowed from Petra, her door handle clicked and the frame swung open, without even so much as a knock. Levi stood in the doorway, no apology evident on his face; she had fortunately been dressed enough to not cause any friction in that regard, but she cast him a look anyway. He ignored it.

"I need to speak with you."

And he walked back down the hall, quietly and impassively as always. Annie remained sitting on the bed and blinked slowly a couple times before bringing herself to stand up and follow. The house was dark, save for a few ever present lights, and she took a minute or so to find him on the deck where she had been cleaning guns, hours earlier. Sliding her feet into Krista's slippers, which had been left by the sliding door, she stepped out, surprised at the descent of temperature; shivering, she realized that a gentle, yet steady snow now lay on the wood and was still falling around them. She would have worried about the cold if she hadn't been so intent on trying to think of why Levi had wanted to talk to her alone.

"You should know that I'm speaking to you now because I see you as the most level-headed of you all, and by consequence, the only one I feel I can trust."

She walked up alongside him and crossed her arms.

"And why is that?"

If he really was about to spill something important, she didn't want to say anything that may shake his predetermined faith in her, but she wanted to know why he was coming to her with… whatever was coming.

"When the nine of you were brought in to the station, Erwin had already brought me in and he was further able to bring Hange up briefly to his office. The three of us discussed what was about to happen and it was then that she entrusted her business, and the wellbeing of you lot, to me."

The corner of her mouth almost arched into a smile.

"Regretting that yet?"

He gave her a searching look, but didn't answer, instead choosing to keep talking.

"I picked you out of the six because you seem the one able to make the most rational decisions, regardless of the situation."

Tilting her head, she found she couldn't disagree. As snow continued to float around them, he seemed to be having a difficult time deciding if he wanted to continue.

"What I'm about to tell you, you must keep between the two of us, for now. I can't trust any of the others not to do something… rash, with this information."

She didn't prod him beyond nodding her affirmation. It was a lie, of course; while she had every intention of doing as he requested and keeping the information quiet, she had no idea what he was about to tell her. That could very much change what she was willing to with it. Levi inhaled long and slow, knuckles pressing against the railing, sinking lightly into the snow.

"Joseph did not die that day at Kenny's facility."

While Annie could have expected this, could have seen it coming, it still hit her harder than anything else he may have said; closing her eyes, she bowed her head and squeezed the railing until her fingers ached. Words came mechanically through her clenched jaw.

"Is that so."

"He's been living a couple hundred miles away under my supervision until recently."

Giving a long nod, she waited for him to continue, trying to keep her stomach from getting upset.

"The only other person who knew of his existence came into contact with me a few days ago and informed me that Joe had not come in for food or drink in days, wasn't answering his phone, and wasn't at his residence."

Annie absorbed all this information, but it all remained suspended in her mind while she tried desperately to accept this single, impossible fact.

 _Joe's alive._

She tried to picture him living, month after month, by himself, eating, sleeping, doing whatever it was that he had spent all that time doing. She wondered if he knew what he had done to them, if he knew what he had done to HER, most of all. Did he regret it? Was he living in pain? Relief? Relaxation? Fingers growing numb, she felt a boiling hate, different from how she felt towards someone like Kenny boiling up inside her.

This was worse than that.

"I immediately began trying to imagine where he could have gone, so that I could start searching for him, but in the midst of doing this, Erwin got in contact with me and told me what had happened at the hospital, that Krista had been kidnapped. So, I went, met with him and Hange and heard her story. When she mentioned Joe, I knew immediately what he had done, and knew that he must've perished with the rest of Kenny's men in the explosion."

Annie didn't know what to say as he finished speaking. There was so much to say, but no way to say it. Half of her wanted to storm back into the cabin and shout the words he had just told her, but she couldn't. Finally, her tongue began to function as it should.

"You… you've been hiding him all this time."

"I have."

"The… the two of you… absolute motherfuckers… have been lying about this for months… "

"Yes."

"How… could you fucking do this… "

"I could tell you, but you already know why, and it would change nothing."

Levi was right. Dead or alive, Joe choosing to disappear had been done with the intention of protecting the rest of them. They had known this the day it had happened, when Mikasa had fallen apart and never truly recovered. But now… now that he had been alive… Annie found herself wanting to drive to the morgue where the recovered bodies were being held, and desecrate what was left of him in every way possible.

"I… I don't… "

"Probably is a lot to process."

She somehow managed a humorous laugh.

"You think?"

He remained silent while Annie kept the world in focus. It had been him. The one who may have very well have saved Krista's life had been him. Returned from the grave to grant them one last sacrifice before being silenced in a fireball of metal and smoke. He had been right there… so close… and now he was gone again.

"There is… one more thing."

Shaking her head, she leaned over the railing, staring as the falling snow seemed to materialize from the blackness and cascade slowly around them.

"I can't imagine how you could top that."

"It may."

He took a brief respite from speaking again, to pull together the necessary words to explain the final piece of his information.

"Today. I was out gathering your possessions, yes, but that was not the only reason. Over the past twenty four hours, I have dedicated a dangerous amount of time and resources to procure a particular copy of a certain police record."

If Annie hadn't been so doubtful of her own senses, she would have thought he might have swallowed nervously.

"I obtained it."

He glanced down at his empty hand as though he could see the report now.

"It states that multiple bodies were recovered from an exploded vehicle off the highway, most of which were difficult to identify due to damage. However… "

This seemed to be where his worries lie, and he barely seemed able to relay this information.

"… of the bodies recovered, none remotely matched the physique or age of a certain former college student… nor that of a newborn."

And Annie's knees buckled; she slumped nearly over, settling for sitting in a pained crouch. Levi gently touched her shoulder, but she swatted his hand away as she tried to pull in breath.

 _No…_

There, in the dark and snowfall, Annie found herself crying, furious tears falling to the snow and freezing just as fast.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

By the time Sasha finally even turned the shower on, Mikasa had given up on getting any privacy in the bathroom and had instead decided to take the chance and lock herself in her room, hoping that she wouldn't have to deal with anyone coming and knocking. Killing the lights and allowing her only light source to come from the light outside, blurred now by the snowfall, she lay back on her bed and closed her eyes, letting her fingers drift as naturally as they would towards her midsection. She began slow, which wasn't normally like her, but she wanted to savor this, relish as many seconds of it as she could, let it help her forget. Minutes passed and she slid her pants and underwear off, providing her hand with more freedom.

She very quickly lost track of time and the lights in the hallway flicked out, signaling that the house was closing its eyes for the night and she knew then that she wouldn't be interrupted. Though she didn't imagine she would be judged if she wasn't, she kept quiet still; pride still existed in her life, despite the ample confusion and shock that still pummeled her every waking moment. Harder and faster she worked, and she began to rotate her waist as her free hand made its way towards her breasts.

"Glad to see I've been missed."

The ecstasy snapped into nothingness and she leapt from her bed, seizing the gun from the nightstand and aiming it towards the darkness where the voice had originated. Feeling a cold draft on her bare legs, she growled quietly.

"Who's there… "

As her heart began to beat at a more reasonable pace, she knew very well that she recognized the voice that had spoken. She had heard it almost every night in her dreams.

"No one, no one… just ah, let's say… your conscience, let's go with that… "

Joe's voice slipped from the blackness and while Mikasa was well aware she could slide a couple feet to her left and flip on the light, she realized that she was too frightened to see what was hidden in the gloom if she did.

"… actually, nah, I could never pull that off, scratch that… "

It was just like him, the way she could practically hear the wheels in his brain turning as he thought and spoke at the same time, the way he could start to ramble at the slightest opportunity, the way he seemed to invoke a smile in every one of his words.

"Joe?"

He stopped rambling, and for a moment, she thought she imagined it as he didn't say anything. But then,

"Well, if that's what you hear, then sure."

The gun thudded to the ground beside her, and she almost fell to her knees.

"Joe… "

"What's the matter?"

She would have screamed at him, if she didn't think that she would wind up passing out from the effort.

"What's… you fucking asshole, what have you done to me? What are you doing to me? I'm going insane, I have to be, you can't have survived that, but… but we saw you. We ALL did."

And with the most fear in her veins that had ever accompanied the simple asking of a question, she barely managed it in a whimper.

"Are… you alive?"

She could practically see the face that he made when he knew he was in trouble, or didn't want to fess up to something.

"See… I'm still just in your head. I don't know anything more than you do."

Mind spinning, racing as it had all day, she finally did then slump to her knees.

"What the fuck is happening to me? Krista, she… she had your child, she… she practically raped you, that dirty fucking BITCH… "

"Hey, c'mon… "

"But I can't be mad at her. Not after everything that… that she's lost."

He had no response to this and she looked to where he ought to be standing.

"I've thought about it, you know. Ending it."

"Don't say that, don't… "

"I don't know where you've gone, but… but I figure at least I could be there with you. Even if we were both being skinned alive in hell, I could still be with you."

Silence.

"But… now… oh Christ in heaven, Joe… if you are alive… "

Anger pummeling at her head, she glared with venom in the blackness.

"I am not going to be the only one that will want to kill you, mark my fucking words."

"Well, then for my sake, I hope I'm very much dead."

She couldn't take it anymore then, and she ran at the door and practically punched the light switch in her maddened fury to identify what was speaking to her, beyond her sight.

There was nothing but a wall.

Dropping back onto the bed, she sobbed into her pillow, wailing as quietly as she could, letting out as much of the fear, the pain, and the shock as she could. She moaned his name, praying that, somehow, he would suddenly be by her side, gently brushing her shoulder, and begging for her forgiveness. She prayed he would explain himself and would try and kiss her, and she knew that if he did, no matter how angry she was, she would wrap her arms around him and reply, never letting go.

Of course, he didn't.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The officer sighed before wiping his brow regretfully. He stood at the end of the driveway, watching his partner talk to the elderly couple towards the front of the house. It was a painful situation, and while he was fairly sure that he knew who the culprits were, he also knew that it was a good guess that they would never be pursued or apprehended. Four years ago, he would have berated himself for even suggesting that this case would remain open-ended, but it had been the same deal on the last case and the one before that and the one before that. The law enforcement of this town was minimal and it was bound to remain that way as long as the town was so terribly popular as a port for illegal trafficking.

 _This though…_

He wiped his forehead again, directing his anger towards forensics who, short scheduled as they were, weren't due to arrive for another twenty minutes at the least. Since he had wised up to the way places like this town worked, he had become little more than someone to arrive at the scene, survey what remained, comfort anyone still alive, and wait for the forensics to show up and allow him to leave. He hated it, he truly did, but there wasn't a thing he could do to change it; the suppliers, the buyers, all the illegal sects had more power than their miniscule police force. Should he ever be so inclined, should he ever see a chance to make a change, however, he questioned if after all this time, he would have the gumption to…

"Turner!"

Hearing his name, he retreated out of his head and looked up; his partner was gesturing urgently, and after several seconds, he realized that the gesture was being directed behind him. Turning, he saw slim sedan slowing up the road towards the house. He sighed; he hated having to turn away curious bystanders, concerned friends or relatives even less, but as he saw that it was only a single young man in the vehicle, he dreaded the idea of having to talk back what could very well have been a furious and shocked boyfriend. As the boy was starting to climb free of the car, the officer made it to the edge of the driveway, hands raised in a passive gesture.

"Sorry bud, can't let you go any farther."

He watched the young man's eyes travel over him, his partner and the old couple, the two police cruisers, and then the house before opening his mouth to speak.

"What's going on?"

"I'm sorry, but we can't talk about that right… "

"Don't give me that shit, what's going on?"

Despite the fear and worry in his eyes, the officer very clearly heard the anger and even the potential threat in his voice. He knew he needed to approach this carefully.

"Do you know who lives in this house, son?"

"I do."

"You mind telling me who that is and what your relationship to them is?"

The young man swallowed, but never blinked as he met the officer's gaze unflinchingly.

"Just a young woman named Mina Carolina. Her father was killed recently and she lives alone."

The next part of his sentence seemed hard for him to come out with.

"I'm a friend of hers, one of the few she has."

Before the officer could say a single word in response, he took a strong, slow step forward.

"And now, please tell me what the fuck is going on."

Whereas moments ago, he had felt almost as though he had complete and utter control of the situation, he now found himself resisting the terribly strong urge to take a step back in response. Weakly, he tried to replay his earlier attempt.

"Again, we aren't allowed to talk about… "

"Don't worry. I'm giving you my permission."

For a very short instance while he spoke, the officer watched the young man's eyes flash dangerously and his voice changed in pitch, growing deeper and menacing. Then, his eyes returned to frightened and he looked anxiously forward. There really wasn't any reason, the officer thought then, why he should keep the information from this one, genuinely concerned friend.

"Well, son, I really apologize that I am the one that has to tell you this, but… "

He looked down with a melancholy expression, not wanting to make eye contact.

"That old couple just past us, reported a great deal of gunfire from the direction of this establishment early this morning. They live a good drive that way… "

He pointed.

"… and while if you've lived here for longer than a year, you know gunfire isn't anything to normally concern yourself with, but this was a lot according to them. So me and my partner there… "

He pointed again.

"… were dispatched to their house and then they followed us here when we finished hearing their story and drove up the road to investigate."

Something between a hiss and whisper emitted from the boy's mouth.

"And?"

Scratching the back of his head, the officer kept his voice as passive as possible.

"We entered the house when no one answered the door. Miss Carolina was in her bedroom unarmed and had been shot… many, many times."

Still, the hiss persisted.

"How… many times?"

The officer was unable to keep himself from shifting uncomfortably.

"We haven't been permitted to touch the victim's body, but judging by the casings and… the state her body was in, we estimate around two dozen times she was hit, not counting all the misses near her and around her room."

The eyes washed over with pain.

"So… she's dead… "

"I'm afraid so. I'm sorry, son."

Several longs seconds as the boy stared past him to the house, eyes fogged over, possibly with tears incoming. Then, his head snapped back to meet his eyes.

"Why?"

"I… I just… "

"You're not a relative, are you?"

"No, but I imagine this must be very hard on you. Didn't have any intention of offending you."

His eyes drifted back towards the house.

"No… I don't suppose you would have had… "

And then, without a word, without a request to see her body, without anything else, he turned and walked back to his car. As he swung the door open, the officer blinked away his surprise at the sudden attempt to leave and stepped forward, calling out.

"Can I ask you your name?"

He didn't look back.

"You can."

There was an awkward pause.

"What's your name?"

"Been wondering that myself as of late."

And he slowly pulled off and spun the car around. As he watched the taillights dwindle away, the officer considered pursuing as was the law, but for whatever reason, he decided against it. In his head, he convinced himself that he was being a respectful person and didn't want to intrude on the friend's mourning.

But in his heart, he knew it was because the young man had unsettled him, far more than he would ever admit.


	27. Chapter 27

" _ **What kind of cruel truth only presents itself**_

 _ **In the moment you die?"**_

 _ **\- August Burns Red**_

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

He stumbled desperately around his living quarters, unable to balance properly, unable to think, unable, even, to really breathe. His brief conversation with the police officer felt as if had been so long ago, yet here he was, just as shocked as he had been when he had found out.

 _How did I… how could I let this happen… what was I thinking? That those… FUCKS would be as content to live and let live as she was? That they could possibly be as good of people as her after what they already had done? What was I THINKING?_

It was such a stupid mistake, allowing her to make that choice and yet not think that she may face repercussions as a result, but this consequence made the mistake seem that much more unforgivable. She was dead. He tried to grasp this, but he just couldn't bring himself to think that she could be gone. Someone with that kind of goodness, just snuffed in an instance. Staggering, he nearly collapsed against his sink.

 _What have I done?_

Moaning, he bowed his head and gripped the edge of the counter, trying to stop shaking; it was then that two rough hands took him by the shoulder and upper arm.

"Alright, you soft bastard, easy now."

He wanted to be angry that Dust was here, now, of all times, but he hadn't the strength to do anything other than grieve; Dust helped him away from the counter and towards his bed.

"C'mon now, enough of that shit. Let's just lie you down."

"I… I… I fucked up… so bad… she's gone, man, she's just gone… "

"Yeah, I know. But you need some rest, you've been losing your fucking shit all day."

"I… can't just… "

"Yeah, you can. You just… "

Joe allowed himself to be lain down and as he sank ever so slightly into the mattress and the covers, he wished the sinking wouldn't stop.

"… lie there and get some sleep."

"I have… have to… do SOMETHING… "

"Uh-huh, sleep. You let me take care of the rest."

"Let… you?"

"Yup. I got this one, buddy. Don't you worry."

Joe wanted to sit up, to tell Dust that there was no way he could just sleep while these people were out there.

 _"Thank you too. For giving me the opportunity to do what… what I think he would have wanted me to do."_

He gave a weak, agonized yell and began to cry, rolling over and wetting his pillow. In the peripheral of his mind, he heard Dust quietly walk to the door after several seconds and exit, but he didn't care to try and stop him. He didn't care much of anything at all.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

 _What do I do?_

It was a simple question, only four words that somehow perfectly encapsulated everything Ymir was trying to cope with. It was also arguably the most impossible question she had ever asked of herself.

 _What do I do?_

She knew she was being selfish, she had been since the day of the wreck. She wanted so desperately to somehow forget, to somehow move on from everything she had failed. But she knew she never would be able to, not truly. As long as she lived, she would have to live with the failure that seemed to live in her conscience for every waking moment. She had failed her father, she had failed her friends, she had failed Krista, she had failed his child, she had…

 _What?_

Sitting up in bed so quickly that she was surprised Krista wasn't roused from her much-needed sleep, Ymir tried to reprocess her thoughts. She could shrug it away as something she had simply passed over in thought, but she knew she had very well thought the word "his." Clenching a fistful of sheets, she felt her mouth contort into a snarl, almost involuntarily; if only he were here now, she would show him just how much he had fucked up and just how much he was going to pay…

 _What can I do?_

Her mind returned to its previous train of thought very quickly and she sighed quietly. She couldn't stay mad at someone who may or may not be dead, and who may very well have saved her girlfriend's life. He was not important right now.

 _She is._

She realized she had had been staring at Krista's small, slowly rising and falling form ever since she had sat up. Her eyes drifted to the roll of bandages that rested on the nightstand, silhouette almost accusingly obvious in the low lighting; she lowered her head into her hands.

 _What am I doing?_

Finally, a question she could answer. She was deflecting, almost running from what her life had become. No matter where she had come from, what she had lost, what had been done to her, she had still made the decisions that brought her to where she was now, lying in bed next to the love of her life, who was by far in more pain than she was.

 _Fuck._

Ymir dug her fingernails into her temples. This couldn't continue. She didn't want it to, but it couldn't more than that. Hurting herself, letting Krista partake in the grueling act of…

 _FUCK._

She came very close to shouting in anger before regaining control and taking a deep breath. They were all on the brink of losing their jobs, their world, their fucked up lives; this was not something she could do anymore. Despite the pain she was inflicting on herself, it was selfish, every second of it.

 _No more._

In that moment, she rose quietly from the bed and collected the towels, the bandages, and the razor. She walked silently down the hall and, knowing of the silent alarms that hung over the doors and windows, she crept down to the basement. Working her way through the utter blackness, she reached the far wall and felt at the corner; upon finding a lose plank, she pulled at it for over a minute until it came away, and she felt the hard packed dirt behind it. She spent the next half of an hour digging away at the wall before jamming the objects into the niche she had created and replaced the wood plank. Then, she walked quietly out of the basement, closed the door, and crept quietly back to her room.

 _No more._

Tomorrow, she would leave the bed and go to Levi. She would ask him what he knew about where Hange could be, and what his plan was for fighting back against the complete bastard who had put them all where they were now. Her mind clearing, she realized now how defeated the entire population of the cabin was; Mikasa mostly stayed in her room, Annie hadn't spoken a word and didn't meet anyone's gaze, Ilse cried whenever she was by herself if she thought no one was looking, though Ymir had nearly stumbled into her on more than once of these occasions, and Sasha seemed content to eat, shit, and sleep in the cabin until she died of old age. Everyone had given up.

 _Now, everyone except for me._

It was a start.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Where are they hiding?"

"Go fuck yourself."

The response was becoming weary, but it was no less satisfying to hear coming out of her mouth. That satisfaction was very quickly wiped from her mind, replaced with an awful, but now familiar, searing pain as the iron pressed against her stomach. It was no less bad than the first time it had made contact with her skin, and Hange screamed through her teeth, muscles tight against her restraints as she tried to thrash in pain. It took only seconds for the punishment to be carried out, but it seemed to last far longer; when the iron pulled away, the woman stared at her, sighing.

"I thought giving you some time alone with your thoughts would be beneficial to our next discussion, but it seems your mouth has only tightened since last night."

Despite the shaky breaths she was having difficulty pulling in, Hange still found herself able to reply.

"Did you really expect something different?"

The woman shrugged.

"Don't know. Don't know you well enough to really guess how you would deal with this."

"But your boss would."

She seemed to stiffen ever so slightly.

"He told me what he knew about you. Sort of how you worked. So I knew this wasn't going to be particularly easy."

Walking back over to the cart, her fingers dragged over plenty of objects that existed now for the purpose of causing pain.

"I know you ran the upper echelon of your operation like a family. It sounded like you were fairly close to the girls that you're now hiding."

 _More than you'll ever know._

"It feels less like I'm interrogating a local drug lord for the location of her compatriots and more like I'm interrogating a mother trying to find out where her daughters are."

Hange said nothing, less because she didn't have a retort, and more because that statement bore no falsity.

"But… that aside… "

Very quickly, she tightly gripped a large wrench and swung it around; it struck Hange's shin with a terrifically metallic thud. She shouted in pain, throwing her head back and tried not to bite her tongue to the point of bleeding.

"… I do need to know where they are."

Trying to bide her time before the next inevitable attack and trying to ignore the now screaming, agonizing pulsing in her shin, Hange went for one of the more obvious questions she could ask.

"Why do you care? Kenny already has everything he wants… our trade has been limited so much now, he could take it if we wanted to. He has me where I am now… head of that operation… "

She tried to gesture but was only able to manage a weak shrug.

"… here, half-naked and helpless. Why do you care what happens to them?"

The woman had found a pair of pliers and was pacing back in front of her.

"We don't. But we care what they may do. I've heard more than enough stories of how hot those girls can get. Do you really think Kenny trusts just hoping that they won't come storming in, guns blazing?"

The pliers closed around Hange's middle finger on her right hand.

"So, again. Where are they?"

"Go fuck yourself."

The following splintering of bone mingled with her howls over the next several seconds as the finger bent in more than one way that was not natural. Kicking and thrashing against her restraints provided little solace as tight as they were around her; she took deep, fast breaths, leaning forward and trying desperately not to dry heave.

"I'm starting to think that you don't actually know where they are."

Despite the colossal and near-deafening pain, Hange managed a shaky laugh.

"Wouldn't that be funny?"

Looking up, she saw the pliers had been replaced in the woman's hand with a moderately sized power drill and she couldn't help looking away briefly; in her moment, of weakness, the woman pounced.

"This can end, you know. We don't want any more trouble than we've already had, we just want to know where they are, so we don't have to worry about… "

"Go fuck yourself."

The woman didn't seem surprised by the abruptness and instead sighed, crouching; there was a high-pitched whirring and Hange smiled, relaxing her body. Because she knew that, no matter what was brought against her to force her compliance, she was never going to find herself giving up anything, even if it meant her death.

And as the drill pierced her skin and she screamed, she knew that was the most likely outcome anyway.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Standing in the kitchen and smiling around at the family that surrounded him, Jeremy Riggs found himself almost forgetting the reason he was able to be out and spend time with them. It still lingered, as he gently knew it always would, but it couldn't have been avoided, and he knew that as well. Ron and Peter were there as well, basking in the hospitality of his ever-generous mother, laughing with his cousins and trying to avoid the youngsters running around, playing whatever game their imaginations had seen fit to conjure up. As the two four year olds ran by, wobbling as children that age did, Riggs chuckled and walked to the front door; outside, the sun was now fairly below the horizon, and he shouted to his brother who was still by the grill, out in the cold.

"Hey man, you're the only one out here, you know!"

"Can't help that no one wanted to stay and help me clean this baby off."

"Give us a break, like you would let anyone other than you touch it."

The grill, which had hundreds of dollars sunk into its shiny frame, was the current pride of his brother's paycheck.

"Fair enough, J. I'll be right in."

Lifting his beer in a pleased gesture, Riggs turned and walked back inside, bringing the can to his lips. A replay of the earlier football game was on, the game that had nearly brought his sister and cousin-in-law to blows and he smiled its way. No matter how much he was getting into his occupation, he would never be able to pass up the chance to be a part of these gatherings, the few dozen people who got together and swapped drink and stories. The living room and kitchen were packed, the kids not heeding the requests to remains upstairs, and ran wherever they so saw fit, but no one cared to correct them. Their spirits were all too fine and Riggs found himself pleased at how well his two associates were getting along with the large family he sported. Smiling, he walked to the far wall of the kitchen and leaned against it, hearing the cacophonous sound of multiple conversations and absorbing none of them as his mind drifted elsewhere.

As it always went, his thoughts settled on work; he knew Ron and Peter, the morons, were more than content doing the work they were doing and keep reaping the rewards as long as they could. But Riggs had no interest in making a steady income if it also meant that he was expendable. His eyes had been always fixed on his boss's elite; young womenalwayo meant that he was expendable the work they were doing and keep reaping the rewards as long as they co though they were, they still maintained the highest respect of everyone else in the company, including him. That was something he wanted to be a part of and while he knew he still had much to prove if that was where he wanted to end up, he was confident in his ability to impress. Only one of them had ever been lost and he had been the only male among them as well as the freshest of the bunch; months of work aside, they didn't seem to matter much when you were caught in a building sized explosion. The news had been over town for weeks and even longer in their business; there had been more than a few rumors by the floor workers that he had been romantically involved with one of them, though no one could ever seem to agree on who. Rigs could care less, but his desires rested in an as admired state as the six of them. When he got back in town, he would get right back to elevating his status, all the way until the top.

"Hey, uh, Jeremy… "

He was kicked from his musings by Ron, who had dropped what may have been an upbeat façade and had slunk up beside him. Riggs didn't look, but took a swig from his can as he continued staring forward.

"What?"

"Listen, just about… last night… was that… really what we should have done?"

"As I recall, you were the one that stood there while Peter and myself blasted the nosey bitch into oblivion."

"I know, I just… "

"We couldn't take any chances. That's how this business goes."

"Okay… "

Not meaning the gesture, but also not caring enough to do otherwise, Riggs patted his associate on the shoulder.

"Get back over there and keep soliciting my cousin. She's in need of company as of late."

Ron managed a brief smile and then waded back through the Riggs family. Sighing, Riggs shook his head. Of course the girl hadn't need to die, but it was far better to be safe rather than sorry. It was a regretful situation, but if her father hadn't been sliding product, than it wouldn't have had to happen. He was sure his boss would approve when he gave his report; she was just as precautious as he was.

 _We have to be, what with where the industry is now. No chances, only certainties._

The sound of the front screen door swinging open and closing caught his ear, and Riggs turned to greet his brother; they had a great deal of catching up to do, though he hoped there wouldn't be too much prying. But, as he turned, opening his mouth, he didn't see his brother. Instead, a young man stood there, having walked around the main hall and stopped in the kitchen entrance. Riggs wasn't the only one surprised by the appearance of this stranger as he heard several conversations stop behind him in the kitchen. He heard the gruff, territorial voice of his father cut the air between them.

"Boy, what the hell are you… "

Riggs's eyes caught sight of the rifle, a split second before it swung up.

"HOLY SHI… "

An eruption of gunfire sang out, and was immediately followed by screams of all ages and sexes. Riggs leapt to his right trying to put the wall between the kitchen and the living room between him and the bullets that sliced through the air and felt a pair of odd rabbit punches to his midsection. He hit his shoulder hard and sat against the wall, shaking fingers going for his gun; looking back to the kitchen he saw both Ron and Peter, guns in their hands, slumped over the counter and on the floor respectively, having been some of the first to be hit. Realizing he had left his gun in his car, Riggs swore and looked to Sophie, the only teenager there; her eyes were wide and panicked as she stood seemingly frozen, but she nonetheless looked to him as he shouted.

"TAKE THE KIDS AND RUN!"

It was a considerable request when he thought to all the children running around, but she seemed to ready up the challenge; as the gunfire abruptly ceased and the sound of a magazine being dropped sounded, she gestured and called to all the children and they ran to her, desperate for the comfort that an older person may provide. Like a shepherd, she ran out of the living room with them, and Riggs felt a brief rush of hope that they may get away; then he heard the sound of small footsteps hauling up the stairs and his stomach dropped.

"NO, NO, DON'T TAKE THEM UPSTAIRS, THERE'S NO… "

He was cut off as the rifle began spitting once more; flinching, he ducked and began scrambling towards the shocked living room population. He saw terrified cousins, his uncle and aunt, two of his sisters, and as he watched them, they finally seemed to come to their senses and attempted to open the two windows in the living room. Then, red splattered as their clothes were burst and their skin carved by round after round and Riggs, unable to watch, rolled over and closed his eyes tightly. Heart pounding, he lets his ears become deafened by the rampant, almost ceaseless discharge of the weapon; it seemed to last for minutes, before the sound stopped again and the only sound was footsteps, slow and steady, walking around the living room. As they neared him, Riggs's mind raced, trying to think of what he could do, trying to think of anything to stave off this attacker, when the steps stopped. For several seconds, the gunman didn't move, as though he was listening for something. Then, it sounded as though he swiveled on his heel and marched out of the room.

"Shit… "

As the footsteps died away, Riggs cursed quietly before sitting up. Not a single person other than him moved; every body was slumped in an odd position. He saw his parents, mother draped over his father like a sweater over a chair, his oldest sister lay a yard or so away, eyes wide open in a shocked position, the life gone from them. His two associates lay against the wall, their insides scattered over it in a disgusting painting. And while he looked around, numb with shock and tears springing to his eyes, he heard what their attacker had; above him, scuffling and shushing of likely frightened children as calm footsteps ascended the stairs. There was quiet then, split by a terrible bang of foot against wooden door, followed by screams of children who didn't know what was happening. Sophie was screaming as well, but her voice was shouting pleas, begging to spare the lives of the ones in the room as the door was kicked again, with the familiar second bang, indicating it had been smashed open. Riggs sat there in disbelief as the gun roared long and loud and, within seconds, the sounds of the children were silenced.

"No… no, no, no… "

Somehow, his survival mechanism kicked in. Gasping in pain as he felt the bullet wounds in his abdomen scream as moved, he staggered to his feet, and the world spun horribly. He nearly collapsed as he stumbled to the door; he burst out into the cold night air, feeling the beginning of a snowfall on his neck and he promptly forgot that there were stairs he needed to descend in order to get to his car. He tumbled down the half dozen wooden steps, cursing and moaning; not even attempting to stand, he began to crawl towards the cluster of vehicles, tears blurring his vision.

"Hey, now… "

The voice came from behind him and sent a chill far more frigid than the snow down his spine. Riggs stopped moving but didn't turn to face what he knew could very well be his death. It didn't matter as, after a moment, a toe scooted under his ribs and flipped him with surprising force. He threw up his hands as he faced skyward; the man's face was half-hidden in shadow and the barrel of his rifle was a black maw staring down at him. Riggs didn't know what to say, but opened his mouth regardless, willing to say anything to postpone the inevitable.

"Who… what… why, why are you doing this?"

"You and those two other sneaky fucks killed a friend of someone I know. Maybe you knew her as the bullet sponge you made her last night."

"I… we didn't… "

"Don't worry, all's fair now."

"You… "

Something other than fear spoke up.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"

"Nothing that can be fixed."

Riggs held in a childish sob.

"Who… who are… "

And then, as he was halfway through the question, he caught the man's face better in the light and he saw just how young he was. And, more disturbingly, he recognized him.

"Wait, you're… you're dead!"

The barrel came up, and he found he didn't care.

"You're… you're Joe!"

There was a pause as snow fell silently around them, exhaled by the black sky.

"The appearance… "

The barrel pressed against his forehead.

"… can be deceiving."


	28. Chapter 28

" _ **I am the waiting one it seems… "**_

 _ **\- All That Remains**_

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

By the time he had sat up and even tried to properly wake himself, Joe realized he had no idea what time it was. He would have looked at his phone if he hadn't felt so apathetic upon rousing from his pained sleep. Rather, as he recalled why he was currently at such a juncture of depression, he dropped right back down on his pillow. He would have cried, but he didn't think there were any tears left in him.

"Bout time, bucko."

The voice that he had grown so accustomed to hearing, nevertheless sent him snapping up and he almost banged his head on the roof of the camper. Dust was cleaning his gun at the table, something Joe had asked him not to do multiple times, but he couldn't have cared less where he got oil at the present moment.

"Where did you go last night?"

The shadowy figure didn't look at him and rather just smiled as he spun the cylinder of the Colt, before laying it down.

"I told you, I went and took care of it."

Joe sputtered a moment as his frustration spiked briefly.

"Took care of… what the fuck do you mean, 'took care'? What needed to be taken care of? There was nothing left, she was gone, it was over!"

Rising, Dust strode over and patted him on the shoulder with a mock tone of concern.

"Now I think we both know what a colossal untruth that is."

And in the blink of an eye, he was gone. Joe blinked several times before turning away to curse his companion and, then, the rush of the previous night's memories flooded into his mind. He saw a well-kept homestead and the sound of loud conversation and laughter inside. He saw a man cleaning a grill by himself and watched his own hands reach out and break his neck. He looked down and saw an assault rifle slung over his shoulder and he watched himself walk up the porch and into the house. He saw the gaze of dozens of people looking at him angrily and curiously before he heard them all start screaming as the barrel of his gun came up and began tearing away their lives. He heard shouts and children crying as survivors of the initial onslaught ran for any cover, like sheep from a wolf. He watched himself reload and step past the first batch of corpses and then began laying into the people scrambling for windows in the living room. He watched them all fall before his ears caught wind of scuffling upstairs and he began to work his way in that direction. He saw as he reached the top of the stairs and found the locked door the remainder of the household were hiding behind. He watched his foot smash into the door multiple times beside the lock and it gave way. He saw himself reach out with his left hand to catch a lamp that was swung at him by a young woman, no older than fifteen and watched her drop to her knees and begin to plead for the lives of the others in the room. He saw his gun come up and past them the eyes of crying, frightened children seemed to stare into his very soul as the trigger was pulled and…

 _STOP!_

He gave a single, pained howl and dropped to his knees. His mind raced and his hands shook while panic raced through his body.

 _That can't have happened… it can't have… it can't… I… no, it can't… have…_

But the images seared into his mind were all too real, and he knew then, though whether or not he could ever accept it remain to be seen. Fury welled up in him and his fingernails cut into his palm.

"You save a baby… then kill an entire fucking FAMILY, kids and all… what the fuck is wrong with you… "

He almost could hear a hiss in the air behind his ear.

 _I saved the baby for you. I could give less of a shit about it otherwise._

Joe clenched his teeth and rolled onto his back, trying to keep his breathing steady. He wrapped his arms around himself to try and calm himself, but it only made to make the situation worse. He tried to think of how to alleviate his panic and slowly growing nausea and backed against the wall and jammed his eyes shut, trying to dispel the image of the children staring up at him, but no matter how hard he tried to force it, he just couldn't…

 _Just managing to slip around the corner of the building, he vomited against the wall and asphalt that glared at him under the brightness of the sun. He lowered himself to one knee and allowed the remainder of unworthy gastro-contents to spill from his mouth; his stomach gave a single pained growl and he very slowly attempted to straighten._

" _You alright?"_

 _So surprised that he was to hear another voice that he spun quickly enough to catch his right foot in the puddle he had just created; he looked down at his shoe in disgust, as did Ymir who cocked her head._

" _Time for new shoes."_

 _Shrugging and hiding his still shaking hands in his pockets, Joe leaned against the wall of the building to try and block her view from the mess he had made._

" _Nah."_

 _Giving a small smirk, she leaned on the wall as well. She didn't say anything more as she remained next to him and he knew that she knew why he was out here, throwing up and shaking hard. It had been only a couple weeks since he had been officially indoctrinated into their fold under the name "Dust", and while he was, as far as he knew, doing a good and proper job. That aside though, he still was not anywhere near comfortable yet with the concept of killing. It had become simple enough to do, but he very frequently found himself in a very weakened and pained state of mind after doing so. He normally was able to get to his dorm before breaking down, crying, shaking, raging, whatever satiated the shock that flowed through him, but today, he had only managed to get outside in the hopes that he wouldn't be followed. Obviously that hadn't worked._

" _Not getting easier?"_

 _He was surprised at Ymir's near immediate discernment of his status, and even more surprised that she cared. Next to Annie, she may have been the one among them with the least regard for anyone else's feelings._

" _Of course it's getting easier, how could it not get any easier, pff, easy, of course it's… "_

 _Through his needless ramblings, he saw her staring at him with a raised eyebrow and he slumped._

" _Yeah, no, still sucks."_

 _Smiling again, she reached for his wrist and pulled his hand out of his pocket and held his hand in hers, looking down at it. Wincing, he tried very desperately to stop it so she wouldn't see; sensing the tension of his muscle, she looked at him in annoyance._

" _Stop."_

 _Looking away in embarassment, he did so and allowed his hand to resume shaking; though she took his hand roughly, he was surprised again as she began to massage it slowly. It seemed to do some level of good and she put the hand against his stomach, still digging her thumbs into the muscle of it._

" _Deep, long breaths."_

 _He complied and found the first few to be shaky, but they slowly became more leveled and calm. After a minute or so, she released him and returned to leaning back against the wall, looking off towards the horizon._

" _Unfortunately, I can't promise that you'll ever be able to stave that feeling completely."_

 _Feeling the hand she had taken, he tried to replicate how she had massaged him._

" _How did you do it?"_

 _She looked at him._

" _Who says I did?"_

 _Her disapproval at his assumption was clear in her tone._

" _I'm sorry, I didn't mean that… "_

" _Don't worry about it."_

 _Silence returned and he realized, as he continued his breathing exercise that her very presence seemed to grant him some level of comfort._

" _Even if you can't, it doesn't matter. It comes down to how well you can cope with it."_

 _The smile she wore now seemed more genuine than the others._

" _We have each other, remember that. You're new, but don't think that doesn't mean you can't talk to us. Any of us."_

 _He could tell that the kindness she was giving was almost making her uncomfortable._

" _We have to have each other, because sometimes that's all we have."_

Snapping free of the memory, he grabbed desperately at his hands and tried to massage them, but it provided so little relief, that he returned to breathing as he had been taught. And then, after several minutes, he realized that there was something, one thing that may allow him some level of relief to the waves of anxiety that were attacking him. Getting to his feet, he dug a shaking hand into his jacket pocket and pulled out his phone.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Ymir cursed herself for not setting an alarm as she pulled on a shirt and pants as quickly and quietly as she could. If she hadn't been roused from the very light sleep she had managed by the slamming of a car door, she didn't doubt she would have slept right through his regular morning departure. Easing open the door, she ran lightly down the hall and down the stairs; the kitchen and living room were empty, and Ymir was surprised not to see Annie up. She always was the first one downstairs the past few days, sipping at coffee, looking as though she had been awake for hours, but the first floor of the building was empty. Ymir hardly paid that any mind as she fairly shouldered the door open.

"LEVI!"

She was thankful she just managed to catch him as he reopened his car door, and as she realized that this allowed them to be alone, this was the best time to talk to him. If she needed to threaten her trump card, she would be free to do so. He looked to her, eyebrows very slightly raised; it seemed that he was surprised by her vigor, and she was honestly right there with him. Despite her resolution during the waning night, she still had somewhat expected herself to not falter on the commitment.

"Ymir. Surprised to see you up this early."

Striding up alongside the vehicle, she leaned against the hood, taking a brief moment to catch her breath.

"Wanted to catch you before you left."

He had no apparent response, and waited, staring at her for several seconds, before giving his shoulders an almost apathetic shrug.

"Well?"

It struck Ymir then that she wasn't entirely sure what she had planned to say. She had known her objective, but approaching it with someone like Levi was something she had been stupid not to consider. She didn't trust him, not by a long shot, but she decided to at least lead with an honest question; she sighed and crossed her arms.

"What are we doing?"

She could tell he was instantly impatient. If he had any less self-restraint, she could see him pinching the bridge of his nose.

"For the umpteenth and final time, YOU all are remaining put until such a time as I deem it safe for you to leave."

Before she could interject, he looked threw an annoyed look over her shoulder.

"I'm aware of why we're here. I'm asking what we're doing, now that we're here, to flip the tables on Kenny, what we're doing to find Hange, what… ANYTHING to fight back."

He seemed to have been expecting this, but also didn't look as though he was remotely in the mood to talk about it. Closing his eyes briefly, he shook his head.

"I don't know what rebellious conversations you all have been having after dark… "

"None. No one else other than me seems even somewhat interested in any sort of resistance."

The look on his face was one that sensed dissent, and she made to talk it down quickly.

"And I can't get on them for that, that is their choice. But I have no intention of sitting around any longer, while that complete fucking bastard sits in a cushy office and whores up more power."

"You want to take up arms against the king… by yourself no less… and you're coming to me with this, why?"

"You're penning us up here, not telling us anything, assuming that we will just the play the part of dogs, sitting around, doing nothing… "

As her voice deepened with anger, she trailed off and waited for him to reiterate on what he had said before, that they couldn't leave for their own safety and for the promise he had made to Hange. But he did no such thing. Instead, he looked down for several seconds before stepping to the side and whipping his arm at her; something flashy flew towards her face and she blinked, her own arm springing up to catch it. Looking in her palm, she saw that he had thrown her the keys to the vehicle. Dumbfounded, she looked up at him and he gestured to the open door.

"Go on then."

She could only blink and stare, completely thrown off by his reaction. Levi gestured again.

"Run off, storm the castle, die a foolish martyr. I will not stop you."

"You… you wouldn't just… "

His voice raised itself ever so slightly.

"I wouldn't?"

Walking off to the side, he turned his eyes towards the woods in the direction of where town lay.

"Don't confuse what I'm doing as a favor for any of you. I promised Hange I would take you somewhere safe, for as long as necessary. But I never promised to keep any of you from rushing off to perform any suicidal missions."

Looking back to her, his eyes flashed very briefly before returning to their usual cold tone.

"But if you feel the need to squander her gift, feel free."

That single sentence snapped Ymir out of her shocked state and she very quickly closed the distance between them. She had become accustomed to towering over people for intimidation's sake all throughout high school, but as she glared down at Levi, she knew that there was no fear she could instill in him this way. But that hardly mattered, she had yet to pull out her last stop.

"Don't' you dare assume that's what my goal is."

"No? You think killing Kenny is? You actually think you could get to him? He doesn't know where any of you are, and while you no longer pose a threat to him business-wise, he would be a fool not to assume that one of you stupid girls would not think of making an attempt on his life."

His eyes narrowed.

"And he is no fool."

At least now, he was taking the conversation in a direction Ymir wanted.

"So how do we fight him?"

He cocked his head, expression reading her as though she had just asked the most idiotic thing in the world.

"Why do you think that's even a good idea?"

Now she was starting to feel properly heated.

"I didn't say it was a good idea, but it's what I plan on doing. I'm asking you to put aside the feelings that he is your father, and help us turn this on him."

Quiet followed and the snow and the trees allowed the silence to be almost deafening.

"That's what you think this is about?"

As Levi asked the question, Ymir began to wonder if what she had said had been smart; that had indeed been her trump card, but that was not how she had planned on using it. Regardless, her advantage would only last as long as she allowed it to, so she pushed on.

"That has to be the reason why you won't take up arms against him, right? The reason why you are content to leave us all here until we rot to death? You want a place by his side, but you just won't admit it. Father and son, ruling this town like… "

His fist moved faster than her eyes could track and her gut erupted in pain; she gasped and collapsed to her knees at the sudden shock. A hand grabbed a fistful of her hair and slammed her against the side of the vehicle. As the world spun briefly and her head began to ache, his voice whispered in her ear, cloaked with more menace than she had ever heard.

"You accuse me of assuming? I would watch yourself very carefully, just because your girlfriend lost her child does not mean I won't beat the hell out of you for starting shit like that."

Hauling her to her feet, she spat at the ground and didn't look to meet his eyes as her heart began to pound at a less heightened rate.

"Don't think that there won't be a fight with Kenny. Don't even think that it won't be soon. Tonight, I'll be returning with some faces you may or may not be excited to see. From there, we can start worrying about any sort of offensive."

When she didn't reply or turn to face him, he swiftly moved forward and forced her face into eye contact with his.

"You would do well to remember that you are the only person who knows of my relation to him. I'm not one so petty as to 'get even', but if you spread that without my knowing or consent, I can create hell for you very quickly."

And with that, he shoved her hard enough away that she almost collapsed again and had climbed into the vehicle after retrieving the keys she had dropped. Then, the engine had started, and the car became a pair of taillights disappearing into the woods in the early grey of the morning. Ymir didn't wait long after he left to walk back inside and take the opportunity to use the bathroom before anyone else woke up. It also caught her attention that she couldn't seem to stop smiling.

She had found something to fight for. Now she had something to fight with.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

He heard the slow crawl of tires over dirt and snow as well as the soft rumble of an engine before he got to his feet and went outside. Her car pulled up just outside the clearing that surrounded his little encampment and he felt briefly embarrassed as Florian climbed out. Her gaze was not on the surroundings though and instead locked onto him. In the dim grey light of the evening, she quickly closed the distance between them and seemed to hesitate before pulling him into a hug.

"Joe… I heard about that Mina girl… did you… ?"

While he wasn't entirely sure what she was asking, he didn't care what his answer was as long as it kept him in the hug as long as possible. The feeling of her body against his, her arms around him, dissolved his thinking to the point where he felt he could remain there for an eternity.

"We… we were just friends is all… "

She tightened her grip and she almost squeezed the tears out of him.

"I'm so sorry… "

Placing his face between her shoulder and her neck, he let some of the tears leak out against the warm smoothness of her skin; the both of them remained there for over a minute until she slowly guided him to his camper. Once inside she released him and after giving him a reassuring smile, she looked around.

"This is how you're living?"

It wasn't said as an insult and instead sounded as though she was indignant he was surviving like this. Wiping his eyes, he shrugged.

"Gets the job done."

Doing a slow turn in a full circle, she shook her head.

"You are unbelievable… "

She dropped onto the foot of his bed and he found himself congratulating himself silently that he had seen fit to do laundry previously. After a second or so, he sat down beside her and they jointly leaned back against the wall; outside through the window, they could see snow begin to fall, large heavy flakes making their way to the ground. After several seconds, Florian shook her head again.

"It's so… quiet."

Sensing the familiarity of her bemusement, he couldn't help but smile.

"Partially why I like it."

She didn't reply and he decided to ask what had been plaguing the back of his mind for days.

"How's the kid?"

In the dark, he could see the worry on her face as she looked over.

"Good. Threw up on my sister yesterday for a good laugh, but she's been a trooper other than that."

"She?"

"Yeah."

When he realized he hadn't even known the gender of the baby he had stolen, something new struck his gut and he stifled a groan as he leaned forward. Next to him, he could feel Florian hesitating.

"Joe… I think… "

"You're right, you're right, I just… just… "

"No, I… I think you should come over to my place tomorrow. I want you to see both of them. And… I don't want to think about you being by yourself tomorrow."

Blinking, he turned to look at her.

"Tomorrow? What's tomorrow?"

She looked back with equal confusion before realization dawned on her face.

"Do you know what today is?"

"I… no."

"It's Christmas Eve."

As the fact settled in and he thought back to the last holiday he had celebrated, Joe could do nothing more than let his eyes unfocus.

"Oh."

He thought to his parents.

"Oh."

His brother.

"Oh."

It started to hurt even to breath and he felt the weight of everything seem to grab at his chest, squeezing tighter and tighter, constricting him and forcing him to relive all of the hell that had brought him here until…

"Joe."

Then her hand was around his shoulder and the pain dissipated.

 _How?_

"Are you alright?"

Turning to look into her eyes that flickered with concern, he slowly shook his head, staring at her in bewilderment.

"Who are you?"

"I… I… "

She was back to looking confused, looking at him having been completely thrown off by the question.

"Who are you that, no matter how much everything tries to swallow me, eat me alive… you touch me… and it goes away."

Then she saw what he had been trying to say and smiled. Lowering her gaze as though in thought, she seemed to deliberate something and then stood, pulling out her phone. He watched her as she punched at it, cursing briefly.

"C'mon… fucking signal, c'mon… "

She seemed to find what she wanted and placed her phone face down on the table as she crossed to the front of the camper and turned off the lights. Then, as holiday tunes began to drift pleasantly and mesmerizingly from the phone's speakers, she crossed back to him and sat back down. There was then no light and he felt her reach up and gently pull him down; she wrapped her unseen thighs around his leg and he felt a hot rush through his waist. In the dark, he couldn't see her, moving towards him, but he could sense her as she drew nearer.

 _Wait…_

He couldn't do this, this couldn't happen, he wasn't able to. He tried to gather the words to tell her that this wasn't something he could do.

 _Wait…_

Then, her lips found his and his will melted into oblivion. His body gave a small shudder and her arms wrapped around him as she pulled herself closer to him. There, then, in the dark with the silent snowfall blanketing them and the songs from her phone caressing the air, Joe finally tried to forget.


	29. Chapter 29

The run took Ymir longer than expected if only because of her ever-present lack of a sense of direction; she was half-chuckling, half-cursing herself as she slowly ascended the front steps of the cabin. Dragging her fingers through the layer of snow that now shrouded everything within sight, she took a handful and pressed it against the small of her back, gasping as, while relieving, it still gave her a slight shock by way of its frigid temperature. Turning away from the trees, she opened the door and stepped in brusquely enough that she nearly sent Sasha to the ground who was heading in the opposite direction.

"Shit, Sash, my bad… "

"No, you're fine… scared the shit out of me is all… "

Ymir gave a sharp genuine laugh that seemed to rattle Sasha, who blinked and examined her with worry in her eyes. This certainly couldn't be unexpected; with the mood that they had all been in for days, Ymir and Krista particularly, a laugh must have sounded terribly foreign.

"Ymir… you okay… ?"

Shrugging off her brief outburst, Ymir let the corner of her mouth twitch up.

"Fine, yeah."

Not wanting Sasha to get any more suspicious, she pushed past into the cabin and was greeted by a smell that could only have come from a hot, stove-top breakfast. Smiling, she walked through the living room and into the kitchen; Ilse was working diligently over several pans though she still wore the dead look that had occupied her face for what now seemed like forever. Annie was at the table, fingers around a cup of coffee as though worried it might run away. Her piercing eyes flicked up as Ymir entered the room, almost accusingly.

"That you? That laugh?"

"Yeah."

There was no follow up and Ymir immediately regretted allowing her good mood to be as obvious as it was.

 _Good mood… hardly._

She felt some self-disgust writhe up as she realized that it wasn't a good mood; it was more… optimistic? No… not remotely. Hopeful? Could have been. Ymir knew then that there was no reason to try and figure out what she was feeling, that would likely only drag her back down to the hole she was just starting to crawl out of. Shaking away the thoughts that always pulled her down, she turned her gaze down as Sasha walked into the kitchen after her, looking just as confused as she had been moments prior. Feeling her eyes as well as Annie's and Ilse's burning on her head, she realized that to quickly dissolve any notions that she may have indeed been going insane, she ought to leave before she did anything else stupid. Turning, she swallowed, trying to adopt a graver tone and walked silently out of the kitchen, towards the stairs, avoiding all eye contact that she could.

 _Shit… fuck me, if they hadn't figured out I was up to something before, they'll pick up on it real quick if I keep acting like…_

Pulling up her sports bra briefly to wipe the sweat from her brow, she gave a heavy and short sigh.

"Curious time to flash me."

Dropping it back down, she looked up to see Mikasa glancing at her with a raised eyebrow on the last step of the stairs. Adjusting herself, she could only blink briefly for several seconds before being able to muster an answer.

"Gotta take advantage of these moments when I can."

It became clear very immediately that Mikasa had only made the joke for Ymir's sake, not her own; the look she received could was the closest the dark-haired girl had come to showing emotion within the past few days. She stared back at Ymir with the same befuddlement that Sasha had given her and gave her head a shake.

"What?"

"Oh you know, how else am I gonna try and get you to come upstairs and… "

The sense of humor that she had been avoiding that now writhed up was something she barely managed to catch and, though she stopped talking before the joke finished, she knew it didn't matter. Mikasa blinked and gave her a look.

"Fuck's up with you?"

"Nothing, I just… "

She didn't dare tell her the truth; if she knew, she would want to come along, help as she could. But Ymir knew that what she was doing, she had to do alone.

"Trying to be a little more… "

 _Careful._

"… less depressed."

The answer was not honest, nor was it remotely acceptable, and Ymir could see that in Mikasa's eyes as she stared back, gaze turning slowly into a glare.

"For her sake."

Her course correction was something she hoped that Mikasa would more understand and as her expression softened, she knew she had. She didn't say anything else, only lowered her head and briefly took Ymir's shoulder then walked by her towards the kitchen. Ymir remained at the foot of the stairs and grabbed the railing until the footsteps faded from her ears and she heard Ilse greet Mikasa as she joined the rest of them. Closing her eyes, she gripped the rail tight enough to turn her knuckles white. Here they were, finally in a place where they needed to learn to trust each other again and here she was.

 _Not doing that._

She didn't even bother going to her room first, as she hoped that Krista was still sleeping. Even more than that, she imagined that her mood may betray her frame of mind and she knew that even with the likely still destroyed piece of mind she bore, Krista would most certainly pick up on the change in her attitude. And even beyond that, she wanted to hide away in the shower for as long as she could and iron out any wrinkles in her plan.

 _Plan… ha…_

Not that it was even that bad of a plan in her head, but this was not something that was foreign to her. A plan that seemed so perfect, so simple, and then would lead to the most disastrous outcome feasible. And as she turned on the shower and let the lukewarm water soak her, she began trying to talk herself out of it.

 _Krista was shot… she was fucking SHOT the last time you tried something like this._

Ymir stopped washing herself as the memories of that day hit her like a train. She remembered the shock of the gunshot as it echoed over the hillside, she remembered her girlfriend crying out and collapsing, she remembered the blood, spilling from between…

 _Hell, it would have been fine, wouldn't it, if it had just died instead of…_

One of the bottles she was clutching dropped and hit the basin a moment before her knees gave out and she collapsed against it as well. The thought wasn't her, it couldn't have been her, she could never wish that on Krista, not after years of torture could she.

 _But I would on him._

Yes, that was it. It was completely despicable, but she knew that it was something wholly true. It wasn't a pleasant thing to wish on anybody under any circumstances, but she realized that she very, deeply wanted Joe to hurt.

 _Why?_

She knew, she KNEW that he didn't remember what he had done, not even in the moment of his death did he know how deeply he had torn their relationship… his relationship with all of them. Ymir still had no idea how Mikasa hadn't been found outside, screaming at him, screaming at Krista, screaming at anyone she could blame, but somehow she was living with it better than she was. And the more Ymir thought about it, her fists, wet and red, began to tighten. She thought of what she could do with just a minute… thirty seconds even with him and it began to give her peace of mind. Savage and hateful as it was, peace of mind. She tried to think to the plan that she was leaning more and more towards putting into motion that evening, but she took only a couple seconds before she was back to imagining him sitting, facing away from her, and then she reached out for his throat and began to…

 _How… no matter how drunk… how could you…_

It was about an hour before she water started turning cold and she realized that she had been sitting there for over an hour.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

For the first time in what had now been weeks, Joe awoke without a single memory of having a nightmare the previous night. Resting on his side, he blinked the blurriness away and looked out through the small window of the camper to see the grey clouds, complimenting the layer of snow that had settled in the night. The sun could have been anywhere in the sky; for all he knew, it could have been past noon.

As the memories flushed back into his mind from the previous night, he remembered the horror of knowing what had happened to the family, hours of near panic attacks, and finally…

 _SHIT._

He sat up quickly enough to bash his head on the roof with enough force to nearly knock himself back out and stars whirled frantically before the blackness that nearly snatched him.

"Wow, are you serious?"

Vision returned and he saw Florian standing near the door, fully dressed and looking at him with a smile and raised eyebrow. Taking his fingers and rubbing his temples, he tightened his eyelids.

"My bad… just… dream is all."

 _Really? Lying to her already?_

Shifting her weight, she put a hand on her waist and, even with her being fully clothed, he had difficulty keeping his eyes off her. And she knew it. Flashing a smile, revealing her white teeth, she nodded towards him and the foot of his bed.

"You should get yourself dressed, I want to be over there by early afternoon to help with dinner."

As he realized that he was completely naked, he had to quickly remind himself that modesty was not something to be all that concerned about. She giggled as he quickly snatched at some covers regardless; he smiled back, still trying to wrap his head around everything that had happened, most especially, the fact that it was Christmas.

"I sort of just assumed that Christmas dinners just sort of appeared on the table at around five."

"And who do you think puts them there, genius."

"Uhhhhh… Santa?"

She laughed and put her hand on the door handle.

"If only. I'll be in the car."

He watched her leave and listened briefly to the crunch of snow under her feet before the door swung shut after her. He remained sitting on his mattress for a good while as he thought if this was really something that he should do.

 _Do you really want to become a part of something? Again? Care about people who could be hurt because of you?_

And as it always went, his selfishness crept in and he dressed and followed her out the door.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

It struck Annie as odd that not one of them had remembered that the date was the twenty-fifth of December as, while a good deal had happened to the lot of them within a week, the holiday had never been something they had let slip their minds. For the past several years, there had always been some level of get together among them; religion was hardly a strong suit of any single one of them, but the day had always been special for reasons far beyond that. And they have skipped this particular day completely, if Petra hadn't mentioned it in passing to Ilse. She had then pulled Annie aside in the hall, looking nervous and depressed.

"I… I don't think we should have some kind of celebration, nothing like that, but… I want to put something together, just a nice dinner, we can all sit down and… "

As Annie had stared back at her, her face had grown pale and she had started to backpeddle.

"I mean, if you think that's a bad idea, I get it, I just thought… what with everything that… "

She had known then that Ilse was doing everything in her power to create some semblance of lifted spirits in the cabin, something to give them all a reason to turn the corners of their mouths up, even just a little and she felt an affectionate tug in her gut as she reached out to take Ilse's shoulder.

"No, I think that sounds exactly like something we need right now."

Her assurance had brightened Ilse's face who had then strode off with a newfound confidence to find Petra and ask what there was for cooking and if they could risk a trip to the store. Annie had continued on her way in the opposite direction and had found herself stopped short as she thought to the information that had pressed a whole new burden her back.

 _They deserve to know._

That much was obvious.

 _They need to know._

Probably. Who knew how long it would be until one of them did something stupid because of the emotions that were driving them crazy?

 _But… I can't tell them._

She didn't care about the promise she had made to Levi, not enough to let it restrict her at least. If she had felt the need, she would have spilled this to them the minute she had found out. But…

 _This will keep them safe… for now._

If they knew, all manner of hell could break out; she could already see Ymir and Krista breaking down the door and running out into the night the minute they heard the news, scouring every square foot of the planet to find a child who may or may not be dead. She saw Mikasa with them looking for someone else entirely, ripping entire houses out of the ground in her search. She saw the already breaking Sasha and Ilse crushed even further and struck with a new sense of helplessness, all while Kenny came closer and closer to finding them. Annie took her head in her hands, running hands through her hair and driving pressure into her scalp; she wished Hange were here.

"Hey, uh… Annie?"

Realizing she wasn't sure how long she had been in that chair, holding her head, she snapped her head up to see a tired looking Sasha, eyes somewhat nervous.

"What's up?"

"Um… Petra just got off the phone with Levi. He'll be back soon with some… company? Was how she phrased it? Anyway, someone else will be coming by themselves and they'll be getting here first. She wants us to wait by the door while she makes a couple calls in case they show up."

Rubbing her eyes, Annie shook some life back into her body and stood up.

"Alright."

"If you, uh… need a bit, I can do it… "

"No, no, no, I need to be doing something anyway."

Sasha bit her lip, but said nothing more, falling in line behind her as she took a brisk pace out of the den. They hadn't even reached the hallway leading to the front door when the definite sound of footsteps echoed against the wood of the porch and a firm knock followed. Annie almost ran into Ymir who, having come down the stairs, was going for the door as well. She spared the taller girl a singular look, checking for any more signs of unexpectedly heightened pleasantness before beating her the last few feet and pulling the door open.

"Evening, Annie."

Jean was the last person she wanted to see and she knew that the mere sight of him might snap whatever weak string that was keeping Mikasa together. She tried to suppress a grimace and force a smile at the same time, but was unsure of the outcome that appeared on her face. Evidently, it wasn't particularly accommodating as she saw Jean give an unusually reserved smile.

"Holiday or not, don't worry; I have no intention of starting anything."

He looked briefly towards his back right where Annie saw Marco standing, looking less nervous like he always seemed to be, and rather, looked much more somber.

"Can we come in?"

Swallowing a small dose of bile, Annie stepped aside, pushing Sasha the same. Jean stepped over the porch and, over his shoulder, Annie saw the glow of headlights making their way through the trees and up to the driveway. Stopping next to Ymir as he made his way towards the living room, Jean turned to look at her for several seconds as though looking for words to say. Finally, letting out a soft sigh through his nose, he shook his head gently.

"I'm very sorry."

Her eyes doubled in size as he continued past her, his uncharacteristically subtle attitude adding more confusion to the three words he had just uttered. Sasha, looking just as shocked, turned to Annie, unable to formulate words; the blonde, however, couldn't keep her eyes off Ymir, who seemed to be frozen in place by what she had just heard. Only one real thought was able to resonate in Annie's head as Marco shuffled past them, not daring to look any of them in the eye.

 _He told them._

She couldn't fathom it in her head; Levi was a tactical and sharp individual, he would not spill anything to anyone who didn't need to know it. Therefore, Annie could not believe that he would have told Jean, of all people…

"Sasha!"

Levi's biting voice cut through the dark winter air and the girl in question jumped before running to the front door to look out. He stood just outside his car and it was clear he was not alone.

"Come give us a hand with this."

Not even bothering with shoes, she bounded out, eager to comply. Annie watched as the man riding shotgun climbed out and made to help, but was quickly ushered away by Levi who seemed to debate with him briefly before insisting he go inside and make himself at home. The man seemed hesitant at first, but eventually heeded the request and began making his way across the remainder of the driveway and up the steps of the porch. He reached the top and Annie got her first good look at the bearded man. He wore glasses and his facial hair was unkempt, but in a handsome sort of way; it was odd as Annie realized that it was very difficult to try and estimate his age. He looked to her with a small, kind, yet almost mischievous smile and extended a hand.

"How do you do."

She took it and was surprised by the firmness of his grip.

"Call me Zeke, please. Everyone does."

He pushed politely past her and as she watched him go, she realized that Ymir had shrunk into the shadows by the stairs and was staring after the man as he joined Jean and Marco in the living room. Gone was the upbeat expression she had been wearing for the better part of the day; the expression she wore now was one that Annie didn't know if she had ever seen her wear before.

Ymir looked completely and utterly terrified.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

 **AN: Apologies for the lateness of this chapter; it should have been something I addressed last chapter for anyone who cares about it being weekly updated. I'm presently on vacation, but will be back this weekend. The next chapter should be up next Friday, possibly earlier, and past that, chapter updates should be back to normal. Apologies to anyone that this affected.**


	30. Chapter 30

The house was about as modest as any house could have been, Joe thought as Florian pulled into the driveway; small, but definitely able to accommodate two people with nothing flashy to give any reason to draw unwanted attention towards it. Grey with dark windows, a single car garage, it blended very well with the houses that surrounded it; if Florian and her sister's goal had been to remain inconspicuous, then they were doing just fine. Snow rumbled underneath the tires as they rolled to a halt over it and he looked out the window to see that there had been a heavier layer in town than had settled out by his residence.

"Hey, how about you let me out and shovel?"

Her mouth drew up and her brow furrowed as though that was one of the most outlandish things she had ever had the misfortune of hearing.

"C'mon, you're bringing me here for dinner, letting me hang at your house, it's the least I can do for… "

"No, don't be stupid."

"Stupid? How is wanting to… "

"Joe, just… drop it."

She gave him a smile, but her eyes held a look that was painfully familiar.

" _Listen, you need to stop being so totally unreasonable about this… "_

" _Unreasonable? Joseph, it's a fucking branch."_

" _Yeah, a big one. And it's up on your roof, so how's about I make my way up and outside… "_

" _If you leave this couch, I'm tackling you."_

 _Looking at her with a completely and utterly confused expression, Joe watched Ilse stare back at him with the expression of a mother who was waiting for her child to give up._

" _It's easy as hell. I can climb from the tree and have plenty of reach to stretch and grab that sucker and… "_

" _And if you fall?"_

" _I look the kind of guy to fall doing something like that?"_

" _Yeah."_

" _Okay, now you're lying."_

" _I need you to stop and think about what might happen if you did though. You fall, break your head and die… "_

" _Alright, what the fuck… "_

"… _you give me a fucking panic attack and realize that Mika will blame me if she comes and finds you dead in my yard. Then I realize I have very limited time to fuck your body which then… "_

 _He leaned back on the couch, throwing his head back._

" _Alright! Shit! Here I am, not leaving this fucking couch."_

 _She gave him a satisfied smile, but he couldn't help but see a regretful look in her eyes._

" _Who's all coming tonight?"_

" _Sasha, Ymir, and maybe Annie."_

" _Whoa, really? How the hell did you manage to get her out and about?"_

" _I said you were here."_

 _His head snapped back over to her in a brief shock and she smirked, not taking her eyes from the screen in front of her._

" _Very funny."_

" _Did you actually think for even the briefest second that that was true?"_

 _Throwing a leg over his lap and crossing his arms, he turned to look out the window._

" _No."_

 _She giggled._

" _You really are an awful liar."_

"Joe?"

Blinking a few times and pulling himself from the reservoir of his memories, he turned to smile at Florian who was eying him now with a fresh layer of concern.

"Yeah, sorry, just… remembering something."

Reading him like a book, she cocked her head as she turned off the ignition.

"Your family?"

He sniffed a brief laugh.

"Something like that."

Lowering her gaze, she reached across slowly and grabbed his wrist.

"Joe… "

"Mmm."

"Please look at me."

Knowing he could never deny a request from her, he rotated his neck, trying to not appear as tired as he felt. Her eyes were worried and seemed to be anxious on top of that.

"I… I know that you've had… a shitty last few days to say the least… "

"Last night kinda broke that."

She smiled but he could tell it was only to appease him.

"I really… would like for you to… shit, I don't know… "

"Spill why I'm really out here."

Looking as though she might grow faint with relief that he so quickly called her musings, she nodded somewhat urgently.

"I do."

In that moment, he knew that he wouldn't have a problem doing as she asked, but there was an odd feeling that kept him from obeying her.

"Tonight… promise."

This was very clearly not what she had wanted to hear, but she seemed to have no intention of arguing and released her grip on him.

"Okay."

After several somewhat awkward seconds, she gave a sigh of finality and opened the door, letting cold air drift in.

"Let's go introduce you, shall we?"

As Joe climbed out of the car after her, he realized that he was rather nervous to meet Florian's sister, for a few reasons. He had been told that she was particularly antisocial for reasons he didn't know, and that could always be worrying. He also had no idea if she was mentally stable or if her actions were the result of something happening to encourage that she never leave the house. And he was praying very deep down that she wasn't as drop dead gorgeous as her sister. Shivering, he crunched frozen precipitation underfoot as he followed her up to the front door; as they reached it, Florian stopped and looked behind them, expression looking as though she had expected them to be being watched. Joe opened his mouth to ask her, but she moved on just as quickly.

"Try to be quiet coming in, baby might still be asleep."

A strange sense of urgency took over him as he nodded and they stepped inside. The house was just as modest from within; it didn't appear to be less off than any other house he had ever been in, but the deliberate choice to have fewer belongings than most was obvious. Despite the grey sky that set the day in perpetual dusk, no lights appeared to be on as far as he could tell, the only light came dimly through the windows. He felt a hand on his waist gently easing him forward, and he realized he had been standing still in the doorway.

"Don't worry, nothing to be scared of."

The amusement in her voice put him more at ease and he obeyed her touch, sliding his shoes off and leaving them by the door. The wooden floor felt odd under his socks for some reason, as though it was much weaker than he knew it must be.

"I'll go and find her… just hang out for a few seconds, okay?"

Smiling, he nodded to her and she smiled back before retreating into a dark hallway. Not wanting to touch anything or even sit, Joe began very slowly walking around the living room. It was very bare, but didn't seem empty; more so, it felt cozy, a lot like…

 _Mina's._

He withheld a growl and clenched his fist; that wasn't something he could think about right now. Looking for anything within the room for something to distract him, his eyes found what looked like a picture, propped against the wall to the kitchen on a cupboard. It was difficult to make out until he was very close to it, and even then, he needed to lean down to make out its actual features.

It looked to be a part of some family photo, but appeared to have been cropped with how the proportions worked. Only four people were visible, but the full picture likely contained at least twice as many, by the looks of it. He saw Florian first, looking to be around her early years of high school. She was smiling, but it seemed sad, almost forced. Next to her was an older girl with black hair down past her shoulders; she was making no attempt to smile, looking barely content to remain in the picture at all. Sitting next to her was a blonde girl with no shortage of resentment in her eyes, her temper seeming to be short like her hair; she looked to be the second oldest of the lot of them. And in between all three knelt the youngest of the four, another blonde with a much more innocent expression and genuine smile. She couldn't have been past middle school and she appeared to be the only one of the four to be wearing an upbeat expression.

 _Hold on…_

There was something very familiar about the smile she wore, that was contagious enough to bring the corners of his mouth up briefly. Something about the way her hair caught the light perfectly, something about her eyes, so captivating even at that young an age, something about…

 _Does she… ?_

That was as far as his thought process made it before his head was yanked backwards and there was a sharp pain in his neck, which he managed to identify as the sting of a needle. He couldn't even begin to turn around before the world grew dark and he collapsed, sucked into the void as he still grappled with the familiarity of the girl's face.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The time was well past noon, Krista saw as she blinked at her phone. Sighing, she dropped it and lay on her back, as still as she could be while she tried to suppress the flood of memories that washed over her every morning. As usual, she failed and she rolled over, burying her face in her pillow as she cried silently into it and she began her morning ritual of cursing everything possible for bringing her to where she was now.

 _Why… why…_

She cursed the day she had taken Joe to that hotel, she cursed Kenny for everything he had done and everything he may do, she cursed Hange for leaving them when they needed her the most, but above all else she cursed herself. Not for what she had done to herself, but for what she had done to Ymir; using her to vent all of the hell she had been feeling now for days was something that wasn't new to her, she realized. Ymir was strong, far stronger than her, but she couldn't keep assuming that this would just be something she would be able to do for the rest of her life. She always did all she could to protect her, and Krista had attacked her for it, far more than once. It wasn't fair, but it was all she could think to do; in her blind agony and anger, Ymir was the easiest target.

 _I can't keep doing this to her… she's strong, but… that doesn't mean she deserves this…_

The tears eventually stopped coming and Krista flipped her pillow to press her face against the side that wasn't now soaked; closing her eyes, she tried thinking to something else, anything else. She settled on the first camping trip the six of them had gone on, years ago now it had been, but the memories still came easily. She remembered Sasha almost gutting Ilse with a s'more stick, she remembered the rest of them forcing Annie to sing campfire songs with them, she remembered the sky, so filled with stars, she could have gazed at it forever and not counted them all. As her breathing grew steadier, she became glad that she had stopped crying as the door handle turned loudly.

Quickly turning her head twist sideways to face away from the door, she listened to it swing open and heard footsteps pace quietly in. She closed her eyes, waiting for who she assumed was Ymir to leave, but opened them when she took notice of the incredibly labored breathing that had accompanied the footsteps. She listened as the door swung shut and all she could hear was the breathing for over a minute, until there was a thud and the sound of sliding. Curiosity grew and grew and when she heard a pained gasp, she couldn't stay still and she sat up, whipping her head towards the door.

Ymir was sitting, back against the wall with her head in her hands. Eyes cast downwards, she seemed to be muttering something under her breath. After several more seconds, Krista realized she was shaking.

"… Ymir?... "

Her head snapped up quick enough to make Krista recoil; jerking unsteadily to her feet, the façade that nothing was wrong began immediately.

"Oh, did I wake you?"

"No, I… I've been up a bit."

An awkward pause followed and even though Krista knew she was about to be lied to, she stepped into the trap anyway.

"What's wrong?"

Running fingers through her dark hair, Ymir swallowed audibly.

"Nothing, nothing, just… can you do me a favor?"

Krista was only able to open her mouth before her girlfriend continued, stammering along in a way that was most unlike her.

"Uh, just… stay in here? Alright? Until I come back up. There's someone… I'd rather you just stay up here is all."

Her heart started sinking, not because of whatever Ymir was so worried about, but because she knew she was about to be lied to again.

"Why?"

"I'll… no reason, just… I'll explain when I come back, okay?"

With half a mind to pull herself from the bed and march downstairs for the pure purpose of spiting her, Krista felt the fight drain out of her almost immediately when she saw the worry on Ymir's face.

"Promise?"

"Yeah, yeah, I promise."

Whether or not she could be believed didn't seem to matter much, even though Krista knew it should. She nodded and pulled the covers back up.

"What if someone else comes up?"

"Say you're not feeling well, I'll pass it along downstairs."

Lowering her gaze, Krista realized she was starting to feel sick anyway.

"Okay."

Ymir nodded several times, unevenly, as though she was trying to convince herself of the answer.

"Okay."

She nodded again.

"Okay."

And with that, she turned and practically stumbled out of the room, closing the door loudly behind her. Krista lay back, and tried to forget what had just happened; in her head, she concentrated as hard as she could until the campfire songs began to resonate once more in her head.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Stopping to lean agonizingly against the door, Ymir wiped the sweat that had leapt unbidden to her brow. She could hear a good many voices downstairs, Jean among them, sounding like he was trying to reignite the fire between him and Mikasa, a fire he had fooled himself into believing had been more than one sided. Ymir would have found it quite amusing if she wasn't so in another world.

 _How, how, how, how can this be happening…_

He hadn't recognized her, granted, but she didn't know if that would last and she was too terrified to return downstairs with that thought in her head. One of the most logical sounding ideas, which was how Ymir knew she was not presently in a good state of mind, was to walk downstairs and shoot him in the head. She didn't want him near any of them, no matter if this was a business visit or not, she didn't trust a single action he made or word he said.

 _Fucking, fuck this, how the fuck…_

Grinding her teeth hard enough to hurt, she straightened and somehow found the strength to calm her nerves. She could keep Krista safe for now, that was a start; turning to walk back down the hallway to the stairs, she was surprised as a hand gripped her upper arm and steered her backwards, forcing her along until they both came to a stop in the back corner of the hall.

"You wanna tell me what's up?"

In a strange way, Ymir was so incredibly relieved that it had been Sasha who grabbed her that she gave a genuine sigh; that relief gave way very quickly to fresh anxiety as, in the dark of the hallway, she was still able to see the suspicion and worry on her friend's face.

"What, uh… what are you talking about?"

It was a shitty playoff and they both knew it. Sasha drew closer, pressing against her and hissing angrily.

"Don't be stupid. I saw your face before you went upstairs."

Ymir swallowed, the only action she saw fit to do as Sasha continued.

"I've seen you scared before Ymir. That day in gym class. The day Krista was shot. The day Joe… "

She cut herself off as pain flashed across her face, but she returned to her argument, convinced she had made her point.

"I've seen you scared before. But not like just now. You looked… you looked like a fucking kid. Running from a goddamn axe murderer."

Taking a deep breath, her chest rising and falling slowly, but heavily. Silence fell between them, and Ymir found herself unable to meet her gaze as the grip on her upper arm tightened.

"So what's going on."

It was a demand, not a question; Sasha was not going to let her leave until she answered the question. She thought of her talk with Hange, and it sent a pang of loss through her as she realized that once again she was alone with this information.

"Ymir."

She looked up to see the eyes that had just recently shone with anger now glistening with tears.

"Please. Don't shut us out."

Closing her eyes and letting tears leak out, she pressed her face into Ymir's shoulder, all threatening demeanor crumpling.

"Don't shut down on us… we can't… we can't lose anyone… no more… "

Ymir opened her mouth, generic words of comfort trying to force their way out, but Sasha kept going.

"If something happened… to you… or Ilse… or anyone, I… "

That was all she managed before she started to break down and cry more. Ymir looked down at her and pulled her to her, holding her tightly; she thought about what this would mean, revealing what she had only ever told Hange, making her friends privy to something that she had long hoped to forget. She thought to all the times Sasha and Ilse had made fun of her for the stupidest things, remembering how they all mocked each other mercilessly. Then she remembered how when Mikasa had been raped, the steeled look on her face as she showed no embarrassment for what had happened.

"The older man downstairs, the one Levi brought back with him?"

Sasha stopped shaking and nodded against her chest without looking up.

"Long time ago, way back in middle school, he was my science teacher."

Closing her eyes, she surrendered.

"He raped me when I was twelve years old."


	31. Chapter 31

" _ **What one thinks is right is not always the same**_

 _ **as what others think is right;**_

 _ **no one can be always right."**_

― _**Roy T. Bennett**_

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

It struck Ymir as the words left her mouth that while she knew very well the person and friend she was revealing this information to, she had neglected to remember the personality of said person. Sasha stared up at her with wild eyes for several seconds, hardly even seeming capable of breathing.

"You… he… "

It looked as though she were about to break into fresh tears, but instead, she stood back a step and straightened her back. Inhaling deeply, she released it and closed her eyes.

"Okay."

Then, turning on her heel as fast as the eye could see, she lunged for the stairs; just anticipating what might happen a split second before it did, Ymir managed to catch up to her just before she reached the top step. Grabbing her would not have worked so, steeling herself, she launched herself and full-body tackled her friend to the ground. Against the carpet that lay over the wooden floor, the sound of their elbows and knees crashing down made a considerable ruckus, and as they both came to a painful halt, the sound of conversation downstairs quelled.

"Hey, everything alright up there?"

Ilse's voice called up with mild worry, and Ymir forced an amused laugh.

"All good, Sasha just tripped over herself."

"Alright… "

As the sound of voices downstairs began to rise, Sasha furiously attempted to free herself, growling against her teeth.

"Get off me… !"

"Not until you promise to not go downstairs and try and kill him."

This seemed to be too difficult a request to make of her, and she began squirming again without replying. For over a minute, Ymir struggled to keep Sasha held down as she kicked and thrashed as much as she could before finally lying back and turning her head to the side.

"How long are you going to keep me here?"

"As long as I have to."

There was a long pause as Sasha refused to meet Ymir's eyes.

"He raped you."

"He did."

"And you… you don't want to hurt him."

"I didn't say that."

"Then WHY THE FUCK WON'T YOU… "

Crossing her arm over, Ymir slapped a hand over her mouth, holding her head down as she whispered in her ear.

"He didn't recognize me. And somehow, for now, he's an ally to Levi. So, for now, I'll see what he can offer us."

She got as close as she could without brushing her lips against Sasha's ear.

"So, for now, you will remain as passive as I. If anyone has a right to hurt him, it's me."

Allowing trust to guide her, she stood quickly, remaining tense as she watched Sasha slowly follow her lead. The aggression had drained from her body, but not from her eyes, which still burned with fire and tears.

"Fine."

Ymir wanted to reach for Sasha as she walked away, clearly full of a different rage than she understood; at the top of the stairs, she stopped. Without looking back, she spoke quietly and with more restrained distress than Ymir had heard in her voice since the day they had lost Joe.

"I don't know why you're doing this. Why, after everything that's happened, you're still cowering. I'll keep this secret, but I will never know why I have to."

And she left Ymir standing in the dark hallway, feeling more hurt than any amount of blows could have dealt her.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

 _Krista stood over his grave as she had many times before. She could see that it was sitting in what appeared to be the middle of a desert, where the horizon seemed to go on forever, but it didn't seem relevant. Kneeling beside the stone, she placed a hand against it, wishing against all odds that he could be beside her once more, and tell her what she should do. He hadn't been as sharp as Mikasa or Annie, not as steel-minded as Hange or Ymir, not as emotional as Sasha or Ilse could be, but every time she had spoken to him, he had always seemed to know the right answer, to any problem she could pose before him. Closing her eyes, she wished that once more, in this desert, he could speak to her._

" _Well, fancy meeting you out here."_

 _She knew it was him before she even spun to face him; doing just that, she saw him, staring at her and smiling as a brother would at a sister who had just been caught in the act of doing something incredibly clumsy. Straightening quickly, she blinked at him as she realized that they were both naked; somehow, it didn't feel embarrassing._

" _Where are we?"_

 _Crossing his arms, he raised his eyebrows as though that were a very interesting question._

" _I'm not sure."_

 _He looked around at the endless expanse of wasteland that surrounded the both of them._

" _Where would you say we are?"_

" _It… it looks like a desert."_

 _Smiling a very knowing smile, he nodded without looking at her._

" _Hmmm."_

 _He looked so content, so peaceful, that she almost couldn't bring herself to bother him; she should have asked him if that had been him in the hospital, why he had saved her instead of the baby, how he had survived, but at that moment, only one thing seemed to matter to her._

" _What do I do, Joe?"_

 _Sighing, he let his hands drop to his sides._

" _Well, we could try to make a sand castle I guess, not much that can really be done out here other than that… "_

 _The joke made her smile, if only for a second._

" _I mean, about Ymir."_

 _His face sobered._

" _Oh."_

 _Scratching the back of his head, he appeared to recess deep into thought._

" _Oh."_

 _Krista watched him as he walked several paces, sand running between the cracks between his toes._

" _You do know that you are the reason she keeps fighting, right?"_

 _While the question shouldn't have caught her off guard, it did._

" _I… I don't… "_

 _Catching on to her uncertainty, he smiled again._

" _You have something very fortunate, Krista. You have someone who cares about you more than they care about themselves. Some might think that something easy to come across, but it's rare to find a case like yours and Ymir's."_

 _He walked towards her then and gently reached out to take her wrist. Raising her forearm, he gently ran his fingers along the still recent cuts that ran along it; she shivered and looked away._

" _She started doing this to help deflect the pain she probably was feeling from, oh, you know, feeling responsible for not getting you to the hospital, not being there when you were kidnapped, blaming herself for the loss of your baby, all while you sat there and blamed her right along with… "_

" _ALRIGHT!"_

 _Yanking her arm out of his grasp, she looked up at him angrily; he had sent her from calm to livid in just a few seconds. He was still smiling, but it wasn't genuine anymore._

" _You think that because she's strong, she can take the brunt of whatever you two face. You think that because of that, you're fine just wallowing in your own grief while she suffers through the same pain, all while trying to make things better for you. Not for herself. For you."_

" _She… I'm not… "_

 _He shook his head and looked at her with an air of disbelief._

" _Fuck, Krista, at least stop lying to yourself, even if you're fine lying to her."_

Inhaling sharply, Krista found herself staring up at the ceiling; the grey light outside told her it must have some time in the afternoon since she had fallen back asleep. Her heart was racing, but no sweat clung to her face. Sitting up, she took several long deep breaths and she became aware of voices downstairs. She recalled that Levi had brought people over for dinner, and she remembered that Ymir had not wanted her to meet one or more of them. Krista remembered how scared she had looked upon entering the room and how little mind she had paid to her girlfriend who looked more frightened than she had ever seen.

 _She protects me… she's always protected me…_

She remembered her dream then, and suddenly, her mind felt clear. Not happy, not angry, not depressed, just clear.

 _It's about time I start protecting her._

Getting out of bed, she dressed herself and exited the room, heading towards the stairs and the voices that echoed from below.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Joe woke very suddenly, a sharp breath washing into his lungs as he opened his eyes to blackness. Worry immediately began to flood his veins as he tried to remember how he had come to wherever he was now. He seemed to be lying on a bed, with his wrists and ankles tied to boards that made up the frame; they had been done very tightly and his left hand and foot had lost circulation. He couldn't see anything in the darkness of the room, but as he managed to raise his head, he could see faint light coming from under the crack where the door was. As clarity and awareness began to focus in his mind, he felt panic begin to rush through his gut and head.

 _How did… who did…_

While the answer to "who" seemed incredibly obvious, he couldn't bring himself to believe that Florian would have drugged him and tied him up; he wouldn't believe it. He started to struggle, trying to loosen his bonds in any way that he could; after minutes of what his frustrated and frightened mind began to tell him was a futile struggle, he heard voices, low and angry coming down the hall, stopping a distance from his door.

"What the FUCK are you thinking, sis?!"

"I should ask you that. He told you everything he's done, he's been in the business, probably killed people, probably out here on the run, like us. I told you to stay away from him, but when you ignored me, I didn't press it. Because he seemed to make you happy."

"He's like us! Everything you said… "

"That's why I can't trust him. You know how far… HIS reach went. For all we know, he could have been one of the people he sent to kill Abel and Historia!"

"God, can you stop being paranoid for a single fucking second?! He can't be older than twenty two! He would have been in fucking middle school to be a part of that!"

"I'm not ruling anything out."

"You are so goddamn unbelievable."

"Let's not forget that he, by your own words, disappeared for a couple days and came back with a BABY? That's doesn't seem off to you? As well as the fact that he was only ever incredibly vague about his past?"

"You don't… you don't know anything about him."

"Doesn't sound like you do either."

There was the brief sound of a scuffle in the hallway.

"Get off… !"

"If you are really going to be this fucking ridiculous, we need to go and talk to him, at least."

"We will, not yet."

Two sets of footsteps passed his door and continued out of earshot along with the sounds of the continued and hushed argument. Joe wanted to process and think about what he had just heard, but there, in the dark and bound, all he could fix his mind on was escaping. One of the voices had been Florian, and while it sounded like she was in his defense, he couldn't trust either of them.

 _This is not going to be where I die._

As his struggles once more yielded nothing in regards to freeing him, he grit his teeth and shook his hands violently in frustration, then gasped as something cold and sharp pierced the back of his palm. Twisting his hand and feeling blood, he realized that he had cut himself on a metal bolt that was holding the bed together that stuck just far out enough that maybe…

 _Worth a shot._

Adrenaline rushed through him as, a minute later, his hand was free. Liberating the rest of his body took several minutes more, all while he flicked his gaze towards the door every few seconds, waiting to see the shadows of footsteps outside. Finally, he undid the last restraint holding his ankle and he nearly fell out of the bed in his haste to escape.

 _Stop, think, think, think… they have drugs… they probably have guns too._

His pockets were empty, no phone, no wallet, no gun. Realizing that he had nowhere to go but forward, he made his way to the door and after listening for what felt like forever, he opened the door. It didn't squeak, by the grace of heaven, and he closed it quietly behind him. Despite being clothed, he felt naked as he pressed against the wall and began creeping towards where he thought the front door must be. He was thankful there were still few to no lights on; he must have only been out a couple hours as the outside still reflected the grey light of a winter afternoon.

He began to hear the voices again and he slowed his pace even more than it already was. Reaching the living room, he crouched behind the wall that led to the kitchen and locked his eyes on the front door. It was forward and to his left, with the kitchen on his right and the living room forward with...

 _Damn._

His gun was right there along with the rest of his belongings; to the right of the table, out of sight, he could hear the argument, clear and plain, ensuring that they were standing right there.

"We only have each other anymore."

"We could have more if you would stop… "

"Florian, for once in my life, I need you to trust me."

It grew quiet and Joe thought for a terrifying moment that perhaps he had been seen.

"How… dare you… "

"I didn't mean that."

"If I… had just not listened to you that day… do you remember what they did to Abel? How they took her and… ?"

"I REMEMBER!"

"THEN DON'T TRY AND PRETEND LIKE EVERYTHING I'VE EVER DONE HASN'T BEEN… "

Only half listening, Joe saw an opportunity. It was stupid, it was a terrible idea, he should have left and tried to find a different exit. But then again, stupid was always how he got things done.

Propelling himself so hard that his leg yelled in pain, he launched himself into the room, eyes only on the gun. He reached it, grabbed it and continued lunging to his left, crashing to the ground painfully and bringing up the gun, pulling the hammer back as he did. Directing it in the direction of where he had heard the argument, he drew deep breaths and tried to get his heart rate under control.

Florian and the older girl he had seen in the picture were standing by the window; both had clenched fists and there were tears on Florian's cheeks. They were staring at him in bewilderment and when he realized the element of surprise had worked in his favor, he scrambled to his feet, gun still directed their way.

"Alright… alright… "

Shaking her head in befuddlement, Florian stepped forward a single pace.

"Joe… ? What are you… "

Turning the gun towards the young woman next to her, he narrowed his eyes. She glared back at him, still as a statue, the fear on her sister's face absent on hers.

"Who are you?"

Florian took another step.

"That's, she's… she's my… "

He didn't move his gaze as he spoke.

"Wasn't talking to you."

In his peripheral, he could see her blink and pull her head back in offense. Next to her, her sister spoke coolly.

"Frieda Reiss."

"I assume you were the one who knocked me out and tied me to the bed like the bottom in a BDSM video."

She didn't smile at his dark humor.

"Correct."

"May uh… may I ask why you did that?"

"Couldn't trust you."

"You know trust goes both ways, and tying me to a fucking bed after drugging me doesn't exactly fill me with that sort of feeling."

"Then what would have?"

"Oh, I don't know meet me at the door, start up a conversation, put on some tea… anyone you've been in a relationship with must surely have had some wild times if this is how you meet new people."

That time, she did smile, if only very quickly.

"More than you know."

Florian seemed to have enough of their conversation and started to look panicked.

"Look, Joe, just put down the gun, we can talk about… "

"I may be stupid for trusting you, but… fool me once, and all that."

It hadn't been what he meant, but he saw her face light up with pain as he spoke. It pained him too, but he didn't have time for apologies or the weakness that was shown with them.

"Frieda, if that is your name. I'd like to know what exactly your story is. You and your sister's."

She began talking almost immediately, and he saw a look in her eyes that worried him. It was a constantly calculating look crossed with that of a cornered animal; he knew she was looking for a chance to move on him.

"Simple enough. We were born into a wealthy family with two brothers and two other sisters. Life as children was as perfect as a child could ask for, but when we grew old enough, we began to notice things. Our father's business that we never knew or were told anything about. The strange men who came by who we knew nothing about. How we would hear late night phone calls with a lot of yelling. I found out first: our father was a very large figure in the drug trade."

Despite the fact that he could see her looking for a chance to rush him, he saw pain begin to blossom behind her eyes. They were beautiful, just like her sister and seemed… familiar.

"He threatened me like he never had before. Not like I had been caught with my hand in the cookie jar as a kid. Like… if I told anyone, he'd do bad things to me. Our brothers were sent off to a private school, I don't think they ever found out, but Abel found out next, then Florian."

She jerked her head towards the picture he had already seen.

"That was taken not too long after the three of us knew. I was getting ready to finish high school, Abel was a couple years younger, Florian a couple under that. Then… Historia. She was youngest and had always been curious. The three of us kept quiet and lived with the fear of what could happen if we ever took the information to the police or anyone like that. Then, one late night, at the end of summer… "

She smiled again, no humor was present.

"She found out her daddy was a killer."

Joe slowly found himself lowering the barrel of the gun.

"She panicked, she must've, she didn't come to any of us. She ran three miles to the police station because she didn't know how to use a phone. We found out what had happened, and didn't have a choice but to tell our father. He went crazy, beat the three of us, and forced us into the car to track her down."

As Florian made a noise that was close to a sob, Joe was slightly concerned to realize that Frieda seemed to be inching a hand towards her pocket.

"As we pulled into the parking lot, we saw her through the windows getting hassled by some officers under the eye of a guy named Kenny Ackerman, just a sheriff back then, but had a lot of power because he worked with our dad."

Cold spread through Joe's chest faster than anything he had ever felt.

"She was crying, she was scared, father told us to wait, but Abel, she… she was always the most headstrong. She jumped out and ran inside pulling them off of Historia. They grabbed her quick and started to… "

She cut off sharply and while her face betrayed no emotion, she didn't seem able to go on; Florian, however, tears now flowing freely picked it up, pleading at Joe with her eyes.

"They started raping her. Ripped her clothes off and then they found that… Abel, was… she was different at the waist. They saw it, and… oh Christ, they started pulling on it and she started to scream as they got more and more violent. Historia jumped on one and they threw her off and as she started to get up… "

It was her turn to cut off, gasping as she fell to her knees. Frieda did nothing more than look Joe dead in the eyes.

"Ackerman gunned her down, quick as that."

His heart was starting to hurt.

"Father cursed us all as me and Florian started screaming too. He climbed out and went to the trunk while they kept hurting Abel inside. I watched Ackerman… poke her with a knife until she bled all over, I… I couldn't stop watching or move. Father came back and threw a briefcase at me, said it was full of money. Told the both of us to run and hide, because if he ever found us again, he'd kill us. When we didn't move, he pulled a gun and chased us out into the street, firing at our feet. The last thing we saw was Ackerman putting the barrel of his gun between Abel's eyes as the building disappeared around a corner."

She smiled once more.

"Didn't stop us from hearing the gunshots though."

Florian gave a shudder and looked up at him, eyes so pained that he almost couldn't look back.

"That's why, Joe! That's why we're out here, that's why we hide, that's why… why we've been trying to track down Ackerman and kill him for what he did, but we can't risk using internet in case our IP is being tracked, we can't go back, because who knows what we'll find, we can't… WE CAN'T DO ANYTHING!"

In that moment, the gun dropped to the floor as he found himself overwhelmed and Frieda was on him just as quickly; throwing her shoulder into him, he went flying back into the wall and she grabbed his dropped gun. Leaping onto him, she pressed the barrel under his chin, but he hardly noticed. His eyes were still on Florian who hadn't moved. It was then, he realized he was crying himself.

"I… I'm sorry."

Letting out a short wail, she crawled the rest of the way to him, and laid her head on his shoulder where she started to sob into it. Frieda looked no more than exasperated as she looked to her sister, then she lowered her head to whisper in his ear.

"I will not rest until I kill Kenny, and then my father. You will not be getting in the way."

Joe heard this, but it meant nothing to him. All he could do was replay the story in his mind and curse the name of the man who seemed to spread like a disease wherever he went.

 _Kenny… how many lives have you ruined?_

The world seemed to pulsate against his eyes; he closed them to shut out Frieda's furious glare and Florian's shaking arms around him. He couldn't escape it, none of it. No matter what he tried, it followed him, it would always follow him. He thought to Mikasa, to Mina, now to Florian and Frieda, who had lost that which made his losses seem pathetic by comparison. He hurt so badly and as he prayed that Frieda would just pull the trigger, he heard the sound of crying.

 _The… baby…_

Its cry was brief and quiet, but, as he heard it, he knew then what needed to be done. At this point, it was all he could do.

 _Kid… I don't know if it's safe for you to go back… but I can't have you running away with me. Not anymore._

He opened his eyes and smiled; he could see the confusion on Frieda's face as he did so.

"Kenny Ackerman, huh?"

Florian gave a sniff and stopped crying long enough to look up at him with confusion as well, as Frieda glared at him, giving a slow nod.

"Yes."

For the first time in ages, he felt something that felt foreign, and terrible. Yet wonderfully good.

"I think I know where to look."


	32. Chapter 32

Many would have called her crazy for choosing to work all day on Christmas, but Ethel had no such reservations about working on a holiday that meant so very little to her. For one, working on this day guaranteed a nice bonus since it was a date no one else wanted to work. Second, Chief Ackerman had been nothing but kind to her since she had taken her position, and she wanted to be very open to the idea of making herself available if he needed. It was only nearing six in the evening, but it was almost completely dark as a light snowfall had begun to make its way down; Ethel's job had never required a great deal of brainpower, nor had it ever been a cause for much stress for her. Keeping eyes on countless files that no one ever seemed to care about nor come for was a job that did her heart well and was something that she never truly believed could get her into trouble.

At least until that day, that is.

"Sure is quiet in here."

Looking up from her Facebook, Ethel raised her eyes to see someone clad with a black jacket and a ski mask, holding a pistol that was directed between her eyes. In a single second, she went from relaxed to in a near state of panic; her hands went up and she leaned back, unable to do more than sputter for her life.

"I… you don't… please, there's… "

"Shut up, I'd like to make this quick."

"There's no money here, this is just an archive building, we don't… "

"You think I don't know that?"

Swiftly, he hopped up onto the counter and she gave a short shriek.

"I need you to do two things for me."

She nodded so many times, she may have shook some of her fillings loose.

"Get me every file associated with Kenny Ackerman. Every single fucking one, if there's a file talking about his dental habits, I want it out here, NOW."

"I can, but there are probably a lot that will need to be copied and printed and… "

"I'm waiting."

As she got slowly to her feet, Ethel made sure that he wasn't going to shoot her for moving, then she took off for the server room. Over the next half hour, he followed her around judiciously as she printed, copied and stacked all the files he had requested. She had no intention of lying to him and as cardboard boxes began to be filled, she realized that she didn't want to either. Finally, three large boxes were stacked by the door, full of documents that, for the life of her, Ethel didn't know what he wanted to do with. Turning to her, he cocked his head.

"This place have security cameras?"

"Yes."

"Wipe the last hour, would you?"

Rolling her chair over to the security console, she went about doing as he asked as quickly as she could. As she finished erasing that portion of the recording he had asked, she felt a hand fall onto her shoulder and she gasped involuntarily.

"Calm down. You've done very well. You have a phone?"

She reached for her smartphone.

"No, no, a phone for the building."

Pointing, she nodded towards the desk behind the printer.

"Over there on the other side. By the stapler."

He seemed to trust her as he didn't bother moving over to her indicated spot to check.

"Thank you. Now, you're going to take a little nap is all."

The voice brought itself very close to her ear and she flinched.

"Though you should know you've helped do a very good thing tonight."

Before she could even so much as begin to contemplate what that meant, there was the stick of what could only have been a needle in the side of her neck and her panic lapsed into peace and darkness.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Placed between Mikasa and Reiner, Annie was fairly sure she had never been a part of a dinner that on the outside looked so pleasant and upbeat, that on the inside, surely had everyone doing cartwheels in their stomachs. Zeke and Jean had been the loudest of the several conversations that were taking place at the table; Zeke somehow had no problem listening to the latter rattle on and on about his modest genius and brilliant entrepreneurship, which might have made him the first person ever to do so. Other talks were taking place as well, not a single one regarding the nature of the grim situations that surrounded them; Mikasa and Reiner were somehow having a very relaxed talk about the nature of the high school education system and the pros and cons it posed, and Annie was doing her best not to snap at them to stop acting like everything was fine. The only person who seemed to not be putting on a tremendous façade was Levi, who sat at the head of the table and hadn't so much as said a word.

"… Annie… hey, Annie?"

Flicking her gaze up, she saw Ilse looking at her with an air of curiosity and worry.

"Could you send the gravy this way?"

Blinking, the blonde complied, staring at her friend before watching her resume talking with Sasha. As her gaze passed up and down the table, she realized that there was another person who seemed on edge, but it wasn't for any reason Annie was aware of. Ymir looked as though someone under the table was slowly pulling out her toenails; she kept looking to Krista, who despite her girlfriend's claims that she hadn't been feeling well, had come downstairs to the surprise of the rest of them and put herself next to Petra. The two of them had been talking ever since the commencement of dinner and Krista looked almost as though she was ignoring Ymir's attempts to get her attention. Annie didn't know what the issue between them was, but she had much more on her mind than whatever relationship problems her friends were battling through.

At a sharp buzz, she turned her head; Levi's phone, facedown next to his plate, hummed along the table before he snatched it up, staring at the screen. He seemed to look mildly confused, as confused as Levi could get anyway, as he stood.

"Apologies, one moment."

No one beyond Petra and Marco who sat near him seemed to notice beyond Annie and he walked to the kitchen, putting it to his ear. Realizing she was the only person who would likely be doing so, she put as much willpower as she could into her ears as she desperately tried to listen in on his conversation.

"Who the hell is… do you have, ANY idea the fucking trouble you… no, none."

Jean gave a long, loud laugh and Annie wished he was sitting closer so she could land a kick on his shin.

"… just the both of us. You need to get here now. You have a lot to answer… I'm aware. Alright."

The phone call was over in seconds, but he remained in the kitchen, looking out the window for at least a minute. Annie thought she saw him crack his knuckles.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Battling his way through the falling snow and through the parking lot, Joe popped the trunk of Frieda's car and lowered the boxes of files in haphazardly. Closing it, he jogged around and clambered into the backseat, talking before the door had even closed behind him.

"Drive."

Frieda needed no telling twice and she was out of the parking lot and back on the freeway within seconds. She too, didn't seem to be looking to waste time.

"You going to tell us what this was about?"

Florian put a hand on the back of her seat and turned to look at him, chewing the inside of her mouth nervously, eyes asking the same question her sister had just posed. Blood still rushing with the thrill of the crime he had just committed, Joe took a deep breath and leaned back, letting the vibrating of car lull him briefly.

"I didn't mention it when we left, but I didn't just know where Kenny Ackerman was. I, uh… had my own dealings with him."

Even in the dark of the early evening, with the glow of the streetlights being all that allowed him to see, Joe watched Frieda's fingers nearly crush the steering wheel; her face remained passive as Florian's eyes flicked between them nervously.

"What do you mean?"

Realizing the ambiguity of what he had said, Joe gave a humorless chuckle as he met her eyes in the mirror.

"Let's just say you aren't the only ones who would feel overjoyed to see his head roll."

He couldn't tell if Frieda believed him, but her eyes returned to the road a few seconds later without another word. Florian watched her sister carefully before biting her lower lip and looking back to him.

"So where to now?"

Grunting, he leaned between the front seats and began toying with the GPS system the car fortunately came equipped with.

"We got about an hour and half to a safe-house. A, uh… friend of mine is there now."

Frieda didn't look back at him as she glanced at the road he had plugged in to the computer.

"Can we trust him?"

Smiling in the dark, he felt some regret hit him.

"He might be the ONLY person we can trust."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Spinning in his chair carelessly and staring out the tinted window of his office, Kenny sighed. He didn't often find himself at a standstill on what to do, but there was very little on what he could go off of. He had known that Zoe wouldn't likely supply him with much of anything, save for a cloud of insults, but he needed to find the rest of them. Honestly, truly, he really didn't want them all eliminated, they were much more valuable to him alive, but he couldn't have them scampering around beyond his view plotting who knew what. He had not doubt they wanted to kill him, were plotting ways to kill him, but he wasn't worried. Most of them were far too emotional to manage anything resembling a proper…

"Chief?"

Realizing he had drifted away into his thoughts, he shook himself free; that was a dangerous place to go.

"Yeeeeess?"

His secretary ignored his half-assed response.

"Someone here to see you, sir, said that you'd have been expecting… "

"Let her in."

He didn't know why Carven would have been stopping by at that time, though if she wanted to share a holiday drink, he would greatly welcome the opportunity to take her up on that. Turning in his chair, and putting on his most charming smile, he found it quickly wiped from his face as a very different person walked in, face shadowed by the light behind her; he scowled.

"You weren't due in for another week."

"I heard that you were having some trouble with some certain young women."

"THAT is none of your business."

"Well, afraid I made it my business."

Kenny leaned forward, narrowing his eyes, but internally, he felt a smile begin to grow; she never got cocky or rude unless she had something to back it up.

"You know something?"

"I found them."

He didn't expect this and had to do a very careful job to hide both his surprise and his excitement.

"Where?"

"Cabin in the woods. Pretty sure there are others there, but I know for certain that they are."

Ideas raced through his head at a hundred per second; the most logical course of action would be to send in a raid squad and take the cabin quickly and quietly. But the more he thought about it, he knew that it could drum up controversy. He already had officers starting to question if he had ulterior motives and more and more were beginning to see Erwin ( _the bastard_ ) as someone who was more trustworthy than him. And as he dwelled upon it, he realized this was also a very good time to test a certain force that he had under his command.

"Should I throw together a team and head in?"

He stood jerkily.

"No, no. You can go, but I'm not sending officers on this one."

A smile began to spread.

"Go spread the word to our friends from south side. This ought to brighten their holiday."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Fact of the matter is, he should be removed from power. How that happens doesn't really matter, does it?"

"Jean, of course it fucking matters. If he is found dead in his office, that will raise a few questions as opposed to if he disappears quietly or resigns and then disappears."

"That sounds a lot harder to accomplish."

"It will be, but there's no point in killing him if we can't put in someone else who we can trust, like Erwin."

"And what makes you think we can trust Erwin?"

"Do you have any idea what he risked helping us?"

"And how do you know, that if we have him replace Kenny, that he won't launch a vendetta against us? He knows so much about our organization, if he gets put into power… "

"We're basing a lot of this on 'ifs', why don't we get ahold of him and… "

"Even if he tells us he won't… "

"Hange trusted him."

"And now she's gone."

"Watch it, Jean."

Worry and tensions had grown rampant in the past hour; Annie leaned back, listening closely, not because she had nothing to say, but because she was fairly sure than his conversation wasn't going anywhere soon. The reason Levi had brought Zeke, Jean, and company that evening had become apparent; if a plan was going to be put forth to take down Kenny, it would be decided that night.

"I don't know what else we can choose to do. Every minute we sit here talking is another minute he gets closer to finding us."

"We aren't doing anything without a solid plan."

"I believe I've presented one."

Mikasa spoke up for the first time in over half an hour.

"Jean, all you've presented is a suicide mission, that barely has a fifty percent chance of success anyway. A mission that throws things even further in the air than they are now."

Normally, a cowing from Mikasa would have been enough to close his mouth, but this didn't seem to be enough to silence him that evening; instead, he seemed to get even more heated.

"This affects all of us! He has a monopoly on all of us!"

Zeke, who had been very vocal for the earlier part of the evening and dinner, had grown silent, eying each speaker from over laced fingers. Annie had no bearing on whether or not she could trust him, but his silence had her growing concerned. At an angry shout, she looked up to see Jean and Sasha both getting to their feet, Marco and Ilse trying to pull them down respectively.

"This isn't all about you!"

"I seem to be the only one looking for a solution! Unlike you, I have no intention of giving up!"

Sasha may very well have launched herself across the table, if Krista hadn't gotten to her feet then.

"Stop it, both of you! You're acting like fucking children!"

Her raised voice was something that none of them had been expecting, and it certainly was enough to take Jean and Sasha down a few levels. She looked fully ready to continue, but as she opened her mouth, anger in her eyes, there was a loud knock on the door. Everyone's gave immediately flicked to it and the anger and tension transformed into a cloud of anxiety; standing, Levi looked around.

"Don't worry, I was expecting this. One moment."

He stood and walked through the kitchen towards the front door; slowly returning their gaze to each other, Annie opened her mouth ready to say something to keep Jean and Sasha at bay, and Mikasa was beside her, leaning forward. Then, possibly the last sound any of them could have expected to hear came from just out of sight. Ilse turned in her chair, blinking.

"Was… that a… baby?"

Everyone turned now, and as they all listened closely, hoping to catch the sound again, Levi came back into sight.

"Believe this belongs to you."

Screaming, Krista launched herself across the room where she swiftly dug what was indeed a baby from Levi's arms; holding it up, she stared into its eyes, mouth open and arms shaking. It squinted as though her face were a bright light, then wagged an arm poked her nose. Gasping, with tears spilling from her eyes, she dropped to her knees. Ymir, wobbling as much as Annie had ever seen, staggered over and dropped down beside her girlfriend. No words were exchanged, but the tears between them were more than sufficient. Annie actually felt herself begin to smile through her disbelief as the two of them leaned on each other, exhibiting more life than any of them had seen of them the past several days, while the baby made noises of gentle confusion between them.

"… Historia?... "

The single word spoken then came from beyond their sight; turning with the rest, Annie saw two young women standing in the entrance to the kitchen, both looking nothing if not shocked. Krista began to rise to her feet, though so slowly that it was almost impossible to see. The baby hiccupped over her shoulder and started grabbing with its pudgy hands towards Mikasa. The taller girl, with dark hair stepped towards the girl she had called Historia, slowly shaking her head, the blonde next to her gripping her arm as though her life depended on it. Annie realized that she, along with Mikasa, Ilse and Sasha were all on their feet.

"You… you… "

Krista and her approached each other, neither seeming able to even breathe. Then, the girl's arm slowly raised for Krista's face; Ymir neared her side, protective nature coming to the front, but neither of the two seemed to notice her. After what could have been minutes of no one daring to even blink. Then, her hand brushed Krista's face and the girl's impassive face shattered; dropping to one knee and looking up at Krista with tears in her eyes, Annie wasn't sure if she had ever seen so much pain and happiness on a person's face at the same time. Krista's eyes were so shocked that she didn't seem able to react; then, she reached out and mirrored the action. Together, they seemed to break against each other.

"Frieda!"

Bursting into fresh tears, they wrapped their arms around each other; Annie could only stare with the rest of them as the blonde reached out and pressed her head against Krista's, tears sliding silently down her face. For near a minute, they remained in each other's arms, before Levi walked in behind them; his eyes didn't even seem to register the scene as he appeared to be talking to someone out of sight,

"Bring it in… just on the table here."

Around the corner, very carefully and slowly, a pair of legs wandered into the kitchen, carrying a near towering stack of boxes.

"Sassafrass… you couldn't have picked a better… "

Grunting, the legs dropped the boxes onto the table with a loud enough bang to make an unwary person jump.

"… place to put the driveway, why in the hell would you… "

He straightened turned and Annie saw his face. Feeling her throat seize up, she watched his face pale almost immediately; a flat smile slid onto his face, and his eyes flicked to Levi.

"Sneaky."

All eyes now on him, he didn't seem to meet any gaze for longer than a second.

"Well… Merry Halloween and all that… "

The joke had only barely left Joe's mouth before Sasha nearly knocked the table over as she lunged for his throat.


	33. Chapter 33

Eyes widening in a completely understandable panic, Joe made a fearful noise and scampered around the kitchen island as Sasha bore down on him with a vicious look in her eyes.

"You… worthless sack of shit… "

Trying to keep as far away from her as he could, he raised his hands in as passive a gesture as he could manage.

"Wait, listen, listen, listen, I… "

Reaching onto the island, Sasha grabbed a metal spoon and whipped it at his head hard enough that it cracked the window when he ducked under it.

"You think I give a FUCK what you have to say?!"

Annie knew that the best action to take would be to step between them, but seeing him again, seeing his face, seeing him ALIVE and well, had her unable to do anything more than stand still as a statue, clenching and unclenching her fists. Because, quite honestly, she wanted to administer him a little payback of her own.

The blonde girl hugging Krista and the girl who had been identified as Frieda, still with tears on her face, looked over at the scene with confusion and what could have been growing anger on her face.

"Fucking FUCKER!"

Leaping over the island, sending bowls and condiments flying, Sasha lunged for him with all the determination of a freight train; eyes widening further, Joe ducked under her charge and scrambled away towards the living room. Sasha began picking herself off the floor, eyes downcast and now swearing up a storm.

"So you weren't fucking dead. You fucking weren't."

"I uh, hehe, well… "

"Well, you are FUCKING ABOUT TO BE!"

He grit his teeth and raised his hands as she came barreling towards him, but when she was almost close enough to reach out and touch him, the blonde girl stepped between them. Her cheeks were still wet, but her eyes had come alive and furious; Sasha did not look to be even remotely cowed by this intrusion.

"You're going to need to get the fuck out of my way."

"No."

Sasha took a step to the side, and the blonde moved with to block her.

"What did he do to you? To warrant what you're saying?"

As though baffled that this wasn't common knowledge to the whole world, Sasha gave a mad shriek of laughter.

"What did he DO?! Oh, only apparently faked his death, and left us to wallow in grief so he could run off and play his own games."

Leaning slightly to look over the blonde's shoulder, Joe raised a finger.

"Actually, I did that so… "

Sasha pointed at him, eyes smoking with hate.

"SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!"

Seeming to shrink in size, he stepped back.

"All I'm trying to say is that if I had had any other… "

Cut off once again, his head snapped to the side as a fist lashed out and cut his cheek; he went crashing to the ground where he blurrily attempted to stagger to his feet. Seeming to have forgotten about her girlfriend, seeming to have forgotten about the baby that was now alive, seeming to have forgotten about everything, Ymir was now standing over Joe, fists clenched and eyes searing, but with a different kind of hate than Sasha. He looked up, blinking sight back into his eyes, trying to scoot away.

"Fuck, I didn't do it to hurt any of you! I didn't do it because… "

Ymir drew up a foot and stomped on his gut; body curling in pain, he gasped and rolled onto his side, clutching at himself; the blonde moved then, lashing out with her own foot and sending Ymir into the wall. She positioned herself in a way that placed herself to be ready to stop Ymir or Sasha, but Ymir didn't even seem to notice her; straightening, she looked down at Joe with enough derision to be frightening.

"You think I care about that? You think I give even the smallest inkling of a shit whether or not you lived or died on that day?"

Sasha, who had until that point been right beside her, now turned to look at Ymir, shock mixing with her anger. The latter continued, having eyes only for her victim.

"But if you actually think you can just steal our baby without any sort of… "

"YMIR, STOP IT!"

Krista had broken free of Frieda's grip and stepped forward; the baby was nestled deep in her shoulder and didn't seem to care about any of the increasingly violent proceedings. Using Krista's shouting as a distraction, Ymir slipped under the blonde's guard and slammed Joe in the face with her heel; as he crumpled back to the ground, the blonde grabbed Ymir by the hair and threw her aside with enough strength to be surprising before Sasha lowered her head and tackled her to the ground. At once, Krista handed the baby to Frieda and ran over with Ilse to pull the two apart, but not before hits enough to bleed had been exchanged.

"Florian! FLORIAN! Enough!"

Florian yanked herself free from Krista and wiped blood that was now leaking from her nose. Looking over towards Krista, she shook her head.

"What the fuck is going on, Historia? Who… who are all these people, why do… WHAT DID HE DO?!"

Krista opened her mouth as though to reply, but then saw Ymir inching her way around them; growling, she jumped in between her and Joe, balling her fists.

"Cut it out! The baby's back! Joe probably saved its life from the wreck!"

"Yeah? Why'd he wait so long to bring it back then?"

"That's… that's not… "

"So he's the father, so what? You're just going to brush off the fact that… "

Florian seemed to swell with indignation.

"Wait, WHAT?!"

Frieda, baby cooing contently in her arms, stepped forward, eyes wide.

"What do you mean, 'he's the father'?"

Annie stared while Krista swallowed; Ymir, never taking her eyes off of Joe, spoke in a flat, menacing tone.

"I assume you guys are sisters, yet another thing I was never told about, uh… but this guy here fucked your sister and ran off with the baby."

Frieda's eyes shifted slowly to Joe, surprise slowly melding into anger. Florian too, looked to him with eyes that burned with new shock and distress.

"Joe, you… ? You… ?"

Getting unsteadily to his feet, Joe looked around through the eye that wasn't almost swollen shut.

"Alright, alright, hold up. I get being mad, right. I get it. I get wanting to kick my teeth in, sure. But… why the hell… "

Suddenly, he seemed to glow with a new persona and straightened, mouth forming into a snarl.

"WHAT THE FLYING FUCK DO YOU MEAN, I'M THE FATHER?!"

Turning to face him, Krista closed her eyes for a moment.

"Around two months after we met. You were very drunk, and I was very high. It shouldn't have happened, but… "

He adopted a disbelieving smile.

"You know, I don't think I've ever actually been THAT drunk… "

"You were."

Reiner stepped forward, and Annie realized she had forgotten that he, Bertholdt, Zeke, Jean, and Marco had been there, though they definitely appeared as though they had been trying to sink into the wallpaper. His low, steady voice was almost a relief to hear, even if what he said was conducive of anything but.

"I watched you both meet up near a streetlight, completely by chance. You somehow managed to get yourself to a motel and… well… "

He gave a satisfied smile.

"Why do you think that I hunted you down to beat the hell out of you the first time we met?"

Seeming to take this with a grain of salt, Joe took a staggering step to the right, eyes narrowing.

"You… you mean to tell me… that kid… belongs to me… "

Krista nodded gently, eyes softly watching him.

"Yes."

He stared at her for several seconds, facial expression never changing. Then, suddenly, he gave a tremendous wheeze of a laugh, bending over like a tree in the wind. Giggling in what could have almost been a maniacal way, he looked to Krista with a look that appeared to say, 'really?', and shook his head.

"I know I just got back, but man, I did not think we were going to jump into jokes so quick, holy shit."

Ymir broke into a sprint, but somehow, Krista managed to wrap an arm around her waist and hold her back by digging her heels into the ground.

"Ymir, STOP!"

Annie found she could no longer remain silent.

"She's right. This won't do any good."

Ymir, eyes still locked on the still chuckling Joe, strained against her girlfriend.

"Would me."

Florian, eyes pained and face in shock, looked past Ymir to Krista.

"Are you… is that true?"

Krista, words failing her, nodded with tears beginning to form in her eyes again; Florian, chest starting to heave slowly, looked to Joe, voice hissing like a snake.

"You… I… I let you in… I trusted you… I… I put aside EVERYTHING for you. And… and the whole time, you had KNOCKED UP MY SISTER, STOLE HER BABY, RAN OFF LIKE A COMPLETE FUCKING… "

As her voice rose to a furious shout, she began to move aggressively towards him, but was cut off as three, thudding gunshots rang out and the floor by her feet was punched with the same number of holes. Stopping, she turned along with the rest of them. Mikasa had her pistol out and had it directed now right between Florian's eyes.

"Don't go near him."

The barrel of the gun rotated steadily to point at Ymir and Sasha, both who were still being restrained by Krista and Ilse respectively.

"No one go near him."

Annie wanted to step forward and take the gun from her, but the look in her friend's eyes indicated that anyone who tried to stop her would be forced aside. It was a look that she had seen before.

 _A look I never wanted to see again._

Slowly, deliberately, Mikasa began to walk forwards, from her place at the dining room table to the young man who stood, hunched and bleeding, smile faded from his face. Her steps were silent, the gun came to rest against her waist; as she neared him through the now-deafening quiet, Joe righted himself as best he could, clearly unsure of how to look at her. She stopped not a foot in front of him, and for over a minute, they stared at each other, her eyes flat and unreadable, his nervous and cautious.

"… Was I just a joke to you?"

Her question was genuine, and though her face as remained as passive as ever, Annie heard the pain in her voice. Joe slumped then, closing his eyes briefly, appearing to be distressed that this was where she was coming from. He didn't dare overextend though, and his answer was likely the best he could have given.

"No."

She seemed to disregard this.

"Was it just a game? Something to amuse you?"

He didn't meet her eyes as he swallowed towards the ground.

"No, it wasn't."

She disregarded this as well.

"How did you just… walk away… without feeling anything?"

"I never said I didn't."

Mikasa watched him refuse to meet her eyes for several seconds before closing the distance; straightening, his gaze once again met hers as she jammed the gun under his chin. Though her stature had always been powerfully above his, Annie could see her frame beginning to waver; she didn't need to see her face to hear the tears in her friend's voice.

"Do you… have any idea… how much… you HURT me… ?"

It was his turn to deliver a stinging reply, and Annie felt her breath nearly stop as he did.

"We were pretty good at doing that to each other, weren't we?"

Whether he meant it lightheartedly or not couldn't have mattered in the slightest; drawing back her arm, Mikasa pistol-whipped him across the temple and he stumbled back into the wall, nearly falling. No tears yet plastered her cheeks, but her eyes were red enough that they as well have; her gun came up and jammed itself against his forehead.

"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! THAT YOU COULD DO WHAT YOU DID AND JUST… WALK AWAY?! DO YOU… DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY DAYS I SPENT WISHING I WOULD DIE?!"

He made no attempt to defend himself physically nor wipe the blood now streaming from the fresh cut on the side of his head. Now, he just looked tired.

He looked as though he had given up.

"That wasn't my plan."

"LOVE DOESN'T FOLLOW A PLAN, YOU SON OF A BITCH!"

"I know. I know."

"I SHOULD FUCKING SHOOT YOU FOR WHAT YOU DID!"

"Ain't gonna argue with you on that."

Roaring, she drew back her free hand and struck him across the face; he went crashing into the wall to his left and then to the ground. Pulling himself to his hands and knees, he barely made it that far before Mikasa drove her foot into his ribs and flipped him over as he shouted with pain. Krista moved forward, but Mikasa saw her in her peripheral and raised her gun; the blonde froze and swallowed. Coughing gently into his chest, Joe looked up as her gaze turned on him once more, looking fully ready to hit him again; then, against all odds, he smiled.

"Good to know our relationship hasn't changed."

Her arms shook so badly then, that Annie thought the gun would shake free of her grip. As her shoulders started to slump, her face softened and she came as close as she had that evening to taking the expression that Annie had enviously watched her give Joe all those months ago. Then, her eyes flashed and a snarl appeared to take away any of the compassion her face had been beginning to show and, as he raised her gun once more, there was the racking of a slide behind her. Annie knew who it was, but she didn't want to look; Ilse's voice confirmed her fears.

"Put the gun down, Mika."

Ilse's stance was much more strong and steady, though her eyes betrayed the rampant fear that was coursing through her. Mikasa turned slowly, looking very much as though something very sour had just been jammed in her mouth; her gun didn't move from Joe's face as she stared down the barrel of Ilse's.

"What are you doing."

"Keeping you from making a mistake."

There were several long seconds of silence.

"You… Krista… why do… why do you both defend him after EVERYTHING he's done… "

"Because everything he's done doesn't warrant this."

"You can honestly say that after… "

Ilse grit her teeth and her brow furrowed.

"GIVE ME FUCKING BREAK, MIKA! THIS IS ALL ABOUT YOU, ISN'T IT?!"

As she looked to both Ymir and Sasha, it became obvious her wrath wasn't directed at a single person.

"GODDAMMIT, THE THREE OF YOU! WE ALL KNOW THAT HE DID WHAT HE DID… FOR US! NOT HIMSELF! SO HE LEFT YOU! TO SAVE EVERY SINGLE FUCKING ONE OF US!"

Sliding his way slowly up the wall, Joe wiped the blood from dripping into his eyes.

"Very kind of you… "

Her eyes flashed to him.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

He slid back down the wall a ways; Ilse's attention returned to Mikasa who was meeting her gaze with just as much venom. With a great deal of visible effort, she seemed to quell her anger.

"What gives you the right to judge him for what he did? For his intentions? No matter how much he hurt you, how can you just assume that he did this with bad intentions?"

Ymir snorted.

"I actually couldn't give less of a shit whether or not he did die on that day, but he did knock up my girlfriend."

Krista stepped forward, frustration visible in her eyes.

"It was my fault! I've said that before!"

Ymir shrugged.

"So?"

The blonde didn't seem to have an answer for that and simply looked away, breathing heavily. Mikasa spoke then, and Annie realized that while she still held the gun to him, she had drawn closer to Joe.

"You don't get it, Ilse. You never got it."

She turned as though to look at him, but now didn't seem able to.

"He's mine. And he took himself away from me. He is the only one I can blame."

Ilse stared for a long time. Then, her gun fell from her hand to land on the carpet with a much louder thud than should have been possible; she slowly shook her head, and Annie saw tears form over the rage.

"How… how fucking self-centered are you… ?"

Her reply was just above a whisper.

"More than you know."

The two of them continued to stare daggers at each other, and just when it appeared they may start shouting at each other again, Levi sighed and stepped forward.

"Yes, this is all very entertaining to watch, but melodrama is not something that belongs here right now. If you all wish to fight over the rights of who is going to kill him, it will have to wait."

His voice brought Annie an indescribable amount of relief, as though reason itself had just stepped into the fray and halted them all. Gesturing, he nodded towards the table.

"Let's everyone sit, and let's finish our conversation."

Iciness crept into his voice as his gaze drifted from Mikasa, to Ilse, to Sasha and then Ymir.

"Civilly."

Feeling it would have been irresponsible not to, Annie watched each of them slowly move as directed, not a single heated gaze diminishing in the slightest. She saw too the hateful looks cast Joe's way by Frieda and Florian as he stumped painfully towards the table; as he did, Ilse glanced at him, before sighing and moving to him. Taking his arm, she pulled it around her shoulder; Annie heard their voices among the noises of everyone returning to their seats.

"You should never have left."

"You're telling me."

"I'm sure you know, but you'll have a lot to answer for."

"I never doubted that for a second, but… "

Grunting, something slipped from his hand to the ground. Ilse bent to retrieve it.

"… I'll take it if it means no more running."

Still down on one knee, she smiled up at him. Her voice was barely audible to Annie.

"I hate your fucking guts right now, man. But… I'm also really glad that… "

The shattering of the sliding door was prefaced only by the whizzing of the bullet as it entered the cabin. Time slowed by an incredible proportion, and as Annie pushed herself from her chair to the ground, she could only watch as Joe's body twisted as a shot passed through his torso and through Ilse's temple as she tried to rise. His mouth opened as he contorted in pain while the look on her face did nothing more than dull itself. The blood fountained from the side of her head, and she appeared to try and reach up for Joe's face before the light left her eyes, and she collapsed, body hitting the ground beside her gun.

Her smile hadn't faded.


	34. Chapter 34

" _ **It does not take much strength to do things,**_

 _ **but it requires a great deal of strength to decide what to do."**_

― _**Elbert Hubbard**_

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

It felt as though days were passing as Joe watched Ilse's hand grow nearer and nearer his face; he wanted to reach out and grab it, but his body was frozen. In a different realm of reality, he became aware of a hole near his stomach that was burning horribly, but it seemed so irrelevant that he couldn't fathom how he had even noticed it. All he could focus on was watching her slowly crumple, like a condemned building brought down by dynamite; her head hit the ground last and though her eyes never closed, Joe could swear that she had winked at him. Blood spraying from his torso splashed the floor next to them and mixed with the pool that was forming by her head, and he blinked as he thought he saw the red liquid churn as though it was boiling.

 _Is… is it…_

Then everything came returning to reality with a crushing symphony of noise; the glass door where which the single bullet had punched thru was promptly torn to transparent shreds as bullets flew past it, tearing into the kitchen with all the power of a hurricane. They bounced and smashed against the room and everything in it, roaring as they did and he found himself noticing that it was fortunate they were all standing nearer to the living room.

 _Who cares…_

He became aware of someone shouting his name and in his peripheral, he could see rampant movement and scrambling and it struck him that he was the only person completely immobile. Waiting for the bullet that would hurry along and allow him to collapse next to Ilse, he closed his eyes and sighed.

"Move, idiot."

Levi's voice was an icy wind behind him, and arms wrapped around his upper body and yanked him backwards. As he was dragged away, he suddenly remembered that he was still very much in control of his body.

"LET GO OF ME!"

Managing to move the other direction by dropping to his knees, Levi still was more than a match for him in regards to strength and was still able to keep pulling him backwards.

"LET GO OF ME GODDAMMIT, I HAVE TO GET HER OUT OF THERE!"

Ilse wasn't moving he realized, why wasn't she moving, did she not get that they were being attacked…

"She's gone, there's nothing you can do."

His mind registered this and he knew it as well, but he had no intention of believing it.

"SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHE'S NOT, I WON'T… "

Two fingers pushed into his neck and the world spun madly out on control as he could hear the blood churning in his head; through his dizziness, he knew he was still being carried away and he struggled as best he could. He was pulled up to the point where he could see everyone else, huddled at the opposite end of the house.

Krista had taken back her baby and had its ears covered; nonetheless, it was wailing loudly, though the burst fire that was being laid against the building mostly muffled it. Ymir and Sasha were staring blankly at Ilse's body, both of their cheeks now wet; then, as though all her anger had been forgotten, Mikasa ran over and knelt next to him. He could hear her speaking to Levi over his head as the burning in his abdomen started to hurt to the point where he couldn't ignore it any longer.

"Where is he hit… ?!"

"Not in the stomach, probably hit his large intestine on the way out… he's conscious which is a good sign, but the bleeding… "

He felt a hand, a hand which he hadn't felt in what seemed like so long, lay itself across his wound and he gasped in pain. Levi's voice was now more distant, it seemed he had moved on to other, more pressing subjects, and Joe felt new hands take the place of Levi's to hold him upright.

"Our contingency plan for being hit is a good walk west. Snowmobiles stashed, we can take them to a last safehouse. That being said… "

He seemed to wait for a particularly long burst of rifle fire to chew thru the wall behind them; Joe thought he heard the sound of mad whooping outside.

"… that being said, I'm against the odds of all of us being able to make it that far without being seen or caught. The only option I see is… "

"We'll stay and buy you time."

At the sound of an unfamiliar voice, Joe looked up, vision still blurry. The older man whom he hadn't recognized had spoken up and Reiner and Bertholdt were beside him, both with their faces set. Levi stared back as though wondering where this act of good will was coming from, but then apparently decided that it was a bad time to question charity.

"Alright. Once we leave, we'll need about four minutes… "

Jean, seeming to sense a time for heroics, stepped forward.

"I will as well."

Marco, with what Joe could have sworn was actual anger in his voice, spoke up.

"No, you are not expendable. I'll stay."

Sputtering in a way that was almost comical, Jean appeared to recoil. Wincing, as he felt fresh liquid spill from his wound, Joe turned to try and see if Ilse was moving yet.

"Don't be stupid, I'm not going to just run as you… "

"Yes you are."

The determination and confidence in Marco's voice felt almost alien. He stepped away from Jean and placed himself next to Reiner. Attempting to break free and crawl back towards the kitchen as the gunfire began to die down, Joe felt Mikasa's hands on him; they seemed to as solid as rebar and he found there would be no escaping her grip. Instead, he decided to try some simple diplomacy.

"Someone… someone needs to go get her… help her up… "

He wasn't able to turn to see her, but he could hear the combination of grief and restrained panic in her voice.

"Stop moving so much… we can't do anything for her… "

"Don't… say that… let me… go… "

One of her hands left its grip on his shoulder and her now free arm wrapped around his chest.

"Stop. Just stop."

He moaned and cursed his weakness as he struggled to break free once more to no avail. Behind them, he could hear Levi muttering angrily with Petra.

"You are not staying."

"I have to! I'm the only one who knows how to lock the place down, and keep it secure as possible, except for you, and Joe's going to need you! You're the only one who knows how to deal with a wound like that!"

"That doesn't mean you have to stay behind."

She gave a wet laugh, and Joe could almost hear her crying.

"Don't let yourself get wrapped up. We'll see each other again."

Within seconds, a flurry of thoughts likely flew thru Levi's mind. Then,

"Fine."

There was the feeling of footsteps nearing them and Joe heard Levi just above him.

"Get him up, we're leaving."

Feeling weaker, he wriggled against Mikasa, but made no progress; as he saw Ilse's inanimate form draw further and further away, he began to panic and fight harder. Nearby, he heard Ymir voice sound, completely deadpan and emotionless.

"I'm staying."

Sasha sounded off not a second after.

"Me too."

Past his blurry vision, Joe saw Levi stop moving and turn to look at the two young women.

"I can't force either of you to do anything, and I know you were both very close to her. If you want to stay, I won't try and stop you, I don't know what's right or wrong. But… "

He turned to Ymir.

"… after being reunited with your child, do you really intend to split yourself from her and Krista again?"

There was a pause for just a moment too long, before Joe heard Krista, sounding more desperate and scared than he had ever heard.

"… Ymir… PLEASE… "

Ymir turned to Sasha as gunfire began to pick up once again, and Joe could barely hear the brief conversation that took place.

"Sash… "

"Don't worry about it, she would… she would want you to go… "

"I'm… so sorry… "

"They'll pay… they'll pay… "

Breaking away, Ymir was the first person to head for the stairs, Jean, Krista and her sisters just behind her. Stopping next to Sasha, Krista turned to look at her, fresh tears kicking up.

"Sasha, I… "

"Don't. Don't worry about it."

Bowing her head momentarily, Sasha pressed her lips to the forehead of the crying baby.

"Don't let it go. Ever."

Giving a wail, Krista spun and ran after her girlfriend in wake of Frieda; Florian stopped at the top of the stairs and looked towards Joe, franticness and worry in her eyes that he could see even in his current state. Stopping only to look at the five people staying behind, Levi nodded in their direction before turning to jerk his head at Mikasa and Annie; the blonde, who hadn't moved since scrambling to the safe area, walked swiftly to the door and nudging Florian down. Levi walked to Joe's left and grabbed him under the arm, gesturing for Mikasa to do the same; the pair of them hoisted him up and as they started to pull him towards the stairs, he twisted in a frenzy.

"STOP, STOP, WAIT, WE HAVE TO GO GET HER, DAMMIT!"

Levi's voice was maddeningly calm.

"There's nothing we can do, she's gone."

"STOP. SAYING THAT! ILSE!"

He managed to turn and see her body, shattered glass and pieces of chewed up wall around her, and as he came to accept what had happened, as he came to realize that he would never hear a smartass remark from her ever again, he gasped for air as tears spilled down his cheeks and blood pumped from his wound.

"I'M SORRY, ILSE! I'M SORRY!"

Howling in agony, his vision started to fail through his fatigue and tears; he could make out the darkness that surrounded him as they descended the stairs. Levi and Mikasa remained silent as they pulled him along, and screaming was all he could do to keep himself from going mad.

When he finally did pass out moments later, his last thought was the hope that he wouldn't wake up.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

As she followed behind Florian in the near pitch-dark, Annie heard the sound of Joe's howling die away, and when the sound of Mikasa screaming didn't follow, she knew it was likely that he had passed out. The group slowed momentarily to allow the three in the back to catch up; as they neared, Levi jerked his chin at Florian.

"You. Take him."

Blinking, she ran back to take his place hauling along Joe's limp form. Levi drew his pistol and directed it behind him; without looking back forward, he spoke quickly and flatly.

"Another hundred yards or so and we'll hit a ladder. Hold there."

No one else spoke a word, but in line with his instructions, they began to move along; seeing a chance to do so, Annie slipped around Florian to draw up along Levi. He didn't acknowledge her, but she knew that he knew she was there. Looking back to make sure she was out of earshot of anyone else, she whispered back to him.

"I'm going back."

He said nothing, and she continued swiftly before he denied her.

"I'm not leaving Sasha there. She… I don't doubt she'll be raring to kill as many of them as there are, but I also don't doubt she'll be looking for a chance to go out with a bang. She's… not likely… "

"You don't need to justify yourself to me."

His response caught her off guard; his gaze was still locked behind them as they made their way thru the tunnel.

"Like I said to Ymir, only you know what's right and wrong for you. If you want to go back and risk your life for someone who may be emotionally unstable, then I won't debate it."

Annie felt heat rise on her neck.

"She's not unstable."

"No?"

She realized there wasn't anything she could say to refute his point, at least not with the time she had. He seemed to understand this.

"Get going if you're going."

Not sparing him another look, she ran back the way they had come, trying to filter out his needlessly cryptic words.

 _What the fuck is the matter with him…_

Throwing open the door at the top of the stairs, she nearly crashed into Reiner who was walking away from the windows while loading a shotgun.

"Annie, what are you… ?"

"Don't worry about it."

The gunfire had ceased outside and Annie had no doubt the house was being slowly surrounded if it hadn't been already. She hadn't any idea who they were up against, but there was no point in taking chances by assuming otherwise. Cocking his head, Reiner seemed to deliberate if he ought to tell her to leave or not, but settled on gesturing forwards.

"Everyone else is back this way."

She followed him down the hall to where she assumed Levi's bedroom had been; inside, rather, was a desk, several monitors and a gun locker. Zeke was next to Petra, eyes on the screen; Marco was leaning against the wall, looking more frightened when he had been ordering Jean to leave, but his eyes were still steeled.

 _But where…_

Turning, she found Sasha sitting against the wall right by the door, eyes looking as dead as Annie had ever seen them. As she tried to think of something to say, anything to say, Bertholdt entered the room behind her; he turned to look almost nervously at Sasha.

"I moved her… put her on the bed across the hall."

She spoke, but her gaze never moved.

"Thanks, Bert."

He swallowed but said nothing more, moving to stand beside Reiner. After staring at the almost completely unresponsive Sasha for close to a minute, Annie decided there was little to nothing that could be done about helping her friend, save for keeping her alive. She moved to stand beside Zeke and Petra.

"Cameras?"

Petra nodded, eyes watching the screen intently.

"We haven't seen anything yet, whoever they are, they either know where these cameras are, or they're taking their time."

Seeing the need to get the newest member of their small resistance up to speed, she turned her head to direct her speech while still maintaining eyes on the screen.

"Building's locked down. All the doors are inlaid with steel and the only windows require you to ascend at least one story to reach. We'll hold them as long as we can, but if we can get them close enough, we can detonate the building while we make a run for it."

Annie looked at her with a furrowed brow.

"'Detonate the building'?"

"Yes, Levi had each wall on each level sealed with remote C4 inside. Cost a pretty penny, but it should do a nice job of putting down anyone who may get too close."

Shaking her head, Annie looked around, wondering how much explosives were packed in the walls that surrounded them.

"That son of a bitch… "

Petra smiled.

"Yes, he's kind of wonderful, isn't he?"

Scooting back her chair, she turned to Annie then.

"Would you mind watching for me?"

Nodding, Annie took her place and resumed staring at the screens alongside Zeke, who hadn't even so much as blinked, as far as she could tell. In her peripheral, she saw Petra crouch by Sasha and begin whispering to her; gritting her teeth, Annie looked away.

She often truly hated how completely terrible with compassion she was.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Mikasa slowed as she saw the rest of the group had come to a stop. Above them, the sound of gunfire had faded, and whatever was happening at the house was now completely up to her imagination. Behind her, Levi squeezed past through the narrow passage and found the ladder ahead of them.

"No one say a word, or do anything. If I go down, go back the way you came as quickly as you can."

He took the ladder slowly up about ten feet, where he fiddled momentarily with a lid that opened moments later. Holding her breath with the rest of them, Mikasa waited as Levi looked around above them, before he dropped back down just as quickly.

"We're good. Let's move."

She reluctantly released her grip on Joe to allow Levi and Jean to carefully maneuver him up the ladder, and she looked around for Annie; her heart began to race as she realized her friend was nowhere in sight. As Levi slipped back down the ladder and began ushering the rest of them up, she pulled him back, hissing under her breath.

"Where's Annie?"

He looked at her with the same infuriating amount of apathy that accompanied most of his actions.

"She had a change of heart."

Swearing, Mikasa turned to look back down the tunnel and even took a step back the way they had come, before Levi spoke behind her.

"I'd only ask yourself who you think needs you more right now."

Pausing and letting her head thunder angrily for several seconds, she swore again and turned, purposefully hitting him with her shoulder on the way by.

 _Annie… why... why would you go back…_

Climbing the ladder, she found herself out of the tunnel and in to a small clearing where the others were. She couldn't see anything in the direction of the cabin, and she realized that beyond Krista hushing her baby to sleep and the unsteady breathing of the rest of them, she couldn't hear anything either. Knowing this was a good sign, at least for them, she turned in a circle looking for Joe.

He was leaning against a mossy log, eyes still closed, with the girl she had heard named Florian sitting next to him. Mikasa felt the smallest wave of relief as she saw his chest rising and falling softly, but that disappeared just as quickly as she saw Florian stroking the side of his head. Even though her mind churned over what his could mean, she was still standing over both of them just as quick.

"What are you doing?"

Florian looked up, eyes narrowing and brow furrowing.

"Excuse me?"

"I asked, what are you doing?"

The blonde looked back down, and gave a worried shrug.

"Piece of shit though he may be, I'm watching over my boyfriend."

Mikasa felt herself swell so much that her head momentarily became dizzy; she opened her mouth, ready to shout, when the brush all around them rustled. Lights flashed around them blindingly, and they all raised their hands to keep from being struck so. Footsteps sounded and as her eyes adjusted, Mikasa saw at least a dozen hooded men with AK-47s had surrounded them. It was then she also realized that they were almost totally unarmed and as ill-prepared to fight as they ever had been; panic began to swell in her gut.

As the group of hooded men moved closer to them, she knew then that the similar hood they all wore was no mistake, not in its whiteness, nor in the two circular eye holes. One of the taller men, stepped forward and she could practically hear him smiling.

"Well, well, well… the only question I really have here is: how exactly are we going to go about killing you lot?"


	35. Chapter 35

"Watch em', watch em'… "

"Nothin' funny now."

"Check em' for guns."

Anxiety and lividity swarmed Ymir's senses as she was brought down by one of the hooded men and drug over to rest on her stomach between Krista and Florian. Her girlfriend had had her child drug away from her yet again, though she could do nothing more than cry silently as an unknown man took it in his arms.

 _God, no._

This couldn't be happening again, they couldn't be once again at the mercy of this man; she knew full well there would be no Erwin to save them this time. She watched the feet of who she knew to be Kenny march back and forth along the line of them as they lay before him like sardines.

"Alright, alright, alright, c'mon now, I don't got time for this tonight… "

"Hey boss, I think this one might be dead, he isn't… no wait, he's breathing, I think… "

Kenny shoved the man aside to stand over Joe, looking down at him with what was likely a great deal of annoyance. Ymir could practically hear Mikasa's knuckles crack as he knelt down next to him, with confusion slipping into his voice.

"Hold on a fuckin' second… "

Reaching down, he hauled Joe up by the collar of his shirt and stared at his unconscious face; Ymir tried to read him from behind his mask, but couldn't see even the glow of his eyes. Then, he spoke very quietly, quietly enough that she couldn't hear the first part of his statement.

"… thought I'd killed you… by stand-in principal obviously… goddamn."

He pulled out a gun that was tucked in his pants and cocked it facing downward; Florian screamed something as the trigger was pulled and a bullet slapped the ground a couple inches from Joe's face. He inhaled sharply and his eyes sprung open; he sat up weakly, coughing at the ground, and Ymir saw then how incredibly pale he was. Kenny crouched next to him as cold sweat ran down his freshly awoken face.

"Thought you killed yourself, boy."

She didn't even think Joe would be able to muster a reply, but, of course, he did.

"I did, for a while."

"For a while, how do you figure?"

"Well, I got better… at least somewhat… "

Shaking his head, Kenny straightened and kicked Joe where he had been shot; howling and curling around the foot, he toppled to the side and lay in a fetal position, while Kenny turned to address his minions.

"By the end of the night, this one needs to be dead. Again, apparently. And… "

He walked to the line where they all rested, save for the baby which was miraculously silent in the hands of one of the shorter Klansmen.

"I don't care what you do with the rest of them, except I need… "

He pointed at Levi, then Mikasa, then Jean.

"… him, her and him alive. Dump em' off in town somewhere when you're done."

One of the hooded figures, who clearly was battling a bit of a lisp, hesitantly stepped forward.

"That mean… we can do whatever we want with the rest?"

Kenny's aggravation was almost palpable.

"Didn't I just say that?"

There were murmurs around the group, far more excitable than anything else. Pulling herself as far up from the dirt and snow as she could with a foot on the small of her back, Krista spoke in a high-pitched, panicked tone.

"Please, don't hurt my baby, please just let it… "

The foot on her came down hard, and she gasped in pain; Kenny crouched next to her and gave her a slap a parent might give a six-year old for stealing; Ymir struggled hard against her own captor, receiving a hit in the back of the head from a rifle stock. Vision blurring and eyes tearing with pain, Kenny's words ran like glue in her ears.

"You know, you lot really are a bunch of fuckers, you really are. Even the couple of you I don't recognize, hot damn, you multiply like rabbits. Don't any of you try and start begging again, because that just annoys the hell out of me."

He turned to look at the three whom he had ordered to be spared in turn.

"On the first of the year, I will be holding a meeting at the top of the central business building; during it, we will be deciding the future of this town. The current mayor and his prospective rival will be there… "

Ymir snarled silently as she thought of Armin having to go face to face with this monster and all of his compatriots.

"… if you want a slice of the future, I suggest you be there. As for the rest of you… "

Hands raised, he looked at them each in turn, eyes looking out thru the holes in his hood. He sighed after a few seconds and dropped his arms.

"Honestly, good fuckin' riddance."

Looking to almost skip away, he walked away into the trees and was gone within a few seconds more. Quiet fell upon the hooded men and their captives as they clearly were waiting for the sound of Kenny's footsteps to have been dead for long enough to be safe. Then, one of them stepped forward to speak to the one who must've have taken the leadership position in Kenny's absence.

"Can I have him?"

He pointed a stocky finger at Joe, who was still struggling to remain in an upright sitting position against a log, while sweat drug its way down his face. The leader shrugged his shoulders.

"Just drag him off somewhere, the rest of us don't got a hankering for boy ass like you do. We don't wanna listen to that."

The questioning man seemed to jump a little in excitement before stumbling over to pick up Joe by the back of the neck, who groaned in pain as his body was lifted; Mikasa, who seemed to have caught on to what was happening, spoke with a barely withheld terror.

"Wait, wait! Don't take him, he's hurt, he needs… !"

A kick was dropped against her ribs and she was cut off; the head Klansman shook his head at her.

"What does it matter? He's not making it out of here alive, may as well give Kevin a good time before he folds."

Florian now attempted to rise against her captor, but only made it as far as her knees. She made no attempt to hide the fear she was clearly now fighting down.

"Take me instead, just leave him alone for… !"

She was driven back to the ground, face meeting the snow hard. The man dragging the barely responsive Joe gave a bone-chilling giggle.

"Sorry, missy, but while you've got a nice pair and a real nice ass, that's not what gets me going."

As they reached the treeline, he gave a louder laugh.

"Don't worry, I'm sure one of these gents wouldn't mind taking a turn with you!"

Giving Joe's rear a hard slap, the pair of them vanished into the darkness; Mikasa practically rocketed to her feet.

"MOTHER FUCKING… !"

She was taken down by her captor and a second man; her struggles were colossal, but they managed to hold her down through grunts of effort. The leader stepped forward, raising a questioning finger.

"Now hold on a moment, who's man was that? I thought you… "

He pointed at Mikasa who was still fighting like a mad dog.

"… were his owner, but now you… "

His finger turned to Florian, who was still staring past him in horror towards where Joe and his captor had disappeared.

"… seemed pretty ready to step up heroically and take his place."

Spreading his arms, he cocked his head.

"So which is it?"

Ymir closed her eyes and grit her teeth as both Florian and Mikasa spoke at the same time.

"Me."

"He's mine."

The both of them looked at each other then, venomous eyes glaring out from behind blonde and black hair. Freezing briefly, the leader then started to laugh, hands on his knees.

"Well shit, ladies, didn't think this was such a toasty topic. Sounds like we haven't really come to a conclusion, or at least he hasn't."

Somehow, the two of them began shooting accusations at each other; Ymir stared in disbelief at the pair.

 _How can they fuck about like this right now… ?_

"I'm the only girl he's seen in months, what the fuck are you talking about?!"

"You have NO idea where he was in life before running away to meet you!"

"Yeah? Seems like he must've had a pretty good reason!"

"You shut your FUCKING… !"

The Klansman fired his gun twice into the air and they were both quelled. Miraculously, the baby made no response to the concussive noise.

"LADIES, please… considering he'll probably be dead before you see him again, I would highly suggest moving on… "

One of the hooded men next to him clapped his hands.

"Have em' make up!"

Several of the other men gave catcalls and whoops; the leader looked at them briefly then shrugged.

"You heard the masses. Let em' up."

Complying, the Klansmen released Florian and Mikasa, the latter let go reluctantly as she pushed herself to her feet with a frightening amount of vigor. They both had their fists balled, but they both paled as well as the leader directed his pistol at the man holding the baby; the Klansman recoiled as he stared down the barrel.

"Yo, what the fuck you think you're… "

"Shut up. Murphy."

His attention returned to the two girls.

"I actually really don't want to kill the kid. I really don't. If anyone other than those three makes it out of here, I would want it to be the kid. But unfortunately, babies provide normally a very good deal of leverage over just about anyone. So… "

He gestured to them.

"Go on. Make up, like long lost lovers."

As the pair of them looked at each other, clearly wanting nothing less than to comply, but his voice raised in volume as they hesitated.

"Now."

A few pained seconds passed and Ymir thought for a moment that they wouldn't. Then, Florian took the first step forward and she and Mikasa closed the distance between each other. The disgust on their faces was terribly obvious. The man gestured again.

"Go on, hold each other like you mean it."

Jerkily, like robots, they brought their arms up; Mikasa took Florian by the waist and shoulder, while the blonde put an arm around her neck and side. The excited murmurs of the hooded men caused Ymir's stomach to churn.

"Alright, now. You know what's next."

Eyes still searing, their faces drew closer together; from over Ymir, a voice cried out.

"Let's see some tongue."

More hateful cheering; it seemed to take forever for them to reach each other, but as Mikasa and Florian kissed and the men around them roared in approval, Ymir wondered if this was actually something they would be able to make it out of.

"More, more, more, MORE, MORE!"

The chant was taken up and was followed by tremendous laughter; Ymir listened as the leader ordered the both of them to undress and she looked away as zippers were pulled by hooded men all around. She decided in that moment, that she was not going to watch this happen; this would not be how this ended.

By the time she felt something mount her and she watched the men start circling around the now almost naked Florian and Mikasa, she already had put a plan in motion; looking to her right, she watched a man drag Krista up and begin touching her in ways that made Ymir's blood reach a boiling point. It burned even harder as she saw multiple pairs of hands drag themselves over Florian and even worse things being to touch Mikasa. Then, it simmered as she prepared to do what she knew had to be done; she closed her eyes as her girlfriend moaned next to her.

 _I'm sorry Krista._

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Annie waited until the man had fully strode into view before sticking her gun out the window and putting a shot clean through his forehead. She ducked then and retreated out of the dark room as panicked shouting followed and the inevitable spray of gunfire shattered the window she had just been at as she closed the door behind her. Marco met her in the hall, panic and blood on his face; she drew up beside him and pulled his head into the light.

"Are you hurt?"

He brushed aside her hand.

"Just cut myself is all."

She watched him carefully as he stowed his pistol.

"They're getting close."

Nodding, she led him back down the stairs.

"We should be ready within minutes."

Walking into the office, she put a hand on Petra's shoulder.

"They're close enough. We should start moving now if this is how we're doing this."

The girl looked up at her with nervous eyes, then closed the laptop monitor and grabbed a gun of her own.

"Alright, let's go."

As they stepped out of the office, she turned to look at the both of them.

"Go round up Sash and the rest, when we're all in the tunnel, we can watch the indoor cameras and wait for them."

Marco looked more nervous than she did.

"And then… ?"

She smiled.

"Then, a lot of noise."

Annie was already worried that she hadn't seen Sasha in over a minute and immediately moved for the back of the house where her friend had been sent; as she did, and Marco moved off in a different direction, Petra caught her by the arm.

"Hey, Annie?"

The blonde stopped and looked back expectantly. Petra looked hesitant.

"I know this really isn't the best time, but… Sash. Is… is she… ?"

That was as far as she got before, coming from the hall, the roar of a shotgun tore apart the wall as well as the left of Petra's ribs. She screamed and fell against Annie who was already stumbling backwards to get away from where the shot had come from. Marco came dashing back around the corner, eyes wide.

"Annie, Petra, what the hell is… ?!"

Over Petra's shoulder, Annie raised a hand and shouted as he came up alongside the hallway.

"MARCO, DON'T!"

He didn't even have time to comprehend her words as two bullets struck him, one above the eye and the other in the neck. Seeming to freeze in time, he made a strange noise followed by what sounded like a question.

"… not… what he… promised… "

And his body keeled over like a sack of potatoes and lay motionless. Alarm and fear screaming through her body, Annie pulled herself up as best she could, while attempting to take Petra with her; the girl was now sobbing and shaking and Annie realized she could see her shattered ribs past the wound.

"You're going to need to walk with me now! Put your arm… "

Two more shots came whizzing at them, the first buried itself in Annie's shoulder and the other sliced against her thigh. She and Petra both went down hard. Footsteps thudded around her as she tried to breath.

"Don't worry about it, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, we don't have time to deal with the bodies… "

Zeke came into sight with Reiner and Bertholdt just behind him, the latter looking extremely shaken. Zeke looked at the Annie and Petra's near prone forms and waved at his men.

"Go take care of the last girl, then meet me down the stairs."

Reiner strode off immediately, with his friend only half-heartedly following him.

"… Bert… ?

Annie managed to get the name out just before he passed out of sight; he froze in place. He didn't seem to be able to move his gaze to her, but jumped as Zeke shouted.

"MOVE!"

He disappeared after Reiner leaving Annie alone with Zeke; she realized that Petra had stopped breathing and her eyes her now glazed over with the look that only death held.

"I am sorry about this."

She glared up at him as she slowly pushed Petra's lifeless form off of her. He didn't look to mean the remorse that his words portrayed.

"You and your people just happened to be in the wrong place in the wrong time."

If she thought she could have spit and reached him, she would have. Instead, she went with the next best option and grinned up at him.

"You'll die for this, just so you know. I don't know why you're doing this, but you'll die for it."

Looking almost disappointed, he shot her in the stomach and she gasped before giving a brief howl. He shook his head and sighed as she writhed briefly.

"Cute, but that's the sort of thing they only say in movies. Now if you don't mind… "

Then, blood erupted from his chest as another gunshot sounded and he stumbled backwards; managing to throw himself behind the couch as a dozen shots followed, Annie felt a hand grab the back of her hoodie. Another hand holding a gun brushed the side of Petra's face and a sob echoed from beyond Annie's sight. Ahead of her, Reiner and Bertholdt came into view, guns drawn; behind the couch, Zeke shouted.

"Kill them!"

Neither of them moved immediately, seeming to both be fighting a serious internal battle; they were both forced to take cover as automatic fire went hurtling towards them and Sasha's scream echoed through the cabin.

"FUCK YOU, YOU SONS OF BITCHES!"

Pulling Annie as she fired, they made it around a corner as Reiner and Bertholdt began returning fire; dropping her SMG with a clatter on the wooden floor, she picked Annie up under the neck and knees before smashing a foot against the front door. It flew off its hinges to land in the snow by a single Klansman who was so surprised by what he saw that he didn't even attempt to bring his gun up; beneath her knees, Annie felt the vibration of Sasha's pistol against her hand as it killed the man before he hit the ground. Then, the dark woods were all she could see as the cabin was left behind them; Annie tried to focus on something other than the bleeding in her leg, shoulder and stomach and she settled on the stars as Sasha's labored breathing filled her ears as she was carried deeper and deeper into the forest.

They really were beautiful, she thought, as oblivion overtook her.


	36. Chapter 36

" _ **Disruption of identity characterized by two or more distinct personality states,**_

 _ **which may be described in some cultures as an experience of possession.**_

 _ **The disruption in identity involves marked discontinuity in**_

 _ **sense of self and sense of agency, accompanied by related alterations in**_

 _ **affect, behavior, consciousness, memory, perception, cognition, and/or sensory-motor functioning."**_

― _**American Psychiatric Association**_

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The penetration hadn't been as excruciating as he had been preparing his mind for, but it was horribly painful nonetheless. It drove its way inside of him with all the stress and tearing he had expected, and gasping was the least he could manage to try and preserve his dignity. Despite his situation, he was almost glad that he had been shot; the blood loss was messing with his brain to the point where the entire world seemed numbed. The man who he had heard was named Kevin must've been without action for at least a few years; he was working as hard as he could to make sure that Joe knew exactly what was happening before he died. And maybe, that was why he didn't care.

 _I'm going to die._

It was real this time, no fakery, no tricks, just this agonizing punishment before a bullet in his head sent him on his way. His body would probably be buried under one of these trees; no one was going to know what had transpired here. His single regret was that he knew it had all been for nothing as well. He had tried so hard to make things right, to do what he could to help the people he cared about, but as he listened to the hollering and whooping through the trees mixing with his own pained moans, he knew he had failed.

 _At least now… it can be over._

That was something to consider all by itself. He had spent so much time running, he hadn't even bothered to consider what would be waiting when he finally hit the end of the line. And this was it. Getting ass raped in the middle of nowhere, followed by what he could only hope would be a quick death. It was frightening to consider that this was the end, but Joe realized then just how tired he was of it. Of everything.

And now it could just end.

 _Maybe this is for the better…_

"Really."

It wasn't the smarmy voice of Kevin who had spoken; he was still plowing Joe to the best of his abilities, but he hadn't said a word.

"Really now."

Turning his head weakly, Joe looked up to see Dust leaning against a tree and looking down at him with a mixture of disappointment and disgust; for once, he wasn't smiling. He watched the spectacle for several seconds before shaking his head.

"You made it so ridiculously fucking far. And now, here you are, ready to accept the end, even though it means the last year of your life was meaningless."

Joe wondered why Kevin didn't seem to care about Dust's presence as the shadowy figure paced slowly, snow crunching under his feet.

"You really are just ready to give up? Knowing that your friends are likely suffering the same fate, or worse?"

Feeling regret and pain well up, Joe closed his eyes.

"I let them down. I always let them down."

From behind him, the voice of his tormentor came, out of breath and unstable.

"Don't start with that shit, boy, you're gonna throw my mood."

Dust ignored the words as Kevin gave a hard thrust and Joe barely managed to hold in an embarrassing groan; the phantom spoke then with a mocking inflection.

" _I always let them down._ Please. Maybe just once, this could be about you. You, not getting shit on because of your disgusting obsession with helping other people. You, doing what's best for YOU."

The more Dust spoke, the more Joe wished he would shut up and let him die in peace. The shadowy figure above growled as his words clearly hadn't the effect he had so desired.

"I can't do everything for you, you know, no matter how much you try and shirk… "

That struck a chord and Joe furiously tried to straighten, getting as far as pushing himself to his knees before his assaulter wrapped an arm around him and under his shirt, feeling up and down his chest; despite this, and that what was being painfully thrust into him, he managed to shoot a retort.

"You killed an entire family the last time you tried to HELP… "

"Goddamn kid, if you're gonna go into shock and start shouting shit, don't be accusing me of shit I didn't do… "

Kevin's voice was now being just as ignored by Joe, however, and he glared back at Dust waiting for a reply. The figure before him stared back, looking almost sad.

"I've tried to let you do what you want to, regardless of how insane or illogical it's been. When you fell for that Ackerman girl, I knew it was only going to lead for trouble, but I didn't interfere. When you decided to fake your death and skip town instead of fighting back for yourself, I didn't interfere. When you stupidly came BACK to town and almost lost everything saving that girl and her child, I didn't interfere."

He crouched and Joe was able to stare into the dark pits of his eyes.

"See, you never got it. Every decision you've made has led you from bad to worse. And now, even as your girlfriend, or girlfriends it seems, are across the way getting fucked in the ass probably just as bad as you, you STILL can't just do what you need to do to survive."

Straightening, Dust seemed to come to a conclusion of some kind.

"So now, I'm done enabling you. This is not going to happen; every single one of these Klan pricks is about to get exactly what they deserve."

As he spoke, Joe started to realize what he meant; his ghostly counterpart leaned in close.

"And now, I don't care who gets hurt as a result."

Joe shouted as he realized what Dust was about to do, but by then, it was far too late for him to do anything to stop it.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Sasha's breath came in thudding heaves as her feet pounded against the snow and evaded roots and fallen branches. She didn't know where she was going; she wouldn't even have cared if not for her cargo. Had it all been the same to her, she would rather have just dropped against a tree and let nature consume her, but Annie's shaky breathing advised her against that. She didn't know where the strength to keep moving had come from either, though as her mind raced, it was a safe bet that it was from there.

 _How… how could they do that to us? After… after everything?_

She truly despaired to think about it; tears had frozen against her cheeks as her thoughts had seared the memory of Petra's dead face to her mind's eye. The only other thing she could even begin to think about was no less distressing.

 _Reiner… Bert… why?_

These were two people she had known since middle school, people she had hung out with, seen movies with, gone on trips with. And now, they had just tried to kill her and Annie. They HAD killed Marco and Petra. While Sasha tried everything to force herself to think that Zeke had somehow forced them to act by his accord, she knew that, no matter what he had said, Reiner and Bertholdt had acted on their own volition.

That might have hurt the most.

Realizing that she had been running through the dark, frigid woods for what must've now been near ten minutes, she slowed carefully until she reached a small clearing, as far as she could tell in the sheer darkness. Gently lowering Annie against a tree, she drew her pistol and dropped to her stomach, directing it back the way she had come. Her breath was painful and raw as it came in great heaves, her heart pounding a violent beat against her chest and ears. No pursuers materialized from the black however, and after a minute of waiting and trying to reign in her breath, Sasha rolled onto her back, trying not to cry. It took only several seconds more for anxiety and fear to begin conflicting with her grief.

 _Annie… I don't know how bad she's hurt… I don't know where to go from here… Levi never said exactly where the last safe house was… I can head in the direction they were going… but… maybe Annie… I should get her to the hospital, that's what I… shit, how am I supposed to get her there without a car? We're in the middle of fucking NOWHERE, what the hell am I talking about, you fucking stupid…_

"… Sash… "

The quiet voice was only audible by way of the completely silent forest that surrounded them; sitting up fast enough to cause her head to spin, Sasha quickly made her way to Annie on her hands and knees. The blonde wasn't shaking anymore, but Sasha wasn't sure if that was entirely a good thing; she was horribly pale, more than usual, and her eyes were drifting in and out of focus. Starting to feel panic creep up, the brunette swallowed, trying to think of something comforting to say.

She couldn't manage even that.

"Annie… what do we do?"

Even in her wounded and likely exhausted state, the blonde still spoke with more conviction than Sasha could have ever dreamed of summoning.

"You know the direction of where they're heading. You know how to navigate the outdoors better than anyone."

Shaking her head, Sasha tried to keep the desperation from her voice.

"How are we supposed to catch up? Even if you could walk, we still… "

"Sash."

Her voice was now calm and flat, despite the three bulletholes that suggested it should be otherwise. Annie looked up at her, and as Sasha saw the stars reflected in her chilling blue eyes, she somehow knew what her friend was about to say.

"You're going. Not me."

The four words should have shook Sasha more than they did, but for they to do that, she would have first had to believe them; she shook her head fervently, ponytail whipping back and forth.

"No, no, we're both going, we're both… "

"I'm not. You know I can't."

It was impossible to believe, impossible to consider, and despite all of that, Sasha couldn't think of anything to say as the blonde blinked up weakly at her.

"Do you… do you remember the day in high school when… when we had to all give presentations about what we thought was an unpopular opinion?"

"Yeah… yeah I do."

"Everyone talked about politics, or economics, or some shit that anyone could have thought of, but you… you didn't have any slides. Or notes. Or anything."

She coughed and dark scarlet appeared on her lips, visible only by the light of the stars.

"You went up to the front of the room, and talked for almost twenty minutes… about how we are being too pressured to do things for other people."

The blonde gave a laugh that sounded so raw, Sasha worried her lungs would give out.

"Shh, shh, don't, don't laugh now, just… "

Annie kept talking, either ignoring or not registering Sasha's words.

"Sasha, the girl whose kindness was only ever outdone by Krista, but who never had a problem sleeping around or doing stupid shit, was preaching to everyone about how we were too focused on helping others, and never helped ourselves."

Laying her head back against the tree, her breath came in shallow heaves as she continued.

"I thought it was so stupid. We live in such a selfish age, no one cares about anyone more than themselves… "

Taking Annie's shoulder, Sasha drew closer as her friend's voice started to grow fainter.

"It WAS stupid! It was a stupid idea, I don't know why I said any of that… "

"You were right though."

In an act so unlike her, Sasha was sure she was dreaming, Annie reached out and took her hand.

"We're not fighting for anything that's worth this. Not anymore. I need you to find the others. Tell them… tell them to run away, start over. Live for themselves… they can live for each other, but it's time to stop doing that to the point where… it consumes us."

There was an odd gurgling from her stomach and she gave a small shudder.

"I'm dying, Sash. I know I am."

The restrained tears broke through then, and Sasha's view of Annie became blurred as she looked past them.

"Don't… don't say that, Annie, please don't… "

"I need you to get up and run. And Sasha, beyond all of that, just promise me one thing… "

She pulled Sasha down and took a deep shaky breath.

"Live. Just live."

Then, her hand released its grip on hers and she leaned back against the tree, closing her eyes.

"Now, go. Run."

Sasha found her head shaking uncontrollably like a broken record.

"Don't ask me… to just… leave you like this… "

"I'm dying, Sasha, that's not changing, no matter where you get me, by the time I get there… "

Stars twinkled in her eyes as they opened, and Sasha realized there were tears in them.

"Besides, they won't be taking me. That's one thing I have control over."

She flinched and her body shuddered.

"So you get up, and you run. You don't stop until you find them or you know that you're safe."

She smiled, blood on her lips.

"And don't you dare look back."

Sasha was now finding it difficult to breathe, let alone open her mouth to refute what she was hearing. It was disgusting to even picture herself leaving Annie here while she moved on ahead, but while she couldn't accept it, she knew what the blonde was saying was true.

"I can't… I won't leave you… I'll die here with you if I have to… "

Another rasping laugh.

"Don't be stupid, Sash, you've come too far since to do something moronic like that."

"Please… please, I can't… we can't lose anyone else… "

"You don't have a choice, unless you are going to be so fucking stubborn that you're willing to die alongside me."

Sasha was crying now, desperately trying to think up any way out of this, out of leaving her friend for dead, out of essentially becoming just as despicable a person as Reiner and Bert had become.

"This isn't… this can't… "

Angry steel entered Annie's voice as repositioned herself weakly, not looking at Sasha anymore.

"Go. Now."

All but one word failed her.

"… Please… "

Annie suddenly sat up, eyes flashing.

"RUN YOU STUPID CUNT!"

Gasping in shock and grief, Sasha toppled backwards; the moment her rear hit the ground, she twisted and scrambled to her feet, dashing her way into the trees. Tears streaked along her face as she bounded past trees and snow, running as fast as she thought she ever had. Her lungs began to burn almost immediately, but their pain was ignored as her feet pummeled the ground in her effort to move as quickly as physically possible. After several minutes of sprinting that had her crossing a small river, tumbling down a hill and narrowly missing enough trees to be considered miraculous, she stopped, but not because she couldn't run anymore. She stopped because, no matter how fast she moved, no matter how much she dipped and dove, she couldn't outrun the grief and self-hate that had been on her tail since she started running.

She stopped then, stopped moving, stopped blinking, stopped crying and breathing as the sound of a gunshot from behind her blasted its way through the black wood of the forest.

 _Annie, you…_

Crashing to her knees, she gasped for air while fresh tears rolled down her face.

It was perhaps fortunate that she had no pursuers; the agonized screams Sasha released at the stars were more terrifying than any armed force could be.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Her assaulter pulled out just in time for Mikasa to take a huge breath of air, something she wasn't sure she would have been able to manage before passing out. Beneath her, another one of them shifted to grind against her insides and she stifled a moan as a fresh member positioned itself in front of her. It was forced inside without hesitation and once again, she was restricted to simply trying to draw in breath as her mouth was punished along with the rest of her body.

Underbarrel flashlights had been jammed between branches or strapped to tree trunks to cast the small clearing in a harsh light, the silhouettes of the rape casting obscene shadows about the forest.

 _Can't believe this almost feels… normal…_

She was disgusted by what was being done to her, but after so many nights with her father, culminating in that night in California, her body seemed so much more resilient to this kind of torture.

 _At least more than hers._

"Stop screaming, bitch!"

A yard or so from her, Mikasa watched Florian scream and suffer at the sexes of three rough-handed Klansmen. Her face was wet with tears and blood streamed down her face to her bare neck and chest from the hits she had taken for resisting. She had fought back much more strongly than Mikasa had, and that had put her in perhaps a worse place; one of her eyes was nearly swollen shut and a switchblade had slashed at her stomach and breasts, her back as well, was covered with bruises. At first, Mikasa had found herself almost relishing in the pain of the other girl before blinking aside her disdain for the blonde, amazed at her own cruelty.

 _Who knows what she knows… what she thinks she knows… I can't hate her for what Joe might have…_

As it did whenever she had thought of him within the past half hour, her heart increased in pounding against her breast.

 _That fuck… whatever he does to him… the motherfucker is going to hurt if Joe is…_

She closed her eyes as her rapist jammed himself further inside; he couldn't be dead, he wasn't dead, he couldn't die now, not after everything that had happened. He still had so much to answer for.

 _And I still have so much to tell him…_

"Keep that kid quiet man, he's ruining my mood."

The hooded man who was currently groping a silently crying Krista snapped at the man who was holding the baby; he regarded the child in his arms as though it was the most disgusting thing in the world as it cried quietly in his arms.

"The fuck do I do that?"

"I don't know, let it suck on your titty or something."

The man flipped him off.

"Fuck you, man."

Mikasa's eyes moved to Jean and Levi, neither of whom had said a word since the altercation had begun; Jean's eyes were wide and panicked, as he clearly had never anticipated having to see something so unsettling, at least to this degree. Levi on the other hand, as she had expected, had the look of silent calculation, a look she had seen before. Though if he could come up with a miracle to get them out of this situation, she would be amazed.

"Can you hold her still, for fuck's sake?"

"Tryin', man… "

She couldn't see Frieda as the two men argued, but she did know the older girl had been taken down after rushing the men who were raping her sister. Ratty underwear had been shoved in her mouth and she was now out of sight behind a log, with who knows what being done to her. Ymir and Krista seemed to have it the best next to Jean and Levi; their captors seemed content, at least for the moment, to simply grope them or, in Ymir's case, grind against them. Mikasa found herself surprised at the calm, collected look on Ymir's face; if anyone would have been ready for blood, she would have thought it to be her.

"Hey, HEY! Focus."

Looking up hatefully at the man who was assaulting her mouth, Mikasa tried looking past the eyeholes in the hood, but found nothing but darkness. He responded to her livid glare, however, and slapped her across the face and then the breast.

"Don't give me that look, slut, just take it."

Despite how much she would have loved for the ordeal to end, she feared what would happen when it did. The head Klansman hadn't been participating in the group rape, but he had been eying Florian ever since she had started struggling to the point of being hit. Turning now, he looked to the man holding the baby.

"Go tell Kevin to wrap it up, we shouldn't take too much longer here."

Grunting, the underling marched off to do as he was told; Mikasa watched the fear in Krista's eyes as her baby was carried away yet again, then saw it morph into disgust as the man behind her slid his crusty fingers down the front of her pants. Watching his companion wander away into the trees, shouting the name of Joe's rapist, the leader then sighed, stepping forward, tapping a hatchet he had unsheathed against his open palm.

"Alright, well since we're nearing a wrap here, I'd better get my kicks in before that. Now… "

The black pits of his mask rotated between Florian and Mikasa; the blonde had taken a fresh punch to her mouth and blood now spilled from it as well as she glared up at him through her bruises.

"… which one of you beauties would like to be taken to fifth base?"

Florian's eyes widened as the interpretation of his slang got to her; Mikasa thought to the only time it had ever been done to her. Had it not been for drugs that had been forced into her, she imagined it might have been one of the more painful things she had ever experienced. The member pulled out of her mouth and she tried to ignore the taste that lingered as she caught her breath. Neither she nor Florian made any sort of reply as they remained in the grips of their current captors and the leader then sighed again.

"Alright."

He turned his head to look at Levi.

"You. Which one should I take?"

For the first time since meeting him, Mikasa could see that Levi genuinely didn't have a response. Nothing he could say or do to remedy this situation. His mouth opened and closed twice before the man sighed for a third time.

"C'mon, just pick one."

Very reluctantly, he turned his head to look at the two battered young women and Mikasa watched the franticness behind his eyes unveil more emotion than she had ever seen in him.

"I don't know."

"You don't pick one, and I do em' both."

At that moment, Mikasa decided there was one last thing she could do before the end of the night, when Florian would be killed alongside her sisters; she caught Levi's eyes as his gaze flicked between them, and gave a subtle nod.

 _I'll at least save her from this._

Levi swallowed calmly before looking to the Klansman and nodding in her direction; he looked down at her and grabbed a fistful of her hair. She yelled in pain as he pulled her head up to stare down into her eyes.

"This one? Fair enough."

He undid his pants and pulled them down; Mikasa had to look away as his bare waist came into view and the surrounding Klansmen made noises of excitement. He was large, far larger than she had been expecting and she couldn't stand to look at it before it entered her rear; the man beneath her pulled out and forced her onto her hands and knees. Steeling herself and preparing as mentally as she was able, she grabbed fistfuls of snow and dirt and clenched them tight. She listened to him position himself behind her and she fixed her jaw; she would not give him the satisfaction of making her scream, but as the tip lay itself against her, she knew then that she couldn't promise herself that. The wood of the hatchet's handle came across her throat, pulling her head up and stretching her back. Closing her eyes, she tried to think of some relieving memory.

" _Do you believe in God?"_

 _Mikasa's gaze flicked to Joe, as he leaned forward on the bench, staring out at the lake; as their previous topic of conversation had been about bad restaurants, this question caught her slightly off guard._

" _Well… my mom is Catholic. She tried raising me that way a little bit, but my father never took that well. It definitely didn't stick with me. I guess… I don't know. There could be something out there, but I've got no idea what."_

 _Looking to him and realizing his eyes were still transfixed on the lake, she furrowed her brow._

" _Why?"_

 _She realized she wanted desperately to reach out and touch him, brush her fingers along his back, but didn't want to alienate him._

" _Are you okay?"_

 _His face stretched with obvious consternation briefly._

" _I just… wonder how all this could exist without something… or someone putting it in motion. But… I also don't know how that same someone or something could be so… heartless."_

Snapping back to the moment, Mikasa realized that had been the same bench Ilse had tried convincing her to talk to Sasha, the day before the girl was beaten half to death; unbidden tears of grief sprung up as the man behind her began to push inside of her.

Her eyes opened as a very strange gurgling noise graced her ears and the penetration behind her stopped. Every other set of eyes in the clearing glanced around for the source of the curious noise. Looking up, she turned to her right, where the sound had originated from and her stomach roiled as she saw what had happened.

Ymir had somehow twisted herself around her captor and after what must have been a moment of grappling, her mouth was now soaked red and the front of the man's hood near his throat was the same color; he wobbled a moment, before beginning to slide down. The men who had been holding down Frieda and had been the closest yelled as they saw their companion missing a good portion of his neck. Ymir's eyes were wild as she reached for the falling man's gun.

"MOVE!"

And as pistols and rifles came up to face in her direction, Mikasa realized what Ymir's intention had been and as Frieda, who had somehow come up with a knife, rose to plunge the blade into the chest of the man closest to her, hell broke loose.

"HOLY FUCKING… "

As the voice behind her started to shout an obscenity, Mikasa half-rose, spinning on her knees and reaching for that which had just tried to insert itself into her. Wrapping her hand around it, she felt a moment of disgust before she yanked down on the erection as hard as she could; something gave and the Klansman's voice jumped an octave as he screamed. She followed this with an open palm hit to his throat and he choked, falling backwards, missing a swing with his hatchet towards her head. She tackled him for the rifle that was slung over his back and in her peripheral, she saw Levi squirming out from under his captor to then flip him over his shoulder.

"KILL THE BITCH!"

The rifles of the man holding down Jean and the two holding Florian came up to direct themselves at Ymir who managed to pull up the man she had just killed as a shield; Krista screamed as all three thundered and the body was ripped apart and it and Ymir went tumbling backwards. Managing to wrestle the gun from the man she had near immobilized, Mikasa turned halfway and brought it up to her shoulder; seeing her, Krista lifted her feet from the ground and curling to a ball. The man holding her didn't bend nearly enough with his arms around her to use her as a shield and Mikasa put a burst through his head.

"FUCKING WHORE!"

Hearing the shout next to her, she saw the Klansman holding Florian smash his fist into the side of her head, bite marks obvious on his forearm, before turning his rifle towards Mikasa along with his two partners. Her heart missed a beat as she realized there was no way she could turn her gun on them in time; then, blood splattered her face as Levi sent a bullet from the gun of the man he had downed through one of their heads and the other two Klansmen's heads snapped to the left as two bullets from somewhere beyond Mikasa's sight punched through their temples. She fell then, trying to wipe the blood from her face and saw the man whose cock she likely had rendered useless for life rise up and bring his hatchet back; she fumbled for the rifle desperately.

"You… fucking slut… I'll… "

Mikasa's heart caught itself in her throat as she saw someone appear behind him.

Like some twisted, psychotic dream, a half-naked Joe so smeared in blood that his eyes were the only visible part of his face seemed to appear at the man's side to rip the hatchet from his grip; the man had time only to blink at the intrusion before the hatchet sliced at his neck and then came in an arc down into his skull with a terrific crunch. In his other hand, the revolver that Krista had given him all those months ago, smoke still spilling from the barrel. His face was still pale, his hair still matted with cold sweat and he looked just as near death as he had after being shot, but there was a new look in his eyes. A look she had never seen before.

And one that terrified her.

The man holding Jean pulled up his gun, wide eyes visible behind his hood; Joe saw his movement, and whipped the hatchet around, sending it flying from his hand. The sharp edge buried itself in his shoulder and his gun roared as he did whilst he tumbled backwards. It continued to spray fire, slapping through the snow and dirt as he lay on the ground, finger wrapped around the trigger; Mikasa reached forwards and grabbed Florian by the shoulder and pulling her to cover behind a slightly upraised piece of land. The blonde wrapped her arms around her, all hostility forgotten as she buried her bloody face in Mikasa's shoulder; there came then a howl and the gunfire ceased.

"STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP, ST… "

Mikasa slowly straightened to see Joe over the man, gun tossed to the side. He reached down and pulled the man up by his shoulders before throwing him headlong into a tree with a bark-rending crunch; before the Klansman's body even hit the ground, Joe pulled out the hatchet and swung it around, digging it into the side of the man's throat. Pulling it out, he brought it up to strike again.

"DROP THE HATCHET OR I KILL HER!"

Everyone halted as the raw voice bellowed out; Krista stopped trying to pull the body off of Ymir, Levi stopped trying to pull Jean to his feet, and Joe stopped bludgeoning the likely already-dead Klansman. The only remaining hooded man standing had Frieda by her hair and had a knife to her throat. Her face was badly beaten, almost as much as Florian's, but resolve still gleamed in her eyes. The Klansman looked around at all of them shakily, but his eyes locked on Joe, the looming, bloodied and horrifying entity that he was.

"Put… put down the hatchet. I WILL do it."

Joe had frozen in place, but his eyes betrayed no fear or concern for the life that was being threatened before him. Only hate steamed from the slits they had become. Mikasa swallowed as he didn't falter to the demand; the Joe she knew would have surrendered immediately to try and prevent a life from being taken.

"DO IT!"

Krista took a step forward, eyes wide with shock that he hadn't submitted to the demands yet.

"JOE!"

He made no move but to further narrow his eyes; Florian tried to make her way towards him, but her legs gave out and she slumped against Mikasa who caught her and held her as she shouted.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, LISTEN TO HIM!"

This almost seemed to convince him, but as the muscles in his arm twitched, two words were spoken.

"Fuck him."

It became deathly quiet. Frieda's voice was strained, but strong; her eyes looked to Joe, as the Klansman shook her head violently.

"SHUT UP!"

She didn't.

"Kill him."

Joe stared back at her, unblinking and appearing almost curious. Then, after what seemed like minutes, he shrugged.

"Alright."

He broke into a sprint towards the man and pulled the weapon back; the Klansman's eyes widened, but his resolve turned out to be stagnant. As Joe took the last step that would bring him within swinging distance, the blade drug its way across Frieda's throat. The blood that spilled from the scarlet line along her neck cascaded down her front, and her eyes glazed while the Klansman's grip on her hair was released as Joe brought the hatchet down on his face. There was the crunching of bone and a scream followed as the man practically flew backwards at the force of the hit. Coldness on his face, Joe grabbed him by the collar and threw him out of sight beyond the glare of the lights, and lunged after him like a starved predator.

"FRIEDA! FRIEDA, NO!"

Florian had thrown herself from Mikasa's grip and crashed to her hands and knees beside her sister, howling through her bleeding mouth. Krista had stopped moving, her face drawing a complete blank, hands still on the body of the Klansman that had fallen on top of Ymir. She wasn't crying, nor did she seem to be breathing.

 _Why… what's even left… to die for…_

Mikasa remained there, standing in shock as she listened to Florian's screams mingle with that of the Klansman's as the dull whacking sound of hatchet on flesh resounded, again, and again, and again.

She realized Joe was laughing.


	37. Chapter 37

It had finally grown quiet.

After what seemed like an eternal stem of gunfire, screams, curses, and moans had finally died away, near silence now gripped the clearing that they found themselves in. Frieda, what Mikasa could only hope was their final casualty, rested motionless in the arms of her bloodied and violated sister, who seemed to have forgotten everything else altogether. The sound of metal blade smashing against flesh and skull had also ceased in the trees, signaling the end of the last hooded man. She took in deep gulps of winter air, trying to clear her mind before a crunching of snow took her attention. Moving with a telling limp, Joe emerged from the shadows of the trees, his final victim lying unseen beyond.

He was a truly awful sight to behold; dried and undried blood plastered his skin and remaining clothes and the dark hole of the gunshot was visible through it all. The parts of him that weren't stained red were pale and frozen looking, hair flattened by blood and cold sweat. With a gun in one hand and hatchet in the other, he looked around at all of them with an expression that Mikasa couldn't recall she had ever seen him wear.

It was almost hateful.

While she stared at his face, trying to see into his eyes, his mildly vile expression was put to shame as Krista stepped in front of him, shaking badly.

"You… LOOK WHAT YOU DID!"

"Calm down, I did what I said I would do."

"They're… you… you KILLED HER!"

"I did no such thing, he killed her by consequence, there's little that I could have done to prevent it."

"YOU COULD HAVE STOPPED!"

"If you don't stop screaming, you're going to pass out."

"PASS OUT?! YOU FUCKING MONSTER!"

Krista lunged at Joe's throat and knocked him to the ground with as much force as her small frame could muster. Mikasa staggered forward, blinking in disbelief. In nearly any circumstance, she would have thrown herself forward now to pull Krista from him, but a single factor kept her frozen in place, slowly taking in breath.

 _His voice…_

That wasn't the Joe she knew, not the one who's perpetually nervous voice had been one of the many parts of him she had become attracted to. The voice he had spoken to Krista moments ago was cold, heartless, and apathetic enough to make her wonder if the boy before her was who she thought he was. This wasn't the person they had been reunited with at the cabin, and she couldn't bring herself to take another step.

Not as though he was in any imminent danger; Krista was crying and screaming so much that her blows directed at his head were missing just as frequently as they were landing. Florian was still on her knees beside the body of her sister and was cradling her head, eyes locked blankly on the ground while she rocked back and forth slowly. Levi was trying to pull a very unstable Jean to his feet, who hadn't spoken since they had left the cabin; he looked genuinely traumatized, a look that was most unlike him.

"I FUCKING HATE YOU! NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU JUST HAD DIED THAT DAY LIKE YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO! NO ONE ASKED YOU TO COME BACK! EVERY SINGLE ONE OF OUR FUCKING PROBLEMS COMES BACK TO… "

As a wild swing whipped past his head, Joe reached out and caught Krista by the forearm and shoved her back. In her state, she was in no fit condition to resist and she went crashing to onto her back. Wincing involuntarily, he rose to his feet and stared down at her with nothing even close to resembling pity.

It was more like disdain.

"You're being ridiculous. Why Joe chose to throw in his lot with you emotional wrecks is beyond me."

Krista vaulted to her feet as he spoke, but froze as he aired his last sentence, confusion written on her face.

"What?!"

Stepping to the side and glancing around as though he couldn't stand to even be near any of them, Joe crossed his arms, staring off into the black trees.

"You were fools to have thought it was a good idea to bring him into your folds. He is as emotionally rash as any of you, and possesses an unbelievably obnoxious amount of self-righteousness; always has to be saving somebody else, always has to try and do what he thinks it right… "

Mikasa was starting to genuinely feel frightened as she began to recognize him less and less. It was as though someone was using his shot, battered, broken body to convey some unholy message; this was not Joe. It couldn't be Joe.

"I would have thought he learned his lesson after he fooled you all into thinking he had killed himself, but no, he couldn't even last a year before he was diving back in, risking his neck for all of you."

A devilish smirk crossed his face.

"Perhaps he did put himself in many a sexual situation that many young men would have given anything to be in… "

He looked knowingly at Krista and the blonde's hands drifted over her chest as she swallowed, eyes still blazing.

"… but that was hardly worth it."

Slowly then, he turned to look at Mikasa and her heart stopped as she saw the disgust in his eyes.

"How absurd he was to think that YOU were worth any of this. Love… temptation for the weak-willed. If not for you, I might have persuaded him to do something far more productive with his life by now. But, like a moth to flame, he keeps coming back to you… "

There was the sharp click of a hammer being pulled and Mikasa could only stare as he brought the barrel of a handgun up to point into her face.

"Before he gets back, I think I'd be a good soul to remove that temptation from his path."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Sasha had long since lost track of how long she had been running, not that she had been trying particularly hard to make note of that number in the first place. Since collapsing and screaming herself hoarse, she had rose unsteadily and broke into a fresh sprint. Where she was running was the furthest thing from her mind; if it was all the same to the world, she would rather a cliff appear ahead of her that she could plunge from and die as she so deserved. But nothing but trees and ankle deep snow confronted her as she powered forward, gasping and panting.

 _You should have died instead._

The thought stabbed her mind and she nearly faltered in her running. Where had that come from?

 _You are worthless, people always suffer because of you._

She managed to rasp out a reply to her consciousness.

"That's… not true… I didn't… shoot her… I… didn't… "

 _Does that matter? Annie came back to protect you. She was there to be killed because of you._

Her mind raged as she contemplated the words that she knew were coming from herself. Her thoughts were forced to her first failure, the first time she had committed a deed that had resulted in more heartache than she ever thought possible.

That son of a bitch.

She thought to Joe and the day she had lit up on the roof, becoming more susceptible to the aggressive questioning he had imposed on her. She remembered her words that had spilled from her like a river, telling him everything that had been discussed with Kenny, and finally, begging him desperately not to act on any of what she had told him. Then… the feeling, that horrible fucking FEELING that had washed over her the night where he had done what they all thought he had. She recalled her first suicide attempt which had led to many a lonely night with a blade or gun in her hand, even an evening she had spent with Ilse where she had almost leapt from a bridge.

 _But you didn't._

She hadn't. Sasha had turned to anything to punish herself then; death was too simple. Stripping allowed her countless hours to distract herself from what she believed she had done and humiliate herself in such a way that it felt justified. It felt so embarrassing, but so right at the same time. Even when customers had touched her, breaching the rules of the clubs she worked in, she hadn't reported it, or even resisted it; it was only what she deserved.

But he hadn't died.

He hadn't.

Why hadn't he just died?

 _This isn't like that. You were there, you saw them._

"No, how… how could I… have known… "

 _Petra and Marco too. You failed them, you failed everyone, you…_

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT… "

And in that moment, she realized she could hear another voice shouting among the trees; she slid to a halt and dropped to her knees. She tried desperately to rein in air as she listened desperately. It was far, very far, almost far enough to be beyond earshot, but it was shouting to be sure. Furious shouting, feminine shouting, shouting that…

"Krista."

Pushing herself to her feet so quickly that her head spun, she began moving in the direction that she believed the screaming was originating from. She realized that she very desperately needed to find someone, ANYONE, lest her grasp on sanity dwindle even further.

Though maybe this time, it would be better just to let it.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Head beginning to allow the restoration of her sight, Ymir blinked up into the dead eyes holes of the Klansman she had torn the throat from. Coughing then, she realized the iron taste was still fresh in her mouth; he had bled all down her front to the point where her shirt now felt it weighed at least five times more than it ought to. She mustered her strength and shoved hard; the body rolled off her slowly, it was much heavier than she had expected it to be. Seeing the upraised root that she had almost knocked herself out against, she rubbed the back of her head, wincing before gasping and feeling frantically up and down her body; the Klansman had taken a fair share of bullets before dragging her to the ground and if she had been hit, it was possible that the shock hadn't yet alerted her to any other wounds she had suffered. Bullet penetration was no laughing matter, if the past couple years had taught her anything.

 _Please, please, please…_

Heaving a tremendous sigh when she realized that the bruise on the back of her head was all she would come away from the exchange with, reality came crashing down on her. She rolled upright and clambered over the log she had been knocked behind, cutting her arm in the process. Klansmen lay scattered like leaves, and her eyes immediately moved to her companions, praying that she wouldn't find a single one of them lying silent in the snow.

She saw Levi and Jean both on their feet, neither appearing injured beyond simple bruising. As a small rush of relief swept through her, she saw Florian, kneeling and beaten badly enough to be only somewhat recognizable; a very obviously dead Frieda lay in her lap.

 _Shit…_

Her grief at the girl's death was less something she felt herself, and much more something she feared would be a hindrance to Krista; as she looked around, her eyes locked on the blonde, standing and looking perfectly healthy. Sighing audibly with happiness to see her girlfriend alive and well, she saw the look on Krista's face. It was such a drastic mix of both fury and fear that for a moment, Ymir stopped walking to her. Then, her mind shook her free of the stupor and she walked across the clearing.

"Krista, are you… ?"

The blonde didn't look over, didn't speak, didn't even seem to acknowledge Ymir's presence beyond holding up a hand for her to stop. Doing so and blinking in surprise and growing indignation, Ymir opened her mouth to ask why in the world she was being ordered to freeze. It was then she realized that not a single person had looked to acknowledge that she was alright.

"Hey, what's… "

And she saw then what everyone was staring at.

Joe was standing ten or so feet from Mikasa and had her staring down the barrel of a pistol. Neither of them were moving beyond breathing and neither of them was wearing anything other than a passive face. Ymir then slipped beside her girlfriend and closed her mouth, in disbelief of what she was seeing and not knowing of anything she could do to rectify it.

"Who are you?"

Mikasa asked the question simply and flatly, as though she were in a boring ancient civilizations class, asking if something would be on the test. Joe smiled and Ymir's blood chilled; that was not a smile she had seen before.

"Caught on, have you?"

"Enough to know I'm not talking to the boy I fell in love with."

"Ha. Love again... "

"Scoff if you'd like, but it's true."

"Young women can think a lot of things are true, without any basis other than an emotional one."

"An emotional basis was all I needed for him."

It was truly frightening how nonchalant the conversation seemed to be, and Ymir found herself beginning to let her eyes wander for a weapon.

"Him… so you believe this isn't Joe then."

"You're not."

"So certain… who then? You believe in ghosts? Demonly possessions?"

"I don't, but I do know that I am staring at something that is not Joe."

"Then why in the world do you look so calm?"

Mikasa crossed her arms over her bare chest, breath swirling away into the night like fog.

"Because I know that if he's still in there, he won't let you pull the trigger."

His eyes narrowed as she stared back calmly, feet planted firmly.

"You arrogant cunt, how much do you think you actually meant to him?"

"I meant enough that he always did what he thought was best for me, no matter what that meant for him. And whenever I was hurt, he would torture himself with guilt because he couldn't believe that it wasn't his fault that something had happened to me."

She smiled, a genuine one.

"I meant enough that he came back."

Joe frowned.

"We'll see how well that holds up after… "

Then, his whole body seized as though he had just been hit with a dozen Tasers. Gasping, he wobbled on his feet momentarily; in the corner of her eye, Ymir saw Levi take a step forward. Eyes jamming shut, Joe rasped briefly before they snapped back open and he looked forward. His orbs flicked to Mikasa, then the gun and he gave a terrified roar.

"NOOOO!"

Snapping out with his left arm, he yanked the gun down and a single round blasted the snow by his feet. He yelled again and staggered back into a tree, gaze flashing madly.

"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!"

Then his body spasmed and he straightened, growling.

"Stay out of this, when this is over, you'll be much better off."

He shook again, and his voice altered once more.

"DON'T YOU EVEN LOOK AT HER, YOU PIECE OF… "

The gun flashed towards Mikasa and she dipped out of the way as another round whizzed far above her head. She bent into a crouch, breathing hard, eyes now just as frantic as Ymir had expected them to be.

"JOE, WAKE UP! COME BACK TO ME!"

He roiled like acid covered every inch of his body.

"I LOVE YOU!"

The three words sent him into fresh throes and howls, but as Levi and her both closed in, the gun whipped its way in their directions and they both backed off. Joe rose, teeth bared.

"Stay back, when I'm through with him, I'll deal with you, I won't have… "

He crashed to his knees.

"LEAVE HER ALONE!"

Then, with a scream that sounded to be two people, he shot to his feet and raised the gun at Mikasa once more. His eyes blazed with a mad fire, his mouth bared in what looked like an eternal snarl; then, not knowing why she was doing it, not knowing why she knew it to be right, Ymir launched herself to the side. She felt Krista's hand on her arm and heard her shout her name, but she ignored it, and instead planted herself between Joe and Mikasa, hoping that the sight of someone other than her would snap him free of whatever state he was in. But as she looked into those eyes, so smoking with hate and lunacy, she knew it wouldn't matter; gritting her teeth, she waited to hear the gunshot.

"Do it then, you pussy."

His eyes widened in disbelief and she watched his finger start to squeeze. Then, as if by magic, a second scream, much higher pitched sounding then the one Joe had just released, sounded from just out of sight. Within the next second, Sasha had come sprinting into the clearing, bounding like a stung deer, and belted Joe in the head with the butt of her pistol. The light puffed from his eyes and he collapsed like a sack of potatoes, slumping against Sasha's ankles as she stared down at him, breathlessly. Her eyes then flicked up to the rest of them.

"What… what was he… ?"

In that moment, Ymir knew there was no answer she could give… that ANY of them could give to satisfy her confusion.

Within the next hour, Levi did his best to square away the complete mess that had lain before them. Gentle crying had led a freshly panicked Krista to the place where her baby had been laid with an obvious amount of care atop a snow drift next to two completely disemboweled Klansmen; as the crying blonde had held her child, Ymir had only been able to wrap her arms around the both of them and stare at the spot where it had been left.

 _Why would he have not just left it?_

Shallow graves were dug for the murdered men, with one being dug for Frieda that was considerably more respectful. Florian had almost bit off Levi's hand when he had tried to pry the body from her grasp and it took Krista several minutes of quiet persuasion that culminated in screaming and tears before her sister's body could be buried. Mikasa and Florian had both redressed with what hadn't been torn to shreds and guns were looted from their deceased owners. Sasha had begun sobbing so hard when he asked what had happened at the cabin, that she had nearly fainted; he passed her off to Jean, who put her arm around his shoulder as she bawled at the ground. Speaking over her, Levi ordered Joe to be bound tightly so he would be rendered immobile when he awoke. Mikasa had almost come to blows with him about being allowed to carry him, but Levi insisted the duty fall upon him instead, saying that her emotions would not have allowed her to think rationally if he came to and tried to kill her. She had needed restraining then from Ymir, who realized with surprise that she was the most clear of mind among all of them.

 _Why do I feel so calm?_

The question irked her up until she heard Levi talking to Jean, who he had taken aside.

"The snowmobiles are just up ahead, I'll take you all to them, and then I'm going back to the cabin. If Sasha isn't physically capable of telling anyone what transpired there, I need to see for myself."

"What about… ?"

"Until I return, you are in charge."

"… Me?"

"Yes. You're the only one here whom I can trust to act rationally right now. None of them are fit to make any logical decisions, especially not Mikasa. You keep a close eye on her."

Ymir waited for Jean to start sputtering and objecting, the way his blustery nature always led him to do.

"Alright, I'll do everything I can."

She blinked in surprise and could almost feel the same surprise from Levi before he spoke again.

"Good. Then let's get moving. We've far from won anything."

Ymir knew truer words had not been spoken that night.


	38. Chapter 38

Ymir wasn't sure if the sun had risen yet, it could have for all she knew. The sky was a blanket of grey and had been for well over an hour by this point, the light surely only possible from the sun behind it. It would have been all too easy to simply look at the clock in the kitchen, but Ymir had no intention of moving from where she sat, arms wrapped around a sleeping Krista, their baby beside them in a makeshift crib. She hadn't even bothered trying to sleep, for now, she couldn't close her eyes as long as her girlfriend was asleep; it would likely be a long time before she would be able to.

 _Krista… Historia?_

She had definitely heard the name, more than once as well, uttered by both Frieda and Florian. If they really were her sisters, they had known her far longer than Ymir had, but she couldn't think of why Krista had given herself that name, if it was indeed false. She wouldn't have done it without a reason, but it was difficult not to assume that the reason had been selfish. Why else would someone change their name, without informing the people closest to them?

 _It doesn't matter right now._

Ymir told herself this as she sighed. She couldn't believe that, of course it mattered to her, but in the broader scheme, she had to keep her focus elsewhere.

The hillside shack was blissfully silent. Florian had practically collapsed upon the mere sight of the couch and no one had even considered moving her after she had fallen on it. She had spent several minutes shaking with silent crying before falling into a deep sleep, one that Ymir envied. Sasha had been just as incapable of speaking of what had happened upon their arrival and Levi had looked nearly ready to beat the truth out of her, before shaking his head and exiting, giving Jean simple instructions and leaving him in charge. Sasha had fallen asleep face down on the table, having been sitting there, picking at the back of her hand to the point of bleeding, Jean having gone upstairs to keep lookout. Ymir wouldn't have been surprised if he too had fallen asleep, but he had moved with a responsible fervor that she had never seen in him.

Ymir turned her head towards the bedroom then, feeling an involuntary frown cross her face.

 _Him._

Levi had immediately taken Joe to the bedroom upon their arrival and bound his hands and feet tightly to the bedposts, despite Mikasa insisting she could watch him. Despite his ignoring of her capabilities, she remained in the room with him and before going to sit with Krista, Ymir had looked in on them, an hour or so after arrival and around the time everyone had gone to sleep. Mikasa had been sitting with her back against the wall, fingers intertwined with his, her head bowed as sleep drew deep, long breaths from her. Ymir hadn't wanted to leave her there, but had known that there was very little she could have done to move Mikasa, let alone persuade her to stay elsewhere. Ymir was convinced that Joe was dangerous, so much so that she hadn't trusted herself to fall asleep.

 _God willing, no one else will get hurt… but if it comes to it, he dies before anyone else in this shack._

Ymir spent the rest of the morning before everyone began to stir, trying to convince herself that he would deserve it.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Historia walked delicately around the edge of the table that rested in the small kitchen, baby in one arm, coffee in the other. The world was tremendously grey outside, almost perfectly reflecting the mood of everyone inside. Easing out a chair with the squeak of wood on wood, she sat slowly; she was trying her hand at breastfeeding as there was little else to tide her child over, at least for the moment. The only smile she had managed was a half-hearted ghost of a grin when she had caught Ymir looking at the baby with an air of envy. She only wished the single second of amusement that had distracted her from what had happened could have lasted for so much longer.

"Could you pass the salt?"

Hearing the voice of anyone was an almost alien sound, so quiet had the entire morning been. Regardless, Historia rotated in her chair and slid the shaker down the table to Jean who gave her a nod of thanks. Her gaze shifted to her left where Sasha was picking at her breakfast, so very unlike her; Florian, while awake, had refused to move from her place on the couch and while she faced away from them, Historia knew she had been crying for the better part of the morning.

"Hey, Mika."

She looked up as she heard Ymir's greeting to Mikasa who had finally left the harbor of the room Joe was secured in; the raven-haired girl only nodded in response as she walked to the coffee maker, opening a cupboard in a search for a mug. Ymir continued to watch her carefully.

"He awake?"

Mikasa shook her head as she filled the mug she had found and pulled up a seat along with the rest of them. They were surely all a sorry sight, not a one of them looking to do anything more than breathe and blink. For minutes, they sat in relative silence, the only sound coming from silverware and glasses scraping against the wooden table; Historia finally felt the need to break the silence, if only for the sake of those not present.

"… Sash… ?"

The brunette snapped her head as though someone had just caught her in the midst of committing some terrible crime; she swallowed and her breathing began to become deep and shaky. Ymir reached to the side and took her friend's hand in an exceedingly uncharacteristic move, and Historia knew that she knew what she wanted to ask.

"At… the cabin… what happened?"

It took close to a minute for Sasha to muster the strength to talk and as she relayed everything she had witnessed, her voice remained low and steady, her gaze locked on anything other than the people who sat around her. She spoke of Petra and Marco with no effort to hide what she had seen; Jean's face became so utterly steeled that Historia wondered if he hadn't just gone into a coma. She talked about Annie and the conversation they had in the woods; it was incredibly obvious that Sasha was hiding something about the words they had exchanged, but no one pressed her beyond what she was willing to say. Who knew if she would be willing to say anything beyond what she already was. Her voice shook heavily when she spoke of the Klansmen who had stormed in, killing Marco and Petra, and shooting Annie, so much so to the point where she actually had to stop talking. When she began to speak of running from the clearing and leaving Annie behind, complete with the gunshot she had heard as the left, Historia had reached over to squeeze Mikasa's hand, as the girl looked up, clearly ready to start shouting. As Sasha looked over to Mikasa as she spoke, tears welled in her eyes with alarming speed and Ymir had scooted her chair ever so slightly to put an arm around her. By the end of her story, she was shaking so much so that it was a miracle she wasn't sobbing. Ymir clearly was leaning towards trying to keep looking skyward.

"You didn't see her die. We don't know what a gunshot means."

Historia nodded, but only was halfway through opening her mouth when Mikasa stood from the table abruptly and kicked her chair away hard enough to send it into the opposite wall. Sasha have both a gasp and a sob, putting a palm over her mouth. Ymir turned away and mouthed a swear word and Historia blinked at her in confusion as she rocked her baby gently as the noise had brought it away from the harbor of her breast to wave its small fists around in confusion. No one dared say anything else as Mikasa strode to the window and stared out at the cold endless tundra that seemed to overlap with the grey sky. It remained silent as the minutes ticked by, with every single person trying to wrap their heads around this other bombshell that had just been delivered. Historia watched Jean carefully, but he seemed to not be reacting whatsoever beyond his newfound lack of movement. She retreated into her own head, doing everything in her power to keep from breaking down.

 _How… how could this happen… Ilse… Petra… Marco… Annie…Frieda, oh God, why, why, why would you…_

"We… we've lost too many people."

Ymir's voice didn't sound emotional like Historia would have guessed, but rather it sounded… calculating. As Ymir spoke, the blonde realized she wasn't taking her eyes off Mikasa's back.

"We need to… make sure no one else gets hurt. And I know this may not seem like the time to talk about this, but… "

She swallowed.

"We should talk about Joe."

As she spoke the name, Mikasa didn't move. And that may have been more terrifying than any motion she might have made otherwise. Sasha looked at her, face still wet with tears as she chewed on her bottom lip.

"What are you talking about?"

"You all saw what happened. What he did. What he… said."

"So what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that there is something very wrong with the boy in that room. And we need to take precautions to make sure that whatever happened back there doesn't come close to happening again."

Historia watched her girlfriend carefully.

"You think he's dangerous to us."

"I'm not saying anything beyond I think we need to make sure he's not put in a position where he could be."

Jean spoke without moving his gaze from the table, voice cracking.

"He's already tied down. Levi knew he was dangerous and I think we all do as well. What more do we need to do?"

Ymir leaned forward.

"We need to know that it's really Joe in that body down the hall."

Jean opened his mouth, brow furrowing, but before a word left his mouth, Mikasa spoke without turning or seeming to move at all.

"You seem to be confused as to what a person is. That is Joe, that is his body, that is the person who saved us."

Historia saw Ymir fidget and could tell she was trying hard to keep herself from standing up or losing control of her emotions.

"If that's so, it's also the same person who called you a cunt, threatened you with a gun, and caused Frieda to die."

Mikasa gave no reply, as Florian gave a silent shudder from the couch. Ymir continued to stare and after waiting several seconds, she leaned back, clearly wanting to choose her words carefully.

"I'm not saying we do anything drastic, at least not immediately… "

Whipping her head around with her dark hair swirling around her face, Mikasa gave Ymir a glare that caused her to shrink slightly, but she didn't back down.

"… I'm just saying we wake him up and… see what greets us."

Jean crossed his arms; the weight of what had happened was clearly still plaguing him, but despite his low voice, he spoke with conviction.

"Levi gave me strict orders to not do anything beyond protect you lot until he comes back. I don't think we should… "

Ymir turned to him, with this obviously not being the response that she wanted.

"Don't tell me that you're… "

He looked at her and swallowed, mouth flattening into a determined line.

"He's tied down. He's unconscious. We're watching him. Whatever… whatever might have been wrong with him, we can handle it if it comes to that."

Eying him in mild disbelief for several seconds, Ymir turned to Sasha who shook her head quickly.

"Ymir… don't… please can we just… not fight… "

She slammed a fist on the table then and Historia slid her hands over the baby's ears.

"HAVEN'T WE HAD ENOUGH OF THAT?!"

For a moment, it looked as though Ymir wasn't going to back down and start fighting back, but after staring at Sasha's red, furious, and tear soaked face, she put her hands up and leaned back.

"Fine."

Heaving a shaky sigh, Sasha put her head down and began to cry quietly; Ymir reached out tentatively and began massaging her friend's neck gently.

"Sorry, Sash."

Sasha leaned into her shoulder, burying her face and shaking. Within the next minute, each of them began to rise silently, one by one, Jean to the second floor, Ymir taking Sasha to her room, and Historia stood to carry her baby as best she could to the bathroom. As she did, she caught a glimpse of Mikasa's eyes on Ymir as she exited the kitchen.

The look she gave her was enough to make Historia shiver violently enough to cause her baby to look at her in newfound confusion.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

As insults raged in her head as Ymir's form disappeared through a door frame, Mikasa turned back to the window, cursing the girl for everything she had just suggested.

 _Who the fuck does she think she is, saying something like that._

Just as quickly, she turned on her heel, realizing that if Ymir really had intentions of interrogating Joe, he shouldn't be left alone. He was just as she had left him as she burst into the room, tied down and fast asleep, head turned to the wall. She pulled her a chair over to him, sitting slowly, watching him closely for any signs of movement, but he remained passive and motionless save for his deep breathing. Lowering her head, she swore silently at Ymir, not for what she had said, but because she very well could have been right.

The words he had spoken to her, the glare that had seethed on his face, the emotionless violence he had perpetrated, none of these were things Mikasa could deny, and that was what she hated the most. But he had sounded so different, so hateful, so much so that it couldn't have been him. He had spoken as though he wasn't Joe, he had definitely been struggling with something internally. And that something was immensely dangerous.

 _Fuck it all._

Ymir was right, he was dangerous, they had no idea what was going on within him. But Mikasa had no intention of letting anyone other than her be the one to find out the truth. If there truly was someone else in his body, then perhaps letting him kill her would be for the best.

 _I… I can't lose him. Not again._

She lowered her head and closed her eyes, putting a hand on his chest. Only one heartbeat resonated within him and as she felt his warmth, his life, she found herself holding in tears.

"… Mi… Mikasa?"

She leapt to her feet and spun as a tentative and quiet voice spoke from behind her; Florian was standing in the doorway, looking thoroughly terrible. Sleep had done her no favors, as Mikasa saw her untidy hair, her beaten and exhausted face, her battered body, and the way she wobbled as she stood. Levi had done as quick a job of addressing her wounds before leaving, but they could never fully prevent the pain she was surely feeling. And of all the people that Mikasa would have liked intruding at that moment, Florian was not one of them.

"What?"

Her reply came out curt as she had expected it to, but as Florian looked down meekly, she began to regret it.

 _Who am I to judge her now?_

She reached out and pulled the blonde into the room, guiding her to the other chair that remained available. Florian sat in it, wincing as she did, and Mikasa followed suit, feeling the same pain that the blonde must have felt. She waited patiently for the other girl to speak; wounded or not, this girl had claimed Joe, and that was not something Mikasa took lightly.

"I… I'm scared of him."

This hadn't been what she expected, and she looked up in surprise. Florian was watching Joe with tears in her eyes, hands shaking in her lap.

"When I met him, I was fooling around. Playing. I hadn't… hadn't thought I'd be drawn to him like I was. Hadn't expected that… I'd fall for his stupid sense of humor and cute smile."

She turned her head, the real question already framed in her eyes.

"Before… before he came to my town… he was with you?"

Mikasa nodded.

"Did… did you love him?"

 _Did I love him._

"Yes."

Tears began to slide down the blonde's face.

"You still do."

 _I still love him._

The four words dug at her gut, enough that her words came out shaky.

"I'll never stop loving him. No matter what happens to him, no matter what happens to me."

Florian closed her eyes, as fresh tears passed through her eyelids and she nodded firmly.

"I won't pretend I don't have feelings for him, even… even after what he's done. But… when this is all over, I won't stand between you."

The confession had not been something Mikasa would have ever expected to hear, and she was so overcome for a moment that it was all she could do to stare. Florian began to cry into her hands as her head lowered and Mikasa stared at her, still mystified over what she had heard.

 _She… she didn't fight. She didn't even try._

It was then that she knew what Florian wanted, what she had wanted all along, but had never said it or had the time to.

 _She wants what's best for him._

A tear fell into Mikasa's lap.

"Thank you."

She couldn't remember the last time she had said those two words. Without any motive to do so, she rose and knelt by Florian pulling her into a tight hug. She had to keep herself from crying as Florian sobbed into her chest and Mikasa closed her eyes.

"Well... that's rather adorable."

Her heart froze then as she opened her eyes, spinning her head in time to see Joe rip his hands free from the restraints, smiling.


	39. Chapter 39

**AN: Aight, so just want to quickly address something for those of you who haven't already asked me about it. Chapter 38 went up last Friday as normal, but the website failed to update, and by consequence, never listed RWM as updated. So that chapter is up and readable for those of you that missed it. Praying this chapter goes up without a similar problem, but I'm afraid that is out of my control; here's hoping though.**

 **Also, this chapter is probably the longest chapter I've ever written for a story, so my apologies to those of you for whom that isn't your cup of tea.**

 **Also, mucho smut incoming.**

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

" _ **Thus with my lips have I denounced you, while my heart, bleeding within me, called you tender names.**_

 _ **It was love lashed by its own self that spoke.**_

 _ **It was pride half slain that fluttered in the Dust.**_

 _ **It was my hunger for your love that raged from the housetop, while my own love, kneeling in silence, prayed your forgiveness."**_

― _**Kahlil Gibran**_

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The world snapped into focus with painful abruptness; Joe blinked and tried to sit up, pain in all parts of him that weren't his head.

"Well… that's rather adorable."

The world then seemed to shift into slow motion as Dust, who seemed to be standing next to him, reached down and undid the restraints that were holding him down.

 _Why was I tied down?_

As he pondered the question, he sat up to see Mikasa and Florian at the foot of the bed he had been lying in, the latter sitting in a chair as they held each other. They were both staring at him with obvious surprise and… fear? Why fear?

"What… happened?"

Before either of them could do more than slowly break apart from the hug they had apparently been sharing, Dust crossed his arms and spoke.

"You were knocked out after you got rammed over that stump in the woods. I decided not to interfere after all, your pal Levi had it well in hand and essentially saved everyone."

The relief that Dust hadn't caused any trouble almost sent Joe back to sleep, so strong that it was. That aside, he was still confused why he could remember so little; he couldn't recall having been knocked out.

"Take it easy, you're not likely doing well."

That was as close as Dust had ever come to comforting words and before Joe could so much as offer thanks, his apparition of a friend had vanished. He took slow, deep breaths of pine smelling air as he stared at the place where Dust had stood before looking back to the foot of his bed. Neither Mikasa nor Florian had moved and they both rather seemed content to not move and just stare at him in perpetual worry.

"Hey… what's going on?"

He looked to his wrists.

"Why was I tied down?"

Then, the true gravity of the situation that previous night hit him like a freight train and he attempted to shoot up.

"Where is everyone!? Are they all… "

Blood poured into his head and the world spun, his ears roaring. He went crashing back against his pillow as he heard Mikasa say something in a low tone, presumably to Florian.

"Tell Jean that Joe is awake, and that he's fine. Tell him to keep it to himself and… do NOT tell Ymir."

The last four words were spoken with serious menace and there was a brief bout of silence before Joe lifted his head just in time to see Florian's long blonde hair whip out through the door. He licked his lips, dry as his entire body felt. His gaze then met Mikasa's, and he remembered everything. Her eyes were so full of raw emotion, hate, fear, grief, that he almost couldn't bring himself to speak.

"I… I… "

It was then that he realized he had no idea what to say. What COULD he say? This was the first time he had been by himself with her in… what felt like eons. It felt so good to be with her, but her eyes made all of that feel obsolete. Her first words were like that of a nurse, who only cared about their patient because it was their job.

"Try not to move much. Still a hole near your stomach and those painkillers will only last till morning if you don't stress your body more."

He realized the partial numbness that seemed to occupy his midsection.

"Mikasa, I… "

And as he looked back at her, and he saw her waiting for him to say anything to explain himself, he knew there was nothing he could say. So much hurt was reflected on her face, that all he wanted to do was stand and hold her, though he knew she would throw him aside in an instant.

 _What can I say…_

And then, as though fate knew it needed to intervene, a strong pulsing washed over his head and darkness took him down once more.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Staring out at the grey world as wind began to lift snow in the distance, Ymir tried desperately not to rant in front of her girlfriend.

"I just… I get how much everyone's hurting, I do, I feel the same way. But… we can't just leave things to chance because… "

Turning her gaze towards the hallway, she tried not to let fury get the better of her.

"How can she still… DEFEND him after what happened?"

Krista seemed to be only half-listening as she stroked the back of her baby's head, eyes unfocused and staring out the window.

"She can handle him. I think you forget who she is."

Growling, Ymir crossed her arms and leaned back.

"I'm aware that she's capable to dealing with someone built like him, but… it's also him! He could probably shoot up a school and she'd still not raise a finger towards him!"

"We have to trust her."

Ymir rolled her eyes.

"Trust… what does that word even mean any more… "

The blonde had no response, and Ymir joined her in staring blankly. The world continued to pass them by, so slowly as they remained shut off from it; Ymir closed her eyes.

How had it come to this? How, in one, single day, had they lost so much? She remembered Ymir standing by Joe, what could have been a hopeful smile so gently laid on her face. Then the gunshot, and… her body slumping to the side, eyes still… still open. Thinking about it caused tears to begin to well in her eyes, but she knew she couldn't allow that to happen. She couldn't let anyone else see her in a moment of weakness, not now. Ymir very much believed that she was the only one level-headed enough, save for Levi, to make decisions worth a damn. And who knew how he would be after finding out Petra was gone?

 _Hell, or if he even comes back at all._

"Krista."

She felt then, the necessity to address what had been sitting in the back of her mind for what seemed like far too long now. The blonde turned her head ever so slightly to indicate she had heard. Over her shoulder, the baby hiccupped and softly bumped its tiny fist against her back.

"Who are you? Really?"

The question terrified her in what it implied, what it could mean, and what it could eventually spell out for the both of them. But Ymir needed to know before anything else happened. She knew that the girl she had loved for so many years was not who she thought she was. That hurt more than anything.

The blonde closed her eyes and set her jaw.

"Ymir… "

Not in the mood to dance around the subject, she got up from her chair and dropped to one knee besides the girl who had caused her so much hurt and so much joy.

"Please. I need to know, I can't just keep pretending that I know who you are when I… "

"Ymir, I know."

She needed to say more, wanted to say more, but her girlfriend was faster.

"And I will tell you everything, I will. But please… don't make me relive it know. Not just after what's happened, don't make me… "

Tears slid from between her closed eyes.

"… don't make me remember why I left that name behind now. Please don't."

Ymir wanted to deny her this, she wanted to scream that she had been left in the dark for far too long and that she couldn't keep living like this. But she could. For Krista, she could live in ceaseless agony for as long as necessary.

"Okay."

She rose slowly and sat back in her chair.

"Okay."

Silence returned and Ymir found herself cursing her own assertiveness.

 _Maybe I am just rushing everything, trying to make everything work the way I want it. But… someone has to fucking make sure that no one else winds up like…_

"I want to name her Ilse."

Rotating her head, she saw Krista with tears silently streaming down her face; she got to her feet again and walked over. The words she had spoken only barely registered in her racing mind.

"Hey, hey, what's… "

"The baby. I want to name her Ilse."

The simple declaration hit Ymir then so hard that she had difficulty not crashing over as she knelt beside Krista once again. She didn't know what to say to that, she had given the matter so little thought herself.

"I uh… I mean, if you think that… "

Krista seemed to have drifted off into another world, eyes on the ceiling as she continued to cry quietly.

"Do you remember what she said in high school? That of all the couples she knew, we would be the first to have a… a… "

She started to shake and Ymir gently reached out and took her chin, rotating her head so she could look into those beautiful eyes; they were stark with grief. They stared at each other for several seconds, before Krista wailed, and wrapped her free arm around Ymir's neck.

"Ilse's dead! She's dead, she's gone!"

"I know, baby, I know… "

"She's never coming back! Never! And Marco and Petra and Annie and… and… "

Ymir could hear the name "Frieda" on her tongue, but Krista broke then, collapsing against Ymir who held her, tightly, hoping the baby wouldn't stir. She dragged her fingers gently against her back, not trusting herself to say anything and knowing how much she would break too if she let herself. She remained there, holding the blonde for over a minute as she slowly settled down to the point where deep breathing replaced the tears. Swallowing, Krista looked up slowly.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't… don't worry about it… "

Behind them there came the sound of a door closing and they looked to see Florian walk back into the adjoining living room and sit on the couch, facing the opposite window. She pulled her legs up and by her shaking, Ymir could tell she was crying. Krista stared after her sister for several seconds, before shakily standing herself.

"I'm… going to go talk to her… here… "

And in a sudden, surprising movement, she pressed the baby into Ymir's arms; panic immediately hit her as it blinked up at her, sucking its fist contently.

"Ah, wait, no, I can't, I don't know how… "

Krista gave a very small smile.

"Don't worry… just hold her. I'll be right over there."

And she left the room to sit next to Florian, arm going around her sister's shoulder, murmuring words quietly. Turning back to the immediate matter at hand and gritting her teeth, Ymir held the baby a distance enough away so she would be out of the splash zone if it decided she looked like a good throw-up target.

"Alright, you. Let's uh, just… don't freak out or anything, alright?"

It blinked at her and she rolled her eyes.

"As if you can understand anything I say, good one Ymir. No wait, what are you… "

Plucking her thumb up in a chubby fist, she was forced to cradle it against her chest with her free hand as she allowed it to wave her thumb around. Wincing, she saw it move its new toy towards its mouth.

"No, no, no, I really don't think you want to… "

It began sucking on her thumb and the wetness of its mouth startled her.

"Oh jeez, you have got to be kidding me… ah, shit that tickles, man."

Twitching her shoulder, she let out an involuntary chuckle; the baby saw her expression and smiled up at her, resuming its shaking of her thumb.

"Yeah… you're not so bad, huh. I guess you'll need to learn to recognize this face, anyway."

It giggled up at her and she smiled in spite of herself; it really just was so damn adorable.

"Now just play nice until your mommy gets back, because I seriously don't know what the fuck I'm doing… "

Its stomach rumbled gently and she winced. It giggled at her again.

"Oh very funny now, if you seriously barf on me, I will actually be pissed, so it would be great if you just didn't… "

She turned her head at the sound of a sob; Krista and Florian had their arms around each other, both of them appeared to be sobbing against each other. There was nothing Ymir would have rather done than alieve their distress somehow, but she knew how useless she was to do something like that. Grunting in pain, she looked down at the baby who had just grabbed a fistful of her hair and was pulling on it lightly.

"Well, you sure as annoying as Ilse was… "

And she froze. The words left her mouth and her gut began to churn, emotions suddenly flooding up to rush into places where they hadn't before been. Ymir began to shake in worry and fear as to what it meant, before the baby hiccupped and she looked down at it.

Its eyes were wide and it seemed to be regarding her with something resembling confusion. Ymir stared back, trying to reign in air. Then, she took the baby in both arms and hugged it, sobbing against its back, turning away so Krista couldn't see. The hurt was so strong, so real, so sudden; she cried for everything that had happened and for everything they had lost. She cried knowing that everything that had happened could have been so easily avoided. Ymir cried longer than she ever had, as the baby patted the back of her head with her tiny hands.

When Krista returned, she had no explanation as to why the baby's back was wet, but she was sure her red eyes didn't warrant one anyway.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

It wasn't yet pitch black outside, but where the room was positioned, it may as well have been the darkest hour of the morning. Mikasa intertwined her fingers for the millionth time as she sat in her chair, staring in the darkness where she knew Joe lay. Levi still hadn't returned from his outing and while this was not something he had said to worry about, the tension in the small cabin and begun to bubble. They needed him back, they needed a plan of action; as of now, they had nothing to work with, beyond their wits.

 _Goddammit._

She couldn't bring herself to try and sleep, she was far too frightful of the idea of Ymir slipping into the room, knife drawn and ready to slit Joe's throat. Mikasa had been trying for hours to convince herself that wasn't a possibility, but she felt there was nothing she could trust anymore.

Not even herself.

Closing her eyes, she rested her head against her knuckles as she listened to the wind begin to whistle through the wooden walls of their temporary abode. Some level of bad weather had been approaching all day, further giving the group reason to fret.

 _If only… if only we had never left Krista's side._

That was where she could trace it. If they hadn't left that window in the hospital, staring in on her and Joe, this entire debacle would never have begun. But even as she tried to convince herself of it, she knew it wasn't true. Their problems had begun well before then.

 _Joe… if only… I had never met you._

The pure thought sent a wave of agony through her gut so strong that she nearly gasped aloud. Swallowing bile, she shook her head. Did she really wish that? Perhaps everyone would have been better off if all those nights ago, he had never slipped his way into their ranks and stolen from them. They would have gone on with their lives, and he would have gone on with his, probably finishing college and spending the holidays with his family. He would have been… happy.

 _But then… I never would have…_

Mikasa couldn't even finish the thought and she grit her teeth, squeezing her eyelids shut.

 _I need him._

"… you awake?"

His voice caused her to jump and she straightened in her chair, speaking more formally than she meant to.

"Yes."

She heard him shift.

"Don't move, it's not good for your wound."

Sighing, the stirring quieted.

"I know. Just… habits."

It was true; every morning she had woke up beside him, he had needed to stretch and move around for minutes on end before leaving the comfort of the covers and mattress.

"How did you sleep?"

The blatantly honest and absurd question left her lips before she even had time to consider it and she could sense his confusion.

"… did you really just ask me that?"

She scratched the back of her head.

"I guess I did."

He gave a low chuckle in the darkness.

"Well… well, is about how I slept. Not great, but not bad."

Mikasa nodded even though she couldn't see him and she was unsure if that applied both ways. Awkward silence claimed the room then, and she lowered her gaze towards the direction of her feet. Then, her brow furrowed.

 _What are you doing?_

It was Joe. She was with him again, actually. He hadn't died that day, he hadn't killed himself. Through some of the most fucked up events possible, he had returned to her and she realized that had been what she had wanted all along. She had spent nights crying about it to Eren, nights trying to hurt herself for letting him go, nights trying to forget him by any means necessary, and now, after all that, he was back.

And she couldn't feel a thing.

 _What the fuck is wrong with you, Mika?! It's him, he's alive, you're not dreaming! Talk to him, ask him questions, scream at him, cry, hit, fucking ANYTHING!_

As she mentally howled at herself, Joe spoke, very quietly, voice cracking.

"I'm sorry."

The two words seemed to echo off the walls as though he had bellowed them; she blinked and stared where she knew him to be, words failing her.

"I… have no idea what you're feeling right now. I can't imagine. But please… just talk to me."

"About what?"

Her response was foreign, she wasn't entirely sure she had even said the words herself. She could feel his distress.

"I… I don't know! Anything!"

She said nothing, simply listened to the sound of him agonizing silently, before, suddenly, she knew what to say.

"I contemplated suicide more than once."

A short exhale from him confirmed to her that he was holding back tears, tough this didn't deter her in the slightest.

"I spent hours a day, thinking about you. I cursed at you, cried to you, even touched myself thinking about you. You were never there, but… somehow it felt like you were."

Something was building in the bottom of her gut.

"Ultimately, it always came back to why. Why you did what you did, why I let you, why… "

"I was trying to protect you! All of you!"

"I'm aware. I've heard that same bullshit from more than one person."

Mikasa heard him push himself up onto his elbows, and she could practically hear him hurting.

"It's not bullshit!"

She sighed.

"I know you don't think it is. But it is to me."

There was confusion in his voice.

"What are you talking about?"

As his voice increased in pitch and emotion, hers seemed to do the opposite.

"I told you, Joe. That night in your room, that night I'll never forget. I told you that you that I couldn't lose you. Do you remember?"

He gave a pained sigh and laid back.

"How could I… ?"

She cocked her head in his direction, fists clenching and unclenching.

"Did you think I was lying? That I was just saying that because of the moment?"

"No, I… "

"I meant it Joe. I've never meant anything more in my life."

He had stopped trying to refute her statements, and Mikasa found his silence encouraging, almost refreshing.

"I decided that night that you were mine. That… I need you to be. I was so broken before I met you, I can't even remember how it felt. Then… we happened. And for those months, I felt the happiest I've ever felt in my life."

She could practically feel the heat steaming from her eyes as she glared.

"Then, you tore it all away. It wasn't just sending me back to square one, you know. It was expunging me from the fucking game itself. There was nothing for me. I looked, I really did. But nothing on this fucking globe made me feel a fraction of how you made me feel."

Tears welled so suddenly that they almost surprised her into silence.

"And… now that you're back… I don't know what to say, Joe, I really don't."

She waited and prayed that he would begin to tell her the words that would fill her with hope, regardless if they were true; that he was back, he was there for her, he wouldn't leave her again. But he played her own card right back and remained silent. She lowered her head and tried to muster the strength to let the tears fall.

"I'm… so sick of everyone pretending like I got something out of running away."

Blinking in shock at the sudden venom in his voice, she jerked her head up. He seemed to still be lying there, but the trembling and weakness had disappeared from his voice. It wasn't like how he had become in the woods, rather it was how he had sounded whenever he had been speaking in her defense. It was a tone she had forgotten existed, and it caught her off guard, but not as much as the words he spoke.

"You all seem to think that… that, that I just wanted to run away and be free of it all. Leave you all with a mess, and live my life free and easy."

He paused for a long while and she almost rose to her feet to move closer to his side.

 _Stop._

"Doing that… was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Faking it like that. Running away. But… you know that… I had originally just intended to die."

He swallowed audibly and she could feel the force he had to muster to force the words out.

"When Sasha told me what Kenny wanted, it was obvious, annoyingly so, what I had to do. I knew there was no other option, it was my only chance to keep all of you safe. But… "

The sounds of him clapping a palm to his forehead and laughing wetly mixed.

"It seems so stupid now, after everything, but… I… "

The silence reached a deafening point in the pause that he took.

"I was so scared of dying."

As though she had laughed or snorted, he laughed again.

"I know, right? Stupid. But… I had never thought about it before. Was there a heaven or hell? Which was I going to? I mean, hell obviously, but… what if… what if there's just… when you die, it's just… nothing."

His voice drifted, and she heard the fear.

"Just like being in a dreamless sleep, but… forever."

He hiccupped.

"That scared me more than anything."

Sighing, she heard him shift his feet.

"So I faked it. I faked it and ran away, thinking that maybe I could live quietly while the rest of you managed to live successfully. But… "

He sighed again, but halfway through, the sigh broke into shakes that could only come from a sob.

"I… I missed you so much."

The hurt in his voice was so real, so agonized, that the dam that had been holding back Mikasa's feelings for him broke. The hate and rage directed at him were washed away as the grief of losing him rolled against her feelings of joy that he was back once again. But more than anything else, the hurt that he ever thought he could leave her, for either of their sakes, reigned supreme. She let the tears slide silently down her face as he shook in front of her.

"I wanted… so badly to be with you, I almost came back to town so many times. You think you were the only one who suffered out of this?"

Driving her nails into her knees, she closed her eyes, trying not to give in to what she knew was forgiveness and acceptance.

 _He doesn't deserve that… he's done so much wrong, I can't just…_

He sniffed.

"You certainly weren't the only one who considered biting the bullet. Maybe… fuck, it probably would have been better if I had just died in the first place."

She crossed the distance then, reaching through the darkness to find his hand. As the warmth of his touch flooded her form, he shook with another sob, squeezing her hand tightly. Desperation began to mix with the agony in his voice.

"Mikasa… please… please forgive me. I'll do anything, please, just… I can't hurt like this. Not anymore. I can't, I can't… "

Laying her head on his chest, she shushed him, while she ignored her own tears.

"Shh... shh… "

He moaned and shook with fresh sobs.

"I'm so sorry… I'm sorry, I can't… I can't live this way, even if you can't forgive me, just… just kill me, just kill me, I can't live without you, not again, I… "

And she brought her head up to kiss him. The action flooded her body with a sensation she had long forgotten, a sensation that sent fresh life through her veins. She worked her lips against his, relishing in the feeling that had brought her happiness so many times in the past.

 _Oh Christ, oh God… why, why, WHY, did you do this to us?_

He cried against her as her own tears gently slid down to brush his face. The fire that had been slowly growing in her gut reached a peak then, and she swung a leg over him, climbing onto his lap and began to kiss down his neck.

 _What are you doing, what are you doing, what the fuck is wrong with you, get the fuck out of here before…_

The reason, the common sense, the logic was driven from Mikasa's head by a tidal force of lust and agony, and she pulled off his shirt with a quick, efficient motion. She slowly dragged her face down him, tongue relishing every bit of skin that it covered; careful to avoid his wound, she reached his waist and felt him quiver.

 _Yes._

His pants slid down his legs along with his boxers and she saw its shadow in the dark; a switch seemed to flip in her head, and a mild dampness began to work its way against her underwear. Reaching out and taking it gently in her hand, she felt him shudder as she held its familiar shape. Joe shook with another sob, that lapsed into a moan as she began to stroke it, slowly at first and then increasing in pace until it hardened to the point where she knew he could get no more erect. She brushed the head of it against her cheek and he shuddered again.

"Joe… "

It was almost embarrassing the amount of passion in her voice, but she couldn't have cared less as she began to fellate him as aggressively and sensually as she ever had. She had always been impartial to this sort of oral play, but now, in the moment, she couldn't have rather been doing anything else. Her hands ran up his body as she did, fingers gently stroking over his chest while he obediently remained still for her to work on him. She began to increase to move her head faster, tongue lapping over every part of it that she could reach; she began to unbutton the shirt that Levi had lent her as he moaned again. Stripping away the top and undoing her bra, she let her nipples rub against his thighs every time she dipped down.

 _It can… it can never… be like it was._

Mikasa's mind continued to hiss deterrents at her, but she paid them no mind as she struggled to remove her own pants and underwear. When they were finally kicked free, she rotated her body and threw her knees around either side of his head, praying that he would oblige her. Hearing a great sniff as he tried to stop crying and she resumed sucking on his member as best as she was able. After several seconds, his mouth closed around her sex and she inhaled sharply, almost biting him on accident. Then, he began to work his tongue against her, arriving at the point where she had prayed it would go.

"Oh, fuck… "

The involuntary words escaped her as she began to stroke him once more, no longer trusting her mouth to do as good a job. She took deep breaths to steady herself as, despite his state, he worked magic against her; in response, she began to very gently hump him, pressing herself against his mouth even harder and she released his sex and pushed herself to her hands, trying desperately not to moan. Sensing her weakness, he began to work faster, hands wrapping around to hold her ass, ensuring she couldn't escape if she tried.

"Joe, don't… stop for just one… oh shit… oh baby, just… ah… ah fuck… "

 _What's happening to me?_

She had never been this vocal during sex, nor this weak. It was as though, he had cast a spell on her, one that rendered her so completely helpless that no matter what she attempted or did to him in return, he had her under his thumb.

And the idea excited Mikasa even further.

Returning to stroking him, she wrapped her mouth around his genitals and began to work on them as well; he moaned against her as she did and she responded in kind, grinding gently against his face. Minutes passed in which neither of them seemed to grow weary of the dirty game they were playing, but Mikasa finally realized that this wasn't ultimately what she wanted. Pulling away from his grasp, she rotated again, sitting on his lap, her sex rubbing against his. The very feeling sent waves of anticipation coursing through her, and judging by his breathing, he felt the same way.

"Mikasa, I… "

"Shh, don't talk now… "

She took in a deep, shaking breath, and propped herself up on her knees. Grinding gently against him, she lay down against his body, wrapping him in her arms and savoring every inch that their naked bodies touched of each other.

"I love you… I love you… so much… "

His words sent fresh tears to her eyes and she bit at his ear, kissing the side of his neck. He coursed with a fresh sob as he hugged her back, hands running down the scars that would never heal. Taking his wrists, she dragged his hands to hold her breasts and as he took them, she closed her eyes in ecstasy, letting the tears stream from between her eyelids. Straightening, she let him sit up with her, putting her right nipple in his mouth while he toyed with the other in his fingers; she took his head, running fingers through his hair and kissing any part of him she could reach.

 _Joe… take me away._

Not being able to stand it anymore, Mikasa lifted herself and slid him inside her; they both threw their heads back in unison as the familiar touches of each other slowed their thoughts so that only lust remained. Feeling him shake beneath her, she circulated her hips, dragging him around her insides and he gasped at the feeling. Momentarily at a loss at how good it felt, she fell against him and let out the most feminine, humiliating moan she had ever mustered up in his ear. He groaned back and took her by the waist and she straightened, beginning to ride him; she began slowly, letting her hips do most of the work while she propped her arms on his chest. He pushed against every motion she made, letting out the repetitive moans she so loved to hear.

 _He's finally mine. And nothing on this fucking planet will take him away again._

The thought sent a fresh moan out her mouth towards the ceiling and she immediately picked up the pace, slamming herself against him as quickly as she was able. He seemed to have been unready for this and his breathing heightened and he arched his back.

"Mikasa, you're… oh God, I'm… fuck… "

Smiling at how she was rendering him speechless, she pounded him harder, grunting as he pushed against her limits. She leaned forward, letting her hips ride him with the most speed she could manage. Nothing had ever felt this good, nothing COULD feel this good…

"I… I'm… I can't… "

As the minutes rolled by, she felt him begin to twitch inside of her and she knew what was coming. Withholding a shout of ecstasy, she leaned against him once more, cradling his head face in her hands.

"Not yet… just a little longer… little longer… "

Swallowing, he nodded and she kissed him, driving her tongue into his mouth where she could moan more freely. She felt it building in her own sex, that climax that had evaded her for so long and as it neared, she pressed her forehead against his; Joe's eyes reflected hers even in the dark and she was overcome with emotion.

"I'm ready… "

That was clearly what he had been waiting to hear; rising up, he grabbed her hips and began to thrust up into her just as hard as she had, and she screamed through her teeth, trying to reign in her noise. She grabbed his arms as he held her and let him slam her with all the strength he could manage before his breathing doubled in pace and he began to shudder anew. Not willing to let it be anything less powerful, she resumed riding him as hard as she could, and her legs began to ache with tiredness.

"Oh… oh my Christ, I… Mikasa, I'm… !"

And he erupted within her, moaning loudly as he released everything he had into where she had needed it for so long. Leaning back so that she was staring at the ceiling, Mikasa shouted his name, no longer fearing being heard. Her sex seemed to burst with the most sensual fire imaginable, sending waves of mind numbing ecstasy through her form. She was in love, she was never letting go and no one was going to take that away. They finished, each other's liquids seeping against the other and she remained on top of him, panting, not realizing how badly she needed the air.

 _I'm the only one who can protect him. Even if it's from himself._

She collapsed against him, feeling his heart pounding against his chest, mirroring hers. He held her running hands from her rear, to her shoulders and causing fresh shivers to break out along her muscled body.

"How… how could you forgive me?"

His question was so depressed, yet so grateful, that she wasn't sure how to answer at first.

"I didn't have a choice, Joe."

"Why?"

She could see tears glimmering on his cheeks.

"Because it's the only way I can forgive myself."

She stroked his face as he shakily ran his fingers through her hair.

"I'm so fucking worthless… why, why am I worth anything to you?"

Mikasa could have spoken for so long about how he was worth so much to her, but she knew that three words were all encompassing of that endless ocean of affection and love. His agony was palpable, and she realized, with confusion, that she relished it.

"Because you're mine."


	40. Chapter 40

Angrily, and with a genuine lack of restraint, Kenny cursed his own hubris as he marched around his office. It had been so stupid, to assume a bunch of his Klanmates would have been capable to properly and quickly dealing with the problem he had laid before them. They had been overdue by over a day now, and that could mean only one thing, really.

"Damn it, damn it, DAMN IT, DAMN… "

His door swung open and he turned furiously; no one was above entering his office without knocking.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK… "

His shout died immediately when he saw his guest.

"Ah, man… "

Abel Reiss walked with her usual stride, cocky and bored as she let the door swing shut behind her. Kenny crossed his arms.

"You really need to learn to knock."

Whipping aside her short blonde hair, she leaned against his desk, sighing.

"I would, but that would have wasted a whole two seconds of my time, and would have given you the assumption that… "

He waved a hand.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, what do you want?"

"My sisters. Where are they?"

 _Oh baby._

"Well… your guess is as good as mine."

"I thought you went to where you knew they were hiding, and you were going to bring them in."

"Bad info. They weren't where we thought."

Lying was second nature to Kenny, but lying to Abel always made him feel uneasy. She looked to be fighting down a scowl.

"Fuck."

Pacing away, she walked in front of his window, crossing her arms.

"I want to chance at Zoe."

Kenny chuckled.

"Carven did a number on her, I promise. She's not going to give up anything if that's what… "

"I still want a go."

"Why?"

She turned and glared at him.

"Just tell me where she is."

Kenny almost flew off his handle there at how rude she was being, but he fought it down. After all, she had just recently been thinking she would get to see her sisters again.

"Alright. But I don't want to find her dead later."

Abel looked away, fists clenching.

"No promises"

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"You want any more coffee, Florian?"

"No thanks."

Dismal and low reply aside, Historia was beyond grateful that she had been able to get her sister up from her solitude on the couch to join the rest of them at the table. While none of her wounds were as deep as to be overly concerning, she still looking terrible, but the fact that she was now willing to do something other than remain by herself was heartening. The tone of breakfast in general seemed at least slightly less depressed, though Jean casting worried glances down the hallway every three seconds added a certain level of tension to it all.

Most everyone was up now, save for Mikasa, though it wasn't a great mystery where she had chosen to lay her head. The rocking of a weak bed frame against wooden floor as well as the moans and eventual screams that had come from behind the closed door had led everyone to know exactly what was happening. Ymir had needed restraining for minutes as she had wanted to burst into the room and confront Joe immediately, but Florian and Jean had talked her down, saying that if he really was dangerous, Mikasa would have been letting out different sorts of screams. Even after minutes of convincing, Historia still took it upon herself to watch her girlfriend until she had fallen asleep, not able to trust her from doing something rash.

"I, uh… someone should go wake her… them up."

Though he spoke it as some sort of assertive statement, Jean sounded just as much as though he was trying to convince himself as the rest of them. Ymir snorted into her mug of coffee, turning her gaze outside.

"Be my guest."

Her cold reply was to be expected, though it did nothing to help Jean's confidence in the situation.

"I… it's time we talked to him, I think."

"Oh, NOW it's time, okay… after he could have killed all of us in the night and gobbled our entrails, NOW it's time… "

Historia looked over at Ymir sternly as Jean swallowed.

"Ymir, stop it."

Shaking her head in a passive-aggressive way, Ymir continued to stare out the window, but said nothing.

"I know, Levi isn't back yet, but we've waited an awfully long time for us to have to… "

There came the familiar sound of wood creaking under foot and they all turned to look towards the hallway where the noise had come from. Mikasa, exuding a fresh aura of protectiveness and confidence, was coming from the bedroom, looking every bit the mess she should have after what she had partook in the night previous. Her clothes were on haphazardly, there was a slight stagger in her walk that could have meant any number of things, and her straight black hair only did so much by way of covering up how disheveled it had been hours prior. She made her way to the end of the hall and it was then that it became very obvious that Joe was behind her, and, for some reason, wasn't trying to hide.

He too looked as though he had experienced the ride of his life last night, though he walked with much more of a limp that likely originated from a further night back. Looking around at his abode with genuine curiosity, he still maintained a reserved state as he finally turned his gaze to look at all of them, speaking quietly, but with a familiarity in his voice that was impossible to miss.

"One cabin to the next, how bout that… don't suppose… "

It was then that he seemed to finally catch on to the fact that, not only had all eyes fallen upon him, but they also seemed to burn with different levels of anger or grief. His expression very quickly turned to one of concern.

"Is uh… everything… "

Ymir stood so quickly that her chair almost broke against the sink as it rocketed back into it. Joe's eyes widened and he stepped back as Mikasa reached behind her to ensure she remained between the both of them. She said nothing, but the silent challenge was passed from her eyes to Ymir as they stared each other down. Both women looked ready to fight to the death and Historia reached out gently and pulled Ymir down by the arm; she resisted a moment, before pulling her chair over and sitting slowly. Mikasa didn't move, but Joe's hand took her arm, though instead of trying to pull her aside, he seemed more to be assuring himself that she would be adequate cover for any attack launched at him. Sasha and Florian's eyes held the same furious heat that Ymir's did.

"Look, I get I still have plenty to explain, but I… "

Ymir rotated her head and raised an eyebrow at Mikasa.

"You… REALLY mean to tell me… "

Joe flicked his gaze between them.

"What?"

Raising her chin defiantly, Mikasa refused to blink.

"He doesn't remember."

He looked more distressed.

"Remember what?"

Ymir crossed her arms.

"You really believe that."

"I do."

"Believe WHAT?"

Ilse, then, who had been occupying a portion of the table, rolling around on the blanket Historia had lain out for her, rolling onto her back, looking at the newcomers upside down. Giving a short squeal, she rolling onto her stomach and groped with a tiny hand in Joe's direction. He swallowed at the sight and shifted his weight.

"Uh… hey, kid."

The baby broke into a fresh smile and slapped a hand gently against the table while making a jubilant noise; this seemed to off put Joe all the more, and, fighting down the fresh lump that had risen in her throat, Historia reached over and pulled Ilse back to her.

"Joe… maybe you'd better sit."

At that moment, that looked to be the furthest thing from his mind, the very idea when she spoke it gave him cause to take a step back.

"I… don't know if that seems like the greatest idea right now… "

She closed her eyes.

"Just sit."

The command in her voice was more aggressive than she had intended it to be, but it seemed to have the effect she wanted; Joe looked worriedly at Mikasa as though waiting for her approval and several seconds passed before she took his hand, and walked him to the table. Slowly, he sat between her and Historia, doing his best not to meet anyone's gaze. Ymir popped her neck while continuing to stare at him with doubtful eyes.

"Alright then, 'Joe'… "

She put heavy emphasis on his name and ignored the furious glare that Mikasa sent her way.

"What exactly DO you remember?"

He looked back at her carefully.

"From last night, you mean?"

"Yeah."

Scratching the back of his head, he looked as though he was genuinely trying to remember if anything else had truly happened.

"Um… after we… you know, left the cabin, we got snagged by a bunch of Kluxers… uh, one of em' dragged me off and kinda… you know…. "

Ymir raised her eyebrows.

"Fucked you in the ass."

Her bluntness led not just Mikasa, but Historia and Jean to send disapproving glares her way. Joe became very interested in the surface of the table.

"Yeah."

Ignoring the looks she had received, Ymir waved a hand dismissively.

"Alright, carry on."

He didn't look up.

"That's honestly about it. At some point I must've been knocked out, but the next thing I knew, I was awake here."

Confused and suspicious looks began to surface around the table, Ymir chief among them.

"Nothing in between. You don't remember anything that happened between then."

His eyes glazed over slightly.

"Some real bad dreams, but I couldn't be surprised about those."

Sasha and Ymir exchanged looks while Florian looked ready to either start crying again or stab Joe with the butter knife lying in front of her. Other than the livid glares she had fired, Mikasa remained stalwart in her expression, choosing not to add anything to the conversation; Jean on the other hand, looked like he wanted to say something very much, but had no idea how to say it. Looking up as inconspicuously as he could, Joe flicked his eyes between all of them while playing with his fingers.

"So uh… what's with all the looks? And… "

He seemed to have trouble forcing out the last bit.

"… where's everyone else?"

Ymir turned to regard him as though she didn't think it was worth telling him since he likely already knew. Jean looked around at the whole table before taking in a long breath.

"I suppose we… SHOULD tell you… "

He looked halfway towards Sasha.

"I can tell him if you'd rather not… "

She looked up swiftly and shook her head with more motion than anyone had seen her move with in what felt like forever.

"No. No, I can do it."

Joe seemed to be on the edge of his seat, but he kept silent; Sasha turned to look at him, and Historia saw a derision in her eyes that she was very unfamiliar with.

"Marco, Petra, Annie, and Frieda are dead."

Historia watched him very carefully as his face seemed to run the gambit of emotions, from disbelief, to shock, to grief and denial; his face held each of these emotions as passively as a face could, but they were obvious there nonetheless.

"You… they… "

He seemed to be desperately looking for words that didn't exist, while Sasha hadn't so much as blinked.

"Frieda died because of you."

Mikasa turned her head quickly, snapping as she did.

"Sash!"

Joe's brow furrowed at her.

"What?"

She blew a condescending breath out her nose and looked away. He leaned forward.

"What?!"

A single tear sliding down her face, Sasha spoke with almost inaudible softness.

"What the fuck ARE you, Joe… ?"

He rocketed to his feet, yanking his arm free of Mikasa's grip as she tried to pull him back.

"What are you TALKING about?!"

Ymir sighed and looked to him wearily.

"Sit down."

Joe looked at her in a moment of silent disbelief.

"Sit… did you… what… "

He pointed furiously at Sasha.

"DID YOU HEAR WHAT SHE… "

"I did, sit down."

If Joe hadn't been so confused, his anger may not have let him, but at the silent urging of Mikasa, who took his hand gently, he lowered himself back to his seat. His jaw worked furiously and he looked ready to knock the lights out of anyone who came at him with another accusation like that. Leaning back and breathing heavily, he jerked his chin at Ymir.

"Explain."

She blinked at him, and Historia closed her eyes as a smile spread across her girlfriend's face.

 _Don't do it like this._

"Explain? You want me to explain? Alright, Joe, well listen up, Ymir's got one hell of a story for YOU."

The mock playfulness in her tone was almost unbearable.

"It just so happens that, perhaps while you were getting rammed, perhaps at some other time, you decided to kill the man raping you and then proceed to kill every other Klansman you could get your hands on."

The fury began to slowly drain from his face.

"Shot em', gutted em', what have you, you killed almost all of em'. Then, the last one took Frieda and held her as hostage, while demanding you drop your weapons."

Ymir leaned forward, same false smile still perched carelessly on her face.

"Frieda looked at you and told you not to listen, and you know what, we all knew that the Joe we knew wouldn't hesitate to do whatever someone asked if it meant protecting the people he cared about."

Her voice cracked then suddenly.

"But you know what? You listened to her. You charged him and killed him, but before he died, he kept to his word and slit her throat."

Florian shook then, but as Historia looked to her sister, she saw there was only determination in her eyes, no tears. Joe seemed to have been knocked into a coma, staring unblinkingly down at the table, pale face somehow growing paler. Ymir paused before letting out a deliberate laugh.

"Oh, but you think it ends there? Oh, no, no, no, you see… THEN, once they were all dead, you started saying some fucked up stuff. How worthless and weak we all were, how stupid it was that you had ever thought we were worth anything, and… "

She looked Mikasa dead in the eyes who, for the first time, wasn't able to keep her gaze and looked away.

"… you tried to KILL Mikasa."

Historia prayed he would refute this, laugh at it, swear at Ymir for saying something so completely stupid, anything to confirm that he truly had no idea what she was talking about. But all he did was swallow and slowly turn his head to face Mikasa. She seemed unable to look at him.

"Did I?"

She chewed the inside of her mouth and flicked her eyes between every kitchen appliance she could see, but she did not answer him. Leaning towards her slightly, he put a hand weakly on her shoulder.

"Hey."

Ignoring him further, she turned her head, body resembling that of a statue; he swallowed, eyes growing wider with franticness.

"Hey!"

She turned to look at him then, and Historia was sure as she watched Mikasa's eyes flash, that she would deny everything. She knew that was what Ymir expected, and likely what everyone else expected.

But she didn't.

"You pointed a gun at me, said that 'Joe' would be better off without me, before Sasha came in and knocked you out."

Ymir raised a finger.

"You called her an arrogant cunt as well."

Historia swatted Ymir on the arm. Joe had leaned back by now, as though he was deeply contemplative of something.

"… did I… "

His calmness may have been the most depressing part about the situation. Ymir blinked at him in obvious surprise.

"Uh, yeah! You did, actually!"

He rocked back and forth in his chair before closing his eyes, rubbing his temples in what could have been plain annoyance.

"I see… "

Everyone was now regarding him with fresh anticipation and concern; this had not been the response that should have been issued. Historia, very slowly, picked up Ilse and held her close, watching Joe as attentively as she could. He finally leaned back, blinking several times.

"You said that I referred to 'Joe' as though from third person."

Mikasa nodded. He sighed.

"Alright."

He then slammed his feet against the wooden floor with enough force to fracture the arbor; everyone collectively recoiled, even Mikasa who was regarding Joe with the closest thing Historia had ever seen to plain fear.

"FUCK!"

Ilse began to cry quietly and Historia nestled her against her shoulder. Joe lowered his head and put his face in his hands, taking long deep breaths; gentle shakes indicated he was crying. For seconds, they watched him in silence before Florian spoke, voice weak.

"Joe… what's happened to you?"

He leaned back, sitting up straight, wet cheeks evident of his distress. Sniffing, he shook his head.

"It'll sound crazy."

Ymir narrowed her eyes.

"Try us."

Taking a deep, rattling sigh, he clenched his fists on his knees; despite everything, Historia watched Mikasa reach over and put a hand on his thigh.

"Dust."

Historia blinked in confusion along with the rest of them. Jean inclined his head.

"Dust."

Joe nodded, closing his eyes again.

"That's who he is. He comes out… mostly when I'm in bad shape. He says he'll take care of things for me. That he'll fix what I can't."

Sasha watched him, unblinking.

"Another personality."

He gave a weak laugh.

"I guess… but… he never seemed like part of me. He seemed like… someone… who didn't even belong ANYWHERE."

Ymir crossed her legs.

"If you wanted to, could you bring him out now?"

Joe shook his head.

"I've tried. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't, but now… after what you've said… I don't know if I ever want to see him again."

Historia felt more and more concern well inside her as the questions were answered and more sprung to mind.

"Is he… like you?"

Joe laughed, a genuine one.

"Hardly. He hates EVERYONE it seems… only cares about bettering my life, because that… in turn, betters his. He… has a much easier time killing, he… "

Clearly struggling with something, he rocked, looking like he was about to vomit.

"Two men killed someone I knew when I was… on my own. Someone I had gotten close to."

Florian looked up.

"… Mina… ?"

He nodded, a fresh tear leaking free.

"When she died, I was… in a bad way. Dust came to me then, said… said he'd take care of it. When I woke up the next day, he… he had killed… God, shit, he had killed a whole fucking family."

Florian gasped.

"I… in the paper, there was… the family get-together and all of them were killed?"

He looked away, nodding.

"The children as well?"

He nodded. Florian looked sick herself.

"That was… you?"

Joe jumped to his feet then, storming away towards the living room, raging furiously.

"NO, NO, NO, AREN'T YOU LISTENING?! IT'S NOT ME, IT'S HIM! I DIDN'T WANT TO KILL THEM ALL, I DIDN'T WANT TO HURT THEM THAT WAY, THEY… I COULDN'T… "

He almost collapsed, leaning against the window pane, fists against it. Florian was shaking with tears and Sasha pulled her into a hug. It grew very silent then, as everyone contemplated what they had heard, trying to grapple with what seemed to be impossible. Then, he spoke very quietly.

"I know… I don't have the right to ask this of any of you, but… I have to ask it anyway."

Ymir looked ready to spring to her feet.

"What?"

"If… if I ever get… like that, you all saw it."

"Yeah?"

He looked back, the first resolve Historia had seen that day breaking out on his face.

"Kill me. Don't try to reason with him… just kill me."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Levi had been following the footprints for far longer than he should have. He trusted Jean to at least try and maintain calm for a couple days, but any longer and he was worried he would return to a bloodbath.

 _As long as they have the sense to watch each other's backs…_

Quickly examining the cabin had been a rough chore. There had been no qualms about leaving the Klansmen to burn as he lit the place, but seeing the bodies of Marco and… Petra. That had been rougher than it should have been. Levi had shed no tears, but upon seeing Petra's lifeless stare, hours had passed before he realized he was still staring back. There had been something there, something between them, but never something that Levi had made an attempt to pursue. He had always questioned the idea of a relationship, wondering how that would ultimately affect the rest of his life, but he knew that things couldn't remain the way they were forever. He wished still that he had been granted one last chance to talk to her. There was much he wanted to say.

By nightfall, he had the entire place burning, the explosives would have been unnecessary and may have, however unlikely, attracted unwanted attention. Fire as well promoted a much better chance of eliminating evidence. The vehicles were disposed of and any sign that he, nor any of the others, had been there were erased to the best of his abilities. It had taken a long time, and he had saved a pair of night goggles, knowing he was unlikely to get much sleep, for there was still a good bit of work to be done.

He saw that a pair of fresh tire tracks left the area, and he wondered if those had belonged to Zeke and company. Sasha hadn't disclosed what had happened to anyone, so their fate was a mystery, but he hated to think that perhaps they had ran off when the going had become tough. Still, as he pushed the thought to the back of his mind, he always had considered Zeke a strange character.

The next step had been following Sasha's trail. It had been simple enough, but she had run quite the distance before he finally reached the clearing where it appeared she had finally taken a rest. There was blood, a good deal of it, against one of the trees, and he knew the injury didn't belong to Sasha, who had come to them, relatively unharmed. Indents in the snow where bodies had sat and laid were obvious, but he realized, with confusion, that two sets of footprints led in two different directions. Had she carried Annie this distance, and then they had split up? Deducing by foot size who was who, he followed the pair of footsteps that definitely didn't belong to Sasha.

They moved with a genuine deliberateness, though they stumbled on occasion. They seemed quite long to belong to Annie, but the snow could play tricks on size, and Levi wasn't ruling anything out. They never stopped, or reached anywhere where a rest had been taken, just kept trucking on through the trees in a very consistent direction. The tracking had taken most of the night, and by the break of dawn, he didn't know if he was any closer to finding a suspect for the tracks. When they finally led him to a shallow river as the sun had brought itself over the trees, he cursed. Finding the tracks from the other side may prove difficult, especially if whoever had been running had not had the desire to…

"Don't move."

The sound of a slide being pulled back argued that obeying the voice was a very good idea. Levi stared down in bewilderment.

 _Did I really just walk into that?_

But curiosity staved his self-frustration, as he wondered why someone would have gone to the trouble of setting a trap there alongside of the riverbank and who they had hoped to catch.

He also wondered who had just walked up behind him, because the voice definitely didn't belong to Annie.


	41. Chapter 41

Historia looked out the fogged window as Ilse rolled gently on her lap, trying to keep herself entertained with so little to do. Sasha and Florian sat on opposite sides of her, as though drawn to the innocent and carefree aura the baby seemed to emit, the both of them looking as content as wallpaper to sit there forever. Even after Joe's confession and the fact that he seemed to be in control of his own functions, nothing ultimately changed beyond the fact that, now, Ymir was more on edge than ever, and Mikasa was so completely changed by the fact that he was… alive. Compared to trying to take control and lead them like she had been doing for years, all she really seemed worried about was keeping her eyes on Joe as though if she so much as blinked, he would cease to exist.

 _Not like I can pretend I wouldn't act the same._

The baby chirped from her lap as it pulled at the collar of her shirt. She smiled down at it sadly and hoisted it over her shoulder, beginning to rock it gently. It hummed with each swell as she swung it back and forth; she felt Sasha's eyes watching the both of them. As she turned to look at her, the brunette swallowed and looked away quickly. Historia smiled again.

"You want to hold her?"

Sasha looked back just as quickly as she had looked away.

"Oh, I didn't… that's alright, I don't want to… you know, I was just… "

Florian looked over and let out a shaky laugh.

"Take a breath."

Historia stood, pleased to hear her sister laugh.

"Here, it's not hard. She may be a little heavier than you expect, but… "

Despite Sasha's sputtering protests, she pressed Ilse into her arms who, despite seeming somewhat put off by the change of scenery, looked up into the face of her new caretaker.

"Oh, man… hey there."

She gently put out a finger and Ilse snatched it almost immediately, squeezing with different levels of pressure; Sasha blinked in disbelief as though she couldn't believe she was holding a baby.

"It's… just so weird, you know? After everything that's happened, after all the horrible things we've seen, after everything we've lost… this kid still gives me hope."

Florian's voice sounded weak as she looked over, one eye still half swollen shut.

"That might be the most beautiful thing about her."

Sasha raised Ilse up to be framed by the grey pane of light.

"I think you might be right."

Historia looked at the both of them, so obviously looking for any sign of good left in what surely seemed like an unforgiving and cruel world. She doubted Sasha had ever said anything so profound, at least nothing she had heard, and it made her love Ilse all the more.

 _We will survive this. We'll escape this, and then… never again. Hange would… understand. We can't keep living like this and we can't keep pretending otherwise. There's nothing left to do but leave and… start over…_

"Starting over wouldn't nullify what we've already been through."

Blinking, she realized she had been thinking aloud. Sasha and Florian were both looking at her thoughtfully and sadly, but the voice hadn't come from either of them. Mikasa made her way around the couch and sat slowly in a seat, just a couple feet from the chilled window. Historia was somewhat surprised to see her not tagging behind Joe, but the surprise was a good one. Regardless of how she felt towards him, that much clinging could be dangerous.

Florian straightened and looked at the newest arrival reluctantly.

"Is he… ?"

Mikasa nodded, not bothering to meet her eyes.

"Fine. I'm having him lie down, he seemed… tired after breakfast."

Sasha half-sighed, half-snorted.

"I know I'd be."

She turned to look at her friend.

"Do you think he's… "

"Yes."

The brunette frowned.

"You don't even know what I was going to say."

"You were going to ask me if I thought he was telling the truth."

Sasha looked down at Ilse, wincing before letting the baby stick her finger in her tiny mouth.

"I actually wasn't."

Mikasa didn't say anything, and Historia knew that was as good a sign as any to keep talking.

"I was going to ask if you think he really can control it."

Looking over with no small amount of suspicious worry in her eyes, Mikasa leaned back in her seat.

"What do you mean?"

Swallowing, it became obvious that Sasha was worried about discussing it period, and Historia put a hand around her shoulder.

"I just… what he was like in the woods. He said that was something that he 'let out' sometimes. We don't know what that means and we sure as hell know it's dangerous."

She stroked her thumb along Ilse's cheek and the baby clenched its face as though it were about to sneeze.

"Maybe… that's not the first time we've seen that side of him. When he ran decoy for us at the border. When he killed two of Kenny's men. Stuff like that, stuff the Joe that I KNEW would never think about doing. Impulsive things, dangerous things, maybe that's been this 'Dust' all along."

Looking over at Mikasa, she bit her lower lip.

"How long has he been hiding this?"

Florian put her elbows on her knees and propped her head up.

"I know that's not something I would want getting out in the open."

Mikasa looked as though she had already made up her mind on the issue, but she gave a long pause before saying anything regardless.

"Whatever happened to him, whatever it may have been, I know that ultimately, that's Joe. No matter what mental issues may be ravaging him, I know that if it came down to it, he would never hurt me."

She massaged her palms against each other, clearly trying to speak sensitively.

"What happened… when Frieda… was killed. I can't explain it, and I certainly won't try and defend it. But he regrets it, whatever happened to him, he regrets it."

Florian rubbed her shoulder.

"He seemed more scared of it then WE were… "

Mikasa nodded.

"That's why I'm choosing to trust him. After what's happened, I know he's going to try everything in his power to keep… whatever that was under wraps. If he had been letting out more casually before, I'm sure those days are done. I'll keep watching him, but… I trust him."

No one had any immediate reply to this, and Historia looked to the floor, knowing what she had to say. It wouldn't help anything, but she needed Mikasa to know, especially because she didn't know if she'd ever be able to tell Joe.

"Mika… "

The raven-haired girl looked over; there was no challenge or aggression in her eyes, something that Historia had expected to see. Rather, there was something like… understanding. And that made saying it infinitely easier.

"I just need you to know… I can't forgive him."

She said nothing, but stared back with the same dark eyes, forever haunting; Historia noticed, with some reservation, that she was rubbing her stomach while she listened.

"It's not… that I don't love him, the way I did when he was with us. I will never have a relationship with anyone on this planet like I have with him. He's done so much for all of us, saved me more times than I can count… "

Historia froze.

 _Just say it._

"… fathered this child… "

Florian and Sasha both looked away, but Mikasa didn't even so much as blink as she rubbed her stomach again, listening silently.

"Maybe… he deserves to be forgiven for what he's done, but… I can't."

She looked down in finality, not believing that anymore needed to be said.

 _How can I tell her that? After she forgave me for sleeping with Joe, after Ymir forgave me for doing the same thing… how can I sit her and run my mouth about not being able to forgive him when…_

The memory hit her like a train.

" _Can you tell me what color this is?"_

" _Y… yellow."_

" _Not quite. Try again."_

" _Um… "_

 _Historia rocked in place, staring at the collage that Frieda had lain out for her. Colors were much harder for her than most other subjects her sisters had tried to teach her, and she knew that they should have been one of the easiest. She was frustrated, but more disappointed that she was letting down her older sister._

" _Is it… green?"_

 _Frieda's mouth turned into that brilliant smile that Historia so loved to see._

" _Right! See, you're getting it!"_

 _Frowning, Historia crossed her arms and looked at her feet._

" _Abel said she learned her colors in only ONE week… "_

 _Frieda took her shoulder._

" _Well, she's Abel and you're Historia. What's the fun in being what someone else is?"_

" _Oh."_

 _She had never thought about it that way._

" _What should I be then?"_

 _Fresh excitement over this new world of possibility hit her and she looked to her older sister, who appeared surprised at the question._

" _Well, you can be anything you want to be."_

 _Historia frowned again; this hadn't been the answer she was looking for._

" _But what SHOULD I be?"_

 _She had rarely come across an answer that so quickly stunned her sister, but it seemed to be doing just that. Frieda sat back and closed her eyes, adopting the look she always did when she was thinking hard._

" _I think… you should be what you WANT to be."_

Shaking her head slightly, Historia realized that Mikasa had stood across from her.

"Because he got your sister killed?"

She was barely able to whisper out a reply.

"Yes… "

Nodding, Mikasa walked around the couch, heading for the kitchen. She stopped as she drew up alongside it, and, to Historia's surprise, she put a hand on the blonde's shoulder and whispered back.

"I wouldn't either."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Wincing as the bathroom door behind him creaked with an awful din, Joe slunk as quietly as he could out of the room, flipping the light off behind him as he went. Mikasa had ordered him to bed in no uncertain terms, stating he looked to be dead on his feet and that it was only a matter of time before his gunshot wound started to really pain him. The tone of her voice suggested there were still a good many things that they needed to discuss, and he had joked that she just wanted him to be well-rested before she kicked his ass, but this only had earned a sharp glare. He had cursed the ill-timed joke, but his mouth had become more and more loose as they months had gone on, he had found.

 _Should probably get a gag on that, I can't believe it hasn't gotten me into more trouble than it already has._

Making his way down the hall to the last doorway where his small bedroom waited, the door across the way suddenly swung open. He had no time to determine who had been making to leave before they swiftly crossed the hallway and seized him by the upper arm, dragging him into his room. They pushed him against the far wall, roughly, but not enough to make a noise sizeable enough to warrant someone coming to snoop; the door swung shut behind them, almost coming to a complete close.

"Got a second?"

Ymir's eyes were flaming spheres that bored into his as he wet his lips.

"Apparently."

She didn't release him, but her grip loosened at least somewhat.

"All that stuff you said earlier, you really think that was gonna win everyone over?"

Sighing, Joe looked down at his feet, trying to adopt as peaceful a pose as he could; he knew this was coming from someone.

"Only one way I can spin the truth, Ymir."

A quiet laugh escaped into his ear, her breath warm and burning with the disgust he knew she felt.

"Truth, right."

There was nothing he could say to refute her disbelief for, ultimately, he had done nothing to earn back trust from anyone. And he knew that better than anyone.

She gave him a harsh shake.

"C'mon, you fucker, defend yourself. Don't just stand there like the passive bitch we all bought when you came to us all those months ago."

He scratched his head with his free hand.

"That's still me."

Another low laugh.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, listen. If you want to lie to all of us, that's fine. If you want to lie to yourself, that's fine. But for you to stand there and think that you DARE lie to Mikasa after you know how she feels… I can't even fathom how you can manage that, even stand yourself."

Looking down, not wanting to do anything to infuriate her past what she already was.

"I'm not lying. I won't lie to her again."

Ymir looked away, pressing her shoulder against his and leaning her forehead past him, against the wall. To an outsider, the touch would have seemed considerably intimate, but Joe felt only fear at it. She remained there as the seconds ticked by, and he tried to breath as slowly and quietly as he could; finally, she shook her head.

"I can't believe you. You are unreal, honestly."

She paused again.

"I wanted to kill you, you know. While you were in here asleep. I honestly might have if Mikasa hadn't been sitting in here like a fucking guard dog."

Chuckling, Joe inclined his head.

"No, you wouldn't have."

"What?"

The shock at his flat response was obvious in her voice; he should have shut up there, should have stopped talking altogether, but he just couldn't let that one go.

"I said, no, you wouldn't have."

Her grip tightened.

"Elaborate?"

"You probably see me as a threat to everyone, which I get. I'd probably see me as a threat too, but that's not why you're so pissed at me."

"Why else would I be?"

This time, he stifled the chuckle, though it came on much more strongly than the previous one.

"Don't be stupid, Ymir. You know my part in bringing that baby out there into existence. You know that it was hid for you for as long as it was me. And that's why you hate me."

Her voce was a vile hiss in his ear.

"Because you slept with my girlfriend?"

"No."

Joe's train of thought was getting dangerous, but there was no longer a point in hiding anything. He still was trying to come to terms with the fact that he may have indeed been the cause behind Krista… no, Historia's pregnancy. The fact of it seemed undeniable now, but he couldn't wrap his head around it, still. Nonetheless, he couldn't run from it anymore.

"You would have been furious with anyone for having slept with her; say if, oh I don't know, Sash or someone was the one who was blasted out of their mind instead of me, and went to bed with her. You would have been livid, but you would have gotten over it. Maybe not because you understand, but because you love her that much. But me… "

He turned to look at her.

"You hate me because I gave her the one, single thing you could never give her."

He screamed an internal curse at himself for saying something so brash. Though she said nothing, he could feel her anger swell tenfold and he waited with bated breath for her other arm to come back and smash him across the face. He deserved it, he had been running his mouth again, but nothing he said hadn't been truth. He heard Ymir take a single deep breath and he waited for her to shout.

"… before you go to sleep, I think you should take one of these, Jean says that they'll help with the… "

Mikasa's voice entered the realm of his audible perception and the door swung open, with her looking down at her feet. Her gaze lifted as she spoke before cutting off as she saw the situation before her. Nerves wracked at Joe's head as he watched her mouth slowly flatten into a serious line.

"Ymir, get away from him."

Ymir didn't even so much as turn to regard the most recent addition to the room's occupancy.

"Funny, I think I'm supposed to tell you that."

Ignoring the remark, Mikasa's eyes turned to Joe's and he saw the worry that flashed across them.

"Has she hurt you?"

Wanting to not let this get any more out of hand than it already had gotten, he shook his head urgently.

"No, no, no, everything's fine, she just wanted to talk for a second… "

 _Still a very bad liar._

She didn't seem to hear anything past his first 'no', and looked back to Ymir.

"I mean it, let him go."

"I don't know if that would be in everyone's best interests."

"It would be in yours."

For a long moment, Joe was sure that Ymir was not going to comply. Then, she released him violently and hit him with her shoulder, sending him falling back against the wall. Looking down at him, he stared back at the eyes that now burned with undisguised hate; he swallowed and waited patiently for a foot or a fist to crush his face, but she turned and walked to the door, where Mikasa took a step to the left to allow her to pass. She stopped as she was shoulder to shoulder with the slightly shorter girl, clearly with half a mind to start spraying obscenities. She settled on just one.

"You're fucking insane."

And she was out into the hall and around the corner. The very instant she had left the room, Mikasa had been at his side, helping him up and repeating her query if he had been damaged. Joe let her help him to the bed, but his mind was still racing as she lay him down and sat there, waiting for him to fall asleep.

It took him close to an hour to finally allow his mind to begin to drift off, as he let his thoughts rage. He had spoken the truth, hadn't he? He had been so sure of it at the time, but now, it seemed so heartlessly untrue; he never came to a conclusion if what he said had been fact or not, but the one conclusion that did come, and one that let a tear leak from his closed eye that Mikasa wiped away, was that he was fairly sure he had never said anything so cruel in his life.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Ymir had nearly found herself running back to civilization after her brief exchange with Joe. Just running had seemed so appealing at the time, taking off and leaving every problem she was akin to behind. It was a stupid desire, but she had let herself think about it for a good long while; it had done her raging mind some good.

How fucking dare he? There was nothing that she had done to warrant such vile words on his part; maybe he was just fed up with being treated like an outlaw, but he should have been well aware of the necessity of it. Regardless, for him to say that… she was amazed at her own self-restraint for not beating his weakened ass to death.

She had seen Historia, Sasha and Florian on the couch playing with Ilse, the closest thing to smiles she had seen on any of their faces in the past few days and she chose to not join them. There was no point in dragging them down with her, especially when they seemed in as high spirits as they were. Ymir instead, went into her room, the quiet of which was thrown off horribly by the roaring in her ears. She had stomped around for minutes, looking for something to hit without creating a racket and had settled on hitting herself in the abs and chest as many times as she could endure. After an hour passed and she dropped to her bed, gasping and wincing, she felt along her arms.

The scars were still there, long and white, reminding her of a time so recently that felt like so long ago. A time where she had blamed herself for everything that had happened to Historia and the baby, and a time where the pain had been her only respite. It was then, she realized that she no longer felt the blame. Well… she did, but it was directed towards a very different person. The relief for not bearing the blame felt tremendous, and she allowed herself a smile.

The hate felt wonderful.

"… Ymir?"

She lifted her head to see Historia easing her way into the room.

"Did you have any dinner?"

 _Dinner?_

What time was it?

"Is… what time is… "

The blonde rubbed her shoulders.

"Late. Mikasa said that… you didn't want to be bothered, so I didn't come get you when Sash put dinner on… "

 _Oh, she did, did she._

The hate again.

"That's fine, I wasn't hungry anyway."

"Okay."

Historia closed the door behind her.

"Florian said she would watch Ilse tonight if that was alright, I hesitated at first, but it'll be nice to have a night where I won't need to get up. And I do trust her."

She phrased the last sentence somewhat aggressively and Ymir wondered if there was more intent behind it.

"Okay."

Hitting the light switch as she crossed the room, Historia stretched, her frame outlined in the pane of the window. Ymir felt her heart miss a beat.

"I hope Levi's alright. He said he could be a couple days, but… I don't like the idea of us having to be on the run without him."

Hearing, but not listening, Ymir watched her undress as she spoke nervously.

"Jean seems… better than he used to be, but I can tell… we ALL can… that he's just trying to make everyone think he's in charge. That he knows what he's doing."

The top fell away, and Ymir saw the outline of her breasts in the dim light beyond. Her midsection gave a rush.

"I don't know… I'm probably overthinking this, but… "

Historia shook her head as she freed her ponytail, the blonde hair whipping around her.

"I just want to feel safe again, it feels like just all the time, we're… "

Ymir sat up in bed and took her by the arm.

"Ymir… ?"

She pulled Historia roughly to the bed and climbed on top of her, ignoring all the warning signs her conscious was blaring at her.

"What're you… ah… "

Bringing her lips against the blonde's neck, she worked her thigh between Historia's thighs, relishing in the short moans she was starting to hear. Her fingers went around to remove the bra, that piece of clothing that was so inhibiting of her progress; as she tossed it aside and moved her hands, her girlfriend took her by the shoulders, breathing heavily already.

"Stop, stop, we can't do this here… "

Ymir looked up.

"You mean to tell me you didn't hear the show Mikasa and Joe put on last night?"

"Yes, but that doesn't give us the right to… "

She bit down on Historia's right breast and listened to the gasp she heard at her roughness.

"Ymir… please… "

The begging could not have turned her on more, and she shoved her free hand into the blonde's underwear; she didn't waste time, and immediately began to work her fingers as quickly as she could. Historia's hips began to rotate and quiver at her touch as she groaned through her teeth.

 _The one thing I couldn't give her, huh?_

Maybe he was right. Maybe the fucker was right, but that didn't matter. It didn't.

Raising her head from sucking on her nipple, Ymir glared through the darkness.

"I want to hear you moan."

Historia paused, chest heaving.

"Okay."

And Ymir returned to work, lowering her head to Historia's sex, doing everything in her power to make the blonde feel like she never had before. Her girlfriend kept her word, moaning and verbally encouraging Ymir in ways that brought her left hand into her own pants, masturbating as she pleasured all that she could reach. She forgot about Joe, forgot about what he had said, forgot about Mikasa, the stubborn bitch she had become. None of that mattered tonight, and as Historia loudly moaned her name, running fingers through her hair, Ymir forgot about the world.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

 **AN: Just a heads up, this will be the last update for about two weeks. I'm taking long-desired vacation that will surely do me well, but will put me outside of Wi-Fi access to the best of my knowledge. I will be able to continue writing as far as I know, so when I return, chapter will begin going up as usual, but didn't want anyone fretting over the next couple weeks. If, by some miracle, I come across some Wi-Fi point in my travels, I will update, but the likelihood of that is limited… thanks for your patience regardless, this story will continue as soon as it's able.**


	42. Chapter 42

The morning was colder and brighter than the last, dew dripping from leafless branches where the sun pierced through them, the ice and frost remaining where it didn't. Birds had been singing since before the sun had even risen, which took a good deal longer than it normally would, given the time of year; the later hours of the morning rolled by as the glowing orb dipped through the trees, showering the cabin with brilliant, blinding light. The sight of it along the trees and the snow would have been one to savor and relax in the splendor of, were it not for the stressful situation of the day.

 _Seriously, this cannot be a good idea._

Hardly ever, in the months he had known her and been with her, Joe had rarely disagreed with Mikasa on anything, but now, he felt as though this was something that he couldn't pretend like he thought it to be a wise course of action.

Levi still had not returned from his outing, and that had meant that what he had told Jean before setting out had come into play. His instructions had been to pack up and begin journeying west if he had not come back by then, where they would hit a road that would take them to a small town that would then be able to be a stopping point before heading home, if they deemed that was wise. Jean had relayed that to them all over breakfast and Mikasa, who had come out of whatever slump had been occupying her mind over the past week, had stepped up and said that they needed to stick to that plan.

Discussion had been swift and heated; Jean and Historia were very adamant that this was the best course of action, while Ymir, Sasha, and Florian protested by argument that it was too dangerous to get moving immediately, what with the still looming danger and the state of them all. While Florian insisted that her condition was nothing preventing her from hiking out of there, one need only see the way she walked around the cabin to know that was a lie; her violators had done quite a number. She pointed at Joe much more vehemently, who shrunk back, trying to stay unnoticed as he could. It was true his gunshot wound hadn't gotten better, in fact it may have worsened; the painkillers Mikasa was obsessively making sure he swallowed helped, but he was sure that there wasn't a lot of time before it became a genuine problem, and truly worsened.

 _Of everyone, I'm worried least about me… I expect that's a common sentiment across the board, though._

Levi's orders had ultimately taken precedence, if only because none of the three in favor of opposing it had a ready plan to go with instead. Something needed to be done regardless, as food was growing severely short; suggestions to have one or two people run for supplies were quickly shut down for the same reasons, citing danger and risk across the board. Mikasa had then begun to whip the members of the cabin to work, setting jobs packing, loading guns, and covering their tracks. Joe had looked to her for something helpful to do, but she had instructed him to stay out of the way and rest. The look she had given him afterwards almost seemed to ask him to challenge her, but he didn't, simply shambled his way to the door and walked out onto the small porch, looking out at the morning.

 _I'm not useless… and I'm not dangerous._

He grit his teeth as he considered the latter.

 _I'm NOT. I have him under control, I haven't seen him since two mornings ago, I'm NOT dangerous, I'm not, I'm not, I'm…_

"You look tired."

Opening his eyes which had involuntarily closed while he was thinking, Joe turned to see Sasha, closing the door as silently as she had opened it.

"Can't remember the last time I had a good night's sleep."

"I feel that."

He felt himself growing passively defensive as she walked up next to him; she leaned over the wooden railing and let a long breath out as steam over the soft blue morning sky. Her tight, ripped jeans and V-neck hoodie didn't seem to do the job she would have preferred them to, and she gave a heavy shiver.

"What the hell are you doing out here?"

"Boss ordered me to stay out of the way and relax."

Her brow furrowed as she looked at him; her eyes were just as tired as he felt.

"You're not even wearing a jacket for Christ's sake."

He simply shrugged at the motherly comment, crossing his arms. Honestly, he didn't feel cold, mostly dirty and heated, the latter much more so; he and Sasha had not had a positive encounter since his return, and he didn't trust for a moment that she had come out for the sole purpose of making small talk. Watching her out of the corner of his eye, he rocked on his feet, trying to find some words to provoke out of her what she wanted to say. He found himself wishing he had settled on something better as he spoke after almost a minute of silence.

"Surprised you didn't come out with a knife to slit my throat."

She closed her eyes and shook her head, obviously not getting a single ounce of amusement out of his dark humor; he cursed himself.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have… "

"Joe."

Cutting him off as briskly as the air they stood in, he quieted himself. She made no immediate follow up and he found himself almost reveling in the quiet that fell. He had partaken in more one on one time with Sasha then probably any of the others, save for Mikasa, with Ilse being a close third before he had taken his leave that fateful day. Hange had sent the two of them on plenty of two person assignments, they had hung out outside of work for coffee and whatnot more than once, and it had been a friendship that he realized he had never taken the time to appreciate. It had hurt when she had tried to attack him at the last cabin, and it had hurt even more when she had uttered those words at breakfast the previous day. But he wasn't going to pretend he didn't deserve it, and he even further had no intention of trying to make things right when he knew damn well that wasn't possible.

"Do you… know what it was like without you?"

He looked over to see Sasha shaking her head again.

"Course you don't. You couldn't know what you were to us unless you were on the outside looking in, which you weren't."

Not wanting to interrupt her by any means, he put his hands in his pockets. She smiled softly, her eyes clouding.

"You weren't someone… essential. Not by way of work anyway."

It hadn't seemed like an insult, and he didn't take it as one.

"Any fast, capable person we could have hired on could have done the job you did, even if you were freakishly fast with a pistol. But… "

She gave a hard swallow.

"Being able to work with you wasn't the reason I tried to kill myself after you… died."

Joe's breath caught in his throat as he felt his ribs seem to close around his heart.

"Sash, please tell me you didn't… "

She gave a harsh nod without looking at him.

"I did. Ilse and Annie were there and I was… out of sorts. Didn't cut my wrists right and… that was that."

Trying not to lose control of his breathing, which he felt was something very likely to happen, Joe sat on the bench that was a part of the outer wall of the shack, rubbing his shaking hands on his knees.

"I never meant for that to be so much pain for any of you, I didn't, I didn't, I just was trying to… "

"I know, Joe. But, believe it or not, that didn't somehow make it magically easier, for any of us."

She gave a weary chuckle.

"I can't even imagine what it was like for… Historia, thinking of what the both of you had done, and then you were just… gone."

She seemed to ponder the thought for several more seconds before dropping down next to him.

"I couldn't forgive myself for the part I played in that."

Joe looked up at her angrily.

"You told me the TRUTH, you were the only person willing to do that."

"And I thought that you had died because of a decision that I made."

He choked on his response.

"You… I did what I thought I had to."

Sasha nodded wearily, stopping with her words for several seconds.

"The day I tried to kill myself… Ilse was there. I… I hugged her and I made her promise not to… go anywhere. To not leave me like… the way that… "

Tears sprung swiftly into her eyes and her lower lip quivered.

"Oh God… she's gone, Joe. I can never… tell her how much she meant to me, how much she meant to everyone, what she did for all of us, it just… it was so fast, she was there and then… "

There was little Joe wanted to do more than reach out and pull her to him as she shivered and shook, words spilling from her mouth like a faucet. But he didn't know what she thought of him now, and perhaps all he was to her presently was a person to whom she could get this off her chest onto; for all he knew, she still wanted to wring his neck. He settled on some words that he knew were true, but would likely provide little comfort due to their cliché nature.

"She knew all that, no one needed to tell her how important she was. She knew that."

Sasha pressed a tight fist against her forehead, clenching her face in pain.

"I just… I can't believe that… "

She gave a single, brief shake, then straightened.

"That's why I tried it, Joe, killing myself. Because of what you brought out in all of us, the same way Ilse did. You were similar to her like that, but different. You gave us all… something. It was something else for everyone, but every one of those things meant so much."

A longing smile crossed her face.

"You made me learn that there were different ways to love people. Friends. Those close to you. I… could never repay you for something like that."

She laid her head against the wood of the cabin and shook it.

"I don't know where we go from here, I really don't. It all just… can't fall apart like this. But it is."

Joe raised a hand to put on her shoulder, but pulled it back after hovering for several seconds.

 _Don't assume you have the right to do that._

"It's not… like the end of the world, Sash. We have ways to get out of this, we've survived this long, haven't we? I'm sure Levi just had to leave by a different way, he found something he had to take care of, he'll be back in town as soon as we're there. We'll find him and… "

It occurred to him then of a not only possible solution, but one so possible that he didn't know how he hadn't thought of it already, or how no one in the cabin had brought it up; rocketing to his feet, he felt elation rush through his gut and his heart started to beat against his throat.

"Hange! If anyone can sort this shit out, she can! Shit, I bet she's worried sick about everyone and will be dying to… "

"Joe, stop it… "

"What?! That's EXACTLY what we need for a situation like this!"

"PLEASE, stop… "

He frowned at her in confusion; despite the slight craze that always seemed to hide just behind her eyes, no one Joe had ever met had been able to work a situation out of a tight squeeze better than Hange Zoe. Having trusted his life to her plans more than once, he had always known her to come out on top, regardless of any kind of setback. He simply couldn't fathom why Sasha was looking at him now, shaking her head, eyes pleading.

"Are you kidding me?! She can fix this, she can fix ANYTHING… "

"JOE!"

She was on her feet then, and he stopped rambling, excitement catching in his chest as he stared back at her now-furious stare.

"She… Hange can't… she can't help us."

He dragged his tongue against his upper teeth almost to the point where it cut.

"What do you mean?"

Dropping back down, Sasha stared at the frost-covered snow, looking wounded and regretful.

"After you… the whole thing at the hospital, when you ran off again… Kenny caught up to us. Found us at the wreck and used it as grounds to arrest us."

Sitting slowly as well, Joe began to realize where this might be going as much as he hated the idea of it.

"They put us in lockup for the night, but… some guy, some deputy named Erwin… "

The name hit Joe with immediate recognition and he thought briefly to his conversation with the man that had seemed like a lifetime ago.

"He got us out, but… in order to dismiss the charges against the rest of us… someone had to stay. Behind."

Letting out a long, pained sound that was both a moan and a sigh.

"No… "

Despite his closed eyes, he knew Sasha was looking at him.

"She stayed for us! For US! We all offered… in some capacity to stay instead, you're right, we NEED her… but, she wouldn't let us and now… now… "

Her voice wobbled and Joe didn't need her to finish. His mind had already begun concocting scenarios that would have come after Hange went back behind bars. He could picture Kenny destroying her records, and throwing her down some hole out in the country or in a basement in some state-owned building where God only knew what was being done to her. It had been days now, weeks even? He had lost track and who knew how many of those minutes of hours of days Hange would surely be spending in ceaseless, agonizing…

 _Is she even still alive?_

He moaned again.

"Fuck… "

Sasha had no words for that, and they both leaned backwards in their collective pain. It was such an irreparable situation it seemed, there just didn't appear there was any way they could come out of this on top. Had Kenny won, truly, after everything that had passed between them and him? It didn't seem fair.

But Joe knew that he couldn't pretend like they were the protagonists of some deluded story; they were all killers, liars, criminals to say the least. They had been trading illegal drugs for months and been making absurd amounts of money doing it. Along the way, there wasn't any way to truly believe they deserved to have a happy ending, any of them. Perhaps some deserved it more than others, but they all were dirty in this business, they had all sinned. Kenny had simply come out on top.

 _Damn it all._

They hadn't perhaps made the friends they should have or covered their tracks in such a way where they could. In the end, this was where they belonged, in pain for the pain they had caused others.

 _But still…_

It was easy for Joe to condemn himself, but doing it to the rest of them seemed so condescending. He glanced over at Sasha who still seemed gripped with pain and loss, and he found himself hating himself for the idea of saying she deserved any of what they were being dealt.

 _She's a better person than me, she deserves BETTER than I do, a life, some peace of mind, something…_

And her body and face relaxed then as though she had been graced by some unknown splendor that removed the grief from her body.

"Since that day when you… you know… I started doing things I regret now. I started making off with product from the warehouses, I started abusing it and everything else I could get my hands on, I… "

She rubbed her temples and Joe blinked in surprise at her sudden change of topic. The differing subject didn't evaporate any of the pain, it only added to the growing weight of it as he listened with growing agony to her confession.

"It seems so stupid now… I even started stripping at some of the lower key clubs."

Leaning back, Joe groaned.

"Sash, why… "

She punched him in the shoulder, hard enough to hurt, but not hard enough to send him to the ground.

"You know why, asshole, I already told you. I blamed myself. And that guilt started to drive me crazy. I was willing to do anything to distract myself from it, but… "

Tears slid down her cheeks, quickly in the frigid air.

"Annie found me one night in the backroom. I had just finished a dance and… we argued, got angry, and she said that… I was doing what I was doing… to punish myself."

Finally, she looked at him, the eyes that he had always remembered as being so alive and so upbeat now ripe with a tremendous agony that Joe wasn't even sure if he could put his finger on.

"She was right, she was damn right. I was hurting myself, not distracting myself. I wanted to do anything, hurt myself, drug myself, humiliate myself, do ANYTHING to make me hurt for… what I thought I did to you."

Joe leaned forward, eyes on the ground, the frostbitten wood blinking up gently in the sun.

"Sasha… I am… SO sorry that you thought… "

She growled then, yelling and hitting him repeatedly.

"No, no, no, NO, don't you GET IT?! THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO… THAT'S NOT… "

Her blows dropped to being very weak and her whole body slumped as she shook with a single, pained sob.

"You're supposed to… supposed to say that… "

Closing her eyes again, she rubbed her knees.

"You don't get to be sorry, Joe. I mean, you do, but… that's not can change… that's not GOOD enough… I'm sure you're sorry. I'd be amazed if you weren't, but… "

She let out a long breath, some of her loose hair tossed forward as she did.

"I'm thankful that you're sorry. I don't know if I can accept it as an apology, at least not now… but… Joe?"

As she said his name, quietly, painfully, he rotated his head to look back at her. She seemed to be trying very hard to come to some sort of conclusion.

"You can't just be sorry. You're back. You're alive. Whatever shit Ymir or whoever gives you for that, that's the way it is. But I don't… you can never make up for what you did."

He had known this for months, but hearing someone else say it was a different stab in his gut altogether.

"I… I know… "

Then, to his surprise, she took his chin and looked into his eyes. Hers were bright and shining, and he found himself almost getting caught up in how beautiful they were. And how much they pressed upon him that she was right.

"But you can do damn near everything else. You can try."

He swallowed.

"I will."

Her hand moved and put itself on his shoulder; her eyes turned down and it was as though she was trying very hard to say something as her lower jaw quivered.

"I love you, you son of a bitch."

He moved his arm around his front to clasp his hand over hers.

"I love you too, Sasha. Never stopped."

She nodded gently and slowly, looking deep in thought. Birds whistled tunes far too merry as he barely dared to move; then, she leapt to him, wrapping her arms around him and burying her face in his chest, head under his chin. She said nothing, but began to cry, audibly and freely, and Joe let her shake against his body as his arms moved to hold her. He placed his face against her head, taking in a breath of her somewhat messy hair, relishing in the familiar smell it allowed him to remember.

 _I have to._

Beginning to cry too, he shook with her, holding her as tightly as he had ever held anyone and she squeezed him back as though afraid of letting go. They cried for Ilse, for Annie, for everyone they had lost and may have lost. They cried for fear of the future and what fresh hell may await any of them. Joe let his tears fall into her hair, surprised how good it felt to just cry. He thought to a simpler time, to when he would awake crying from a nightmare as a child and listening to his mother whisper of peaceful places, of lakes with still water, of beaches that went on forever, as he hiccupped in sobs that lessened as her words lured him back to sleep.

 _I can never have those days back. Nothing close._

He had given it all up for this, for what many may have considered one of the worst places a human being could find themselves. But as he held Sasha and listened to her sob and felt her shake, he realized that he wouldn't retrace a single step if he had been able.

That fact made him cry the hardest.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Ymir punched the backpack she had thrown together into a shape that was more appealing from the perspective that she would have to carry it. It was poorly organized, clothes, supplies, and miscellaneous items had been tossed in with reckless abandon, but if it was a pain against her back while they walked, she couldn't have cared less. She was too furious to think about anything so petty.

 _I cannot believe this. We're just going to wander out of here into God knows what, could be dangerous as hell, could be even worse than out here…_

She knew this wasn't something they could keep up for much longer. Historia needed more than the meager rations everyone was similarly dealing with, and the baby was no different, there was no need to wonder why the blonde had so fervently insisted they pack up and leave.

 _But… her…_

It was foolish, but Ymir was having a good deal of trouble trying to keep her anger towards Mikasa at bay. They had never been seriously at odds as long as she had known her, but ever since the hospital, it was clear that the both of them were dealing with animosity. For her to have spent so much time moping and keeping to herself at the last cabin to suddenly now try and assume leadership over them all after spending so much time appearing mentally unhinged was driving Ymir crazy.

 _Two days, TWO DAYS she's done nothing but sit in his room and watch over him like the obsessed freak she is… and now, she just comes out and starts commanding us around like little Nazis…_

It wasn't like the old days, back when she had acted as proxy for Hange on every outing they had been on, because the situation had always been very different. Now… Ymir was having a lot of trouble keeping herself from raging with indignation.

 _I've tried for the last couple days to keep everything and everyone from falling apart, and I succeeded… no one ran off, no one tried anything stupid, and now everyone just ignores that and lets HER boss them around._

Growling, she resisted the urge to punch a hole in the wall as she dragged her pack from the bed.

"Fuckin' BITCH!"

"Ymir?"

The last voice she had been hoping to hear sounded behind her and she straightened; there was no need to turn around, she could already picture Mikasa standing behind her in the doorway, arms crossed, with that controlling, upstanding expression that none of them had seen in weeks. It was unlikely that she didn't know the curse was aimed at her, but she didn't seem in the mood to let it start anything.

"Soon as your packing's done, leave it by the front door. I'd like you to watch the east side of the cabin towards the trees, then, if you're up to it."

 _If I'm up to it…_

The last part was said almost to the point of being unacceptably condescending and only by biting her tongue nearly to the point of bleeding did Ymir keep herself from turning and snapping furiously.

"Got it."

Footsteps retreated from her doorway and she grabbed her jacket from a makeshift hook on the wall, balling it up and whipping it at the bed angrily.

 _If I'm up to it, what the fuck are you trying to say, who the fuck are you to ask if anyone's up to ANYTHING, you stupid fucking…_

"Ymir?"

A voice she welcomed so much more came then and she nearly sighed with relief. Historia's voice was enough to drown her annoyance and aggression almost completely, at least for the single second she was able to focus on it.

"Yeah?"

Turning, she saw her girlfriend in the doorway, looking anxious.

"Are you almost ready?"

"Yeah, yeah, just… got to be sure everything's as it should be, you know."

It was a very strange way of saying 'just finishing', but Historia didn't question it. She shifted her balance, something just out of sight behind her back, looking as though there was something just on the tip of her tongue. Remembering what she had told her earlier, Ymir pointed at her with a raised eyebrow.

"You're not carrying too much now, right?"

"Yes… I mean, no, not too much. I just… "

She bit down on her lip and looked down; Ymir felt a heated chill roll up her spine and she narrowed her eyes.

"What's wrong?"

Historia looked up with surprise.

"Wrong? Nothing's… "

"Did Mikasa ask you to do something?"

"No, she… "

"What's that bitch trying to make you… "

"YMIR!"

She froze in her talking as her name was shouted back to her; Historia was glaring up at her, free fist clenched.

"What's your deal with her?! All she's doing is trying to keep this going as smoothly as she can manage… "

 _What, and everything I did while she locked herself in a room with Joe doesn't mean a fucking…_

"… since you're not the one doing it anymore."

Ymir felt surprise cut through her aggressive and hateful emotions as confusedly as anything could. She blinked back at Historia smiled tiredly back at her.

"Don't think what you did for those days wasn't noticed. You kept this place together. You did it quietly, without making a big deal out of it."

She stepped into the room putting a hand on Ymir's chest and pushing her back.

"You watched all of us without a word, making sure that no one did something out of line. I saw it, even if no one else did."

Laying her head against Ymir's breast, she gave a long sigh.

"Thank you, Ymir."

The three words somehow defused so much anger, that Ymir felt fresh anger running back in. How could something so simple diminish her hate by such a proportion?

Historia backed away then, moving her hand out of hiding from behind her back.

"Actually, I swung in because, well… "

Her hesitation finally led to her hand raising and giving Ymir what seemed to be a badly ravaged rucksack.

"When we were going through what gear Levi had stashed here, Mikasa pulled me aside and said she didn't want me carrying anything heavy or too much of anything in general. She said she was worried because it still hasn't been long since childbirth and even though I seem to be fine, walking to somewhere where we'll have access to a car again could be wearing on me. So… "

She shrugged.

"She said she was worried about me carrying Ilse in case… in case I pass out or anything."

 _Is she fucking serious… telling her something like that?_

"She can't just tell you that you can't carry your own baby, Historia."

The blonde looked up with nervousness in her eyes, but there was fight behind that.

"She didn't say that. She just… was worried about me."

"She's being a control freak."

"Just… look, it's fine if you don't want to, but… she's right. I don't want to risk anything happening to Ilse in case I'm not as healthy as I feel. So… I sort of made this earlier today while everyone was packing."

Ymir took the rucksack and looked down at it. Holes had been cut at the bottom and the pockets along the sides had also been sliced out, leaving similar holes where they had once been. The straps had been overly fastened, making the rucksack physically smaller by way of what it was able to carry.

"What exactly am I supposed to… "

And then it struck her what she was looking at.

"This is, uh… a, uh… "

Historia was looking more than just nervous then, almost… scared. As though she had been spending months deciding on and picking out the perfect birthday present and was anxiously awaiting the verdict on whether or not it had been well received.

"This is, a uh… makeshift baby carrier."

Nodding fervently as though worried the meaning would be lost if she didn't, Historia looked up at her, eyes wide. Ymir rotated her lower jaw slowly as she wrapped her head around the concept.

"Like… I, I put it on my front right, and carry the baby in front of me… "

"Yeah, yeah."

"Like a reverse backpack of sorts… "

"Yeah. I know it seems… well, kind of crazy, but I tested it and it works, so I just thought if you were okay with it, then maybe we… "

This was as far as Historia got before Ymir began to laugh, turning her head upwards as humor gripped her tightly. Something about it led her amusement to be more than anything she could have imagined it being, though as she leaned forward and saw the hurt expression on the blonde's face, she immediately pulled in breath to correct what could have been seen as rude.

"I fucking love it, babe."

Pulling her head back as though thoroughly amazed by the response, a smile began to slowly spread across Historia's face.

"Really?"

Ymir nodded, letting out a chuckle and taking her girlfriend around the shoulder.

"I can't believe you would have thought to do this as opposed to just ask me or Sash or whoever to just carry her… "

"Well, I didn't want her to be a burden in case the use of both arms was required, so I just sort of tried… to improvise."

"Yes you did."

Ymir looked down at the rucksack-turned-carrier and found herself unable to wipe the smile from her face. Even as the torrent of pain for all the loss they had suffered came rushing back to crash against her heart, she found solace in the fact that so small a thing, so small a gesture had given her cause to laugh, and forget, even for a second, that what she had been trying to put behind her.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Mikasa looked over Historia and Florian as the two blondes stood before her with Sasha at her side. Jean was standing a ways behind her, keeping a careful eye on the woods they were about to reenter; she trusted his sensibility to act smartly the most out of any of them presently, and the fact that he hadn't once made any sort of flirtatious or praising comment towards her spoke either to the leaps and bounds he had made in maturity or the respect he ultimately had for the situation.

It may have been both.

"All clear."

His voice was low, but carried enough for her to hear and she nodded, presuming he was looking at her. She returned her attention to Florian and Historia, the two she was worried about the most, save for the obvious. Historia seemed to be doing as well as could be expected for someone who had so recently given birth and had been witness to what they had all seen, but Mikasa still fretted over her reliability in regards to making the hike. She was taking no chances and was taking every precaution against something like her fainting or worse.

Crossing over, she reached out with a hand; Historia looked at it in confusion for a moment before sighing and giving Mikasa a look that made her nostalgic for high school, that huffy, annoyed look that she had seen so many times.

"Seriously, Mika?"

She didn't need to say anything as she knew her purpose would click for Historia and, after a moment, the blonde sighed and relented, pulling her pack from over her shoulder and handing it over. Mikasa lifted it up and down a moment; it was heavier than she would have liked, but then again, anything would have been. She returned it with a nod.

"If you start to feel… light in the head, fuzzy, tired, you tell me immediately. I have no problem stopping for as long as you need, if we wind up having to stay a night in the woods, so be it."

She knew that her she may have come across as over-caring which translated as Historia gently rolled her eyes, but as they finished rolling and Mikasa saw the genuine thankfulness beyond, she knew that her meaning wasn't in question.

"Thanks."

Returning the smile she had received, she stepped to the side, positioning herself in front of Florian. The taller blonde straightened almost immediately, long hair tossed aside as she adopted a steely gaze. Mikasa felt a pang of regret for the girl for having to be caught up in all this, even more so for what she had needed to endure, as she lowered her voice.

"You don't need to act tough around us. Most all of us have gone through bad shit like this before."

"I'm not going to slow us down."

"That's not what this is about. If we need to cut our pace, or stop completely, we will. No one is getting neglected or left behind, we aren't risking any of that."

Florian took in a long breath and lifted her chin.

"I can keep up with any of you."

Mikasa opened her mouth to keep arguing, but realized it would do them no good. Florian wasn't going to relent, the only thing that would cause her to admit her present weakness was if it actually burdened her to the point of slowed walking or immobility; Mikasa had no idea the pain she was feeling for while she had been raped as well, the extent to which Florian had been violated had seemed worse, at least when considering the way she tried to play off how she limped everywhere.

"Okay. But if you need… "

"I won't."

Nodding, she turned away and walked back to stand beside Sasha, who shifted her footing to whisper in her ear.

"You think they'll both be good? It's a long trek."

Mikasa made sure that the other two were out of earshot and appeared not to be paying attention before giving her low response back.

"I hope so. I didn't tell them, but we can't afford to stop for long or even be that slow. We are pretty out of things to feed that kid and Joe… "

She looked back almost involuntarily towards the cabin where Joe was still packing.

"I don't know how long he can go without actual medical attention."

Sasha followed her gaze, looking more uncomfortable than concerned, something Mikasa duly noted.

"The painkillers still working for him?"

"They seem to be, but averting the pain is only for him in the now. I can't let that get any worse than its surely gotten, not anymore."

"Hmm… I wouldn't think working him like a fucking horse every night is that good for a body trying to recover."

Mikasa almost snapped back a reply before it struck her that Sasha had made the first joke she could recall her making in forever. She looked over to see the smile playing on Sasha's face while she had the ghost of a smile still playing at her cheeks while her eyes danced with the humor that had inspired her. It hit her then how much she had missed her and Ilse's jabbing and underhanded joking, even if it had gotten a little wearing at times.

"I… don't think that will make that much of a difference, I don't let him move much."

"Oh no, must be a hell of hip workout, huh?"

She whipped a hand at Sasha who only halfheartedly tried to dodge.

"Oh, stop it."

The door to the cabin swung open and Joe came stumping out with two packs slung over his shoulders; he seemed to be struggling with the weight, but seemed to almost immediately understand the need to preface his appearance with a façade. Taking in a long breath, he puffed out his chest and walked towards the rest of them, looking around at the sky, the woods, the ground as though he hadn't a care in the world. It would have been comical if Mikasa hadn't known it to be such a serious problem; forcing down her blood as it jumped briefly towards a boiling point, she quickly cut him off and raised her eyebrows. His eyes were wide and innocent as he looked back at her.

"… What?"

Lifting her chin, she sighed through her nose and didn't move. He began to twitch and cast his eyes around in a telltale nervous way and she knew there was only a matter of seconds before he broke; her prediction was not wrong as after a brief period of her boring into him with her eyes, he grimaced and looked down cursing.

"Look, it's not that bad, and I can't just let the rest of you… "

She closed her eyes.

"DON'T even finish that sentence."

He swallowed and moved back and forth on his heels.

"Mikasa, please… I just… I don't want to be useless."

Taking him by the shoulder and spinning him around, she lifted both packs briefly and yanked the heavier one off his back and throwing it over hers. He looked back at her, obviously hurt, but she had no intention of letting him guilt trip her into doing more than he was able.

"When we are safe, you've received proper medical attention and are well enough to do so, then you have my permission to be useful."

The downcast look he then made as he turned downwards were almost enough to make her relent at least partially, but her common sense quickly shut down that thinking. Still, she couldn't leave him standing there, feeling worth less to them overall; stepping close enough to him that their noses were almost touching, she smiled softly.

"Hey. I love you, you know."

And as she had hoped, the words she said quietly to him immediately seemed to cheer him up and he straightened, smile beginning to spread. She considered leaning in and kissing him, but she knew Florian was just next to them, and there was no need to rub anything in, especially not then. Stepping back, she looked at the five of them, then back at the cabin.

"Just waiting on… "

As though she could sense her words, Ymir shouldered open the cabin door and stepped out into the cold morning with the rest of them. Mikasa saw her carrying a pack like the rest of them, but for some reason seemed to be carrying one on her front as well. It was oddly shaped and seemed to have extended pockets or something on the bottom and sides, the practicality of which seemed…

 _Oh._

She resisted putting a hand over her mouth to hide the smile that came on almost immediately that she quickly wiped off. Joe's eyes widened as Ymir passed him and Sasha made a noise that was half a laugh, half a cough. As she lined up alongside the rest of them, leaning her rifle over her shoulder, Ymir glared at the brunette.

"Not a word, Sash."

Sasha raised her hands, smile still present on her face as she looked down. The baby cooed from its perch, blinking out at all of them and waving its hands from the holes it was poking them through. Ymir looked both as though she was trying to both hide the appearance that she was embarrassed and that she was thrilled. It was an odd look, but one that was more welcoming than the subdued and silently furious look she had been wearing for days now. Mikasa stepped in front of them all as Jean and Sasha joined them in a sort of semicircle around her. The brief elation she had felt at Ymir's appearance was quickly crushed as she felt the distinct pain at what had transpired in the days previous; her eyes returned to the cabin behind them all, small and rustic.

 _I'm sorry, Annie… Ilse… everyone…_

She had failed them as much as the rest of them had, nothing could change that. But she couldn't let it continue to drape its way into every moment she spent waking. While Annie's fate was still a mystery as was Levi's, there was nothing they could do about any of that, at least not at that moment. All Mikasa could do was ensure that no one else met anything similar and as she looked around at the six of them, all looking back with eyes raging with so many emotions, she felt real determination seep into through her veins.

"Let's move."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Levi's eyes snapped open as quickly as they must've closed, old habits coming back to his aid. He had never been one to have the burden of shaking off sleep, and his mind threw it aside in seconds to begin contemplating what had happened to him and where he was.

The first thing he noticed was that his body was held almost completely in place; his ankles and wrists were tied tightly down and he couldn't raise his head. The room seemed small, but it may only have been partially due to the perspective that was being forced on him while making him watch the ceiling. He wanted little more than to be able to at least see what occupied the room with him, but as he twisted every free appendage on his body, a voice sounded just up, to his right, and just out of view.

"If you're trying to escape, you should know that unless you're superhuman, you're not getting out of this. I've been trying for hours."

The sound of another human caused him to freeze in his motions. He felt no need to reply immediately, but rather waited to hear if the person would say anything else. But the only sound he heard was the blinking fluorescent light that flickered above his head that seemed to be the only thing other than walls and ceiling that he could see.

"How long have you been here?"

The voice snorted.

"Hours."

It was obvious, but if they had been lying, he had hoped to catch them within their falsehood. He had no reason to believe they were trying to trick him, but there was no reason to believe they would tell him the truth either. The voice was one he believed he knew, but trust was not something that came to him easily with anyone.

"Have you seen or heard from anyone else?"

"Just you."

He was almost positive who he was speaking to, but there was no point in leaving anything up to chance. Levi attempted twisting himself to a position where he could see, but failed again. Next to him, he heard a sigh as he ceased his struggles.

"Didn't you hear me? Shit's not something you're gonna be able to just break out of."

It was then Levi was sure he knew who he was trapped in this room with; he hadn't spent time with her for more than a week or so, but within that time, it was almost impossible to become terribly familiar with the cold, biting tone of Annie Leonhart.


	43. Chapter 43

A few hours into the arduous dredge of a hike that was still to come, Mikasa was having trouble not feeling hopeful that they would be able to make the entire trip in one day. There had been no complaints other than sarcastic or mocking ones meant to lighten the mood, and they hadn't needed to slow their pace for any reason thus far.

 _I'm not going to pretend like it will most likely be this way for the rest of the trek… but I can hope._

Historia was arguably holding out better than any of them; as if to prove a point to the taller girl that she was perfectly capable of keeping stride with the rest, the blonde had been on Mikasa's left at the front of the pack for most of the hike, only falling behind to do periodic checks on Ymir and the baby. Beyond that, she was walking quickly and purposefully, some of the upturned nature Mikasa remembered from high school becoming very evident.

On a somewhat more worrying note, Florian had been keeping in line just as well as any of them, but the few times Mikasa had looked back to check on her, a pained look was very obvious on her face. Upon noticing she was being watched, the blonde would swallow down whatever discomfort was plaguing her and offer a confident smile that contrasted terribly with the way her legs wobbled when she stood still. In a certain respect, Mikasa was just as concerned about getting her to a hospital as Joe; whatever damage had been done was not something she was willing to admit, but there was no doubt she was in a good deal of agony.

Something that did cause Mikasa's spirits to remain generally lifted was being able to turn and see Joe, walking side by side with Sasha, and looking perfectly capable of walking the entire distance under his own power. She knew he was on his last dosage of painkillers, and how long they would continue to keep him stable was anyone's guess. Her neck had long since grown weary of craning and turning, looking back to examine his state; she could tell he was growing tired of her continuous watchfulness, but it hardly concerned her. If he collapsed for whatever reason, she wanted to be the first to know.

For the past couple hours, he and Sasha had been having low conversations about what was surely a variety of topics considering how long they had been exchanging words. It was mostly talking, but quiet laughs occasionally graced Mikasa's ears as they rippled through the ice-frosted forest, providing the only real sound beyond the dripping of melted water from trees and the rare bird. Every once in a while, she would look back to see Sasha leaning into Joe, resting her head on his shoulder or brushing her temple against his. She was slightly taller than him, so it required her to very lightly incline her neck when she did. To the casual onlooker, the movements could have been seen as extremely flirtatious in nature, but Mikasa knew better.

 _I BETTER know better._

In the hardest times of her life up until that point, Sasha had relied on Ilse more heavily than any one of them. Someone to talk to, someone to cry to, someone to lean on, someone to sleep with, whatever her need had been, Ilse had been there and ready to provide. Now, with her gone, the void in Sasha's life seemed almost palpable, even to others. Especially now, she need someone in her life to cling to, to hold on to, and the person who would have been her prime choice was the very reason she was in such dire straits as it was. And so, it seemed, she had chosen the very person who it could have been argued was the source of her suffering, but it seemed she was done being angry at him, at least for the time being. Mikasa wasn't going to step in between what seemed to be harmless clinginess, unless of course, it was taken a step too far. But for now, she was far too focused on getting everyone out of this predicament, and getting them out safely.

"Jean, can you walk with me?"

A question that would no doubt have gotten a much different reaction a year before, Mikasa was relieved when the young man in question pulled up alongside her with nothing more than an inquisitive look on his face.

"Yeah?"

She took a step closer to him so that she needed to speak only in a barely raised tone for him to hear her.

"Fall in behind Florian, would you? She's not letting on that she's hurting, but I'm not risking anything."

He nodded before gesturing ahead of them.

"Levi mentioned only two real problems, some bluffs and the river. We should be coming up on the river soon."

This was already information Mikasa had well-engraved in her immediate thoughts and it was not the first time Jean had run this by her. But she knew he was only trying to be as helpful as he could, and she simply nodded back to him.

"Got it."

He fell out of sight in her peripheral to where she knew he would place himself to follow her request adequately. She glanced back once more to see Joe grinning as Sasha chuckled quietly at whatever snide comment he had surely made and leaning against him again. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and, in a moment that was almost comically serene, held her there while she lowered her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes. But any smile that had been about to crawl its way onto Mikasa's face was quickly brushed aside as Sasha's eyes opened, tears glistening like the frost that surrounded them.

 _Damn._

It was stupid to assume that even during a walk in the forest, it could be possible to forget what had recently transpired. All any of them could do was distract themselves as she was sure not a single one of them was avoiding doing. And Mikasa realized with a tug at her gut that she had seen the very same shoulder-wrapping motion done by Ilse so many times, over more than a couple years.

She became glad she was in the front of the group as her position hid the tears that were springing to her own eyes, before she grappled back control of her composure and inhaled deeply. She hadn't time for grief anymore.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

As opposed to likely many in his situation who would have not have given up on the idea that somehow, someway, the bonds restraining them would break after the nine-hundredth attempt escape, Levi very quickly came to terms with the fact that he was not going to escape on pure manpower. He was strong, stronger than many would give his small frame credit for, a fact he frequently had been able to use to his advantage, but there was no pulling free of whatever alloy was holding him in place. At least an hour had ticked by since he had awoken, and no revelation had come to him, no way out of this situation, at least none that he could see. And on top of that…

"What do you mean, you don't know if they're alright?"

When he had first met Annie, he would not have guessed that she, in any respect, would be a chatterbox. But as of the latter half of his waking hour, she had been pestering him with a flurry of questions in a very abrupt way.

"I haven't seen them in a couple of days now, I left them safely, but I have no way of knowing if that's changed."

"But WHERE did you leave them?"

Fortunately for Levi, a great deal of patience had been something he had learned to appreciate in his line of work, and thus he only grit his teeth slightly in annoyance.

"I already told you, a safe house on the edge of a forest. The last one I had, so God help them if they've been found or otherwise separated from it."

"But there's no way you could have expected them to stay pent up there for an extended period of time, right? So, you must've told them that… "

"I gave them instructions if I was gone for too long, yes."

He understood her being concerned about the status of her friends, perilous conditions they had indeed been in, but in regards to the present, he could say very little that could put her mind at ease.

"Like what? Did you tell them to head to a specific place? Tell them where the nearest town was?"

Closing his eyes briefly, he lay his head back against what felt like die cast sheet metal.

"Yes, we can only hope they follow what I said to the best of their abilities."

Craning his neck for the umpteenth time, he tried to snatch a peek of a door, or the frame Annie was similarly bound to, or anything at all that could help make light of his situation, but once again, nothing could be seen.

"What does that mean though, where did you send them?"

A silent, deep breath ensured he didn't start berating her overzealous questioning.

"I really don't think that's wise to discuss."

"Why?"

"This room we're in, it could very well be bugged, and if whoever took us in has any interest in finding out where our compatriots may be, I think that's as good a way as any as doing so."

Surprisingly, she stopped talking and the silence was almost foreign seeming with the questions she had been previously pelting him with. It was short-lived however.

"Maybe you could give me like a hint? Just so I have… sort of an idea of where… "

She stopped talking as though having second thoughts about this particular line of questioning, but as she trailed off, Levi's mind switched from escaping to what she had just said. It wasn't as though she had started posing the questions differently, or asking in a way that seemed worthy of any extreme notice, but they had sparked a memory in Levi.

In what could have essentially amounted to a lifetime ago, he had watched his father attempt to coerce a specific location out of an aging man in a nursing home. As opposed to his competition who had been poring over municipal documents as Levi had recommended to his father, he had been assured that this was the best way of going about it. The location in question was the house to a small server room that had documentation of all covered meth dealings of a powerful oiling company, to which the almost bed-ridden man had ample knowledge of, but wasn't talking. Be it from advanced age, a disability, or simple unwillingness to talk, no one up until that point had been able to get more than a few sentences out of him.

But Kenny Ackerman was different.

He didn't ask about what everyone was after, but instead went full-tilt into the roll a long-lost relative who was just happy to see the man who he had absolutely no familial relation to. Presenting himself as overjoyed to be seeing the old man, Kenny made an enormous show about being glad to see him, and wanting to catch up in every conceivable way possible. Subject after subject would yield him no useful information, but the sickly man's tongue gradually began to loosen. He visited him for days on end, slamming him with question after question about topics Levi knew he couldn't care less about, but the tactic worked. The hours of questioning eventually softened him to the point where he finally slipped, revealing not the location precisely, but a clue that eventually led Kenny and Levi right to the closet-sized server room.

And that questioning was exactly what Levi was reminded of now.

It struck him then that Annie had been acting odd, this mode of questioning was not like her in the slightest. He knew nothing about how she had ended up her beyond the fact that she had told him she had passed out and wound up trapped alongside him. How convenient it was that he couldn't see her.

"Annie."

He tried to keep his voice from sounding suspicious, but if she was smart, and he knew she was, his tone told her everything she needed to know.

"Yeah?"

"You of all those young women, being the least emotionally stunted and sharp in general, would know talking about this would be a bad idea."

"I… yeah, guess so."

He had never heard her stumble over her own words either.

"So why are you so adamantly questioning me over something you know I shouldn't answer in good conscience?"

The pause before she answered was enough for Levi to know that something was very off.

"… I guess I'm just worried that… "

"Who's putting you up to this?"

"What?"

"You're not asking me these questions of your own accord, someone is having you do this. That's why I can't see you, and that's why no one has come to check on us since I arrived."

Some childish, almost completely swallowed up part of him wanted Annie to refute this, and refute it successfully, but he already knew he had hit the nail on the head. The next pause was only marginally longer, but the voice that broke the silence was not that of the short blonde who was lingering just outside of his viewing range.

"Well, you tried."

"If you hadn't pushed me like that… "

"Shut up and walk."

There was the familiar thud of an open palm striking skin through clothes and Annie violently entered Levi's view, barely managing to correct course from crashing into the wall opposite. She struck her shoulder hard nonetheless and massaged it, not willing to look back at Levi or her aggressor, who made his presence known only seconds later.

Levi shouldn't have been surprised to see Zeke walk tiredly into his frame, looking very much as though he had better things to do, but his mind had been so focused on Kenny that not seeing him was a shock in and of itself. The man sighed and pushed his glasses up.

"My apologies for this Levi, truly you happen to be a bystander here."

He looked at Annie, who met his eyes for the shortest instant before returning to looking like a wounded animal.

"She was very sure that she would be able to use you to get the location of those girls that you are so intent on protecting, but it seems that you were a touch too smart for this approach."

Levi found himself pulling against his restraints subconsciously.

"What do you want with them?"

Zeke gave an ambiguous smile.

"Would you believe me if I told you?"

"Probably not."

"Thought not, but I'll tell you anyway. These young women are precisely the bargaining chip I can use to persuade your former boss into good favor."

… _how? How does he know that?_

"I don't intend to work underneath him for very long, but being able to get close enough to topple him is an advantage I will very readily take. I'm working on hunting them down now, though I suppose I ought to mention I've ordered that they are to be taken dead or alive. It won't matter to Kenny Ackerman. Though if you somehow know of their whereabouts, we can avoid any undue violence between now and their trip to see the chief of police himself."

Levi was well aware that a trip to Kenny Ackerman was a death sentence regardless, but as Zeke spoke in a casual tone, he quickly thought of something he could use.

"They want them alive. Kenny wants them alive. We heard orders from his people that they were meant… to… "

He stopped on his own words much too abruptly and Zeke was not fooled.

"Meant to what? Go out miles into the woods to that cabin and put on a firework show for you lot? I think not, Levi."

 _I can try and save at least some of them._

"No. No, not all of them, but Jean, the louder boy, Mikasa, and myself were to be spared by them. Kenny was very specific."

Zeke watched him very carefully for over a minute, pacing back and forth as though Levi were a particularly rare specimen he had come across as a collector of exotic species.

"I'm not… sure if I can believe you, I'm afraid."

Suddenly, Annie spun to face Levi; he was caught off guard as he was able then to take full stock of her appearance. She looked tired and disheveled to a degree he would have doubted he could ever have seen her, and her eyes were wide and scared. It was a look he had seen on so many people before, but on Annie, it had a frightening effect.

"DON'T LISTEN TO HIM, LEVI, HE KILLED PE… "

Zeke moved like lightning, a stark contrast to his tired appearance, and he grabbed her under the jaw and slammed her against the wall, cutting her off. She didn't struggle, but he forced pressure on her further until she cried out.

"Already having second thoughts?"

Automatically, Levi opened his mouth.

"Who did you kill?"

The mild curiosity and innocence he just managed to flush into the four words had the exact effect on Zeke that he had hoped they would. The man looked briefly as though he was confused, before clarity dawned.

"I've killed many people, she was probably about to start rambling some names you've never even heard. But, you and I are no strangers to that business."

His body on autopilot, Levi leaned back, looking very politely confused and suspicious.

"Oh… okay."

Seemingly satisfied, Zeke took Annie by the hair and threw her out of Levi's sight.

"I do apologize for this. I'll instruct my men to take the girls and guys alive, should they find them. No point in taking chances."

A brief rush of relief rolled through Levi.

"I'd try and get some brief shuteye if I was you. I've instructed your release, but not for a while in order to ensure you don't try anything funny."

Zeke paused, looking genuinely regretful.

"I am sorry about this. I do hope we can work together in the future."

He stepped out of Levi's view then and there was the sound of flesh against flesh and a grunt from Annie. Then, a metal door grated against metal floor and swung shut with a heavy clang. Levi was left trapped with his own thoughts. His ploy had seemed to work, Zeke didn't seem overly worried about him. But he had heard Annie quite clearly. The name she had started to shout only belonged to one person. There wasn't a doubt in Levi's mind what she had been trying to say, and he had no belief in him that she had been lying to him.

The restraints groaned as a strength they had never felt nearly forced them to snap, as blood ran down Levi's hands.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Is that uncomfortable?"

Ymir looked over at the question, genuinely put off by the voice; Joe and Sasha's conversation had died away over two hours ago, and silence beyond their footsteps against the dirt and the snow had been the only sound present since. Now, as she glanced at Florian, she cleared her throat to dilute the sound of its lack of use.

"Not really."

"It LOOKS uncomfortable… "

Looking down, Ymir chuckled at Ilse as she bounced against her chest gently.

"I guess it does, but it really isn't. I think the backpack helps counterbalance it."

Florian craned her head to glance at the sizable pack Ymir was also carrying.

"I guess."

The familiar silence returned, and Ymir was wondering if Florian was just making small talk. But seconds later, the blonde whipped her head around to see if anyone was within earshot.

"Is she… does she have a thing? For him?"

It didn't take a genius to figure out who she was talking about, and Ymir looked around as well, not willing to have this conversation if anyone was in earshot. The longer they had walked, the more spread out they had become; Jean was bringing up the rear, a good ways behind them, Historia was ahead of them with Sasha and Joe past her, and Mikasa in the front. As long as she kept her voice down, no one would be hearing her.

"I used to think so. But right now… "

Ymir watched the heavy steps Sasha took and felt a throb of regret, followed by a punch of anger as her gaze moved to Joe.

"I think she just needs someone to lean on. They used to be close, so it's not surprising that… "

She trailed off, knowing she needn't explain further. Florian nodded, swallowing what could very well have been some anxiety, which was readily apparent in her next question.

"She… she was close with that girl, wasn't she?"

 _That girl._

Ymir wanted to shout at Florian for referring to Ilse as 'that girl', but she knew the blonde had meant no harm by it, and even more may not have even heard Ilse's name spoken before her death. Still, she couldn't manage anything more than a flat, single word reply.

"Yes."

Seeming to understand the touchy area in which she was walking, Florian fell quiet again, lowering her head as she did. Ymir immediately regretted her curtness.

 _She lost her sister for Christ's sake. Her whole world's been turned upside down, and here I am judging her even though that's all I know about her. Fuck you, Ymir._

She couldn't bring herself to apologize either, so decided instead to bridge the gap instead.

"Historia, huh."

The name brought Florian's head right back up.

"She was going by Krista?"

"Yeah. Dated me for, oh, the better part of four years, and I never knew it was a fake name."

As she said it, she actually hadn't meant it in anger; she was still just trying to come to terms with the craziness of it, but there really was no way to say that without sounding reproachful. Florian at least took it that way, and looked over in worry immediately.

"She was just trying to keep you safe from her past. I know she was."

 _What the hell do you know._

"Yeah, well, doesn't exactly help me feel better."

Florian laughed quietly, a disgustingly beautiful sound that caught Ymir off guard. It really was a gorgeous sound that was a touch too much like her sister's.

"I don't imagine it would, but I'm sure you can figure she didn't do it just to spite you."

 _Maybe._

"I guess not."

"It's… just so good to see her as happy with you as she is."

Ymir looked over and her thoughts were translated by her facial expression.

 _You've known me for only a few days, and in that time, we've had friends and family killed, you and Mikasa were raped, and we found out Joe might be an unhinged psychopath? And you're talking about happy?_

Florian seemed to guess as much and she shook her head.

"It's crazy, I know. But… the way she looks at you… I've never seen anyone look at ANYONE that way."

Despite herself, Ymir could feel her heart growing soft.

"I'd say I'm jealous, but that wouldn't be the half of it. When we get out of this, the both of you have a chance to run away and… "

She looked at baby Ilse and smiled, an eerily similar representation of her sister. She also didn't need to finish her thought as Ymir could pick up pretty well what she was inferring.

"Yeah, we do."

It had been something that she actually had been trying very hard not to think about. Running away with Historia and Ilse now was all she could keep on the brink of her thoughts to keep her moving forward, but never so much that it took over. If it had, she may very well have walked out with them days prior, leaving the rest of the group behind. The thought was so beautiful to her, so appealing, that it was hard not putting it to action. It was all Ymir wanted anymore.

"Could… maybe here at some point, I could… carry her?"

The question was posed very hesitantly, and Ymir almost felt uplifted at how reverently Florian posed it. On one hand, she didn't really want Ilse out of her grip, but it was the baby's aunt, for Christ's sake.

"For a bit, I guess it wouldn't… "

As though suddenly realizing that she had spoken something terribly blasphemous, Florian's eyes widened and she waved her hands frantically.

"That's what I meant! Not long, just for a few minutes, I… "

Tears suddenly swelled in her gaze.

"I just… she feels so right."

Feeling slightly perturbed, Ymir undid the makeshift harness.

"Yeah, yeah no problem."

She watched carefully as Florian strapped it on, and continued walking with her eyes almost perpetually gazing down lovingly at Ilse. It was a look that was hard not smile sympathetically at, and Ymir found the corners of her mouth curling in appreciation for the love she was seeing.

The curling whipped in the opposite direction quickly when she realized she couldn't recall looking at Ilse with anything resembling that level of affection.

 _It's my kid. It's my FUCKING kid. Not hers, not Joe's, mine and Historia's. So… why can't I love her like… that?_

Her gaze on the ground, the snow and her boots were obscured by the fog of tears.

 _Why?_

She continued pondering the single word for minutes while Florian continued to fawn silently over the baby, who was growing immensely bored. Perhaps this was why, of the three of them, the baby was the only one who spotted the camouflaged figure with an extremely high-powered rifle easing their way along a ridge to the right of the group. Ilse hiccupped and pointed, but her carrier was oblivious to her curiosity as anyone would have been. But the baby continued to watch regardless, as the figure raised the rifle, lowered it, and dipped behind the bluff as the roar of a river began to sound, muffling sound to the point that the group's follower and his companions could move as freely and loudly as they desired.


	44. Chapter 44

" _ **I thought I could always rely on you.**_

 _ **I thought I could always trust you.**_

 _ **I thought that no matter what we went through, you'd be on my side.**_

 _ **But you broke this.**_

 _ **You broke us.**_

 _ **Gradually, slowly, until now I look at you and realize**_

 _ **That all I really want from you is to turn around**_

 _ **So I can stab you in the back, the way you stabbed me**_

 _ **And so I don't have to see your face**_

 _ **One last time."**_

 _ **-Unknown**_

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The cold snow beneath her paws was a bitter reminder to the bear of the seemingly white void that filled her stomach. Despite being well over a month late for what would have been the normal period for hibernation, the completely empty stomach that plagued her was enough to keep that long dreamless sleep a step further away.

She gave a large snort as the frigid air bit at nostrils long since accustomed to dealing with temperatures of that nature. Even for a brown bear, she was large in size and while this provided certain advantages, it also meant her stomach was similarly large. For weeks now, she had been on the prowl for even something enough to convince her body that going to torpor was in its best interest; a dead elk, or deer, or even the rare moose would have done her well, but nothing came across her path. She wouldn't even have minded it being alive, a chase and kill would have been a welcome respite from the seemingly endless trudging through the frost bound trees.

That aside, she had picked up an interesting scent. It was prominent, but less natural, seeming less like something alive, and more like something that had come into existence very out of place, and lost. The conclusion had come to her less than active mind that it must have been humans, at least a small group of them, once again stepping foot where they had no place. They had ruined enough with their withering touch that decayed whatever it came into contact with. But perhaps, in this case, they could provide her a favor in turn; they had come to so densely populate the land the bear knew so well that surely one of their number could go towards filling a stomach that was hungrily growling at the light grey sky.

Lowering her massive head, the bear sniffed at the ground then at the air, enormous body pausing a moment to try and make heads or tails of the smell. She was downwind of the smell it seemed, which meant she would at some point come across the humans' caravan, regardless of size. It was not lost on her that she would need to be patient to score a kill, but she wasn't sure if her stomach would let her have that kind of self-control, not after she finally saw another living being, one she planned on happily consuming.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"YMIR!"

Mikasa's voice was a harsh whip against the bark of the trees that cloaked them, and Ymir lifted her head, not willing to show that the voice had startled her. The distant sound of a river was all she had been listening to up until that point, though she thought she could have heard the distant calling of her name. She had dismissed this as only being in her head, but the group's momentary standstill as well as Mikasa staring back at her was telling enough that it hadn't been.

"You're dragging us, we can't afford to slow down. If you need a break, say so, otherwise, keep up."

And that was all before she turned back and continued leading their march up the small slope of a hill. Ymir blinked in her direction several times, not believing she had just been chewed out like a misbehaving child in elementary school. Historia looked back at her with an apologetic expression, but the look in her eyes said that there was nothing that could be said to remedy the brief humiliation that came with being told off.

 _Who… does she think she is?_

The seven of them continued without a word regarding the brief intrusion to the silent walk they had been trundling along on, but as Ymir walked, she began to steam.

 _I can't deal with her bullshit. I can't._

Sure, maybe she had been falling behind, but no more than a little. Besides, Jean had been bringing up the rear, if she had really gotten too slow, he would have surely mentioned something to her in a much more respectful and less demeaning way. But no, it was Ymir do this, Ymir do that, Ymir you're falling behind, Ymir why don't you just fucking kill yourself for wasting everyone's precious time with your…

 _Good Christ, what am I thinking?_

With a tremendous effort, she forced down the burning in her chest and let the cold air sweep itself through her lungs and through her body by consequence. Mikasa hadn't been singling her out, she had been giving just as many chores to everyone else before they left and there was no reason to think that she had some personal, spiteful agenda. It didn't excuse her curt and obnoxiously high-handed behavior, but there would be a time to address that, AFTER they were safely hidden back in the arms of modernity.

They continued on their way for close to another ten minutes, and anxiety began to touch at Ymir's gut as she realized that if they could hear the river from that far away, than it was very likely that it was bigger than she had been assuming it was. Its roar was growing slightly as they went, to where it almost was drowning out the tweeting birds as they hopped from branch to branch overhead. The annoyance she had for the leading member of their group had almost faded to the point of being on the backburner, when she happened to move her gaze back to the front of the group.

Ymir saw that Historia had fallen into a quiet conversation with Mikasa, and had joined the taller girl in throwing occasional glances back; the flicked around each member of the party, but Ymir was keenly aware that they were lingering on her more than anyone else. The anger returned in a split second and her palms begun to sweat inside of her jacket pockets. Mikasa's face was the same unmoving calm that was so typical of her, though her eyes did seem to narrow slightly every time she looked back to Ymir, mouth moving regularly and sharply. Historia looked nervous to the point where she was biting her lower lip, and Ymir was almost tempted to run up and jump in between the both of them.

 _What's going on, guys? Oh jeez, don't look so surprised, I could see you up there talking shit about me, you weren't doing a swell job of keeping it under wraps._

Looking down to her feet to at least pretend she didn't know she was likely being quietly discussed. She wanted to find out what was so important that it had to be talked about this minute, especially since it seemed to be regarding her, though she doubted either of them would be honest if she asked. Biting the inside of her upper lip, she drew the slightest bit of blood and relished in the coppery taste as it washed against the top of her mouth. Her feet pounded a hard rhythm against the snow where footprints already lay and she did her best to slam her boots into the indents, packing the snow down to the lowest level possible. Her heart was burning the anger into an almost black hatred, one she couldn't see through.

 _She is such a fucking JOKE, to walk up there like we're all her fucking slaves, to talk about ME behind my back, probably about what a danger she thinks I might be because of my attitude, when she refuses to acknowledge she's been riding a psychopath's dick like she needs it to survive. What a complete bunch of bullshit, I cannot believe that…_

"Jean, take the lead until we reach the river, would you?"

Ymir looked up so quickly that her eyes blurred the scene as they tried to take in the upwards panorama they had been forced to breeze over. Mikasa was walking next to her ( _how the hell did she get back here so fast?_ ) and was looking behind the both of them. A sharp patter of hurried footsteps heralded Jean's quick jog as he made his way towards where Mikasa had been moments ago, not even bothering with an inquisitive or curious look. It seemed he was forever to remain in the palm of her hand, Joe or otherwise. After he had taken her position, close to a minute of quiet, tense walking was finally interrupted as Mikasa spoke without looking over.

"Historia and I were talking."

 _No shit._

"Yeah."

"All she asked from me was if I could keep a careful eye on you, because she feels you are acting a bit… "

A completely bitter smile melted its way onto Ymir's face as she looked away into the trees, not wanting to reveal her disdain.

"Weak."

"Unsure, is the word I was looking for. She wasn't sure exactly what the problem was, but she was worried for you."

While she wasn't sure exactly where this was going, Ymir was fairly sure that if a lecture of all things was coming her way, she didn't think she would be able to handle it.

"But I'm fairly sure the both of us did know, she just has no desire to even begin mentioning what she thinks is the problem."

She paused then, as though waiting to see if Ymir would admit to whatever grievance was being brought against her this time, but only snow crunching underfoot gave any reply of genuine volume. Mikasa thrust her chin gently forward.

"You're letting Florian carry the baby."

"Yeah, I noticed."

The sarcasm cut the conversation off again, but it seemed less this time that Mikasa was waiting, and more as if she were looking for the right words to express whatever had come to her mind. Which likely meant it was something that could very well be touchy in nature.

"While Historia won't admit it, I think she and I have both come to the same conclusion that you don't have feelings for this baby. At least not ones that are becoming of the parent you're supposed to be."

Blood in her mouth.

"That so."

"Yes."

It was infuriating to the point that Ymir couldn't think straight, she couldn't even summon any words to refute something that should have been so obvious to throw back into Mikasa's face. What she had said hadn't been presented with any layers of accusation or spite, they had been said the same way most everything Mikasa said came packaged: cold and factual, like what she was saying had no way of being challenged.

 _Which I'm sure she thinks anyway._

Her anger had boiled so much that it was actually almost impossible to believe that she hadn't started at least shaking or feeling tears brought on by rage spring to her eyes. Adrenaline was helping pump heat through every last one of her digits and she could feel the eyes of who she had once considered a close friend boring against the side of her head. She wanted little else than to turn and snarl something back, something to turn this around, but the words simply wouldn't come. There was nothing she felt she could say, and while she did everything in her power to ignore it, a very small voice in the back of her head was whispering why.

 _She's right._

That wasn't it, that could never be it.

Could it?

"Looks like you're of similar thinking even if you won't outright say it."

Ymir felt her head turning almost robotically to see Mikasa cocking her head, with her eyes forward.

"I'd suggest letting Florian carry the baby the rest of the way, at least until we're somewhere where we can rest our legs. She seems almost tailor-made for taking care of babies from what I've seen over the past few days. And if there's any reason that you carrying her could be detrimental to her wellbeing… "

She trailed off as though she was too kind to finish the cruel end of that sentence, but Ymir knew it was only to drill in the point. Mikasa looked back at her, eyes not quite emotionless, but apathetic enough to be distant.

"If you think otherwise, please say so. I'm only trying to do what's best for every individual in this group."

Ymir wanted to scream back at her perfect face and tell her how completely, disgustingly wrong she was, but the air caught in her lungs when she opened her mouth. As though this was all she needed to see, Mikasa nodded.

"Only for now."

And she began to pick up her pace, putting herself behind Joe and Sasha. He looked back to her with eyes curious, before smiling at whatever look she gave him that Ymir couldn't see. Seeing that look on his face, sent a wave of animosity so swiftly through Ymir that she almost had to stop walking as her head spun.

 _How… how can she even SAY something like that?_

She thought of how it would be if their positions were reversed, if she and Joe had been wanting to have a kid, but the baby turned out not to be hers. Then, Ymir went up and started talking shit about how she wasn't acting like a "parent" and as such, was a threat to the…

 _Holy shit, am I trying to JUSTIFY this?!_

Clenching her fists hard enough to crack most of her knuckles, she shut her mind down as best as she was able and just focused on walking. She ignored the couple quiet conversations that were happening ahead of her, but as the river bore up on them and she heard Joe laugh beyond her line of sight, she punched a nearby tree hard enough to split her skin in several places.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Hey, Joe?"

The voice was so tentative that Joe could've missed it if he had stepped on a dead branch that snapped. Sasha and Mikasa had moved slightly back towards where Florian was walking, with the both of them looking honestly as though they were having trouble not picking up the baby themselves. He had let them go quietly; he had loved babies since a young age, he had always found them so damn lovable, but in this instance, he knew it was wise to distance himself from that kid as best as he was able. He had to respect that at least.

"Yeah?"

Historia had pulled up alongside his right shoulder and had given him a small jump; she gave a small, apologetic smile as he looked to her, taking in a deep breath.

"Sorry."

"No, you're good, I just was… spacing a bit."

She gave a sympathetic nod.

"We HAVE been walking a long time… "

Sighing, he pushed back his shoulder, trying with difficulty to keep his back from growing sore with pain.

"Well, we don't really have a choice. We stay out here much longer and our… "

 _Oh my God._

He had caught himself, just barely caught himself from saying something that he never would have been able to take back; Historia didn't seem to have caught on to what he had been about to say.

"Our what?"

… _our baby is gonna be out of food._

"Our supplies are gonna drop to nil. And we've got some folks who definitely need the sustenance at this point."

She bumped him lightly on the arm.

"Like you."

It struck him then that he hadn't been thinking about himself as part of the equation.

"I mean, yeah, I guess, I was more thinking about Florian, the kid and you."

She nodded halfheartedly, as if she hadn't really heard what he had said. And suddenly, a wave of pain washed over Joe's lower torso.

 _I… I haven't had a one on one with her since… since before I can remember._

He thought to the occasional chat they had shared in Hange's buildings and outside of work, the times she had driven him when he hadn't a way to drive himself, and he found himself not able to believe what their relationship had become. He realized then as well that Historia had known she was pregnant with his child. Known since the beginning and he hadn't. In a strange way, he felt almost angry that he had not known of the grave offense he had participated in committing, one that had helped turn his relationship with them all upside down.

 _How could I not remember something like that? How could I be drunk enough that I… wouldn't remember?_

But no matter how hard he tried to think about it, no memory of that night sprang to mind.

 _Doesn't matter, though. We slept together. And… she bore my child._

Joe gave a shuddering heave of a sigh as the words came down on his shoulders with newfound clarity and Historia looked over with worry on her face.

"Are you alright?"

He was unable to immediately reply as he tried to keep his breathing steady.

 _My child._

"Yeah, I… just got a little lightheaded for a second."

Her worry seemed to begin bordering on growing concern.

"Do we need to stop, do you need a rest? We can stop, just… sit down over on this… "

Swallowing down his anxiety, he waved a hand weakly.

"I'm fine, don't worry about it."

Her eyes flicked to his wound and then behind them.

"Maybe I better at least tell Mika that you're not… "

This straightened him very quickly and he looked her way vehemently.

"Do NOT do that, she thinks something's wrong with me, we'll never get moving again. Either that, or she'll insist she carry me the rest of the damn way."

This didn't seem to convince her, but she made no further action to try and sit him down.

"Alright. How IS your… "

"Historia?"

He was ready to say it, then, what he had needed to say for so long. She looked at him with concerned eyes, fingers tightening around the straps of her pack.

"Yes?"

 _Don't freeze now._

"What happened between us. What happened all that time ago… I just… "

Her brow furrowed and her mouth twitched as she seemed to catch on to where he was taking the conversation.

"Joe, please don't bring that up, PLEASE not now… "

With her face growing desperate, he almost felt himself break then and there.

"I'm sorry, but I have to ask."

That statement aside, he waited until she looked up at him and, closing her eyes tightly, she nodded. As he looked back at her gorgeous features, his worry evaporated almost to the point of not being present at all.

"How could you not tell me that… that… "

And he began to falter; it wasn't fair to ask a question like this, she could have had any number of reasons that she acted how she did and he couldn't assume she would be able to explain that what she…

"… that I was bearing your daughter?"

Hearing what he had been trying to put into words was like being struck across the head with a sledgehammer; Joe's body was wracked with a sob that sprung from nowhere and he looked to blink aside tears.

"Yes."

She looked as though she wanted to reach out and hold his arm, but through his blinking he saw her look back and he knew she was looking at Ymir. Her hand withdrew.

"More than one reason, Joe. If I told you, what would have happened to you? You might have panicked, called me a liar, told someone else… did you really want to be fresh into college and have one of your friends tell you she was pregnant with your child?"

"That's not… no, but it's… "

His incoherent answer was good enough.

"I chose to bear this burden with Reiner because… "

She rubbed her arm through her jacket and let out a watery chuckle as a tear slid down her face.

"Because I was scared. Not of what anyone would think, but of what it meant for me and you. We could… nothing could ever be the same for us if that came out."

A small hiccup sounded from behind her tight lips.

"Nothing CAN be the same for us… Mikasa will never stop watching you, and Ymir hates us BOTH… "

This was something he couldn't let stand, despite the emptiness raging within him that discouraged any talking.

"She doesn't hate you."

Gritting her teeth, she jammed her eyes shut again.

"I… LIED to her, Joe! To everyone!"

She got control of her voice from being too loud, but she continued speaking with the same furious intensity.

"I took you to bed, and everyone… no one can ever think the same of me, especially not now, not after."

A genuine laugh then, one cased in hysteria.

"The NAME they called me for years wasn't even legit, for Christ's sake."

Joe found this wasn't something he needed to pursue; he had heard what he needed to hear.

"You had your reasons. Everyone'll have to just accept that."

She looked at him with pained disbelief stretched across her face, and he realized how much it hurt to see her in that much agony.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought this up… "

Historia looked forward.

"No, you shouldn't've."

Silence came between them as they walked side by side up to where the shore of the river must've been.

 _Say it._

"I'm sorry about… "

"Stop."

He closed his eyes at the ice in her voice; it seemed she had known exactly what he had wanted to say. Biting his lower lip, he shook his head softly, but was surprised at a gentle touch on his arm. Opening his eyes, he looked to his side and was met with a soft kiss on his cheek.

"I'm sorry, Joe. I can't forgive you. I might not ever be able to."

And she got off her tiptoes and continued walking, leaving him to stand for a second or two in the snow before trudging after her, feeling very empty indeed.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Ymir wished the river wouldn't roar so loudly. It only added a layer of pounding that she wasn't sure her ears could take much more of. Shaking fists jammed in her pockets, she brought up the back of the group as they had come to a halt at what was finally the first real obstacle they had encountered.

The river was wide and fast, much worse than she had pictured it in her head. They had come out of the forest on a spot where there were a several rock beds raised above the crashing water that looked like they could be theoretically platformed across. The group collectively stared at the fresh challenge before Mikasa finally spoke up, raising her voice just beneath a shout to make herself heard.

"We'll have to do this in steps. That first spot… "

She pointed to the first rocky patch that looked to be worthy of standing on.

"… we should throw everything heavy to that first, guns, packs. Those beds are our only choice for making it across, and if one of us happens to fall in, we don't want to be weighed down. The lighter we are, the better chance we'll have of staying afloat."

Without a word, everyone began collectively removing their packs and laying down rifles over them. Looking backwards, Mikasa gestured to the forest they had just exited and they all turned to look.

"We should keep one person posted on the side of the woods to watch and see if were tailed… I'll do it, I'll watch and cross last after the rest of you, and Joe can go second to last, with Florian before him. Healthier people ought to go first."

Florian, looking nervous, said something quietly that couldn't be heard over the pounding white water. Mikasa turned to her.

"What?"

Throwing a glance over her shoulder that cast her long blonde hair around in a mesmerizing way, she repeated herself.

"I said, I wouldn't count on Joe being one of the last to go."

Ymir turned with the rest of them to see Joe already halfway across the river, still with his pack and rifle and balanced precariously on two rocks protruding from the river.

"JOE!"

Mikasa's shout caused Jean and Sasha who were nearest her to flinch at the volume of it. Wobbling dangerously, he looked back.

"Yeah?"

"WHAT THE _HELL_ DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!"

He looked forwards and backwards four or five times before raising a finger at the opposing river bank and speaking in a very matter-of-fact tone.

"I'm uh, crossing the river."

It looked as though Mikasa was about to bite her own tongue off. Joe turned back as he heard no further response and in a silly-looking acrobatic way, hopped across the remaining distance; he slipped on one of the last rocks he was using to platform, causing both Florian and Historia to gasp in harmony before he gave a final jump and dismounted less than gracefully on the opposing bank. He looked back with a stupid grin on his face and Mikasa looked as though she was about to start berating him from across the river before she settled on crossing her arms and giving a low, heated sigh.

"Let's get going then."

They started tossing bags and guns to the first rocky inlet as they prepared for their own crossing. Joe looked as though he had perhaps not understood the concept of teamwork and had made to come back across the treacherous path he had taken, but a violent shout from Mikasa froze him in his tracks. She then moved back towards the forest, rifle in hand to cover their tracks. Ymir looked back at her and then forwards to the river.

"I'll go second last, someone should stick behind in case Mikasa needs help with anything."

Her statement was strangely robotic, but then again, she felt as though she wasn't actually in control of her own body. It seemed to have picked up on an agenda her brain hadn't yet informed her of and was acting upon it. She was met with a few looks, but no one interjected. Jean nodded as though he agreed it was a good idea. Historia seemed ready to say something, but chose not to after a second and turned back as Sasha made to carefully follow in Joe's steps.

With their backs turned, Ymir safely began to back away from the torrential thrashing of the river towards the forest.

 _It's now or never._

This wasn't true of course, but she had convinced herself it was. There was not going to be another time where she felt the anger enough to do this. In fact, she didn't think she had ever felt madder in her life.

 _This ends. One way or another, this ends._

"Mikasa."

She spoke clearly and calmly, a violent contrast to how she felt. The black-haired girl didn't seem to notice her name had been called, and Ymir wouldn't have been sure she had been heard at all, if not for the verbal reply she received.

"Yeah?"

As she looked to be very intent on watching back the way they had come, Ymir jammed her white knuckled hands back in her pockets, taking a deep breath and waited to be properly noticed. After several seconds, Mikasa half-turned, eyes distracted.

"What?"

Ymir spoke, with no regrets for the firestorm she was about to set off.

"Do you wish the baby was yours?"

Mikasa didn't as much as move as the words appeared to register in her head. Her eyes didn't narrow, her mouth didn't tighten and her pose didn't change in the slightest; in fact, after a brief moment, she looked away again, eyes back on the trees.

"We do not need this right now, Ymir."

It was then Ymir knew she had succeeded in jabbing Mikasa with a sharp stick; she had allowed herself to be baited.

"Don't need what? You've seemed perfectly fine telling me my business, so I can't tell you yours?"

She still didn't look back.

"If you're actually going to be this petty… "

Ymir fought down the urge to shout, and instead brought her voice into a low snarl.

"Petty?! You're going to tell me that I don't care about my baby, and then tell me I'm being petty?!"

"I didn't say that."

"Oh, fuck off, Mika, you meant exactly that. You can never just outright say something, you have to imply it so heavy handedly that it's impossible to take as otherwise and then you roll over and act like what you said is the be all, end all."

Mikasa turned then, no emotion present on her face, but her body acted for her. She tossed her rifle aside where it landed with a swish on a snow covered bush, scattering the precipitation as it did. Planting her feet aggressively, she crossed her arms and lowered her head slightly. It was then Ymir realized how much she had always disliked Mikasa's perfect face, the face that always came to mind in high school when talking about who was the best at academics, the best at extracurriculars, the best at athletics, the best at fucking anything. She was so subtly pompous it seemed, that it was amazing she had never seen herself as a match for Jean.

"Ymir, whatever your problem with me is, I suggest you come out and say it, instead of beating around the bush like you love to do."

Ymir gave a low, derisive chuckle. Behind her, there was a brief shout and a laugh as the others had undoubtedly begun crossing the river.

"Problem, yeah. Got maybe a couple of those."

She stomped forward then, stopping just a couple feet from completely closing the distance between them.

"What makes you think that just because you made yourself leader of this little expedition, you get to tell me that I'm not being a good enough parent?"

Glaring back at her, she waited for the typical Mikasa response she knew was coming.

 _Oh, Ymir, that's not what I meant at all, you're totally misconstruing what I meant, Ymir, you're not a bad parent in the slightest, I'm just trying to suggest that maybe…_

"Not being a good enough parent? You're not. You're a lousy parent."

This response was so unexpected, that Ymir actually couldn't even muster the most pathetic of rebuttals, giving Mikasa ample room to continue.

"You're not seeing that child as your child, you're seeing it as a reminder that our significant others spent a night together and conceived a baby. And because of that, you can't care for it like it needs and you can't be the other half of the parental equation that Historia needs you to be."

Ymir tried against every piece of her will to conjure up some worthy reply, but she couldn't manage it. She could only blink in shock at what she was hearing. Mikasa took a step forward then, and Ymir could detect something in her voice then. It was like anger, but it was far off, an ominous aura against the horizon. And it was building.

"But you just keep living the victim like it's your only goddamn option. Baby behind your back and you can't even pretend like its possible to live with it. You just keep looking at that baby like it's something off the bottom of your shoe. You can't fucking change what happened, Ymir. No matter how much you mope and sulk, none of us will get a second chance at anything."

Her voice lowered then too, matching the same low, menacing tone Ymir had heard in her own not a minute ago.

"You're not the only one who's suffered in this. I wish every DAY I had known about what had happened, or that I could have prevented it somehow."

Mikasa's teeth bared in a furious look that almost sent Ymir into backpedaling.

"Of course I wish the baby was mine. I was the one who he was supposed to be with. To start a family with. But I, unlike you, have decided that we need to move on and grow up."

What could have been a venomous smirk crossed her face.

"And it seems you could give less of a shit about said baby anyway. Joe would be a far better parent than you seem willing to even attempt to be."

Words then began to autofill themselves into Ymir's mouth and she stepped forward as well, the shock at what she had heard swallowed quickly by the rage she had been feeling for what felt like weeks now.

"Oh yes, your precious boytoy."

If Mikasa had feathers, they would have ruffled.

"Don't call him that."

"Isn't he? C'mon, Mikasa, he's nothing to you other than a possession you cling to for dear life. You treat him like a god until he acts up and you beat his ass like a slave."

She took a quiet pleasure in watching Mikasa's breast begin to slowly heave dangerously.

"Face it, you're not in love with him, you're just obsessed with him."

The tiny portion of her mind that housed her present decency and respect faltered pathetically next to her towering hate.

"I wonder if you've ever actually felt love in your twisted excuse for a life."

Ymir was honestly surprised that Mikasa didn't leap for her throat, but the eyes that looked back at her were the ones she had been waiting to see; smoking with the same hate Ymir felt and glowing like magma.

"You have no idea what he means to me, even if you've come to your own deluded conclusion."

"What, that you just can't believe how good it feels to be fucked with a dick that's not your dad's? To know that someone will submit to you after spending your whole life being his personal whipping boy and concubine?"

Mikasa twitched ever so slightly as though she had been raring to lunge.

"You're pathetic, Ymir, you always have been. The world to you was nothing more than a means to an end to please that girl over there, and when it failed to do that for you, you cursed it and went to pout, blaming everything but yourself. That's all you're doing now."

From inside her pockets, her knuckles cracked.

"You're just a child who can't accept that life's going to deal them shitty hands. It's a wonder Historia can stand the sight of a selfish bitch like you in the first place, let alone pretend she loves you."

Ymir hadn't wanted to be the one to start what she knew was inevitable, but her body acted on its own accord. Her fist rocketed out and slammed Mikasa in the mouth; the girl stumbled backward two steps before stopping and reaching up with a hand to feel her surely cut mouth. She looked back at Ymir then with that same burning look, a look that once would have quelled Ymir on the spot, but she realized then that she wasn't afraid of Mikasa anymore. She couldn't imagine being afraid of anything right then.

"You really are going to pull the selfish card on me?! You've let Joe… that PSYCHOPATH just sit with us, eat with us, because you LOVE him. If it was anyone else on the fucking planet, they'd be dead or locked up, but because he's all your miserable ass has, he gets a pass."

Mikasa wiped the scarlet from her face and simply glared at Ymir, an enraging sight.

"You risked all of our lives because of what he means to you. And… "

Maybe it was selfish, maybe it was foolish, but Ymir didn't care anymore. All she felt was fury and betrayal from the person she had once felt she could rely on the most.

"EVER SINCE HE SHOWED UP IN OUR LIVES, WE'VE LOST YOU! YOU'RE NOT THE PERSON WE KNEW IN HIGH SCHOOL, YOU… YOU'RE FUCKING BLIND, MIKA! HE'S ALL BUT RUINED MY FUCKING LIFE, AND YOU DEFEND HIM LIKE HE DOESN'T DESERVE EVERY _BIT_ OF WHAT HE HAS COMING!"

Mikasa reached out and grabbed Ymir by the collar of her jacket and yanked her back; she stumbled almost into a tree before catching herself and looking back. Mikasa was standing passively, a look that didn't match her burning eyes in the slightest. Behind her, everyone was intent on crossing the river, with no one on their side anymore. No one seemed to have noticed what was transpiring.

"You seem just as content to ignore the fact that he's saved yours and Historia's lives more than once, even if you don't seem to give a shit that he saved the baby's life as well… "

Shouting, Ymir swung another fist that was dodged.

"STOP PRETENDING I DON'T CARE ABOUT HER!"

"You don't."

Ymir launched herself again and swung wildly.

"SHUT UP!"

Mikasa caught this one and pulled Ymir to her, holding her against her chest as they both of them strained against each other's grip.

"You just want to kill him, don't you?"

Opening her mouth to bellow again, Ymir realized, in short, that Mikasa was completely right.

"Yes. I have to."

She looked down then, allowing two tears to spill down her face.

"But you betrayed us. By putting him above everyone and everything else on this goddamn planet."

She tightened her muscles.

"And you're in my way."

And she slammed her forehead against Mikasa's nose. She felt it break and warmth spilled over the top of her head like a cracked egg. They stumbled away from each other and Ymir felt a hysterical smile begin to crawl across her face as she raised her clenched fists. She came a step to close to Mikasa who had her head turned down in what turned out to be a ploy as she sprang up and slammed a fist of her own right above Ymir's left eye. The pain burned hot as she felt the skin split and begin to bleed, but she ignored it as she lowered her own head and barreled her way towards Mikasa.

 _She pretends to love me. You honestly think that, you heartless bitch._

She ducked around a ferocious kick and whipped her fist in a tight arc, crashing against the side of Mikasa's head and cutting her ear severely. Her fist slipped off her face with the blood that now covered it; Mikasa hardly even seemed to notice the blow she had taken and crossed her fist to hit Ymir's gut hard. Grunting and stepping backwards, Ymir felt the composure she normally had in a fistfight dwindle before disappearing completely. She didn't want to subdue Mikasa.

She realized with a sob that she wanted to kill her.

Stepping to the side, she let Mikasa come at her as she feigned pained fatigue before reaching out quickly and grabbing the other girl, twisting her around and slamming her against the closest tree. Adrenaline screamed at her through her veins as her body demanded she move more; knowing no other option than but to comply, she pulled back Mikasa's head and drove it against the same tree. The sound her head crunching against the bark was gut-wrenching, but Ymir had no time for mercy. She knew Mikasa could turn this around on her in the blink of an eye if she wasn't careful. But even as she grabbed her by the back of the throat, she couldn't help but allow what sounded like insane words spill from her mouth.

"You two won't get in my way ever again, I can't LET you ever get in my… "

A fist she hadn't seen coming hit her hard enough in the jaw to nearly cut the front of her tongue in half. Choking on blood, her grip loosened enough for Mikasa to wriggle free and grab her by the throat, slamming her to the ground.

"YOU WON'T GO _NEAR_ HIM!"

Hearing Mikasa's furious roars drove fresh energy into Ymir's veins and she rolled aside as a rock Mikasa had picked up obliterated the rock where her head had been with a heavy clatter. She then lunged for the arm and pulled it down hard. Something cracked and Mikasa shouted in pain, before Ymir rested the softball sized rock and swung it around, bashing against Mikasa's temple. Seeing the dazed look on her bloodied face sent the quickest wave of weakness through Ymir before she leapt on top of the girl as she hit the ground. Ymir took her by the throat and looked down as bleary eyes looked back at her, hands moving to pathetically try and wrest her hand away.

"There's no other way and I'm sorry. But you're not who you were. And because of you, every last one of us is in danger."

Another body rattling sob gripped her then with unexpected speed, and she quickly pulled herself back together. She stared down at the face of someone who she had known to be her friend for so long, and was suddenly filled with the primal, hateful urge to smash that beautiful face in.

"You're a selfish cunt, Mikasa. I think you always were, deep down, you just had to find what it was that was so much more valuable than the rest of us."

A memory hit her then, of the six of them walking to their car from a bar they had spent hours in, the warm summer air wrapping them up as the starless sky surrounded them. Ilse and Sasha were laughing tipsily, with Annie following along, shaking her head. Ymir saw herself hand in hand with Historia who had a beautiful, carefree smile on her face, and then she looked to the middle of them where Mikasa walked, the glue that had held them all together come the end of high school. A gentle breeze tossed her jet-black hair around her face as she watched her friends with her own gentle smile. But the face Ymir saw on her friend was not a face she had seen in months, almost a year even. She had met Joe, and he had changed her into someone Ymir had had more and more trouble recognizing. It hurt terribly, but not as badly as knowing she was about to kill someone she knew. Rather, she was killing someone she had known.

 _I have to finish this. It doesn't matter what Sasha, or Jean or anyone thinks. I'm going to finish this and Historia and I are leaving forever._

As she glared down at Mikasa's helpless form, she realized she hadn't even had a thought of the baby. Tears rolled down her cheeks freely.

 _I'm so fucking worthless._

And she raised the rock, ready to begin the end of what had been misery for so long.


	45. Chapter 45

**AN: Pretty late, I know, but I promise it wasn't intentional, simple example of life getting in the way of my Wi-Fi. Next chapter will be up much timelier.**

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Alright now, just watch your footing on that second to last rock, it's more slippery than it looks… "

Joe had to practically shout to be heard over the river as he stared diagonally across to where his companions were making their way across the crashing water. Sasha looked at him with an annoyed look, clearly not appreciating the shouted tips as she balanced precariously across a pair of raised rocky slabs upraised just above the wet torrent.

"I do NOT need advice, Joe, just shut up and be ready to catch us if one of us slips."

Smiling, he raised his hands and backed away, raising his arms almost instinctively as Florian prepared to make the last jump to the safety of the river bank, the baby in her care looking around, clearly curious about all the noise and why it was occasionally being splashed with water. Florian looked to him, her eyes partially widened with concern for the impending hop she was about to make and Joe could see Historia behind her watching extremely anxiously. Jean stood and Joe could see his hand very slightly raised as though he could somehow alter the course of her descent if she fell.

"You're ready in case I slip?"

She asked the question for the umpteenth time and he pushed down the urge to roll his eyes, instead opting to re-plaster the same reassuring smile he had been wearing for several minutes now back onto his face.

"Yeah, I got both of you."

He could tell she wasn't convinced, but he doubted there was anything he could say that would do that job; taking a deep breath, she held it and leapt across the last three steps and landed without a problem next to him. Holding up his hands, he stepped back and nodded in approval.

"See? That wasn't so bad."

Turning to face him, she looked with confusion and he could tell immediately that she hadn't heard him over the thundering water.

"What?"

Chuckling, he raised his hands in a mock gesture to cup around his mouth.

"I said, that wasn't so… "

Joe was then struck with a considerable force to his left as a hand caught him by the shoulder and what was surely someone's body mass collided with the rest of him. He was only able to keep his head from slamming against the rocky shore, and the impact rocked his entire body, sending the air from his lungs; gasping, he reached up to grab what turned out to be Sasha, looking down at him with both amusement and a twinge of apology.

"Sorry, I thought you were ready."

From out of sight, Joe heard Jean give a snarky laugh, one that had he had remembered hearing close to a year ago.

"Can you… get off… me?"

He was barely able to wheeze out five words as he reeled for his oxygen to return; throwing him another smile, she started to rise, jabbing her knee at his privates as she went, giving him more cause to wince in pain. Walking over towards Florian, she stopped and nodded at Historia who reached down to pick up the baggage they had been tediously moving across their makeshift stepping stones. Joe managed to get himself in a sitting position to watch as she tossed the first backpack across and happened to glance back the way they had come for the first time since he had crossed the river. He assumed he would just see Mikasa and Ymir standing, with the former looking backwards and the latter watching them, but he blinked away the stun from having been knocked over to see them on the ground with Ymir seeming to be on top of Mikasa. For one wild moment, he wondered if they were having sex before he saw a rock being raised. Somehow then, he knew exactly what was happening.

Rolling onto his hands and knees, he pointed backwards and made to shout to alert Historia, Florian and Sasha, but all that came out was a horrific sounding wheeze as he exerted as much force as he could in an attempt to shout. For a second, the world spun dangerously as he almost passed out, but when his sight returned, he could see the four of them watching him with concern. Realizing that they had only heard him nearly knock himself out and hadn't seen him point, he began to wave his arm frantically back across the way as he pushed himself to his knees. The four of them collectively turned their heads and he was relieved, if only briefly, to see their faces register the same panic and fear that was pounding through his veins. Jean and Historia both opened their mouths, shouting different names, but with the same fearful tones.

"MIKASA!"

"YMIR!"

Joe pushed himself to his feet and wobbled as he felt oxygen return enough to his lungs that he could breathe comfortably again; in the back of his head, he was trying to rationalize why the two of them looked to be beating the hell out of each other, and he had a frightening idea as to why. But why was far less important to him then, and despite his still momentarily fuzzy head, he prepared to dash back across the dangerous rocky footings to intervene in the quickest way he was able, already putting together a plan in his head.

This was perhaps why, despite the ample room it gave him to notice, he didn't see the bear coming down on him until there was no space between them.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Ymir was only able to feel the heat of Mikasa's hand on her wrist and look down at her battered, weak face for a moment before she knew that she would break if she looked a second longer. She had heard shouting from across the river that she knew was directed at the both of them and felt a clock ticking down that would result in someone returning to get between them.

But she had to do it.

Her head was pounding with the fiercest headache she had ever felt and her very gaze seemed to be shaking; no matter what direction she turned her head, the world seemed to be undergoing a perpetual earthquake that she could only feel in her eyes. Rage in her veins screamed a violent song and she could only obey its tempo as she brought the rock back above the head of who had once been one of her closest friends.

 _I'm sorry._

She swung it down at an angle she hadn't thought out, but it still struck with considerable force against the face it hit. Blood sprayed as it crashed down just above Mikasa's left eye, splitting the skin in multiple places. Ymir gasped at the damage one blow had done as though shocked by doing exactly what it was she knew she had to do. She brought back the rock again and Mikasa hit her in the chest with a weak fist that did little more than throw Ymir's aim off just barely.

The rock cracked against her temple with a tremendously painful sound that caused Ymir's headache to burn with fresh agony as she glared down at the person she was presently bludgeoning to death and in that moment, as Mikasa's head swung limply as a result of the hit, a strange calm swept over Ymir. It was fine, that what was happening. They wouldn't get there in time to stop her, and by then it would be only her word they would have to believe. She could spin some story about Mikasa going crazy, accusing her of being an unworthy parent and attacking her; she had only done what she had to stay alive.

 _Everything will be fine… everything will be fine… everything will be…_

Her line of thought derailed as she brought the rock down again, this time completely forgetting to aim. The softball-sized weapon hit Mikasa's jaw at a frightening angle and another painfully loud crack split out over the river bank. Blood spurted from her mouth as her eyes stared unblinkingly up at Ymir, wide with shock and desperation. Ymir found herself annoyed by them.

 _Stop looking at me like that… !_

The rock didn't even reach back into its full arc before Ymir heard a noise that caused everything to freeze.

 _What… ?_

Historia had let out an absolutely terrifying scream, one enough to chill Ymir's bones to the point of stopping them completely. As she looked up and around, whipping her head in multiple directions to try and isolate the sound.

Across the river on the opposite bank, where most everyone of their group had succeeded in getting to, a bear as large as any Ymir had ever seen was reared on its hind legs and looked to be roaring; the sound was drowned out probably due to its low pitch, but Historia's scream carried over the water with awful clarity. Ymir struggled to stand as her mind tried to free her from the kill craze that had her so gripped. She had to stand, she had to get across the river, she had to protect Historia and the baby from the enormous animal, she had to do what she should have been doing all along, but instead…

Sloppily, she felt the rock wrested from her now-weak grasp and there was a second to think before stars boomed over the unsettling sight across the river. Blackness roiled from the depths of her head and she could feel her conscious trying to slip away. She fell off Mikasa and onto her back where she was able to roll over to rest on her stomach, and she stared back across the river trying desperately to keep it in focus. A part of her was waiting almost fearfully for a blow to fall on her head from behind, a blow she knew she deserved, but it didn't come; in her blurring peripheral, she saw Mikasa, somehow on her feet, staggering her way towards the edge of the water. She made it shakily just up to the bank before she collapsed, hands splashing against the river.

 _How… after hits… and hits… she can just stand up… and after just one… I can't…_

Ymir's consciousness turned out the lights for her as that last thought trailed off to places she could never answer.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

For as long as she could remember, Mikasa could think back to far more than one instance where she had been left in a state where her a part of her head was left hurting. Her father had clubbed her on many an occasion ever since she had been able to walk, she had gotten in more than one fight where a blow to the temple or nose was left sore for days, and she could still vividly remembering the blistering headaches to the early days when Joe had left them, where she had become dehydrated from screaming and crying for hours on end. But this was the first time that she knew of where literally every single facet of her head was screaming in pain.

It hurt to look around, to rotate her head in any such manner to do so. It hurt to blink as every time she did so, it felt as though she were jamming needles against her eyelids. It hurt to inhale and was impossible to swallow and bile rose every time she tried. It hurt even to open her mouth to shout her throat raw. She watched Joe turn and have not a second to do a thing about his predicament before the bear swung a paw and sent him crashing to the side like a ragdoll. She watched Sasha and Florian step back and then forward and then back again as she watched both women try and desperately draw up a plan that would serve them against this enormous new threat. The bear ignored them and walked its massive body over to where Joe had landed, where it drew forward its large and imposing head and bit down on his shoulder.

He howled as it began to drag him back and forth across the ground, meaning as little as a toy. Kicking with his legs he managed to annoy the bear to the point where it released his shoulder, slammed its paws onto his back and dragged them from his shoulders to his rear.

Mikasa forced herself to her feet as he screamed louder than Historia had; blood spurted from his back, visible even from that distance as the bear clawed repeatedly at his flesh. It then nosed him under the ribs and flipped him over and as he thrashed in a full on panic at the beast, it bit down on his forearm and pulled. She could tell it was dislocated from the terrifically odd shape it was then bent in.

"SA… SASHA!"

Her voice did not sound like her own as she threw the name across the river; she couldn't help Joe in the state she was in and she knew that as much as it was something she couldn't stand to think about. But the others could and she was allowed a brief moment of gratitude as Sasha rushed forward, clearly not with a plan in mind, but also clearly not willing to let this attack transpire beyond what it had.

 _Just get it off him and distance yourself… yourself… and then… someone can… shoot… it…_

Despite the inordinate amount of willpower that was coursing through her veins, the punishment Ymir had dealt to her reached a culminating point and she gasped, falling backwards and into darkness. Her only thought was that if Joe wasn't there when and if she awoke, waking up wasn't something she even wanted to consider.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Historia listened to herself scream at Florian to get away from the battle Joe was now desperately losing; she had already pulled down the rifle Jean had brought to his shoulder.

"DON'T, YOU COULD HIT HIM!"

He stared down at her with a wild ferocity in his eyes that she couldn't remember having seen before. The panic and lack of any logical thinking in his face was something she knew he was staring back at.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU EXPECT ME TO… "

They looked away from each other as Sasha gave a howl from across the couple meters of water that separated them; the brunette had rushed the bear recklessly as evidenced when she slammed a fist against its nose, which ultimately only resulted in it raising its head and freeing a paw from gripping Joe to hit her away. She hit her back hard and she gasped for air, rolling over. Historia's mind raced for something, anything, but it stopped as she watched Florian lay Ilse down on the rocky shore.

"FLORIAN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

The baby was howling along with her, but Florian paid neither of them any mind; turning, she leapt for the river and sank into it almost to her knees. With just a few sloshing steps, she managed to slog her way through it and leap to the ground, almost at Historia's feet. The blonde became she was screaming at her sister for abandoning her baby, but the words sounded incoherent in her ears; still, Florian ignored them with the rest of the chaos that roared around her and slammed a hand against the pile of their belongings. Her hand found a revolver and she turned to try and repeat her miraculously feat.

"SASHA… "

As she finished shouting the name, her foot came down and twisted in an unnatural and painful looking way. She screamed and crashed to her hands and knees as Sasha rolled to her feet and looked back to where she had heard her name. Florian seemed to pause as though struck by the gravity of the situation before bringing back an arm and throwing the pistol as far as she could. It glinted in the sun for just a moment and seemed to hover for an additional agonizing second before hitting the rocks on the opposite bank with a clatter. Florian dropped to her back and clutched her ankle with pain written starkly across her face and Historia had to resist bringing a foot back to angrily kick her sister.

"HISTORIA, MOVE!"

Jean's shout spurred her into action; reaching down to grab a pistol of her own, she began scampering after the taller boy, raising her pistol towards the bear as she did. Her own words rang just as true for her however and she lowered the gun as she realized there was no way to safely shoot at the bear without risking the young man it was currently savaging.

Joe's screams mingled with Ilse's and before Historia could reach the bank, Jean had swept over and lifted her, stepping back several steps as though not doing so would break some ritual. Sasha had leapt to the gun she had been thrown and had paid no mind to the two new arrivals and had strafed the bear's left as quickly as Historia had strafed the right. Of the same mind, they both raised their pistols and squeezed off multiple rounds nearly point blank into the bear's hide. It reared the minute they had begun firing and bellowed, turning and running for the brush it had sprung from, and in seconds, it was gone, with only small traces of blood to authenticate its presence.

"JOE!"

The singular shout from Sasha caused Historia to whip her head around as the gunshots' echoes faded into the roaring of the river. She saw the brunette crouched over Joe, gingerly lifting his head with a gentleness that didn't remotely match the panic strewn over her face. Her fingers traced over his slashed face and shoulders, brushing over what was at least a dislocated arm, as tears glistened in her eyes.

"Don't you do this… don't you fucking do this, you motherfucker, not again, not again… "

His face was blank as the snow that remained untouched around them, eyes glazed and lids flickering as quickly as the rapids beyond. There was no comprehension on his face or any real sign of intelligence, and Historia wondered if he had gone into shock, or worse.

"Please don't die, don't leave me, don't leave Mikasa, we… we can't lose you again."

Historia waited for a half-assed remark or something that would have gone perfectly in line with his devil-may-care attitude that he had developed, but nothing came. Sasha grabbed at his hand, but he didn't squeeze her fingers back as she gripped him like her life depended on it. Historia looked around jerkily, still trying to process the speed with which everything that had just happened had, and saw Jean standing a respectful distance back, with Ilse still bawling into the shoulder of his jacket. She saw Florian sitting on the bluff they had left her on, watching with wide eyes. Historia's eyes moved to Ymir and Mikasa, both of whom were prone on the bank opposite; she moved to take a staggered step in their direction.

"GODDAMMIT JOE, PLEASE DON'T DO THIS!"

A scream from Sasha nearly sent Historia to the ground with the shock it caused; the girl was now cradling Joe's head and rocking desperately, as though doing so could restore what were likely very severe wounds indeed. Gasps heaved through her chest as tears fell freely down her scarlet cheeks. Historia moved a hand to comfort Sasha, then to motion to her sister, then to begin running to Ymir and Mikasa; she ultimately could settle on desperate shock and she dropped down to her knees, crying quietly. She knew she had to get up, to run to Ymir and make sure that…

"Sasha, Krista… or whatever your name is. I'm gonna need you both to stand up, please."

The mere fact that a voice that wasn't one she immediately recognized was enough to send Historia to her feet in a heartbeat. Her gun was raised instantly and she found herself staring down the sights of four rifles touted by four figures with ski masks. In the middle of the split, a tall man had his hands raised.

"Please, don't. Enough shit has gone down as is."

Sasha, who hadn't moved from rocking Joe pathetically, turned her head slowly to regard the five figures that now stood among them.

"… Bert… ?"

The man didn't move for a couple seconds, mind clearly racing, before he sighed and pulled off his mask.

"Don't know why I thought that would work anyway."

Bertholdt stepped towards Joe and Sasha and cocked his head slightly, face upturned with polite disgust.

"Is he dead?"

"NO!"

Sasha's echoing shout sent him back the paces he had made forward and he raised his hands again in a defensive pose.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything by it."

Historia could feel sweat between the palm of her hand and the handle of her pistol as she swallowed and tried to think of something to say, coming up with nothing. Fortunately, nothing was just fine; Sasha had clearly finished remembering what had been suffered to her at the hands of the man ahead of them, and her eyes, while still wet, were now blazing.

"What are you doing here, Bert?"

He bit his lower lip.

"To take a couple of you to see my boss."

His gaze moved to Jean and Ilse, to Florian, and to Ymir and Mikasa. The latter was starting to rise.

"And kill the rest."


	46. Chapter 46

" _ **If your enemy is hungry,**_

 _ **give him food to eat;**_

 _ **And if he is thirsty,**_

 _ **give him water to drink;**_

 _ **For you will heap burning coals on his head."**_

 _ **-Proverbs 25:21**_

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Historia began to back instinctively towards Jean and her child, never lowering her gun in the slightest. She could see Bertholdt's face flash with regret and tiredness as he noted her lack of change in posture.

"Look, orders are orders. You, your sister, Mikasa, Sasha, and Jean."

Holding the baby to his chest as though it were his own, Jean seemed to swell with some of his old nature.

"Why us in particular? A few nights ago, it was just myself, Mikasa and Levi. Now that's changed?"

Bertholdt frowned.

"I was unaware of any such event, but those are my orders. The five of you will come with us and that will be that."

Historia looked across the river where Mikasa had made it to her hands and knees and Ymir still hadn't moved. She had the sudden crazed desire to snatch Ilse from Jean and run across the river to Ymir and drag them both as far away as she could from everything that was happening. She flicked her gaze back to the five men standing before her and rephrased Jean's question.

"Why just the five of us?"

Swallowing and appearing to be growing annoyed, Bertholdt lowered his gaze and flicked his eyes around and Historia could see his mind beginning to work quickly. It was a look she remembered from high school whenever he had been working on some lab or project and one plenty of them had teased him for. Now, it instilled a deep sense of dread in her.

Suddenly, he rotated his head to address his companions, without turning all the way to look at them.

"The four of you, head back to the… "

This was all he managed before a great snarl drove him to silence; Historia heard the terribly low sound from behind her and turned just in time to see the bear come charging back from where it had come. It ran with a limp, but moved with a more desperate and fast feel then it had before as though time was now very much against it. The men surrounding Bertholdt raised their rifles but did not fire; as quickly as it had come, the bear clamped its teeth around the back of Joe's neck and turned to run back towards the brush. Seeming to slip at least partially from the shock it had rendered him into, he began to scream again as Sasha echoed the sound, reaching after him as she made to run in pursuit.

"DON'T MOVE!"

Over Joe's howling and the bear grunting, Bertholdt's roar still reverberated and was by far one of the most alien sounds Historia had ever heard. She had hardly ever heard him even raise his voice in all the years she had known him, but now, commanding rage flowed across his face and she and those around her could do nothing more than wait as the screaming Joe was dragged out of sight. His cries persisted and grew fainter as he was moved further away, and began to sound muffled. Shaking with panic and shock, Historia realized she had lowered her guard just as one of the men slammed her across the chest with the butt of his rifle. Gasping in pain, Historia crashed onto her rear, gun falling away from her grasp and well outside her reach.

"You FUCKER!"

Sasha managed only to sprint in his direction before two more of them men moved to restrain her; she fought hard against them, but was brutally gut punched into submission by one man as the other held her struggling form. Crashing to her knees, she gagged and gasped, only able to manage a spiteful look at Bertholdt as he walked past her to Jean. Regarding the other young man with careful seriousness, he spoke in a soft tone, barely audible above Joe's wailing.

"You will hold that baby and not move for a weapon. Understand?"

Jean didn't nod or reply, but the direction in which his gaze fell was more than enough of a reason to understand why. Historia looked with Bertholdt to see Mikasa splashing her way desperately across the platforms, slipping and looking to be a total mess. She was making progress likely by pure willpower as she didn't seem to be close to being washed away every time her footing was misplaced and she sank knee deep. Florian, who had been watching everything play out with honest helplessness, watched the dark-haired girl struggle past her where she finally dropped to her knees on the opposite bank.

Her face was a terrible sight and one Historia wished she hadn't had to see ever. Her nose was clearly broken and her jaw seemed to be at least partially askew; a dark spot over her eye cast the feeling her skull had been dented and there were enough gashes that it was hard to tell what blood came from where. Her breathing came in shaky, shallow rattles, though each intake was ripe with the desperation she was surely feeling.

"Bert… Bertholdt… "

She gasped his name and barely seemed able to manage it before she bowed her head and coughed blood against the frosted rocks. He looked unsure of how to respond to her sudden appearance and the shifting feet of his men indicated they felt the same. Historia risked a glance from where she was now sitting across the river where Ymir hadn't yet moved. She would have begged to be allowed to run back across if she thought it would do an ounce of good.

 _I still have so much to tell her…_

Mikasa managed to raise her head, the rawness of her pain and fear evident. Historia had never seen her in such a vulnerable way and Bertholdt's face matched her feeling.

"Please… please, let me… let me go to him… please… "

Through her damaged face, Historia could see her eyes flickering again and again in the direction of Joe's anguished sounds and her shaking hands made it clear she wanted nothing more than to do as she was pleading. Bertholdt seemed to regain at least a portion of his composure and he swallowed again, eyes glowing with the same unbalanced confidence that he had arrived with.

"No. Absolutely not. We're all… "

Joe loosed a particularly nasty howl and Bertholdt seemed to stifle a wince.

"… we're all leaving now."

He turned to look at his men and Historia listened to him as she looked back across the river, trying to force her will onto Ymir to stand her up.

"The three of you, bring the rides as close to hear as you can get. You, go get the girl sitting just there."

"Wait, what about the two that… "

Bertholdt's voice jumped in pitch once more, to a frightening degree; for a moment, he looked almost mad.

"DID YOU NOT FUCKING HEAR ME?!"

They fell into silence and Bertholdt seemed to once again rein in his emotions.

"You will do as I say, I was placed in charge of this outing for the sole purpose of… "

He was cut off very quickly and the shouts of concern from his men caused Historia to whip her gaze back to them. Mikasa had somehow very quickly closed the distance between them and herself and had gripped Bertholdt by the forearms, staring up at him with eyes pleading heavily. He swallowed again before seeming to realize he was still surrounded; looking around, he grit his teeth.

"MOVE!"

They did so, with a very obvious stain of reluctance. As they went their separate ways, Mikasa seemed to try and pull herself up like a toddler trying to stand.

"Bert, PLEASE, please let me… "

"I can't."

Sasha had by this point crawled over to him as well so that she and Mikasa looked like worshippers before an idol.

"Let SOMEONE go, Bert, for Christ's sake, are you just going to let him… ?"

Risking a quick glance around to make sure his men were all far enough away, he then bent to be closer to them and Historia had to lean forward to hear him. His eyes danced with desperation as Joe's screams continued to plague the sky, sounding from well beyond their sight off in the tauntingly still brush.

"LISTEN TO ME, I have strict orders not to bring back anyone injured badly enough to be rendered immobile."

It struck Historia why she among the rest had been specifically named to be accompanying him.

"Ymir and he are. I… if anyone was to be in such a state… "

Bertholdt lowered his voice.

"I was given orders to kill them immediately."

He seemed to be trying very hard not to say more than he was.

"Don't you get it? It's either I leave them or I kill them, there isn't another… "

Mikasa leapt to seize his wrist with a fervor that was almost contagious.

"DON'T YOU DARE FUCKING MAKE ME… "

He put a hand over her mouth before wincing and pulling it back, looking down at the blood that now was spread over it. Wiping it hastily on his pants, he looked furiously around at them before glancing over his shoulder; the three men he had ordered were almost out of sight down the river and the fourth had his back to them, bending over to drag Florian up.

"Shut up! This is their only chance, understand?"

Suddenly realizing what he meant by this, Historia walked over quickly so that she was standing just behind and between the kneeling forms of Sasha and Mikasa.

"Bertholdt, you don't seriously think I'm just going to walk out of here with you and leave her there?"

As she spoke and looked over his shoulder at the her unconscious girlfriend, panic began to snag at her gut, a panic she knew was probably flooding Mikasa's ravaged body, as she realized that the possibility of having to do that was very real indeed. He looked back at her with no faltering at the glare in her eyes.

"That's exactly what I'm thinking."

Historia opened her mouth, ready to spit fire, but he continued before she could manage anything.

"If you really care about her, if you want her to have any chance at all, you'll leave her."

It made perfect and hateful sense and at the same time, she couldn't rationalize it even the slightest bit in her head. There was no way she could do this, how could she even try? But as terror wracked her body, she saw Ilse crying quietly out from behind Jean's arms and she knew then that, if she cared for not only Ymir, but for her baby as well, then she only had one option. Gritting her teeth and involuntarily grabbing Sasha's shoulder, she held her tears in check as she waited. The brunette looked back at her with wild and teary eyes, and Historia nodded her head towards Mikasa. Looking with confusion back and forth, the dawning of her realization was exactly what Historia had expected.

"Wha… you… how can you… please, don't… don't tell me… "

Historia nodded again and Sasha looked then as though she was ready to tear her throat out. Her eyes furrowed into a sinister glare, her mouth becoming a restrained snarled as Mikasa began to cry against Bertholdt's leg as Joe let out a more infrequent, but no less agonized scream.

"How dare you even fucking suggest we leave them… after everyone we've lost… "

Feeling then a rushed feeling that roared with hurriedness, Historia bent next to Sasha and took her chin roughly in her hand, letting her voice resonate as a violent hiss.

"Listen! He's not lying, we make any move to help EITHER of them and we're dead."

Not even believing what she was saying, she continued as she watched Sasha's angry mask begin to break.

"We have to give them this chance."

"Chance?! What kind of shit-ass odds do you expect they'll… "

Bertholdt leaned in, awkwardly patting the top of Mikasa's head.

"We need to go."

The urgency in his tone brought Historia to her feet and she pulled Sasha; relieved when she rose alongside her, she tried to ignore the betrayed look she was receiving and helped the brunette pull Mikasa to her feet. Jean hadn't moved as were his orders, but the shock he had been displaying had morphed to resentment, though he said not a word. He exchanged Ilse for one of Mikasa's arms over his shoulder, which became a difficult transition as the exhausted and beaten girl seemed to realize what was happening and began screaming and wailing in unison with Joe. Fit and uninjured, she may very likely have been able to fight them both off, but after only a few seconds they were able to handily overpower her and she collapsed into heaving sobs, and they began to both drag and walk her in the direction Bertholdt indicated. Florian had an arm around the remaining henchmen and they fell into line alongside the three of them.

"Let's go."

Historia only realized her feet were glued to the ground when Bertholdt jabbed her in the spine with the barrel of her own gun. She turned to look at him; his mouth was set in an unyielding line, but his eyes betrayed the apology that Historia knew he wanted to say. It would never have worked, or done a damn thing to change what he was doing to them, but it gave Historia a slight twinge of satisfaction that immediately disappeared as she cast her gaze back across the river.

Ymir still hadn't moved, her body just as it had been when Bertholdt and his men had arrived. Historia could feel her heart screaming at her in a mad rage, asking how in the world she believed she could live with herself after this, after every betrayal she had dealt Ymir, if this would be the one to break her. But she knew through her emotions that this was all she could do. For now, this was all she could do.

 _You'll live, Ymir. I don't know how, but you'll come back to me. I know you will._

Swallowing bile, she turned and began to walk after the rest of their sorry entourage, allowing herself to be led away. She suddenly realized she could hear their footsteps with jarring new clarity along the roar of the river, and it was then she realized that Joe had finally stopped screaming.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

It hurt all over, worse than anything he had ever felt. He couldn't move much, and his arm he couldn't move at all. Wetness that he knew spawned from his own body swam warmly against him; despite the heat, his teeth rattled.

"How many times have I had to save you? Just so you could dive headfirst back into the shit that is these people and leave it to me to clean you up again?"

Of course he was going to have to listen to this now.

"I… I didn't need… your help… "

"Oh no, I suppose not, you don't really NEED anything, such an overused word really. But had I not, you'd be dead now, and no one would be the wiser."

It would have been simple for him on any other day to entertain this surely never-ending argument, but his will to fight was not but a fraction of what it normally was. He chose to move on instead.

"Can't… move… "

"No, you've been pretty torn to shit by this point, I'm afraid. At this point anyway, I think you'll be able to just last till the end of the day till either you pass out and don't wake up, or some other animal smells this terrific feast and comes snooping."

"Just… shut up… and let me… die in… peace… "

A loud, long and rough laugh sounded.

"Oh please, here we go again."

"What… ? You can't… save me… this time… "

"I already did. And I can keep you from dying, if you just ask."

Of all the impossible things, he had witnessed from the specter, this seemed pretty high on the list, and it actually gave him pause.

"What… how… "

"You know exactly how. You've always known how I think, but now you get to really confront it."

The voice was not just in his ear now, if roared against his conscience.

"This isn't yours to decide anymore. You tried to shut me out, and I can see that I overstepped once or twice."

"YOU FUCKING MURDERED A WHOLE… "

"Shush, shush, shush, don't knock yourself out. I won't leave this time, boyo, I won't. But I won't try and take over again like I have. It will be your choice to decide if you need me. Because you will need me."

He couldn't believe that.

"You will."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Eren watched from his spot at the dinner table where his legs had fallen asleep. Armin was bustling around the den just beyond his view, though he could see his friend move across the doorframe more than once with different amounts of paperwork in his hand. His expression was stoic, but his movement betrayed how frazzled and worried he felt.

Only two days remained until Kenny's scheduled meeting with who he had reported to be the future of the city, and Eren was still in disbelief over the fact that Armin had agreed to this. He had stressed a myriad of other options to his friend: going to the governor, state police, leaving town, dropping out of the election, but Armin's mind seemed to have had made up his mind the night he had met with the police chief on the road. Something had clicked in his head, and he had become set in his idea that somehow, someway, he would be able to work to turn this town for the better, if he was only willing to play into his enemy's hand.

But Eren knew it wouldn't last. It wouldn't even come close. These people, whoever they were, would eat Armin alive, if they were anything like Kenny. Eren had done everything in his power to try and rationalize what had happened that day, the single couple hours that had turned everything he knew of justice, honor, and good upside down, but he hadn't succeeded. The world had revealed itself to him as something he couldn't control and as something that was not on his side. Armin had seen the same world, but he had somehow felt the need to try and change it. And as much as Eren wanted to believe that was possible, he knew deep down that was not something that could be achieved.

Ever.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Ymir woke to almost choking on her own breath; sitting up sharply to try and regain control of her air flow, she coughed hard and bashed her head against something solid. The normal stinging pain that came when she had stooped to pick something up from under the table and misjudged when to lift her head was to be expected, but this was far worse. Her head splintered with tremendous pain and she cried out, falling back onto where she had been laying. It struck her, as she remained there in relative darkness, massaging her temples, that where she was laying happened to be terribly soft. Prickly branches rubbed against her face as the rolled over and there seemed to be branches pressing through the coat she was laying on that were acting as bedding.

 _What in the fuck…_

When she had passed out struggling to reach Historia, she had not expected to wake like this. Perhaps tied to a tree with everyone surrounding her, torch in hand, or even not waking up at all would have been just as real a possibility. Mikasa could very well have swung that rock a few more times and ensured Ymir would never be able to go after her or Joe again, after all, Ymir had been planning something similar.

Glancing down towards her feet, she saw light seeping through a crack in her cramped sleeping space and she wondered if it was smart to possibly tarnish her element of surprise over her captor.

 _Captor? If it was a captor I would be bound and not treated to likely the best bedding I'll be able to get out here._

For no reason other than a gut tug, she crawled to the light and climbed out into the fading grey light.

Her "bedroom" it turned out had been a tree that had been chopped almost to the point of being fully severed, but bent to the ground at the place where it still clung to its stump. This allowed it to remain upright as branches had been lain along it numerous times to create a natural sort of tent, and Ymir couldn't help but shake her head at it. A scratched cup was filled with water right where her feet had been and without hesitation, she swallowed it all, realizing just how much her body needed the sustenance. Allowing the blood to rush to her head after inhaling the liquid she looked around to examine the rest of her surroundings after concluding she was, for the time, alone.

It was positioned along the river, but in a different spot to where they had been fighting; the current was much calmer and the river was narrower, enough so that one could likely wade across without fear of being swept away. The woods loomed only a few meters away from the riverside, darkening as the day grew older; the time must have been growing late by now, either that or she had slept through an entire day which would explain her hunger. She noted a flicker at the bank, and stepped forward several paces to see a fire burning, small and strong. Next to it, a sharpened stick rested, as though waiting for someone to come find it.

"I was hoping I wouldn't have to wake you up."

As the voice spoke calmly and with relief from behind her, Ymir could feel the joints in her body rust to the point of being immobile. She should have turned at the voice. She should have replied with a furious scream. She should have broken into a sprint after grabbing the stick and made to plunge it into Joe's heart. But instead, with a steadiness to her tone, that surprised her, she spoke back.

"I would bet you were hoping I wouldn't wake up at all."

There was a rustle as she heard his footing shift and she could practically see his sheepish smile that she knew he was wearing.

"After what it looked like you and Mikasa were getting into… you're only half-right."

There was chuckle and Ymir realized it had come from her, not him.

"Tough break."

She could practically see him shrug, too.

"Eh, I'll get over it."

She shook her head once more, ignoring the throbbing pain it gave her, and she looked towards the flat grey blanket of a sky, wondering what kind of cruel god would leave her out in a place like this with the person she may have hated more than anyone.


	47. Chapter 47

Mikasa allowed herself to be led down the dimly lit hallway, yanking her shoulder every time her escort attempted to grip her. She somehow was able to walk without staggering as had not been the case on the way to the snowmobiles that had driven them to the first real civilization any of them had seen in days. Somehow, she had drifted off leaning on Sasha's back during the ride as her sheer exhaustion caught up to her, the walk up until that point had not been easy; she had begun to fight at every turn as real panic gripped her bones. Joe had stopped his howling which could really only mean one thing, but she had realized she couldn't simply not know.

Not again.

As they were marched along the river, she had snapped; turning and breaking free of Jean and Sasha's grip she had run smack into Historia of all people, who caught her weak body with her free arm and catching her. Holding her baby close to her, she had gripped Mikasa as she had screamed over her shoulder.

"Stop… calm DOWN."

"GET OUT OF MY FUCKING WAY!"

"Mika, you need to get ahold of yourself NOW."

Historia had waved at Bertholdt and his crony who had started coming up to collect the thrashing Mikasa, indicating she had the taller girl under control.

"I CAN'T LET HIM GO, PLEASE, _PLEASE_ , DON'T MAKE ME DO THIS AGAIN!"

Her screaming had been loud, but there hadn't been anger in it as times past would suggest. It was only fear, true fear that caused her body to work much harder than it should have been able to despite her wounds. Historia's voice had only furthered her desperation as it spoke calmly in her ear.

"You can't do anything for him like this."

"I CAN FUCKING TRY!"

"Stop, STOP! Listen, this is just as hard for me, Ymir is being left behind the same way, there is nothing we can do for either of them, unless you want to die alongside him… "

"AT LEAST GIVE ME THAT!"

Historia had continued her meaningless calm-spoken reassurances as Mikasa had gradually worn herself out struggling as Jean, Sasha and Bertholdt carefully worked their way over to her. When she had finally quit fighting, Historia had made to turn her around, but when she had caught sight of Bertholdt's face, hate springing up from the deepest parts of her consciousness lit a stick of dynamite in her gut. She had punched him with all the force she could summon and would have tackled him if Sasha hadn't held her back.

"WHAT KIND OF FUCKING MONSTER DID YOU TURN INTO, YOU SICK PIECE OF SHIT! I'LL KILL YOU FOR THIS, I'LL KILL YOU ALL FOR THIS, YOU'RE ALL GOING TO FUCKING DIE… !"

But after over a minute of her raging, her voice gave out alongside her body and all she could do was cry as she was effectively dragged to where she would fall asleep with tears streaming down her face.

She had lost him. Again. After his impossible return, after everything that had happened, what they had survived to get to where they had been, he was lost to her, very possibly forever. He had been attacked by a fucking bear, a FUCKING BEAR, and that would be how he went? She couldn't believe it. She WOULDN'T believe it. Among her common sense and logic, a furious flame burned that told her that he was not dead, that it would take a lot more than a massive wild animal to take him away. She didn't know if it was just denial springing this last ditch into her mind, but she had seized the notion and held it as tightly as anything she ever had; she hadn't seen a body. And that would have to be good enough.

When she had awoken, she had found herself lying on the floor in what seemed to be a room similar to the waiting room one might find themselves sitting in waiting for the dentist. Four chairs and a medical bag were all that were visible beyond the four walls, the bag having been heavily used since their arrival. Mikasa had opened her eyes to find herself resting on Sasha's lap who had been stroking the side of her face almost absently. Jean had apparently touched up on her wounds as best he could, and had done a relatively decent job; her numerous cuts were all closed, her nose adjusted in as good a way as possible for it to heal, a makeshift brace had been pulled around to hold her jaw relatively still, and bandages covered most everything else. He had apologized that he couldn't do more, but said that not much could quickly remedy what had happened to her.

The state of the room was a cross between subdued and livid. Historia flat out refused to stop pacing and had nearly hit Sasha for trying to physically hold her still. The look in her eyes was that of a trapped animal, a mother who was trying to get back to her mate, and she was very likely the most dangerous person in the room as a result. Baby Ilse was looking around in relative bliss, her ignorance being the contributing factor to her state, and she seemed perfectly content to coo over her mother's shoulder every minute or so. Historia had taken more than one opportunities to breast feed her, but they all were beginning to feel the throes of hunger.

Jean sat with his head in his arms, as though he were trying to sleep, though the occasional rapping of his foot in the silent room indicated he was more likely just deep in thought. Florian was next to him, rotating her ankle every few minutes and wincing; Mikasa caught her flicking her gaze to her more than once, and while the blonde quickly looked away and she was noticed, it hardly made her any less conspicuous.

Sasha had entered the disturbing pattern of walking to one end of the room and resting her head against it for several minutes, and then turning and walking to the other end, repeating the process. Mikasa heard her muttering under her breath when she would lean against the wall, but she was only to catch words like "can't", "Joe", and "fuck." Whatever misery she was dealing with she was clearly trying to hide behind a passive mask, but no one was fooled. Occasionally, she would let out a whimper and then bite her lower lip as though embarrassed at her slip, before she resumed her pattern.

Hours had passed apparently since they had been detained in the room; Jean had said that Bertholdt had said nothing beyond that they wouldn't have reception if they tried using phones and that they shouldn't have to wait much longer than half a day. Historia had demanded food for Ilse, and he had swallowed and said he would see what he could do before closing the door as Sasha made to crush him under her fist. And then, they had remained waiting, though Mikasa had found plenty to do just trying to keep herself from imploding from anxiety.

Then,

"The both of you, here, now."

A smartly dressed man, probably in his mid-twenties had entered with a very indifferent expression, gun pointing between Jean and Mikasa. She had fixed him with a glare before he added in an annoyed tone,

"Now."

So she had risen to her feet and stepped to the door with Jean just behind her as the man threw a can over her shoulder. Historia caught it and stared down at the label.

"Can't get you more than that, so make it last."

She had looked briefly as though she wanted to be grateful as she held the formula, but her eyes glowed with hate as she looked back at him. He did no more than shrugged as he closed the door and led Jean and Mikasa down the hallway.

"Stop at that last door on your right."

Doing so, she chewed her lower lip angrily, trying to decide whether it would be a good idea to try and disarm the man and take his weapon; she had no idea how much of her strength had returned, though she still felt terribly weak, her face still groaning in pain at every movement. She flexed her jaw around the makeshift brace, but couldn't open it past an inch or so.

"If you both know what's good for you, you will do nothing more than talk in a respectable way. Any funny business and things will have to get nasty."

The man pushed between them and swung the heavy duty door open and pushed them both inside before slamming the door behind them without another word.

The room was much better lit and contained a circular table and five very comfortable looking chairs; Jean cautiously made his way to one of them and slowly sat, leaning back and apparently relishing in the momentary comfort provided. Mikasa didn't dare move from where she had stopped and Jean looked around at her.

"You… want to sit?"

She didn't reply to him as the door on the other side of the room opened.

It was either a testament to her self-control or terribly weakened body that Mikasa didn't lunge for Zeke or Reiner as they entered the room. Reiner very quietly took a seat next to Jean, who cast him a subtle look of disgust. Zeke moved around the table, a couple papers in his hand which he set down and sighed; pulling out a chair, he looked up and looked to Mikasa who hadn't moved.

"Sit?"

It wasn't a demand or an order or even a request, just a simple question: would she be sitting for whatever was about to transpire? For no other reason other than she was starting to feel nauseous, she pulled out the chair furthest from him and sat beside Jean. Zeke lowered himself into the chair and gave another long sigh, as though all the problems of the world rested on his shoulder.

"Such terrible circumstances we always have to meet in."

"Why did you order Bertholdt to leave Joe and Ymir?"

The question left her before she even had time to think about it; it wasn't an honest question regardless, Bertholdt had said that anyone who had been unfit to walk was to be killed, and she was well aware she may be throwing him under the bus by consequence. But Zeke didn't seem surprised nor put off by her question as he gave her a quick glance up from his papers.

"I needed as many of you safely here as quickly as possible and excess baggage would have factored against that."

 _Excess baggage._

Heat flushed through her neck as continued to speak.

"Bert told me what happened and while I certainly understand why he did what he did, it was very irresponsible to him to not kill the Native and your boyfriend. But I'm sure you're happy knowing that perhaps they are still out there somewhere with a decent chance."

"Joe's chances are not DECENT. He was being attacked by a fucking bear when your people left him."

Looking up with a furrowed brow, Zeke gave her a look as Reiner leaned over and whispered something in his ear. His confusion turned into something more resembling very mild regret.

"I'm sorry to hear that. Bertholdt had told me the both of you were close."

 _More than you know, you fucking…_

"But I'm afraid I didn't bring you here to dwell upon lost loved ones."

She made to stand up, but as though he had detected it, Jean grabbed her wrist from under the table and squeezed tightly; it was just enough to keep her from moving as her eyes flicked to him. He didn't look back but chose to speak to their captor instead.

"So why did you? And why are we the only two talking to you?"

"Because I'm currently on a path to tear down Kenny and you two happen to be the most useful to helping me in that end. Your other friends could be posed as bargaining chips, but you two present the real advantage."

"And why would we help you?"

Jean's voice was as venomous as Mikasa had ever heard it, all pretense of diplomacy seemed to have left him. His eyes were angry and a look of betrayal seemed to sit behind them.

"You lied to us, attacked us, tried to kill us, kidnapped us, and now expect us to help you. Why in the fuck do you think we would be willing to do that?"

Zeke seemed to have expected this and he paused as though to give Jean time to cool down.

"You understand that it would be very easy for me at this point to threaten you, your family, I know you live with your mother… "

Jean sputtered briefly as Zeke continued over him.

"… but I'd really rather not. We can help each other, this could be exceedingly mutually beneficial."

Mikasa's voice was low, but carried well across the table. Despite her raging fear that didn't seem to be dwindling in the slightest, her inflection and gaze were enough to make Reiner look away, though Zeke did nothing more than lean back, meeting her eyes calmly.

"You killed my friends."

She leaned forward.

"You tried to kill ME."

With effort, she managed to keep tears from welling in her eyes.

"You left my boyfriend to die."

She could feel Jean reaching for her again.

"So, please tell me, WHY we should believe anything you say."

Sighing again, Zeke looked as though he was trying to keep from being exasperated.

"Because, honey, I'm the one who can dethrone the man who has caused you such much trouble. I'm the one who can help you get out of this whole shithole. We only did what we did because, at the time, there was no other option. You were all a threat and that was my best solution. For that I AM sorry."

She wondered if he was telling the truth, then realized it didn't matter anyway. His fate had already been sealed.

"But now, we have to work together. I mean, we don't HAVE to, but it would be very useful for both of us if we did."

Mikasa didn't reply, didn't even blink as he looked at the both of them with a pleading look in his eyes. She felt a small wave of gratitude when it seemed that Jean didn't give him anything to go off either as his gaze flicked between them; he sighed for the umpteenth time as neither of them reciprocated his amenable attitude and he nodded to Reiner. The younger man stood and exited the room, leaving no more words behind than he had entered with as Zeke turned back to them.

"This is not something I say easily. We have each other and if we are only willing to put aside what has transpired between us… "

He trailed off, swallowing, then took a deep breath, pointing to Jean.

"I need you because you are the biggest operation outside of the two big mains in town, formerly Hange Zoe's and Kenny Ackerman's. There's plenty of outside dealings, but there are those two and then you. You don't have any formal business like them, but I've seen your records. Tons of tiny transactions all over town, enough to be very substantial and they all trace back to you."

Jean seemed to be caught off by being told his business.

"I get by."

Zeke gave what seemed to be a genuine smile.

"You're good, kid, you are. That's why I need you on my side. You've left your hands in the dealings of some of your cronies, but I know you're the mastermind. We need you."

When Jean gave no response, he turned to Mikasa.

"And you."

She glared back at him.

"Your father happens to be the big man's brother."

She felt Jean's eyes move almost involuntarily to him it seemed and she felt a lump in her throat. Whatever sudden discomfort she had felt, Zeke seemed to pick up on very quickly.

"Yes, him. I had hoped I wouldn't have to be the one to tell you, but uh… "

There seemed to be a glint of satisfaction in his eyes, though his voice sounded apologetic.

"He's back in town."

Of all the things he could have said, that was the last thing Mikasa could have wanted to hear. Her head spun as she broke Zeke's eye contact and she tried hard to keep pulling in stable breathing. She couldn't have imagined anything pulling her free from her inner suffering about losing Joe again, but somehow, the mere thought of her father pushed even Joe from the forefront of her mind.

 _No._

Her father had left, and her mother had been able to pursue a life away from him at last. After kissing her daughter goodbye, she had left for the east coast, after Mikasa had assured her on end that she would be fine. And that had been a small piece of relief within the waves of sorrow over losing Joe. She had honestly not wanted to see either of them ever again. But now…

 _No._

She thought of his slouched, wide form, his piggy eyes, his meaty fists. She remembered the terror she felt when he would come home late and she would hear the front door slam followed by his heavy footsteps; from there she would have only limited time to jam her headphones in and drown the sound of her mother taking her daily hits. She remembered the pole in the unfinished office that glared at her every time she walked by. She remembered the beatings she took as she grew older, culminating in the night where she had nearly been whipped to death by her own father. She remembered flying down to California, and speaking with him before a needle in her neck resulted in her being dragged forcefully down a hall and…

 _No._

She had nothing to fall back on. Their position as a primary dealer and producer had been lost with Hange, Joe had left her again, and she was as weak as she ever had been. Why? Why had he come back?

"I can see this may be a bit of a surprise for you."

Part of her wanted to laugh hysterically at his remark, but she kept her face steeled.

"To my understanding, your father is one of the few people who ever gave Kenny reason to worry. Which makes you just as invaluable to my workings as Jean here."

Jean leaned forward, tight lipped.

"As a bargaining chip."

Zeke met his gaze just as tightly.

"As whatever she serves us best as."

When neither of them made any reply to his assertion, he shrugged.

"It surely seems fairly ridiculous to trust someone like me with something of that gravity, especially after what has happened between us. But… "

There was a sharp knock on the door and he looked to it thoughtfully.

"Perhaps a sign of good will may help us trust each other."

He barked a short command and the door opened, Reiner walking back thru. He looked considerably more uncomfortable than he had minutes ago, and when Mikasa saw who he had in tow, it wasn't difficult to understand why.

"Annie?"

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Chewing half-heartedly on the slab of meat that had been cooked all over with no regard to consistency, Ymir looked up with disdain at Joe, who was working his way around the campfire with a chunk of meat of his own.

"Don't know how it'll taste, but hopefully it'll do something for you by way of filling your stomach."

She didn't reply to him because, unfortunately, the unconventional meal tasted quite good. It was hardly something she noticed, but it was just one other factor that added to the steaming fury she was feeling towards the man across from her. Her eyes hadn't left him since she had awoken, though he hadn't seemed to pay much attention to her in turn. He had done nothing beyond carry meat from across the river and cook it for the both of them, but every movement gave him cause to either wince or grunt in pain. Behind her hate, Ymir felt a growing sense of disbelief at how he was able to move at all. As he sat down with a groan of pain across the fire and begin eating his own custom dinner, she glared at him while he watched the fire, almost appearing to be lost in thought.

"So."

He murmured something through his food by way of reply and looked at her with a disgustingly innocent look. She swallowed her food and her immediate anger before speaking.

"How in the hell did you survive being mauled by a bear and actually manage to kill the fucking thing?"

Swallowing his own food, he appeared to be pondering something as though unsure of what to say.

"I don't know. Something… just clicked and I realized I couldn't die from a fucking bear. Rolled from under it and was able to pull my knife, then when it jumped back at me, I just kept stabbing at its neck until I realized it wasn't moving."

He seemed almost regretful about what he had done, but Ymir couldn't care less if he was feeling beat up over it.

"How are you able to move at all? It looked like it had ripped you apart."

She was amazed by the calmness of her own voice, as it should have been so much more venomous. Rotating his shoulder and hissing, he shrugged.

"Wasn't able to for a bit. Pain was bad enough that every movement was enough to freeze me, it hurt so bad. Kinda like pulling a Band-Aid of some wound that has hair on it; even a little pull hurts, except just multiply that effect by a lot."

Pulling his arms around his knees, he looked at his makeshift fire, eyes glowing against the dancing flames.

"Other than a lot of cuts and slashes, my shoulder being dislocated was as bad as the wounds went. I was able to lower my back into the river when I finally got the courage enough to walk and that hurt like CRAZY but it numbed the pain and hopefully cleaned the slashes."

"How'd you manage to fix your shoulder then?"

He smiled almost sadly.

"Ran into a tree until it popped back into place."

Despite her overwhelming ire towards him, Ymir couldn't help shaking her head at that.

"Jesus fucking Christ."

"Yeah, wasn't pretty. Every time I screwed up, I would have to wait twenty minutes to stop crying in pain before I was ready to try it again. Finally did work though."

She said nothing more after that, feeling there was little else to ask. Of course Joe had survived it, he had survived worse before, he could survive anything. The bastard was as invincible as anything the world had ever seen, you think him dead and he would just come back just as ready to jump back into the next death-defying situation. No matter how many times he was shot, slashed, beaten, raped, he would just bounce back and there wasn't a damn thing that…

"I'm surprised you haven't tried to kill me yet."

Jarred from her hateful musings, she looked at him. His eyes were wary, but soft.

"So am I."

Reaching to his side, he picked up a stick and poked gently at the fire.

"That's why you and Mikasa were fighting, right? It was about me."

She didn't answer, but her silence acted as though she had shouted "yes" at the top of her lungs. He looked down.

"It's always me."

It wasn't said as though he thought of himself as important, more as though he hated his position of being at the center of so many conflicts.

"She was being a bitch to me, saying stupid shit, and so I cornered her and started saying stupid shit back and we fought."

If only it could be as simple as that. Joe looked at her with regret in his eyes.

"Do you know why she was being like that to you?"

He said it as a genuine question and she shrugged.

"I have an idea. She sees Ilse and is reminded that you gave someone that wasn't her a child. She resents Ilse and Historia for that and, by consequence, me."

Ymir clenched a fist and drove it at the frozen ground, relishing the numbing pain that came.

"I'm the easiest target I think."

He nodded and continued jabbing lightly at the fire; Ymir grit her teeth and leaned back, closing her eyes.

"God DAMN it, Joe!"

Her brief outburst sent his eyes flicking nervously to her as he kept his mouth as tightly sealed as he seemed able.

"Why couldn't you have knocked up Mikasa instead?! You love her, don't you?!"

His voice came out quietly, but there was a healthy amount of conviction in it.

"Yes."

"Then why, WHY, couldn't you have fucked the shit out of her instead of Historia?! Filled her up like I know she fucking loves and give HER a kid?! If you had just done that, I wouldn't have to hate you, I wouldn't have to hate Mikasa, I wouldn't have to hate my useless fucking self!"

She wholeheartedly expected him to remain silent at her outburst, but he spoke the minute she stopped to take in air.

"I know you want me to conjure up some kind of explanation as to why we did what we did. But there isn't anything I can say, Ymir. Nothing that could ease how much this must hurt. We both took to awful levels of being intoxicated and spent the night together. It's just that simple."

Ymir was on her feet without any recollection of having stood.

"How can you say that it's SIMPLE?! It's anything but fucking SIMPLE!"

He made no physical response to her aggressive words and movements, simply stared into the fire thoughtfully.

"No, I guess it isn't."

She remained on her feet for close to a minute, breathing heavily and feeling rage howl for his death, by drowning, by beating, by stabbing, by fucking ANYTHING. But Ymir realized that her body wouldn't move. She wanted to attack him and erase him from the future of all of them, but she couldn't.

 _Why? Why can't I just finish him?_

Against her emotions, she slowly returned to sitting and bit a heavy chunk of meat from her slab. Chewing viciously, she let her limitless anger steam away into the winter sky, wondering why in the world killing Joe had become something she couldn't manage.

"I can't let you kill me, Ymir."

His words were so matter-of-fact, so coincidental, that she couldn't help but look to him swiftly. He didn't look back, but turned to look at the sun which was dipping towards the horizon.

"On one hand, I actually think I would welcome you leaping onto me and choking me to death, or clubbing me, or whatever. I actually do."

He looked back and she saw a strange look of acceptance on his face.

"You hate me, Ymir, you hate me a lot. But you can't hate me more than I hate myself."

Grinding her knuckles against the ground, she snorted her disbelief, and tried with every bit of her will to ignore the possibility that he could be right. He stood, slowly and with a great deal of pain on his face.

"I've left my parents and brother behind. I'll never be able to see them again, and they think I'm dead. I drove a wedge between you and Historia, one that you'll probably be able to shift around to make it more comfortable, but you'll never be able to pull out. I lied to Florian acted like the two of us would be able to escape this life together. I'm the reason Ilse is dead. That Annie is dead. That Mina is Marco, Petra, and Frieda are dead. And I've caused the person I love more than anything to feel more pain than I could possibly imagine."

He gave a frighteningly hearty laugh.

"That's a lot of shit to hate, you know?"

She swallowed but said nothing. He looked as though he had almost forgotten she was there.

"In the next hour, I'm hiking out of here. I found the tracks that the people who took everyone left behind. I'll follow them, and find them."

A short and raspy cough pulled itself up from his throat.

"I think I'm dying, Ymir. I would have welcomed that before I realized what I know now, something I should have known months ago. And it's the reason I can't die."

He looked to her then and there was a fiery conviction that she couldn't recall seeing before.

"I hate myself. A lot. But Mikasa needs me. And I know that now. I used to think that she would be able to get over me maybe. That she could move on from me. But I've heard what she was like after I left. And I've talked to her since I came back. And I know now that I can't leave her again."

Dropping his stick, he sighed.

"I hate, I HATE, that the thing that makes her happy is me. I would give anything for her to be able to live without a disgusting piece of shit like me, but I know that I can't let her go. I love her so much and I know she feels the same way about me. She needs me. And I need her."

Despite everything, Ymir found herself perhaps believing that what he was saying was true.

"I don't think it will, but someday that may change. Where I stop being the thing that keeps her happy."

And he met her eyes again, challenge now blossoming in his own.

"On that day, you have my permission to kill me."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Where is my daughter?"

"She's… somewhere, I'm sure, we've been looking."

….

"She's trouble, I know. But I need her back."

"I know. And you'll get her."

"I will. You will find her for me."

"I will, brother, please believe that."

….

"I need her just one last time. And then, no one will ever need her again. They won't be able to."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I think you have a pretty good idea of what it mean, brother. Find my bitch of a daughter. And then she won't be a problem for anyone ever again."


	48. Chapter 48

He hadn't been dishonest when he said he felt like he was dying.

The pain he was in was worse than anything he could ever recall having felt, from the throbbing stabs in his waist, to the burning flashes of agony in his back, to the thumping misery in his shoulder, there wasn't much that led him to believe he was in anything other than dire straits. He knew he had to leave tonight, not just because he didn't think he was capable of waiting any longer than that, but also because he didn't know if he would survive longer than that.

In a show of surprising restraint, he had decided to almost completely stop watching Ymir. He didn't know if she had bought what he had said, despite it being as truthful as anything he had ever said, but it didn't matter if she did or not. He knew nothing would stop her from hating the hell out of him, and he didn't blame her. If she had an attempt on him though, he would kill her. He didn't have a choice.

"When are you heading out?"

She asked him almost cautiously and he saw her in his peripheral standing straight and rigid as though expecting him to transform into some terrifying monster any second. Kicking out the remnants of the fire, he straightened himself and groaned as his back howled at his nerves.

"Gonna double back across the river and make sure nothing's been left of any real importance, then right after that, I'm out of here."

As he turned his back to her again, she made no reply and he assumed she had only nodded, if that.

"I'm coming with you."

Hearing this surprised him, not because he hadn't been expecting it, but because of how it had been phrased. "I'm gonna follow your wretched, fucking ass out of here", or "don't think I'm letting you walk of here alone to ruin their lives even more" would have been a lot more in line with what he had been assuming she would say. Nonetheless, it was slightly uplifting to hear.

"I know."

Her relative silence she had maintained for over the past hour had him considerably worried. Joe knew that silence and calm from Ymir rarely meant silence or calm. Rather, she could be looking for a moment to stab him between the shoulder blades, or resisting so much anger that it was amazing her eyes didn't pop from her head. He had seen her like this before and had borne witness to the eruption of emotion and, or, violence that normally followed. It unsettled him, but he still wasn't worried for himself. He was worried for her if she tried anything.

" _Don't worry pal, that's what I'm in here for."_

Hearing Dust back in his head had been refreshing for about one second. Knowing that the looming presence now was roaming freely once more in the confines of his mind was just as worrying a thought as imagining Ymir tackling him to the ground and trying to drown him. On one hand, having Dust alongside him assured that he would have seldom to fear from a physical assault; his shadowy friend could outmatch the reflexes and strength of just about any living thing to his knowledge, but that knowledge put him in fear for Ymir's life. If she attacked him…

 _Will I be able to keep Dust from killing her? Just subdue her to the point where she can't keep attacking me? Will… will I be able to control him?_

He thought to the breakfast at the cabin where he had told everyone, in no uncertain terms, that if he was to become as Dust, he wanted to be killed. He needed to be killed.

 _And now… I didn't have a choice. I let him back in, to save me from that bear. And now… if I ever need to rely on him again…_

The thought of him standing over Ymir's crumpled form with no way of preventing himself from stopping sent a shiver down his spine that had nothing to do with the cold air that wisped around them; the sky was growing darker and he knew that if he wanted to make this trip, it was now or never.

He managed a final trip across the river with Ymir just behind him and he looked down over the supplies left behind that he hadn't used yet. Little was there beyond some medical supplies and guns; he took one pistol and handed another to Ymir who snatched it from him a little too quickly. He watched her as she looked down at it and then at him. Her eyes flashed dangerously in the twilight, but after a moment, she shrugged.

"What?"

And then she slid it out of sight behind her, tucking it into her pants. Joe allowed himself to take his hand of his own gun and walked tenderly to the river. Sitting just at the bank, he pulled off his shirt and undid his crude attempt at bandages before laying himself back and gasping as the frigid water washed over his wounds. His body shuddered uncontrollably at the feeling and he found himself wishing terribly for the chance to slide into a hot tub. Lifting himself out just as gingerly, he began to awkwardly rework his bandages, a more trying feet when one of his arms was only barely functioning. Ymir made no offer or attempt to help him, just looked back the way they had come as she waited for him to finish. After nearly twenty minutes, he was able to push himself back to his feet and sign.

"Shall we go?"

She shrugged and he moved in the direction of the very faint tracks that he had spotted earlier. When they reached the tundra-like plains where he knew the majority of their hike would present itself, following tracks would become close to impossible with how distorted they would have become, but he had a strong idea in his head of where they needed to head. The hairs on the back of his neck rose slightly as he realized they would be walking for hours and Ymir would be behind him for the entire trek. He didn't even trust himself to stay upright the whole way, let alone have someone who wanted to kill him follow behind.

" _Don't sweat it, bud, I got your back."_

Joe grit his teeth as the sound of the river finally began to fade away, replaced by the silence of the stars and the brush and frosted ground underfoot.

"That's what I'm afraid of."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Of all the things she had expected when Reiner had unexpectedly drug her off from her room down the hall, Annie could not have been more shocked when the door opened and she was shoved through.

 _Mika._

She who had always been so close and yet so far was now not two or three meters from her. Her emotions raged so suddenly that her usual cold and passive demeanor almost shattered with a single breath.

 _She's alive._

Alive may have been a little strong a word; her friend looked to have been pounded in the face with a hammer before coming to be before her now. Her face was heavily beaten with bandages displaced across it, but even the now-present scarring couldn't hide the shock that flashed across her face that Annie was sure would have been reflected on her own face had she let it. Next to her at the table, Jean's eyes flashed with genuine confusion.

"… Annie?"

The tone of his voice as well as the unblinking stare Mikasa had fixed her with suddenly caused the truth to spring to her mind.

 _They thought I was dead._

To her right, Zeke rotated in his chair and looked between them and Annie could sense the weariness in his voice.

"Well, say hi and all that."

Not paying a single thought to what her captors believed at her actions, Annie rushed across the short room and wrapped the taller girl in as tight a hug she could manage. It was as emotional a gesture as it was assurance that who she had been staring at was real. Very slowly, she felt arms wrap around her as well, just as hindered by the disbelief their owner was harboring. Annie became gradually aware that Zeke was talking, but she didn't care enough to process what he was saying. Surely something about how he had reunited them and now they owed him for his grace in allowing them to live and see each other again. She didn't care.

After what must've been near a minute, she stepped back, not letting go of Mikasa's forearms. A crazed, lustful part of her wanted to lunge forward and kiss that terribly damaged face, but as she fought down the urge, a terrible thought crossed her mind as her gaze flicked between Mikasa and Jean.

"You two… are the only ones?"

Her knees became weak as Jean quickly shook his head. From the front of the table, Zeke rolled his eyes and waved at Reiner.

"Take the three back. Give em' all maybe a couple hours to nap and then let them know what's expected."

He stood and exited the door Annie had come through and she watched him depart.

 _What's expected._

She hadn't a clue what he meant, but at the moment, all she cared about was seeing everyone else who had survived the woods that so much hell had been experienced in.

 _And I don't even know what happened past everyone leaving the cabin._

The sight of Mikasa's face sent fresh chills down her spine as they were led from the room, not due to the damage that had been dealt to it, but due to wondering how it had gotten that way. Leaning into her friend, she rested her head against Mikasa's arm as they were marched back to their holding room.

"What happened to you?"

Years ago, Mikasa might have replied with a smile as she spoke those four words Annie had heard before, but the only thing the blonde was able to pick up on her friend's face was a very dead stare.

"It's a long story."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

She watched him hike, every step he took punctuated by a restrained groan or snarl. He was as much an animal now as the bear he had somehow managed to kill, all thought of safe and sensible ideals gone, replaced by a single, underlying truth that he had drilled into his mind. His movements were sharp and deliberate, not once as the hours ticked on and the moon passed above them did he slow in his steps once. A simple mission had rolled over his conscience and he wasn't going to stop until it was carried out.

Ymir had fallen a good twenty feet behind him just as much for her own safety as his. She still hadn't a clue if she believed what he had said, but he was right. She did hate him. Probably more than he guessed, but an attempt at him now may very well be just as dangerous for her. Despite his more battered and damaged body, she was as tired and achy as she had ever felt and she knew that in his state, if she went for him, it could very well wind up with her dead instead. This frozen godforsaken tundra would not be where she breathed her last. Her hate roiled almost unbearably in her stomach, but she was able to fight it down every moment she felt like putting a bullet in his head. And so, she had fallen in line, eyes never leaving him just as his never left the path he believed would take them to the same safety the others had hopefully found.

Neither of them were sure what had become of their companions, but their disappearance without coming for either Joe or Ymir suggested they hadn't left by choice. In the initial first few steps they had taken of their hike, Joe had been playing with a couple possibilities.

"I'd guess the Klan again, but I don't know why they would have made off with everybody. They wanted to kill us, not take us captive."

Ymir had nodded with his talking which seemed to be as directed at himself as her anyways. She had her own thoughts as to what had happened, but had seen no reason to share with him.

"I didn't see any blood besides what I'm pretty sure was mine… so, hopefully, they're alright, wherever they are."

His hopefulness was about as futile as anything he had offered Ymir by way of comfort thus far; worry was contending strongly with her contempt for the man she was walking with. She knew that Historia was a far better person than her to be taking care of Ilse, but the thought of the both of them on their own with likely some very dangerous captors sent shards of fear into her heart every time she thought of it. Every time the ideas began to creep into her mind, she would refocus on her hate for Joe, and the walk would become tolerably easier. Her fingers rubbed against the handle of the pistol she had elected to carry far more than once; it took more willpower than she would care to admit to keep her from drawing on him.

After what seemed close to three or so hours, Ymir was surprised when her feet slipped suddenly on a surface that was much smoother than the bumpy frozen tundra they had been walking on. Joe had stopped as well and was looking around at what, on a glance, revealed itself to be a road. Had they not felt it beneath their feet, it was entirely possible that they would have missed it entirely. It blended perfectly with the tundra that looked relatively flat under the cover of night, but underfoot, its difference was obvious and palpable. Raising her eyes to Joe, Ymir resumed watching him carefully.

"Now what?"

He made no reply, turning his head gently left and right as though he had expected something else. Then, as if on cue, a very dim light was cast over his face as, what could have been at least a mile away, headlights pitched over the road, drawing nearer as the faint hum of an engine became noticeable. In the slowly growing light, Ymir stepped next to Joe to block the road from being passed in case the driver had no intention of stopping to examine the two sickly looking people who were impeding his progress. Ymir glanced to her left as they waited in near silence for the car to reach them and she was caught somewhat off guard by the smile he was wearing. It wasn't like the one he had worn when he had claimed to be overtaken by another personality. It was the one she had seen on his face multiple times what felt like years ago, whether he was laughing beside Sasha and Ilse, holding hands with Mikasa, or simply leaning back and listening to two or more of them bicker. It was a real smile, a genuine one.

One he didn't deserve to wear.

 _No._

Rage gripped her entire body then, enough to briefly paralyze her.

 _You won't._

Even in the very low light, Ymir could see red.

 _I won't._

Paying no mind to the approaching car, and fully prepared to deal with the consequences if the driver saw her, Ymir reached behind her and drew her sidearm. Pulling the hammer back, she directed it towards his temple, finally allowing the murderous snarl she had wanted to release for so long cross her face.

 _HE won't._

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

As impossible and amazing as it was to see Annie standing amongst them once again after they all believed her to be well dead, Historia could feel the relief and happiness of the surprise begin to wear down quickly throughout the group, replaced by anxiety and a sense of dread. Sasha had begun bawling almost immediately, leaping into Annie's arms who winced and briefly clutched her gunshot wounds; the blonde had leaned against a wall, holding Sasha as best as she was able, while the brunette howled and demanded to know why Annie had asked her to leave her in the woods and how she would never forgive her as long as she lived. A rare smile crossed Annie's face as she held her friend, but it faded as her eyes flicked to Mikasa. As Sasha's crying softened, she had directed the question at all of them, while her eyes didn't leave the gaze of the taller girl's.

"What happened?"

As expected, not a single one of them wanted to explain what had happened upon their desperate flight after Ilse's death, but within seconds, Historia found herself carrying out a detailed description of all that had happened as matter-of-factly as if she were giving a history lecture to a class. Ilse began hiccupping over her shoulder and she began rocking the baby and patting her back in rhythm with her motions while she spoke.

She talked about walking into the Klan's ambush, about seeing Kenny again and his request to kill them all save for Mikasa, Jean and Levi. Stuttering a bit, Florian and Mikasa helped her get through the brief details of the rape before Ymir and Joe's swift actions allowed them to take down their captors. There was a harsh pause then, before Mikasa plowed over the details of Joe's "condition" which caused most everyone to fix her with a look of some kind, though Annie didn't seem to notice. Historia fixed her mouth into a tight line as she watched the taller girl steam ahead with the story.

 _How can she expect to hide that… even… even if he is dead…_

By the time the story finished with them being forced to leave Ymir and Joe behind to accompany Bertholdt back to Zeke's compound, Annie looked as drained as Historia felt just having to relive the story. By now, they were all sitting against the walls of what was essentially their cell; Sasha had curled into a ball, head on Annie's chest while the blonde held her like a dejected dog. Shaking her head, Annie looked around.

"I thought I had it bad."

Her eyes glowed then, with a spark of life.

"You mentioned that you lost Levi. He's here."

Everyone's gaze flicked to her then as the mention of him brought the thought of a chance back into their veins. Historia didn't dare let hope swell through her though; she had been allowed her hopes to rise and then be terribly dashed enough in the past week. Annie's face dropped slightly.

"Well, he was. Zeke tried to use me to get your location, but he didn't fall for it. I don't know what happened to him, but it sounded like he was going to let him go."

She shrugged.

"Or kill him."

Silence fell as the despairing thoughtfulness overtook the group of them. After close to a minute where the only sound was of Sasha sniffing, Jean let out a sigh of finality.

"For now, we can't know much of anything. Zeke said we wouldn't be bothered for a few hours; we ought to try and get at least a little rest while we can."

Historia couldn't think of anything further from her mind then sleep, but the consensus seemed to be in agreement with his suggestion. One by one, the inmates of the room began stretching themselves in various corners and against walls, using jackets as pillows and trying to find that sweet spot that would allow sleep. Historia watched them all, feeling a pang in her gut as Annie leaned back against the wall and Sasha laid herself on her lap; the pair closed their eyes and began taking in deep breathes along with everyone else, and within the next ten minutes, exhaustion did its job.

As she watched her friends sleep, Historia felt a wave of affection wash over her as she leaned against the wall, cradling Ilse. She couldn't bring herself to sleep, not yet at least; it must've been still early in the evening at least relatively, actual weariness was not present in her veins. Either that, or her fear for losing Ymir had her in a chokehold. She sighed.

What if the bear had killed Joe and then gone on to her? Killed her before she even had a chance to wake up and fight back? What if some other animal had come along and gotten to her instead? Or what if the Klan had followed them and caught up and Ymir had been the only thing they had been able to…

 _Stop._

No point speculating. Not about this.

Hours passed and Historia felt herself drift off more than once, never to actual sleep, but enough that she could tell real time had passed since she had closed her eyes. Ilse rested in a makeshift cradle of a jacket, and had drifted off incredibly easily, still so innocent to the dangers that roared around her. The food Zeke had provided had been enough for the evening, but Historia knew it wouldn't last.

 _What does he want with us?_

She put her head between her knees and began to cry as quietly as she could.

 _Why can't the world just leave us be?! We'll leave, we'll never come back, just stop trying to take everything away from me!_

Not able to stop herself, she punched the ground with a shaking fist. A resounding boom caused her to jump as her digits met the ground and the others around her awoke with a start. Blinking in dazed confusion, she looked at her clenched hand.

 _Did I do that?_

Another booming thud followed by growled voices on the other side of the door caused Historia to realize that the sound had not come from her but rather one of the two arguing parties that seemed to be having a strong disagreement on the other side of the door. Around her, her friends began to rise to her feet; Florian inched over and Historia gripped her sister's arm. The voices from the other side of the door were too muffled to make out words, but the anger was clear in both of the tones. Mikasa and Jean had almost involuntarily moved closer together as if to block whatever wrath was about to enter the room from striking anyone else before the door banged violently open. Reiner's voice became audible and clear, then.

"You stubborn… ! Whatever, not like it matters… "

For the briefest instant, Historia saw his chiseled form around the doorframe before her eyes landed on the person who he had been arguing with. Her heart stopped as quickly as her breathing and she felt her eyes well with tears immediately.

"You… you… "

Her voice was weak and pained as she struggled even to take a step forward. Standing alone in the hall ahead of her, Ymir blinked back at her, eyes just as wide as Historia knew hers were. The taller girl finally shrugged meekly.

"Sorry for the scare, girl."

Historia gasped and ran forward, collapsing in her Ymir's arms and began to sob in her shoulder, just as loudly and pathetically as Sasha had hours prior. She felt herself guided to where she had been resting by her girlfriend and looked out of the comfort of Ymir's shoulder to see her brushing a bemused looking Ilse across the cheek and let out a long sigh.

"Thank God."

She slid against the wall then, holding Historia tight to her, and there, in the cramped, uncomfortable holding room, the blonde wished they could remain forever.


	49. Chapter 49

**AN: So this is essentially the second half of Chapter 48; it was originally one big thing, but it was way too long, so I cut it in half. Having put out Chapter 48 though, it felt poor in how I ended it, plus I also just can't stand sitting on a finished chapter, so here you all are. I know most people won't complain about an early chapter, but that's just the reasoning as to why this is going up as drastically early as it is. Hope you enjoy!**

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"You look pretty shitty."

"Appreciate it."

"Resilient if nothing else, I'm surprised you're able to talk to me after my doctors worked on you for only a couple hours."

"Resilient… I've been told that before."

"Hmm. Final insult I would guess, being attacked by one of your friends just as Galliard found you."

"I… I don't know if you could call us friends anymore."

"By whose decision?"

"Wouldn't call it a decision. More of a result of rash actions."

"I guess I'm familiar with those."

"Believe me, probably not like this."

Zeke leaned against the door, glasses reflecting very lightly in the dim lamp beside Joe's bed. Propped up gently on a couple pillows he had been provided with, Joe looked back at the older man, hardly willing to even blink.

"Bert tells me you were attacked by a bear. As well as shot."

Rubbing his waist gently, Joe winced.

"As well as shot."

He felt a very slightly anxious question on the tip of his tongue and threw it before he could change his mind.

"Any lasting damage?"

A shake of the head sent a brief wave of relief through his aching gut where Ymir had hit him.

"No, doesn't seem like it, unless your gunshot produces an infection or something. No, it was a lot of damage, but nothing that won't heal to the point where you'll be able to function fairly regularly again. In fact, if we pumped you with the right painkillers, you'd probably be able to walk around now."

The very thought of walking in general was enough to nauseate Joe briefly and that, along with his pain, caused him to gag. Zeke tilted his head.

"You gonna throw up?"

Joe shook his head while swallowing.

"Nah, I'm good."

Turning and looking back at the windowless door behind him, Zeke seemed to be seriously contemplating something. Joe kept his mouth closed as well; two towering questions remained at the very front of this thoughts, both of which he was worried about the answer. Firstly, where was Mikasa and was she alright. And second, why in the world, after his man had delivered both Ymir and himself, had Zeke elected to speedily have his medical team patch Joe up quickly and efficiently? As far as Joe had known, Zeke and the lot of them were not friends; why would he bother to help someone like him?

"Still can't believe how fortunate it was that Galliard just happened to be making a run for me at that late hour. And just happened to stumble upon the both of you rolling the street like children."

Zeke gave a low chuckle.

"He admitted at first he thought you were having sex."

Joe shifted to a more comfortable position, not cracking a smile at the misperception.

"Believe me, nothing could be further from the truth."

"Family squabble?"

"Something like that."

Zeke nodded and looked down.

"Your friends don't know I'm speaking to you now. I'd rather it stayed that way."

 _Uh-oh._

"Might I ask why?"

Leaving his spot by the door, Zeke meandered over and sat down backwards on the chair that had been facing away from Joe's bedside.

"Tomorrow, I have to take some of your friends into a meeting with Police Chief Ackerman, the mayor, and several other men who may have a chance at having a place of power in this city, or who already do."

Joe didn't even feel surprised, more so disappointed. Of course this was coming.

"To offer as a trade for a place in his circle."

Zeke wet his lips and looked down, pausing for a long enough time that Joe thought he was going to change the subject.

"I want to make this very plain, and I only want to do it once. I do not want to become Kenny Ackerman's ally."

He looked on at Joe with raised eyebrows the way a teacher does when they've offered a student a hint towards a difficult answer. What he was hinting at was fairly obvious and Joe stretched his neck to the left.

"You want to depose him? Take his place?"

Bouncing very gently in his seat as though both satisfied and unsatisfied with the answer, Zeke tilted his head back and forth.

"Close enough. I want him gone, and I want in. Perhaps not to take his place myself, but… "

He trailed off and Joe realized that was not something that Zeke wanted him to know. The older man leaned forward then, with a very politely exasperated look on his face.

"Look, you and your friends have apparently made the life of Mr. Ackerman fairly miserable. That, ultimately, makes you all very valuable to me, for different reasons."

Joe nodded, allowing himself to rephrase his earlier statement.

"To offer to get in his favor."

Zeke still looked displeased with this answer.

"I don't like how that's phrased."

"How else could you phrase it?"

…

"Bargaining chips?"

"I mean, it doesn't matter how you put it. That's all we are to you."

A sad smile playing across his weathered features, Zeke glanced up and down the bed.

"You're probably wondering why I bothered to fix you up as nicely as I did, if you really think that's all you are to me."

While he had struck the nail on the head, Joe tried not to appear surprised or rustled.

"I guess."

It was as passive an answer as he could manage and one that seemed to work on Zeke as one that didn't make him appear anxious. The older man stood and leaned against the top rail of the chair, swinging a foot almost as though he was daydreaming.

"I like to have backup plans. And YOU… "

He pointed with a sharp, unshaking finger.

"I have heard plenty about you that would suggest you are better to me as an ally than as a bargaining chip."

Ever since Zeke had entered the room, had rested against the closed door, Joe's anger towards the man had done nothing but billow and expand. This was the man who had caused Petra and Marco to be killed and who had tried to betray them at the first cabin. He saw them as nothing more than chess pieces that he could dispose of or use in any way he saw fit; that had been something Joe was able to deal with to a point, but hearing him talk as though the rest of his friends would be tossed like poker chips while he hung back and assisted the man who had thrown them to the wolves was almost enough to cause him to shoot out of the bed in fury. In the timespan of a second, he threw the rage to Dust who caught it and slammed a heel on its throat. He took a deep breath to make sure his voice wouldn't shake when it came out.

"How do you figure?"

Zeke began to pace slowly around the room with his hands behind his back.

"While ago, I met with two of your pals, at least, before you ditched them for the country."

It was clearly meant as nothing more than a playful jab, but Joe's knuckles popped quietly under the bedspread.

"Sasha and the poor girl who we recently lost, Ilse."

 _You don't GET to say "we"._

"We talked about a great number of things until I believe Reiner brought up you. They were pretty short when I asked for particulars about you, and I imagine you know why. Heard a lot about how your instincts are normally right, albeit dangerous, and how you are a hell of a good shot, particularly with a… Colt service revolver?"

He didn't look as though he knew exactly what kind of gun, but it hardly mattered.

"So I think that I would rather have you on my side then up front, dealing with the big man on campus."

It wasn't posed as a question, but it was as good as one. Zeke's face was expectant as though he was awaiting a whole-hearted "of course I'll work for you!" and while Joe had no intention of saying anything remotely similar, something stopped him from outright denying it. He instead rotated his bad shoulder and looked away.

"Where's… "

He came very close to saying her name, and while he imagined Zeke already knew of their relationship, he didn't want to reveal any signs of immediate weakness. She was by far his greatest.

"… everyone else?"

Zeke put up his hands as though upset that Joe had to ask.

"Fine. They're all fine. I'm holding them in one of my rooms now, though, I intend to allow you all free reign over this floor of the building. You'll be able to see them shortly."

The answer was only half what he wanted to hear, before Zeke raised an eyebrow knowingly.

"Miss Ackerman is doing well, facial injuries aside. They're not as bad as they may appear, and they already look better than when she arrived. Other than a mild concussion, any lasting damage will be minor."

Fixing his gaze on his lap, Joe nodded, taking in a deep, shaky breath.

"I can tell the two of you are very much in love."

As Zeke's voice softened, Joe almost couldn't stop his eyes from burning with tears.

"Yeah."

Leaning against the bedframe and looking on with kindly eyes, Zeke spoke without blinking.

"Please understand that if I could find another way to get into Chief Ackerman's favor without having to use your friends, I would. Antagonizing you all was a mistake, one that I would take back if I could."

Shaking his head, Joe opened his mouth, digging desperately for something to say.

 _I can't trust him, I CAN'T, but he seems… genuine. Like if I was able to present him with something that would work to a greater advantage, he would take it. But… he tried to KILL us…_

That was the nature of the business though, and Joe knew that. Killing was just as much a part of this underground kingdom as were the drugs and other illegals that were peddled. Could he really blame Zeke for looking out for his own interests?

 _Not like we haven't done the same thing. Levi told me plenty in those letters, about all the shit that went down with Hange's crowd, and it was fine without me, just as much…_

And a single, golden key seemed to slide into place in his brain.

 _It's a long shot… a hundred reasons it couldn't work… but if it did… I can save everyone._

His eyes widened, as he felt his chest tighten considerably; Zeke had turned and looked to be as though he was ready to leave.

"Wait."

The older man stopped and looked back. Joe met his eyes, trying not to let the excitement get to him as Dust patted him on the back in congratulations.

"I think I might know of something. Something that will put Kenny under your thumb in a heartbeat."

Zeke turned and crossed his arms, suspicion, but also a glimmer of hope appearing on his features.

"Do tell."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Reiner remained standing in the doorway behind them all as Ymir explained as calmly as she could how they had made it out of the vast forest and frozen plains alive. Strangely, she found no need to embellish the story or change anything about it, partially because she felt no need to lie about any part of it, save one, and because if Reiner ran a story back to Zeke that conflicted with the one that she had originally told him, that could spell trouble. She had to take brief pauses whenever Historia would let out a particularly loud sob, or when Sasha or Florian interrupted her with a question, but it was a fairly uneventful story for the most part. She had done her best not to make eye contact with Mikasa, who she didn't want to look at just as much as she was sure the other girl didn't want to see her back.

"… and that was pretty much the end of it. Car stopped and Zeke's man got out, recognized us apparently, and drove us back."

She smiled down at her girlfriend and her baby as Historia hiccupped and reached for her bandaged wrist.

"What happened to your hand?"

Ymir shrugged weakly.

"Tripped onto it. Moron that I am."

This earned a watery chuckle from the blonde and a genuine laugh from both Sasha and Florian; the latter shook her head while smiling.

"You drag yourself out of all that… and you trip and sprain your wrist."

Galliard had zip-tied both Joe and Ymir upon separating them and had dumped them in the backseat; upon completing a twenty minute drive to Zeke's compound, the older man had been waiting for them as Galliard had called in ahead, stating what he had picked up. He had pulled Ymir out of the car by her wrist and she had screamed when he did, causing Zeke to stop his compatriot and ask if her wrist was hurt. Before she could manage a word to the man whom she feared more than anyone, Joe had spoken up from behind her, stating she had tripped and he had screwed up catching her when she fell, causing her wrist to sprain. She hadn't expected him to lie on her behalf, and she didn't want to be even the slightest bit grateful to him, but now, as she spoke to her friends with Mikasa towering like a silent hurricane nearby, she was very glad that he had.

"You don't make it sound very flattering, sweetheart."

Florian shook her head again and Ymir smiled back, hiding the most brutal lie behind her expression. Of course she hadn't tripped and fallen, but she wasn't about to admit that, while pointing her gun at the back of Joe's head, he had spun and smacked her wrist with the butt of his own, spraining it. This started a brief brawl that Ymir was sure she would have won, if the man she now knew as Galliard hadn't arrived and broken them up.

 _Could I really have killed him there?_

The moment she had finished her story, Mikasa straightened and walked to the door as though she were an angry passenger and Reiner was an overworked airport attendant.

"I want to see Joe."

"You'll get to see him."

"I want to see him now."

The mood of the room begin to drift into a more tense volume; Sasha and Annie both walked to respective sides of Mikasa, ready to hold her back if push came to shove. Reiner crossed his large arms and didn't seem fazed, though Ymir knew that even in her battered state, Mikasa was just as much a force of nature as ever.

"Mika, please. Just wait a little longer and I'll be able to let you all… "

"Reiner, if you don't move, I'll snap your neck like a… "

The uncommon verbal threat was interrupted as footsteps hurried down the hall behind the tall blonde man, heralding a voice that sounded just as hurried.

"Alright, alright, alright, sorry to keep you all waiting!"

Reiner was bustled aside by a now very-rushed looking Zeke. Every hair on the back of Ymir's neck stood as his gaze passed over her, but he didn't seem to recognize her still.

 _How many kids did you fucking rape, you sick fuck, that you don't recognize one of your victims when they're standing right fucking in front of…_

Her sudden chaotic musings were cut off as Zeke looked around at them as though they were upset guests at his hotel.

"My apologies for the quarters you have been presented with presently, but now, you are free to use this floor as you will; there are multiple bedrooms, a bathroom with a shower, and a pantry with plenty of food and drink if that fancies you. I hate to say that I must ask you to stay here the night, as tomorrow there will be more we will have to discuss."

Ymir remembered talk of Kenny's big meeting with the mayor and other individuals.

 _Probably getting ready to offer us up as sacrificial lambs or some such shit._

There was nothing she could do about this, and her exhaustion made her not even care that they were being forced to reside in the compound; whatever bed was provided to her now, she would take. Mikasa directed her eyes to Zeke, unblinking.

"Where's Joe."

Not a question, and not remotely polite. Zeke didn't seem to mind this, and nodded, smiling.

"His room is at the end of the hall, best equipped to accommodate him, considering his injuries."

She made to brush past him without another word, but he caught her arm.

"But first, there are a couple things the two of us need to discuss privately."

His face was still adorned with a kind smile, but there was a stern look in his eyes. Mikasa looked for a moment as though his request would be rudely and sharply denied, but after a moment, her mouth became a tight line.

"Fine."

Bowing his head gratefully, he gestured down the hall and Mikasa swept out of the room without a look back with Zeke hurrying after her long strides. Looking after them, Reiner glanced around, looking suddenly very uncomfortable; with glares from Jean, Sasha, and Historia, Ymir could understand why.

 _Went so many years knowing him growing up, and then he turns around and stabs us in the back… yeah, how's that feel, big man?_

She ultimately knew she owed Reiner more than anyone else working against them, but in that moment, she despised him along with everyone else. Scratching his short blonde hair, he backed out of the doorway.

"Well uh, see you around… I guess."

And he was gone, the same way Mikasa and Zeke had come. For several seconds, no one seemed willing to move. Then, Ymir stood and pulled Historia by the arm and picking up the baby with her other. The blonde seemed surprised at his sudden show of assertion as Ymir took the both of them down the hall to find one of the bedrooms Zeke had mentioned, but Ymir wasn't worried. Not now anyway.

She had her family again.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Walking down the dim hallway as the sound of her company dispersing faded behind her, Sasha wondered how good of an idea it would be to see Joe before anyone else did. Before Mikasa did. Zeke had made it sound like there was a good deal the both of them needed to discuss, so it wasn't like she would be able to see him quickly anyway.

As stated, the door was the very last one down the hall, dead center and windowless. There was no light pane over the entrance nor leading up to it, and Sasha fought back the idea that it looked like a cell in a psych ward.

 _Apt as that might be._

Pushing the door open, thankful that it didn't squeak, but she needn't have worried. Joe's eyes opened as soon as she stepped in and he winced as he tried to sit up; she raised a hand as she closed the door silently behind her.

"Don't… don't try."

Conceding, he lay back down, eyes still fixed on her anxiously.

"They treating you all good?"

"Small room we were kept in aside, yeah, we're all fine."

"And Mikasa? She's… "

"Fine, she's good."

He tried to sit up again.

"What about… "

Placing a hand gently on his chest, she pushed him back down.

"Don't worry about it. Everyone's fine. Looks like we'll be staying at least the night here, pretty much confined to this floor. In the morning, I'm sure Zeke will have new plans for us."

Joe seemed to look down then, as if he knew something she didn't.

"What does he want with you?"

Pulling the chair over, she sat in it and shook her head firmly, hair whipping back and forth.

"Fuck if I know. I'd guess that he wants to hand us over to Kenny, I don't know what good we are to him other than that."

"Yeah, probably."

"I still can't believe you and Ymir managed to make it out of there. The fact that you're here… "

She raised her eyebrows and sighed.

"I don't normally go around talking about miracles or the grace of God or shit like that, but… "

He nodded.

"Pretty fucking incredible."

"Yeah."

Cocking her head slightly, she looked at his relatively motionless form up and down.

"You look alright, all thing's considered."

He laughed, a sound she found strangely relieving.

"Thanks for the lie."

She pulled up her knee, smiling as she pulled her hands around it.

"I mean… I was only half-lying."

He fixed her with a look.

"C'mon, I look like shit."

"Yeah, I was just hoping I wasn't going to be the one to say it."

He laughed again, and she felt her smile grow involuntarily.

 _What are you doing?_

A terrible rumble rippled through her stomach and her smile was wiped away; Joe's smile, too, faded as he seemed to sense whatever discomfort had suddenly gripped her. They both fell silent and she rested her hands on her lap, clasping them.

 _Why are you here? Why did you come to see him alone?_

"Hey, uh… thanks."

She looked up, fighting down the steady roar in her gut.

"What? What for?"

He twisted and the very movement caused him to groan.

"Back at the river, after that first bear attack, I was kind of out of it. But, I heard you. It uh… it sounded like you hadn't given up on me."

His gaze fell and a defeatist look crossed into his eyes.

"I probably would have."

Digging her fingers into her knees, she grit her teeth briefly.

"Why would you say that?"

A dejected look came across him and he suddenly looked very lonely, by himself in a white bed with a single lamp beside him.

"I don't know. Sometimes I wonder how much trouble I'm worth."

"You're worth it to Mika."

Her heart gave a particularly harsh pound.

"You're worth it to me."

A faint smile, ripe with appreciation, spread over his face.

"You're both too good to me."

Sasha shook her head again, slower, her eyes not leaving him.

"I'm not losing anyone else."

Her voice came up weak then, and her next two words rose barely above a whisper.

"I can't."

She didn't want herself to break down in front of him, not the way he was, but the tears began to come on anyway. As she lowered her gaze, trying pathetically to keep her pain from him, she could see him trying to straighten again.

"Hey, hey, hey, what's… "

He hissed in pain at his own motion and she gave a stifled sob as she jumped to her feet and pushed him back down, two tears splashing against his bedding.

"Stay DOWN."

She made to walk away, but he grabbed her wrist and held her in place.

"What's wrong, Sash?"

With a swift yank, she pulled free, stomping away and spinning.

"I don't know!"

It was honest, completely, she didn't know what was wrong with her. She should have been so happy to see him alive and safe, but her heart wouldn't let her. Feelings raged through her, keeping her from coming to any conclusion, from knowing ANYTHING, and she felt like she was going insane.

 _Why did I come here?!_

"Sash, please… "

She shook her head as she paced furiously, fresh tears flying down her cheeks. While she couldn't see him, she could feel Joe's concerned stare fixed on her.

"Sasha… "

Feeling a loose shudder, she ignored him, pulling her fingers through her hair and digging her nails into her scalp. She wanted to scream, to tear the room apart with her hands, to collapse and sob at the floor until her voice gave out. There were words she needed to say, but she couldn't find them to save her life, she wanted to talk to him, she NEEDED to talk to him, but every moment she thought that…

"LOOK AT ME!"

He shouted then, tearing her from her mental chaos; glaring at him from behind a disheveled lock of hair, she saw that despite his furious shout, there was nothing but concern written on his face.

 _Why can't I just hate you?_

"What's the matter?"

Hauling in a deep breath, Sasha looked at him without a word and did everything in her power to muster words. They wouldn't come. He stared at her desperately and searchingly, trying to piece together for her what she was trying to communicate to him. She managed to open her mouth.

"I… I… "

 _Why can't I just stop… stop…_

Then, slowly, her ability to function slid back into normality; her body stopped shaking and the tears stopped coming. Her hands unclenched at her side and she was able to breathe calmly. Joe seemed at least somewhat more at ease, though he still kept his gaze on her, the fear still present.

"… Sash… ?"

She walked slowly around the side of his bed, feeling a perplexing sense of calm. It was as though someone else had taken control of her body, and she relished the feeling of having someone, or something, else responsible. He turned to watch her as she approached.

"Are you… "

Before he could get out even a third word, she bent over and kissed him.

 _Why can't I._

If she had been feeling calm before, the feeling she had then was nothing less than blissful serenity. It wasn't joy, or any kind of ecstasy, but she felt a warmth beginning to spread through her lower body, to parts that caused her cheeks to redden. She moved her head in motions that allowed her lips to roll strongly against his; though she had her eyes closed, she felt his arms retreat from under his bedding to grab her shoulders. He seemed to push at her slightly, but the half-heartedness of it was pathetic; taking advantage of his posture, she took her left hand to hold his head while using her right to steer one of his hands to hers.

"Sasha?"

Gasping, she straightened so quickly that she nearly popped her neck. Standing in the doorway, Mikasa stood staring at her with the same resilient calm she had felt moments before; Sasha, however, felt as though she had just come out of a deep dream, so rooted in reality that she now felt.

Terrified could not begin to describe it.

 _Oh God._

"Mika, I… I wasn't… it isn't like… not like… I'm not… "

She could feel her heart pounding with the same consistency as it had when her lips had been on Joe's, but now it was due to horrified ferocity, no longer growing excitement. Mikasa took a step into the room as the door closed behind her, a long and deliberate pace that stank of menace, though her face held no such emotion. From behind her, Sasha could hear Joe shifting under his covers.

"Mikasa, I don't think… "

A single finger was raised in his direction and he dropped into a similarly petrified silence. Sasha took a step back, like a cornered animal.

"Please, Mika, I wasn't… he isn't… not like… "

Another step. Genuine panic began to sear at her mind and she felt her head begin to spin and fear as she bumped into Joe's bed. He reached out and put a hand over her stomach, acting as a weak shield, though he didn't dare open his mouth again.

"I just… I couldn't… "

Another step.

 _Oh Christ._

What could she say? Of all the things she could've done, this was likely to be the worst she could be caught doing, save sucking him off then and there. There wasn't anything that could be done to change whatever Mikasa was currently feeling, nothing that could stop whatever was about to happen. Sasha suddenly realized that she may be about to die.

 _Ilse, I'm sorry._

Another step. And then, with the speed and precision she had been so prized by Hange for years for, Mikasa closed the distance between them and grabbed Sasha by the hair. The brunette cried out in pain and brought her hands up, before lowering them, knowing she couldn't stop whatever was about to happen. Joe said something, voice panicked, but Sasha was quickly pulled from his weak protective hold.

 _This is it, huh._

She wished she could talk to Ymir one last time and thank her for being there for her, all those years, wish her, Historia and the baby the best. Hell, even picturing Jean's cocky face in her head brought the tears back as she realized she may never see it again; she readied herself for a brutally punishing fist to any part of her face, closing her eyes.

"Sasha."

The passiveness, the stillness of Mikasa's voice caused Sasha to open her eyes to what she knew had to be sheer, roaring fury. Which was likely why she was so surprised when, instead of hitting her or slamming her head against the wall, Mikasa wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed her, just as vehemently as Sasha had kissed Joe moments ago.

 _What… ?_

She stumbled in her shock and the both of them took several steps back to adjust, but Mikasa continued to press her lips to Sasha's, eyes closed. After several seconds, she yanked Sasha by the hair again, jerking her head back so she was staring at the ceiling; the brunette moaned at the pain first, and then again at the tongue that began to slide its way down her neck, rolling and brushing her in ways that caused her waist to begin to quiver.

"This is what you wanted, wasn't it."

Mikasa spoke against her flesh and her mouth reached the collar of Sasha's hoodie; the brunette did nothing more than breathe heavily for she didn't know if speaking was wise in this moment. The hand holding her waist suddenly shot up and under her top and pulled at her bra; within seconds, her left nipple was being massaged and pinched in ways she hadn't felt in the longest time. As she began to grow wet in spite of herself, Sasha felt the courage to finally say something.

"Mikasa, what are you… "

The black-haired girl took her by both shoulders then and spun her around, bending her over and throwing her against Joe's bed so that her upper body was resting between his legs. She looked to him as he hadn't moved as she felt fingers move to unbutton and unzip her pants. His eyes were dinner plates.

"Get to work on him."

"What? Mika, what in the hell are you… "

Her pants were pulled down and a hard slap was administered over her underwear. Sasha shouted and jumped at the hit.

"We'll see if you do a halfway decent job."

When Sasha continued to remain frozen, another stinging slap caused her to cry out again.

"Get to fucking work."

Bringing her hands around, Sasha pulled blankly at Joe's covers and looked at him, eyes wide with confusion and shock. He looked back at her shaking his head, but he couldn't seem to muster words or move in the slightest. She wondered if he even wanted to. Another slap caused her to arch her back and let out a short scream as she began to pull his pants down; Mikasa's hand came around and pulled her up by the throat as the other yanked her underwear down.

"You wanted this. Now, you do as I say."

She shoved Sasha back over the bed and gave her ass the hardest hit yet; the brunette moaned and tugged at Joe's boxers as well. Not wanting to take another hit, she took him in her mouth as quickly as she saw it, not able to register what was happening. Pulling loose hair behind her ear, she did as she was instructed, doing as good a job as she was able while her head continued to spin in disbelief.

 _Is this really happening? I could be dreaming for all I know, there's no way that…_

Two fingers drove their way inside her without any warning and Sasha moaned against Joe's cock, twisting her waist in pleasure. The fingers began to work tremendously and before long, a third joined them. Sasha's sex was no stranger to outside parties and it welcomed the extra company as Mikasa's other hand pushed up her hoodie and undid her bra. Fingers slid against the side of her breast and she felt another wave of heat travel down her body. She moaned again and looked up at Joe with what she knew was a submissively slutty expression. The shock was still fresh on his face, but another emotion had joined it. He looked as though he had accepted what was happening even if he couldn't believe it while it did. He was blown away, but he had come to terms with it.

Seconds later, as a tongue began to work with the fingers and she let out an ecstatic whine, Sasha did too.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Reiner, this isn't a discussion. Now I'd appreciate it if you would hop on this quickly; we do not have hardly any time."

"I just think it's perhaps not in our best interests to trust the word of someone we barely know… "

"If he's lying, this loses us nothing."

"Even still, why would we… "

"Enough. You have your orders."

…

…

"Understood. You still plan to split them? For obvious reasons?"

"Yes. If this does work, this will put us in an ideal place, regardless of whether or not Joe is telling the truth. And if he is, all the better."

…

…

"Having second thoughts about handing them over?"

"I just… I've heard about her father. What he's done to her."

"You've mentioned."

"I'm just uncomfortable knowing what will happen to her when we do."

"All the more reason to hope that this plan is something that will work."

…

"Agreed."

"Good. Off you go."

…

"And Reiner?"

"Yes."

"If you go behind my back again like that, I'll kill you."

…

"Understood."


	50. Chapter 50

Joe didn't want to open his eyes.

He had been awake for several minutes after being denied his wish the previous night that he wouldn't wake up, and was now desperately trying to make sense of what had come about in the minutes before his eyes had closed from sheer exhaustion. He could see in his mind's eye everything that had transpired in almost nauseatingly vivid detail and he tried to keep himself from dispelling his bland dinner as his breath struggled to remain consistent. There was a warmth behind his head and by the feeling of it, he imagined he was resting against someone's chest. Another warmth pressed against his ribs through a tangle of hair and it became difficult to assume anything other than the identities of Sasha and Mikasa lying with him.

 _Why… why did she do that…_

It was a question he could never ask, and a question he wished he didn't have to. Even as he tried to keep his thoughts on anything else, he saw Sasha on top of him with Mikasa's hands on her shoulders, forcing her up and down. He watched her bounce against him, heard her moan and felt her tears splash against his stomach; immediately, he wanted to jump up and throw up wherever he first saw.

 _Why couldn't… why couldn't I stop her?_

Self-hate, different from any he had before felt, welled strongly against his gut and he kept his mouth from taking on a disgusted line. He didn't know if either of the women next to him were awake, but if they were, he didn't want them knowing he was awake and drowning in feelings of worthlessness.

 _I could have stopped her. I could have stopped it all, Sasha didn't have to… wouldn't have had to…_

But even as assurances poured into his mind, they were all beat back by a single thought that fell over everything else like an ocean of freezing water.

 _I could have, right?_

He didn't' know. He wasn't sure.

After what was probably about thirty minutes, the hair lifted from his side and the sound of someone sliding off the bed was heard, followed by several quiet steps and the clicking of a door handle. Silence returned for about five more minutes until Joe felt his head slowly lifted and rested against a very warm pillow; lips pressed against his forehead and similarly quiet footsteps sounded, accompanied by the identical clicking of a door handle. More minutes ticked by before he finally mustered the courage to open his eyes in a hairline crack. He was alone, and he finally felt the release necessary to turn over and let tears leak silently against the pillow.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Ymir opened her eyes, feeling well more rested than any night she could previously remember. The slightly stale air inside of the compound did nothing to deter her relieved feeling, and even remembering slowly where they were and why only slightly dampened what she embraced as the first calm she had felt in what was even longer. Joe and Mikasa were somewhere near, but she didn't care; she still felt fury burn towards Mikasa, still wanted to break her fist off down Joe's throat, but the urge to charge off in search of them had hissed away. She sat up and arched her back, gritting her teeth as several low pops added more momentum to her surging feeling of relief.

Historia lay beside her, still apparently fast asleep and her body strewn out in a less than dignified way. Her left leg was pulled far forward and the right was pulled in the opposite direction as though she had been captured in a freeze-frame trying to sprint from something. Her hair was tossed around her face and around her pillow with her hands against her cheek like some archaic painting of a princess, waiting for her prince to rescue her from the tallest tower in all the land. Ymir reached over and pulled several strands of the gorgeous blonde locks aside and tilted her head staring at the angelic face, and realizing that she would probably be content gazing at it forever, like an obsessed astronomer granted a perfect view of the night sky.

It wasn't until a quiet gurgling sounded to her left that she looked over to see Ilse staring at her from her makeshift crib, fist in her mouth. Ymir stared back, watching intently as the baby blinked every few seconds and waving its chubby legs just as frequently. Throwing her legs over the side of the bed, Ymir tossed her hair out of her eyes and walked over, pulling her arms over her head and letting her shoulders pop; she winced as the sound hit the room loudly, but Historia didn't move from her slumber and the baby only smiled at the look of discomfort on her face. Sticking her tongue out at the infant, Ymir reached down and without any worry, she hoisted the baby up.

 _About time we start to see a little more of each other, I think._

Ilse squinted as though Ymir's face was on par with the sun for brightness, before letting out a triumphant sounding goo and swinging her left palm upwards. Ymir leaned back to let it avoid hitting her eye and she watched Ilse's face contort into one of annoyed impatience. She let out another noise, one that rang of exasperation and swung her right hand across in a similar manner; Ymir dodged again and began to shake her head sternly mouthing the word "no" repetitively as she did. Ilse couldn't seem to care less and threw her weight forward, waving both arms like windmills. In her effort to avoid getting batted across the face with the chubby fists that now swung through the air with strong intent, Ymir tripped over her own ankle and stumbled against the wall.

"You little… "

Reaching out a hand of her own, she caught one of the wildly swinging hands; Ilse looked at her hand, looking completely thunderstruck that her advance had been thwarted and allowed herself to slap on a triumphant smile of her own as she whispered.

"Got a few years yet before you can outmaneuver me, unless you… "

She stopped as she watched a mischievous flash move over Ilse's tiny face before her hand was pulled forward strongly and toothless gums enveloped her fingers in slime and weak muscles. Groaning quietly, Ymir stared at Ilse with annoyed defeat as the baby stared back at her as though daring her to make some kind of move. Shaking her head again, Ymir mouthed a furious threat that she would never go through with before a gentle giggle that hadn't come from Ilse shifted her attention back to the bed.

"You two are far too cute."

Historia hadn't moved from her prone state, but her eyes were now open and she was staring at the both of them, terrific smile on her face. Ymir gave her a fake, annoyed look.

"How long were you watching that?"

Rolling over and sitting up, Historia cocked her head, hair falling on the left side of her face while her overlarge shirt sagged down her right shoulder, exposing just enough of her breast to cause Ymir's heart to begin climbing into her throat.

"Ever since you got out of bed."

Ymir sighed and dropped down on her side of the mattress; as she had hoped, Historia rolled over further and got onto her knees, wrapping an arm around Ymir's chest and placing the other open palm against Ilse's head, who seemed to bear no ill will against her mother and cooed obediently. Ymir rolled her head back and closed her eyes and within seconds, Historia had placed her lips against hers, humming gently. They broke apart and Ymir brushed her cheek against the blonde's, not opening her eyes.

"You're getting better at holding her."

"Yeah? Seems to me that this little devil has every intention of making a game out of it every time I try."

Historia giggled again, a truly alieving sound.

"Gotta earn it, babe."

Looking down and opening her eyes, Ymir realized that Ilse had stopped playing with her hand and had now closed her eyes, cheek against Ymir's forearm. It was impossible not to feel a rush of affection then and Ymir lowered her head to plant a kiss on the baby's opposite cheek, while Historia placed one lovingly on her neck.

"Ymir… "

Her tone dropped to something that could have qualified as sensual, but Ymir knew her girlfriend far better than that. Her voice was now ripe with concern, and every bit of anxiety Ymir had managed to stave off for those precious blissful seconds came rushing back in to fill the emptiness they had left.

"Yeah."

"I'm… I really don't want to open that door."

Ymir followed where she knew Historia was looking and examined the plain, normal door that stood between them and the explosive hell that existed beyond.

"Yeah."

"Why can't… why can't they just… "

A loud sniff caused Ilse's eyes to spring open and it didn't take a genius to figure that Historia's eyes were likely shrouded with tears.

"Why can't they just LEAVE US ALONE!"

She cried out then and fell back onto the bed, face completely aghast, any happiness she had been feeling not seconds before gone in an instant. Ilse gave a low whine, clearly not happy to see her mother in such levels of distress; Ymir rose and carried the baby towards the crib. She looked down and saw then a face that, while frightened, held every bit of the hope she needed. Altering her course, she walked around Historia's side of the bed and lay down next to her quietly crying goddess, laying Ilse gently between them.

"It's all we can do."

"I can't… I can't face them again, after everything that's happened, I can't, I can't… "

The panic and hysteria began to flush into her voice and she began to breath deep and quickly; worried she may hyperventilate, Ymir leaned across, above Ilse, and kissed Historia's shaking forehead.

"We're going to find out what he wants with us. And we don't really have a choice but to go with it."

"Ymir… I just… can't we leave, can't we run away, the money we have saved up, its plenty, its plenty to find us a nice place, quiet place, a place AWAY from all of this and we can raise Ilse, and grow old and… "

She began to take in deep, sharp breaths and Ymir ran her fingers down her cheek to calm her.

"And what about everyone else, babe?"

Historia looked to her, eyes wide; in the next several seconds, it became obvious she had no answer. Ymir pressed on.

"Sasha? Your sister? Annie? Jean?"

Joe and Mikasa were next on the list, but she couldn't bring herself to say their names. Her hate had become numbed but it hadn't faded enough to where she could even pretend to care what happened to either of them. For all she cared presently, the both of them could have died having sex the previous night and it wouldn't do much to how she felt.

"We have to stick it out, Just a little longer."

Historia closed her eyes and began to shake her head. Ymir did the same, more fervently.

"If they mean to take us to Kenny, to hand us over, I won't let that happen."

Not opening her eyes, the blonde letting out a shuddering breath before speaking quietly.

"How can you say that… ? How can you assume that's something you can prevent… "

If wasn't something she could remotely promise, but Ymir wasn't worried, strangely enough.

"Don't worry. I know that's impossible to ask, but please try not to."

She rolled over and made to leave.

"I'll go see what's what."

It was just as terrifying then to her, she realized, as it was to Historia; what was on the other side of that door was likely something she didn't want to face and more importantly, didn't want her family to face.

 _Family._

A hand came out and grabbed her with a surprising amount of force.

"Ymir… wait."

She looked back, ready to hear whatever contrived nonsense about "you can't do this alone" or "we're in this together" from the blonde. It wasn't something she cared to hear, as far as she was concerned, she had to protect these two people with everything in her power. Historia surely wouldn't see it that way, would protest Ymir acting as their shield, but Ymir didn't care anymore. She still loved Historia, more than anything, but she was done acting like they could…

"I want to tell you everything."

Ymir blinked.

"About who I am. Where I came from."

She hadn't been expecting this. Ymir had thought that the deflection she had heard at the cabin was a transition into a period where she would never know of Historia's past. She had been lied to enough that it only hurt the way punching a numb arm hurt, but this was something she hadn't seen coming. Her girlfriend closed her eyes again briefly and then opened them, a steel in her eyes.

"Okay."

And she sat down, letting the blonde's tales of the past wrap her up and take her away to a different place; that place was dark, frightening, but Ymir would be damned if she wouldn't rather have been anywhere other than where she was.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"I'm unsure of what I'm doing here."

Alex's voice came out lamely, far lamer than he had expected it to, but such was the way it happened when someone was confined to a small room for weeks on end with no reason to use his vocal cords. His voice cracked several times and sounded as though it was coming through a hollow pipe, but the young man sitting up in bed didn't seem to notice. Or care.

"Do you know where here is?"

Alex fidgeted with his hands and fixed his gaze on the bedframe.

"No. I remember that Zoe woman telling me I was going to be able to go soon after I showed her the old scrapped footage of that Ymir girl… "

"Footage? What?"

The man stared blankly at him and it became apparent to Alex that there could be little that the both of them shared in terms of previous knowledge. As it happened, in preparation for such a downfall of his small organization, Alex had done heavy research on all six of the women working for Zoe, research that he and he alone was able to carry out. His extensive technological knowledge meant that he was able to dig in places that didn't even really exist anymore, and he stuck his head into the doings and past of Kenny Ackerman as well, in case he ever needed sensitive information to protect himself. Of course, it hadn't done him an ounce of good as Zoe had been several steps ahead, caught him in his planned treachery, and killed his operation and jailed him. The man before him now likely didn't know anything about this and Alex saw no reason for that to change.

"Nothing."

Another lame show of his communication skills, but the man in the bed seemed to shrug off his suspicious reply.

"I know of you. I know you're good with computers."

How he had known this, Alex didn't know. He had never seen this man before, and he couldn't help his response from spitting out of his mouth.

"How do you know that?"

He hadn't been expecting an actual reply to this and he tried to hide his surprise as the young man shrugged and explained.

"I used to be in correspondence with someone who knew Zoe rather well and he made a brief mention of you."

Plenty of unspecified variable in that answer, enough to cause Alex to start twitching, but he kept his mouth shut this time. The man in the bed continued.

"The man I am working with have reached a settlement of sorts. You help me, provide me with what I want to know, and you can go free."

This was something that despite Alex knew couldn't be true, he couldn't help also feel a rush of elation at the thought of walking out into the streets of his town, not only free, but not running either.

 _I can do what I can with what he asks… then, if the questions continue, I'll ask what assurance I have that he'll keep that word. But first, I need to prove my worth._

Adopting an open and appealing expression as best he could, Alex shrugged.

"What is it you want to know?"

Clearly having wanted to hear exactly those words, the man on the bed leaned forward.

"What can you tell me about Kenny Ackerman?"

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The more Joe listened to Alex, the more excited he began to feel. Not excited in a particularly good way, but in a way that assured him that there may indeed be a way out of this for all of them. He, Joe, could finally do right by everyone who was, or had been, his friend and get them out of this situation. More than once, he had to assure Alex that he was not with Zoe and didn't know a thing about her; it sent a pang through his gut as he thought of what the woman had likely gone through by this point in time and he wondered if perhaps she was still alive. He shook these feelings off however and pressed on.

Alex told him things that caused him to want to leap from his bed and pace frantically around the room; Zeke would know now that he had told the truth, even if at the time he had said it, he hadn't known it for sure. The opportunity now was there, for everything to fall just perfectly into place, to drive Kenny form his position and force him down to kneel at their feet instead of the way around like it had always been. He had thought of this months and months ago when he and Mikasa had discussed it in private, lying together in bed, under far less worrying circumstances and where she had been so much less… less…

"Are you… okay?"

Joe realized he had tears in his eyes.

"Yes, yes, just a… tickle in my throat is all."

He blinked them away while doing his most convincing cough. His whole body rattled in pain at the motion as he felt the painkillers beginning to wear off.

"Go on."

Alex began to tell him of things that seemed of less importance now; in Joe's head, he realized that, in a single second, the man before him had offered him salvation.

 _This is it. This is how we can beat him. It's... really just that simple._

"If I got you a computer… could you find him? Pin down his exact location?"

Alex seemed to be growing uncomfortable.

"Yes… yes, I probably could."

Joe could tell he was very close to asking the simple question "why?" but he wisely let his clear inquisitive thoughts stay to himself. Nodding, Joe leaned back, trying to quell his rapidly beating heart.

"Alright. Knock on the door and let's get my… business partner."

Nodding back, Alex got to his feet and shuffled weakly towards the door. Before he reached it, however, a strange thought occurred to Joe rather suddenly.

"Wait."

Alex did so and turned back to him. The question that had sprung to Joe's head issued out of his mouth before he even had a chance to think it over.

"Do you know Mikasa Ackerman? Like, of her?"

Shifting his weight cautiously, Alex nodded.

"Sure. I've done my research on all of Zoe's people."

Joe had picked this up when he had mentioned finding something on Ymir; he had been curious about this at the time, but knew that pursuing a personal agenda now was dangerous. He also knew that Alex's idea of "research" was probably a little more in-depth than name, date of birth, and place of residence.

"What can you tell me about her father?"

His heart, which had slowly begun to get back under control, picked up quickly again. He wondered what Alex could tell him about the man; where he came from, what his work was, perhaps what had turned him into such a detestable wreck of a human and father. He thought about what Alex could say that would give him leverage over Mikasa's father, information that could force him to stay away from her forever and to give her every bit of…

"Father?"

Alex's face was genuinely confused. Joe nodded anxiously.

"Yes, her father. Lived with her in a house out past the suburbs, with her mother as well."

Biting the inside of his mouth, Alex shifted back and forth on his feet.

"I uh… I don't know exactly what you think you know about that family… but, there is no father. At least, not anymore."

He scratched the back of his head.

"All the documents I sifted through… they told me he died eighteen years ago."


	51. Chapter 51

" _ **It's easy to curse someone for doing something horrible**_

 _ **And ignore the reason they did it in the first place."**_

 _ **-Unknown**_

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Head still spinning with the information he had just been given, Joe tried to walk straight as he worked his way towards the bathroom.

 _I can't believe that. It… how could she not have known? How could NONE of us have known? That the man who had been beating her, raping her… had never had the damn privilege to be in her house in the first place?_

It was maddening, but he couldn't let it occupy his thoughts, not then. His mind was continuously drawn back to the previous night and all of the hell that had come with it. Walking the hallway as carefully and quietly as though it were a haunted house, Joe kept looking over his shoulder and around corners for signs of either Mikasa or Sasha, silently praying he wouldn't encounter either of them on his way to the bathroom.

" _What the hell is the matter with you? Neither of them have the wherewithal to do a damn thing to you… "_

He ignored Dust and continued his cautious advance; just when he thought he might be able to reach the lavatory without any unwanted encounter, voices came from around the corner of the hall, with still two doors between him and his destination.

"You surely understand that we can't exactly just take your word on this."

"No, no, no, I'd be shocked if you did. But I'm afraid you don't exactly have a choice other than to go with this, and after the fact, when you see that I was telling the truth, we may begin moving towards trusting each other… "

The voices of Mikasa and Zeke respectively caused him to freeze and adopt an expression of panic. Swearing quietly, he looked around and, as he heard the footsteps and voices drawing just towards the corner, he looked at a very slightly cracked door and threw himself through it, kicking it back to almost closed with his foot as he hit the ground. The sounds of the two in the hall neared until they were right outside the door and a harsh knock sent a stab of fear into him.

"Pardon me, miss, but ten minutes out!"

Zeke's voice called inside apologetically before he and Mikasa moved on, walking out of earshot and Joe put his hands over his eyes letting out a sigh of relief.

"What exactly was that all about?"

Opening his eyes and looking up towards the ceiling, he saw Florian frowning down at him, long blonde hair like the pendulous foliage of a willow tree. Grimacing, he pulled his tremendously stiff body to his feet; his back was almost completely numb, and he was sure that if not for the painkillers he was juiced with, he would have been writhing on the ground in agony.

"Sorry… "

Joe opened his mouth to explain, but as he met Florian's expectant and angry eyes, he realized he didn't know what to say.

He hadn't had a chance to talk one on one with her since before the attack on the cabin, and he had a feeling that wasn't on accident. She had been avoiding him for likely a multitude of reasons and he could hardly blame her. Not only had he essentially lied to her for the period of time he had known her out in the boonies, but he also had gotten back together with Mikasa with hardly a warning towards Florian who, in almost all regards, had treated him in a much different way from a lover's aspect. She had opened up to him, comforted him, offered herself to him, purely on the basis that she felt it was right. He honestly couldn't believe that she wasn't right alongside Ymir, trying to bury a knife in his back.

"Well?"

Her tone grew in impatience and Joe realized with a start that she was wearing only her underwear. Directing his eyes as politely as he could elsewhere, he swallowed as he fixed his gaze on the light fixture above inside the square room.

"I uh… just was trying to not… sort of avoiding, you know… "

It struck him how bizarre the truth would sound. Was he really going to tell her how he was feeling? When he really didn't even know what that feeling was? Shaking her head, she turned away and moved towards the clothes resting on her bed.

"Whatever."

She didn't tell him to leave, but the cold-shouldering was shockingly painful. Of all the people in the building… in the WORLD, Florian was the one person Joe had felt the most comfortable speaking to, leaning on. Now, she wanted nothing to do with him, and while he knew he deserved that, and worse, he couldn't bear the fact that she couldn't seemingly stand the sight of him.

"Florian… "

He hoped she would look at him, but she only shook her head as she straightened out the shirt she was about to pull over her head; the slashes across her chest were still painfully obvious.

"Just get out, Joe, please."

It wasn't as cold a tone, but the words were as frigid as they could be. Slowly, Joe turned for the door, feeling an overwhelming sense of despair alongside his anxiety and worry. He took several short and quiet steps before stopping and gritting his teeth tightly.

 _I can't… I can't._

"I'm terrified of her."

The words left his mouth calmly and as straightly as though he had been commenting on the weather. He didn't dare turn around, but he the powerful silence that followed his words indicated she had stopped moving. Realizing that all he could do at this point was speak, and pray for her to not throw him out, he closed his eyes and let his mouth become a translator for the roaring feelings that had been pounding him since the night previous.

"She… I don't know what she's become. I don't know, maybe this has always been who she is, but I… I don't know what to do. It's like… I'm only there to just satisfy her. I don't think anything I could say would do anything to… I don't think she would listen. And after last night… I… I really am, I really am scared of her."

His eyes remained startlingly dry through all his words, but as he thought to Sasha's face, to her tears, they didn't stay that way.

"And… after last night… I don't know what to do. I really don't. I love her, I still do, but I… don't recognize her anymore. It's like she's looking at me from the other side of a glass wall that just keeps getting foggier and foggier and I can't… "

Cutting off, he let his body shiver and remained still. If she wanted him to leave still, he couldn't refuse at this point, but just being able to put into words what he didn't understand had offered him a tremendous amount of relief. For that, he was grateful, even if the girl behind him who he still cared for immensely couldn't care less about him. Then, as though a prayer had been answered from on high, she spoke, voice now alert, but soft.

"What happened?"

Without any predisposition or deliberation, he began to speak, revealing every detail about the previous night. It was like someone else was telling the story, and he listened just as much as he knew she was. With every sentence, he felt his body slump against his will and he put a hand on the door to keep himself upright. He wanted to fall over and cry, just like he had in his bed an hour before, but he knew he couldn't anymore. When he finally finished talking, he raised his head and took deep breaths to keep himself steady.

Florian hadn't said a word, and he hadn't a clue how she was about to react. He wouldn't have been surprised if she cursed him as a coward, told him he was pathetic, called him and Mikasa rapists, or even attacked him. Any of them would have been a viable response.

"She's not like she was when I met her, she wasn't like this, not… you didn't know her, but she was kinder, calmer, I never knew her to do anything like this. The world is so completely backwards, I can't… "

She continued to let him ramble, for which he was immensely grateful.

"Nothing makes sense anymore, not a FUCKING thing. I don't know why or what's happened that has made everything so… different. So wrong."

He thought back to spending days at Ilse's house playing video games, going to the gym with Sasha and Ymir, spending nights with Mikasa. Sure they had all still been criminals, but it had seemed so… right. Now, nothing was as it should be, everything seemed broken, askew, out of place…

 _Nothing I did made a difference for the better. In the end, all it did was make things worse._

After close to a minute, he heard quiet footsteps behind him. Fingers slowly slid over his shoulders and he managed to keep from gasping at the touch; unlike anything he had felt on the previous night, her warmth was enough to bring him a comfort unlike anything he had felt in a long time. Dropping to his knees, he felt her slowly slide to hers as well. Her fingers gently rubbed against him before he felt her head rest against his back.

"I'm so worthless… "

Finally, he had the gall to speak the truth. She didn't try to refute him.

 _She can't._

In all of this, she hadn't anything to say, and Joe realized that there wasn't anything she could say. He wasn't privy to any assurances that it would be OK, anything that told him he wasn't to blame, or anything resembling kindness, but she was giving it to him anyway. It was small, but in that moment as he lowered his head and felt her against his back, he knew it was by far more than he deserved.

A sharp knock caused him to jump to one foot and he felt Florian almost catapult away from him as the door swung open just after the rap. Reiner had his head down with a hand up to block his eyes.

"You decent?"

He heard Florian swallow indignantly at his intrusion before replying.

"Yes."

Reiner didn't step in, but looked around and his gaze locked on Joe.

"There you are. Zeke's looking for you."

Joe slowly got to his feet, knowing very well what that might mean.

"Did… did he… "

Reiner gave a slow nod and Joe nearly knocked him over, eager as he was to leave the room. Slamming on his heel, he turned around to see Florian watching him with eyes both hurt, sad and angry. With Reiner standing there, he couldn't say what he wanted to, but when he remembered how happy he had been when it had just been the two of them in his camper, he choked on the only word he was able to manage.

"Thanks."

Then, he ran for his room, praying what he thought had happened was true.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

It took both a period of about fifty minutes and not being able to stand the smell of her own vomit that finally convinced Sasha to straighten up and try to stop crying. She knew that there were only minutes between when she was supposed to be meeting with the rest and hear what Zeke had to say to them all, so she wiped her face, spat into the toilet once more for good measure, and exited the bathroom before the bowl had even finished flushing. Giving her head a quick shake to try and break herself from the depressed trance she had found herself in, she started for where their few belongings had been left, eager to pull on her hoodie for its warmth.

"Sash."

Gasping and almost twisting her angle as she turned around, she saw Jean standing just behind her, a small pile of laundry on one hand and wearing a bemused expression.

"Are you okay?"

"I… yeah, you just… yeah."

He cocked his head slightly.

"Have you been crying?"

 _All the tact of a blunt axe._

"No, just woke up though."

He didn't seem convinced, but handed her the clothes without pressing the issue.

"Alright. Don't know where he got clothes for all of us, but I'm kind of grateful for something new to wear… Be at the door in five, I think we're just about ready for… "

The nerves he was trying to hide reared their face then and Jean pursed his lips.

"… whatever's next."

Nodding in thanks, she looked after him until he was around the corner before jogging back into the bathroom, placing her clothes by the sink and throwing up into the toilet again.

 _What's the matter with me?_

It was a stupid question, she knew damn well what the matter was. She just didn't know if she was capable of facing it. Her memories flashed to high school when she had met Mikasa for the first time, a quiet, tired-looking individual who had always spoke politely if briefly. Sasha had felt had for her and tried to befriend her to the best of her abilities and after months and months of prying, she had finally begun to open up.

 _She seemed so… weak… what… what changed?_

Despite her efforts to prevent it from happening again, a mental argument exploded in her head.

 _You were way out of line, what did you think was going to happen?_

Regardless, why did it come to that? I hardly did a thing…

 _You kissed him, for Christ's sake._

I was… so helpless. I needed someone.

 _And you chose him? Even if you liked him somewhat at some point in the past, how does that justify what you did?_

She didn't beat the shit out of me, or anything like that.

 _Isn't sex what you wanted?_

Not… not like that…

 _You're a stupid girl and got what you deserved for something so idiotic._

The battle in her head raged for over a minute before she finally managed to quell what was tearing her so badly apart. She couldn't hide from it, not really, but she could hide it from everyone else. But as she pulled on her fresh clothes, she couldn't help but wonder if she would even be able to glance at Mikasa now without bursting into tears.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Do you not understand what a perfect opportunity this is?!"

"Your idea of perfect is not exactly a match for what mine is."

"You do get that this is precisely the thing that could bring real power over Kenny?! This is exactly the thing that could get you literally everything you want!"

Zeke stopped pacing and turned to angrily face Joe who had been following in his steps like an eager puppy.

"And then what?! You don't seem to get that I don't want to make enemies with Kenny. I want to remove him from behind the scenes, at my own pace, and with nothing to trace his fall back to me. This… that what you have lain before me would undoubtedly work in favor of removing him quickly and efficiently, but I have every reason at that point to fear retribution."

Joe continued to stare at him determinedly; he knew what could be gained by this.

"So leave it to me. Leave me to be the one take the fall, if there's a fall to be had. He didn't need to know you had anything to do with this."

Zeke let out a hollow laugh, unlike the hearty and contagious chuckles Joe had heard briefly at the Christmas dinner, this sounded far more genuine.

"He'd believe that you accomplished that all by yourself?"

"Yes."

As Zeke fixed him with a skeptical look, Joe stared back just as intently.

"He knows I'm capable of a lot. I've cheated death more than once. I don't have many skills beyond that and being a good shot, but is he really going to take the time to try and trace outside help I had? Won't he just go for me, if he goes for anyone?"

"And what happens when he gets you?"

"He won't."

Zeke snorted. Not willing to lose this fight, Joe opened his mouth to push forward, but Zeke cut through his first syllable smoothly.

"Regardless, this is something that has to be done within the time span of only about five or so hours. After that, the meeting is done, and we lose this immediate advantage."

"So let's do it now then!"

"I can't go and neither can any of my skilled and trusted associates. The only ones I could spare for this are grunts, who I wouldn't trust with anything other than driving box trucks of product, as that's all they know how to do."

"That's fine, so just… "

"And your friends, they can't be exempt from what's about to happen. I've agreed to keep you out of this meeting, and only you."

Crossing his arms, Joe winced inwardly at the painful tug in his recovering shoulder.

"Then just use me."

He couldn't tell then, if Zeke was incredulous, unbelieving, or both, as he fixed him with a very bemused stare.

"You can accomplish this all by yourself."

"Yes."

"And be back to the meeting before its conclusion."

"Yes."

He could see Zeke ready to make some sarcastic remark and tell him to get going, with nothing more than the clothes on his back, so he pressed his advantage.

"All I need are some guns, preferably with silencers, and a box truck and a driver."

He allowed a gently smirk to cross his face.

"I know you have at least two of those three things."

Leaning back on his heels, he waited for Zeke to shoot him down, to call him crazy. But, to his carefully stifled bewilderment, Zeke watched him for several quiet seconds and finally sighed.

"Stay put. I'll be back in a couple minutes."

As he left the room, he muttered gruffly over his shoulder.

"We'll see about your guns."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The atmosphere of what essentially seemed like a break room was tense and thick as Ymir entered as quietly as she could. Around a relatively circular table, everyone was already sitting; Historia had Ilse tucked over her shoulder and looked relieved as Ymir entered the room; Jean was rocking back and forth with his elbows resting on his hands; Florian didn't seem aware of anything around her and was staring at the floor with a very sick look; Sasha was standing in the corner and looked on the verge of having a nervous breakdown; Annie was slowly moving her gaze around everyone in the room, as though waiting for someone to react in a way that would require her action; and then there, straight-backed and stone-faced, Mikasa sat. She didn't turn to regard Ymir as she entered the room, for which Ymir was glad. Sliding down next to Historia, she looked back at the door she had entered and the one on the other side of the table, waiting for Zeke's entrance.

"Where were you?"

Despite the fact that there was no reason to be silent, Historia hissed at her as opposed to simply asking and Ymir made a gesture towards her rear. Giving her a look as though the juvenility of her motion was beyond her, the blonde looked back forward just as the door on the other side of the table banged open and a very stressed looking Zeke hustled in.

"I'm sorry for my tardiness… I hope I'm not too late… "

He fumbled briefly through about four of his pockets before he finally excavated a phone and checked the time.

"Ah, only a minute or two, excellent, excellent… "

Ymir was hard pressed to think of a situation that was less excellent then the one they were presently forced into, but she held her tongue. Zeke walked to the front of the table and rested his knuckles upon it slowly as he gently built towards what he was going to say.

"Today… I will require some of you to accompany me to Kenny Ackerman's meeting downtown. It will likely take a bit of time in discuss matters that may seem of little consequence to you."

Ymir spoke without thinking.

"I don't know, handing us over to be probably tortured to death seems pretty fucking consequential."

Historia gasped and Florian shot her a look, but Zeke didn't seem to pay much notice to the rudeness of her comment, rather, he seemed to take stock in its meaning.

"After much consideration… while I must bring you along… I will not be placing you under the custody of Chief Ackerman as a sign of good will."

There was a quiet that was split seconds later by Jean's weak voice.

"You're… not?"

Zeke shook his head.

"No. Under a single condition. When I enter that building with you at my side, Kenny will surely be thrown off and start flinging accusations. It is imperative that you do not reveal that I know anything about the war between your two groups, and that I am working with you purely innocently without any knowledge of the transgressions you have committed against each other."

It seemed almost too good to be true; Ymir saw Sasha seem to come out the mental lock she had placed herself in.

"And we'd just be… people you started to work with recently?"

"I've ironed out a tight story that I will present; the lot of you happened upon Reiner and claimed to be on the run; as we all work in the same business, I offered asylum from what I thought was the police, when in fact it was. I will appear tremendously surprised when Kenny likely informs me that I am mistaken as to the reason you all had taken flight."

Jean's face had grown hopeful, if suspicious.

"You'd do that for us?"

As though fearful of being thought of as compassionate, Zeke straightened his back formally.

"Firstly, if I have no reason to hand you over by way of ignorance and feigned innocence to the situation, this will surely persuade Kenny that I am someone who needs to be won over just as much as I secretly with to do the same to him. Giving you to him now would be a sign of good will, but will convince him I'm nothing more than a sycophant."

He looked down then, for the first time not meeting any of their eyes.

"Secondly, I cannot hand over you in good conscience, not when I don't know the whole story."

Another short silence fell before Mikasa cut into it, her tone all ice.

"Earlier… when we spoke… you said my father would be there."

Ymir felt her eyes double in size and Historia stiffened next to her. Presently she had no love for Mikasa, but the mere mention of her father sent a rush of awful memories through her gut. Zeke looked to the raven-haired girl calmly; it was clear they had been the only two to discuss this part of the situation. Ymir wondered if he had offered to keep it a secret.

"I did."

"Then you should know, if you really are planning on doing this for us, he will want me. Regardless of what you say, he will threaten, wheedle and downright assault you if you do not give me over to him."

A troubled look passed over his face as Zeke considered her words.

"What… power does he have to ensure that those orders would be followed?"

Mikasa shrugged, a curious amount of apathy in her movements.

"I don't know about his relation to Kenny Ackerman or anyone else at this meeting. I don't know of his connections within the drug business either, but outside he had many connections. And if he's coming to this meeting, I think we can assume that he is someone of significant status."

Zeke's troubled face did not grow less.

"You make it sound as though I will not be able to prevent you from being taken by him."

Mikasa met his eyes then.

"You won't. I think it would be better… "

Since she had begun to speak, she finally showed a brief streak of hesitation.

"… it would be better if you handed me over to him."

Annie turned to her, blonde hair whipping about with the speed of her movement.

"What?! Don't be stupid, you can't… "

As though there had been no interruption, Mikasa spoke over Annie, unblinking.

"I just have one condition I'd like to ask of you."

Seeming very put off by the whole situation, Zeke shifted his weight and crossed his arms, but nodded for her to go on.

"That being?"

"Until he's healed… until he's ready… I need you to take care of Joe."

Despite the fact that she could have seen this coming from a mile away, Ymir had a tough time resisting the urge to turn away and snort. Zeke seemed to have anticipated this as well; while he didn't speak, no surprise was evident on his face.

"You don't put him in any danger. You keep him safe. You promise me that, and I'll let you hand me over without a fuss."

Still looking troubled, Zeke cracked his knuckles against the table.

"I have come to understand, however… you and your father don't exactly entertain the best relationship."

Again, Ymir spoke without thinking, preceding it with a harsh laugh.

"Understatement of the fucking century."

Historia drove a fist into her thigh, but Mikasa paid her no mind. She kept her eyes on Zeke as though they were the only two in the room.

"We don't. But it doesn't matter. He'll use his position as Kenny's brother to make it even more impossible to be able to keep me on this side."

Ymir felt a quickly squashed wave of respect as Mikasa glared forward, steel in her eyes.

"But I'm not afraid of him."

Finally lowering himself into a chair, Zeke seemed to ponder this carefully. Ymir swallowed and leaned back, reaching over to brush Ilse's cheek over Historia's shoulder. It was then she caught sight of Sasha who now looked like she was doing everything in her power not to throw up all over herself. She realized that she hadn't seen Sasha since the night previous before they had all went to bed, and began to wonder if something was the matter.

"Hey, are you… ?"

Before she could even put together her question, Zeke slapped his palms on the tabletop.

"Very well. I have no problem accepting those terms. Though I dislike the idea of giving you to a man with the reputation he's built for himself."

Mikasa's expression didn't change and when she said nothing more, Florian seemed to think she could intervene with a question of her own.

"I'm sorry, but… when you said you were taking us into town… you said some of us. Not all of us."

It almost seemed as though he had been waiting for someone other than himself to bring it up, though he spoke with a very subdued tone.

"Correct. Having taken into consideration my intel that there will be someone there very interested in the Reiss family, I have elected to keep Historia, Florian and Ilse here."

A sickly hot fist dug its way into Ymir's gut, but before she could interject, Zeke looked wearily to her.

"And considering your relation to this beautiful young woman and her child… "

He gestured.

"… you are welcome to remain behind as well."

Ymir's stomach rolled over as she met his eyes. Still, after all the times they had been near each other, Zeke hadn't seemed to give any sign that he knew who the girl in front of him was. Ymir wished her memory was as poor, but she would never be able to forget what he had done to her, and she knew that no matter what he offered, no matter what he said or did, she would only ever be able to regard him as the person who had taken the last of her innocence.

The hand he had gestured with moved to point towards the right wall to where Ymir assumed something lay beyond he wanted to point out.

"We… we meaning myself and my people… will be entertaining more guests from out of town within the next few days, people very interested in the underground economy of this state. While I have no reason to believe they will know anything about you, nor of the people looking for you, I would rather not risk keeping the four of you here; there is a small residence building just beside this compound I would ask you to remain in until they leave on the morrow."

He stopped talking and it seemed as though waiting, and hoping, for confirmation that this arrangement would be satisfactory. Having had her hand on Historia's back, Ymir could feel her quivering.

"Thank… "

The blonde stopped then, but her intent of speaking had become clear.

"Thank you."

Zeke turned to regard her calmly.

"I have sinned grievously against you all, against people you care for. I can't begin to make it right, but hopefully a gesture such as this will convince you of my honesty. Or at least start to."

Kind words, but Ymir had trouble believing them; it then struck her that this was probably simply because she wasn't sure she could trust anyone ever again, especially not the man who had wronged her so badly all those years ago. Still, she didn't dare speak against what he had said, but as she looked off to her left, she could see the suspicion written across Sasha's face, a small mix against the sickness that dominated it. Drumming his fingers in a harsh rhythm once over the table, Zeke stood.

"The rest of you, we will be leaving in about ten minutes. Any goodbyes… "

He made no eye contact with any of them.

"Make them quick."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Joe paced his room frantically as he waited for Zeke to return. He had a sneaking suspicion that the older man had only told him everything he had in order to keep him in his room; Joe was sure his odds of actually being able to go through with this were lessening by the second.

 _He can't really want me around as a soldier, can he? And even if he did, what's he risking in all this besides my life? This is a no brainer for him, just let me take the chance…_

As he heard footsteps outside his room, instinct told him to dive back into his bed and feign sleep; if Zeke had come knocking, then he would spring up, but as a painful tear widened in his heart, he realized he didn't want to be awake for anyone else. Even her.

The knock that sounded so faintly it may have been someone brushing the door on accident ensured him that it was not Zeke who had come to see him. Closing his eyes and taking deep measured breaths, he listened as the door clicked and opened silently and quiet steps made their way to his bedside. A weight pressed down on the part of the bed near his chest, and he could tell that someone had sat down beside him. Moments later, fingers slide themselves through his hair to gently caress his head.

"We're going now."

Mikasa's voice was very soft. She stroked him a few moments more before adding four more words gently.

"I know you're awake."

He sighed and opened his eyes slowly. She was watching him without a trace of real emotion, though she continued to stroke him as though he were a cat.

"Sorry."

"I think I'm supposed to say that."

He hadn't expected this and looked up at her.

 _Maybe?_

"Why?"

Her fingers stopped at the top of the back of his neck as she seemed to deliberate something.

"What I did. What I pulled you into."

Joe honestly didn't know what to say to this and he was only able to weakly manage a few words.

"I… I thought you were going to KILL her… not that… "

She shook her head dismissively.

"I don't know if Sasha has ever had feelings for you. But even if she had, or does, that doesn't matter. Last night she wasn't looking to take you that way."

Her eyes glazed slightly.

"Sex has always been her escape. Or at least, sexual activity. I remember one day junior year of high school, she botched a chemistry test real bad and was terrified of taking home another bad grade to her father."

She paused and Joe wet his lips slowly.

"And?"

A genuine, yet faint smile crossed over her face, causing him to remember all the reasons he had fallen in love with Mikasa in the first place.

"And I went down to get some sporting equipment from the weight room during lunch and found her in there with one hand down her pants and the other jamming some random guy's cock in her mouth."

Joe could feel the scandalized look on his face.

"Christ."

"Yeah. Began to notice a pattern of Sasha winding up in situations like that following stressful situations. Brought up to Ilse at one point and she said not to worry, it's been her way of coping for years."

She gave him another smile.

"You're not even remotely close to the first guy who's been in her."

Not remotely amused as her expression suggested he should be, Joe shifted uncomfortably under his covers.

"You still… shouldn't have done that."

Her smile faded quickly enough to send a current of fear back into his veins.

"Did she try and stop me?"

"I… no, but… "

"Sex is what she wanted. Sex is what she got."

"She didn't… "

"Don't you think she would have stopped me if she didn't want that?"

Joe burst out then, knowing his pent-up emotions could land him in hot water with Mikasa, but knowing they would tear him apart if they remained inside him any longer.

"Did you see her face?! At all, during that entire period?! She was in shock, depressed, in pain, and instead of trying to help her, or talk to her, you sat her on my fucking dick!"

Tears blurred his vision then as the fight began to leave him as quickly as it had leapt up.

"And I let you."

He looked down then, unable to meet her eyes, and terrified of what he might see if he did.

 _Oh God, I am scared of her. I really am, I really don't know what she'll do, I can't predict her, I can't understand her anymore…_

"Fine."

Her tone had become stiff and he felt hairs on his neck rise that had nothing to do with her fingers being there. Looking up, he swallowed and watched her look down at him, a very mild betrayed look in her eyes.

"I'll apologize to her when we leave, shall I?"

 _No, you won't._

He didn't call her out on what he knew was a lie, though, he was in a deep enough hole as is.

"You're leaving?"

"To the meeting downtown, yes."

A hard lump formed in Joe's throat, strong enough to where he propped himself up in order to breathe properly.

"You're… all going?"

"Everyone save for you, Historia, Florian, Ymir and Ilse."

This was a tremendously odd lineup, and Joe could feel his brow furrowing.

"How… why… "

"Don't worry about it now. I may… "

She moved as if to stand, then seemed as though she was unable to move.

"I may not see you for a while."

These words, that may once have filled him with fear, drove a very different emotion into him.

"Why?"

"My father will be there."

Then, the fear came. Joe sat up so quickly that, even with all the painkillers flooding his body, he growled in pain at the stress on his back. Mikasa placed a hand on his chest, though she looked unsure if she should push him down or not.

"What?! And you're going?!"

"Yes."

Blinking frantically, he shook his head.

"I think I need to have a chat with Zeke!"

He actually made to stand up, but she pushed him back this time; he glared up at her, knowing he would be well unable to combat her strength.

"Does he know what… "

Knowing what he knew then, he couldn't believe he was able to sputter out the next two words of his sentence.

"… your father has done to you?!"

"Well enough, yes."

He gripped her upper arm in a panic now. Was this why she was so indifferent, so unconcerned with everyone around her, so… emotionless?

"You can't go! You said I may not see you again for a while, I know what that means!"

His hysteria mixed with his odd tone of triumph as though he had just figured out some tremendous secret. She continued to look at him with the same apathetic look, though she took his hand slowly from her arm to hold it in hers. Her lack of a reply spurned him onwards; it all made sense now, her actions last night, her strange attitude that had him so on edge.

"I won't let you! You leave to see him and… "

The words caught in his throat.

"I'll never see you again."

No reply still and he began to feel as though he was in a dream, where he would scream warnings to someone far off, yell at them to get away, to run, but no matter how loud he shouted, the person would pay him no heed as his calls became more and more desperate. After near a minute of him staring with fright at her, she seemed to sag slightly as though a huge weight had just dropped itself onto her.

"Joe… "

He could hear the question in her voice and he looked at her expectantly.

"Hold me."

And she lay her head on his chest, sliding arms around his near-numb back; moving his mouth wordlessly, he did as she requested, feeling her warmth and feeling her breathe slowly. They remained there for what could have been days before Joe felt her begin to quake slightly against him, barely enough to be noticeable. Then, a warm wetness could be felt against his shirt and he realized she was crying. Gritting his teeth and feeling his own tears begin to stir restlessly, he kissed the top of her head.

 _How fucking stupid I was… to think that I could save her from everything this world has thrown at her. I'm not nearly that powerful, but I thought… I thought I could save her. Protect her._

He remembered Eren, who had made him swear.

 _I promised._

He remembered Hange telling him what had happened when Mikasa had left to see her father.

 _I failed._

He thought to now, when everything seemed most dire.

 _I'm failing._

And then, he remembered what was between Zeke, Alex, and himself.

 _But I can still succeed._

That thought was all that let him finally release her to walk away towards what he knew were the most wicked men he had ever known.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Hey, Zoe."

…

"Your girls still haven't been found."

…

…

"You wouldn't happen to know of any safehouses left they could have left to, would you?"

…

"Bah, stupid question. Anyway, don't matter. Kenny seems to think at least one of them is going to show up to this regardless, if only because he's using himself as bait. So, you're going to come with me."

…

"You'll be… using me… as a hostage."

"Just in case, Zoe, just in case."

"They won't give up themselves for me."

"That's some bullshit and you know it. They loved you, they'd give a finger to even know if you were still alive."

"How do… you know?"

"I just have this feeling. You all were very close."

…

…

"Ackerman bitch's father is going to be there."

"… what?"

"Yeah. Kenny seems super sure that his niece will be present, so he brought his brother along. And man, you'd shit yourself worse than you already have if you knew what he's got in mind for her."


	52. Chapter 52

As an almost overwhelming combination of excitement, anxiety, and fear washed over him, Joe couldn't help but feel slightly satisfied at the look of grudging acceptance on Zeke's face as he gestured over the items that had been lain before them.

"They're all I can afford to spare, and they're all I think you'll need. Whether you can actually pull this off is up to you."

Looking over his small arsenal, Joe nodded, trying not to sound like he was grandstanding.

"I think I'll be able to do just fine with this."

Taking a step forward, Zeke nodded at each of the guns in turn.

"Heckler and Koch four-one-six carbine, three mags to go with it. Remington eight-seventy, compact and short barrel, ten shells. Five Seven, four mags."

He walked around the table where the guns had been lain, scratching the back of his head and looking somewhat antsy.

"All with silencers as per your request."

Joe had forced Alex to go over the layout of the building, as well as everything he was able to find out about how it was being protected, several times, but he still found himself rethinking of everything he had been taught as he did his best to absorb what the older man before him was saying. He knew that time was of the essence as well as precision and forethought, and he knew that the latter was something he had failed dismally at in the past.

"… after which point Galliard will drive you out to the start of the road and will let you make the rest of the trip on your own. He has been instructed to wait as long as necessary, or until nightfall, but should you not return within the time it takes to make it downtown in time, he will radio in and I will have to assume that you didn't make it, or didn't have enough time."

All things considered, Joe thought that Zeke was being very polite in phrasing what could easily have been put as "I will have to assume you fucked up."

"What's his alibi in the miniscule chance that a car happens to pull by and happens to stop and ask what he's doing waiting on the side of the road?"

"I've suggested taking a camouflage tent and pitching it on the other side of the road. He'll be able to sit and watch the truck, but will be in no trouble or danger if someone comes poking around."

"Alright."

He looked over the guns with a growing sense of apprehension; it would have made him feel tremendously more comfortable if he could have brought his Colt, but it didn't have a silencer, and stealth was going to be the true key for what he was about to undertake. Nodding, he crossed his arms and adopted what he hoped looked to be a politely confident look.

"I'll do everything in my power to make this work."

Zeke nodded as he appeared to stifle a concerned look.

"Should you pull it off by some miracle, Galliard will bring you around the back of the building. Make your way to the top and… I guess you know what to do from there."

Joe met his eyes and saw a look that seemed very much like a parent giving instructions to their child who was heading off to his first house party.

"Now, don't be worried to turn tail and run if you need to. This isn't something I want you to throw your life away doing if it gets to be too much."

Throwing him a mockingly kind look, Joe picked up the carbine and checked the chamber.

"Awfully kind of you to say."

Zeke didn't crack a smile at the sarcasm and rather frowned as he watched Joe go over his weapons.

"I mean it. If you turn up dead, that could raise a lot of questions, ones that could potentially, by some happenstance, lead back to me."

He scratched the back of his head, and even before he spoke, Joe sense the apprehension that had nothing to do with what he was about to undertake.

"And to boot, your girlfriend is under the impression that… if she goes along with me willingly, I'll promise to keep you here and keep you safe."

His eyes moved towards the ground as he seemed to be regretting everything that was happening to him.

"Wouldn't do well if the day I made that promise, you turned up dead."

Joe felt both a rush of affection for Mikasa and a growing fear towards what would become of her by the day's end. The fact that she was going to meet the man who was masquerading as her father had his guts in a completely separate knot from the one that had formed thinking about what he was about to do. He knew this was the only way he would be able to ensure that he would have every chance to save her from possibly being stolen away by that monster. But nonetheless, he felt a feeling of appreciation to Zeke for covering for him; Joe had no doubt that Mikasa would be in the room in a second with her hands on his throat if she knew what he was about to attempt, and in the condition he was in.

As if on cue, he twisted a little quickly and winced; Zeke saw his movement and furrowed his brow.

"Still hurts, even after that heavy a dosage."

Joe was quick to cover his tracks.

"Just a twinge here and there, nothing really to be that noticeable, especially not when I'm out in the thick of it."

Zeke didn't look remotely convinced, but rather looked towards the door as though Joe's room and the pills within were just on the other side.

"Bring some for the road just in case."

He looked back, a more businesslike look on his face.

"Now, you know how long the drive is, there will be only the one lookout to have to deal with… "

Joe raised a hand as inoffensively as he could.

"I know, I got it."

Again, Zeke held the air of looking unconvinced, but didn't press the issue.

"Alright then. We'll be leaving now."

He made for the door and Joe looked once more at his gear. He spoke without thinking.

"Hey."

The older man stopped but didn't turn completely, only angling his head very slightly. Joe continued, realizing he needed to say what he was thinking.

"If… if you have to give Mikasa to him… if we both can't stop it… you know I'll have to get her back."

Zeke's eyes moved down slightly as he seemed to consider this; Joe wanted to make sure there were no misunderstandings.

"I won't rest and I won't stop at anything. I'm not losing her again."

He thought to everything that had been going through his mind previously, of everything he had confessed to Florian. He thought of how, despite what he knew, that he was still scared of her, he always had been and how he couldn't come to terms with what she had done to Sasha.

 _What I did to Sasha._

But it didn't matter. He had to protect her, and he was gambling everything on this. This was his best chance to ensure Mikasa wouldn't be taken from him; if not for this opportunity, he would be making this trip as well, to make sure that nothing happened to her.

From the doorway, Zeke seemed to come to terms with something and let out a relaxed sigh.

"Then I guess you better not fuck this up."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Ymir paced the halls of the floor they were currently occupying, trying not to overthink her current situation. On one hand, she was endlessly grateful for the fact that she and her family were not about to be dragged into another situation where they would have to encounter Kenny and people like him. Knowing that they would be able to stay back and stay hidden from that side of the world was very relieving.

On the other, and very heavy hand, however, doubts and worries seemed to spring eternal the moment she managed to steady herself with the weight of the rest. How could she allow herself, Historia and Ilse to remain under the protection of a man who she knew was capable of far more evil then anyone other than her and Sasha knew of? After hearing everything Historia had told her about her childhood and how she had ended up on the run at such a terribly early age, it was almost impossible to keep quiet about her own past, especially when she considered how much they mirrored each other. But telling Historia all this now, when they were in the most safe position they had been in in weeks seemed foolhardy and dangerous. Ymir had every intention of leaving as soon as they could, but for now, it was time to let the storm blow over.

 _If she knows that we're being housed by a man who was willing to rape a middle school student, and she's sitting here with a baby…_

The gravity of what she was thinking came crashing down on her very quickly and she stopped just outside her door.

 _Can I really stay here knowing what I know? Can I… assume that he's maybe… that he won't do anything like what he did to me way back then?_

She still couldn't even keep her eyes on Zeke for longer than a few seconds without feeling nauseous, but it ultimately came back to the fact that he was offering them asylum. For now, that was enough to keep Ymir from taking her family and running, or killing the man himself.

Or both.

Sighing, she found herself wishing they knew what had become of Levi. He would surely be able to control this situation, even if he had been among them captured. They had engaged in a brief discussion the previous night about what may have happened to him, and while there had been no conclusion reached, Ymir had noticed how Annie had looked considerably uncomfortable while Historia and Jean argued fervently about what to think.

"We can't assume he somehow as survived on his own for as long as he has without coming in contact with us!"

"And how exactly was he supposed to track us down? We've been essentially kidnapped in case you haven't noticed."

"You're just banking too hard on the possibility that he somehow is alive somewhere… "

"How can you prove to me he isn't? He was more capable of doing that than any of us put together!"

Ymir had occasionally offered support for Historia's argument if only because she was more or less required to by the laws of being a proper girlfriend, but her attention remained transfixed on the other short blonde in the room. By the time the discussion had ended, Ymir had a sneaking suspicion that Annie knew something about Levi that none of the rest of them did.

 _I can't bring it up now… but she knows something. I'll find out what it is in time._

"Guess… guess you're getting a pass."

Turning, Ymir saw Sasha making her way reluctantly down the hall to where Ymir knew Reiner was waiting to escort them all to the vehicles that would be taking them into town. She felt fear for her friends, but all she could really do was hope that Zeke would keep his word and not give them to Kenny.

"Don't look so down."

Her sarcastic words elicited no response from her friend; months ago, perhaps even weeks, this would have given Sasha reason to fix her with a smile, even if it was a small one. Now, the only thing the brunette did was shake her head slowly, looking tired, anxious and sick all at once.

"I don't know if he's telling the truth. I'm scared, Ymir."

Ymir felt the urge to walk over and pull her friend into a hug, but something kept her where she was. Something was wrong.

 _Sasha… even after losing Ilse…_

There was a sickening pang in her heart, and she tried to keep from letting grief flood back in, as it so easily could do if she let it.

 _Even after that, being put in this predicament now, the Sash I knew would have tackled this situation with a challenging and shit-eating smile, not letting it get the better of her. She would be cracking stupid jokes to hide her nerves, and would hit me with an insult for being able to stay behind. Something else is going on._

"Hey, Sash?"

As though she had forgotten she was standing in the hall in the presence of another person, Sasha snapped her head up, looking surprised.

"Yeah, what's up?"

She spoke a little too quickly. Ymir crossed her arms and looked her up and down, and furrowed her brow slightly, trying not to look overly suspicious.

"What's going on?"

Sasha dropped the jacket she was carrying, but didn't seem to notice. Her eyes were wide and she was looking at Ymir as though she had just asked a very rude question rather than a concerned one.

"What do you mean?"

Again, spoken a little too fast to be passed as casual or even normal. Ymir shifted her weight, trying to find the best way to approach this; she knew that Sasha along with the rest would be leaving soon and she had limited time to figure this out. She hated the idea of cutting the chase too quickly, but she didn't think at that point that she had a choice. Speaking low and clearly, she let her arms drop to her sides, adopting as gentle a pose as she could; Sasha would not do well under this line of questioning if Ymir was digging even a little aggressively.

"Something's up with you. Sometime between when we all went to bed last night, and now, something happened to you. Or you decided something, or you've changed your mind about something, or I don't fucking know, Sash, but I can just tell."

Realizing a card she was able to play, she lay it down without waiting.

"The same way you knew something was wrong with me back at the cabin."

Sasha looked terrified as though she had just been caught in the act of doing something terribly perverse. Her hand seemed to drift unconsciously to her stomach and she massaged the bottom of it, just above her waist.

"Can't… don't know what you're talking about… just worried… about what's… what will happen to… everyone… "

She was stammering so badly that Ymir was amazed she was able to form words at all, but she refused to relent.

"Sash, I told you what was the matter with me, didn't I? It was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to tell someone, but I trusted you enough to confide by far the most painful secret about my past. I trusted you, Sash, to tell you what had me so worked up. I'm asking you now to do the same thing."

Her foot moved as if to step forward, but she caught herself. She wasn't entirely convinced that Sasha wouldn't run if she made even the slightest movement towards her.

"Tell me what's wrong. Please."

It sounded like an order and Ymir cursed her naturally brash nature. Sasha looked horrified, worse than she had moments before. Her hand was still massaging her waist as her jaw moved and up and down like a broken robot.

"I… I… I just wanted… I just… needed… someone… I thought that… he wouldn't… he didn't… but… Mika, she… she… "

Ymir had been trying desperately to piece together Sasha's assorted words like she was arranging a puzzle, but everything came to a halt when she heard the name.

"Mika? What? What did she do?"

Sasha gasped as though she had just had freezing water dumped down her back.

"I can't… I shouldn't have… my fault, I… "

"Sasha."

Ymir had opened her mouth, but her voice wasn't the one that called the brunette's name. Sasha gave a short scream and Ymir turned to see Mikasa standing at the other end of the hallway.

"We're leaving."

Fumbling for her dropped jacket, Sasha picked it up and rushed past Ymir without so much as another word or even a moment of eye contact. She was around the corner in an instant, her pattering footsteps fading away behind the slam of the door that led to the staircase. Mikasa looked calmly after her and after a moment made to follow.

"Looks like she's seen some real shit."

The black haired girl stopped and looked back towards Ymir.

"What do you mean?"

The question was almost identical to the one Sasha had said to her moments before, but it wasn't said in a panic. Ymir wasn't sure if she found that or the calmness with which Mikasa spoke it more off-putting.

"Apparently something happened to her last night. She didn't look like she wanted to say much about it, but she mentioned your name."

Mikasa looked back at her with an angering amount of passivity.

"What's up with that? Did you force feed her LSD that hasn't worn off yet? Threaten her with the most disgusting torture possible?"

They were stupid and untrue possibilities, but Ymir knew that. Her mind was working very quickly.

"Not sure what happened, but it sounds like maybe you have some making up to do."

Mikasa continued to regard her with emotionless eyes, so much worse than Annie's freezing orbs.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Suddenly, Ymir couldn't stand the sight of her old friend. Sneering and shaking her head, she turned away to head into her room, knowing that she wasn't going to get anything close to the truth out of the person she once would have given her life for.

"Ymir."

It was her turn to stop though she didn't look back.

"You're staying behind."

There were several half-assed remarks Ymir could have spit, and she somehow settled on one of the less-biting ones.

"That's the rumor."

"Joe's also staying behind."

 _So I've heard, you stupid cunt._

"Yeah."

Mikasa's eyes flashed briefly.

"If I come back… and you've hurt him… if you've so much as TOUCHED him, I will kill you."

Ymir looked back then, feeling a shit-eating grin begin to slide over her face.

"Ha, if you come back. You know full well your pops is gonna drag you out of there and either whip you half to death again or fuck your worn out pussy until you're dead of exhaustion."

There was no bristling from MIkasa at her comment, and Ymir knew she hadn't yet poked in the right area.

 _Do I really want to do this? Now?_

"Regardless, it makes no sense, you worrying about him. You won't be in any position to help him if I decide to string up him up and gut him upside down."

Then, she saw Mikasa slowly ripple with silenced rage, her lips tightening very slightly, but she still made no comment. Ymir wondered what she was thinking.

 _She probably would like nothing more than to choke the life out of me. But she can't._

Eyes slowly lowering to the corner of the hall, Mikasa seemed to be barely in control of her voice.

"When this is over… when I get away from him… and I WILL get away from him… I'll take Joe and we'll leave."

Ymir nodded slowly.

"And we'll never have to see each other again."

Mikasa's eyes glowed with an almost desperate hate.

"I'll do everything in my power to move us somewhere where by even the most insane coincidence, I won't… we won't see you ever again."

Ymir continued nodding.

"I think that would be for the best I think."

Despite her satisfaction at heckling Mikasa, her heart pounded furiously.

"I don't want him near Ilse. Ever again."

Her mouth turning at the corner in a rare smile, Mikasa disappeared down the hall, leaving Ymir to angrily consider her final words.

"I'm glad we understand each other."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Annie followed in Zeke's wake as they walked through the tremendous lobby of the business building, eyes moving to the stainless tiles, glistening chandelier and quietly running fountain. An enormous silver door that clearly opened to an elevator rested at the opposite end; the only woman at the reception desk looked up, eyes traveling around the same entourage that had entered her lobby, but she returned Zeke's nod as they passed her. Annie continued to remain within one step of Mikasa, somehow not able to trust herself to leave her friend alone for a single moment.

 _We're taking her right to him… so help me God, we're taking her right to him._

She, along with Mikasa, Jean, and Sasha had not been granted guns, but she knew that the three ahead of them had hidden arms; she knew for a fact that Reiner had a sidearm jammed in the back of his pants. She was fighting the mad desire to pull it free and try and shoot the three of them before forcing Mikasa back out the door and getting her as far away from this place as she could.

 _How can I just let this happen?_

A memory unbidden leapt to her mind and she thought to when she had prevented Joe from murdering Mikasa's father as he walked through an airport parking lot. She had only done it at Mikasa's behest, and her decision to grant her friend's request was something that haunted her to that day.

 _If I had just… let him. Where would we be now?_

Would Mikasa have gotten together with him when she had been so adamantly against the murder of her father? Would she have rejected Joe and possibly forced him from the group? Could… could she have found someone else?

"Thirty-second floor."

Annie hadn't even noticed that they had all crowded into the large elevator and she only got on last glimpse of the lobby before the door closed. With a gentle and muffled clunk, they began to ascend; the trip seemed to last minutes before the ding sounded and the doors opened again.

Men with openly large assault rifles stood not feet in front of them and Annie was surprised at their large show of force in such broad daylight. She assumed that the building had been closed off while this meeting had taken place. One of men stepped forward and spoke gruffly.

"Ya'll armed?"

His voice sounded vaguely familiar, but Annie didn't have time to think about it. Zeke nodded to his left and right.

"Just myself and these two associates, none of the rest."

"Gonna need them."

"Of course."

Steadily and slowly, Zeke, Reiner and Bertholdt passed their handguns over. When they had finished, the second man jerked his head down the hall.

"Off you go."

Zeke gave a short, appreciative bow and set off briskly the way that had been gestured. Both men on guard looked off after him, with furrowed brow, likely at a loss for his formal and upbeat behavior. Mikasa followed behind him faster than even Reiner and Bertholdt, and Annie rushed to catch up. The hall was as decorative and business-like as the lobby had been; clean walls dimly lit with a deep maroon carpet. Annie had a wild thought to the hallways from The Shining. At the very end of the hall, a tremendous wooden double door towered before them, looming like a giant closed mouth. Zeke stopped in front of it, looking it up and down with a slightly bemused look on his face. He looked back down the hall, but the two men guarding the elevator were well out of sight. He shrugged.

"Guess we should knock."

The sound of his knuckle colliding with the finished wood echoed hollow and loud, and before it had even faded, a shout from within the room rang out.

"Yeah, come in!"

This voice was familiar as well, but this time, it was immediately recognizable as well. Annie tensed and ground her teeth quietly; Mikasa's fist clenched and unclenched next to her; Sasha was wearing a very confident and defiant set of eyes, but the fact that she was chewing her lower lip completely gave away her very high nerves and Annie realized she was standing a portion apart from the rest of them. Jean looked by far the best of them, but even he was wearing a tight expression; he was to enter behind the rest of them to maintain the image that he had come on his own accord. Zeke sighed and pushed the door open.

The meeting room was large and rectangular, with a long mahogany table down its center. It was better lit than the hall, but the increased light seemed only harsh, not illuminating. The ceiling was lower as well, and seemed almost out of place in comparison the rest of the building.

"Alright, one party down, only one more we're waiting on, better… "

Around the table sat an unusual cluster of people; at one side sat Armin and Eren, the former looking like he was trying hard to remain confident while not passing out, looking as though he was guising as Armin's aid. The short blonde man looked better than Annie would have imagined him as, though she noticed his hand shaking on the table as he looked ahead with fierce resolve in his eyes. Beside them was a portly and very nervous looking man who Annie recognized as the mayor as she had seen him in many local commercials over the past couple years. On the other end sat another portly man, though he seemed much more calm and exerted an air of being well in control and on his left sat Annie's reason for alarm.

She hadn't seen Mikasa's father in any real good light, so as he appeared before her now, it was almost as though she were seeing him for the first time. He was large and imposing, despite his hunch and tiny black eyes. Behind his bush of facial fair, he looked to be perpetually scowling. He looked over each of them in turn, and Annie saw his eyes come to rest on Mikasa and she resisted the urge to step in front of her as his eyes narrowed. In the center of them all, Kenny was the only one standing, save for the numerous men who stood behind him with guns at the ready. Next to his seat sat a grim and sharp looking woman with hair tied back; Annie had the immediate impression that she was a lawyer.

 _Carven… I remember Hange talking about her._

Kenny's possible love interest and someone who they had considered using to their advantage before everything had started falling around them.

 _What I wouldn't give to have those days back._

Kenny stood, having cut himself off, mouth opening and closing in confusion as his eyes moved between the several people who now stood before him. He was clearly shocked, but slowly that shock faded, and a vile menace Annie knew well crept over his eyes; she knew hell could very well be only seconds away.

"Well. I suppose we have much to talk about."


	53. Chapter 53

Ymir spent perhaps a few minutes too long dawdling in the back hallway where she knew that she wouldn't be bothered. Her nerves were steaming for Annie and Sasha, but she had absolutely no intention of seeing them off while Mikasa was there. With any luck, Zeke would keep his word, and Ymir would have the first moment of her life where she would be thankful for him. Grunting, she made a fist and drove it against the wall behind her, slowly pushing until her knuckles yelled with strain.

 _I could never really be thankful for him, I don't think._

She had thought so many times to the moments where they had made singular, fleeting eye contact, and still couldn't fully come to grips with the fact that he hadn't recognized her. Could he not, really, even after all the years she hadn't been in his life, not recognize her by name or face after all the comfort and eventual hell he had provided her? He had been there when she had visited his office whenever she needed him, she had cried, confessed to him while he looked on quietly, eventually offering words that ultimately couldn't stem her emotions in the slightest, but had been the only thing she had. Then, that day, and the last bit of her innocence was dragged away helplessly. Whatever he did for her now would never be enough for her to put behind the ultimate betrayal he had rested upon her.

 _Maybe it's better just… to just…_

The door at one end of the hallway swung open and Ymir stepped away from the wall, adopting a neutral stance. Though she had spent limited time in the compound, this area of the building had always seemed to be the emptiest. The person who was invading her privacy stepped through, eyes down and clearly not immediately noticing her.

 _Ha._

Joe froze then as he saw who he was now sharing a hallway with and whatever he was holding in his left hand drifted far too casually behind his back for Ymir not to take notice. She was surprised to see him there, she was sure he would have gone down to the garage to see off Mikasa and the rest, but here he was, staring at her with clearly the most stony face he could manage.

"Not bothering to say goodbye? Might be awhile before you see her again."

Her voice was forcibly light and airy, and she felt furious satisfaction at the color his face took as his lips tightened.

"We already saw each other."

"Who, Mikasa or Sasha?"

She had said it more as a jab than anything, but after what Sasha had managed to sputter to her, she couldn't help but throw it at him. He didn't frown or force on a façade as she had expected though; his eyes grew wide and panic flitted across his face, before he reined in his feelings and took a deep breath.

"What are you talking about?"

But Ymir had seen it, she had seen the trepidation in his eyes, the disbelief that she may know something she shouldn't have. Rolling her shoulder in what she hoped was equal casualness to his hiding of whatever package he had concealed, she tilted her head back at him.

"Sasha seemed to think that something happened between you and her last night. I get the feeling Mikasa was a part of it too."

It was almost worth it just to watch his face flip expressions in a barely controlled frenzy, but Ymir could feel anger bubbling as she realized that something serious had indeed transpired between the three of them.

 _Did they pull her aside, threaten her with something? I can't see Joe doing something like that, but if Mikasa roped him into it…_

Joe seemed to realize that his best course of action was to simply leave the situation as it was, since there really wasn't any way he was going to be able to remedy it. Drawing himself up in an almost cartoonish way, he shrugged.

"Not sure exactly what you're on about, but I really don't have time to… "

Ymir was no prepared to let him escape that easily.

"What happened, huh? Something you don't want the rest of us knowing about? Did you put Sash up to something she's not for?"

He swallowed and shook his head almost robotically.

"I… no. I don't know what the hell you're on about."

Ymir was suddenly pulled back to a memory from what seemed like so long ago, when she and Joe had taken a walk in a hallway very much like this one. Her discussion she had started with him, she had found out afterwards, took place only minutes before Joe found out that Kenny had requested his murder. Ymir had been trying to rationalize in her head if killing him would be worth what the consequences would amount to if they were just able to use it to get on Kenny's good side.

 _If only I had shot you then and there…_

He began walking again and she considered stopping him and forcing an answer out of him, but her body remained still as he pushed past her and out the other doorway, leaving her along again. Grunting again, Ymir kicked the wall, knowing full well that killing him at the time wouldn't have solved a damn thing.

 _Shoulda done it anyway._

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Florian walked slowly across the brief outing of pavement that stood between the two buildings; the residence that she and her sister's family were taking up was far smaller than the compound they had been staying in, but was much more welcoming by comparison. It could have been a single apartment for all it looked, and it appeared very out of place next to the windowless, towering building next to it. Florian wondered what the purpose of it was as she pushed the door open.

The insides were better lit than where they had stayed the night before, and were almost reminiscent of the house that she and Frieda had shared for the better part of…

 _Frieda._

She bit her lower lip and closed her eyes, demanding all her willpower to keep from letting tears spring up. She couldn't think about that the same way she knew the others couldn't think about Ilse. Healing wouldn't come now, it may never come, but regardless, there was nothing she could do about the pain now. She had to focus on something else.

 _Someone else, something else, some other problem… Joe said that he…_

Letting out a very shaky sigh, she made a fist and pounded the wall, as the tears came much faster than she had been ready for. Since the day Frieda had died, Florian had done everything in her power to try and force herself to blame Joe for everything that had happened, but as much as she tried, as much as she cried at night, cursing him, she knew that it wasn't fair. She and Frieda had told him everything, had led him to reveal what he had to them about Kenny, had led him to offer his help. That had been her and Frieda's goal, hadn't it? To hunt down Kenny, and then their father, for what the two of them had done to Abel and Historia? The latter had been found, granted, and Florian had cornered her sister over that at the second cabin; a teary confession revealed that the gunshots were warnings, and then their father had left her in foster care until he found her before she started high school and forced her into a town further away. That had been where she met the other girls, Ymir included.

 _At least something good came of it._

But that was why they had come to this damn city in the first place. To find Kenny Ackerman, and now, Frieda was dead and Florian had Joe taken from her.

 _Would I even want him? DO I?_

It may not all have been his fault, but she would never forget the bare few seconds when Frieda had met his eyes.

" _Kill him."_

" _Alright."_

And then he had rushed, and she had died, and… his laugh. Of everything, she would never forget his laugh. He had said later that it was someone else, a second personality or something of the like, but it didn't matter to Florian. His actions had issued from him and him alone. She had run over again and again in her mind, of confronting him and demanding a true explanation. But she knew deep down that she still had feelings for him, and her line of vigorous questioning wouldn't get far. That, and there wasn't a moment she had been able to find where she could find him outside the company of Mikasa.

 _Mikasa…_

Not ever in her life had she met a person who had so quickly put her on edge. Her hawk-eyes and sharp stature, and the sheer amount of hostility she exuded just by standing near Florian had been enough for her to weakly relinquish her relationship with Joe if only because she hoped that he would be able to come to a decision about who he wanted to be with. The hug she and Mikasa had shared afterwards had been so forced, yet there hadn't seemed to be any other option. And every day since then, she had seen the two of them seeming almost always to be together. The initial sightings had been painful, but as she had watched them from a distance, she noticed something.

Joe and Mikasa shared plenty of moments that exuded the affection a couple ought to; they kissed, held each other, smiled and talked quietly and privately, and Florian was no stranger having to listen to them attempting to procreate within the small space they had been granted. But as she continued to watch them out of the corner of her eye, she could see something other than love in Joe's eyes; when his gaze wasn't on Mikasa, when she would guide him to their room in the few evenings they had spent, he had seemed to have had real fear in his eyes. That would have been curious enough if not for the last day before they had left, and Florian had come to a singularly, grim conclusion. Joe had returned to his room to go to sleep early and Mikasa had watched him go. Her eyes hadn't burned then of the love Florian had seen, nor the fear that she had caught in Joe's. Obsession was all she saw, and it frightened her.

 _She's head over heels for him… or worse. What is he to her? She seems to love him, but… there's something so much more than that. Does she think… he belongs to her?_

And then Florian realized that had been it. Mikasa looked at Joe the way a stingy collector eyed their most prized piece; obsessive and desperate over what was surely their greatest personal accomplishment. He existed alongside her as such, but behind his gaze, he was scared of her. His brief and almost panicked confession that morning had confirmed Florian's theory. She hadn't a clue how to respond to it, though, and it was all she could do to keep from going to confronting Mikasa before her departure not minutes before. But now that she was finally gone, Florian had decided this was her chance to track down Joe and find out as much as she could from him. Maybe then, she could finally…

"Nice place we got."

She turned, wiping her cheeks on her sleeve to see Ymir standing a few paces behind her, eying their temporary home. Clearing her throat to make sure it didn't break, Florian made a movement that was half a shrug and half a nod.

"It'll do."

Ymir seemed to notice that something was the matter and lowered her head, making to walk by. When she was about to round a corner that likely led to the bedrooms, Florian called after her.

"Hey, have you seen Joe? He wasn't in his room."

It was as though she had jammed a Taser into Ymir's spine; the taller girl straightened and twitched her neck almost spastically as she opened and closed her mouth. Her fingers clenched and unclenched, before she turned her head without looking back.

"No."

And she was off behind the corner. Florian swallowed and closed the door behind her, cutting the stream of sunlight from outside; she wondered what had happened now, that had caused Ymir to lie to her about having seen him.

 _I need to find him, this might be my only chance. I can talk to him, I can try to understand him and maybe then we can run away and…_

Really? Run away? With him? What sort of stupid idea was that? But as she walked into the small kitchen they had been provided with and sat down, letting her mind work on where he could be, she couldn't help but feel elated at the idea of being able to escape this mad world, just the two of them.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Mikasa had her hands on her knees, driving her nails through her pants and causing them to bite against her skin. Kenny and Zeke were talking now, and it had become very clear to her that they were both playing a façade of pretending not to know what the other had done, or knew. But as much as she wanted to pay attention to this exchange, she couldn't help but let her eyes track their way over to her father, who she knew had only watched her since they had entered.

His eyes were narrowed and very slightly unfocused, and Mikasa wondered if he had been drinking. His meaty fingers were entwined in a rare show of restraint and calm, but his breathing had increased since she had sat down, reluctantly, across from him. As she stared back at him across the rich, wooden table, he spoke, jerking his chin.

"What happened to your face?"

Kenny and Zeke both cut off, turning to look at him, the former looking bothered that they had been interrupted. The mayor, who had been sweating profusely and hadn't said a word, snapped his head around as though he had been stung, and the other portly man, moved his eyes as well, though with a much more curious reserve. Mikasa tightened her grip even further, feeling a stinging pain in her knees, before Annie reached under the table and took her wrist and giving it a brief squeeze. Her pulse slowed slightly and she looked over to Zeke; he gave the barest shrug, and she took that as a go-ahead.

"I was in a fight."

Kenny gave a nod as though this settled the matter and turned back to Zeke, but Mikasa's father continued before he could utter so much as a syllable.

"Who with?"

She looked back at him, rerunning all the times they had spoken like this over dinner, while she and her mother waited for him to explode on either of them.

"Someone whom I disagreed with."

Again, Kenny made to speak and again, was unable.

"So, as I was about to ask… "

"You win the fight, then? Seeing as you're here?"

She wanted desperately to keep from getting smart, but he made it so easy, and antagonizing him was the only relief Mikasa had ever found in their relatively one-sided abusive relationship.

"Well, sometimes you can get in a fight and not die, you see."

The matter-of-fact in her voice was painfully obvious, and Annie's grip on her wrist multiplied tenfold while Eren and Jean both winced, and Armin made a jerking movement as though he had stopped himself from clapping a hand over his mouth. The only person who seemed not bothered by her lip looked to be the man whom the comment had been directed at. His fingers rubbed against each other slowly, and Mikasa remembered the black handle of the whip he had nearly killed her with, sitting tightly between the digits.

"I suppose."

Kenny shifted a little in his seat, eyebrows raised. Mikasa realized then that he looked rather tense, and it didn't seem to be because one of his competitors had walked in surrounded by several people who had pained him immensely in the past and vice versa.

"AS I WAS ABOUT TO ASK… "

He looked to Jean slowly.

"You have footholds in some several of the smaller communities, ones that larger businesses like myself aren't good at slipping into. Now that would provide both myself and… "

His words droned off to Mikasa losing their meaning; the business meant nothing to her anymore. She doubted it did to many of them, and at that moment, all she wanted was to ensure her own survival.

 _I have to get back to him._

Eren and Armin kept stealing looks at her across the table, and while she wanted to meet their eyes and give them perhaps a reassuring look, she knew her father was still watching her as well; any sign that the both of them meant something to her was more ammunition he could use against her in the future. She chose instead to look over at Zeke, who miraculously looked back to her. His expression was clear: "don't start shit."

Kenny had finished addressing Jean about something, and had turned back forward.

"… and while that is all very good… "

His expression, which had already been nothing pleasant, darkened.

"I think we ought to briefly talk about why you are trying fairly desperately to screw me over."

To Zeke's credit, he reacted just as a person who was completely innocent of the crime ought to.

"Beg pardon?"

Kenny didn't blink.

"These three young women. Have you any idea what they've done?"

Zeke opened his mouth, but as he made to reply, Reiner's deep voice rolled across the table.

"I'm not sure what you're insinuating; we found them only a couple nights ago, they actually saved myself and my associate here."

He gestured to Bertholdt. Mikasa refused to look to anyone but who was speaking, worried that something in her face would reveal the lie that they had clearly stepped into.

"They said they were passing through and were looking for a place to settle. After talking, we found they had been in the business a while back, and so we offered them positions, since they're far more competent than most people we've come across."

Not a stutter was detectable in his story, and while there wasn't anything on Sasha's worried face that reflected she would be a competent worker, Mikasa thought that Reiner's tale was at least marginally believable. Kenny's eyes had widened significantly and it was impossible to tell if he had bought it; he was only trying to clear the names of himself, Zeke and Bertholdt, but whether or not Kenny would buy it…

"You're shitting me."

Mikasa bit the inside of her mouth. Kenny had slowly got to his feet and beside him, Carven looked of half a mind to do the same.

"And you believed them?"

Her heart caught in her throat. Zeke shrugged, again an incredibly innocent gesture.

"We had no reason to doubt them. They helped my guys out of a sticky spot and they showed us no ill will. In fact, they seemed quite grateful to have been offered a job… "

Kenny exploded.

"OF COURSE THEY DID! THEY'RE ON THE RUN FROM ME, THEY'VE BEEN FUCKING ME OVER AT EVERY TURN, I'VE BEEN… "

"Kenny."

The shorter, unknown man had spoken for the first time. Next to Kenny, he looked so tremendously inconsequential that Mikasa was surprised he didn't whirl on the shorter man and blow him away. But as it was, Kenny seemed to choke on something; his body heaved, but he stopped talking and seemed to deflate slightly; turning, he looked attentively to the man who had spoken his name.

"Yes?"

The man got up slowly and almost painfully. He may have had some kind of condition. Ignoring Kenny, he looked across the table directly at Mikasa; she turned to meet his gaze, not able to shake from her mind that her father had just sat back with a very satisfied look on his face.

"Do any of you know who I am?

Not Mikasa, Annie or Sasha answered, but instead, the shaky voice of Armin came from across the table.

"You're… Rod Reiss."

The man turned to look at him calmly.

"Interesting. I prefer to be relatively unknown."

Armin looked suddenly twice as terrified.

"I didn't mean… I just… I saw your name in the paper a few years back."

Rod gave a slow nod.

"Yes, that case will haunt me till the day I die, I fear."

He regarded Armin.

"You'll be the up and coming mayor, yes."

Ignoring the sputtering from the present mayor, Armin nodded modestly.

"That's the hope."

Silence fell briefly before Rod turned back to them. He was not by any means an imposing man, even after he had so quickly silenced Kenny. While he clearly had some level of great power or influence, Mikasa could tell that his small and quiet stature was how he liked to appear. And she hadn't let his name go amiss either.

 _Reiss… Florian's last name. Historia's last name._

It was immediately very difficult to assume that this man could have a relation to either of them, but Mikasa was done taking things at face value.

 _Maybe he thought they would be here…_

Rod had cleared his throat, an almost pitiful sound when compared to the furious bellowing Kenny had been releasing moments ago, but the room remained silent for him.

"I am not a man of outward imposition as you likely can tell."

His eyes only moved between Mikasa, Sasha and Annie, the latter had taken an even tighter grip on Mikasa's wrist.

"I prefer to have the power at my disposal move between other men and women before it reaches its intended target. I hate having to dirty my hands and will only do it if it is absolutely necessary."

His small hands rested on the table as he leaned over it, looking almost sad. His large belly nearly bumped over the table as he moved.

"That being said, the necessity of the men I surround myself is an important one. These men wield the power I have given them, and unless they do it well, they are replaced."

Zeke seemed to be listening to the man with rapt curiosity, but Mikasa could practically hear his mind racing from there.

"That's how I like to see men of power in this city and the neighboring towns. They work for me, and thus we share each other's power. Others who rise with power who do NOT work alongside me are a constant threat."

For the first time, a flash of menace crossed his face as he shook his head with his eyes closed.

"And if there's one thing I hate… it's being threatened."

In an efficient, yet almost casual pace, he pulled a gun from behind him and shot Armin in the side of the head. The resounding report from the gun sent everyone jerking instinctively as Eren vaulted to his feet, roaring.

"YOU SON OF A… "

He didn't finish his curse as Rod's gun moved up and fired. Blood spurted from Eren's throat as he collapsed back onto his chair; gurgling, his eyes fished frantically around the room and came to rest on Mikasa before another shot sounded and he slumped over, blood dripping down from between his eyes.

As though nothing had happened, Rod turned the gun over in his hands, examining it carefully. His gaze flicked up briefly.

"Sit down, please."

It wasn't until Annie mechanically tugged at her sleeve before Mikasa realized that he had been talking to her. She had no memory of standing and she had no memory of biting her tongue hard enough to draw blood. She obeyed Annie's pull and sat, but she couldn't even feel her own movements. What had just happened couldn't have happened. She refused to pretend it could have.

Rod placed the gun on the table with a loud clank of metal on wood. Sasha jumped and let out a whimper as Jean closed his eyes. Reiner, Zeke and Bertholdt and remained somehow stalwart, though Bertholdt looked noticeably paler than he had moments before. The guards who surrounded the other side of the table seemed perplexed and on edge as though they hadn't expected shooting to be possible from anyone other than them. They looked about, concern obvious, towards Kenny and Carven, but both of them had adopted impossibly calm expressions. How could anyone be calm after what had just happened? It wasn't until Mikasa heard her father chuckling appreciatively that she felt herself speak; the rage that spurred her was far away and cold. She wanted to scream and rage, to leap across the table and murder everyone sitting across from her with her bare hands, but all she could really think of was the smile Eren had given her on that playground so many years ago.

"They were a threat, were they?"

Her voice too, sounded distant, and not clear at all. Rod shrugged.

"I've been keeping up with him. His plan to run for mayor was going swimmingly, and he was gathering a lot of public support… "

It was Armin's face now, nodding encouragingly as they helped her up.

"… and he may very well have won the damn thing. But I like my mayor right where he is."

The mayor he spoke of did not look as though he appreciated this sentiment: he rather looked as though he was going to vomit all across the table. Rod gestured regretfully towards Armin.

"He was a bold soul, a noble one even. But I have no place for that, and I sure as hell wouldn't have been able to have him turn a leaf in my favor. And besides… "

His gaze returned to the three women across from him.

"I may not even have come to do this at all if it wasn't for you."

Mikasa wanted to howl at him and ask him how he could possibly figure that, but he spoke before she could get her ravaged conscious to draw the words up.

"One of my daughters worked for several years with you and knew you for longer. I would like very much to know where she has gone."

Shaking her head in disbelief, Mikasa couldn't even begin to summon words before Rod continued.

"I don't truly care for Kenny's war with you. He is overreacting as always, but as long as he keeps it between himself and you lot, I don't particularly mind. I cared nothing for my daughter's involvement either, but that changed when I was informed that she had borne a child."

He looked over them in turn.

"Where is she?"

Mikasa couldn't have given him an answer if she had one; her mouth had ceased functioning and judging by Sasha's second whimper, neither did she. It was all going wrong, so horribly wrong, Mikasa had wanted no one other than herself to be sacrificed to finish what she had assumed this was, but this was so much more than she had expected, than any of them had. Zeke looked helpless for the first time she had seen him and she couldn't blame him for looking at the three of them, just as expectant as Rod and the rest of the room. This was going to be it, they would deny him and would be killed, there was no other option, what could they say to…

"I killed her."

Annie's voice was a shard of ice through the palpable fog that was swirling through Mikasa's mind; snapping free of her internal despair, she looked over. The blonde's face was set, even a faint sneer was present.

"The father, Joe, had been getting a lot of shit from her and her girlfriend, so much so that one night when we were leaving the woods, Historia tried to kill him."

Her voice didn't shake until then, and Mikasa could feel the forced acting; it was very convincing.

"I… killed her and the baby, but I couldn't stop Joe's bleeding from where she had stabbed him. The three of them died before we made it back to civilization."

Rod was regarding her with unblinking eyes.

"And her girlfriend? She didn't object to this?"

Annie nodded, just barely.

"She hightailed it after fighting with Mikasa."

She gestured unnecessarily at Mikasa's face.

"I dealt with it, and she hightailed it. We haven't seen her since she ran away once we hit the road."

No one seemed daring to breath on their side of the table; Zeke had lowered his head as though respecting the falsified tragedy that had passed between them and Sasha and Jean followed suit. Mikasa realized that this was dependent on her as well, and she tightened her lips and looked at her knees. It was all she could manage; Eren and Armin's faces were still flashing in her head.

It was impossible to tell if Rod believed it. He now looked between all of them as though waiting for some kind of confirmation or something that would tell him Annie was lying. When he received nothing of the sort, he very gently lowered his head into his hands to massage his temples.

"I see."

Despite her pain, despite her agony, Mikasa felt an insignificant wave of something that might have been hope; could Annie's story have actually worked? She looked over towards her friend to exchange a brief meaningful look as Rod continued to have his head lowered.

The gunshot that sounded didn't seem to sound until well after the bullet had met its mark. Annie hadn't seen it coming as she too had been turning to face Mikasa. Her head jerked like a puppet, body loosely following suit; the whole of her rocked and then snapped pathetically forward as though she had braked very swiftly in a car. Mikasa remembered when she had needed to brake to keep from hitting Sasha and Ilse.

Like a marionette, Annie toppled against the table, head bouncing once. Mikasa couldn't even comprehend Sasha's scream as it echoed around the room in the wake of the gunshot, she could only stare into the eyes of a person who had done more for her than she could ever repay, as the lights in the cold, blue spheres faded into nothing.


	54. Chapter 54

" _ **Your past can be run from**_

 _ **You can put everything possible between you and it**_

 _ **But you won't outrun it**_

 _ **One day, it will catch you**_

 _ **Hopefully, you're ready when it does."**_

 _ **\- Unknown**_

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Beyond the curves that kept it moving and the hills that surrounded it, the road that made its way towards the distant mountains was entirely unremarkable. There were no actual stops that someone driving along it could feasibly make, save for the single gas station at the very beginning of it, and it was unlikely that the one dirt driveway that stretched between two hills to a house out of sight would have attracted any attention, let alone anyone seeking to see what lay at its end. That made it so that the one man walking along the edge of the road was in such a mind to curse the lack of point to his job.

Not a single car had made its way past him since he had taken up his position before the sun had even risen and with each passing minute, he muttered towards the asphalt. This was a perfect example of an overreaction from his boss, one that now had him standing in bitingly cold weather, waiting for the intruder that would never come. Then, come evening, he would return and take back what he had set these men to guard and the day would have been pointless from the guard's perspective. Still, it was providing him pay, pay that was surprisingly good considering the simplicity of the work, so there was really no reason to weasel out of it.

As if sent by some divine power to directly contradict his line of thought, a box truck came rattling over the horizon, driving his way. It would surely pass by, possibly giving him a friendly honk in what would likely be the highlight of his day, but as he watched the road where it was coming from, he saw it slow its pace to a crawl before stopping about a hundred meters away from him. He continued watching, feeling the first bit of anxiety he had felt all day; were they lost? For over a minute, he continued to watch the truck sit motionless in the center of the road before realizing that perhaps he was actually going to have to find out what was happening.

 _Just my luck someone would have broken down, right here, right now, while I'm on watch._

It wasn't as though it was pure luck he had been chosen for this position; his marksmanship with an automatic weapon as well as the face tattoo that covered the majority of his head were both deterrents that would help him deal with any stray person heading that way. He walked towards it slowly, hoping the driver would engage the engine and pull away before he arrived, but the truck remained still, humming softly in the cold, grey air. He sighed and walked around to the window of the driver side door, knocking, and listening to the hollow sound of his knuckles hitting the metal. The window rolled down to reveal a very calm looking young man with short, choppy blonde hair who looked down at him as though genuinely curious what he wanted.

"Hey look man, you can't be stopping here in the middle of… "

He had a split second to hear the racking of a shotgun and heard the beginning of what sounded like a burst of compressed air being released before his mind went black. His body hit the ground well after the life had left his body.

Looking down at the blood that was slowly spreading over the frosted highway, the man in the passenger seat who had leaned over to kill the guard glanced down at him sadly while the driver pulled off to the side of the road.

"I never asked her about it."

The driver looked over, confused.

"What?"

The other man didn't seemed to be focused.

"Mikasa. She got a tattoo since the last time I was with her. I never asked her what it was for."

The confusion turned to annoyance.

"Get moving. We're on the clock."

Nodding, the man jumped out the passenger side and walked towards the hill, behind which lay the house the guard had been watching over. He patted each of his guns in turn to ensure that he was still properly armed, though he knew ultimately, they would make the least difference. It was up to him, now, and if he failed, he may never be able to her again.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Mikasa felt her face cut as it was dragged harshly against the stiff carpet; she could feel herself screaming as well, rather than hear it, as her ears were roaring so loudly that everything was tremendously muffled.

She had thrown herself across the table and had landed four or five hits to the side of Rod Reiss's head before three of the many guards had pulled her off and forced her to the ground. She was sure she could hear them yelling at her as well, likely to stay still, but the more she struggled and the more her muscles moaned with stress, the further from her immediate memory went the vision of looking into Annie's dead eyes. Sasha was screaming to, but it seemed more distant than the abusive masculine yells that were raining down among her. Then, a calm voice spoke, above all the chaos and without any interference passing through Mikasa's ears.

"Stand her up, please."

Mikasa felt the three men lift her and throw her against the wall and her head spun as it banged heavily against it. Her father gestured, looking annoyed.

"Careful with her."

It sounded as though he was instructing movers carrying a couch into his house. Mikasa glared at him and her eyes moved past him and she saw the bodies of Eren and Armin.

" _You're Mikasa, right?"_

…

" _Yes."_

" _Are you alright?"_

 _Armin's eyes were wide and concerned, Eren's were worried as well, but also angry. She wondered if she could be able to trust them. She hadn't trusted anyone in a long time. Lowering her eyes, she shifted, wincing as her rear rubbed against the swing, hurting the damaged flesh. They couldn't see that of course._

" _I'm fine."_

 _She knew she didn't look it, and they could probably tell; Eren knelt beside her._

" _You look cold."_

 _Without another word, he pulled off the red scarf he had been wearing and wrapped it delicately around her neck. She was surprised at the gentleness of his touch; she had heard him yell angrily in school and get in fights during recess, and she had not expected him to have a side of him like this. The fabric was warm and soft, strangely much more comforting than the rest of her clothes. Armin smiled at her._

" _You can come back to Eren's house with us if you'd like."_

 _Eren nodded fervently. She looked between them, and before she knew it, she had started to cry._

The same scarf rubbed against her neck and chin now, the same scarf she had let hang for over a year in her closet when she had convinced herself she didn't need it, she same scarf that Joe had stitched to near perfection for her, the same scarf that tears had fallen into when he had left her that night. It was the same scarf she found herself screaming into now as she jammed her eyes shut so hard that they hurt, while she wished she could tear the memory of seeing the dead bodies of three of her closest friends away. She kept screaming until Rod uttered another command to her right and the butt of a rifle slammed itself into her gut. Mikasa gasped then and slumped, held upright only by the men on either side of her and she felt a wet warmth against her knees as tears fell and passed through the cloth of her pants.

"She was lying to me. I'm well aware my daughter and her child are alive, though I am unaware of their immediate whereabouts. I am very inclined to believe that you all are, however."

Able to raise her head, Mikasa could see her companions through half-blurred eyes. Zeke looked unmoved by what had just occurred and Reiner seemed to be following suit, though a vein on his temple acted as a giveaway. Bertholdt was having no such success and he and Jean both looked on the verge of vomiting. Sasha had brought her knees up to her chest and had wrapped her arms around her shins while she cried blatantly into her knees, clearly not processing a word Rod was speaking to them.

"I may be as blunt as Kenny here, if not more, but I am more willing to believe in the cooperation of others. I am willing to give you all a chance to do what is right and return what's mine."

He placed the gun back on the table and the sound of the metal hitting the wood again was enough to send an almost dominating wave of nausea through Mikasa's gut.

"You have two and a half weeks to bring Historia and her child to me. If you do this, I will pardon all of you and grant you a seat at this table as partners. I will even offer back something that has been taken from you likely thought you wouldn't be able to regain."

Mikasa wanted to spit in his face; was he serious right now, with cryptic bullshit like this?

"Two and a half weeks. Otherwise I rain down upon all of you with all the power at my disposal."

He tilted his head at Kenny.

"He is my weapon and all others are under his command. He will come knocking if you do not comply. And… as further incentive… "

Mikasa felt something that could have been zip-ties tighten around her wrists as they were drug behind her back.

"At the request of my associate here… "

He tilted his head in the opposite direction to where Mikasa knew her father was sitting.

"… he is wanting to reunite with his daughter. I am inclined to grant his request, but should you comply with my own, I will see fit to return her as well."

A brief quiet fell as he looked around at each of them in turn; Mikasa wanted to leap for him and tear his eyes from his head, though she felt a sting of satisfaction as she saw the blood dripping from a cut above his eye that he dabbed impatiently.

"This room, on the day I have specified. I will expect you to make the wise decision."

And with a snap of his fingers, Mikasa watched as Zeke and the others were escorted from the room. Of them all, only Jean looked back at her and she saw that he too was crying; he locked eyes with her briefly and with a last, desperate look, he was shoved from the room. Orders that Mikasa didn't care to listen to fell upon her ears and she felt herself dragged from the room, surely to some new dark hole where she would be abused however it was seen as fit by her father.

She didn't care.

She didn't care about much of anything anymore.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Joe withheld a shout of panic as within a second, a guard came tearing around the corner, having just heard the dying gurgle of his companion; leveling his shotgun as quickly as he could, he fired, blowing away the man's knees with the sharp, polite burst that the silencer provided. The man opened his mouth, clearly about to scream in pain and Joe barely managed to draw his pistol to shoot the man in the head before he could make a noise and he crumpled beside his companion. Letting the roaring pound of his heart slow to a pace he could handle, Joe leaned against the wall, inhaling long and slow.

 _Calm down… calm down…_

His own reassurances provided little comfort however, and he closed his eyes, trying to pull some relieving memory that could help stall his anxiety. He found himself standing in the cold, staring across the way at her, before they closed the distance and she held him; he embraced her warmth while she murmured gently in his ear. Joe felt himself smile before the expression disappeared; that hadn't been a memory of Mikasa.

 _Florian…_

He needed to save her just as much as everyone else, it was his fault that she and her sister had been caught up in this hurricane of loss and grief, and why the latter had perished long before she should have. Yes, that was why he had thought of her now, why he had come up with a memory of her instead of Mikasa, he wasn't just trying to save her, he was trying to save all of them. Yes, that was it.

 _It's not like… I don't… not anymore, right?_

Uneasy now, but for a different reason, he pushed on.

Two more guards had been waiting as he reached the flight of stairs he had been searching for after clearing the first floor. His silenced carbine took down the unwary first one and by the time the second had started firing in a panic to where the shot had come from, Joe had made his way through several rooms to come around the other side of the stairs. Sure enough, when he looked slowly out from his second vantage point, the second man had his weapon trained on the doorway that he had shredded with his first magazine. He toppled over the banister and crashed in the entrance hall two feet from Joe as he died.

Joe proceeded to the second floor which was far emptier comparably to the first floor; he very slowly pushed his way into each room, but found nothing but bare walls and empty floors. With each room he examined at near a crawl, his anxiety began to build again. Nearly an hour went by when he got to the room at the very end of the hall and with a deep breath, he eased the door open.

There he sat, in a comfortable looking chair, headphones on with the familiar sound of button mashing filling the room. He was playing some video game Joe didn't recognize, and he felt the strongest, if not the first, wave of regret for what he was about to do. He thought to Mikasa and Florian and the rest however, and that steeled his mind. He stepped forward.

He didn't know exactly what led him to begin to turn sharply, but a sharp jab of alarm stabbed his gut and he swung up his wrist to deflect an incoming shadow in the corner of his eye. His arm connected with something metal and his eyes connected with what was the barrel of a gun; twisting sharply, his arm knocked the gun from the hand of his assailant and it didn't go off, instead crashing to the ground. Whoever had tried to kill him wasn't deterred by the setback and tackled him to the ground. A feminine grunt informed him that his attacker was female and while her frame was smaller than his, she hit with a tremendous amount of force.

"Thought you'd… show up."

She cut through her sentence with a punch towards his head that he didn't manage to block and instead took to the temple. Head spinning, he rolled quickly to try and throw her off, but she wrapped her legs around him and began to drop her elbow against the top of his head over and over.

 _This keeps up, this'll be a real short trip._

Pulling back both his fists from trying to peel her away, he threw them upward towards where he could guess her kidneys were. She managed nothing more than a short cry of pain, but her elbow stopped pounding away at his skull and he grabbed her waist and attempted to throw her off. Her forearms wrapped around his head as he tried however and as she pulled his face against her breast, he froze for a moment.

He was a guy after all.

Her fist came under and snapped his head back and as he crashed into the wall, she finally propelled off him, kicking him to send him flying back with greater force. He had dropped both his pistol and his carbine, but he reached around to pull his shotgun up as he attempted to free himself from the daze she had put him in; his fingers scrambled for only a few seconds before he realized that the shotgun wasn't there. Looking up then he found himself staring down the silencer of the weapon as she angled it towards his chest. She smiled.

"That was weak of you."

Mind racing to figure how he could turn this situation around, he shrugged, wiping blood that was running from his lip.

"What can I say, you'd be hard pressed to find a straight guy who didn't freeze if you shoved a tit in his face."

She continued to smile coldly at him.

"I was counting on it."

It struck Joe then how incredibly familiar the young woman before him looked, and his mind began working double time, both to fix his predicament and figure out who he was being held at gunpoint by.

 _Where have I seen you… I know I've seen you… maybe not in person, but… on TV? In a picture? Maybe that's…_

And it hit him. Time had not done much of a number to Abel Reiss since Joe had seen her in the picture at Florian and Frieda's house; she was slightly taller and her curves were much more defined, but her narrow, hateful eyes and short, blonde hair had remained. Joe was reminded heavily of Annie, though Abel's gaze was even more chilling than hers.

"Why are you here?"

She tilted her head slightly.

"I was going to ask you that."

Joe's conscience screamed at him not to do anything stupid, but he had felt a sudden inkling of rage slowly building in his core; he had not come this far to be thwarted by Historia's long lost sister.

"I was just curious why you'd be helping out Kenny after what he did to you when you were younger, you know, letting his men strip you and rape you and whatnot."

She bristled and glared; Joe had difficulty not shrinking from the gaze.

"How do you know that."

 _Don't be a…_

"Magic."

He resisted the urge to punch himself. Abel didn't seem put off too heavily by his smartass, rather she still seemed rather put off as to how he had known such an intimate detail of her past. She seemed willing to ignore it however as she moved the shotgun into a more comfortable position in her hands.

"I don't know what you think you know, but Kenny and my father showed me the folly of resisting them that day. I was stupid and young and selfish; they had power they were willing to share as long as I gave up being a rebellious brat."

"And having two of your sisters vanish and the other one sent off didn't bother you?"

She shook her head gently.

"They don't mean much to me anymore. They stopped mattering that day as well, when I was the only one willing to… "

"Obey?"

A soft sneer played at the corners of her mouth.

"Cooperate. I was dealt a poor hand when I was younger, I assume you know, if you know that story, that I'm also… "

She trailed off deliberately, clearly of the impression that he would understand what she meant, but Joe's mouth got the better of him again.

"A hermie?"

She bristled again and Joe could feel the water rising around his neck.

"Yes. They've made sure that condition hasn't been a hindrance for me in recent years."

Quick to try and put it aside, he spoke before she could verbally, or physically reprimand him for his brash words.

"I don't know I believe that story, but as it happens, you're in my way."

Abel gave a slow nod, eyes flickering toward the person who hadn't moved from his video game throughout the entire fight, volume blasting game audio into his ears that was partly audible even from where Joe stood.

"You did come for him then."

"Yeah, I did."

"Little revenge, is it?"

Joe didn't believe what Abel had said about her reasoning for becoming a lackey of Kenny, but he felt there was no real reason to lie to her in return.

"No, though I wouldn't mind it. Need him as a chip, to keep my friends safe and help us get out of this situation."

A heartless smile returned to her face and she leaned against the wall.

"I know about you, Joe. I read about you, I watched you for a while, you were a lot of fun. Selfless, hell of a shot, awkward. I didn't buy it like Kenny did when you apparently died in that explosion, and I found out Levi had a plan to help you run away. I kept an eye on you all through summer and through fall, just to make sure you were still kicking."

It had become Joe's turn to be tremendously surprised at the amount his opponent knew about him. His palms had started to sweat as he tried very hard not to give away his uneasiness.

"I figured eventually I'd need you back here to stir shit up and draw out what I wanted. Had to slip some bad words to some of Hange's people to make it work, but it got you back. Weren't even in town one day, and Kenny was running around like a mad man."

Joe's mind had stopped thinking about how to rectify his position, and had honed in on only one thing.

"Wait. Some of Hange's people… ?"

Abel's smile looked genuine now.

"Wasn't hard getting them to think they had orders to kill that Carolina girl, but after everything you had done for her, I knew that would be the perfect trigger to get you running."

His throat had gone very dry.

"You… you were the one that… ?"

"They weren't smart, didn't think to double check a kill order, but they riddled her nice and good nonetheless. I hadn't expected you to go and kill them plus that huge family, but you exceeded my expectations again."

Joe felt his knees hit the ground before he felt them buckle. His head had resumed spinning though not due to the pounding she had given it.

"But that's beside the point. You're here. And we both have things the other wants."

He looked up at her; his mission seemed so unimportant all of the sudden.

"Let's talk business, Joe."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Ymir didn't realize how nervous she had been until she heard the vehicle pulling in between their residence and the compound. She was sitting on the bed, and next to her, Historia was roused from her nap.

"What's… what's happening… ?"

"Don't worry, babe, I'll go see. Get back to sleep."

Historia made no attempt to protest and Ymir walked out, fully willing to have to stare down Mikasa if it meant knowing the rest had come back safe. Crossing her arms, she stood a dozen yards from the vans as they braked and killed their engines.

Her heart rose as the first person to step out was Sasha; Ymir walked over.

"You made it."

Sasha looked up at her with the most devastated expression Ymir had ever seen before wailing and shouldering her way past the taller girl and running inside. Ymir stared after her, a sinking feeling in her gut as Zeke climbed out the passenger door with Reiner exiting the driver's side. Bertholdt and Jean stepped out from where Sasha had, and Ymir noticed the common theme that they all, save for Zeke, looked ready to hurl. She continued to watch the back of the van, waiting, but no sound came from inside the van, no feet against the metal floor, no moving equipment around. With apprehension screaming danger, she turned slowly towards the rest and Reiner spoke without looking at her or giving her time to ask a question.

"Mikasa was taken. Annie, Armin and Eren are dead."

She had heard his words, but she hadn't heard what he said. Tilting her head, Ymir opened her mouth to ask him to repeat himself, but the act of speaking had become very impossible indeed. She could only cast her gaze helplessly to Jean, who let out what could have been the start of a sob before turning to follow Sasha's lead. Realizing then she hadn't been lied to, she put a hand on the van to keep herself from falling over; her stomach was hurting very badly, and her throat had grown very constricted. She looked up to see Bertholdt looking back at her, a tear sliding down his face.

"It… happened so fast. We didn't have time to… we couldn't have. They were just… dead."

The single word question of "how?" formed on Ymir's tongue, but it came out as a moan as she backed into the van, sliding to the ground. Bertholdt continued looking at her, his face now defiant and desperate as though he believed he had no choice but to explain himself, and ensure that no one believed him to be at fault.

"We hadn't provoked anything! He just… it was like a blink. We couldn't… "

Zeke gave him a look, speaking in his usual, calm tone.

"Calm down and head inside."

For a moment, Bertholdt swelled and Ymir fully believed he was about to start shouting or attack Zeke, or both. But after a moment, he deflated like an air mattress and stumped inside, the third of the number to do so. Reiner had his gaze fixed on the woods that surrounded the compound and looked deep in thought, but after several seconds, he departed as well. Ymir realized she was now alone in the cold air with Zeke, and knew there was nowhere she would rather be less right now. She was mentally imploring herself to throw up, if only to feel something, and she turned back for the residence. She needed to see Historia, to hold her, to hold her and Ilse, to never let them go, to cry into Historia's shoulder, to cry until she had nothing left…

"Ymir, could you come inside with me?"

Robotically, she turned to face him. Zeke's expression was impossibly calm.

"I'd like to speak to you in private."


	55. Chapter 55

With her stomach in the tremendously awful state that it was, Ymir was amazed that she was able to sit still as she positioned herself in the chair across from Zeke's desk. She wasn't entirely sure why she had agreed to meet with him alone, nor why she hadn't raised a single protest in regards to him, but every time any hint of a rebellious action had reared its head, her mind had slipped back to its now perpetual state of shock and grief.

 _Annie's dead?_

It was a fact, but she couldn't keep herself from posing it as a question for fear of breaking down if she did otherwise. After disappearing into the woods the night the cabin had been attacked and then reappearing as simply as that a week or so later, it had seemed as though nothing would ever be able to take her down. But just like that, she was gone. For good.

 _How will… how can we go on?_

Everything had fallen away, every facet of her life that she had held onto when they had still been under Hange's reins was nearly gone, and that what remained was disappearing piece by piece. That was likely why, even when the man who had closed out the worst chapter of her life sat before her, she was limited in how much she cared.

 _What, is he gonna try and rape me again?_

Zeke was watching her carefully and curiously, as though how she was behaving was not how he had expected her to. For several seconds, they sat in relative silence, staring at each other, and Ymir wondered if he was expecting her to make the first move.

"I assume you remembered very well who I am, on the day we saw each other in that cabin."

For a moment, Ymir considered keeping on silence; if she was about to engage in one of the verbal battles like the ones she had fought with Mikasa, that was not something she wanted to repeat, but she saw no harm in being truthful at this junction. He looked as though he could see through any façade she attempted to play, anyway.

"I did."

"I'm surprised you made no attempt to kill me."

She shrugged.

"I thought about it."

A faint smile was playing at the edges of his mouth and she wondered what the hell could be so amusing.

"I spent a long time wondering where you had run off to after your parents died. I did worry, you know."

Ymir couldn't hold back a derisive snort as she shook her head.

"I'm sure you did."

"You doubt that?"

Words fountained from her mouth before she knew it.

"You pretended for two years to care about what I was going through, you let me spend lunches in your office to stay away from the bullies, you listened to me when I would rant, or cry, you feigned interest in me for all those months, just so when I was at my weakest, you could bend me over your desk and fuck the hell out of me."

"That is only half true."

She almost exploded again, but sat back and shook her head once more; whatever lie he was going to tell, whatever reasoning he would try and give for what he did, she didn't care to hear it. Zeke seemed to understand this, and pushed the subject no further.

"I tracked you down about seven months ago, purely by accident. I was pushing my business beyond simply acquiring and transport. I spent a while searching over hundreds of miles for the most fruitful area to get myself into, and lo and behold, I came across the territory owned by Hange Zoe."

This information should have been frightful and nothing less than unsettling, but Ymir could only nod along indifferently.

"I realized that taking your business apart from the inside may be the best course of action, so I reached out to a small independent group, run by a very computer-smart young man."

This caused her ears to perk up.

"The most I ever managed was to get him and his cohorts found out for screwing you folks over; once in the hole, I was able to use him to start leaking information to Hange, though all he managed to get through was showing her the security camera footage from the night you killed your mother."

The room was a balmy seventy degrees at least, but Ymir felt a cold beginning to spread from her fingertips.

"I planned to ambush you on the highway after your darling's baby was snatched, but it became very clear to me that I needed to lend no part in tearing you down, as your war with Kenny seemed to be doing plenty of that as is."

The idea that Zeke had somehow managed to orchestrate the entire scenario where Hange had confronted her was enough to keep Ymir shocked into silence, but upon his mention of this, she couldn't keep her mouth closed.

"So that's what this is then? That's why Annie's dead, you're still trying to tear us down?"

He watched her through the same careful eyes, seeming content not to reply to her question; she wondered if he believed it had been rhetorical.

"It seems you don't quite understand what I'm getting at."

Ymir crossed her arms, wanting nothing more than to be able to leave the room.

"Explain, then."

His eyes finally slid down to the desk ahead of him as though he suddenly wasn't sure exactly what he wanted to say. At last, he looked back up, speaking slowly as though afraid of a verbal misstep.

"I wonder… and have to ask… is there a person on this planet that you hate more than me?"

It was a genuine question, he didn't seem at all like he was trying to prod her.

 _He actually wants to know._

She leaned back, drifting briefly into her own head to contemplate what he was asking. She thought to Mikasa, someone she had come to odds with so heavily over the past month, after so many years of friendship. She thought to Joe, someone she couldn't even begin to contemplate forgiving for what he done to totally flip her life upside down. She thought to Kenny, who had taken so much from her, more and more and more, to the point where she believed she had only her family left. The thoughts roiled through her head until she realized that there was indeed a very solid answer. She looked back to him.

"Yes."

His eyebrows twitched in surprise.

"May I ask who that is?"

She didn't hesitate.

"Myself."

There was nothing she regretted or had any predispositions about speaking that single word. It was truth, and she knew it. Zeke looked back at her, and for a long moment, he looked sad. Then, he straightened his shoulders and readopted his business-like mode of speaking.

"Do you have any intention of interfering with what I'm doing here?"

"If you mean in terms of your business, no."

"Do you have any intention of trying to kill me?"

She paused, only for a second.

"If I thought I could get away with it, yes. But as of now, I don't think doing so would do me any good."

He smiled gently, a smile that reminded her of the days he had prompted her to tell him what was the matter when she had come crying to his office during lunch. She shuddered beyond his sight.

"You'd like to kill me, wouldn't you?"

"Yes, very much."

He nodded.

"I'll only ask you and your people to stick around for a little over two weeks. After that, you will all be free to go."

She swallowed and nodded, praying she would be allowed to leave. He seemed to sense her internal distress.

"You may go."

Bounding to her feet, she made her way to the door, but froze as soon as her hand touched the handle.

"How did Annie die?"

Though she wasn't facing him, she could tell he had turned away.

"She lied to the wrong man."

Ymir nodded, though again, she knew he couldn't see her. As she left his office, trying very hard not to run, she didn't miss the fact that he hadn't directly specified which man she had lied to.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Mikasa inhaled sharply as her father wrapped his hand around her throat and tilted her chin up.

"Walk quickly, now."

She did as was instructed, wondering where it was that he was taking her. For some reason, she had assumed that he would be taking her back to the house, where he would inevitably tie her to that damned pole where he would rape her, beat her, or whatever he had in mind. His lack of creativity for when he punished her had long since paid off; she was ready for whatever generic torture he had in mind.

They had entered the parking garage that Mikasa guessed was only accessible to those with proper clearance; she had arrived with Zeke and his company in the parking lot. She and her father had drifted away from the rest of those they had exited the boardroom with, Kenny and his people a good thirty or forty yards ahead of them, and she assumed they wouldn't be departing with them. Occasional laughter would come from his procession among his cronies at some likely horrible joke he had cracked, echoing long and loud through the vast space of the garage. Drawing near a car Mikasa recognized as her father's, he took her by the hair and pushed her against the side of it.

"Hold still."

She did so and found herself surprised as a blade cut through the zip-ties that had bound her wrists. She felt no urge to utilize this newfound freedom however, and while the idea of wrapping her fingers around her father's throat was savagely appealing, after what she had just witnessed, she doubted she would be able to mount the strength anyway. As her father opened the passenger door, there came another rolling echo through the parking garage, and it took several seconds for Mikasa to realize that it had not been a laugh she had heard, but a roar of anger. As her father took her head and began to force her into the vehicle, footsteps came pounding up on her; a hand seized her upper arm and flung her back to the ground.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!"

Kenny was screaming down at her and she could only look up in a daze, without a clue what he was talking about. He stamped on her ribs and she yelled in pain as he howled again.

"ANSWER ME, YOU FUCKING CUNT!"

Her father stepped across her field of vision, looking annoyed.

"The hell you think you're doing?"

Kenny ignored him, staring down at Mikasa through wild eyes; she had never seen him like this.

"HOW DID YOU FIND HIM?! HOW?!"

He kicked her in the face and her eyes blurred with tears as her face exploded with pain. As she struggled to refocus her eyesight, Rod Reiss jogged up alongside Kenny, panting very slightly.

"Come now, Kenny, these young women are not your only enemies. Plenty of other people could have… "

"IT WAS THEM, I KNOW IT WAS!"

Behind them all, several cars down, Mikasa could see Carven leaning against a police car, head in her hands. Head spinning with trying to figure out what was happening, Mikasa flinched as Kenny roared again and made to bring his foot back down. Rod stepped between them.

"That is enough! Even if she does know something, do you really think she's going to tell you anything?"

"MAYBE IF YOU HADN'T SHOT TO DEATH THREE OF HER FRIENDS, THEN… "

"You're raving. You two, escort him to his vehicle, we need to leave."

Two policemen came forward hesitantly, making to guide Kenny away, who jerked his arms away from their touch and stormed off, muttering incessantly and vilely as he did, panic written all over his face. Rod looked after him, then down to Mikasa, his eyes curious. Then he strode off, leaving Mikasa's father to drag her to her feet and force her back towards the car.

"You can never just keep out of it, can you?"

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

As the door closed behind him, Joe leaned forward and moaned with pain. He would need some painkillers very soon, or the screaming agony in his back and arm would likely paralyze him; but in that moment, he needed to see Zeke for a very different reason. The pain could wait.

 _After what just happened… I can't think of anything more insignificant._

He wanted to go see Mikasa first, just to assure himself that she was okay, but he knew that time was more of the essence whenever; Zeke needed to be made aware of this immediately. He felt almost as though he were back in grade school, about to present his teacher with a project he happened to be exceptionally proud of, but when he reached Zeke's office, knocked and entered, he realized that it was likely to be far less of a pleasant experience.

Zeke looked both tired and aggravated, a nasty combination for any person in the best of times, but as Joe stepped forward, he looked up and that expression melted into anger. Before Joe could get a single word out edgewise, Zeke had gotten to his feet and closed the distance between them instantly, his voice a violent hiss.

"Where WERE you?!"

Joe opened his mouth stupidly, completely unsure of what to say, as his brow furrowed in offense.

"What are you talking about? I came back as quick as I… "

"Idiot, where were you three hours ago?!"

Now he was starting to get angry.

"Hang on, you said that no matter what, I needed to come back alive, you seemed completely sure that this was not a plan that was going to work, but let me do it anyway. Now, you're acting like everything was hinging on my success!"

Zeke made a dismissive and angry noise and walked back towards his desk; Joe followed in his wake, hell-bent on getting to the bottom of what was happening.

"What happened?! Something clearly must've gone wrong, otherwise you wouldn't be up… "

It suddenly struck Joe that perhaps he didn't want to know the answer; Zeke turned and spoke loudly to him, a physical mirror of what was passing through his head.

"Do you really want to know?!"

 _No._

"Yes."

Heaving in a deep breath, Zeke dropped behind his desk and leaned back as though he were suddenly exhausted.

"Annie was killed, alongside two people you may or may not know, a young man ripe for a spot as mayor, Armin Arlert and his assistant Eren."

Joe became subconsciously grateful he had been pressed up against a wall, otherwise he would have gone crashing to the ground much more painfully as his knees buckled. He knew someone must've died, someone must've not made the trip back, but hearing this, hearing the names of those who he could now never speak to again sent a completely overwhelming wave of grief through him. He shouted in pain as his back collided against the wall, but he waved Zeke away as the older man stood, ready to assist him; he slid down to the floor, fighting against the clamp that had fastened around his chest. A vivid memory of himself, Eren and Armin playing video games in his room came to his head, and he winced, digging his nails into his palms, as Annie's disapproving glare stabbed through his mind's eye.

 _How many more?_

Zeke remained on his feet, looking cautious.

"Mikasa was taken by her father."

He keeled to the side then, covering his face with his hands. Of course she had, how could the bastard not have snatched her when he had the chance? He thought of the fear that had been licking at his veins at the mere thought of her, and immediately felt endlessly regretful; how could he have been frightened of her, now she was taken from him, with who knew what foul things being done to her. He wasn't her father, but he had used that façade to his advantage for years, culminating in this. He had promised Eren…

 _I promised._

Nausea gripped at his gut as he struggled back to his feet. He needed to collapse on a bed and likely fall into tears, but first, this had to be settled.

"I did it."

Zeke looked uncomprehending at first. Then his eyes widened and narrowed as he leaned forward.

"You… did?"

Joe nodded frantically, not sure how long he was going to be able to keep himself together. Talking about something else, thinking about something else, however, might be able to keep him on his feet.

"It took longer than either of us thought obviously, but I pulled it off, he… he's where you said to put him, I didn't do anything besides that."

His rambling was a small slice of relief as agony came crashing down around his ears again; Zeke walked slowly around the front of his desk, now looking deep in thought. Joe remained hunched and upright, panting with the strain it was taking from keeping himself from breaking down. After several seconds of torture, Zeke looked to him.

"You need some more painkillers, I assume?"

Joe's back was now screaming bloody murder, but it seemed so very pointless now; he nodded regardless. Zeke returned the movement and jerked his chin towards the door.

"I'll have them brought to your room. Sounds like you need some sleep."

Without another word, or anything, Joe turned robotically and staggered to the door. He practically shouldered his way through it and hobbled down the hall. He couldn't stop the tears now, and the sobs were not far off, he knew he needed to get to his room quickly before he just collapsed in the hall.

 _I promised him._

He grunted in pain as he miscalculated a turn down the hall towards his room, and slammed his shoulder against the corner; he fell to his hands and knees and closed his eyes while the world spun as though he were drunk.

 _Almost…_

"Joe?"

He looked up jerkily to see Florian exiting the bathroom and looking down at him with wide and confused eyes. Staring back at her, he found himself unable to turn away or even blink as her confusion twisted into concern.

"What… happened?"

She didn't seem to know what to even ask, but as she uttered the second word, Joe had already lost. He rolled onto his side, curling up and bawling into his arms; praying she would leave him there, hurried footsteps and hands on his shoulder and side indicated that was not a prayer that had been answered. Joe could hear her trying at calming and comforting words, but his ears no longer cared to translate what was entering them, and eventually, it was all she could do to pull him up and begin dragging him to his room. He regretted that he was providing her yet another inconvenience, but he couldn't help it anymore. He cried desperately for what he now knew, for what he had let happen.

And he cried for what he had done.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

As if out of some low-budget horror movie, Mikasa looked at the bleary and dimly lit hallway she was being led down. Her father had handed her off to two stereotypical thuggish guards, who had obeyed the order they had been given and had taken her away. She could only guess where she was being taken, but no thought or idea was particularly flattering.

She was pulled to a halt outside a plain looking door, and one of the guards released her arm to unlock it and swing it open with a heavy clang. Mikasa considered trying to take the remaining guard who was with her, but the tremendous lack of willpower she was still experiencing prevented that from happening. There were shaking sounds of a scuffle from the room beyond her vision, and a moment later, the guard reappeared with who was very obviously a victim in tow. A woman, she had been bloodied and bruised beyond belief, her injuries impossible to discern from the damage that had been done. Her face was swollen and Mikasa had to cock her head heavily to try and make out any features. And, as she did, she gasped.

"Hange?!"

The woman's head snapped up like a zombie, and Mikasa's stomach lurched as she saw that one of her eyes had been messily gouged out. She opened her mouth and a strange noise issued from it as the second guard led her out of the room and down the hall.

"Hange?"

As the older woman opened her mouth again, her reason for not making any sort of coherent reply became obvious; a ragged chunk of flesh in her mouth where her tongue had once been rolled limply around and nausea swirled in Mikasa's stomach again. Before she could manage another word however, Hange's escort pulled her further down the hall and Mikasa's shoved her towards the room; she twisted and turned, screaming over her shoulder.

"HANGE!"

Hange's bicep came up, but her forearm swung limply as she attempted to reach back; it had been broken in several places. That was the last thing Mikasa saw before she was grabbed by the hair and forced into the room.

It was dark save for the singular light that swung above a chair that was fixed to the ground and a faint orange glow that issued from a vent near the floor. It was clean and smelled of some sort of freshener as thought it had been cleaned not hours ago. She was forced into the chair and restraints were quickly done around her wrists and ankles, rendering her relatively immobile. Looking up angrily into the face of the man who had placed her there, she was met with a brutish grin as he walked out of sight behind her, before returning with a gag. She looked at him challengingly, before he punched her in the gut; she gasped in pain and in that moment, she gag was in her mouth and the tie wrapped around the back of her head. The man stepped back and looked her up and down, looking pleased with his work.

"I have to admit that I am envious."

A hand with sausage-like fingers reached out and began to run themselves over her left breast. She looked away as they worked quicker, and bile formed in the back of her throat.

"Damn it all, you are too fucking hot to just… "

Just as his hand forced its way down her shirt and past her bra, a voice rang out from behind him.

"Clyde!"

The man's hand pulled itself sharply away as Mikasa's father stepped into the room.

"I was under the impression I asked you to set her up in here, not feel her like prostitute."

"I just… I'm sorry, I… "

Her father jerked his head, beady eyes staring at the man menacingly.

"Get out."

He was out the door in a blink and with a shivering sense of finality, the door swung shut behind him with another booming clang that echoed around the room. Mikasa stared back into her father's eyes defiantly, waiting for him to speak.

"Do you know what this room is?"

She realized, with a start, that her heart had begun to pound.

"Some place where people go to be tortured."

"Wrong."

He walked out of her sight, but she caught one last look in his eyes as he did. There was no drunken stupor there, only bright, sharp malice.

"This is a room where people go to learn things. To relieve stress. Or as my brother put it, 'to just get out some negativity'."

Scrapes of metal caused the hair on Mikasa's neck to stand on end.

"I did everything I could think of to you while you grew up. Despite it all, you became a helluva looker, any guy your age would be happy to have you."

A fleeting image of Joe with a shit-eating grin on his face as he told some terribly bad joke flashed through Mikasa's mind and she closed her eyes.

"But you belong to me. You're mine. And now, I'm gonna give you what you deserve, for all the lying, law-breaking, and shitty things you've done behind my back."

He returned to her front with a scalpel in hand.

"I assume you've seen it all, in terms of dick. You're cunt's probably so stretched we could sit you on a chimney and have not a problem."

A hand came out and ran itself from her throat to her crotch and she swallowed down more bile as he began to massage there.

"Fucking you probably wouldn't do a goddamn thing, you'd probably just sit there and take it, not a single fucking change in your expression."

The scalpel came forward then and began to cut down her shirt, slicing neatly the band of her bra before moving to her jeans, cutting from the button out along her thigh until her clothes were all able to be pulled off. He grabbed her shoes and socks, pulling them free as well and flinging them into a corner out of sight. His head dipped in front of hers, inches separating them, as he pulled the gag out of her mouth, looking at it thoughtfully.

"I'm going to hurt you, Mikasa."

Hearing her name out of his mouth was like having gravel jammed into her ears, but she stared back at him strongly anyway, aware that she had begun to shake.

"I'm going to hurt you as badly as I can. Your man-whore of a boyfriend shouldn't even be able to recognize you when it's all said and done."

He retreated from her field of vision again and Mikasa suddenly realized that she was terribly frightened. Her heart was pounding against her bare chest now, and the goosebumps in her arms didn't do justice to how cold she felt, even as sweat began to slide down her temples and forehead. Her breath came in shakily now, and she wondered if he truly meant what he said.

 _What goes through his mind that he considers the worst he could possibly…_

Two cold, sharp points placed themselves against the skin just beneath her left ribs and before she had time to wonder what she was feeling, there was a loud snicking noise and she howled with pain as her skin was sliced open. She twisted to the side and shook frantically against her restraints as pain flowed from her fresh wound; her father had walked back in front of her while her breathing came alongside panicked, measured moans, a giant pair of scissors in his hand.

"We'll have to try many things, and I don't assume you'd be honest with me if I asked what hurt the most. So please… "

The scissors came down and wrapped around the middle toe on her right foot. Despite the pain, she felt fresh panic spreading through her entire body as she pulled in vain on her restraints; she watched the two blades position themselves symmetrically around the toe and her heart thudded as hard as it ever had. She was begging before she knew it, this wasn't like being whipped, she felt so much more fear now for what was happening then even during that torturous flogging.

"Please, please don't, dad, please don't… "

He ignored her.

"… try and be honest with your reactions."

Wrapping fists around the handles of the scissors, he forced them together. Skin and muscle tore, and Mikasa threw her head back as the blades stuck in the bone of her digit. She spasmed in her chair as her father grunted some curse and put fresh pressure on the scissors, as wave after wave of mind shocking agony surged from her foot upwards. She could feel the blades halfway into her bone, and she yelled as often as her shaky oxygen intake would allow her, each shout of pain withering off into a pathetic, loud sob. With one more, impossibly painful squeeze, the scissors prevailed and she could feel her toe separate from her foot.

Mikasa had been so intent on ensuring she would see Joe again, so caught up in grief at what had happened only hours ago, that she hadn't, right up until it happened, thought to just what was going to happen to her. But as she reeled forward, she saw her father's eyes once more. Madness glowed in them, as he reveled in her pain, and she realized that then and there, he wasn't the same person who had raped her on so many occasions, who had tormented her and her mother for years, he wasn't even the person who had whipped her raw in a drunken rage. Something had broken within him, and he intended completely and utterly to torture her more badly than she could ever have imagined.

 _I'm going to die._

He came at her again, and she could feel her eyes as wide as they ever had been as she eyed the clear carton of liquid in his hands; she was able to make out the formula H2SO4, before its contents were dumped on the cut on her side. It burned worse than anything she could have dreamed possible and she shrieked as her fingers began growing numb from how tight they had been clenched. Shaking involuntarily, she looked around jerkily, pathetic and weak moans issuing from her throat as sweat matted her hair to the back of her neck. She heard the revving then, of a high-pitched motor of something like an electric toothbrush or power drill and she closed her eyes, tilting her head back and letting out a sob. Pleas flowed freely from her mouth now, but she knew they would do no good. And as the squealing of the motor grew nearer and something began to slice into the skin above her ear, she screamed Joe's name, wondering if it was the last time she would be able to speak it.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Florian sat next to Joe's bed, watching his chest heave with the movements only sleep brought on. She didn't know whether or not she should have been there; after laying him down and letting him sob until he drifted off, she began to pace the room wondering, if she should stay. It was only when Reiner arrived with a handful of pills and asked her to make sure he took them upon awakening did she pull up a chair and sit down, pleased to have something to do. Historia and Ymir's small area of residence had been made available to her as well, but she wanted to be able to provide them as much privacy as she could.

He rolled in his slumber only once or twice and she wondered if he was dreaming. She didn't know how he could possibly be feeling after the news that had been delivered; Ymir had spilled what she knew and Florian had gone to wander the facility as Historia began to sob, while Ymir held her. She hadn't anywhere near the kind of connection to any of the now-dead three that any of the others had, but she only had to think of how she had felt when Frieda died to know that they must've all been in serious grief.

 _And Mikasa is gone._

She shook her head at the thought. How could she be thinking about something like that in a time like this? Zeke had issued orders that all of them would be present in the boardroom the next morning to discuss what had really gone down at the meeting. As he and his compatriots weren't talking and Sasha had locked herself in her room, not coming out for anyone, everyone was relatively in the dark for what had truly transpired. The truth behind it all should have been causing Florian to be anxious to no end. But all she could think about was how much she wished, at that very moment, that on that Christmas Eve, what seemed like a lifetime ago, she had run off with Joe.

And tears splashed onto her lap as she realized how truly selfish she was.


	56. Chapter 56

" _ **Confession is not betrayal.**_

 _ **What you say or do doesn't matter;**_

 _ **only feelings matter.**_

 _ **If they could make me stop loving you-**_

 _ **that would be the real betrayal."**_

― _**George Orwell**_

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

For the first time in recent memory, Joe's sleep was unbroken by stress that forced him awake or nightmares that kept it light and painful. He awoke with the bleariness that came after a long period of slumber, a feeling that normally felt quite good, and it did. He rubbed his face childishly on his pillow, relishing in how it felt as he stretched his legs with a groan; it had been so long since he had awoken to a feeling this blissfully unaware, not knowing a thing about how…

 _Oh._

And he remembered. He remembered everything that had transpired the previous day, his private mission and final attempt to secure an advantage over Kenny, his loss once more of the person he cared most about, the knowing exactly what he had to do that day and how once more, he would have to lie his way to…

 _Oh no._

With another groan, this one lacking of any pleasure, he pulled his sheets towards his head, hoping that somehow he would be able to return to sleep and hide in dreams, though he knew his body wasn't going to let him. He lay there for several minutes, trying to wrap his head around what needed to be done that day, but there was nothing he could do to prepare himself for it. It had to be done, the needs of the many, right? It was just one person, and he couldn't act like he could put…

 _Oh God._

Realizing he might collapse into a nervous breakdown if he continued to lay motionless in his bed, he twisted over to see if he could check the time and his back exploded with pain. Yelling, he rolled out of bed and crashed to the ground as his vision blurred over as waves of agony pounded him; he grit his teeth and reached out to grab the railing on the edge of the frame to steady himself. The wounds from the fight with the bear seemed to have been growing worse if anything, and he was well aware that he required painkillers immediately, or he was going to pass out as was.

 _Maybe that would just be for the better, you know? Not even fall back asleep, just die. You won't have to do this, and when everyone else pays the price for your inaction, you won't even be around to have to see what you've…_

The door swung open and Joe looked up to see Florian standing there, pills in hand; her expression went from grim, to surprised, to scared in a matter of seconds before she rushed over to him.

"What happened?"

He made an attempt to say something along the lines of "fell out of bed" despite the stupidity of it, but as she put a hand under his neck to prop him up, more searing lashes dug into his back and he yelled in pain again. She cursed and quickly lowered him onto her lap.

"Sorry, sorry, hang on… "

With fumbling hands, she undid the lid of the container, and tipped a few of the pills into her hand.

"Here."

She reached and took the bottle of water from the table beside his bed and pushed the medicine in his mouth before taking his head with one hand and pouring water into his mouth with the other. Closing his eyes, Joe waited through shaky breathing for the numbing of the pain in his back to come; after a minute or so of Florian holding him there, he opened his eyes to see Dust standing just behind her. He smiled down in amusement at what surely was a bit of a humorous sight, before flicking his gaze to Florian.

"You know what you have to do."

Joe too looked to her, at the face he had tried so hard not to fall in love with, at the eyes that had once melted him in an instant. And he closed his eyes and let the tears run, knowing that this may be his only chance to get them out.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The door swung shut behind Historia with a shaky crash and her fingers fumbled with the lock just enough to engage it before she collapsed over the sink, dry heaving sobs wracking her body. Her digits felt numb and there was a strange aching in her torso that felt similar to the uncomfortable feeling that could come as a result of a fever. She was grateful that Ymir had been holding Ilse at the time Zeke had spoken those words that she simply couldn't stand to hear.

 _Is this what he felt like?_

Her hair fell in streams around her face as she stared into the basin and bit her lower lip as the heat of tears built behind her eyes.

 _I can't do it, I can't do it, I can't do it, not that, anything but that, just don't make me…_

Panic was the only reason she had yet to collapse and erupt in tears; it kept her breathing uneven and her body almost constantly in motion. Clenching and unclenching her fists, twisting at the waist, shifting her weight from one foot to the next and looking around as though some phantasmal solution to her problem was bound to appear in the corner of her eye.

 _Why can't… why can't they just leave us alone…_

Zeke had delivered the news likely as best he thought able, but no amount of comfort spoken or anything

After a minute or so of her frenzied worry, a knock at the door jolted her free from her mental torture, if only momentarily.

"Historia?"

"Leave me alone."

Her voice was hoarse and not her own; nothing she could have said would likely have given Ymir a reason to leave however.

"Can we talk?"

Her girlfriend's voice was surprisingly stable, though Historia imagined this was only to help put her at ease.

"I just need some time to myself."

"Please don't shut me out right now."

Gritting her teeth as her gut surged in pain, Historia bent over the sink once more.

"Ymir, just… please go away."

There was a long pause, one that lasted well over a minute before Ymir spoke again, proving she hadn't complied with what was asked of her.

"I can't let you do this."

Before she knew it, Historia had flung open the bathroom door and was jabbing a finger into Ymir's chest; she could feel tears coming nonstop as anger briefly helped abate the terror she was feeling.

"Let me?! What exactly are you prepared to 'let me' do, Ymir?! You going to pretend like everything's fine before leaving me asleep and running off with the others on a half-suicide mission again?!"

Ymir looked surprised that Historia had exited the room at all, but took the opportunity to take her by her small shoulders and ease her away from retreating back into the room.

"Listen to me, just calm down and listen, you can't just… "

"No, no, no, NO, NO! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?! I DO WHAT HE WANTS, OR HE COMES HERE AND KILLS EVERYONE AND TAKES ME ANYWAY!"

"I won't let that happen."

"No, you wouldn't, you'd be fine just watching everyone die, wouldn't you?!"

To add to her absolute misery, Ymir looked off over her shoulder, her eyes fogging up in contemplation.

"I wouldn't mind letting Mikasa or Joe take the brunt of that."

Drawing back, Historia punched her across the right side of her jaw; Ymir's grip released and she took a step backwards.

"STOP! STOP, JUST STOP, WHY CAN'T EVERYONE JUST LEAVE EACH OTHER ALONE, WHY CAN'T WE JUST LIVE AND… "

Her head spun suddenly from the lack of oxygen she had in her lungs and she stumbled. Ymir reached out for her, but Historia saw it through blurred vision and she swatted it away. Silence fell once more as she gasped, trying to keep herself from breaking down.

"I could do it… if it was just me. But why… WHY DOES HE HAVE TO TAKE MY BABY TOO?!"

And she collapsed to her knees, letting out a pitiful wail; Ymir made no attempt this time to approach her for which she was grateful. For some reason, sitting and wallowing in her loneliness and despair felt relieving as she wet the ground in front of her with her tears.

"He doesn't have to take either."

Ymir's stubborn response to this problem was something that caused Historia to sit back in exasperation, back hitting the wall as she dropped her head into her hands.

"Ymir, it doesn't matter if I do it willingly or not: either I go to him, or he comes here, kills everyone and takes me anyway."

"I won't let that happen."

A wet laugh issued from her throat amidst the heaving breaths of her crying.

"Ymir, my father has more men and power at his disposal then even I know. He could probably stage a full-force takedown of the entire city if he wanted. If he's going to take me, he's going to take me."

She pulled her arms around her knees, feeling very cold.

"I just have to decide if I'm going to be able to be able to live with the pain of knowing I was the one who gave up my own baby."

This was the hardest question anyone could have posed her. She didn't know what her father wanted with her and her child, especially if he had decided he didn't care about having Florian as well, but there couldn't be a single good thing that could come from her delivering herself and her child to him.

 _But if I don't…_

Then everyone else was at risk. Perhaps Ymir was more stringent on narrowing down the people she cared and didn't care about being hurt, but Historia couldn't think of anyone, even those she was at odds with, that she would care to see harmed as a result of her inaction. She couldn't blame Joe the way Ymir blamed him, and they would likely never be able to come to an agreement on that; she didn't know what had passed between Ymir and Mikasa as well, but she could only imagine it had come as a result of the conversation she and the raven-haired girl had had on the hike prior to being found by Bertholdt. Words were exchanged that Historia had come more and more to regret as the days had gone on.

" _Mikasa?"_

" _Yeah?"_

" _Do you think… I don't really know if I should ask this, but you were always good at picking out emotions in people… and God knows I can't open my mind enough to see this… do you… think Ymir isn't… she hasn't… I don't know… "_

" _Do I think she's expressing enough care and concern for your child, or do I think she's too caught up on the baby being a reminder of what passed between you and Joe?"_

 _Historia felt scared and relieved as she tossed a backwards glance toward Ymir who was trudging a ways behind them, eyes towards the ground._

" _Yes."_

 _Mikasa shrugged, and Historia wondered if she was at all caught up in a similar trapped mindset._

" _The latter. You can't expect her to somehow be able to ignore how that baby came into being, we've known her for years, you know how stubborn she can be."_

" _Do you think this makes her a bad guardian?"_

 _Mikasa shrugged again._

" _I can't say for sure, but I certainly would be uneasy."_

 _There was a cold silence that matched the weather they walked through as Historia desperately tried to muster up the courage to ask what she wanted. Mikasa hadn't looked at her yet, something she took as cause for concern._

" _Mikasa?"_

" _Hmm?"_

 _She took a second to gather her wits before quietly spilling her mind._

" _While we were in the cabin, there was that night… where… "_

" _Joe and I had sex?"_

" _Yeah… "_

" _What about it?"_

" _Were you… trying to get pregnant?"_

 _Mikasa's face remained starkly passive though there were several seconds where only the sound of snow beneath their feet crunched between them._

" _I don't know. He had just woken up, and it was the first time I had really talked to him since… since before he had disappeared. We argued, we cried, and I couldn't hold back. I took him then, and I don't really know why. It could have been the pure sexual desire I had towards him, it could have been a desire to distract myself from everything that had happened, or I could have wanted to conceive. I guess I didn't really think about it."_

 _Historia had long since been able to pick out when Mikasa was lying and her response was exactly the confession she had wanted to hear._

" _You let him… he… "_

" _We climaxed together, yes."_

 _Historia fell silent as the contemplated what she had heard. If Mikasa truly wanted to become pregnant, there were any number of reasons as to why she wanted that. Historia wanted to think it was because she loved Joe and now that he was back in her life, she wanted to have a family with him, but she couldn't help shake the feeling that it was only a desire to prove to herself and everyone else that Joe belonged to her._

" _Do you hate me?"_

 _Her voice was quiet and was spoken without any consent of her mind; it slipped out and she had to keep herself from gasping as she looked with a sudden fright towards Mikasa. The taller girl still seemed content not to look at her._

" _Only sometimes."_

And now the very child that had caused her so much happiness and so much sorrow was being requested by her father, a man who had flung her to this city to foster care to keep her from causing any more problems. Someone who she knew to be as heartless and ruthless as anyone, and someone who she knew could not want anything good with her baby.

"Ymir, I… I just want to run away. If I could have one thing in this world, one thing, it would be to take Ilse and run away with you."

"Okay, then let's… "

"But I can't."

Her cheeks ached from crying so badly.

"I can't abandon everyone else. I can't, I can't, I can't… "

Ymir sat down beside her and put an arm around her; this time, she didn't pull away; she didn't want to, and she likely couldn't have, even if she wanted to. She was completely lost at what to do, and for the most part, she didn't think she wanted to decide. She would rather Zeke come along and force her to do what she knew to be right, but what she didn't think she had the strength to do.

"I'm scared, Ymir."

"Yeah."

A tear hit the top of her head as her girlfriend pulled her closer.

"Me too."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''

The hours may very well have become days for all Mikasa could tell. She had been both sobbing and moaning and begging for the past several minutes as her father worked carefully on her with a knife. At this point, it was all she could do to try and count in her head and try and keep herself sane; a vision of Joe had sufficed for awhile, but he had since become a blacked out silhouette fleeing quickly from her mind's eye.

 _Fifty-two thousand six hundred and forty… fifty two thousand six hundred and forty-one…_

She would have been surely vomiting if she hadn't already grown accustomed to the smell that surrounded her and if there was anything left for her to throw up. Vomit ran down her chest, mixing with blood that had come about as a result of several lacerations that had been inflicted on her since she had been sat in that chair. She couldn't remember exactly when she had lost control of her bowels, but she had no doubt she was sitting in her own shit and urine; the combined smell was enough to make her stomach rebel furiously, but all she could do now was gag and hope that a loss of oxygen would cause her to pass out.

"Relax your muscles if you would."

She gave a shriek of insane laughter; relax?

"And hold still… "

Her father who had been carefully slicing a square-shaped incision into the side of her thigh suddenly grabbed the piece of skin and pulled forcefully; the piece of flesh didn't tear away from her body immediately and instead ripped several inches of skin away from her leg before finally coming free. Mikasa screamed so hard that her voice broke and she collapsed into fresh tears as her body quaked involuntarily. Her father stood in front of her dangling the strip of her skin where it swung in front of her like a pendulum.

 _Fifty-two thousand seven hundred and seven… fifty-two thousand seven hundred and eight…_

"You still with me?"

There wasn't a single bit of will inside her to respond to him, but she wouldn't have gotten the chance regardless; something metal and solid slammed against her shin and she moaned through closed lips. As she bucked in pain, a hand held her under the thigh to slip a rough, coarse rope between her legs, beneath her and out behind the chair so that she was essentially sitting on it. She could have guessed what was coming, but as the rope was yanked viciously from behind her, digging into her sex and causing her to bleed in several more places as the sinewy material tore and sliced the skin of her privates, she still had no time to prepare for the pain and wailed towards the ceiling as she was ravaged further.

"Let's try this… I am quite curious to see how it works."

Heaving and crying, breathing and hyperventilating, Mikasa tried not to let her mind begin imagining what horror her father could be bringing to bear on her next. It was a relative surprise then when a thick, impossibly hot substance was poured over her right shoulder; she thrashed and screamed as it slid down her back and over her breast. It clung to her like glue and after what was likely a minute, it cooled enough for her to take another attempt to try and reign in her pain and fear.

 _Fifty-two thousand seven hundred and ninety-four… fifty-two thousand seven hundred and ninety-five…_

She became amazed at how long a break she was being given and looked up to see her father watching her with anxious and suspicious eyes, as though something ought to be happening that wasn't.

"Hmm… guess it takes some time… I'll be going for a nap, see you in a couple hours."

As though he was speaking to a coworker about an overlong lunchbreak, he gave a mocking wave and swung the door to the cell open. The light beyond was blindingly white considering the relative dark Mikasa had been in for so long and she jammed her eyes shut before shouting in pain; the needle that had been carefully stuck into her iris made the very act of blinking difficult, let alone the forced closing of the lids. Someone was shouting beyond the door, but she couldn't begin to comprehend the echoing words.

 _Fifty-two thousand eight hundred and eleven… fifty-two thousand eight hundred and twelve…_

The door swung shut with a torturously loud clang, leaving Mikasa alone to sit in her vomit, excrement, blood and tears. She allowed herself to stop counting as in that moment, she had been granted what was likely to be far too short a reprieve. Trying to picture Joe's face, she found it too difficult for her racing mind to achieve and she gave a pathetic sob; if only any of them could see her now. Would Ymir be happy? Disgusted? Would Joe even want her back if he came for her now? She couldn't see herself, but there was so much damage that she felt, she doubted she would ever look the same again.

 _Please… just let me see him one last time… to tell him I'm sorry… that I love him… that…_

Her mind stopped its hopeless pleading as she realized a strange sensation traveling over her skin where the tarlike substance had been dumped on her. For a moment, she couldn't piece together what it was she was feeling before it struck her; an itching, like that of a thousand mosquito bites was slowly spreading the contaminated part of her skin and was steadily growing worse. Her stomach fell in fear as she realized in seconds, the torture would be unbearable and she looked to the black ceiling desperately.

"I'M SORRY! I'M SO SORRY! PLEASE LET ME SEE HIM JUST ONCE, JUST ONE MORE TIME BEFORE… "

She realized then that her words had dredged up a memory, and she saw in her mind's eye Sasha being whipped mercilessly as she sought Mikasa's eyes.

" _I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY, MIKASA! I'M SORRY… "_

And as the sensation reached the point of agony, fire ants biting down all across her body, Mikasa could think no more of anything as the screams no one could hear echoed throughout the room where she knew she was going to breathe her last.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Florian scooted around the table to exit the room; she had finished her meal and wanted to check on Joe; he had been sleeping when she had left him, but she had felt an urge to watch Sasha while the brunette came from her room to eat. It was one of the few, rare times anyone had seen her since she had returned, to eat and use the restroom before she would return to her room and lock the door. It was impossible to gauge any emotion from her, her expression had been unchangingly blank since Florian had first seen her.

 _There's nothing I can say… nothing to help that pain._

She had remembered how terrible she had felt after Frieda had died and while she had no idea how close Sasha and Annie had been, her reaction was sufficient in guessing what this loss had done to her. That aside, she had recently lost Ilse as well, and who knew what else she had been going through. Florian was having enough trouble trying to keep what had Zeke had told them out of her head, and she imagined that difficulty was present for everyone else.

 _I can't know._

Sasha stood abruptly as though she had forgotten something important before turning calmly and walking away from the table. Florian felt her arm move almost on its own and her hand grabbed Sasha by the wrist as she passed.

 _What can I say._

Nothing. There wasn't a damn thing she could say. She looked to Sasha who hadn't turned to face her, but had stopped moving; shaking her head, Florian gave her wrist a squeeze before letting go. It was all the could think to do, to offer some miniscule, meaningless amount of comfort she barely knew. Sasha remained standing still for several seconds before she left the room without a backwards glance; Florian heaved a sigh and propped her chin on her hand, wondering if she could possibly be any more useless.

"Oh."

She heard the single word uttered as the turned to look at the sound of a door swinging open. Joe looked surprised to have not been alone entering what was essentially the facility's break room and stood uncertainly in the door. Florian shrugged at him before turning back to the coffee in front of her.

"I don't bite."

It was a grim statement beneath its humor; she assumed that Joe believed them to still be at odds after he had essentially allowed her sister to be murdered, but while neither she nor Historia had forgiven him for that, she had stopped allowing it to try and mend her relationship with him.

 _Whatever relationship that may be._

He looked strangely animated as he stepped into the room and dug into the fridge for something to eat. Twisting as he straightened, he jerked his head around as though the room was packed and there was nowhere to sit; Florian rolled her eyes and loudly patted the table in front of her. He jumped and stumped his way over and winced as he sat down across from her. Not making eye contact with her, he began to eat, eyes down as though he were a child sitting with a parent while he knew he was in trouble. She watched him for a minute before sighing.

"Are you alright?"

In what finally seemed to be a genuine reaction, he pulled the spoon from his mouth and placed it on the table as he closed his eyes for several seconds.

"No. I'm not."

She nodded slowly.

"Yeah, I know what you mean."

His eyes glazed over.

"No, I don't think you do."

Glad he had fallen for the bait, she leaned forward.

"Explain then."

He didn't seem to notice that she had tricked him into engaging in a conversation; his eyes remained turned down as he started talking.

"I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I might have made one of the biggest mistakes of my life yesterday, Mikasa is gone, Annie is dead and I really just can't figure out how to come back from this."

Despite his denial that she knew how Joe felt, he had said pretty much everything she had expected him to say, proving she had been right. There was a look on his face though that indicated he was holding something back, and he didn't elaborate any further than that. She raised her eyebrows.

"And?"

He looked at her then, eyes shining with a glint of anger.

"And nothing."

She leaned back and inhaled slowly, realizing she may have overstepped, but before she could apologize, he beat her to it. He hunched, closing his eyes again and shaking his head.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean… "

There was that Joe she remembered, so quick to apologize, to jump to conclusions and she couldn't help but smile sadly.

"I know."

He smiled as well, just as melancholy an expression as she knew she had made.

"You must want me so fucking dead… "

Blinking in surprise, she furrowed her brow as she tilted her head slightly. That had not been something she was expecting to hear, and at the moment in her life, it couldn't be further from the truth. Not anymore.

"No, I don't. What are you talking about?"

He leaned back, looking very tired with that sad smile still playing at the corners of his mouth.

"You don't need to lie to me. You would be infinitely better off if you had never decided to talk to me that night in the bar."

It was very true that Florian had spent hours pondering that very fact; had she never chosen to sit across from him those nights ago and struck up a conversation, would she be in a better place now? Still working at that bar, dealing with the stares and occasional grabs from truckers, drunks, and homeless folk, arguing with her sister every other day, living permanently under the knowledge that they were likely under the careful watch of their father, who they could only guess as to why he hadn't had them murdered?

 _God help me._

"I regret a lot of things, Joe, but talking to you was not one of them."

His eyes moved to look at hers, suspicion obvious.

"If you say so."

"I don't."

He shrugged and she felt, suddenly and overwhelmingly, a wave of fury unlike anything she had recalled feeling before; she launched herself to her feet and slammed her knuckles on the table. Silverware rattled as she began shouting and he looked up at her, eyes now wide with apprehension.

"CUT IT OUT! QUIT SITTING THERE LIKE YOU KNOW SOMETHING I DON'T, LIKE YOU'RE SUFFERING PAST ANY HELP!"

Florian stood there, suddenly very out of breath, her chest heaving; Joe's eyes were wide. She felt regret at her sudden loss of composure and felt desperation crawl over her.

"Please just talk to me."

It was a pathetic attempt, but it was all she wanted. She watched him as his eyes flicked between fear, understanding, and finally, finality.

"You want to go for a walk?"

This surprised her; she thought to the day he had taken her on the fastest ride of her life to that spot out in the wilderness where no one could ever find them. As she looked down to him, she realized he was looking hopeful.

"Sure."

A wave of emotion passed across his face then, relief, followed by the one of the strongest waves of agony she had seen, before he blinked rapidly and stood, his expression now calm. He offered her a small smile and she returned it, following him gladly from the room.

She wasn't exactly sure where he had in mind when he suggested a walk, but she soon found that he had been referring to the woods behind the compound. The sun was beaming and snow melted and dripped from the trees; there was no need for heavy winter gear and she followed him on what didn't seem to really be a path as he marched purposefully into the trees.

"Where are we going?"

He looked around at the leafless trees that glistened with melted snow.

"Wherever consequence leads us."

It was an unsatisfactory answer, but one that was very much something he would say; Florian was able to take that in stride. A suspicion, one strong and painful, was starting to overtake her, but she tried with every ounce of willpower to ignore it.

"Surprised you would want to hike into some woods the last time you were in these."

His shoulders rotated, flexing the back muscles she knew to be numb from the painkillers.

"Yeah, well, I don't really plan to be minding my own business by a super loud river and not be paying attention when one of those fuckers comes up on me."

He tapped the back of his pants where she could see the bulge of a gun.

"That's not happening again."

She wondered if that was indeed why he was carrying a gun. They trudged further on, and she noticed Joe's pace slowing gradually as though he were a plane on a runway after landing.

"Everything okay."

She was just behind him and noticed him twitch suddenly at her words, almost as though they had surprised him.

"Yeah."

They continued on. With his slower pace, the walk would likely have been very relaxing, if Florian's mind wasn't very sure something was off about what was happening. After a couple minutes, they reached a slant that moved down a hill thick with trees to what looked like a clearing beyond. Curious as to if it was natural or manmade, Florian wasn't looking where she was going and nearly collided with Joe who had stopped dead in his tracks. She watched his nearly frozen form for a couple seconds and when he didn't move or say a word, she closed her eyes and did.

"Why are we here?"

She then noticed his left hand was shaking; he lowered his head and turned slowly towards her. His face was completely aghast, but he didn't seem able to give her a reply.

"You didn't want to just take me on a walk, did you?"

His eyes were now swimming with tears.

"Florian, I… I… "

"What are we doing here, Joe?"

She could feel tears in her own eyes as she realized her hunch had been right.

"Why did you take me out here?"

He shook with a silent sob as the tears spilled over and down his cheeks.

"I… I… "

His eyes met the ground and he took a great, rattling breath before looking back up to her.

"I brought you here to die."


	57. Chapter 57

The words stabbed her deeper than Florian knew Joe could possibly know; he had been lying the whole way she had known, but to know now that he had brought her out under the a false pretense with the intention of killing her… it was the worst betrayal she could have imagined. She somehow managed to keep a straight face as he stared back at her, looking half-dead.

"Is there a particular reason for that?"

He brought a hand up to wipe his mouth and she noticed it was shaking rather badly. She hoped his panic would keep him from noticing her hand drifting slowly behind her back. The pistol she had been carrying since the second cabin was resting comfortably and out of sight, tucked in her pants beyond Joe's knowledge.

"When I… when I went to bring back… the kid… I met your sister."

The hurt was struck aside harshly by a wave of shock; Florian blinked as her hand came to rest on the handle of her gun.

"Sister?"

Her mind went to Frieda, and she wondered if he was about to try and feed her some nonsense about seeing her sister as some kind of hallucination.

 _He'd deserve to._

Joe shook his head, his mouth a tight line as though he were trying to keep himself from throwing up.

 _Please God, don't make me shoot him._

"No… Abel."

A vicious memory of Abel being tormented by several of Kenny's men flashed through Florian's mind and her hand slipped on her gun.

"You're lying."

He chuckled, a weak, pained noise.

"I wish. She was watching the house they were keeping him in… last person I came across and she took me down… thought I was dead."

His eyes met hers and she could tell then that he wasn't lying.

"She's cold, Florian. I don't know who you remember… I don't know who you thought she was… but she's cold. She hates everything, it seemed. Didn't have anything good to say about anyone or anything, but she was willing to make a deal with me."

Nothing he said was making any sense, but Florian couldn't find the strength to pull her gun on him.

"A deal."

He nodded, still looking completely sick.

"I would be allowed to leave with the kid, and therefore give us the advantage we needed if… if I brought you to her."

Now, Florian was starting to feel significantly confused.

 _That's not killing me._

A hopeful warmth had started to spread as she realized that what he said he had to do wasn't the same as what she thought; whatever he thought would come about as a result of this, he had clearly thought wrong. He didn't want to kill her, and even just that thought was enough to begin pouring relief into her veins.

"That's not killing me."

Shaking his head as if in slow motion, he looked at her desperately.

"Florian… she HATES you… "

The warmth was struck by a cold wave that froze her in place.

"What are you talking about?"

She had always assumed Abel had died the day that she and Frieda had believed Historia dead, but it appeared that neither of them had actually been killed the day they had run for their lives. The idea that Abel was also alive after she had been reunited with Historia rejuvenated a hope she couldn't remember feeling. But now, he had the audacity to suggest that Abel, her own sister, hated her? Real anger was now flooding her and she realized she had the sights of her gun now pointed between Joe's eyes.

"What are you TALKING about?!"

He didn't seem put off, or even surprised that she was now holding him at gunpoint, and simply continued talking, his voice a quiet and dejected track.

"She didn't come out and say it… but… the way she talked about you and Frieda… she thinks that you both abandoned her and Historia. She ran to go save her, and the both of you just… didn't do anything."

Florian shook the gun at him, the metal components rattling slightly.

"We were being held at gunpoint by our FATHER!"

Joe looked up, and angry desperation in his eyes.

"Florian, she was raped and tortured while neither of you were there! Whatever your situation was, whatever the reason you weren't there to help her, to protect her, none of that matters to her! I've never seen someone who was so… so… full of resentment and hate."

Florian could only stubbornly shake her head.

"You're wrong. She's not… she couldn't… "

"I don't know what she really feels towards you and your sister, but… I can't bring you to her now. I can't stand the thought of leaving you with her after everything she said to me. She'll kill you."

Despite her hard belief that Abel would never do anything of the sort, Florian found herself unable to refute this anymore; instead, she launched a fresh verbal assault towards him.

"And if you don't? Huh? If you don't hold up your end of the deal, then what?"

He looked away from her, back to the snow at his feet.

"She'll tell Kenny what happened, and where his kid is. He and his people descend on this building and crush it, everyone inside will be killed."

"So your option is to either bring me to my sister or else risk the lives of everyone back at that compound."

Another nod.

"Yes."

She threw up her free arm in a gesture of exasperation.

"Then lead on. Even if you think my sister has it out to kill me, which she doesn't, you can't weigh my life against that of everyone back there."

He suddenly looked both angry and defensive.

"I can't."

A pang she didn't want to feel pounded in her gut, but she ignored it.

"Joe, if I've come to know anything about you, you seem to want to do what you think is right, regardless of its cost."

"And you think I would be just ready and willing to give you up for the greater good?"

She furrowed her brow aggressively.

"I don't know, would you?"

He balked.

"I… I don't know… "

For the first time since the night Frieda died, Florian felt real derision towards him.

"And that was another thing. You're a coward."

He looked up at her and she wasn't sure if she could see hurt in his eyes.

"You're a coward, and I think you might be at least half-crazy."

Swallowing, he grit his teeth.

"Because of the night that your sister died?"

She shrugged and laughed quietly.

"Well, you weren't exactly the nervous, quirky boy I… "

 _Fell for._

"…met that night at Pixis's bar, what seems like years ago. You were cold, bloodthirsty, and insane."

She shook her head and tightened her grip on her pistol.

"I don't know who you are. I guess I never did. Maybe you're more than one person, maybe there's a lot more going on in your head than I can see, but none of that matters anymore."

"It doesn't?"

"I thought… "

Her voice cracked and she cursed her own weakness.

"I thought I could fall in love with you. I thought you were someone who could show me some happiness after all my years of hiding, of running, of sleeping alone. But that's impossible now, and I know it."

She thought of the day she submitted to Mikasa and said she would keep free of coming between the both of them. It was something she regretted the moment she said it, but there were few people who had scared her like Mikasa had. If she had a claim on Joe, any feelings she had could be dangerous.

"You'll get her back and you'll run away and be happy together."

A cruel smile she had never worn slipped onto her face.

"We can take bets on how long it lasts before she beats you to death."

Any emotion that he had been wearing directed towards her disappeared, but she didn't care anymore. She felt tears burning her eyes as she let go of any hope of a future with him, but she had other things on her mind.

"Now, take me to my sister."

He had straightened, wincing as his back was stretched slightly, but he didn't move, and he didn't speak. Florian swallowed angrily and pulled back the hammer of her pistol.

"I said, TAKE ME to my sister."

Crossing his arms, he fixed his head forward.

"No."

Trying to keep her frustration from hitting her too heavily, she took a deep breath and put both hands on the handle of her gun.

"Do as I say, or… "

"Or what?"

Now he was smiling, bitterly.

"You'll shoot me?"

Her hands had started shaking.

"I don't want to, but I… "

"Do it."

He took a step towards her, snow crunching louder than it should have.

"You're just like Historia, aren't you? Hate my fucking guts, but can't bother to do a thing about it? You SHOULD kill me, by consequence of what I've done, I deserve it, don't I?"

Joe took another step and she jerked, but kept herself from losing ground; he looked very different then he had moments before, aggression and daring written on his features.

"I won't kill you, but I will shoot you."

"Ah, you'd be doing me a favor though, wouldn't you? I can't even sit up straight without these painkillers, I've got my back still half-ripped to shreds, a gunshot wound that's not healing, who knows how long I've got?"

She could sense he was baiting her, and she jumped to shut him down before he did anything that would force her to pull the trigger.

"You don't want to die."

"No?"

"No. Not until Mikasa is safe."

He seemed to quiver as though he were about to collapse before catching himself and making his mouth into a line.

"You're right. I want to save her, and keep her safe."

Sunlight gleamed off his pale face as took another step.

"But I don't know if I can."

He suddenly seemed to notice that there was the barrel of a gun that was nearing his forehead with every step he took.

"Put that down."

His voice was now low and had an undertone of menace, ensuring Florian did not consider lowering her weapon for a moment; trying to keep her voice steady, she shook her head.

"Step back. Don't take another… "

He leapt at her then, reaching for the gun; she gave a short scream and pulled the trigger, which brought the hammer down with a resounding metal clank. Joe stopped a pace ahead of her, looking mildly surprised.

"Oh."

Any aggression had vanished from his face.

"I… I didn't think you would do it."

He stared at her, and she felt a wave of guilt cross over her fear.

 _I would have._

But how had the gun turned out to be empty… ?

"Thought I heard a couple folks making a ruckus out here."

The both of them turned to look at where the sudden voice had come from; coming up the hill they had been heading towards came two men with ski masks and assault rifles and between them, came a young woman, dressed as though she were going on a casual hike. Florian didn't need an introduction to recognize the face she hadn't seen in over a half-dozen years; the last time she had seen her, her face had been contorted in frustration and agony, a face that now held a very mock smile.

"Heya, Florian."

 _Abel._

He hadn't lied. She was alive, and she was here now. Florian couldn't think of anything to say. Her heart was pounding against her throat and her breath was coming in just as shakily as it had when she had been confronting Joe. He stepped forward now, looking affronted.

"We were coming, there was no reason to… "

Her short blonde hair was tossed from her face as she looked at him appraisingly.

"Well, I wasn't sure you'd follow through with your end of the deal and just now I thought I heard raised voices. Figured I could make your job at least marginally easier."

His expression became no more complacent; if anything, he looked more worried. Abel turned to look at Florian.

"Been a while, sis."

Her voice worked on its own, trying to make sense of her mind's racing.

"I thought… I thought you and… "

"You thought Historia and I got our brains blasted out that night at the station?"

"… Yes."

She stretched out her arms, in a broad gesture of "here I am".

"Well, I guess you and Frieda got that wrong, didn't you? Didn't even bother checking in on either of us, did you? Just packed up and ran off to put yourself in the middle of nowhere, and just sat down to… "

Florian found herself rushing to try and defend herself.

"We didn't have a choice! Father forced us to leave without giving us a chance to ever… "

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll hear excuses somewhere I'm not freezing my ass off."

She made a casual waving motion and the two men at her side moved forward; Florian had her legs kicked out from under her as they searched her roughly, before coming up only with a knife and her empty gun. She was yanked back up and forced to walk back into their footprints, the way they had come. Turning to look at Joe with a last, pained stare, she saw him looking back, his mouth a tight line and his hands balled into tight fists.

"What are you going to do with her?"

He blurted the question out as Florian had her back turned to him; Abel didn't look back as they trudged away through the snow.

"That stopped being your concern a while ago."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Before the foursome had even moved completely out of sight, Joe had broken into an unsteady run back towards the compound; it was cold and dry out in the woods, but a sweat had begun to run down his body as he struggled to keep himself upright.

 _That was the right thing to do. That was the right thing to do._

The seven words hammered him over and over, long after he had stopped believing they were true. Realizing he wasn't going to be able to make the run back, he dropped his back against a tree and sank into the thin layer of snow. He put his head between his knees and tried to push the searing negative thoughts away, panting desperately.

 _You did the right thing… the wrong thing, the right thing, the wrong thing, does it matter? It doesn't matter because you failed her, you failed her and you failed yourself, and now…_

"Have you still not grown up?"

It was a simple question that crashed upon his ears, but it was enough to completely silence the thoughts roaring through his mind. He didn't need to look up to know that Dust was standing there, probably smiling at him.

"Who says I was trying to?"

It was an honest answer, but Joe realized that there was something very intense burning in his gut.

"Ah, I sort of hoped that you would have reached a point where you would stop sweating your decisions so much. Seeing you like this… when I saved you from that bear, I sort of hoped we had seen the last of this."

Ignoring the very bitter taste that was now in his mouth, Joe replied, still without looking up.

"Yeah? And by 'this', what exactly do you mean?"

A soft crunching of snow and frozen brush signaled Dust moving in front of him.

"You're still so weak. You can't rely on yourself, all you want is to get back Ackerman so you can fall asleep crying on her lap after she beats the shit out of you again."

Joe didn't reply to this as Dust continued to pace.

"You just want to be loved. And you are weak enough that you can't do a thing for yourself. So while Mikasa is tortured to death, and Florian off to have likely the same done to her, you'll sit around and mope, hiding from Ymir and trying not to… "

It was several seconds before Joe realized he was on his feet, an inch from Dust's face; the dark apparition smirked.

"What?"

"You're right."

While his smile didn't fade, Dust's eyebrows rose.

"Oh?"

Joe suddenly knew very well what needed to happen. It was something he should have done back in the woods, when he was running from the border police, it was something he should have done on that roof that cold night, and it was something he should have done when Dust promised they would work together.

"I'm weak. I've been weak. I couldn't prevent it."

"Well, finally we can at least get a little honesty after you… "

"But I'm done."

Dust's brow now furrowed in humored confusion.

"What do you think you're… "

Joe's hands wrapped around his throat then and in a swift movement, had forced him to the ground.

"I can do what I need to now. I never needed you. I needed to kill you."

Dust had always been a more imposing figure than Joe, but he found that as the shadowy phantom struggled, there was nothing that was able to be done in response to his sudden attack.

"I'm done running. And I'm done being weak."

Dust's eyes were wide as his mouth opened and closed wordlessly.

"There is nothing left for me, but her. I'll get her back."

Though looking to be well in the midst of his final flailings, Dust appeared to still be smiling.

 _Maybe you did finally figure it out._

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Thankful that she had finally managed to get Historia to sleep, Ymir hadn't slept particularly long herself, but was grateful to see her girlfriend still fast asleep. It was going on early afternoon, but Ymir had no intention of waking either her or Ilse up before they were ready; quietly dressing and exiting the small building next to the compound they were staying in. Florian had seemed to not be in her room either, signaling she had been up longer than Ymir had.

Biting down on her lower lip as the cold came down on her, Ymir chuckled and cursed simultaneously.

 _Cold as fuck._

She had made up her mind the night before that she was going to talk to Sasha, whether the brunette wanted to talk to her or not. Ymir was done not knowing if something particularly bad had happened between her and Joe, and possibly Mikasa. Sasha was surely still reeling from the loss of Annie, Eren and Armin, and while the losses hit Ymir every time she woke, the same way memories of Ilse slammed into her, but she had forced herself to fight through them. Otherwise, she may not be able to get out of bed in the morning.

Sasha, while openly loud and brash, and always been ridiculously delicate in private, and Ymir had no doubt that her suffering was something she couldn't even begin to fathom. But enough was enough. Ymir needed to talk to her.

 _Hell, maybe just talking in general will be good for her._

About a hundred feet from the compound, she spotted a figure exiting the treeline, just as far from the building as she was; her hand slapped against her waist as she reached insticnitvely for a gun that wasn't there, before realizing it was Joe. Smirking bitterly, she sped up her pace, eager for a shot to get in some stingers on that passive bitch before he slithered out of sight. He didn't seem to notice her, his head down and walking brisk; as his hand reached for the door handle, Ymir called out, now only about thirty feet from him.

"The hell you doing out in the woods?"

He stopped, not moving, but not looking back. She pressed on.

"I sort of thought you'd get over Mikasa quickly, but I didn't think it would be pretty much the next day."

She wondered if he would have stiffened if his back hadn't already been very straight.

"And even still, rude to leave Florian out in the woods, especially if you've just used her as a cum dump… "

"You need something, Ymir?"

He hadn't turned still, but his voice was light, almost frighteningly so. Ymir blinked in surprise that he hadn't slipped into his usual self when she had verbally abused him before; swallowing and looking angry, but not willing to challenge her. She had loved having that power over him. Her surprise at him remained, but she didn't back down.

"I mean, if you're going off to the woods to fuck the sister of my girlfriend… "

She trailed off, hoping that this would poke him into giving an angry response, but nothing was garnered from her remark. Starting to feel slightly annoyed, she reached for his shoulder.

"Look, asshole, don't think you can act like some kind of stalwart, righteous motherfucker just because your dominatrix got snagged while you… "

Turning suddenly, he grabbed her wrist as it fell on his shoulder and slung her against the wall. Further shocked, she grunted as her back slammed into the plaster of the wall; he made no attempt to grip her as she had him, but now he was finally looking at her. There was nothing different that she could see, save for a single detail.

 _Those eyes._

They weren't threatening necessarily, they weren't even angry. They were challenging.

"If all you want to do is trade insults, I really have things to do."

She somehow managed to stumble her way into a fresh stab.

"Yeah, what's that? Moping over how generally useless you are when all you can do is… "

But he had already turned away from her as though she no longer was something that warranted his attention. Feeling anger growing as the one thing that she had been able to derive pleasure from was stripped away, she reached for him as his hand fell onto the doorknob.

The next thing she knew, he was in her face; he hadn't grabbed her, hit her, or touched her at all, but she found herself backed back into the wall.

"You want to try something, I suggest you fucking try something. But I don't have time to stand here while you try and inject a sense of worth into yourself by degrading someone you don't have the balls to kill."

 _I do. I really do._

She did want to kill him. She had wanted to kill him. Since the moment she saw him lying in the hospital, she had wanted to kill him. And now he was asking her, practically asking her to satisfy that demon.

And she couldn't.

Exhaling sharply through his nose in derision, he turned away and stormed into the building, the door slamming shut behind him, as Ymir stood out in the cold, panting and wondering what in the hell had just happened.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The door was slightly ajar. Not enough to allow her to see anything anyway, but damn near enough that her ears could pick up the shouts that echoed as though across a football stadium, when they were in fact, just in front of her.

Mikasa's ears were two of the only parts that she believed had yet to be touched. She assumed that was so she could hear her father, or perhaps he wanted her to hear herself scream and beg, but now, as she sat in a near catatonic state, she could listen.

Her body wasn't responding well to her brain's commands; occasionally, her hand or foot would twitch, but exhaustion, dehydration, and possibly insanity were keeping her from managing much else.

 _If only I could sleep…_

The words bellowed in front of her would have prevented that regardless; the banging on the door while her father had been beating her had pulled him and his fist away to check the disturbance in annoyance.

"WE HAVEN'T FOUND ANYTHING!"

"And what exactly do I have to do with that?"

"YOU'RE GOING TO LET ME TALK TO HER, YOU'RE GOING TO LET ME PEEL EVERY INCH OF SKIN FROM HER UNTIL SHE TELLS ME… "

"Kenny, calm down. We must be reasonable about this… "

"REASONABLE?!"

The voices of Kenny, her father, and Rod Reiss were somehow recognizable as they reverberated hollowly within her head. Kenny was quite angry about something, it seemed.

"She's in no state to answer any question you pose to her anyway, come back tomorrow when you're calmer and she's had some time to recover, and I'll… "

"I DON'T HAVE UNTIL TOMORROW!"

Rod interjected, forcefully.

"That's enough. He's right, Kenny, this will get us nowhere, let's… "

And the voices faded away as the door slammed shut again, deluging the room back into its orange glow and trapping once more the smell of bodily fluids and excrement.

"Looks like you get tonight off, honey."

 _Tonight? How long… have I been down here?_

She had continued counting as the situation had called for it, but she didn't know, truly, how long she had been trapped. Then, a pinch in her neck was felt, and she finally collapsed into torturous, frenzied dreams.


	58. Chapter 58

The days seemed to drag on at the length of months, but for Ymir, those months could have lasted much longer.

 _We're running out of time._

Ever since Florian had disappeared, Historia had grown particularly morose and uncommunicative, even more than she had been as of late. Ymir had cornered Reiner on her behalf, insisting that there was no way that none of the cameras around the compound had missed her leaving, but Reiner had stubbornly informed her that none of the footage revealed anything that could have been connected to her vanishing. Knowing that cameras watched every square meter of the compound, Ymir knew that either Reiner was lying at the behest of Zeke, who knew something that they didn't, or Florian had tampered with the footage before leaving; Ymir suspected the former.

Florian being gone was surely unsettling, but Ymir found that it had put her focus in clear perspective. She needed to leave, and she was taking her family with her. It seemed clear to her that Historia had every intention of staying behind and handing herself over to her father, but Ymir wasn't having it. If she needed to drug her again to knock her out and run away with her, that would be what needed to happen. That much was obvious to her, and the only factor that remained to sort out was if anyone was coming with.

Ymir honestly wasn't worried about leaving Jean with these people; his fingers were dipped so deep into this business already and to her figuring, his relation to anything dealing with anyone from Hange's sect wasn't anything enough to give Kenny or Rod reason to come after him. His distance would be what kept him safe.

Though she kept telling herself that she hadn't come to a definite conclusion, Ymir knew deep down that she needed to take Sasha with them. She hadn't managed to get any real conversation out of Sasha as the days had gone by, and the depression was very obvious. Every time Ymir had approached her, she had seemed to grow nervous before saying she had something to do and running off. These excuses aside, Ymir knew that leaving Sasha behind was something that would haunt her forever; abandoning such a broken person to the vultures she was putting behind her was as good as a death sentence.

Joe was a simple enough decision; if she never had to lay eyes on him again, that would have been just fine with her.

 _All the better for both of us._

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The morning was coming quickly and Historia knew that she only had a few more hours before the day would begin and she would have to hide once more behind the mask she had been wearing for the past dozen days. Ymir was asleep in their bed while Historia sat in the small living room they had access to, staring out at the night lights. The small dose of ecstasy she had stolen from Zeke's supply made them appear as fiery dancers, entertaining her in their movements. She thought of the time she had cut Ymir trying to sneak heroin and wondered what her girlfriend would say if she could see her now.

Taking in a shuddering breath, she bobbed her head in the rhythm the drug instructed; she felt so light, as if she could fly up to where the stars pirouetted in front of her and join them. The feeling was just as real and powerful as it had been that night, that night when she had ruined her relationship.

 _It had felt so good…_

She remembered shoving Joe down on the mattress and mounting him with all the aggression she could muster, and she remembered the joy that came with the rebellious feeling of it all. But it had all been a mistake, nothing more than a stupid choice she had made in her fit of depression and fear.

Standing, she walked over to the makeshift crib where Ilse lay, fist balled next to her head as she dreamed whatever dream would surely be forgotten when she awoke. Her tiny face was at peace, not knowing the hell that existed in the world she was growing older day by day in.

 _She… she…_

She couldn't believe she hadn't seen it before. She had spent more time with the baby each day than anyone else, and she had never noticed… how much she looked like him.

 _She can't look like him._

This much was certain. There was no way she could allow Ilse to grow up resembling the man that Ymir hated, that Historia had taken advantage of, the man that had all but killed her sister. She couldn't bear to spend each day seeing that face reflected off her child, being reminded every second of her greatest mistake.

 _I can't let her look like him._

Ymir would never admit it, how much it would come to bother her surely, but it would happen, whether or not Historia was made aware of it. Ymir would be forced to spend every moment of her life with her daughter knowing that she hadn't been able to give the love of her life what she wanted.

 _I can't…_

She moved the pillow closer to Ilse's face, feeling the urge of some dark force, egging her on as she made to suffocate the child.

 _Wait… what?_

Gasping and dropping the pillow with a near-silent flop, she backed into the wall as Ilse shifted gently in her sleep, never aware of what had just nearly transpired.

 _Did I… did I just…_

Not willing to believe it, not even willing to comprehend it, she tiptoed as quickly as she could back to her bed where she dove back into the covers, sobbing quietly into her pillow as she waited desperately for the sleep to come to her.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The night was brisk, but less cold than the frigid air of the previous days had bestowed upon the town. The bars and restaurants were crowded that weekend, and while one could certainly hear the raucous noise from within the establishments and the lights that glowed out onto the frosted streets and sidewalks, few people walked outdoors, save for the few patrons who had stepped outside to smoke or vomit.

The cold air didn't deter Clyde Marsh or his compatriot as the two mock officers made their way down the sidewalk along the side of a stretch of buildings that had either been sold or remained for lease, empty and dark. They had just finished getting drinks of their own and the warmth of their buzz kept the cold air away. They had a few hours yet before they were to report to their boss and check out for the evening, and abusing their power was something that would keep them form growing bored.

"You wanna walk over to that spot at the junction by the Boneyards? Find some homeless folks loitering around?"

A smile spread across Clyde's brutish face and he nodded his approval.

"I think that'd be great. Maybe this time they won't… "

At once, both men turned as there came the shattering of glass just to their right, down a dark alley beyond their sight. They stopped walking and tried to focus their eyes to the darkness; no cat or homeless person graced their eyesight to grant an explanation to the sound they had just heard. Clyde Marsh patted the grip of his pistol as if to reassure himself that it was there.

"Hey there now! Whoever you are, come out where we can see you!"

When no reply was issued, he amended his statement.

"This is the police! Come on out!"

Still nothing. Looking to his fellow officer, Marsh smiled. There already was the charge of disobeying a direct order from a police officer, and now they could have some fun, even if this person wasn't attempting to burglarize one of these rundown buildings. Tilting his head, the two officers pulled free their nightsticks and made their way into the alley, disappearing from the view of the street. As soon as they were out of sight, a young man dressed in dirty and ratty garb came around the side of the building the officers had been about to pass, guitar case in hand. Stopping just at the entrance of the alley, he pulled his guitar free from the case and began strumming and warbling a loud, drunken song of his own composition. Such was the noise of the playing and singing, that, should anyone have even been near enough, any noise coming from the alley would have been nearly completely drowned out.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

After double-checking to make sure that Historia was in their residence with Ilse, Ymir slipped her way back into the compound and began prowling the hallways for Sasha. Joe and Jean had taken on a strange absence in the evenings, and while Ymir didn't normally see much of them anyway, the lack of seeing either of them was odd to her.

 _Maybe they both finally realized they'll never really be able to be with Mikasa, and just decided to fuck each other._

Smirking to herself, she poked her head into the room that operated as their miniature cafeteria, where they would be fed three times a day and where she had seen Sasha the most, but the room was barren of sustenance and people. Sighing in mild frustration, she stepped back, hoping that her target wasn't already asleep.

"Ymir?"

Physically jumping, Ymir spun to see that her reaction had caused Sasha to jump as well, who had come up behind her silently enough to avoid attention.

"Je-SUS, Sash!"

Backing away, Sasha put her hands up in a weak sign of apology.

"My bad… "

Shaking her head and feeling her heart pounding against her throat, Ymir shook her head, heaving a sigh.

"No, no, you're good, just… just didn't see you."

Catching her breath, she suddenly realized that for the first time in what had nearly been two weeks, Sasha had approached her instead of it being the other way around. She looked up to see Sasha anxiously biting her lower lip, looking very much like she was holding back saying something that was on the tip of her tongue. When she finally spoke, it was clear, but jerky.

"Can I… Can I talk to you?"

Opening her mouth prior to knowing what to say, Ymir nodded before she came out with words.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, absolutely, what's up?"

Looking around pointedly, Sasha jerked her head towards the hallway and Ymir followed her back to her room. She noticed as they walked, that Sasha had her arms crossed over her chest and there was a spring in her step that Ymir hadn't expected to see. That, and the brunette's nerves were almost palpable.

They stepped inside her room and Sasha looked up and down the hall before closing the door. Ymir stepped slowly to the center of the room as Sasha sat down on her bed rigidly, hands clasped on her lap, not meeting Ymir's eyes. Putting as much softness as she could into her words, Ymir spoke quietly.

"Sasha, what's going on?"

Tapping her feat to some uneven beat, Sasha looked around worriedly as though still expecting someone to be listening in or hiding in some corner she hadn't looked. Ymir wanted to press her friend further, but if Sasha was going to talk to her, it wasn't going to be because she was pressing her to do so. Slowly, she walked over and sat down next to her friend who almost immediately leaned into her with open arms; feeling a rush of sisterly love, Ymir put an arm around her and waited calmly. Minutes ticked by as they held each other and Ymir found herself grateful for the momentary peace she was able to feel being here.

"Ymir… I… I think I'm pregnant."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The masked man barely had enough time to rip both guns from the unsuspecting officers' holsters before they turned, swinging their blunt weapons in full force. As expected, their slightly drunken statures allowed him to easily sidestep their movements and begin the quick process of beating them both into submission. Dodging until the officers grew out of breath, he moved up quickly and slammed both of them with a swift flurry of blows that quickly sent them both to the ground. He walked between both of them looking at their name badges and dropped an elbow into the temple of the one he had no business with, putting him out. Walking over, he swung a kick under the officer causing him to shout in pain and flip onto his stomach, allowing the masked man to reach down and pull up his arm behind him. The officer's muffled voice shouted to him as his face was half-pressed into the frosted asphalt beneath his head.

"Do you have any idea what you're DOING?! Do you know who we are, what we'll DO to you if… "

Pressure was applied sharply and the man's voice cut off in a sharp gasp; from behind his red ski mask, the man spoke in a flat, yet provoking voice.

"If I didn't know who you were, I probably wouldn't have jumped you and your friend just now."

"Then you're just as stupid as… "

More pressure, nearly to the point of fracturing bone caused Officer Marsh to cry out, his voice muffled to anyone beyond the alley by the drunken singing that had begun close by.

"Don't make me mad now, I'm in a halfway decent mood tonight, but I just have a couple questions for you."

Clyde Marsh wanted to further verbally assault his attacker, but his arm was at a point where he didn't think it could stand any more force applied to it; it was taking most everything in his power not to whimper in pain as was.

"That's better. Now, what do you know about your boss keeping illegal prisoners?"

"What in the hell are you talking… "

A snap, similar to the sound of dry branches snapping underfoot echoed through the alley, moments before Clyde Marsh howled in pain; his shouts lasted only seconds before the knee of the masked man planted itself onto the back of his throat, cutting into his intake of air.

"Quiet."

It took several seconds of moaning into the ground before he was finally able to meet those demands and found himself panting, his saliva dripping to the frozen ground below. The knee lifted slowly as though expecting him to begin bawling again.

"Now, I don't have time for the ignorant play, the innocent play, or any fucking play that's going to waste my time. Now, I'd like very much if you would answer my question."

Taking a few deep breaths, Clyde weighed speaking to this man, or refusing and remaining loyal. He wasn't surprised with himself when he started talking, the broken wrist he was now sporting egging him on.

"I only know about two that he has locked up right now. Woman named Hange Zoe, and a girl named Mikasa Ackerman."

A sharp pressure was reapplied to his twisted arm, and he started to panic.

"It's just those two, I swear, I don't know anything beyond anyone else!"

Clyde would have likely been surprised to know that the pressure hadn't come from his disbelieving captor, but rather from someone who had just been offered a glimmer of hope in the names he had spoken.

"Alright, I believe you. I'd like very much for you to tell me where they are."

Clyde took in a very deep breath as he knew that his honesty was not about to be something well received.

"They don't let grunts like me know, I only know that he's holding them because I was there when they were both locked up, you know, and… "

"Then I fail to see why you can't let me know where exactly they're being held."

"They blindfolded me before taking me there, I swear! They needed extra hands and they… "

"Alright. What are they doing in his captivity?"

"Um, they beat up Zoe real bad, but I heard they're fixing her up now. And the girl, I don't know, I'm pretty sure she's been being tortured. Like, real bad."

For the first time since speaking, the man behind the ski mask's voice wavered.

"How do you mean?"

"I don't know, I only saw her when she was taken in, but she I could hear a lotta screaming before I left."

There was a pause as the man took a slow inhale.

"And why is the chief holding them?"

"Leverage, I think. Wants something to use against his, like, political opponents."

"That's all?"

"That's what I can assume, I swear."

The masked man nodded.

"If you're lying, I'll be back for the other one."

"What other one… ?"

Still holding his arm back, a boot came down on his upper arm, breaking it just as easily as his wrist. Clyde Marsh got only one loud squeal out before the same boot slammed his head to the ground, lapsing him into a relieving state of unconsciousness.

Backing away from the two officers he had just assaulted, the man backed to the edge of the alley and glanced warily around the corners of the buildings he was nestled between. Seeing that the coast was as clear as it could be, he tapped the rattily clad man who was strumming his guitar. Wordlessly, he stopped singing and repacked his guitar and the two set off quickly down the street; it wasn't until they had made several turned corners and put many blocks in between them and the crime they had committed before the first man pulled off the red ski mask he had been using to hide his face.

"Well?"

Joe stuffed the mask into his back pocket, turning and looking behind him instinctively before answering Jean's question.

"Same deal as the others, thought this guy was able to give me names."

"Of… "

"Hange and Mikasa, both."

Jean heaved a short, shaky sigh.

"Yeah. But still, not a one of them has given me a location. They all have stuck to that same story that they aren't allowed to see where the captives are, even if their help is needed there."

"I guess that makes sense."

"It does, but doesn't make it any less frustrating."

Jean moved the guitar case to his opposite hand, shaking the other.

"Anything else?"

"This guy seemed pretty sure that they were both being tortured."

Tightening his face angrily and worriedly, Jean looked sideways, but Joe's face was still clean with resolve.

"You don't seem too bent out of shape about that."

It was dangerous question, but Joe had started acting very differently over the past two weeks and Jean wanted to know that he hadn't had some strange change of heart. Not looking at him, Joe kept his eyes forward, flicking them to the left and right every time an alley or side street appeared.

"I'm not thrilled, no, but she's been through a lot. I have to believe that she'll last until I can get to her."

His voice was very methodical, and Jean didn't find himself convinced that he had just heard the whole truth; still, pressing this wasn't something that had a chance of ending well.

"Sure. What's the plan now?"

"We head home and I'll think about it. I don't know what we can do with this, and while I have a couple ideas, none of them really involve anything less than monumental risk for the both of us."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Ymir was having a good deal of trouble keeping herself from pacing as Sasha looked to her desperately, trying to calm her down.

"That's not what I'm worried about now, all I want is to be able to make the best choice I can now that… this has happened to me. And I really don't know what to do now, I don't know what… "

But Ymir wasn't ready to talk about that yet. Something much more pertinent to her was rolling over her thoughts like tide washing over shore, over and over.

"What happened?"

Awful, terrible memories of the night she had confronted Historia over what she had done to grow pregnant couldn't keep slipping into her subconscious as Sasha looked at her with worried eyes.

"I'm not worried about that, Ymir, please, I just want to… "

"This was what happened between you, Joe, and Mikasa, wasn't it? This is what none of you ever admitted to have had happened?"

Sasha looked scared.

"It was… it wasn't supposed to be… "

"Did they make you? Did they… force you?"

"Ymir, please, that doesn't… that doesn't matter now, not now that… "

Ymir was in front of her friend within a split second, eyes wide.

"Doesn't matter? DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER?!"

Realizing that she was about to start shouting, she took a deep breath and steadied herself; Sasha didn't need that, and she sure as shit didn't deserve it.

"Please just tell me what happened."

Sasha flared up now, straightening her back and looking furiously at Ymir.

"Why?! So you can have an excuse to wander off and shoot him in the head?! That's all you really want right, an excuse so you can… "

She seemed to catch what she was saying in her throat and her lower lip shook as her eyes grew full with tears. Knowing deep down that her friend was half-right, Ymir slowly shook her head.

"I'm sorry, Sash, I didn't mean… that's not more important to me than you, I just… "

Knowing that she had indeed avoided denying what she had been accused of, she pushed ahead, speaking in the softest voice she could manage.

"Sasha, what did he do to you?"

Shaking her head very slightly, Sasha's voice came out like a whisper.

"He… he… nothing, I… it was my fault, I was… I was the one who… who needed… I thought… "

" _It came down to me. I used him, in the midst of all that sadness… "_

"WHY does everyone blame… it's his FAULT, he's the one who… it doesn't matter what you did, it doesn't matter, what matters is that… "

Sasha grabbed her by her forearms, desperation leaking into her voice.

"Ymir, please! It doesn't matter how it happened, all I want is… "

She suddenly stopped talking as her face dawned with comprehension as though she had just thought of what it actually was that she wanted.

"I just want to go."

Tears leaked freely then from the corners of her eyes, and she lowered her head, ponytail falling against the side of her head as she began to shake. Ymir slowly sat next to her, holding her again as her mind raced. Her reignited fury towards Joe was barely under wraps, but she simply had to look at her friend who had been broken yet again to keep herself from storming off to find him and beat him to death.

 _I need to focus… she's coming with me and Historia when we leave._

The plan had formed and twisted again and again in her mind; she had been putting money aside since she had started gotten together with Historia and had begun working for Hange and there was a tremendous amount of funds available in an account only known to her. As soon as the three of them were far enough away, she would be able to dip into that laundered cash and begin rebuilding their lives. It was a stupidly simple plan and one that she knew could fail in a myriad of ways. But it was all she found that she could force herself to focus on before she began to let anger begin to blind her.

"I know. So do we."

"Ymir… what are we going to do?"

Looking towards the wall as though expecting to see a window that revealed the night sky beyond, Ymir felt a strange sense of calm settle over her that she knew came from her mind coming to terms with something.

"Tomorrow night."

Sasha looked up at her with red eyes.

"Huh?"

Knowing that there was only one real roadblock left, but she knew now that there were no other options. She wasn't losing Sasha. She wasn't losing Ilse. And she sure as shit wasn't losing Historia.

"Tomorrow night, we're getting out of here."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Marching through the compound that late at night, Joe didn't think he had much of a shot of finding Zeke, but on only the second corner he turned, looking for someone who could point him in the right direction, he ran smack into who he was looking for. They both gave a brief start and Joe gave a smile as Zeke adjusted his glasses.

"Sorry, didn't mean to spook you."

Zeke shook his head in his usual tired fashion.

"Not a problem. You need something?"

Somehow, likely from the look on his face, Zeke had determined that Joe had wanted to speak to him. He cut quickly to the chase.

"Time's up day after tomorrow."

Zeke continued walking and Joe fell into stride beside him.

"It is."

"And you believe that she'll be willing to give her and the baby up?"

He was expecting a confident reply, or one that was very much doubtful, but Zeke's voice echoed with nothing beyond polite resignation.

"It hardly matters what she intends to do."

This gave Joe reason to pause. Whatever Zeke's reasoning for that statement, there was an ominous edge to it that Joe knew he wasn't ready to elaborate on. Regardless, it mattered little to him what the deeper meaning behind the older man's words were.

"How's the kid been?"

"Starting to get a little antsy, as far as Reiner can tell. Wants to see his parents… we're lucky that there he didn't have a better relationship with him, or the little bastard would be bouncing off the walls."

Joe nodded, knowing he needed to be very careful about how he pursued this.

"Do you… have a plan on what you're going to do with him?"

Zeke removed his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"I honestly don't know… there's nothing I think that could lead to anything remotely beneficial, now that we now Kenny isn't top dog, like we thought… maybe it would be better to just… "

He suddenly seemed to realize how he had been rambling and furrowed his brow, giving Joe a look.

"Why do you ask?"

Playing it off as casually as he was able, Joe shrugged, keeping his eyes forward.

"Just curious."

He didn't look back to see if Zeke was still watching him suspiciously, doing so would have been as much a giveaway as anything. He took it as a good sign that Zeke didn't push him on the matter.

"I'd recommend staying away from Ymir. I saw her walking around the halls looking hell-bent on something or some other."

Joe almost wanted to track her down and confront her; the confidence and arrogance that had been blistering inside him for the better part of two weeks smiled at the idea of a challenge, but Joe had work to do. He couldn't care less honestly what Ymir was up to.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"… and if Zeke or Reiner or Joe or whoever gets in the way, tries to stop us, whatever, I'm going to kill them."

Ymir hit what she believed was the final point in her argument as she watched her girlfriend intently. Historia was looking out the single window they had access to, rocking gently back and forth with Ilse in her arms. The infuriating amount of resigned passivity that had been seemingly the only emotion the blonde was capable of remained on her face, but Ymir wasn't necessarily here to win her over. She was here to inform, nothing else.

"Sasha comes with us?"

Ymir nodded aggressively.

"Yes."

Historia still wouldn't as much as look over, but again, Ymir didn't care. If she was going to fight back, now was the time she needed to do it. Otherwise, she was coming with Ymir before the passing of twenty-four hours and they were on the run. Waiting with bated breath for any kind of reaction, she crossed her arms, biting her lower lip.

As if the universe would fall out of balance if the world if she stopped rocking, Historia kept at what she was doing, Ilse looking over her shoulder, wide-eyed and innocent. Seconds turned into minutes as Ymir slowly began to wonder if the resignation the blonde seemed to be feeling extended to her current situation; this would do fine, Ymir didn't necessarily need her on board with the plan for it to work. After several minutes passed, Ymir turned to leave, willing to believe that she had done all she could, and all she needed.

"I've been thinking, Ymir."

She stopped, looking back sharply; Historia was still rocking, but there was now a strange resolve in her eyes that Ymir couldn't remember having ever seen before.

"What about?"

There was a lengthy pause before she received an answer.

"Since the last time we talked… and I told you that I couldn't leave here knowing that doing so could put people in danger. But how I also couldn't put Ilse in danger too by complying with what my father wanted."

Ymir nodded, even though Historia wasn't looking at her.

"I remember."

The blonde stopped rocking suddenly, her lower lip curling just slightly.

"You're right. I'm done trying to fix things for other people. Going along with what other's want."

She finally looked over and the resolve in her eyes had hardened.

"That's the way we always wanted it to be, right? Me and you?"

Hardly believing what she was hearing, Ymir felt herself slide against the wall to keep herself upright; her voice was quiet as she replied.

"Yes."

Historia nodded; the movement was jerky, but strong.

"I'm done. We leave tomorrow and we don't look back. We… "

For a moment, she wavered, and Ymir could see the wetness in her eyes that her girlfriend immediately tried to fight.

"We don't look back. We leave and we put it all behind us. I'm done."

Ymir stared into the eyes of the person she loved more than life itself, the numbness of her disbelief starting to clear. She still was shocked at this change of heart; had this been what had been raging in Historia's mind, for what had almost been two weeks now? Had she been thinking to what would happen if she threw away her life for others, leaving Ymir behind? It was something Ymir had wished would have been an obvious choice, but it was so like her blonde to want to help others, to keep them safe any way she could. But now, there was something else in her eyes, something that showed that she wasn't lying about what she said; she was ready to move on, in what would perhaps be the hardest step they would have to make.

"Okay."

"Okay."

The consent between them was passed between the two, mirrored words; righting herself shakily, Ymir nodded briskly and made for the door, eager to tell Sasha that the plan was going to move forward.

"I won't forgive myself Ymir, for what I did to you."

Ymir stopped with her fingers on the door handle.

"I wanted to kill myself for what I had done to you, and what it meant for our family."

Not able to bring herself to look back, Ymir swallowed hard.

"I'm not going to kill myself obviously, but I can manage the next best thing."

Turning slowly, Ymir found a creeping sensation in her stomach that told her exactly where this was going. And the fire in Historia's eyes confirmed it.

"I'm going to need to see Joe before we leave."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Kenny couldn't remember the last time he had felt so frightened and so furious in the same moment. Fear wasn't something he had been accustomed to feeling, not since his time working for the feds, and it definitely wasn't something he was comfortable feeling.

It had been almost two weeks since his son had been taken from him, the same amount of time that had passed between the meeting that had been held downtown. He was almost certain that Hange's people had somehow managed to slip in and fuck with him yet again, something he was sure wasn't going to be a problem anymore, but this was something else entirely. His son, the only thing in the world other than Carven he was truly afraid to lose was missing, with absolutely no word on whether or not he was alive or being held as a hostage. Carven had flown into a rage even more violent then his, and he had been forced to take her off his force until the matter was resolved; every chance she had gotten within twenty-four hours, she had been trying to slip off to hunt down anyone with any relation to who she believed may have taken her son, and that was something Kenny knew was going to raise red flags. She had cursed him with every foul word he had ever heard, but took solace in the fact that even if she was hurting because of this, at least she too could be safe.

Abel stood in front of him leaning against the wall, her arms crossed. She had been the first to fall victim to Kenny's fury, but after her report that the safe house had been heavily assaulted, with nothing she could do to stop the kidnapping, Kenny had to come to terms with the fact that it was his fault. He should have protected the location better, he should have assigned more guards, he should have done anything other than what he had. Maybe then this wouldn't have happened, and his anxiety wouldn't be at a crippling high at every waking hour.

And now…

"… I've been up to my fucking neck in shit for Reiss, I've been trying to deal with the fact that so many smaller traders are going out of their way to screw up this system, I'm on a twenty-four seven manhunt for my kid, and now… "

Abel sighed just before he exploded as though she was well aware it was coming.

"… NOW, THERE'S SOME BATMAN WANNABE MOTHERFUCKER RUNNING AROUND ASSAULTING MY MEN IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT! AS IF I DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH GODDAMN SHIT TO WORRY ABOUT… "

Voice cold and clean, Abel spoke through his rantings delicately.

"Any idea why?"

"NOT A FUCKING ONE OTHER THAN THIS PERSON JUST REALLY SEEMS TO WANT TO SEE HOW FAR I CAN GET FUCKING PUSHED BEFORE… "

As he continued to spout obscenities, Abel walked slowly around his office, looking to be deep in thought.

"They have anything in common?"

Breathing heavily, Kenny found himself relieved for the chance to actually apply some critical thinking to the situation.

"No… broken bones aside, no. They haven't admitted to having been questioned, which means either they're telling the truth, or they've all been ratting on us and can't fess up to it."

"You might be right then, maybe they just have some kind of vendetta against you."

Kenny leaned against his desk, teeth grit.

"No shit."

"Maybe they're trying to get your attention… they have actually been the ones who took… "

Abel winced as the realized the foolishness of her words as Kenny erupted once more.

"I SURE AS SHIT HOPE THIS FUCKER KNOWS HE'S GOT IT, THIS VIGILANTE FAGGOT BETTER SHOW HIMSELF IF HE WANTS TO BE KNOWN, I'LL FUCKING SHOW HIM EXACTLY WHAT… "

"Sir?"

Somehow, the voice managed to cut through his ranting, and he and Abel both turned to look at the door; peering around the edge of his door was his secretary, looking just as surprised as them.

"WHAT?!"

She winced as well.

"The, uh, 'vigilante faggot' you were speaking of?"

Kenny furrowed his brow.

"What about him?"

She pointed at his desk where the phone console was blinking a soft blue light up at them.

"He's on line one."


	59. Chapter 59

Raising a hand and snapping sharply, Kenny looked pointedly at his secretary who understood his meaning and backed quickly out of the door, closing it with a gentle click. Abel turned to him with a raised eyebrow as though she was expecting a similar reaction, but he ignored her; walking over to his desk, he fought back the furious lump that had grown in his throat as his knuckles pressed against the dark wood of his work station.

The only reason his aggravator would have to contact him would be to bargain, to strike a deal, as far as Kenny could guess. If this was a call only to gloat at his recent successes, it would only require a quick moment to bark off a violent threat and then hang up, and Kenny knew this person was smarter then doing that, if his ability to so effortlessly single out and assault his men had proven anything. What he was about to hear was likely a demand for some kind of payment, in return for the ceasing of the harassment of Kenny's men. Whether that was money, promise of immunity from the law, assistance, it hardly mattered. Finally, Kenny was going to be able to voice off with the person who was driving a dreadful thorn in his side. Pressing down on the receiver on his desk, he lifted the phone calmly to his ear, Abel looking on with interest and what could have been mocking amusement. He didn't say a word, but only needed to wait a few moments before words fell upon his ear.

"Do I have your attention?"

Smiling despite himself, Kenny slowly lowered himself into his chair.

"Only in so far as it remains pertinent to provide it."

"Mmm. I'm sorry about beating up your guys, but… I'll let you in on a little secret. They were doing bad things."

 _He likes to play with words._

"I was aware of no such going-ons, but rest assured, I'll be looking into it."

"Glad to hear. Now… do you prefer I call you Chief? Or Mr. Ackerman? Or… "

His temper already running dangerously high, Kenny cut over the cocky voice.

"You can call me what you like. If you've something to say, say it, but know that the entire time, I'm desperately thinking about killing you."

"That's really not a great way to further our relationship."

"Yeah, well, if you had approached me all business-like WITHOUT half-capping a small chunk of my men, you may have been able to find me in a much more amenable mood."

The stranger did not respond immediately, and Kenny decided to press his talking.

"So far as I see it, you've been heckling me in this way to get my attention to thus make me aware of your abilities and make your case that you are able to demand something in trade for you ceasing your bullshittery. Am I warm?"

"Heading in the right direction."

"So I'd appreciate you cut the crap and tell me what you want."

Another pause before the voice crackled back into Kenny's ear; some form of modulation was being used, keeping the voice from being too indiscernible, but enough to make sure that it was essentially impossible to identify the speaker beyond that he was male.

"We'll get to that. Knocking on your people was just a way to show you that I can make a lot of trouble for you beyond what I already have. But I have something I think you might want along with my concession to quit knocking their heads together."

Kenny barely refrained from snorting.

"I don't need your help and would hardly consider offering you work after what you've done, if that's what you're getting at."

"Well… you say that."

"And what is it specifically that you believe I want from you?"

"Uh well, he's about four feet and a bit, brown hair, nice blue eyes, and a real bit of hyperactivity. And he ADORES video games."

All at once, a very frightening dryness settled in Kenny's throat. Abel's eyebrows furrowed as she watched the change in his expression. When he spoke again, his voice was softer and on the verge of cracking.

"Yeah… I'm gonna need that."

"Okay, there we go, now we can get somewhere."

The quickness of how Kenny's anger had disappeared would have likely surprised him if he hadn't been so shaken. His son had just been described to a t, and while he wanted more proof then that, there was something about this stranger that told him he wasn't lying.

"Who are you?"

"If I wanted you to know, I wouldn't be distorting my voice right now."

He hadn't expected an actual answer, but it still gave him cause to grind his teeth anyway. Abel had clearly caught on to the fact that something very serious had come up and had taken a seat in the chair opposite his desk, arms crossed and waiting patiently. Wetting his lips, Kenny moved forward cautiously, though so much of him wanted nothing more than scream death threats at this person.

"I suppose there's no way to persuade you to just give him back?"

"Define persuasion."

"I let you live."

A sharp laugh echoed over the receiver.

"Funny choice of an offer, but I don't really want to live. Not necessarily anyway."

Rubbing his temple, Kenny closed his eyes.

"What do you want then?"

"Two things. Firstly, a face to face."

"Alright. And second?"

"An inordinate amount of money."

"How much?"

"Five million bucks."

Leaning back, Kenny blew out a sigh.

"Funnily enough, I don't have that kind of money lying around."

"I'd suggest looking under your couch cushions."

"You're asking me to do a wire transfer."

"Boy, you figured that out quick."

Ignoring the insult, Kenny rotated his shoulder gently.

"That will bring up too many red flags, that kind of traffic."

"I once was part of a deal that moved a total of almost sixty million dollars, and you're telling me five million is going to get you in trouble with your boss?"

So he knew about Reiss. Kenny began rattling through all the possible candidates of who this person could be as he replied in a measured voice.

"If it was a deal between multiple organizations that involved moving a heavy amount of product, then I don't doubt that. But you're asking for this money to go a single person, and yes, that will bring attention I don't need."

Before the stranger could reply, Kenny attacked with a counteroffer, one that he hoped would be amenable.

"I can do a transfer of a million and then bring another million to our meeting."

A short pause betrayed that his opponent was considering.

"I'm sure I can find one of your competitors who can meet my price."

"And I'm sure that there's cats that can paint cars, but I haven't seen one."

The longest pause yet, caused Kenny to only be aware of the pounding in his chest.

"Fair enough. Expect a call within an hour or so."

And he hung up without another word. Kenny held the receiver to his ear for several more seconds as he tried to wrap his head around what he had heard.

"So?"

He looked to Abel who was watching him expectedly. For a moment, he considered just telling her. Then, he shook his head slowly.

"Later."

Without putting the receiver back down, he punched a button to put him through to his secretary.

"Get me the bank."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Joe put the phone down slowly, taking a deep breath. It didn't seem that Kenny had recognized who he was, and less that he was going to fight him on the deal. The demand for money was hopefully enough to distract him until Joe actually got to see him face to face and tell him what he really wanted. Until then, it appeared that it had gone well enough.

"He agree?"

Looking to Jean who had been standing nervously in a corner, Joe nodded.

"Enough to know he'll be more than happy to meet up."

Despite this marginal success, Jean looked more perplexed then anything. He chewed the inside of his mouth as he crossed his arms.

"You really think you'll be able to get away with this? That he's actually going to agree with what you're going to ask of him?"

Joe should have felt nervous, but only a hard determination flowed through him.

"I can only gamble that he cares enough about his son to come through. He sounded relatively anxious on the phone, so here's hoping that's a good sign… "

He trailed off, already allowing his mind to program all possible exchanges that could happen when he went to meet with the man who he more or less blamed for all of his hardships. It was over a minute before Jean spoke again, temporarily relieving Joe of his mental hunting.

"Is… there anything else you need me to do?"

Joe looked at him appraisingly. Jean, someone who Joe had met with the assumption that this was someone who didn't take well to being ordered around by others, was looking at him expectantly, as though ready for his next assignment.

 _In a way, he's as whipped as I am._

"I don't think so."

Jean nodded and turned to the door.

"Wait."

The thought crossed Joe's mind as swiftly as a bolt of lightning, an idea boiling instantly. Jean stopped with his hand on the door, turning back to look at him.

"Could you find Alex for me?"

Looking briefly as though he was readying himself to ask for a reason, Jean surprised Joe by nodding silently and stepping out of the room and setting off in search of the elusive computer genius. Joe listened to his footsteps fade against the tiles of the hallway before tossing the disposable cell phone onto his bed and leaning back, closing his eyes.

Figuring out how to sneak out of the compound at night to stalk the town had been simple enough, with the only obstacle being persuading Bertholdt to turn a blind eye during his watch of the cameras and allowing him and Jean to borrow one of the cars in use by Zeke's business. Joe had been prepared to threaten with everything he could muster, but Jean had asked to speak to Bertholdt in private before Joe attempted anything that drastic and not fifteen minutes later, Bertholdt had been ready and willing to assist however he could. Joe had never asked Jean what he had said that had worked so effectively, but he didn't inherently care, as it hardly mattered. They had availability to leave when they wanted, and that was all Joe needed.

 _All I need._

He reflected on how quiet it had become since Dust had been eliminated. No more was he hearing mocking tones poking fun at his weakness, and no more was he being tempted or coerced into engaging in acts that he didn't want to be a part of. He was acting now for himself and for what he cared about, no longer with a fear of what others would think of his choices. Fear remained, but it was no longer for himself. He preferred it that way.

 _If only… if only I had done this sooner._

Grinding his teeth, he tried to ignore the "what-ifs" that swirled in his mind, but they attacked with a vigor he couldn't turn away from. He thought of if only he had not allowed Dust to take revenge for him at the homestead, if he had not listened to Dust's order to act despite the fatal danger to Frieda, if he had only been able to be in control for all these moments that had turned such painful consequences.

 _Mina…_

He had failed, again and again, trying to do the right thing, and he knew now that he couldn't do right by all the people he wished to. Now, he could only do right by himself.

"Joe."

Hearing his name stated, he rubbed his eyes before leaning back opening them. As he saw her standing stalwart in the entrance to his room, he felt a sad smile crawl onto his face. He hadn't seen this coming, but he wasn't inherently surprised to be staring down the barrel of a pistol.

"Hey, Historia."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The only thing that she could truly identify was the grey that seemed to encompass her world. It wasn't grey in regards to the color itself, but it was the best way she could pick out the way she was feeling, and the way the world felt to her.

She was numb to the smell, she was numb to the pain, and she was numb to her agony. It all remained, but she found it didn't remain as something she really cared about anymore.

Her father hadn't visited in a longer period then he normally took, and she wondered if he had grown bored with what he had been putting her through as the days had turned into weeks. She was aware of someone coming to administer her with certain sorts of remedies and medical attention, likely to keep her from dying or going insane.

 _Am I already insane?_

She clung to the only thought that she believed was keeping her from going over the edge, that somehow, some way, Joe would come through the door, sweep her up, and take her away. The hope had very slowly grown stale, though the fierce belief never left her. It was all she had.

 _Am I worth saving?_

She tried to focus only on the times they had spent in true love with each other, those tender moments that always managed to give her a joyous burning in her heart, but when she thought to them, they always led to other moments, the ones she would do anything to erase.

 _Am I worth anything?_

The more she thought about it, she knew she had manipulated him, forced him into a life he was hesitant to approach, she had pushed him into doing things he surely didn't want. And beyond him, she thought to the relationships that she had destroyed, to Ymir and Sasha, friends she had known since high school that her conceit, greed, and delusion had torn an impassable gap between.

 _He's all I have._

And still, she couldn't even be sure that he would want to save her. Would he rather run off with Florian, Sasha and the rest, leave her and her aggression and violence behind? Could she blame him if he did? A tear hit the ground by her feet.

 _I wouldn't._

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Historia was only halfway through congratulating herself on maintaining calm before Joe put her on the defensive, looking obnoxiously at ease with the situation.

"You are to be my executioner, then?"

Pushing the door to be as closed as possible without actually turning the knob, she stepped into the room.

"For now, I'm just making sure you don't go anywhere."

He let out a single-syllable laugh through closed lips.

"If you had wanted to talk, you certainly didn't need to come and hold me at gunpoint."

Not wavering, she sat down slowly on his bed.

"Maybe not."

She said no more beyond that and silence fell as they stared into each other's eyes, cheaters and manipulators alike. Not for the first time, Historia shook her head gently as she was struck by the fact that the young man sitting across from her, who had added both joy and misery to her life, was the father of her child. It had stopped being surprising, but it was no less a dominating blow.

 _If only…_

"When was the last time we talked?"

His smile widened slightly.

"Just the two of us?"

She nodded.

"Just the two of us."

Crossing his legs, he looked upward, looking to be in the midst of digging through his memory.

"I suppose we talked briefly on our hike out the forest, even if that was pretty much just you telling me that I was dirt."

She bristled.

"I said I wouldn't forgive you for what happened to Frieda."

"Yeah, did I not just say that?"

Withholding her simmering anger towards him, she tried to bring herself to a calmer state.

"Do you remember when we talked about what had happened between you and Mikasa at the station?"

Chuckling, he nodded.

"Back when I couldn't muster the damn balls to even talk about it?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah, I could never forget those weeks… is she gonna kill me, is she gonna kiss me… ? Weird part of my life."

The memory she had successfully roused hadn't seemed to have any effect on him, so she moved to another attempt.

"When you held Ilse… after you took her away when you were keeping her… did you feel anything?"

Grinning, he raised an eyebrow.

"You're asking me if I felt some kind of parental connection towards her?"

"You're saying you didn't?"

"No, she was your child in my eyes and I took care of her as I deemed was safest."

Observing him carefully, she realized that what she had secretly hoped had changed, hadn't.

"You still… don't have any desire… any pull to be her father?"

He shook his head.

"You're her mother. Ymir is your partner. She's all yours."

"And by that right, wouldn't you have just as much claim to her as me?"

His smile faltered, becoming more of a mask then anything.

"What do you want me to say?"

Resting the bottom of the gun's grip on her knee, she stared at him, trying to find even the slightest glimpse of what she wanted to find in him.

"I want to know that it's still you. The Joe I met in Hange's office forever ago would never… you would've given a shit."

"Doing what I thought was best to protect the baby doesn't count as giving a shit?"

No amount of caring could be found in his voice and Historia began to believe that she wasn't going to get what she wanted; pointing a gun at him, bringing up memories good and bad, and accusing him of his own heartlessness; there was nothing that had made him slip into a familiar guise. Nothing to make her believe that he was still there. As she remembered his awkward smiles and jokes, his persona of being a little brother to the rest of them, and his despicable amount of selflessness, pain lanced through her heart as she could find none of this in who she was looking at now.

"What… "

Her voice cracked on the first word, and she mentally cursed herself; if she showed him that kind of weakness now, he would take her apart.

"What happened to you?"

His smile disappeared and he stared at her with a very serious look in his eyes.

"I grew up."

Those three words ignited a memory of something she had been informed of only very recently, and anger bubbled up almost immediately; she was grateful for the sudden rush of emotion, it gave her something to focus on.

"Rape counts as growing up?!"

His only response was to blink slowly, clearly waiting for her to explain her outburst. Historia took a deep breath, staring back at him venomously.

"Ymir told me about Sasha."

He nodded slowly.

"Yeah, I assumed that wouldn't stay under wraps long."

His continued casual attitude was enough to almost bring her back to her feet.

"Is it true?! What she said?!"

He regarded her calmly, offering a shrug.

"What'd she say?"

"That you and Mikasa raped Sasha!"

Saying it out loud shook her to the core as even the possibility was enough to make her sick, and she prayed he would deny it, even if only because it would give her something to grip as she tried to deny it herself. Slowly, as her words finished ringing off the compact walls of his room, she watched his face slip into something that could be considered hidden frustration. Leaning forward, he propped his elbows on his knees, massaging his head while he grit his teeth.

"I find if funny… how she has so thoroughly managed to make my life the more amazing and more hideous then I ever could have imagined."

This didn't constitute an answer, but Historia knew that he wasn't done talking regardless. His eyes glazed slightly as he looked blankly towards the ground.

"Now that I really stop and think about it, all my best memories and all my worst can be traced back to her. Well, relatively."

He looked up swiftly then, and she had to refrain from jumping.

"You want to know what happened? I was just lying in a bed a couple weeks ago, minding my own damn business and recovering, when Sasha pokes her head in."

Historia found herself caught up between trying to pay close attention to what he was saying and deciding whether or not what he was saying could even be trusted.

"She starts freaking out and crying out of nowhere, and I try and calm her down. She stops spazzing for a few seconds, long enough to walk over to my bed, lean down and kiss me."

This was something Ymir hadn't mentioned, and as Historia blinked in surprise at this possible revelation, she realized that she had only gotten this story from one source, that source being someone who hadn't been there.

 _I should have gone to Sasha…_

"… and then she breaks off and Mikasa comes over, and I'm thinking she's about to get her ass kicked, but what does she do, SHE kisses Sasha and starts feeling her up and… "

His blithe storytelling dropped into a more perplexed tone as he paused briefly.

"… and it moved forward from there. Sasha didn't… I don't think she particularly fought it… neither did I. I think we were both a little shocked, and definitely a little shit-your-pants scared."

As Historia processed what he said, she tried with difficulty to suppress something that was encroaching slowly in her thoughts.

 _Isn't that… what I did to him?_

Joe was leaning forward now, eying her carefully.

"And you said… Ymir told you this. Which means Ymir found out… from Sasha."

Historia felt a rush of protectiveness and she straightened her back.

"Don't get angry at her, she had to tell someone."

"Oh? I have to wonder if that's something… "

With a bang, the door to Joe's room was slammed inward and smashed into the wall as it swung open. Historia let out a short scream and turned her gun involuntarily towards the door as Joe rose halfway to his feet.

Sasha stood in the doorway looking frighteningly determined, breathing heavily as though she had run a long distance. Seemingly oblivious to Historia, she looked at Joe with an intense fervor.

"We need to talk."

Joe raised his eyebrows, still half-standing from his chair.

"Yeah, get in line."

Sasha looked around and her gaze found Historia who had experienced the forethought to tuck her gun behind her. Swallowing, she looked very much like she was about to demand that the blonde exit the room, but as her mouth opened, no words came out.

Sasha bit her lower lip, breathing still coming in labored, gaze returning to Joe.

"We need to talk."

He lowered himself back into his chair, looking bothered by the amount of traffic that was coming into his room; he made no attempt to hide his grumbling.

"Yeah, so I've heard."

Historia got to her feet, suddenly feeling very purposeless and out of place.

"I can go, I don't need… "

"No."

Joe had suddenly gotten to his feet, an angry look in his eyes. Walking to the door, he quickly stepped out and ushered Sasha into the room, pulling the door shut behind him.

"Clearly there's a few things that need to be discussed. Let's not dilly dally; I have a feeling this may be the last time we see each other."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Florian sat up wearily as the door to her room swung open.

 _Cell, more like._

As expected, it wasn't her sister she saw waiting for her, whom she hadn't seen since they had arrived at the building positioned on a hilly plateau, but the man who came to take her to the bathroom, deliver her food and drink, and take her dishes when she was done. It hadn't been difficult to grow resentful as the days ticked by, but restlessness and a sense of betrayal were beginning to take over.

 _Was Joe right? Did he know that I was going to be taken and held as a prisoner by my own sister?_

"Eat up."

Same old few syllable commands that she had grown used to. The food was little, and she had also gotten used to the feeling of being constantly hungry.

 _Maybe she's trying to starve me._

She flinched as the door slammed shut and she pulled her lacking tray towards her. She froze as she made to begin biting at her meager pickings, eyes glazing as her mind took her back only a month ago as she remembered working busy hours every day at Pixis's bar and coming home to argue with her sister, staying up late and wishing for life to come along to intervene in the purgatory she was dealing with day to day.

 _Was that really so bad?_

Keeping her tears at bay, she ate.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Sasha straightened, fingers digging into her pants as she anxiously watched Joe return to his chair.

"What do you mean?"

He shook his head as he sat.

"Don't give me that crap. If you crazy kids aren't trying to get the hell out of here tonight, then I'm not half as good an eavesdropper as I thought."

Historia felt her throat tighten and she scooted slightly along the bed to come to bring her thigh touching Sasha's.

"That's none of your business."

His eyes widened as he gave her an incredulous look.

"Isn't it? Didn't you just come in here with the hope that I would hold some sort of fatherly connection to that baby in the other building? Wouldn't it be absolutely my business if you were going to run off with her?"

She met his challenging gaze unflinchingly.

"You just told me you want nothing to do with her."

Waving a hand, he leaned back.

"Yeah, well, whatever. Not a big deal. But you guys are bouncing, correct?"

Hesitating, Historia proceeded carefully; she didn't think that even with him like this, Joe would rat them out, but she wasn't taking any chances, not with everything Ymir had been doing to prepare this.

"And if we are?"

He gave her a hard look before breaking into a smile, clearly just trying to get a rise out of her.

"Go for it. I won't be sticking around much longer either… I've got things to do, places to be, and being cooped up here isn't getting that done."

Historia did her best to believe he was telling the truth, but decided to push him anyway.

"Oh? And what do you have planned?"

"Maybe a jailbreak or two… start a civil war perhaps… and snag a little revenge while I'm at it."

It wasn't hard to guess at what he was referring to for each of his points and she did not have a hard time feeling relieved it wasn't something she was going to be a part of. Next to her, Sasha squirmed slightly and a stab of pity hit her.

"Joe?"

He turned his gaze to her as though he had forgotten she was there.

"Oh yeah, you wanted something too, yes?"

The brunette spilled the words before he had even finished speaking.

"Come with us."

He looked at her carefully as the smile on his face became a ghost of what it had been previously; Historia swore violently in her head.

 _Sash, what the fuck are you doing…_

But she could only look to her friend with wild eyes as she and Joe kept their eyes locked.

"You want me to come with you."

Historia refrained from shaking her head as Sasha nodded.

"You're suggesting that I leave behind Hange, who we know is alive, her sister, who we know is alive, and Mikasa, who we know is alive, to skip town and run away safely with the group of you."

Sasha nodded even more fervently which seemed to confuse him slightly.

"Just… leave them to the wolves so we can dip safely… really."

There was a frighteningly intense look on Sasha's face and Historia found herself wondering if she was of sound mind.

 _Wouldn't surprise me if she wasn't._

"I… I hate the idea of leaving them behind… Hange most of all, we assumed she was dead for so long… but you can't honestly tell me you have a chance in hell of getting them out. You don't know where they are, you are one man against God knows how many… "

Cutting her off, he narrowed his eyes.

"If Ilse was still alive… if she was being held by them and there was even a ONE percent chance she could be saved, would you be telling me this shit right now?"

It took only a second of silence to know that Sasha had no answer for what he had just proposed and the tears that began to slide down her cheeks proved her fear and her desperation. She didn't agree with leaving any of them behind, but she had no answers either.

"You have to come with us."

He replied with a short emotionless laugh.

"Why?"

"You… you have to be there for your kid."

As he turned his head to look at the wall and wet his lips, Historia could sense his frustration.

"Ilse belongs to Historia and Ymir, she is their child, and I have no desire to come between that or interfere by way of… "

"I'm not talking about Ilse."

Her voice had steadied, but a manic look remained in her eyes; he returned his gaze to her, brow furrowed.

"What in the hell are you… "

Historia could see the exact moment where it clicked into place, and for the first time since they had arrived at the compound, she could see a flash of panic in his eyes.

"No."

Sasha continued to stare him down, seeming to find courage in the way she had forced him into such a corner. He looked back for several seconds as though waiting for her to shout "April Fools!" before getting to his feet and beginning to pace, despite the limited space he had.

"No… no, no, no… "

He cracked then and slung a foot into the wall, swearing loudly and turning away; Sasha got to her feet then, relentless.

"You can't run from this the way you ran from Historia and Ilse!"

Spinning to face her, he growled in return.

"I didn't RUN, I didn't KNOW!"

Cheeks still wet with tears, Sasha shook her head.

"It doesn't matter. This has happened, whether or not either of us wanted it to."

He opened and closed his mouth silently for a moment before inclining his head and speaking in a calmer, but no less emotional tone.

"You… you're sure that you're… ?"

Her reply was barely a whisper.

"Yes."

Groaning, he moved back to the wall, leaning his arms against it and lowering his head. Historia had grown extremely tense, still sitting on the bed and wishing very much that she wasn't in the room to witness what was happening, but knowing she couldn't leave Sasha alone with Joe; she couldn't believe he would hurt her, but she wasn't taking any chances.

"Do you remember what I told you? Before we left the cabin?"

Sasha had straightened, tears no longer flowing, and Historia realized that she was slowly taking control. She had known Joe to be in situations like this before, and he was always the one to back down and submit.

"Yeah."

"What'd I say?"

He didn't answer, but it didn't dishearten her.

"I said that you won't be able to make up for what you did… but that you have to try."

He was back in her face immediately.

"And saving three people, that's not making up?!"

"You're not saving any of them for them, Joe, you're saving them for you!"

"You can't prove that."

"I don't have to."

He walked over to the chair and placed its hands on the backrest.

"Sash, I can't."

"Yes, you can."

"I'm not leaving them behind."

"If I had asked you to come with us without you knowing I was pregnant, would you have?"

He waited a second too long.

"No."

Sasha exploded.

"YOU'RE SUCH A COWARD! YOU NEVER TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANYTHING, YOU RUN, YOU DEFLECT, YOU DENY, ALL SO THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH WHAT YOU'VE DONE!"

To Historia's surprise, he didn't shout back, but he didn't back down either.

"Keep your voice down."

"GO TO HELL! TWO BABIES AND YOU WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH EITHER OF THEM, BECAUSE IT'S _INCONVENIENT_ , BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT, EVEN THOUGH THEY'RE YOUR FUCKING FAULT!"

"You're making me sound like a rapist."

"YOU SURE AS SHIT AREN'T A VICTIM!"

Unbelievably, he smiled gently, though his voice ran jagged.

"So what, I just sat back both times for the ride? I just enjoyed having sex with you and Historia? I wasn't drunk and manipulated out of my mind one time, and scared shitless the other?"

Sasha drew in breath to likely bellow at him further, but he continued.

"I'm not going to sit here and deflect as you accuse me of doing, but neither of those instances was solely my fault, and you can stop pretending that it was."

When Sasha spoke again, her voice was raised, but the shouting had at least subsided.

"And just because there were other factors, you have the right to just leave me and her to deal with half your mistake?"

"Don't turn this into a yes or no question, it's not that simple."

"But you're saying no."

Her voice cracked and the fight began to leak out of her.

"I can't… I can't do this by myself Joe, I… I know you love Mikasa, but… "

"You should have thought of that before kissing me in full view of my psychopath of a girlfriend."

Historia looked up sharply at this criticism and could see her shock reflected on Sasha's face as well; he seemed amused at their expressions.

"What? You think I don't know that she's got a screw loose? I know."

Hearing him say this about Mikasa was enough to render both of them speechless as Joe's smile became flat.

"I also know that she's been raised, beaten and raped by a man posing as her father for her entire life and has suffered further and similar abuse at the hands of many others as the years have gone by. I'd probably have a few issues if I had been forced to deal with that too."

He shrugged matter-of-factly.

"And that's why I need to save her. Because I know that I bring her happiness. I'm not trying to sound conceited, but that's just the way it is. So I'm going to save her and give her what I can by way of happiness. Since life has seen fit to give her very little."

Sasha nodded slowly, though her words echoed no such acceptance.

"And you'll leave me alone with your child?"

Joe turned back to the wall, completely hiding his face from view, but before he did, Historia could see the pain lance across his face and she knew that regardless of whatever mask he was wearing, he still cared.

"I'd rather you stop phrasing it as though that's what I want to do."

"I don't know how else I can put it."

He sighed through his nose, body slumped.

"Sash… do you remember what you said… after you told me I had to try?"

She nodded breathlessly even though his back remained to her.

"And what I said back?"

For that, she found her voice.

"Yes."

His voice was low and cool, but his words boiled with emotion.

"I still mean it."

He heaved in a long breath.

"I can't promise anything… I can't even predict what could come of this… but if when I find where they're being held and I go there and… if there's nothing for me to save… I'll be there. And if I succeed, I'll settle with what I have and then, no matter what she thinks, I'll be there."

He bowed his head and Historia wondered if there were tears in his eyes.

"For you."

The wetness returned to Sasha's eyes and it became clear that she hadn't expected this; her face still reflected the betrayal she felt, but there was no longer immediate rage present.

"I'm sorry this had to happen to you."

He turned and looked to Historia who saw that his eyes were dry and cool.

"To BOTH of you. But this is what we've been dealt. This is the way it is. And frankly, I don't have much time anymore for moping."

He looked at her for a moment before smiling again.

"Now, are you going to shoot me?"

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"It seems you wanted to see me?"

It was only a few minutes after Historia and Sasha had left that Jean returned with Alex. It was enough for Joe to sit in silence and consider what he had just promised and wondering if he had told the truth.

 _Even if… this doesn't pan out… will I really go through with that?_

He tried to think of what would be required of him in raising a child; legally, he was dead and he couldn't begin to imagine what would come of him trying to exist as a father while existing essentially as a ghost. It was difficult to think about, so Joe chose to ignore it for the time being.

Elusive as always, even in general captivity, the thin, pale man didn't look at all pleased to have been summoned as abruptly. As Jean pushed him in and closed the door, Joe didn't even bother putting on the masking smile he had worn while talking to Historia and Sasha.

"Yes, possibly for the last time."

Sitting across from him, Alex crossed his arms.

"And what is it you want?"

Joe leaned back and looked at the upset and nervous man carefully.

"You know that I had a roommate named Alex?"

"Oh?"

"Mmhmm. He was a noisy asshole, but he had a good heart."

"And what's he up to these days?"

"Pushing up daisies soon as spring rolls around, I would imagine."

Watching Alex's face pale caused him to chuckle.

"He saw something he shouldn't have, and was about as close to threatening to go the police as he was able. I knew that he was too much of a risk so I knocked him off while he was out by himself."

He raised a hand and gave a casual wave.

"Don't you worry though, I'm not gonna kill you or anything, not drawing any analogies or anything."

Looking unconvinced, Alex wet his lips.

"Then what do you want?"

Joe put his hands on his knees, adopting a serious expression.

"By the end of the night, myself and everyone I arrived with will either be dead or gone."

Alex's expression didn't change, but his breathing slowed noticeably.

"Jean and I will be leaving to attempt to free the few of us that were taken and imprisoned, while the girls will be running off to who knows where."

Fidgeting in his seat, Alex looked around as though expecting someone else was watching.

"I'm assuming… our host is unaware of either of these flights."

"Yes, he is."

"And… might I ask why you are telling me?"

Joe shrugged.

"In case you want to use the distraction of everyone taking off to leave yourself."

Alex nodded slowly and Joe wondered if he believed him.

"Will that be all?"

 _No problem, dude, offering you a way out was my pleasure._

"Yeah, just one."

This was something that had been biting at him for a while, and he was keen to have an answer.

"When we talked before, you told me that the man who Mikasa believes to be her father is not."

"I did."

"I'd like to know how you know, and if you know who… "

Quickly, Alex shook his head.

"I haven't a clue to her true parentage, all I know are things about the man posing."

Disgruntled at this revelation, Joe took it in stride.

"Alright. How and what do you know about him?"

There was a lengthy pause and Joe imagined Alex digging for lies to feed him.

"I've done many illegal things online… sold drugs, worked out deals, and acted as a proxy for many. Most of this took place on the dark web, and as I worked further and deeper, I found my way into industries that were far too extreme for anything I wisehd to be involed in. But I… I had found ways to spy. I look in on the lives of others. Observing things that were covered up, looking into illegal dealings that could make headlines across the country… I don't know why, I just couldn't help myself."

He was talking like a man speaking of drugs and Joe imagined that may have been an apt comparison.

"That's how I came across Kenny Ackerman's brother. He "works" with a group of elitist men posing as businessmen, who work in the business of making… well, torture porn. From what I can gather, they're easier to make and sell then snuff films as they attract less attention, raise fewer red flags. He… "

The nerves had returned clearly to his face.

"I caught him in talks a while ago, sending emails between him and a man who was requesting a very elaborate and particular snuff film. As far as I know, Ackerman has made few if any, but… this guy was offering a lot of money. Snuff films don't have a large industry, obviously, but the market is huge."

He looked to the door as though making sure that the door was still there.

"They had been apparently in talks for years for Ackerman to produce him such a film."

Joe realized he knew the answer to his question as he asked it, but he knew he still needed to hear it.

"Who were the victims in the film?"

"I… I think you know."

Joe crossed his arms, attempting to wrap his head around the implications of what he was hearing.

"So… that film was never made."

"Not yet."

Pushing himself quickly to his feet, Joe looked to Alex, suddenly wishing very much to be alone.

"Alright. Thank you."

Hardly looking to be opposed to being asked to leave, Alex got up silently and went to the door. He stopped with his hand moving towards the knob as though pondering whether or not to say something further. Then, he pushed out of the room and disappeared down the hallway.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Sighing, Ymir went through her plan for the hundredth time. It reminded her of the time she had spent at the cabin, masterminding a plan that never came to fruition. The difference between the two plans was that the one she had come up with formerly had several contingencies in case problems arose. This plan hinged on a single factor, or specifically, two of them.

Reiner and Bertholdt and their sympathies were the only things she would be able to rely on. All she needed to do was convince them to allow them to leave under the radar of Zeke by whatever means necessary, nothing more. She knew that if she was able to convince Reiner, Bertholdt would likely follow in his footsteps. She didn't want to use Historia as leverage to convince Reiner, in the hopes he still harbored romantic feelings for her despite what he had said, but she wasn't willing to rule anything out if it meant they would be able to leave safely.

" _There is a lot of hate inside you, Ymir. I can sense it. But… don't let it become who you are. You're a better person than that."_

She still thought with disbelief to the way Reiner had spoken to her, the softness and delicacy of his words. There was that side to him, she knew it, she just had to tap into that.

She leaned back and allowed her mind to rest momentarily as she closed her eyes and listened to the beautiful melody that was flowing through the air. Historia had returned from speaking with Joe and while she had refused to speak on it, there was a strange sense of calm that Ymir found relieving about her demeanor. She was currently in the front room, singing softly to a sleeping Ilse and soothing Ymir just as much as the baby. She wanted very badly to know what had been said between her and Joe, but she imagined that some words had been exchanged that perhaps had put an end to their relationship.

 _Or mended it._

She cursed herself for even considering such a paranoid thought and stood. When they had escaped and left this all behind, she could worry about such petty thoughts. For now, she had a job to do.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The meeting place was secluded and isolated, well outside cell reception or the wandering gaze of hikers, campers or passing drivers. The only landmark noticeable was a rotted and abandoned wooden cabin that grew with decay and rot. One party already stood next to the car he had driven there in. He enjoyed the quiet that surrounded him, reveling in the pure silence of nature before the engine of a second vehicle came into earshot.

The second car drove up and parked a dozen or so meters away. The door opened and closed, the second party walking to close the distance. Two men, one younger, one older, stared at each other, neither bothering to disguise their hate for the other. Then, they began to speak, deciding the fate of many a person, who was to live, and who was to die.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

 **AN: I can't express how sorry I am for this unplanned and undesirable hiatus… in short, the past few months have been extremely difficult and I haven't been in a proper state to write well enough to do my stories the justice I'd like to give them. I'm back to writing though, and will be back to updating regularly. My other story will be being updated as well, though less frequently; I've found that writing two stories simultaneously has occasionally resulted in detraction in quality from both. I don't want to put either on hold until the other is finished, I just will direct more focus towards this as it is closer to being finished…. Again, extremely sorry for this lengthy hiatus, particularly to the chunk of you who hit me with PM's, asking what the hell's been taking so long. Aiming to be back on track…**


	60. Chapter 60

"Florian."

Recognizing the voice deepened by maturity, Florian sat up straight in bed, looking with sharpness towards the door to her room. Abel stood in the entrance looking both disgruntled and concerned. She said nothing more, simply remained there with crossed arms as though waiting for a particular reaction. Initially, Florian had no desire to appease that, but the betrayal and anger pushed past this.

"How long has it been? Two weeks? Three?"

Turning her eyes upward to consider, Abel scratched the back of her head.

"Two and a bit, I think."

Forced to fight down the colossal urge to scream furiously at her sister, Florian took several deep calming breaths.

"That was the deal you made with Joe? He hands me over so you can throw me in a cell and forget about me?"

"I had to make sure no one would catch on to the fact that you were here. Guy who's been taking care of you… "

Florian snorted.

"… he's the only one other than me who knows you're here, and it's cost me a pretty penny to keep it that way."

"Why bother? It sounded like our dad's only interest was in Historia and her baby… "

"I'm not taking any chances."

Trying to get some gauge on the motivations of her sister, Florian found herself drawing a blank.

"What if I don't care if he finds out? What's he going to do, kill me? What if I don't… "

Growling, Abel walked quickly over to Florian and grabbed her by the upper arm, forcing her to her feet. Surprised by the strength of her sister, Florian allowed herself to be pulled out of the room, down the hall and down several flights of stairs. She tried to mentally map the plain grey building for future reference, but too much of her was still reeling with shock at seeing her sister again and anger at what was being done to her.

The stairs spilled them out into a much darker hallway which Abel prevented her from entering briefly as she looked up and down the hallway, likely ensuring that they were alone. Then she pulled Florian to a thick looking metal door towards the end of the hallway. Leaning forward slightly, she seemed to stop to listen momentarily before undoing a heavy latch and swinging the door open.

The first thing that struck Florian was the smell; it was as though someone was making a hard effort to cover up a myriad of terrible smells. What could have been smells of defecation, vomit and blood seemed to be drowning under the overpowering stench of store bought cleaner and Florian had to wonder how dominating the reek would have been if not for the attempt to hide it.

"This is why I'm not taking any chances."

Light from the hallway beamed into the cramped cell as Abel spoke and Florian gave a tremendous involuntary shudder as she clapped a hand over her mouth.

The only occupant in the room sat on the only piece of furniture in the room; Mikasa looked to be strapped to the chair which was bolted to the floor. Her body was covered in slashes, bruises and burns and as Florian's wide eyes traveled over the terrible sight, she could see that there were parts missing; a toe here, a strip of flesh there. She made to back hastily out of the room, but Abel didn't allow her to retreat and instead dragged her deeper into the room. Reaching out, she grabbed Mikasa's matted hair and pulled her head up.

A defeated and empty face stared back at them, eyes unseeing, one of them almost swollen shut. Her face hadn't been allowed to heal after it had been damaged in the woods, and had been battered worse if anything. Despite herself, Florian opened her mouth in a whisper.

"… Mikasa?"

The eyes didn't focus and there was no evidence that she had been heard. Florian felt tears welling her eyes before Abel jerked her backwards into the hall, after which she closed the door loudly and brought Florian swiftly back to her room, shoving her inside.

"THAT is why I can't let him find out about you. There are sick, SICK people who take orders from him, who benefit from him."

There was a ravenous look in her eyes then that Florian couldn't determine stemmed from protectiveness or not.

"It's true he didn't seem to care much about you and that stands to reason that he wouldn't just hand you off to one of these people if he knew you were here."

Florian stared daggers at her sister.

"Let's find out."

"You know I can't let that happen."

There was a powerful desperation beginning to ramp up in Florian's gut.

"Abel, Frieda is dead because of our father's involvement in this world. We thought you and Historia had died because of the same reason, and now a girl is being tortured to death just downstairs and I don't know what the fuck you're doing here."

"You don't need to know what I'm doing here. In case you've forgotten, you're essentially my prisoner."

A humorless smirk crossed Abel's mouth and she made to leave; Florian felt herself unable to stop the short outburst that followed.

"THEN WHAT'S THE FUCKING POINT OF KEEPING ME HERE LIKE A PET SNAKE?! WHAT DO YOU FUCKING WANT?!"

Abel looked at her with fretful and furrowed eyes, as though her smirk a moment ago had been nonexistent.

"I… I don't… "

Getting ahold of herself, she stepped outside, slamming the door behind her. Florian sat down slowly onto her bed, pulling her knees up and pressing her head against them.

 _You don't know._

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"How'd it go?"

Jean had been pacing nervously at the entrance of Joe's room when the latter had returned; he shrugged.

"As far as I can tell, he was willing to go along with everything. Pretty pissed I hadn't brought the kid, but couldn't really do anything about it. He gave us the window of ten till eleven, and beyond that, we're on our own."

Looking marginally upbeat, Jean nodded as he processed these new developments.

"Alright, an hour should give us plenty of time to get in and get out."

Drumming his fingers on his knees, Joe moved to address an issue he had yet to bring up.

"About that… "

Jean hit him with a flat look.

"I know what you're going to say."

"And you don't… "

"I'm coming along. I'll be seeing this through to the end."

Not opposed to having an extra hand on what could be his final venture, Joe still was aware that he hadn't really given Jean a choice in helping and his necessity for being a part of this had expired. If he wanted to use this as an opportunity to escape, Joe didn't want to deny him that.

"Look, you've helped me moreover than what I needed or expected of you. You don't need to risk yourself on this, this is my fight now… kind of has been."

Watching him for several seconds, Jean slowly paced to one end of the room, leaning against the wall and regarding Joe with a strange look.

"Do you know why I got into this trade? Moving amounts of product and engaging in other illegal shit that could get me a fair few life sentences?"

Cursing in his head, Joe swallowed down his immediate regret; now was not the time to be sharing personal dealings, he had heard quite enough of that for one day.

"Why is that?"

"Because after high school, even after failing for four straight years, I still couldn't give up on her. After months of digging, it was easy to surmise what she had gotten herself into after we all walked our separate ways with diplomas, though it took months more of work before I finally walked across that meeting point to see you and her standing side by side, you remember?"

Of course he did; a simpler time it had seemed to be, a time where he had been frightened to hold a gun again after his first instance of taking the life of another. A time where he had been scared to ever raise his voice in a conversation, a time where he couldn't bring himself to say any of what he truly meant.

He nodded.

"That was what I believe would be something that could get me close to her again, and finally prove to her how committed I was to… having her. And then… "

A sour look crossed his face and Joe could see his fingers tighten on his arms.

"People started dying. People I knew. I remember hearing from Ilse that you had died, and I won't lie and say I wasn't a little inwardly pleased that you may have been out of the way, but… I encountered her under Hange's orders several times in the following months… and I couldn't believe how dead on her feet she seemed."

Rubbing his nose and looking to the ground, Joe tried not to cut Jean off rudely; he didn't even remotely want to hear this.

"You came back of course and seemed to bring back a spark in her, but then… Ilse was gone. Just like that. And Eren and Armin and Annie and… Marco."

Although he wasn't crying, his voice cracked sharply.

"He joined the business because of me, because of my stupid dreams. And because of that, he's lying dead in the middle of the fucking woods somewhere. His parents will never know what happened to him, he won't be able to go on in life to do all the things he should have done… because he always was following me."

 _"You know why, asshole, I already told you. I blamed myself. And that guilt started to drive me crazy."_

"You can't go blaming yourself for that, guilt will drive you crazy."

"Is that why you came back?"

Not expecting to have heard that, Joe had no answer that he could provide. Not one Jean would understand anyway.

"Don't get me wrong, I want out of this. I want out and I want far away, but first, I'm going to help you save her."

A short laugh escaped his mouth leaving a very empty feeling in the room.

"It's the least I can do to make up for all the bullshit I made her put up with for four-plus years."

Not willing to argue and less willing to discuss if further, Joe nodded.

"Alright. Did you talk to Bert?"

Jean shifted uncomfortably.

"I did. I don't think he's confident he can sway Reiner and I don't think I need to tell you that he won't be turning on his best friend, even if he believes it's for the best."

Waving a hand dismissively, Joe inwardly cursed; having Bertholdt help them one last time by covering their tracks would have surely been enough to secure their escape, but if they needed to go without, it wouldn't be impossible.

"Okay. Well, if you're sure, go get the kid. It's time to finish this."

Jean left without another word and as soon as the door had closed, Joe leaned back, moaning in pain. His back was howling again, and he couldn't imagine how Mikasa had been so effective at hiding her pain after the incident that night. He moved his hand to gently touch the gunshot wound that was also still plaguing him. This and the scars that ran over the entire back of his frame left him weaker every day he woke up. He wasn't sure if he was dying, but he wasn't going to bother relaying his fear to anyone. If he mentioned it to anyone, it would likely find its way to Jean who would question if his mind was sound and if he was capable to going on this rescue mission, and Sasha would also likely catch wind of it and with his feeble promise being the only reason she likely wasn't forcing him along, the thought that he would be dead sooner than later may very likely change that. No, this he would keep to himself.

 _Though it might give Ymir a bit of joy to know how much I'm suffering._

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Ymir?"

The girl in question swore and turned sharply, being considerably on edge given the suspicious nature of her current work. Sasha raised her hands in a sign of good intention, though her face would have been signal enough to provide Ymir relief.

"Sorry, I should have knocked… "

"No, you're fine, I should have had the door closed just in case… "

Sasha stepped in, closing the door behind her and looking over the material factors that were strewn across Ymir's bed. A few pistols she had managed to swindle, some medical supplies, and sustenance were all present and as far as Ymir knew, that was about all they needed besides a mode of transportation. Sasha nodded gently.

"This all we need?"

"I think so. We'll need more food for Ilse before we really hit the road, but a quick jump into a gas station shouldn't take a risky amount of time."

Historia walked out of the bathroom to join them. She looked nervous, but was hiding it behind a look of serious confidence. It was a look Ymir had seen before and one she had always found irresistibly cute, but now, it was only a reminder of what they were about to do.

"Ymir, the plan… you're sure?"

It wasn't said as though she found the plan lacking, more so that she just wanted to be absolutely sure, and Ymir didn't blame her.

The plan was simple and there was a single backup in case the first fell through. The easiest way to get to the garage lot where Zeke's business vehicles rested was directly though the main planning room where computers and a long table were present. Ymir would enter the room by herself and if anyone was present, she would play it off as though she was looking for Reiner or Bertholdt. If it was empty, as she hoped, she would usher Sasha, Historia and Ilse through while she gave them sixty seconds to reach the garage. Then, she would open the massive garage door from the computer room, sprint down to join them and drive off in whatever vehicle they had managed to start. If their quick way through the room was impassable, they would simply have to walk the long way through several long hallways, and play off that Zeke had sent them that way should they come across any of his lower key workers.

 _And if THAT doesn't work…_

Ymir gripped the handle of the gun nearest her.

"Yes. It's all we have."

Historia accepted the answer without hesitation, nodding in affirmation and placing a small bag on the bed next to the rest of the supplies before stepping out of the bedroom and moving towards the living room where Ilse was resting. Ymir watched her exit and listened to her fading footsteps before turning to Sasha, inwardly grateful for the chance alone with her.

"Hey, Sash?"

Still looking at the array of supplies before her, the brunette answered offhandedly.

"Mmm?"

"Did… you went to see Joe, didn't you?"

Immediately, she whipped her head around to look at Ymir with a very intense and defensive expression. Ymir mirrored her friend's movement from a moment ago, raising her hands in a passive gesture.

"Why?"

For a moment, she was sure Sasha would storm out of the room and leave her hanging.

"I… "

Her gaze steeled then as though she was ready for a fight.

"I wanted him to come with us."

It should have been something Ymir expected, something that shouldn't have surprised her, but it did. And it shook her badly. She stepped close to Sasha, speaking through gritted teeth.

"What?!"

Lifting her chin, Sasha didn't back down.

"I wanted him to come with us. He's responsible for what my life is going to become, and I went to make him face that."

Praying that the answer was what she wanted it to be, Ymir wet her lips.

"What did he say?"

"He's not willing to leave Mikasa and Florian, and Hange, if she really is still alive. Then he said… "

Ymir could see the spark of hope that was trying to alight itself in her eyes.

"… he said he would come for me when it was all finished, or when… if there was nothing for him to save."

This should have been enough for Ymir; if Joe wasn't going to be leaving with them, Ymir would assign herself to ensuring that they got somewhere where he could never find them. She didn't want him near Ilse, and regardless of how Sasha felt, she didn't want him near her and…

 _Oh Christ, another one?_

This aside, she couldn't keep herself from blurting.

"And you believe him?"

Sasha's lower lip quivered.

"I have to."

And she left the room as well, leaving Ymir alone with her packing. Heaving a sigh and dropping to sit on her bed, Ymir glared through the wall of the room in the general direction of the compound, to where Joe lay within, likely chuckling at the fact that Sasha believed what was surely a lie. She considered not for the first time dipping into his room before she left and putting an end to someone who she couldn't count on to stay away from her, her family and her life, but she fought it down yet again.

 _If he chooses to go after Mikasa… after everything… he won't be coming back for any of us. Either of his kids or any of us that he knew. And I can finally let him… disappear._

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The day had grown dark and Joe found himself standing in a third floor hallway of Zeke's compound, staring out into the now black sky. There was a definite tension he could feel wearing at his weakened body, but he ignored it as much as he ignored the physical pain that continued to wrack him.

For he felt no overpowering anxiety or fear as he might of some time ago, prior to embarking on such a mission as this. He saw the situation with perfect clarity and wasn't going to let something as natural and cumbersome as worry dampen his senses.

"Hey."

Joe didn't turn to look at Jean as the young man walked up beside him to stand shoulder to shoulder.

"He strapped in?"

"Mmhmm. A little impatient, but I think even his little mind can grasp the importance of patience right now."

"Okay."

He continued looking out at the woods that surrounded the compound and the small building that served as Ymir and Historia's living quarters; he wondered why Zeke had been so insistent that they take up separate residence.

"You ready?"

"Yeah."

Still, he didn't move. Within an hour or two, he would be reunited with Mikasa, one way or another and he couldn't wrap his head around how he should be feeling. There should have been an eager anticipation to seeing her and hopefully vacating her, Florian and Hange from the premises if what Kenny had told him was accurate. But he couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong, not something he had yet encountered.

 _Why am I…_

And it hit him as he saw someone exit the small building below, light from inside casting her frame in a tight shadow as her ponytail whipped around her shoulder. He grunted a curse.

 _There's no fighting it. First thing's first._

He turned then and left the window, not willing to let himself be swayed by his own common sense and conflicting emotion. But as he made for the stairs, Jean just behind him, he couldn't shake the knowledge that his weakness had put Sasha in a place that she shouldn't have had to be in.

And that, once again, he was leaving her to suffer alone.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Ymir paused for several seconds on the hallway side of the door, resting her forehead against its metal frame and closing her eyes. One more movement, and she would be putting her plan into effect, regardless of what she found inside. She patted the inside of her jacket, checking to make sure her thieved pistol was yet present for the umpteenth time, then inhaled deeply.

 _I love you, Historia._

Pushing the door open with a purposeful nature that surprised herself, she opened her mouth to utter the excuse that she had been reciting to herself for hours, and praying it would be enough to keep suspicion from being aroused. If her words failed her then, the backup plan would be even more difficult to pull off than it already was and Ymir wasn't going to allow…

 _Oh._

The room was empty.

 _Oh._

She blinked a couple times to make sure she wasn't seeing things before chuckling quietly to herself. As she made to step back into the hallway, she realized that she hadn't even been expecting her first plan to work.

"Let's go!"

Hissing the words as loudly as she dared, the ajar door that led to the stairs swung open and Historia and Sasha rushed through, carrying a baby and a large bag respectively. Ymir ushered them through into the dark planning room and looked up and down the hallway twice before closing the door quickly behind her.

"Alright, you guys remember what to do. You shouldn't see anyone on the way there, but if you do, you know what to say?"

Historia gave her a fierce and determined look once more.

"Yes."

"What are you going to… "

On cue and in sync, both the blonde and Sasha looked to her calmly while reciting their lines.

"Zeke sent us down to the garage since we're being moved; he and some men are just behind us."

Ymir smiled sheepishly.

"Sorry, can't be too sure."

Historia swooped up and planted a kiss on her cheek.

"Don't take long."

She darted out through the door on their left that led to where the vehicles were all stashed; Ymir looked to Sasha whom she expected to follow suit and caught the brunette looking anxiously at the door they had all come through as though expecting someone to step in.

"He's not coming."

Ymir's words were curter and harsher than she would have liked, but her anxiousness mixed with her animosity for the boy she knew Sasha was hoping on wouldn't allow the delivery to have come any other way. Sasha swallowed and looked down.

"I know."

Feeling a strange sense of urgency that had nothing to do with their present escape, Ymir put a hand on Sasha's shoulder.

"Hey."

Sorrowful and pained eyes looked back at her and it was only because of them that Ymir had the strength to say what she did.

"He'll be there. I hate the fucker and I hate the bitch he's going after. But I know that despite what's changed in him, he's still Joe. And that means, whether I like it or not, he's gonna come back for you."

Ymir didn't even hardly believe the words she said and she hated the praise for him that mingled in the air, but the brightening of Sasha's eyes were enough to make it worth it. She gave the brunette a slap on the ass, warranting a slight smile and she was through the door after Historia.

Blowing out a breath, Ymir walked over to the center computer console, locating the button that would open the garage door.

 _Fifty-seven…. fifty-six… fifty-five…_

She didn't dare look behind her as a last urge to sprint back the way she had come to throttle Joe or at least smack him around rushed her.

 _Forty-three… forty-two… forty-one…_

She wondered if she had given herself too much time to wait. Sixty seconds was suddenly seeming like an awful long time.

 _Thirty… twenty-nine… twenty-eight…_

"What do we have here?"

The voice that spoke behind her was relaxed and tired at the same time, echoing with a false warmness that had haunted Ymir's dreams for near a decade. She didn't need to turn and look at who had spoken for that same voice was one she had heard behind her before, on a day where she had lost many things.

 _Okay… okay._

Fear eluded her, and she turned to face down the nightmare that tied her to the past, and that was done taking from her.


	61. Chapter 61

Zeke was eying her with all the facets of a parent who had just caught their child thieving from the cookie jar; no real anger but rather hardened disappointment lined his features as he stood silently in the doorway. Ymir stood straight-backed and tall, not willing to show any kind of weakness to him.

 _Not again._

"I was actually planning on leaving."

"By yourself?"

Shrugging and glancing behind her as though this was nothing more than a regular inspection of the room, Ymir kept her voice measured and steady.

"If I can find a good way out, I'll go and let the people I would want to come along know."

Zeke nodded and stepped into the room and three people stepped in after him; Reiner, with a usual intense, flat expression, Bert, looking as though he was about to run to the bathroom and vomit, and Alex, who seemed to be content looking at anything except any of the room's current occupants. Zeke gestured to him with a lazy wave.

"I heard from this young man that you might be plotting some kind of escape."

Ymir looked at him through slightly narrowed eyes; how had he known? She had been careful not to tell anyone, or even hint at what she was planning the only people to know of what was happening…

 _Goddammit._

Sasha. She had went to Joe, trying to convince him to run away with them and he must have somehow relayed that to the conniving little snitch in front of her. Swallowing as nonchalantly as she could to keep from screaming in anger, she adopted as passive a pose as she could manage.

"Well, I guess you caught me."

Zeke walked slowly over to the table that stood between them and gently pushed it aside so that it rested up against the wall opposite the door Sasha and Historia had gone through; Ymir tensed as he reached behind him, freeing a pistol which he held rather carelessly in his left hand. Behind him, Reiner crossed his arms, but beyond that, none of the three who had followed Zeke in moved or spoke.

"I find it so strange that I've allowed the lot of you to hide under my roof for as long as I have, especially considering all the trouble you've caused me."

He sounded less upset and more curious, as though he truly was trying to figure out his own line of thinking; this spurred Ymir into shooting off a verbal attack of her own.

 _Anything to keep him preoccupied._

"As I recall, you gave us trouble first, trying to kill us in Levi's cabin."

She watched him intently, waiting for the response she expected, where he would once again apologize for wronging them and how he had been trying so desperately to right what he had wrought upon them…

"Hmm… at the time, I was fortunate so few of you who were actually important to Chief Ackerman and Reiss were present, it made killing them something much less worrisome."

Ymir avoided showing her surprise at his sudden turn, though as she saw his gentle smile, she realized she had known he was lying the moment he attempted a weak apology when he had spoken to all of them.

"That day when you 'apologized' to everyone… you were just trying to keep everyone from running off."

He nodded in an affirmative and Ymir shook her head with a dark smirk on her face.

"Not surprising."

The memory rebounded in her thoughts then and she suddenly remembered something in particular that didn't make sense.

"When you pulled Mikasa aside though… what were you… ?"

Zeke walked to the door, looking up and down the hall as he spoke back to her.

"I told her the façade she was to mention when I told you that I was taking a chunk of you to meeting with Reiss and the good chief. I informed her in no uncertain terms that the most important person to appease at our meeting was her father and I had every reason to believe he was going to want her, which I was correct about."

Ymir listened carefully as she tried to sift through what could very well have been more lies.

"As could be expected, she initially fought very much against the idea of being brought to him, so I simply threatened the death of her boyfriend and she folded very quickly."

There was a rush of savage pleasure in her gut as Ymir thought of Mikasa squirming over the option of giving herself to a man who had every intention of tormenting her horribly or giving up Joe and realized this exchange had taken place on the same night she and Joe had done what they had to Sasha.

 _Could explain a little of why…_

"But regardless of my efforts, it still was a relative pain having to deal with all of you, with the problems you presented."

Ymir wanted to verbally attack him further, but she knew that she needed to buy as much time for Historia and Sasha as she could, and toned down her reply.

"And yet you weren't immediately willing to give us up."

Closing the door, he turned back to her, the same fake-genuine smile still gleaming on his face.

"I slowly started the process. Recommending to Reiss that he ought to kill Annie ahead of time was the first step, simply because she posed the largest threat to me."

Ymir managed to keep her shock from showing by an incredible amount of force and as a chilling feeling washed through her insides, she watched Bert turn to look at Zeke with very wide eyes and saw Reiner's eyebrows furrow swiftly; clearly this was news to them as well, but Zeke didn't seem to notice their reactions, or perhaps he simply didn't care.

"Oh yes, I was certainly the most worried about her, aside from Mikasa, but I knew I was going to be able to get rid of her before that meeting was over."

This revelation was enough to stun Ymir into silence for several seconds and while a large portion of her being wanted to rush Zeke, gun or no gun, she knew that she had to buy as much time as she could.

"You said… "

The thought of Annie rushed her and she choked on her words briefly.

"You said that the most important person to appease was Mikasa's father… why? What does he have about him that's more important than Reiss or Kenny?"

She pushed her anger into her words, hoping it would keep her from seeming like she was stalling. Zeke smiled and looked to Alex who was still resolutely fixated on anything other than another human.

"Well, thanks to this gentleman here, I was able to dig up a good deal… perhaps a threatening amount about the man… first and foremost that he is no more Mikasa Ackerman's father than I am yours."

Another bombshell that Ymir was able to keep from appearing surprised at; she didn't need to ask for elaboration however, as Zeke plowed ahead with the results of his supposed research.

"Apparently, his real name is Darius Zackly, and he had quite the history before posing as a family man and delving into business ventures of his own all over the dark web; he was supposedly a military man involved in the Gulf War and was honorably discharged after his squad was captured, tortured and rescued three weeks later. He vanished for a few years before resurfacing as… "

Ymir narrowed her eyes and he spread his arms.

"You guessed it: Mikasa's father. I don't know how he managed to insert himself as the father figure when Mikasa is not his child, but I've found clues that suggest that perhaps one of the soldiers whom he served with conceived her and went to Zackly for whatever reason, and somehow, fatherhood passed between the two men."

 _That man… the one we talked about and passed rumors around about all through high school… was actually a possibly very disturbed veteran who has been beating and raping her for years posing as her father?_

Pity wasn't something she thought she could feel for someone like Mikasa anymore, but for a moment, she felt a pang of it.

"Anyway, he was apparently the reason Rod Reiss was able to get his feet on the ground in the industry and Reiss took on Kenny Ackerman as an enforcer of sorts as a favor. I have doubts that they are actually brothers, but there certainly seems to be a connection between them, one feasible enough to suggest that they're at least as close as brothers can be."

Ymir continued to stare at him as he spoke and while she tried to push aside how truly unbelievable everything she was hearing was, she caught on to something strange.

 _Why is he telling me all of this?_

"I'm sure by this point, you're probably wondering why I'm telling you all of this."

Hearing the question she was thinking, Ymir shrugged once more, refusing to offer him anything that might betray the terrible unease she was feeling. Zeke glanced at the clock positioned to his left on the wall and smiled.

"I figure by this point I've been able to keep your attention long enough for Galliard to apprehend your girlfriend, her child, and the other one."

Ymir spun to face the door as if to catch Zeke's underling in the process of doing what she had just been informed of as his objective; Zeke chuckled.

"Don't think I'd in fact be crazy enough to have them brought back up here. They'll be kept somewhere nice and safe until I'm finished dealing with you."

Her attention shifting to Alex, Ymir tried to put as much fury as she could into her glare, hoping to make him at least squirm; he reacted to her gaze in a brutally satisfying way as he swallowed and took a step back into Reiner, who gave him no purchase. Zeke seemed to notice her look.

"Don't blame the geek; he simply did what anyone who had a sliver of motivation and moral fiber would do."

Ymir snorted, eyes still locked on Alex.

"Yeah, sell out some people who've never done him any wrong?"

Her mind was racing desperately; she had to assume that Zeke wasn't bluffing and that Galliard had indeed caught up to the three of her fellow escapees and was currently holding them somewhere out of her reach. At that point, she had no immediately feasible options, save for trying to draw on the four of them in which she would likely be gunned down before she managed to off even two of them, or she could try and barter, offer what she could or try to appeal to whatever compassion the twisted man in front of her. She opted to at least start with the latter; though simply pulling her gun was much less robbing of her dignity, debating or even begging would be worth it if she managed any advantage for herself and her companions.

"We just want to leave."

One hand in his pocket, the other wrapped around the grip of his pistol, Zeke regarded her silently, which she took as good a sign as any to keep talking.

"We're not going to Kenny or Reiss or anyone to try and fuck with you, we just want to leave."

Zeke blinked; Ymir grit her teeth behind her lips as she looked at the ground.

"We've had enough and we've lost enough. We can't keep sitting here and wait for our turn to be sent to the chopping block, we just… "

Unbidden, unexpected, and unwanted, tears sprang to her eyes and she choked off; a vision of her sitting on a porch on a countryside house, next to Historia who was holding Ilse in her arms struck her, and she thought to how close, yet so far that was from being a reality.

"We just want to leave."

She couldn't bring herself to say any more than that; that was the most she could do to appeal to the hearts of those in front of her, whatever hearts were there to listen. Zeke continued to stare at her with a strange expression, though his silence persisted well past after she had finished talking. Finally, Reiner shifted and looked to his boss.

"Look, Zeke, maybe we could… "

"Quiet, Reiner."

Ymir's gut sank even further then it already had as Zeke straightened with an air of finality, but as he opened his mouth, so too opened the door and if possible, Ymir found the situation to worsen even further.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

For what might have been the first time in weeks, Mikasa felt the pangs of hunger resound in her stomach. It had been days since her father had come to visit her and the only person to enter her room had been someone of definite medical training who had been coming to see her regularly, patching her up and tending to the many wounds she had acquired. Her body still howled with pain at every move she made, but the fact that she was no longer confined to the chair had given her reasoning to attempt basic movement once more. There was a minor feeling of panic that swathed her as she grew to hold the pain in place that likely had to do with the fact that she was confined in the room where she had been furiously abused, but there was no way to escape save for the door.

 _Not that I would have a chance at getting out even if I could somehow get it open._

Hours before she had been gotten to work on by the medic, she had been fairly sure that Florian had entered her room briefly which she knew was impossible. She had tried to stave off the possibility she was going insane by rising from the chair and attempting several agonizing steps around her cell.

She could walk no more than a half dozen paces before she had to collapse in the chair once more and those six steps took roughly twenty minutes to manage. The feeling of missing a toe wore on her mind if she focused on it and she tried to focus on achieving any other meaningful movement. Clenching her fists was manageable, though they tingled and flashed with numbness every time she attempted it. Turning her head ninety degrees was next to impossible, though she managed to increase the distance by a fraction on each try. She had already run the scenario in her head of trying to overpower the next person to enter the room, but found that she would be surprised if she even managed to make the walk to the door, much less overpower some person who was likely in much better shape than her.

And so more hours continued to tick on; she made small, barely noticeable movements as Mikasa pushed aside her pain, slowly trying to recover in such a way that allowed her to move past the cuts, bruises, missing flesh and burns that had been inflicted over the past several weeks. She was trying to primarily ignore the fact that her mind may have slipped as the world spun in and out of focus; she was aware of specters standing in the corners of the room just out of sight, but she couldn't bring herself to look at them. She didn't want to imagine seeing Annie or Eren or Armin or Ilse or anyone else who would surely be looking at her with accusatory eyes. If she met them, she doubted she'd be able to turn away without desperately trying to defend herself.

 _They're not real, they're not real, they're not real…_

Still, their eyes burned the back of her head and she closed her eyes, briefly reveling in the physical and mental pain that raked her.

 _If I'm going to die here… please let it be soon. I can't do this anymore, I can't face him anymore, I can't listen to myself scream and beg and…_

Muffled gunshots boomed from outside her door; in another time, it may have been enough to make her jump, but all she could manage was to lift her head wearily to stare through blurry eyes at the door. Her mind churned slowly with the possibility that this building had been invaded or if she had simply imagined the shots, but as three more sounded, she came to the conclusion that they were indeed real. When no more came, she stared at the door as the world continued to spin.

 _What the hell…_

Before she could even really begin to conceive what was really happening, something slid under the door. She blinked at it and saw that it looked to be a half-sheet of paper. For near a minute, she stared at it, wondering what in the world someone would be trying to slip her in a moment like this; she decided then that there was nothing to lose by trying to see what it was and she pushed herself to her feet. Another several minutes and a series of wobbly steps later, she collapsed next to it; ignoring the burnt and butchered skin on her right hand and the missing nail that looked awful in the dim red light, she lowered her head to look at the paper and it took her eyes far too long to focus enough to read the single sentence etched on the paper.

 **Clearing us a way out, I'll be back for you as quick as I can.**

Tears burned her eyes almost immediately as the sheer impossibility of this struck her.

 _He came for me. After everything… he came for me._

She rolled over, barely feeling the pain that screamed across her back; putting a hand over her mouth, a tortured, yet joyous sob echoed around the dark chamber. Remaining on the floor, she cried happily, hardly able to believe what was happening. A minute passed before there was a loud knocking on the door, two short pounds; scrambling to her feet and crying out as cuts reopened at the sudden movement, Mikasa ignored the blood that oozed from the wounds and stood, wobbling on her feet as she waited for the door to open. It swung open a moment later and she had only a moment to try and adjust her eyes to the bright yellow light that streamed in before something, quite likely a fist, crashed into her head and she had no way of keeping herself from falling.

"Stupid bitch… did you really think he had actually managed to find you."

Face pressed against the floor that still reeked of her blood and waste, Mikasa couldn't bring herself to even attempt to look at her father as the pain from her injured body washed mercilessly over her. Of course if had been too good to be true; a few fired blanks and some scratching on a paper had been enough to fool her. She couldn't even find the strength to cry.

"I'm just about done with you, just so you know. Figured I'd play with you a bit more before I end this."

She tried to voice out "who cares," but all that escaped her mouth was a weak, hoarse groan. Her father let out a rasping chuckle.

"Don't think for a second that you're done hurting though. That's the only reason I had someone patch you up."

And the door slammed shut. It was several more minutes before Mikasa tried to drag herself back to the chair, the only thing she could touch other than the floor and the walls. Her shaking fingers moved along its legs and back, praying she could find a sharp piece of it to cut herself on. When even that was denied of her, she dropped back onto her back, gasping in all-encompassing pain and looking up at the eyes that she knew had been watching her. She shook her head weakly.

"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry… "

The words didn't make it out of her mouth, but she prayed they could understand her. Even if she couldn't make it up to them, she wanted them to know.

Then, as she dropped an arm to the ground where it shook, she felt something under her forearm. Blinking tears from her eyes, she moved her shaking fingers to grasp at it. It was a sliver of wood, no longer then her pointer finger and no less thin than the graphite in a pencil; perhaps it had come from the chair. Pulling it back, she raised it and brought it down on her throat. It pierced her skin, but made it no further than being barely enough to draw blood before it snapped in two.

 _Fuck… you…_

Then she looked to the eyes still staring hatefully down at her and knew then that of course she wouldn't be able to take her life.

She hadn't suffered enough for them yet.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Ymir watched Joe step into the room, Jean just behind him; he looked around at the sight and a gentle smirk played at the corners of his mouth.

"What's going on in here?"

Zeke looked momentarily surprised at the intrusion, but recovered quickly.

"I've found your compatriots attempting to run off with the intention of escaping quietly. To boot, I believe they've taken Kenny's son as perhaps a further bargaining chip."

Ymir's forced passivity snapped then as she heard the falsehood leave the man's mouth.

"What the hell are you talking about?!"

Zeke looked back to her, rolling his eyes tiredly.

"Please don't waste my time with nonsense like this. The kid is missing and it doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened to him, considering you running off and him disappearing occurred at roughly the same time."

Ymir sputtered a moment before composing herself and gritting her teeth.

"What the fuck would we want with the kid?! We just want to leave, that would just tie us down, hold us back from leaving all this shit behind us for good!"

Shaking his head, Zeke looked back to Joe.

"As you can see, there is a fair amount of denial at play here, almost as though I can be fooled by that."

Wanting to scream at him and force the truth of her words into his body, Ymir knew that there wasn't going to be any way of changing his mind on what he already believed. She turned her gaze on Joe then, and he returned it.

 _You son of a bitch… how much of this… has happened because of you?_

Then, unbelievably, he gave her a wink. She could only stare in disbelief before he turned back to Zeke.

"Well, uh, actually, you wouldn't be too wrong to believe her."

He gestured to himself.

"See, that was me that took him."

Zeke's eyebrows furrowed ever so slightly, though he showed no other sign of being surprised by this. His voice too remained steady and measured.

"Really."

"Yeah."

Ymir hardly dared breath as the two men regarded each other, one looking calm and collected, the other looking smugly sheepish.

"And why did you do that, might I ask?"

Chuckling, Joe scratched the back of his head.

"Well, I've been doing some thinking. For a real long time now, I've been trying to do everything in my power to do what's best for everyone I care about."

His eyes flicked back to Ymir, if only for a moment.

"I've recently come to the conclusion that these attempts have had little success and if anything, have simply caused me to become hated in the eyes of those I once knew as friends."

Behind her back, Ymir clenched her fist tightly to keep from firing words back at him.

 _Don't you dare try to turn yourself into some tragic hero, you cock-sucking son of a…_

"So now I'm doing things my way. Regardless of the outcome to others, I'm going after what I care about, however that entails me doing so."

Zeke's eyes seemed to briefly flash with an air of impressment.

"You seek to trade the boy for your girlfriend."

Joe didn't blink.

"I seek to trade the boy for as much as I can gain from a desperate father who is on the brink of panic."

Seeming to accept this at face value, Zeke gestured around.

"And everything I've… we've done for you, you simply are choosing to disregard it. Do you bear me that much ill will or that little consideration?"

Frowning, Joe crossed his arms.

"If I held you any ill will, I would have likely left without so much as a word to you, or I would have attempted slitting your throat before departing. As it stands, I deliberately sought you out to tell you my intentions, and thank you before leaving."

He spoke with so much matter-of-factness that Ymir almost believed him. She couldn't tell if Zeke was convinced, but after several seconds, the older man gave a short chuckle.

"You know, you were the reason I flip-flopped on this whole prospect twice. After seeing how unhinged the majority of your friends became upon your return to that cabin, I deemed simply killing them all would be the best course of action. Mind, I only got through two of them."

Jean made a strange movement that Ymir believed went unnoticed beyond her.

"Then, I saw how much could be gained by at least faking aiding you lot. And now, here we are. Two of you have been taken, two of you are dead, and the rest are trying to vacate the premises posthaste."

His face remaining unchanged, Joe shrugged, a mirror of Ymir minutes ago.

"Here we are."

Very slightly, very gently, he shifted his weight to his left foot and Ymir felt a wave of apprehension course through her. She had seen that before, when they had been out at the range and Joe had been showing off his ability to quickdraw, one of the two abilities that had caught Hange's eye so long ago. She tried to inch as far away from being in between what was about to happen as she could, mind racing as she contemplated drawing her gun as well. As though he could sense it as well, Bertholdt looked at Reiner from behind Zeke.

"Reiner… "

Zeke held up a hand sharply.

"Quiet."

He looked at Joe with an air of finality and relaxation.

"This is what you've chosen to do, then?"

Joe nodded gently.

"Yep."

There was a beat, and then Zeke's hand holding his gun dropped to his side and he gestured towards the door.

"Alright then. Off you go."

Joe looked at the older man for several seconds, the only movement coming from his eyes; he looked as though he had reached some conclusion of his own, and he moved a hand back and brushed against Jean's arm. Then, he smiled and gave nod before taking a single step to his left. And in that instant, hands flashed to waist level and Ymir heard Bertholdt scream something before the confined area exploded with gunfire.


	62. Chapter 62

" _ **The best lies about me are the ones I told."**_

― _**Patrick Rothfuss**_

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Somehow, by some subconscious working, Ymir hadn't even bothered to pull her gun free as she dived to the ground up against the wall; harsh, deafening bangs, followed by the whizzing of shots that hadn't found their mark were all she could hear as she covered her head, jamming her eyes shut. There may have been a couple yells, but there was very little she could be sure of in that moment as flashes burned through her eyelids and she held her breath, waiting to be struck by a bullet, intentionally or unintentionally aimed at her. She grit her teeth, knowing that she couldn't die here, not yet, not without making sure Historia was safe.

 _I'll make it… whatever happens to me, I'll make it…_

Then, as abruptly as the shots had first started, a ringing silence fell upon the room, Ymir didn't move for several long seconds, not sure if anyone was alive and if they were, if they intended to kill her. She couldn't take it any longer as she heard what sounded to be a muffled sob and she opened her eyes, looking around the room.

Only two people looked to be alive and moving to boot; Joe was on his hands and knees, breathing heavily, while Bertholdt was in a sitting position, cradling something in his lap. The fact that he was crying became more obvious as Ymir's ears began to slowly recover and she backed against the wall behind her, trying to remain as inconspicuous as she could.

"No… no way… it wasn't supposed to… you weren't… "

Joe's mumbling became clear to her then and she moved her gaze to him. He was bent over Jean, whose eyes were wide and dead as he stared unseeing upwards, blood running from the corner of his mouth. Joe pushed back off the ground, to sit just next to the body, looking at it with a confused expression as though he couldn't quite understand what had happened.

"YOU!"

Ymir shrunk back as the sudden outburst caused her to jump; Bertholdt jumped to his feet, gun in hand and pointed wildly at Joe's head. As he did, Ymir saw what had been resting in his lap and saw Reiner's blank face. His eyes were closed unlike Jean, but the same clarity with which one could tell that he was just as dead was painful. Ymir stared at the face of the young man she had once despised so thoroughly for being with the girl she loved, who had been willing to tell her the most agonizing truth she had ever heard and who she now knew was dead.

 _Why… why?_

Bertholdt was shaking badly, and looked more furious than Ymir had ever seen him all through knowing him in high school and beyond. Joe hadn't reacted to the fact that a gun was now pointed at his head; his eyes remained on Jean and he shook his head with the occasional sigh.

"THIS WAS YOU! THEY'RE ALL DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU!"

Joe snorted with a frightening amount of indifference.

"Your boss pulled first, we pulled back."

"WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST STAY OUT OF IT?! THIS IS YOUR FAULT, YOU… "

He choked off then, looking perhaps too livid to continue, eyes wide and mouth sputtering. Joe seemed very unfazed and threw a flat glance at Bertholdt while he continued to remain sitting.

"If you don't calm down, you're going to get someone killed."

Bertholdt howled and raised the gun to be on head level with Joe before one last gunshot slammed against the walls of the small room; jolting and spasming, Bertholdt's head spewed blood from the hole it had acquired and his body crashed to its knees to then finally fall to a rest beside Reiner's. Joe eyed the fresh corpse curiously before turning his gaze to Ymir.

"I had him."

Hand quivering from the violent recoil of her pistol, Ymir didn't put it away as she looked at him with an equally flat, yet intense gaze.

"I've been trying to kill you and looking for chances to do it over and over again, and now I just saved your life… and that's all you got?"

Ymir was reeling, not from the fact that she had just killed Bertholdt, but from the fact that she had just saved the very person she would have preferred to die in the engagement that had just gone down. She racked her brain as she stared at him, trying to figure out why she hadn't just let Bertholdt kill him before letting out a rather crazed laugh.

 _Why did I do that?_

Joe grunted, eyes moving back to Jean's body.

"I figure if you really wanted me dead, I would be by now."

Ymir twisted her head at the arrogance of his words, cracking her neck as she did.

"Keep talking, you fucker."

Letting out another sigh through his nose, Joe shook his head uncaringly, eyes still looking at the body in front of him. He said nothing further and Ymir let her blood boil for several long seconds before slowly walking over to stand next to him. The sights of her gun moved to put his head in her view, but she didn't even put her finger on the trigger. Letting the gun come to a rest at her side, she looked down at Jean's body with him.

"Who shot first?"

From where she stood behind and above him, she could see the corners of his mouth turn into a smirk, but it held none of the same reserved humor that the one he had given to Zeke not minutes ago had.

"I did."

Trying to think back on what she had seen, Ymir looked over to the three bodies on the other side of the room.

"I don't… I didn't think I had seen any of them move."

Sighing once more, Joe pushed himself to his feet, though as he stood, he kept his eyes on Jean.

"I don't think any of them did."

He poked Jean's body with the toe of his shoe.

"He moved. I don't know if Zeke actually was going to let us go, I kind of doubt it. He would probably have cut us off at some other point as we tried to run, where we would be easier to snag, and where he would provide less risk for him, but Jean moved. I knew he was pulling, so I did with him."

His voice which Ymir would have once imagined pain and sorrow would flow through as it had when Ilse had been shot dead, only bore a tired, low feel, as though he was mostly disappointed with what had gone down.

"I just was able to shoot first. They must have seen him too, he took most of the fire. I think Zeke managed to take a shot at me, but I had hit him first and he missed."

With the lies that Ymir knew would pour from his mouth without hesitation, there wasn't any reason to assume he wasn't telling the truth, not about this. Joe was talking as though he were doing a piece for a documentary, downcast and straightforward, his expression not wavering when taking into consideration that two people within the past minute had wanted to kill him.

"He… "

Joe choked up for a moment and Ymir looked to him quickly; the apologetic, weak, and emotional version of him that she hadn't seen since the cabin had spoken, if only briefly. As she watched him carefully, she watched him close his eyes and smile.

"He was supposed to make it out. I tried to make him leave after helping me find out where Mikasa was. He wasn't supposed to… "

He didn't finish, but he didn't need to. Ymir looked back to the body with him and several long beats passed between them.

"Are you going to kill me?"

She hated the lack of any kind of real emotion in his words; it seemed that his momentary choke-up had been some kind of fluke. All Ymir wanted to do was yell at him how much she would love to blow him away then and there, but somehow, her level of caring about Joe at that very moment had waned significantly. He allowed her several long seconds to consider it, but she couldn't bring herself to speak, let alone raise her gun again; he broke the silence and tension then.

"We should go."

Ymir didn't say anything as he turned and walked over, hand on the handle; she could sense him look back to her.

"Don't we have a couple people to let loose?"

Historia was in danger, being held hostage, Ymir knew that, but somehow she couldn't bring herself to move.

"Can I… can you give me a second?"

There was a long moment as she could feel Joe judging her and watching her.

"Make it fast. We don't have much time."

 _As if I don't know that, you motherfucker._

The door opened and closed as Joe passed through and left her alone with the bodies, still quite warm. And one, that Ymir knew, which was very much not dead. Slowly and deliberately, she moved three paces over to stand between the corpses before bringing her foot back and kicking one of them hard in the side. She jumped back and raised her gun as the body gave a gasp and rolled over, hands raised in a sign of desperate surrender.

"I've seen people fake death before. You were doing a decent job, but I knew what to look for."

Reaching with one hand to adjust his glasses which had become askew after he had fallen, Zeke looked at her, eyebrows slightly raised.

"Well, it was worth a try."

His gun had fallen several feet out of his immediate reach, but Ymir kept her pistol trained on him. She regarded him as the blood of her old high school friends soaked the soles of her shoes, as she thought to the hundreds of things she could say to the man who had taken what he had from her. Zeke seemed to sense her indecision and conflict and spoke gently with a clear attempt being made to try and alleviate what was very likely a deadly situation for him.

"I'm not sure what you're thinking and I don't know what I can say, but I think I should at least tell you that… "

"Thank you."

She knew that she had said the words, but the surprise on Zeke's face was a strong match for how she felt; as she looked at him, she had dug for the most honest thing she could say to him, and that had been what her mind had made her mouth speak. Zeke clutched at the gun wound in his side, his normally passive face now slightly agape as he looked to be just as trying to comprehend what he had heard as Ymir was.

 _Why did I say that?_

But she knew. She hated the thought of it, but she knew. From the floor, Zeke was able to get out a single word as his breath came in heaving rattles.

"Why?"

As Ymir tried to think of how to respond, she realized that thinking about it wasn't going to help; all she could do was speak from the heart and let honesty explain her.

"I'm not thanking you for raping me. I'm not thanking you for pretending to be my friend, and making me think that I had at least one person during that time of my life who cared about me."

She stepped over so that she was standing right above him, looking down with what was an emotion she couldn't identify.

"I'm thanking you because if you hadn't pushed me over that edge… that last straw, I may never have run from that shithole of a town. I might never have had the strength to start my life over and to meet the most beautiful person I've ever met."

Throwing a glance over her shoulder, Ymir's mouth twisted in a tight smirk.

"I have other people to blame for the shit that's happened more recently, but… I have to put this to sleep."

Zeke's face had slowly turned to one of polite consideration and resignation as she spoke and he pushed himself up to one elbow, words clearly on his tongue.

"Listen, whatever you're about to… "

Ymir put the second shot from her gun's magazine between Zeke's eyes before he finished speaking. His body jerked sharply once before tipping sideways to lie next to his compatriots, blood pooling to mix with theirs. His eyes remained half-open, staring at the same nothingness that Jean was seeing as Ymir backed up to stand a couple paces from the bodies; trying to keep her hand from shaking, she flipped the safety on her gun and tucked it away behind her, blowing out a breath that was far too calm.

 _It's over._

Despite everything she knew that she would have to go through in the coming minutes, hours and days, there felt like the enormous weight on her shoulders had changed. Not lifted, but moved, become something different, something she couldn't even begin to pinpoint. Stepping backwards, her back struck the wall and she jumped; letting out a sound that was partly a laugh and partly a sob; she allowed herself to slide to her knees where she tried to try and keep herself from becoming faint.

 _It's not… it's…_

Leaning forward and directing her face downward, Ymir screamed as loudly as she could, a sound that sounded as tortured as she felt. She only let a few seconds pass, as the sound was thrown at Zeke, at her parents, at the racists of her old town and everything that had tormented her until she had fled the shit town for good; then, she rose and looked at the five bodies one last time, eyes resting for a moment on Alex, who hadn't even appeared to have been armed.

 _How did he know…_

She turned to the door then and pushed swiftly through, slamming it shut behind her.

Joe stood a short ways down the hall just before the stairs, arms crossed and eyes on the ground. Ymir drew up alongside him and began to descend without waiting for him, though she heard him fall in behind her. After they had gone down a single flight, she spoke quietly without looking back at him.

"You knew."

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you finish him?"

A short chuckle.

"Wasn't mine to finish."

She didn't know how Joe could possibly know what was between her and Zeke but in that moment, she couldn't have cared less; as far as she was concerned in that moment, what was in that room was left behind. The love of her life was in danger, and enough time had been lost as was. It certainly wouldn't be long before Zeke's underlings would find the room and all hell would break loose above them and Ymir intended to be long gone when it did.

"Are you going to help me?"

She said the question as casually as she could; deep down, she was hoping Joe would say no and be on his way, but of course, that would have been too much to ask.

"To save Historia, Sasha and the kid? You gotta be fucking with me."

They stepped briefly off their path downstairs to quickly raid the mid-floor armory; Ymir was only quickly stunned by the vast array of firearms that greeted her eyes, but there was no time to be choosy and she snatched a standard M4; turning back to the door, she saw Joe standing there empty handed. Throwing him an annoyed, inquisitive look, Ymir watched him as he shook his hand and patted his coat where a pistol surely hid. She paid him no further mind; if he wanted to keep going with just a revolver, so be it.

They kept moving until they reached the last long hallway before the garage where, just before the door that led to the vehicles, there was a short hall to the left with a door at the end and a door adjacent to it on the left. Ymir barely had taken a step down it when a voice called out to her.

"I'll kill them."

As though they were on a job for Hange like the ones they had gone on so long ago, Ymir and Joe both leapt to opposite sides of the hallway entrance, taking cover. The voice had come from the end of the hall and Ymir recognized it very quickly; not caring enough to play around with words more than were necessary, she double checked that her rifle was properly ready for whatever was about to happen before yelling back.

"Your boss is dead. Reiner and Bert… "

The words shook her, if only for a moment.

"Reiner and Bert are dead. You let them go and you can walk out of this place alive."

Galliard laughed from out of sight as he replied.

"What, you think you just own the place now? Even if you did kill Zeke, which you very well may have, there are still at least a couple dozen people throughout this facility ready to take orders from myself or anyone else who answered to Zeke directly."

Ymir twisted her neck in annoyance.

"Then I'll kill them to."

Galliard's voice seemed to be trying to give off an air of being in control of the situation, but the change in pitch revealed his worry.

"Bah. Lot of work for a two man army."

Joe apparently had the same thought that Ymir had and even as she was turning to look around, his Colt was already in his hand, booming a painfully loud retort as it blasted the surveillance camera positioned above them. Ymir waited for the ringing to cease before continuing.

"You're wasting an awful lot, being loyal to someone who's dead."

"Did you consider that it's maybe less about loyalty and more about wanting to stay alive?"

Ymir felt herself smile despite herself.

"You think I won't just kill you even you just let them go?"

"I know you won't."

Not even entirely sure what she would do herself, Ymir tried to make herself believe that she would be merciful, if only to make her own voice sound more convincing.

"I guess you're going to have to find out."

"They're not here, you know. I've moved them. You're wasting time, talking to me."

Taking a slow calming breath and grinding her teeth, Ymir kept her voice leveled.

"Not if you tell me where they are."

Galliard paused briefly, and Ymir thought for a moment that he was going to cave.

"You must have figured out by now that I'm not going to do that."

The moment the last word left his mouth, Ymir had snapped; her mind was still hovering in a state that was still coming to terms with what had already happened just minutes ago, and now _(this son of a bitch)_ Galliard was keeping her from completing the final part of this trial before she could finally just get away.

"Fuck this."

Stepping out from behind her corner and planting her feet firmly in the ground, Ymir brought the assault rifle to her shoulder, thumbing off the safety.

"NO!"

Joe's shout echoed in her left ear as he leapt towards her, grabbing the barrel of her gun and forcing it down; the discharge of the first several shots slapped the floor, chewing the tile even as Galliard sprang from behind the door on the side of the hallway rather than at the end as Ymir had believed. He too was bring his weapon to bear, but Joe's free hand squeezed the trigger of his pistol, and several shots slammed into the door frame near Galliard's head and he fell back with a cry. Releasing Ymir's gun, Joe dashed to the door frame and fired two more shots; there was a heavy thud and Ymir jumped free of her stupor and ran to the doorway.

Breathing heavily, Joe was standing over Galliard's body in the room, which looked to be some kind of empty storage room. Shaking his head, Joe began to carefully reload his revolver as Ymir pulled up next to him furiously.

"What the hell was that?!"

Almost seeing to ignore her snarl, Joe rubbed a hand over his mouth before walking over to the door at the end of the hallway that Ymir had been ready to fire at and kicked it before walking down the hall and leaning against the wall on the right, looking to Ymir expectantly. She cast him a fiery look before seizing the door handle and opening it.

Behind the door was essentially a closet, shelves with carious boxes and containers stacked tightly together. Strapped to the shelves so that they were standing upright were a clearly unconscious Historia and Sasha, Ilse sleeping peacefully on a shelf at head level. Seeing their deep breathing, and the fact that they were still sleeping, Ymir assumed they must have been drugged.

 _I could have…_

Stumbling backward, she hit the doorframe and fought down the sudden wave of nausea she felt. She bent and remained that way for several seconds, waiting to see if her stomach would completely rebel. She heard Joe's footsteps quietly come up behind her; he waited a good minute or so before speaking.

"We need to get them out of here."

The brief reminder that they were essentially already on the run gave Ymir a start and she became grateful that she had something to do. Pushing herself up, she inhaled deeply as Joe looked past her to the occupied closet.

"Go ahead and take Historia outside, I'll wait here with Ilse and Sasha, and then we can take them both out."

Ymir didn't acknowledge his words beyond stepping into the small space and undoing her girlfriend of her restraints. She thought as she did how Galliard had tried to trick her into killing one or some or all of the captives he held and she felt the same nausea again. Lifting Historia underneath her knees and upper back, she stepped out and headed for the garage. As she passed Joe, a singularly powerful urge came over her and she stopped.

"How did you know?"

He waited a second.

"Lucky guess."

It wasn't the answer she wanted to hear, but she also knew it was the only one she was getting, regardless of whether or not he was telling the truth. Not looking back to him, she pushed through the door and towards the vehicles with which they would gain their freedom.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

As the door closed behind Ymir, Joe allowed himself to let out a pained groan.

"Goddammit."

The brief scuffle upstairs and the lack of any sort of painkillers in his body made the aching and throbbing all the worse as he moved to free Sasha. His agony was not yet at any level of overpowering, but he knew that time was of the essence if he was going to finish what he needed to get done. Mental images of both Jean and Mikasa were ever-present and strong, but he had long since learned how to ignore them as there was no way to prevent them from happening altogether.

Sasha slumped against him as he undid the last of her straps and he caught her as she did; leaning into the wall for support, he grit his teeth as his ravaged back came into contact with it rather roughly. Keeping a watchful eye on Ilse, he lowered himself to a sitting position to wait for Ymir's hopefully expedited return.

Joe glanced down at Sasha who was resting against his chest; he marveled at how peaceful she looked as she avoided everything that the world was throwing their way by effect of unconscious ignorance. He wondered what she would say to him if she were awake, if she would ask him once more to come with them, if she would curse what she believed to be his cowardice or his intention to avoid responsibility. At that point, he wouldn't have blamed her for either response, and he felt a pang regret for the promise he had made that he didn't know if he would be able to keep. There was every chance that he would not come away from this night alive, regardless of whether or not he encountered resistance. Pulling her to him, he closed his eyes and pressed his lips to the top of her head.

"I'm sorry."

A strange thought occurred to him then and he tilted his head to look towards her midriff. Reaching down, he gently pulled up her top a few inches and pressed his hand against her stomach. Warm and smooth, he waited with a frightening sense of apprehension to feel what he feared to be a heartbeat. But as he waited, nothing came and when Ymir returned to collect Ilse, they made no verbal exchange. He carried Sasha the same way Ymir had carried Historia and when they reached the garage, he lowered her into the backseat.

"You got somewhere to be?"

It was only when Ymir spoke that Joe realized he had been looking at the sleeping brunette for over a minute. Blinking, he backed up with a sharp nod.

"Sorry."

He had only managed to turn towards his own vehicle before Ymir spoke from behind him.

"You can come along, you know."

Each word came from her mouth with a painful amount of force as though they all were being pulled from her with pliers. Joe smiled without looking back to her.

"You don't want that."

"Damn fucking straight."

"Why offer then?"

She couldn't immediately manage a reply and he chuckled, turning.

"You're not saying that to make me or Sash, happy, you want to see Mikasa get left to dry, to get ripped apart by vultures and never be seen again."

Ymir stepped out from behind the driver's side door and crossed her arms.

"Maybe. Doesn't mean you still shouldn't just come along, even if it's for Sasha and not for you."

Joe jerked his chin towards the backseat where Ilse was resting comfortably.

"You don't want me as a father, regardless of the kid."

Taking a step towards him, Ymir narrowed her eyes.

"Doesn't fucking matter what I want, maybe you should just do it because it's the right thing to do."

Snorting, Joe leaned against the side of the car next to the gas lid.

"Ymir, I have no idea why you still haven't killed me when you obviously hate my fucking guts. You hate Mikasa, and if you kill me, she'll probably die as result."

"Yeah, so?"

Joe felt an unrelenting surge of frustration.

"So why haven't you killed me?! I know you want to, you've been shoeing around for a way to knock me off since the day I showed up in the cabin! How about you explain to me that after everything that's happened, you have just stared daggers at me every waking second you get, but you can't pull up the guts to drop me!"

Ymir bristled and Joe pushed forward.

"You stand there, judging me, cursing me, hating me, but you still haven't just done it! On the road, you hesitated! Hiking out of the woods, you hesitated! You hate me and Mikasa enough to want us out of your life forever, so how about you tell me WHY! Why haven't you killed me?!"

Ymir's face was calm though he could see her fingers digging into her arms as they remained crossed. She allowed his words to echo throughout the walls of the spacious garage before speaking softly.

"You want to know why? I sort of figured it out a while ago, I just never really put it together."

Joe stared back at her as she took a final step towards him, leaning against the car as well and staring down at him through dark eyes.

"I like watching you hurt. I like watching her hurt."

With that, she walked back to the driver's side door and put a foot inside.

"If you came with us, I would get to look at you and laugh to myself as you try to give a shit about the baby you gave Sasha and as you pretend to be happy to be there for her and while you curse yourself for leaving Mikasa to be raped to death like she deserves."

She gave him a last smile.

"That'd make me real happy."

Joe didn't move as the engine of their vehicle roared to life and Ymir pulled away, smashing through the thin garage door and speeding off into the night. It was quiet for several minutes before he paced several rows back to where his own car waited. He pulled himself slowly inside and looked to the rear view mirror as Kenny's son looked up; he appeared to have been sleeping.

"Are we finally going?"

Joe slammed the door shut.

"Yeah, we're going."

Ever curious, the kid looked around.

"Isn't that other man coming with us?"

Swallowing bile, Joe revved the engine to life.

"Change of plans."

By some miracle, the kid seemed to sense Joe's silent fury and distress, and he shut up. Giving him one more look as they pulled out as well, Joe tried to imagine what it was like to be so caught up in such a dangerous, hateful world and not understand for a second the gravity of it all.

Envy stung him bitterly.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Ymir had to keep herself from jumping in surprise as Sasha let out a sleepy shout and jerked her head up. Looking around frantically, she clearly was having a rough time trying to wrap her head around where she was, but Ymir let her process her surroundings without a word. Finally, Sasha's eyes came up to the front of the car and spotted her driver; she stared at Ymir for a few moments with wide eyes before dropping back into her seat, shaking her head, lower lip quivering. Moving her gaze between the highway and her friend, Ymir waited a minute or so before speaking quietly.

"Are you alright?"

Sasha gave a forced laugh.

"Yeah, I guess I'll live."

Her eyes turned out the side window to watch the highway lights as they passed one by one. It didn't take Ymir a moment to realize how clearly upset Sasha was and she looked for some way to alleviate her friend's distress.

"I, uh… after we got you guys out, I talked to Joe. I tried… I told him he could still come with us if he… "

"Shut the fuck up, Ymir."

Ymir did so, carefully keeping her suddenly high temper in check; she wasn't sure what a shouting match would do for the still snoozing Ilse and Historia, but she knew it would be better not to risk it.

"I did. Whether you believe me or not."

Sasha turned her eyes forward, agonized and hurting.

"Did you kill him?"

She asked it with enough conviction that Ymir was forced to briefly remind herself that Joe had been left at Zeke's compound very much alive.

"No."

Sasha looked back out the window without another word. Another minute ticked by with the only sound being the gentle rumble of the road beneath their tires. Ymir silently drummed her fingers on the wheel, trying to dig up something consolable to say.

"Listen, Sash, you didn't really want someone like him coming along anyway. He wouldn't be a good father, you're better off not having him around; when you deliver, you don't need someone like… "

"Ymir, I'm not pregnant."

The screech of tires and sudden stop as Ymir swerved over to the side of the highway somehow didn't rouse Ilse or Historia, though they both jerked in their sleep. The moment they had come to a stop, Ymir put an arm on her seat and spun around.

"What?!"

Sasha hadn't moved her gaze from looking sorrowfully out the window, but as Ymir looked, there was a strange fire burning in her friend's eyes that she didn't know if she had seen before.

"When we first arrived at Zeke's place, I overheard him talking… well, threatening Mikasa that he was going to hand her over to Kenny and her dad. I… I realized that… that there was something I wanted."

Ymir felt her heart begin to pound against her throat.

"I went to Joe's room. For a minute or so, I felt like I was going to go insane, if I really wanted to go through with what I had planned. But I did. I provoked Mikasa, and she did what I expected, she asserted herself over both me and Joe."

Her gaze drifted to her knees where her fingers dug into her pant legs.

"Joe climaxed with me, but not enough to… he didn't knock me up. But it didn't matter, I had did what I needed to. Even after Annie… even after what happened, I had to force myself to play the role… of a victim, of someone who had been raped. For days, I played the part, and two weeks later, I came to you."

Ymir could feel her mind coming to the conclusion that she knew was about to hear, but she tried to force it away; this wasn't something she wanted to hear more than once.

"I lied. I had hoped you would go to Joe, confront him, but you didn't, so I did myself."

The pain in her eyes was being burned by the fire Ymir had seen.

"That was the whole plan, to guilt trip him into coming with us, regardless of what he would be leaving behind."

She half-heartedly kicked the seat in front of her.

"Didn't work. Best I got was a promise that he would come for me when this was all over which I knew he didn't mean."

Ymir's tongue felt heavy and unusable, but she found she was still able to speak.

"You tried to steal him."

Sasha smirked down and Ymir suddenly knew what the fire in her eyes was.

"Yeah."

When she didn't say anything else, Ymir turned back forward and rested against her seat. Her mind was spinning as she tried to come to grips with what she had just heard; she didn't know what to believe anymore, what could be trusted. It seemed in that moment, that everything and everyone who was a part of her life only existed to lie to her.

 _Is this all there is? Is this all that I have left?_

To their left, a single car passed by, taillights whipping by in a flash of red before slowly shrinking into the night. Ymir wondered where they were going.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Are both my mom and dad going to be there?"

"I'm not sure."

"But my dad is, right?"

Joe grit his teeth as the incessant questioning hammered against his already aching head. He had hoped the kid's handheld gaming system would be enough to tide him over until the car ride was over, but it appeared that his attempt at futureproofing hadn't panned out.

"Yes."

There was a pause in which Joe counted the seconds before a kick against the back of his seat indicated that a fresh barrage was on the way.

"How much further?"

"Not too far, I told you, it isn't that long of a drive."

"I hope they have something to eat. Do you have anything to eat?"

 _Yeah, kid, got all kinds of snacks up here, what you want, some peanuts, some potato chips, a fuckin' slap to the back of the…_

"Afraid not."

"Do we have time to stop and get something to eat?"

"I thought you wanted to see your dad. You haven't seen him in a while, right?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

 _One… two… three… four…_

"What if we stopped at a drive thru somewhere?"

"We'd be going backwards to find one of those."

The kid harrumphed and sat back, banging his back against his seat with an annoying rhythm.

"Where is this place?"

"A little out of the way, it's a place your dad works at."

"Out in the woods?"

Joe swallowed as he glanced at the black silhouettes of the trees that were whipping by as they drove.

"Yep."

Another apprehensive pause as Joe prepared himself to keep from reaching back and strangling the kid.

"Are we almost there?"

 _Ask me in another thirty seconds, I bet the answer will have changed by then._

"Almost."

There then was a brief respite of silence in which Joe allowed his pain to almost double him over in his seat before something just in his peripheral caught his attention, and he slowed the car.

"Are we there?"

For the first time since being asked a question, Joe didn't feel anger at having to answer.

"Yeah. We are."


	63. Chapter 63

Joe's eyes never left the building as he parked the car a fair distance away and climbed out to collect his gear. The only lights beamed from a solitary window near the front and the overhead lights above two steel doors on adjacent walls; he had to go into this believing that Kenny was holding his side of the deal, however, and he knew that he had lost enough time already.

"Why do I have to stay in the car?"

The whining pitch of the kid struck a nerve that caused Joe to be reminded once more of the coursing pain rattling his body and he steadied himself with the thought that this was the last time he would have to be pestered.

"Your dad is inside and I need to make sure he's not busy or in the middle of something."

"Why are you bringing guns?"

"Because I work for your dad and bring him guns when he asks for them."

He could sense another question was just on the tip of the kid's tongue, and he jumped quickly to shut it down.

"Just stay put and he'll be out to see you in just a couple minutes."

That thought apparently was enough to keep the kid from adding anything else and Joe closed the trunk lid as quietly as he was able before double checking himself. His HK416 was loaded and on single fire with a Five-seven chambered on his hip; he tapped the wooden handle of his Colt as well to ensure it was still there and felt a curious tug of desire for his bat that wasn't slung over his shoulder. He couldn't even be sure where exactly he had lost it, but its familiar weight being absent was something he hadn't expected. The last time he had been a part of an operation like this it had been when he still worked for Hange and he realized as well that this was the first time doing something like this on his own; in the past, there had always been someone else alongside him, someone to watch his back or vice versa. Feeling a short, sharp pang as he thought to Ilse and Annie, he pushed forward.

The building wasn't large, nor was it particularly small; perhaps the fact that it was the only thing to observe within the black, thick woods that contributed to this, and Joe didn't doubt for a single second that there was at least one subfloor, possibly multiple. When he was sure he was out of sight of the car, he slipped into a more comfortable stance, crouching slightly and moving quickly, hands waiting on edge to raise his rifle the moment it was necessary.

Kenny had promised that all the guards under his command would be otherwise preoccupied and not present, but he couldn't keep away any extra people assigned by Reiss or his brother. For this reason, Joe wasn't surprised to find several cars parked on the other side of the building as he circled it cautiously; no cameras seemed to look out towards the tree line and after a quick scanning of the perimeter, Joe pushed in.

The first heavy metal door was unlocked as also had been promised and he pushed into what was a series of simple, bright hallways, lit by fluorescent lights that lined the ceiling. Beyond his opening and closing of the door, the only sound came from the soft hum of what was likely a ventilation system, but he waited just at the entrance for a solid minute to listen intently for anything that could pass as human activity beyond his own tempered breathing. Nothing came, and he pushed deeper into the den.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Ymir had waited until Historia had woken up before telling her and Sasha what had transpired after they had been knocked out by Galliard. Historia had reacted as expected, swallowing deeply and allowing tears to quietly flow when she found out about the deaths of those people she had known for years as schoolmates. Sasha on the other hand also acted as expected, though Ymir had hoped for otherwise after her cold confession a half-hour prior; glaring coldly out the window, she had done nothing beyond raising her eyebrows briefly. Her only reaction would come when Joe was mentioned in which she would clench her fists at her side and the line of her mouth would sour. Historia didn't seem to notice, as caught up in emotion as she was; an occasional question would come from her, but she had nothing to say beyond that. Ymir tread carefully on her words as she could feel Sasha fuming while she talked of the events that had just recently transpired.

"… we made it downstairs and had a brief standoff with Galliard before we managed to take him out, get you guys and get on the road."

She hadn't been surprised to feel herself entirely opposed to mentioning that she had nearly made the worst mistake of her life in firing on where she had believed Galliard to be in her state of emotional numbness. Historia had hiccupped from behind her.

"And Joe… Joe left?"

Ymir knew what the question implied, but before she could confirm or deny anything, Sasha gave a snort of derision.

"Yeah, he went off to rescue a controlling, crazy girl who's probably dead by now anyway."

Looking at the both of them in the mirror, Ymir had seen Historia recoil.

"Sash!"

The brunette was still glaring out the window.

"What? Tell me I'm wrong."

"You shouldn't… you can't… he loves her!"

"Yeah, well, you can beat a dog every day for years and it'll still wag its tail when you come home."

Wet trails staining her cheeks, Historia stared with wide eyes at Sasha as the harsh words rebounded inside the car.

"Sasha… I know you wanted him to come with us… because of… what happened between you."

Ymir only reacted by tightening her grip on the steering wheel, waiting for the same chilling confession she had heard prior to Historia waking up, but Sasha seemed content not to speak any further.

"But you can't be angry at him! Not for this! Not for doing what he thinks is right! What would any of us do if we were in his position?"

Sasha turned to regard her with eyes painfully reminiscent of Annie's frigid orbs.

"I would hope I would man up and take responsibility instead of running off on a wild chase that only is gonna result in him finding a body or two."

The car had grown quiet then as Historia had come up with no response to her friend's cruel rhetoric. Ymir hadn't made any move to be anything more than their driver and several more minutes ticked by before they had come up on a gas station where she deemed it would be prudent to top off considering that she was planning driving through the night. Pulling in, she noted the light on inside the station, though no one manned the counter, possibly in the restroom or on break. Assuming she wouldn't need to explain why they stopped, she climbed out, feeling a rush of relief towards the cold, fresh air for freeing her from the tension within the vehicle. Before popping the gas lid, she saw a scrubber at the pump behind them and decided to take care of the stain on the windshield that had been bothering her since they had got on the road. Several meters towards it, she heard a car door open and slam behind her.

"Ymir!"

She turned to see Historia marching towards her, arms crossed against the cold of the outdoors and a fierce expression on her face. Realizing she wasn't surprised, Ymir only had to take a couple steps to meet her before the blonde had swiftly closed the distance between them.

"What's wrong?"

There was a single second Ymir was able to take to reflect on what a stupid question that was before furious words assailed her ears.

"What's wrong?! Ymir, what the fuck is wrong with Sasha?! Why is she acting like this?! For weeks, she was frightened and quiet and wouldn't talk to anyone and now… "

She pointed back to the car angrily.

"Now she's cold and rude and harsh… it's not her Ymir, what's wrong?!"

Looking over Historia's shoulder to the car, Ymir wondered if she ought to play dumb and let Sasha tell the blonde when she was ready, but it seemed to her that if she hadn't in the moment prior, she was content to keep her mouth shut. Closing her eyes and steeling herself briefly for what she was about to say, Ymir took a step forward to be within reaching distance of her girlfriend.

"Historia… Sasha isn't pregnant."

Any number of words could be used to describe the blonde's face then, but the best ones Ymir figured ought to be used were confused and upset.

"She… what?!"

Before she lost the will to keep talking, Ymir continued.

"She faked it in an attempt to guilt-trip Joe into coming with us."

Historia's tone dropped slightly which Ymir hoped was a good thing.

"But she… didn't… they didn't have sex?"

"No, they did, she was just able to use that to verify her story."

No further questions came immediately and Ymir watched as Historia shifted her weight slowly back and forth as her eyes dropped to the asphalt beneath their feet while she tried to grapple with what she had just heard. Her hands clenched on her arms as they remained crossed, her face fell into a look that looked both resigned and stunned.

"Oh."

Her shoes scuffed against the ground beneath her feet.

"Oh."

And swiftly, she turned and marched back to the car without another word. Ymir stared after her for a moment in surprise before realizing likely what was about to come and taking off after her.

"Historia, wait!"

The blonde reached the car several long meters before she did and yanked the car door open and reaching in. Ymir didn't even reach the back bumper before she had pulled Sasha out of the car and shoved her away from the vehicle with enough force to send her staggering; Ilse could be heard crying from inside.

"What is your PROBLEM!?"

Historia advanced on her with her small fists clenched.

"My PROBLEM!? Sasha, Jesus Christ!"

Ymir reached the both of them who could very likely come to blows and stepped between them.

"Stop, stop, stop… !"

Historia stepped forward and hit Ymir with a hard shove that forced her back.

"Don't you defend her for this!"

Feeling her pulse accelerate considerably in her throat, Ymir raised both her hands, trying to move her head between both of them as quickly as she was able.

"I don't want this, NONE of us want this!"

But Historia seemed to have stopped noticing her and was glaring over her shoulder.

"You LIED?! You told him that you were going to be having his fucking CHILD?! Just to steal him?!"

Sasha's eyes flicked menacingly towards Ymir briefly, who oddly enough, didn't feel threatened by them; an angry throbbing was resonating in her gut that wasn't allowing anything resembling fear to grow.

"You both need to… "

Blasting over her, Sasha jabbed with an accusing finger.

"You're going to try and put me on blast for lying after what you pulled with him?!"

"You're trying to compare this to THAT?!"

Sasha turned her head skyward giving a shout of mad laughter towards the darkness.

"You practically RAPED his dumbass! AND you took his kid without telling ANYONE where it actually came from!"

With a crazed motion, Historia dragged her fingers through her hair.

"That's DONE! That's over, I didn't tell anyone, but I didn't flat out lie about it to anyone to try and sway someone's mind!"

Chest heaving as she looked to try and calm herself, Sasha crossed her arms, inclining her head.

"You think he should run off after Mikasa and make the stupidest mistake of his life by assuming there's any chance to save her?"

"I don't think it's your choice to decide that!"

Sasha roared and punched the one of the gas pumps.

"I SUFFERED FOR MONTHS BECAUSE I THOUGHT I HAD TORN HER LIFE APART AND GOTTEN JOE KILLED! AND NOW WHAT?! HE'S BACK AND ALL OF THAT, EVERYTHING WAS FOR NOTHING! YOU WERE SHOT FOR NOTHING, HANGE GAVE HERSELF UP FOR NOTHING, ILSE AND YOUR SISTER DIED FOR NOTHING!"

Pushing under Ymir's arm, Historia managed to close the distance, loosing a hard punch that sent Sasha staggering; swearing, Ymir wrapped her arms around the blonde, pulling her away while she screamed.

"AND IT'S OUR FUCKING FAULT! STOP TRYING TO BLAME OTHER PEOPLE OR JUST YOURSELF, THIS IS ON ALL OF US! WE CHOSE THIS LIFE, WE GOT INVOLVED IN ALL OF THIS! WE WERE WILLING TO TAKE THE CHANCES BECAUSE OF THE MONEY, AND LOOK WHERE IT GOT US!"

Feeling under her eye where the hit had connected, Sasha slowly looked up and straightened herself.

"Then it would make perfect sense that I would do something selfish now, wouldn't it?"

Her voice had quieted itself menacingly, but Historia still looked furious, her voice a reflection of her mood as she shouted.

"YOU KNOW AS WELL AS I DO WHAT THIS IS!"

Sasha took an aggressive step forward.

"Yeah? What's that?"

"YOU LOVED ILSE!"

As though she had been simultaneously slapped and doused in freezing water, Sasha stiffened, her face going from angry to shocked.

"YOU LOVED HER, BUT YOU NEVER HAD THE FUCKING GUTS, EITHER OF YOU, TO TELL EACH OTHER HOW YOU FELT! YOU JUST SLEPT WITH EACH OTHER, DOING EVERYTHING LOVERS DO WITHOUT EVER EVEN ACKNOWLEDGING WHAT YOU WERE TO EACH OTHER!"

Bringing her hands up, Historia shoved Ymir away roughly, clenching her fists as furious tears streamed down her face.

"AND NOW SHE'S DEAD! AND YOU'RE USING JOE AS A FALLBACK?! GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!"

Letting out a sound that was both a scream and a moan, Sasha lost control and rushed forward, pulling back and swinging a hard fist; Historia backpedaled and raised her own fists, fully prepared for a fight. Once more, Ymir moved forward to get between them, but as she did, her foot caught on her girlfriend's and she stumbled. In that moment, as she tried to right herself, she fell in the way of Sasha who was barreling forward with the determination of a freight train and she was glanced by the brunette's shoulder. Toppling backwards, Ymir had a single second to look at the love of her life and one of her best friends lunging at each other like starved wolves before her head slammed into the gas pump behind her and she unwillingly slipped into oblivion.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Florian sat with her back against the wall, running the scenario over for the hundredth time. It wasn't an escape plan or an idea to overpower the next person to enter her cell, but rather she was replaying the night in the forest over again in her mind's eye, trying to think of how she could have caused it to go differently.

 _Maybe… if I had pushed away from Mikasa when she pulled me down, I could have been in a position to…_

It had no relevant bearing on anything, but having something to think about, to focus on, even if it was something as horrible as reminding herself of her sister's death, it was still a way for her to distract herself that she could be killed the moment Abel failed to protect her location.

 _Would that be so bad, really?_

As if right on cue, the door swung open and revealed her sister standing in the doorway, a perplexed look on her face. Florian granted her nothing more than a disdainful look before turning her gaze down to the floor once again.

"What do you want?"

Not missing a beat, Abel glanced down the hallway before looking back to her.

"We're leaving."

Florian's mind immediately raced to consider all the possible meanings this could entail, but she didn't dare get her hopes up. Raising an eyebrow, she turned her gaze back to her sister, but didn't move beyond that.

"Why?"

Furrowing her brow as though she couldn't believe what she was hearing, Abel shook her head with her mouth open a moment before gesturing furiously.

"What?! We don't have time for this, we need to leave!"

Her voice was a raised, frantic whisper, enough to make Florian wonder what was wrong, but she still couldn't bring herself to simply go along with what her sister was demanding; there was something very satisfying about watching her sister squirm like this.

"Why?"

Biting her lower lip angrily, Abel looked around in an almost manic way before leaning forward with her voice low.

"Very recently, Kenny Ackerman gets a phone call which shakes him the fuck up, and he won't tell me anything about it. Then tonight, he calls off every single of his lackeys that hasn't gotten specific orders to be here from our dad, two dozen men to about eight."

Despite herself, Florian found herself beginning to run through what could be happening.

"So what, you think he had to cut a deal with the feds or something? Hang our dad out to dry?"

Abel's frustration was clear on her face as she glanced back down the hall again.

"I don't know, I don't have a fucking clue, but we need to get out of here. If something's coming, it's coming soon."

Florian got to her feet slowly, inciting a relieved glance from her sister, but that relief faded to worry as she didn't so much as move from where she stood.

"Maybe I'm okay with this place getting raided. I'm essentially a hostage right?"

"No, you're… no, no, you're not a… "

"You can sputter all you want, but that's what I'll be seen as. A captive, a victim, just as important to save as the girl you've let be tortured downstairs for weeks now."

There was something immensely pleasurable about seeing her sister, who had acted so high and mighty, and appeared so in control, boil as she seemed to be doing then. Abel was breathing heavily and her eyes were glowing with a strange desperation that caused Florian to smirk.

"I get saved and get to go free, no more of this bullshit, being locked in here while you pretend to give a shit about what happens to me."

With a frantic speed, Abel closed the distance between them so that her face was inches from Florian's.

"And what if it isn't the feds, huh? Not the straight cops coming in for a raid?"

Florian didn't so much as blink as her sister hissed furiously at her.

"It could just as easily be a rival group that kidnapped Kenny's son and negotiated a deal to take this place and Kenny evacuated his people to keep his hands clean. They show up and find you, an attractive young woman who it appears the world has forgotten about? You think they won't find some use for you?"

Involuntarily, the healing cuts and bruises that covered her body tingled, and Florian took a step back, eying her sister with disgust.

"You want to run Abel, run. I've got nowhere to run to, and I'm sick of pretending otherwise."

Staring at her with a look of mixed shock and defeat, Abel only watched as Florian sat back down, shaking her head with a pained look on her face.

"Everything I ran from, everything I tried to do to fix things that I was hiding from, none of it matters. None of it amounted to a fucking thing. Frieda died for nothing and the only happiness I felt over the past half ten years has become nothing but a hole to remember."

The words that came from Abel's mouth then were pathetically last ditch.

"He… he wouldn't want you to do this."

With a harsh laugh, Florian shook her head again.

"Yeah? What would you know about what he would want for me? Did you find him when he was weak, and surrender yourself to him the same way he surrendered himself to… "

In a sharp resonating moment, several loud pops echoed somewhere above them; Florian cut herself off, looking upward with her sister as, for a moment, her pain was subsided by fear.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

It wasn't difficult to tell that she was dead.

Joe stood amongst two other bodies that lay sprawled haphazardly on the floor from where he had shot them both dead. They had opened fire on him the moment they had seen him, retreating into the room which he had chased them into and put them down. He would have gotten to the room eventually, but it was still no less shocking to see what lay before him.

Hange's body had been dead long enough for the color to have left her face, but not long enough for any real decay to have set in. Only a single dim bulb lit the room, just over the table, providing a frightful view of the corpse which had all kinds of evidence suggesting that death had not come by anything near natural causes. Judging by the medical equipment that was scattered around, it could have been surmised that someone had been trying to nurse her back to an at least somewhat stable condition, but they hadn't succeeded. It was strange that the room had been left in such a state of disarray as though whoever had been working in it had left in an extreme hurry.

Taking several slow steps over to the table where Hange lay, Joe was surprised that he wasn't reacting worse than he was; either shock was keeping him from crumbling even a little bit, or putting down Dust and taking back his psyche really had toughened him to an extreme.

 _Hange… did even you have any idea this would all end up this way?_

Her unseeing eyes gazed solemnly up at the ceiling and he reached over to close them, gritting his teeth. He had seen enough dead eyes that day, enough that he was sure they would haunt his dreams for the remainder of his days. He also found himself practically unwilling to look at her body, not because of the extent of the damages, but because he didn't want to imagine any other of the prisoners he was here for being in a similar way.

"Well… I guess even you couldn't stop this all from going to shit."

Backing against the wall nearest the table, he leaned into it and looked for several moments at the body, trying to sort through his feelings.

 _If not for you… I never would have wound up here. Things may never have come anywhere near this. But you just had to bring me on…_

He chuckled as he listened to himself try and lay the blame elsewhere yet again. Eventually, after what was likely a couple minutes, he peeled himself from the wall and moved towards the door. No guards had come running at the sound of the gunfire, likely because they either weren't there to hear it, or because they were lying in wait for him. Regardless, he needed to move on.

 _Time is short after all._

Looking back to the table, Joe tried to think of something at least mildly profound to say.

"I'm sorry."

That was all he found himself able to manage and he turned to leave.

"Don't move."

He had only managed to spin halfway before the voice spoke and he saw the barrel of a gun in his peripheral, staring him down. Whoever this was had come very quietly into the room, impressively so. Joe obeyed the command even as his brain told him that there was something familiar about the voice.

"Turn slowly."

Joe did so and found himself immensely surprised as the gun lowered away from his face. His shock only tripled however as he saw who had been holding him briefly at gunpoint, but a tight grin still slipped its way onto his face.

"Hey, Levi."


	64. Chapter 64

Ymir snapped her head up as consciousness returned to her swiftly; she would have surely slammed her forehead against the dash of the car if her seat hadn't been propped back and the seatbelt hadn't been there to reel her from moving too far forward.

"SASHA!"

The name flew from her lips as she sucked in a huge breath and her brain began to absorb what it was seeing.

They were back in the car they had stolen from Zeke, and were once more on the road. Behind her in the backseat, Ilse was once again sleeping away, not a care in the world as darkness flashed alongside them, the headlights of the car being the only external light from outside the vehicle. The gentle green glow of the dash lit up Historia's face as she looked from the road to Ymir nervously, but she didn't say a word as Ymir heaved in air and returned herself to the land of the living. Slowly, the events of what had previously transpired returned to her and a sense of tread predated the name she spoke once more, quietly and as a question.

"Sasha… ?"

Historia seemed to sense what Ymir was fearing and was quick to respond.

"She's… alive. After you were knocked out, she was able to bring me down before the owner of the gas station came out to try and stop us. She knocked him out too and then ran into the station to scrub the security camera footage. Then she ran back out and went into our car for something, swiped the keys off the owner and drove off back the way we came in his car."

Involuntarily, Ymir looked over her shoulder back down the blackness they had come from as though expecting to see Sasha's car retreating into the distance.

"She… went back?"

"I don't know where she went. After she took me down, she never said a word to me or even seemed to acknowledge I was there. She just… left."

The dread in her stomach replaced with a pit, Ymir pulled her seat up straight, eyes down; she could tell Historia was still looking at her.

"She went back for him."

As she saw Historia straighten in her peripheral, she realized this was the last thing the blonde wanted to talk about.

"You don't know that."

"Why else would she have gone back? She has nothing back there for her, not anymore. She tried to take Joe and now she thinks she can manage it."

There was a brief moment of silence before Historia's disheartening response.

"Well, if that's the choice she's made, that's the way it's going to be."

Ymir knew her girlfriend didn't want to talk about this and while the next words she said were to herself, she knew they likely wouldn't be taken that way.

"I should have stopped her… "

Blonde hair whipping around, Historia's first syllable was raised to a sharp pitch, but she seemed to catch herself knowing that Ilse was sleeping and lowered her tone to an angry hiss.

"Why do you care?! She didn't care about escaping with us, she didn't care about running away herself! I don't know when she changed, but she changed, just like he did!"

Ymir had nothing to say to the truth of those words, but her girlfriend plowed on anyway.

"She faked being sick, scared and pregnant, and it didn't work. She and Joe grew cold and selfish and… "

She turned back to the road, giving her head a small shake.

"Maybe they're meant for each other."

Turning her head to look over, Ymir's gaze was not returned and she looked back to her lap as they continued to drive in silence. She couldn't understand it; she had… THEY had done it, she was escaping her life with Historia and their child, finally being able to run away from everything and yet the only thing Ymir could feel was a freezing hole in her stomach.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Ever the stronger of the two, Levi grabbed Joe by the upper arm and pulled him against the wall next to the door; his eyes were fierce and cold, but there was a clear tiredness about them.

"What are you doing here?"

His commanding tone would once have been enough to cow Joe significantly, but in his present state it did little more than bounce of his eardrums as a simple question. He yanked his arm from the other man's grip sharply.

"I could ask you the same question."

Levi's eyes narrowed a fraction as he considered the question, but he clearly didn't seem to think there was necessary time to argue.

"I came here looking for Zeke."

A distant sound echoed from somewhere outside the room and Joe's eyes flicked briefly towards the door.

"Well, you're a good ways off, Zeke's compound is a few dozen miles away from here."

He hadn't assumed that Levi would have been foolish enough to believe that this small building was serving as a guise for Zeke's operation, and the violent snap her received proved his assumption correct.

"I'm well aware of that. But this building belongs to Kenny and if I'm to understand his relation to Zeke they are engaged in some form of partnership. If there is any place to start looking, it would be with him."

Glancing down, Joe pulled free the magazine of his assault rifle to double check how many shots he had left.

"Good plan, but I'm afraid Zeke won't be one much for conversation."

Levi's tone was uncharacteristically harsh.

"I care little what he will 'be one for' as I only wish to kill him."

Somehow, this wasn't terribly surprising and Joe gave him a look.

"Afraid we beat you to it."

For the first time since Joe could recall, Levi seemed to almost deflate; he picked himself up quickly, however, and retreated behind his usual cold mask.

"What are you talking about?"

There was a curious feeling in the air, and Joe found himself wondering if he ought to be entirely truthful with Levi; he had no ill will against the man as he had done so much to aid him and his companions, but there was something about their encounter now that felt off. Still, there would be no hiding of the overall truth of what had happened earlier that night.

"Zeke was keeping us penned up under the pretense of protection, when in reality, we were just bargaining chips to use with or against Kenny and Reiss. We… "

Levi raised a hand before he could dig into his next sentence.

"Wait, Reiss? One of the girls?"

The idea that Levi may very much have been living under a rock compared to what he had learned over the past couple weeks occurred to Joe then; knowing there was little time to waste, he jerked his upward.

"All of this, all of these facilities, people, businesses, Kenny's entourage are under the direct orders of Rod Reiss, Historia and Florian's father."

The cold eyes of the shorter man bore into him.

"He's the kingpin."

"Yes."

"Everything that's happened… has happened either under his orders or with his blessing."

"More or less everything, yes."

Levi's eyes slowly lowered, clearly processing what he had just heard.

"Go on."

Speaking as swiftly and concisely as he deemed appropriate, Joe walked Levi through the weeks that had passed previously and speaking to the events that had happened that night. He neglected to mention that Ymir had been granted the opportunity to confront some demons of her past with Zeke before being the one to execute him personally, choosing instead to state that the gunfight left those dead without anyone really being able to tell who shot at who. He neglected too to mention what had happened in the garage between himself and Ymir and assuming that Levi wouldn't be far off in guessing that they had gone their separate ways on bad terms. By the time he had finished, what had sounded to be two more gunshots had thudded from far off.

"… and that's where we've been. I don't know exactly where you disappeared to after the forest… "

"I was taken captive by Zeke and then knocked out and dumped on the outskirts of some backwater town. I've been hiding out and trying to track him down since."

Not remotely interested, Joe nodded robotically.

"That said, we don't have a great deal of time. This building, not sure what you thought it was, this is a prison, and I intend to finish what I came here to do before any sort of reinforcements arrive."

"And what did you come here to save?"

Joe knew that he also hadn't referenced that Florian and Mikasa had been taken during their time at Zeke's compound just as he hadn't mentioned that cutting a deal with Kenny was the reason he had the hour or so to do what he was trying to do.

"Mikasa and Florian are here. I came to get them out and Hange as well, though… "

He glanced towards the body that lay on the table feet from them.

"I'll only be able to manage two for three at best at this point."

He glanced towards the door, his impatience not being able to be staved much longer.

"But I really ought to get going."

Placing as much finality in his words as he could, Levi seemed to take the point he was trying to make.

"Right. Would you mind telling me where Zeke's compound is located?"

In another now, Joe might have asked what Levi intended to gain from going to a place that was surely in a state of disarray, with underlings in a full state of panic as the decomposing bodies of their leaders lay next to one another in the control room. But the pressing nature of his own situation kept him from asking and he divulged the information quickly with which Levi accepted it with a sharp nod before turning for the door.

"I don't know if we'll see each other again. I honestly hope we don't."

Joe took no offense to this as he waited for Levi's back to disappear out of sight. Once more, Levi paused as he stood in the door frame.

"You've changed."

And then he was gone. Joe listened to his footsteps fade away and even after they had, he contemplated those two words for a moment longer.

 _I know I have._

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Can you use one of these?"

" _Why do I have to learn how?"_

" _Abel's younger than you and she knows how."_

" _I don't care about Abel, why do I have to… "_

' _Because I want you to be able to protect yourself. If ever I can't."_

Even just seeing the pistol that Abel offered her nearly sent Florian into an overwhelming whirlpool of memories. She couldn't remember the last time she had fired a gun, but as she recalled the first time Frieda had taught her how to shoot, she felt herself briefly become sick. Despite the urgency of their situation, Abel seemed to catch the look in her eyes and gave her a moment to collect herself. Swallowing bile, Florian reached out and yanked the weapon from her sister's hand; as she moved for the hallway, Abel's eyes were the last thing to turn themselves from Florian's direction.

"Good."

Florian didn't know why entirely she was going along with this; most of what she had said had been to goad her sister, but that didn't stop her from feeling there had indeed been truth in what she said. She didn't know what there was to live for, their father's shadow would always be looming over their shoulder, no matter where she went, and with Joe gone…

"Where are we going?"

A strange thought had suddenly occurred to her. From her position ahead of her as she led them down the hall, Abel looked back with a briefly annoyed look.

"I'm getting us to a car and we're getting out of here."

They were coming up on the junction of the hallway that would allow them to continue to elsewhere and the also housed the door that Florian knew led to a very specific stairwell. And they were bearing down on it with significant speed.

"We're getting her out, too."

Abel's steps stuttered as she clearly froze to try and make sense of what her sister had just said before straightening her back and shaking her head.

"No."

Florian seized her by the upper arm and spun her face to face.

"We have a chance to escape and there is a girl down there who is being tortured beyond belief, and you're not even going to consider saving her as well?"

Abel barked a fearsome laugh as she turned to continue their progress.

"You're really gonna hit me with some moral bullshit now of all times?"

Pulling back hard, Florian forced Abel into the wall; short blonde hair whipping around her face, Abel's eyes glowed fiercely as her sister hissed at her.

"Now, when it matters! I don't know why you've been working for Kenny, why you've been working for father after what the both of them did to us when we were only fucking kids, but I honestly don't care. If my moral compass is the only one present right now, that's fine, but I am not leaving without the girl downstairs."

For a single, scary moment, Florian wondered if they were about to come to blows over this before Abel shoved her back angrily.

"Fine. But if we die for this, I'm gonna knock you out in hell."

Florian barely took notice as the one to take the lead became her; shouldering open the door, she let the resounding bang echo up and down the stairwell as it slammed against the wall and the echoing had barely begun to die away as she raised her pistol to a ready position and entered the hallway of the lower floor.

She hadn't a clue where the gunshots had been coming from when she had been arguing with Abel in her cell, but the floor they found themselves on was ghostly quiet.

"She's that door down at the end, right?"

"Yeah, let me go ahead of you, I need to make sure they didn't… "

"Abel!"

A deep, gruff voice called out behind them and Florian spun in tune with her sister to confront whoever had just spoken. The door swung shit behind the man from the same stairwell they had just descended down and Abel stiffened. While she knew little about him, even Florian's small grasp of information on Mikasa's father was enough to recognize him and immediately cause a chill to run down her spine. As he spoke further, Florian noticed her sister move to slowly position herself between Florian and the man.

"What the hell you doing?"

Florian could recognize the nerves in her sister's voice in an instant.

"His… my dad's orders, I'm moving her to… "

"Don't play me for an idiot, girl. Something's very wrong tonight and I get the feeling you know a little more about it than I do."

He took a single, heavy pace to the right and Abel followed suit to continue blocking him from Florian.

"What are you talking about?"

An angry fire glowed in his eyes while a dark smile crossed behind his thick facial hair.

"Don't tell me you haven't heard the gunshots. They woke me up while I was napping in the lounge upstairs. I came to have a look around and only found bodies of guards, much fewer in number then there should be tonight."

Abel paused a moment too long though it was clear by her next words that she was trying to concoct some level of believable story.

"I did hear the shots, that's why my father ordered me to move… "

"Bullshit. Your daddy ain't in this building and he sure as shit doesn't have a clue what's going on tonight."

"I literally just got off the phone with… "

"No, you didn't, because I did."

His smile widened as Florian felt her sister's fabrication collapse.

"Look, I don't know what exactly had possessed you to continue to do work for the men who stole your childhood from you, but it doesn't take a genius to figure that it looks like you finally have had a change of heart."

Florian saw his hand twitch towards his waist and she instinctively put both hands on the grip of her own pistol.

"So unless you and your slut of a sister want to join the number of corpses upstairs, I suggest you… "

"Is that DARIUS ZACKLEY I SEE?!"

Florian felt an embarrassing squeak of surprise pass through her throat as a voice from behind her boomed out loud and commanding; she jumped to the side, turning as she did alongside her sister. She felt her breath catch in her throat.

"… Joe?"

It came out as barely more than a whisper as Joe slowly walked the length of the hallway towards them. He looked more confident then Florian could ever remember seeing, his eyes fierce and mouth set in a grim smile. Garbed in mostly dark clothing and with several firearms on his person, he looked ready for just about anything. Zackley straightened somewhat at the shouting of his name and now regarded Joe with a strange look.

"You know my name."

As Joe neared Florian and her sister, she tried to catch his eye, but he paid her no mind, gaze fixed on the man ahead of him.

"Yeah, sorry for shouting dramatically just now, but I had to make sure I got your attention."

He brushed past Abel without as much as glancing at her and stopped a good fifteen feet from Zackley; he raised a finger as well as his eyebrows.

"So that's indeed your name."

"Yeah."

Joe spread his arms in an open gesture, but Florian noticed as they came down, his right hand dipped gently back to near his holster.

"Well, in the interest of good faith, it's only fair I tell you mine also."

"I know who the fuck you are."

Cocking his head slightly at the gruff words, Joe crossed his arms.

"Oh?"

Zackley's hand twitched and Florian had to refrain from shouting a warning to Joe.

"You're Joe. You were the guy who was fuckin' my daughter and the guy who Kenny's been trying and failing to put in the ground for fuck knows how long at this point."

Joe chuckled softly.

"Really now, especially considering that I know your actual name 'Mr. Ackerman,' you can drop the whole lie that she's your daughter."

Zackley laughed back, a much harsher, grating sound.

"We could ask her what she thinks, if you hadn't already snagged her."

From the side of his face that she was able to see, Florian watched Joe's smile remain, but it was clear to her how forced it now was.

"What are you talking about?"

Shaking his head like he was trying to deter an irksome fly, Zackley growled.

"How many of you fuckin' young people are going to be feeding me shit tonight? I know you fuckers snagged her and are planning to run off with her."

Joe's voice sounded distant.

"Did we now?"

Florian didn't even have time to react; by the time she had raised her gun in response to the booming roar of Joe's revolver, Zackley was on the ground, groaning in pain and Joe's gun was back in its holster. He rubbed underneath his nose as he eyed the struggling man ahead of him.

"Of all the shit I suck at, good thing I can still shoot."

Moving much more quickly then he had in approaching initially, he leapt over to Zackley; reaching down, he grabbed the larger, brawny man and shoved him against the wall in a sitting position. Florian made to move to him, but Abel put out a hand to stop her from advancing as Joe spoke in a low tone.

"You're been hurting her… raping her… torturing her since she was a damn kid. Her and her mother had to suffer at your hands for years and even now… "

His head shook in a robotic, disbelieving way.

"Now I can't see an ounce of fucking remorse in your eyes."

As Zackley made a pained hacking noise, Florian could see the hole in his midsection that had felled him.

"She was supposed to be my finest project… but after all those years, she never fuckin' broke."

He spat at Joe who didn't even flinch in response.

"I'm betting you're the reason for that. I could never get her to that point where she just… gave up. I was close while she was in high school, but then… a couple years later, I found out that she and her damn mother would stay up after dark to talk… not frequently mind since she was never in the house much after she graduated."

From sitting against the wall, he tried to push himself up, but got nowhere further than a couple inches. Cursing, he slumped back down and continued.

"One night, I overheard them talking about you. She mentioned your name, how she felt… happy when she was around you."

He laughed and it turned into coughing very quickly.

"I knew it had to be you, then, that was keeping her from where I needed her to be."

As though they were just having a simple conversation, Joe nodded, his reply calm.

"You were trying to drive her insane."

Knocking his head against the wall behind him, Zackley threw back his head, laughing again, louder and longer.

"Well, whatever. You're going to kill me now, but I can only imagine how much luck you're going to have with the bitch, I really did a number on her."

His laughter died down and Joe waited until it had passed for several seconds before standing.

"You really don't know where she is, do you?"

With an air of annoyance, Zackley glared at him.

"Quit playin' boy, just put me down already."

A single, quiet laugh escaped out of Joe's nose as a puff of derisive air.

"No."

He turned slightly to kick away the pistol that Zackley had dropped; Florian hadn't even noticed the older man inching his hand towards it.

"I'm gonna let you live. Because I know that me killing you now is far better than you deserve, and I don't think I'm meant to do it anyway."

As though possessed, Zackley roared and rocketed to his feet.

"YOU MISERABLE LITTLE SON OF A… "

Joe's elbow slammed him in the forehead and drove him against the wall once more with a heavy amount of force; head banging the wall hard enough to leave a dent, Zackley crashed to the ground unconscious. Stepping back, Joe shook his forearm, muttering angrily.

"Shitfuck… "

Only then did he seem to realize that he wasn't alone with the older man; turning his head, he regarded the two blondes with a subdued air.

"Little sis busted you out, huh."

While trapped in the room she had been confined to, Florian had been gifted an excessive amount of time to play out scenarios in her head, scenarios that she could only dream would happen, over and over. This was one of them.

 _What do I say?_

It didn't take a genius to tell immediately that Joe was different from the pleading desperate self he had been the day Abel had come for her in the forest. There was a much more controlled aura about him and a coldness that seemed intensely set on carrying out whatever task was at the forefront of his mind. And Florian had no idea what to say to him.

"Yeah."

She grit her teeth as the lame response left her mouth, but Abel had spoken up before she had a chance to correct it.

"You got Mikasa out, then?"

Joe regarded her carefully as though trying to decide on whether or not to be truthful.

"No. I got here too late, by the sounds of it."

He looked up and down the hallway at the half dozen or so doors, then back to Abel, who pointed to the one she had taken Florian to the day she had tried to convince the both of them that what she was doing was right. Joe turned and marched towards it and Abel jogged ahead to accompany him; Florian found herself only able to stagger slowly after them while she cursed herself for not being able to talk to him as she once had.

 _What happened? How could I finally see him again and not… have anything to say?_

She thought to the conversations they had undergone early in their relationship, how easy and fun they had been, how vulnerable he had shown himself to be to her, what he had said to her on Christmas Eve that had melted her heart.

" _Who are you that, no matter how much everything tries to swallow me, eat me alive… you touch me… and it goes away."_

The wrenching of the heavy door against its own rust and decay roused her from her memories and she stepped up alongside both Joe and her sister and looked in the cell with them.

The room was devoid of any persons and was in fact devoid of just about anything. No tools were present, no instruments of pain could be seen as a reminder for how the dried blood and excrement on the floor had gotten there, but the two things that struck the senses were the rickety wooden chair that remained bolted to the ground and the gut-wrenching smell. Florian stepped back as it hit her nostrils, the urge to vomit arriving as it had the day they had seen Mikasa chained to that same chair. Abel made a face and looked away as well, but Joe stood framed in the doorway as lights spilled into the dark room, unmoving. It took the popping of bones for Florian to look to Joe's side and see his knuckles clenched to white.

"You can kill him you know."

It seemed Abel had also noticed Joe's physical response to the emotions that were now surely raging and she was now eying him with reserved concern. Slowly, Joe breathed in and let out a deep, rattling sigh.

"A very long time ago, I would have jumped at the chance. But now… I know it's not my choice to make."

He looked back to the crumpled body of Darius Zackley.

"I shot him where I knew the bleeding wouldn't be fatal and I don't plan on killing him now. I came here tonight to free three people. One is dead, one is gone, and the other is safe. There's nothing left for me here."

The pain in his voice was harshly noticeable, but it didn't reflect on his face. Abel scratched the back of her head with a pair of fingers then.

"Well… feel free to tag along with us."

He looked at her flatly and she shrugged.

"We're skipping town as I'm sure you plan to do as well. From wherever we wind up, you can ditch us and start looking for Mikasa, or just disappear or whatever you want to do, I know you probably… "

"Whose side are you on?"

The question cut through her words with sharp clarity and she trailed off, looking at Joe, unflinching at his fierce gaze.

"Now? My own."

His eyes looked her up and down as his head bobbed in the faintest of nods.

"Alright, then."

Taking his words at face value, Abel nodded and made for the stairs.

"If Zackley wasn't lying and I have no reason to believe he was, we don't have much time to… "

"About ten minutes to be exact."

Stopping in her tracks, she looked back at him.

"What?"

Florian looked from Abel to Joe as she now stood between them. Joe was now looking back into the cell, eyes glowing dimly with the orange glow that emanated from the room's only light source.

"Go ahead and get ready to leave. I've got one more thing to take care of."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

After all the times she had awoken to the smell her own blood and shit, to the stuffy air and dark confines of her cell, Mikasa was surprised as she awoke slowly and painfully to hear a soft rumble and to smell leather.

 _What… ?_

The moment she tried to move, her body screamed in protest as the burns, cuts, bruises, and areas of missing skin zapped her with their collective pain. Despite the enormous shock, a pathetic moan was all that pushed past her lips as her eyelids opened like two giant ancient doors cracking open.

"Try not to move much."

The voice from ahead of her was something she barely noticed as she looked up and saw the flashes of several eyes, burning and accusing still staring down at her; pulling a hand over her eyes, she whimpered a plea for them to leave her alone. Then, as the voice spoke again, they all vanished like smoke.

 _Am I still dreaming?_

"You are awake, yes?"

Mikasa then became aware of the fact that she was in a car, lying on her side in the backseat of what appeared to be something no bigger than a suburban. Her blurry eyes spent several long seconds adjusting enough to make out the shapes of the front seats, the windows, the dark flying by, and the only other person who seemed to be in the car with her, the driver. She made to reply, but all that came from her throat was a humming moan that bounced from her vocal chords and escaped her mouth just barely. A soft snort from the driver's seat told her she had been heard.

"As soon as we get to a rest stop, I'll go ahead and take a look at you."

If the very thought of it hadn't caused her pain, Mikasa might have let a laugh escape her; as it was, she knew she had to be dreaming as how in the world could she have gotten in a car, driving through the night with Sasha as her driver?


	65. Chapter 65

None of it particularly made any sense to her, but that wasn't very important; nothing made sense anymore. She was glad at least that the voices and faces weren't assaulting her anymore, but she felt as though they had only retreated somewhere where they could watch her struggles from afar.

Waiting for her to be let down one last time.

 _They'll be the ones let down… he'll come. He always comes._

She wasn't sure how her mind was allowing her to envision being in a car with Sasha so vividly, but she was alright letting the façade play out; she knew it wasn't real, but for now, the pain that was spared her believing in it was enough to want to go along with it.

 _Besides… Joe will come for me._

The very thought made her eyes well with tears that burned horribly.

 _He'll come._

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''

They were both standing and waiting for him as he exited the building into the cool night air. Stopping to regard them, he couldn't help but smile to see Kenny and Carven reduced to what they were now; hardened criminals and killers were now nothing more than frightened parents with fearful eyes, trying to maintain a posture that suggested they were still in any sort of control. There was a savage rush of pleasure that coursed through him as he enjoyed his momentary dominance over the man who had caused so much destruction in his life and the lives of those he cared about.

"Are you… finished?"

Kenny seemed to almost be stuttering over his words and Joe's smile widened despite the cold hole in his gut.

"I am."

The older man seemed to very slightly lurch as though he wasn't sure he should say anything further despite his tremendous desire to do so. Palms out, Joe extended his hands.

"You're both carrying, I assume?"

Even with the dozen feet between them, Joe could see Kenny grinding his teeth furiously, clearly at the edge of his sanity and patience. Carven looked to be a good deal more in control and nodded calmly, though the look reflected in her eyes from the lights cast from the building betrayed her anxiety.

"We are."

"Gonna have to take them, hand em' over."

Kenny jerked his head and what was likely meant to be a motion similar to a head shake and Joe raised his eyebrows; Carven reached to her side and put her left hand on wrist while reaching behind her.

"Kenny."

Hearing his name, he looked over to her fearfully and watched as she pulled free her sidearm and threw it to land near Joe's feet. Several seconds passed after it hit the ground before, very reluctantly, Kenny followed suit, his arm moving slowly as if an invisible wire were holding him back. Before his pistol had even come to a rest in the dirt near the weapon of his partner, Joe had bent down to collect them both; stowing them behind him, he gave the couple an affirmative nod. They stared at him with those same terrified eyes and after several long, painful seconds, Kenny inclined his head slightly.

"So… are you… "

" _Hange, I never asked… when you had me pop that can in your office… what was the play there? How did you know I was a practicing quickdraw?"_

 _On the other side of her desk, Hange spun in her chair, smiling playfully at him._

" _As soon as Mikasa had your name and was ready to head to your place to bring you here, I dug a little on you to see if I could find anything interesting."_

 _Despite the playful look, a dark glint passed over her eyes._

" _I was going to kill you, you know. We'd hit you with some questions, make sure you hadn't passed along any information that we would have been partial to, but I found you on Facebook. Your roommate had you tagged in a video of the both of you doing some target practice and you were moving that revolver very impressively."_

 _Surprised that he hadn't managed to surmise that, Joe looked down, disappointed with himself._

" _Oh. I guess that makes sense."_

 _She laughed at what was surely the glum look on his face._

" _Don't look so put out, you big baby, if I hadn't gone poking, the same girl you're currently dating would have likely been the one who blasted your damn brains out."_

In near unison, Kenny and Carven both let out pained cries skyward as the sound of two thunderous snaps echoed a moment before. Impressed with his own accuracy in being able to hit them both that quickly that near the knee, Joe returned his Colt to the holster; both of them now lay on their sides, clutching at their shot legs. Carven had her eyes jammed shut while she cursed rapidly and under her breath and Joe met Kenny's eyes as the older man fixed him with a tight glare.

"Sorry, had to make sure you guys weren't going to try anything. Be right back."

The moment he turned and began to walk back to where he had stashed the car, he realized how very easy it would be to simply… leave. He had no obligation, nothing riding on keeping his end of the bargain at this point. He could leave them bleeding in the dirt with nothing keeping him from just…

 _She's gone._

A strange whistling seemed to be rebounding in the back of his ears and he twisted his head in discomfort; he was well aware too of the pounding that was hammering the frozen area of his gut as though something was trying to break out in a hurry.

 _It was all for nothing. I did all of this, risked all of this, for nothing. Jean died for nothing. She's gone._

The crunching of the dirt and twigs beneath his feet was growing obnoxiously loud as the light from the compound behind him faded over his shoulders and the dark began to swallow him up as memory led him to his stolen vehicle. There was some feeling he couldn't identify doing a serious number on his innards and he felt saliva ejecting itself from his glands into his mouth, but he had no urge to vomit. Feeling very much like his body was running on autopilot, he felt his way around the back of the car and yanked open the door.

"Is he FINALLY here?"

Some last remnant of restraint kept Joe from reaching out and knocking the kid over the head and he reached in to pull him out, firmly, if not roughly.

"Yep. Let's go."

He could tell the kid was excited to finally see his parents again; there was nothing that indicated he truly understood the gravity of what his situation had been, but as Joe kept a grip on the boy's upper arm, it was clear by the occasional tugs that he was ready to be done with it. The whole walk back, however, as Joe watched the kid intently, all he could see was a reminder of something that was very much lost to him, something he wasn't going to be able to experience.

 _Something I don't deserve to._

As the lights mounted on the walls outside the compound lit them up as they approached Kenny and Carven, the boy saw them relatively quickly. Carven had managed to reach a position where she was propped up on her side, legs splayed out beside her and Kenny had made it ahis uninjured knee, looking like he was very much wanting to get on his feet.

"Mom! DAD!"

His voice caught their attention immediately and the pained looks they were wearing were wiped away as their eyes doubled in size to see their child. He made to run to them and was restrained; he looked back resentfully, but Joe's eyes remained locked on Kenny whose eyes in turn had flushed with fresh worry upon seeing that he was unwilling yet to release his son.

"C'mon, man… it's over, it's done. Let him go."

 _It's done._

The uncomfortable feeling rushed back and Joe twisted his head again, hissing angrily.

"It is, isn't it… "

Carven, who had previously seemed very much more in control of her emotions, was now shaking as she extended an arm.

"Please… just let us… let us all go home."

 _Home? What home? My home? My parents' house? My trailer? My dorm room? Mikasa's place? My home? No, no, no, there is no home you stupid bitch, anywhere I could have called home has been taken, I can't go back, there's nothing left, everything's gone, don't you fucking understand what you people have done to…_

"Mister, please?"

Joe looked down to see the boy's free hand tugging at his sleeve, looking up at him, all obnoxious and mind-grating pretense gone. Nothing but a child who missed his parents looked up at him.

"Can I go?"

Looking up from the kid to stare at Kenny and Carven who looked as on edge as any two people could be, Joe swallowed his and lowered his gaze; as he did, he unhinged his fingers, freeing the boy from his grasp.

Joe watched as the kid's face flashed with happiness and he turned to his parents. They both extended hands towards him, ready to welcome him back into their lives and as he took a single step forward, time stopped. He watched the joy bloom across each of the three individual faces and he thought to Kenny granting consent for the torture of Abel, Mikasa, Hange, Florian and who knew what other victims. He thought to how many lives had been blasted to smithereens by Kenny's ruthless agenda and thought to what had been lost ever since Kenny had stepped into his life the previous year. The cold hole in his gut was throbbing relentlessly as he tried to rationalize allowing such a man to have this kind of relief and happiness in his life.

 _But I'm horrible too. I've tried to do well, make good decisions, but I've killed, stolen, lied and hurt people… people I care about._

He looked at Kenny who wasn't looking at him anymore, that wicked, worn face alive with alleviation.

 _I'm a lot like him, actually._

The boy made it about three paces before an arm reached out and wrapped itself around his neck. What was surely a query as to what was happening was forced into a squeak as he was hoisted into the air sharply and swiftly while a hand gripped him by the top of the head and yanked. A loud, splintering pop shattered the night air a moment before the kid's knees hit the ground, granting his lifeless body to follow suit a second after. The only sound that escaped him was a gentle sigh as the last remnants of air rushed slowly from his lungs and then all was still.

The throbbing in his gut vanished.

Carven's scream pierced the night air as the sound of a person being tortured in the most painful way possible; her hands moved towards her face as though she were going to clasp it as her eyes widened even further, unable to move from the sight of her dead child. Her lungs emptied quickly and she inhaled quickly, a second scream issuing from her throat as she bent forward like a tree in the wind, mingling with the echo of her first. It lasted much shorter than the first as the same thunderous snap that had knocked both her and Kenny to her knees sounded a last time and she toppled over backwards. Her eyes rolled over white as the hole in her forehead leaked blood onto the dirt, black against the pale lights from the compound.

Kenny's face was nothing but emptiness. It looked as though he could burst into a rage or tears any moment with his mouth slack and eyes dulled. Joe wondered if he was trying to comprehend what had just happened in only a moment, where so much had been taken from him.

" _Sasha, c'mon, you crying's gonna make me cry."_

" _Don't do it man, don't do it… "_

" _Don't… please… don't leave… I can't… "_

Joe's gun was back in its holster again, but he could see Kenny's head in his sights regardless. The silence that now rested over them was infracted upon quietly as the dirt ground beneath Joe's heel; he paced slowly past the body of the child who couldn't have been more than eleven years old and past his mother whose body had ceased twitching. He let his shadow cast over Kenny and reached down to lift him by his chin. Looking down into those hollow eyes, he let a very dark smile cross his face.

"Now it's over."

Not spending one more second looking down at the defeated man, he gave him a shove that caused Kenny to topple over and Joe stepped past him to walk to where Abel had instructed him. The building curved around to the quasi-parking lot where he noted the two blonde women sitting in the front of a black suburban; wasting no time, he walked over and opened the backdoor of the car, sliding in quickly. And just as he slammed the door shut behind him, he could have sworn the bang of it resounded with the bang of a gunshot, issued from somewhere outside. He kept his eyes locked on the center console as he could feel his suppressed emotions trying to burst free and wreak havoc, and he knew Abel and Florian were both watching him. Finally, the former spoke up.

"So… are you going to tell us exactly what that… "

"Shut up and drive."

He didn't look to either of them as he knew doing so, especially if he locked eyes with Florian, may be enough to send him into a mental frenzy; he couldn't bear looking into her innocent and hurt face now. Abel fortunately seemed to sense it fit to obey his wishes and drove them swiftly from the compound and into the night, leaving the lights behind them as they raced for the highway.

Reiss would arrive minutes later with an entire convoy of reinforcements and find nothing but his right-hand man lying dead next to his family, two missing prisoners, an unconscious Darius Zackley and an immediately suspicious lack of guards. He raged and cursed his own lack of attentiveness to what was clearly a very ongoing situation with Kenny and his missing child, but it had been resolved and there was nothing left for him to do.

Joe remained sitting in the backseat of Abel's vehicle, vaguely aware of the sisters having a low argument over what their best course of action was, and was glad that no one was looking back to him; it wouldn't do well if anyone saw him smiling.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Her eyes focused and sharp, Sasha didn't miss the turnoff on the side of the highway where a strip of parking spaces lined the edge of the trees and a few picnic tables dotted the edges of the white lines. She knew this was as good as any to be a place to stop and she pulled in, not bothering to park properly, and killed the engine. For a moment, she sat in relative quiet, letting the few seconds of peace grant her calm; this lasted only briefly as Mikasa let out a strange and guttural moan from the backseat and she opened her door, climbing out into the night air.

The faintest, gentlest pushes of light were easing over the mountains ahead of the treeline and Sasha knew that it was likely nearing the end of the early morning hours.

 _Which means I'm running out of time._

She walked around the side of the car and opened the backseat; Mikasa was lying on her side, truly a broken heap of a person. Sasha leaned against the roof of the car as she looked in on her friend.

"How you doing?"

It was a stupid question, but she was hoping to elicit a response of some kind as much as anything. Mikasa's arm lifted itself gently where it quivered in midair a moment before dropping back down as she let out a strange humming sound that seemed to issue itself from the back of her throat. Sasha looked up and down the road as she asked another question.

"You want to get out of the car?"

Another stupid question, but this time, Mikasa rocketed up to a sitting position like a woman possessed, eyes wild and wide. She looked around twitchily before eyes locking on Sasha who had backed up a step.

"He's… there's… here."

Babble came from her mouth, though Sasha was just as surprised she was able to form words as she was able to sit. She decided to push the second question once more.

"Do you want to get out? I can help you, if… "

Mikasa lunged forward and Sasha cursed, but the raven-haired girl did nothing more than grasp at Sasha's hoodie to pull herself from the seat; her feet struck the pavement and wobbled fiercely before collapsing against Sasha who caught her. Her sleeves already were stained with blood and filth from carrying Mikasa from the building, but as she watched the dressing gown that was all her friend wore flap in the gentle night breeze, she saw single wet spots on her shoulder from where tears had soaked through.

"Hear… it's what… can't have… "

More words that held no sense poured from Mikasa's throat and she made to walk towards the trees; she would have fallen had Sasha not begun to walk with her doing ninety percent of the work as she hauled the near helpless body of her friend towards the trees, but as they walked, she too realized she could hear something. The headlights of the car had yet to fade and allowed they to stumble over bramble, roots and fallen trees to where only a dozen or so yards into the trees, they trunks opened to reveal a large open area where a stream could be heard just ahead of them. The moment they made it free of the trees, Mikasa pushed away hard from Sasha and collapsed at the bank, throwing her head into the water; Sasha watched, slightly on edge, wondering if she might accidentally drown herself. Seconds later, however, her head popped up and she gasped for breath, her soaked black hair falling in sheets on either side of her head. Sasha stepped to the side and cocked her head.

"Feel good?"

This time, she wasn't even sure Mikasa heard her as the dark-haired girl gave a violent shiver and pushed herself away from the water. Sasha walked over and reached down, helping her find a sitting position on an old piece of driftwood. She looked back to the car to make sure no other headlights had come into sight.

 _Not a lot of time._

"He's… he'll be… coming."

Sasha watched the shivering, defeated and very possibly broken girl carefully.

"Are you talking about Joe?"

At the very mention of his name, Mikasa snapped to look at the brunette, nodding like an excitable child.

"Yes, yes… he won't… won't leave."

The headlights of the car flicked out, leaving the dim light coming over the mountains as the only source of sight that was allowed either of them. Sasha watched the silhouette of Mikasa lower its head and sniff.

"He… promised."

Blowing out a long sight from her nose, Sasha made no reply but instead looked toward the mountains; for many minutes they sat in silence as the sun crept its way up the far side of the range, eager to bask the world in its glow once more. As sight became easier, Sasha looked to Mikasa again.

Huddled like a homeless person sitting on train tracks, she sat there in the pale light, with no true sign of intelligence reflected from her face. Despite the disfigurement she had undergone, it was still discernible that she was born very beautiful, regardless of how much that was no hidden behind beaten and bloody skin, cuts and bruises. Sasha was truly amazed that she was even still alive; she had been sure at the time she had entered Mikasa's cell and nearly vomited at the stench that she was looking at a corpse.

"Sasha… I'm sorry."

After the lengthy silence that had fallen between them, the three words caused Sasha to start.

"I'm sorry?"

Mikasa was looking at her from behind the curtain of hair that messily fell in front of her face through two very pained and unresponsive eyes.

"What… I did. I hurt you."

Sasha was shaking her head even before she replied.

"No, don't… for Christ's sake, don't worry about that now, I'm fine. Worry about yourself."

 _Not that it'll do any good now._

Mikasa's gaze turned down to the rocks and twigs at her feet; despite it being nearly February, most of the snow had retreated, leaving nothing more than cold ground that Sasha was sure Mikasa's feet couldn't even feel anyway.

"I didn't… care about anything… that wasn't me and him… I'm sorry for treating you like… "

She broke off and brought her shaking hands up to either side of her head and Sasha inclined her own head.

"Mika?"

The girl was rocking slightly, and as Sasha listened, she could hear words muttered from between clenched teeth.

"Leave me alone… he'll come, you'll… you'll see."

Swearing to herself, Sasha stood up and paced a short distance away; taking deep breaths to steady herself, she looked towards the mountains and sighed again. Her heart was pounding very heavily against her chest, almost as though it was going to burst out.

 _Like this, huh?_

She only realized her eyes were closed as a bright glint pierced through her eyelids and she opened them to see the sun peering at them from over the mountains. It was warm against her face and felt like a as rejuvenating as anything could be; looking back at Mikasa, she saw that the sunlight had thrown the depressing visual nature of her friend into even sharper relief. Hunched and shaking, it wasn't a position she could ever have imagined seeing her in, not after she had existed as such a strong and cold presence in her life for so long.

 _What life deals…_

She steeled herself and then walked back over.

"Hey, Mika, I want to tell you something."

There wasn't an immediate reaction, but she sat down on the driftwood and put an arm around Mikasa, holding the cold, shivering form while trying not to notice the smell.

"You picked up on this a long while ago back when you caught me giving Daz a blowjob… but… I've always needed someone like that, I think."

She let her gaze fall downward as she tried not to think about whether or not Mikasa could even understand what she was saying.

"Maybe not sexually… but having someone that close to me, that intimate relationship, even if it was only for a few minutes… it was always something that was so… necessary for me."

She let her eyes grow wet as shame wasn't something she could even consider feeling in that moment.

"Ilse was that person. I had her for so long and then… she was just gone."

For the first time, she hoped Mikasa was in fact insane as it would keep any real retribution from coming her way after what she said next, though she doubted she had much to fear from the beaten girl at this point.

"I tried to steal Joe. I knew he was someone who I could be with, who I could rely on. I saw what he did for you, and I wanted that for myself."

She snorted at the outlandishness of her own plan.

"Didn't really work. But… I think I'm going to keep trying. I have to, not just because I think I'll die if I don't, but because… "

And she found that she couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence. It wasn't that she didn't believe the words, but insane or not, Mikasa didn't need to hear them, not now, not ever. Closing her mouth, she reached out and hugged her friend, trying to put all the emotions she was feeling into that singular movement; she was given no embrace in return, but Mikasa didn't try and force her away, which was enough for her. She thought then to a very similar instance, one where she had been lying on the floor of a warehouse, whipped brutally and Mikasa holding her and saying those words that Sasha had felt she needed to hear for so long as the morning sun beamed upon them.

 _For so long, I was sure that was what I had been after._

She forced down a sob that would surely have led to a much more damaging and time-consuming crying fit and placed her hands on her knees. Wiping a tear from her cheek, she took a deep breath.

 _Alright then._

She stood and turned to regard Mikasa who was staring at the water which was now reflecting the sunlight spectacularly.

"You excited for Joe to get here, huh?"

Again, at the mention of his name, Mikasa looked up, eyes flashing like a child's as she clutched the dressing gown to herself like it was her only possession left on the planet. Her voice left her throat in a hoarse whisper.

"Yes."

Sasha began walking slowly, trying to pull up questions to keep her occupied.

"What are you gonna do when he gets here?"

Mikasa's shaking hands formed shaking fists that she brought up to the sides of her face as her breath began to come in rasping heaves.

"I… I'm going to say I'm sorry. For everything I… I put him through. I'll… hold him and… kiss him and tell him that… everything is going to be okay."

Sasha allowed herself a fake laugh.

"Why are you telling him that? Shouldn't he be the one telling you you're gonna be okay?"

Mikasa shook her head strongly, black hair whipping around and catching in the sunlight like a living shadow.

"No, no, he'll just be worried about me, he won't be thinking about anything else, I… have to let him know I'll be okay."

Noticing that Mikasa was growing to be a better speaker the more she talked, despite the hoarseness of her tone, Sasha kept the questions coming as she continued to gently pace.

"Ah, so you're just worried about what he'll think?"

Mikasa made a strange noise that took Sasha a moment to realize had been a laugh.

"He worries… too much. I just want him to be… happy."

Sasha choked on nothing.

"That's… what it's all about?"

Nodding again, Sasha could see Mikasa smiling as she looked towards the sun, black hair flowing around her like water.

"Yeah… if he's happy, then I don't have to… "

The muzzle of Sasha's gun briefly melded with the sunlight as it flashed in unison with the retort of the gunshot; blood sprayed into the gleaming of the morning light as a fine mist and Sasha stepped back. Mikasa's body keeled to the side, falling unceremoniously from the driftwood and coming to a short, crunching rest on the rock bed that surrounded them. Sasha looked down at the crumpled form, trying to tell herself that she had indeed finished what she had set out to do.

Strangely enough, she didn't feel like crying.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Ymir had been running through roughly two hundred versions of the same couple sentences for the past hour or so, but she wasn't any closer to coming out and saying a single one. The car had been darkly quiet, save for the occasional soft sound from Ilse in the backseat. She had been trying to think of the perfect way to put into words her feelings on traveling overseas to start their new life, but she worried if this was in fact the time to do so.

 _The problem is… who knows how much time we have._

There were too many variables at play right now that Ymir knew could have them wound up in prison, federal custody and having Ilse taken from them; how the events at the cabin, at Zeke's compound and the hell that was likely being wreaked elsewhere by Joe could be traced to them, Ymir didn't know, but in times like these, it paid not to waste time questioning. She had to get her family somewhere safe, regardless of how far away that meant taking them.

"Historia, I think we should… "

"Canada."

Ymir was as equally surprised at how calm her voice had come out as to her girlfriend's immediate response. She allowed the interruption to hang in the air before looking over to see the blonde watching her with fierce, yet tired eyes.

"We hop the border and hide out for a couple years. I know you want to head overseas, right?"

 _Goddamn, she knows me TOO well. And she's right, we live under aliases without worrying about anybody connecting us from flight information and let everything die down first._

"That was what I was thinking."

"Where exactly did you have in mind?"

Ymir leaned back and rubbed her palms on her legs.

"I don't know, I thought… Switzerland?"

It was a country she had always dreamed of living, but now that she had seriously brought it out into the open, she felt suddenly worried at the prospect of having it shut down.

"Switzerland?"

Wetting her lips, she kept her eyes down.

"Yeah, I mean, just as a thought, there were a lot of places we could go, I just… "

"You love Switzerland."

She looked over to see Historia smiling at her; smiling back sheepishly, she scratched the back of her head, running fingers through her untidy black hair.

"Yeah, I do… I mean, if you had somewhere else in mind, we could always… "

"That's a beautiful idea."

Hearing this praise sent a warmth through Ymir's gut that she hadn't experienced in what felt like forever.

"You mean that?"

Raising her eyebrows as though unsure of the sincerity of the question, Historia nevertheless continued to regard her with a smile.

"I do. That would be an amazing place to raise Ilse."

Ymir sat up excitedly in her seat, suddenly very awake.

"That's what I was thinking… they have a lot of these little towns and villages tucked away in the mountains… "

"I've seen you looking at those."

"… we could find a nice house, away from everything, no one would come looking for us, no one would bother us… we could just… "

She struggled for the right word, which Historia seemed to find immediately.

"Live."

Ymir looked over.

"Yes."

As they drove up a straightaway, Historia took a hand from the wheel to pull Ymir's chin to her and place a tender kiss on her lips.

"Then that's what we'll do."

For a moment, Ymir's elation kept her from speaking and Historia let out a short laugh as she turned her attention back to the road. Ignoring the playful mocking, Ymir put a hand on the blonde's shoulder.

"Would you rather have a house built from stone, or wood?"

Speaking from the end of her laughter, Historia shook her head.

"I don't know, I hadn't really thought of… "

"I love the idea of a stone-built house… "

Historia reached over again and ruffled the top of Ymir's head.

"Then that's what we'll do."

Already beginning to visualize in her head what this would look like, Ymir leaned back.

"Yeah… and for Ilse, we could… "

They rounded a bend and Ymir had to keep herself from flattening her own face on the dash as Historia slammed on the brakes. The car came to a stop from the sixty or so miles an hour they had been traveling and Ymir grabbed the back of her sore neck, swearing.

"Baby, what the fuck was… "

Her eyes came up and she didn't need to finish her question. Ahead of them about twenty meters down the short incline of the hill they had rounded were four trucks, parked and with their headlights on. Several figures were assembled around them, numbering about a dozen and it didn't take Ymir a single second to identify them; the pointed hoods were a dead giveaway.

"You gotta be shitting me… "

Historia's fingers rattled against the wheel, the brief happiness gone from her face as her eyes watched each of the Klansmen in turn. As Ymir's heart rate began to bound, one of the hooded folk walked to the center of the little cavalcade and tapped an object in his hand. Ymir pondered what it was a moment before it became clear it was a megaphone.

"ALRIGHT, YOU SONS OF BITCHES. ONLY GONNA ASK YOU THIS ONCE: COME ON OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP OR WE WILL BLOW ALL YA'LL TO KINGDOM FUCKIN' COME."


	66. Chapter 66

" _ **I guess that's just part of loving people:**_

 _ **You have to give things up.**_

 _ **Sometimes you even have to give them up."**_

― _**Lauren Oliver**_

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Before the Klansman could even speak again, Ymir already had the majority of her plan worked out. She was well aware of the fearful roaring in her gut, but her movements were as calm and collected as she could hope them to be. Unbuckling quickly, she scrambled to look on the floor of the backseat where the three weapons she had stashed still lay. The commitment that she was about to make sent a numbing fire coursing through her, but as she moved back into her seat and looked over at Historia, she melted.

The same fear that was working adrenaline through her veins was visible all over the blonde's face, but Ymir looked past it to simply gaze upon the most beautiful person who had ever walked the face of the earth.

 _You lied to me… you cheated on me… you made me hurt in ways I didn't know I could hurt… but right now, there still isn't anything in the world that could make me happier than dying for you._

She could hear the Klansman on the road ahead of them talking into the megaphone again, likely restating what had already been said or issuing some series of threats, but Ymir's ears weren't picking them up word for word; her mind was working purely on what was to come next.

"Ymir… "

Historia's eyes were wide and glowed gently in the headlights being thrown against their vehicle.

"What do we do?"

The firmness and calmness of Ymir's own words were surprising to them both. She relayed the plan that had come together within moments in her head and watched as Historia's face went from scared to panicked; this had been the reaction she was expecting, but she knew they didn't have time to argue.

"We don't have time. This is our only shot."

She reached out to take Historia's hand who pulled her arms to her body; Ymir took her wrists and was pained to feel that the blonde was shaking badly. She looked back quickly to Ilse who had been roused by the raised voice from outside the car, and was looking around with passive interest.

"I… I… you can't… "

Ymir took Historia by the shoulder, unbuckling her seatbelt as she did.

"Go."

Historia didn't move, just stared at Ymir with eyes wide enough to freeze her in place.

"Ymir… "

She couldn't bear to look at her another moment.

"GO!"

She was aware of the blonde letting out a choked sob as she reached behind the seat and passed Ymir the assault rifle and the two magazines that were ready for it. As Ymir snapped one in and thumbed the safety off, she had a fleeting pull to look over her shoulder to see Historia crawling to the trunk with her baby.

 _Just one more time…_

"… _you don't really like getting stared at by the majority of the football team, do you?"_

" _What? I don't… "_

" _C'mon, you gotta know that you're attracting eyes like crazy being on the cheerleading squad, especially looking the way you do."_

" _I don't know what you're talking about."_

 _She wasn't flustered anymore, but had crossed her arms over her small frame and thrown her blonde hair aside huffily, hiding how much Ymir had put her off. Hitch was yelling for her, but they both ignored it._

" _Is that all? You just came up to me to ask if I like being stared at?"_

 _Ymir looked at her a moment longer, sizing up the person that was so clearly hiding so much, the same way she was._

" _No. But I got what I wanted."_

"Historia."

She could hear the sounds behind her quiet as the blonde stopped moving to listen to whatever Ymir had to say. The three words were like nectar from heaven as she spoke them.

"I love you."

And after a moment, they were mirrored back to her, running through her ears with all the grace of an angel.

"I love you too."

Moments before she moved, Ymir shook her head.

 _Aw hell, who better to die for?_

Screaming, Ymir kicked open the door of the car; putting the barrel of the gun between the car's frame and the door, she fired indiscriminately towards the hooded figures ahead of them. They cursed and yelled and scrambled for cover, only a couple even attempting to return fire and missing wildly as they did. Ymir squeezed the trigger until thunder stopped echoing around her and jolting her shoulder; as she reloaded, she heard the trunk open and slam.

 _Run like hell, girl._

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

There was a very irritated looking skin ailment that seemed to run over her shoulder and down her back and front a good foot or so. As she put an arm around the torso to lift the body, she realized there was a strange indention that turned out to be from where a strip of skin was missing; it appeared to have been trying to heal, but the wound appeared readily on the verge of infection. And of course, the ridges that she felt along the back as she laid it down served as a stark reminder of that night where so much had gone so wrong.

Sasha couldn't help herself from noticing the violations that had been cast upon Mikasa's body as she moved it to near the creekside grave she had spent the early hours of the morning digging. She wondered if she was just using that as an excuse to distract herself from how completely numb and empty she currently felt. It hadn't been her plan, not even in the slightest; all she had meant to gain from saving Mikasa was a means to getting closer to Joe, however she might manage that. But as the person who had once been her friend had whispered words and shuddered on that log looked at her that last time, it had just seemed so singularly and perfectly necessary.

And now she was dead.

She wiped her brow as she worked into the morning; her ears twitched as she did so, as she could almost swear that gunfire seemed to reach across to her over the sunstruck mountains.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Ymir worked her way up the mountainside to overlook the road. The sun was making its way up quickly, but for now, she would need to rely on the headlights of the cars to pinpoint where she ought to be aiming. High powered rifle slung over her shoulder and enough ammo to kill the lot of them provided she could aim true each shot; she was scaling up on the opposite side of the road that she had told Historia to run for and she need to start shooting at them quick so they had a direction to fire and move towards. If she could hold their attention long enough, Historia and Ilse would be long gone.

 _And then so will I… in a manner of speaking._

She didn't want to die. She wasn't honestly planning on dying, but there was every chance that what she had signed herself up for wouldn't have a happy ending.

 _Hold them until I'm out of ammo… then I'll find her._

That goal was enough to force her burning muscles to work overtime; she reached a small ridge that overlooked the road by sixty feet up in close to a minute. Even with bringing the scope up to her eye and panting heavily, she was still able to quickly make out the shapes of the Klansmen frantically moving around and trying to reorganize. Ymir didn't hesitate.

Firing from a top down angle made the chances of a hit being a killshot higher, but her targets were smaller and more disorienting to look at, but the first shot she took sent a man to the ground motionless. Hoping that was a good start, she went prone and lifted her arm, raising the pistol she had with her and pointing it down; spraying wildly, she hoped that the muzzle flash had done the job she wanted, but before she even could crawl up to see if it had, a voice from below called out.

"Up there! On the ridge!"

Gritting her teeth in satisfaction, Ymir leapt to one knee and fired again before beginning to jog along the ridge. Realizing that for the first time in her life she was looking to have attention drawn to her during a gunfight, she laughed long and loud as the sun hit her face before roaring obscenities and insults at the top of her voice.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Sasha found quickly that she had underestimated just how long it took to dig a grave as well as fill it once it was done. She had heard a car roar by on the backroad which had caused her heart to skip, but it had passed without event. She stood now in an almost waist deep hole looking down at Mikasa's body that she had just laid there. Eyes closed, she looked as content as Sasha had ever seen her if she looked past the ridiculous amount of damage that the body had suffered through. She couldn't shake the feeling that this was missing something; just burying her nearly naked body seemed… improper. She had buried many a body in the past without fanfare or ritual, but this was still someone who had been her friend for years, who she had laughed, drank, partied, and cried with. She needed better than this.

She deserved better than this.

Before Sasha knew it, she was talking, speaking more honestly then she ever had, to a person who could no longer hear her.

"I always as jealous of you, Mika. No matter what it was, people always saw you smarter, prettier… just better than all of us. And I let it get to me."

She leaned against the wall of the grave.

"We were friends, always, but that didn't stop me from resenting you. Even when I found out what… your father was doing to you, it didn't stop me from wishing I could be in your shoes."

A sad, grim smile pulled at the edges of her mouth.

"I was enough of a whore in high school to probably not care what that meant."

She stopped talking and suddenly realized she didn't feel confident enough to start talking again. It came, but with no small amount of urging.

"You should know, I'm not going to tell Joe when I find him. And I WILL find him."

Looking down at Mikasa's face now inspired her to keep talking; this was the last chance she would have to say any of this.

"I'm not going to tell him I found you, that I took you, and that I killed you. I'm the only person who will ever know you're buried by this creek."

Sasha looked around at the pink morning sky and the sun that was rising radiantly as her next words came out as barely a whisper.

"I hope you like it."

She looked back down.

"I resented you, but I never hated you. I never wanted this to happen to you, and I'm not doing this because of anything I have against you."

The smallest shrug tugged her shoulders.

"But I don't like my chances if I tell Joe what happened here. You'd understand that, at least."

Before the next words were even on her tongue, her eyes burned.

"But… even if I can convince him to try… even if I get the chance I want… he'll never look at me the same way he looked at you."

Tears fell.

"I hope you know that."

She stared down at the pale, lifeless, perfect face for a moment longer as a flood of memories threatened to overtake her. Then, she climbed out of the grave and began to fill it.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The plan was remarkably simple, but Ymir knew there was plenty that could go wrong. If she could lure them up to where she was, she would be able to pick them off relatively easily and then dip back around them and make a run towards where she had sent Historia running. They had called her out and her hope was that they were coming to get her; knowing she was exposing herself to them, she knew as well they would need to be remarkable shots to hit her while she was scaling up the side to get a better view on them and see if her plan was coming to fruition. She was moving quickly enough that unless…

 _Huh?_

The pain waited to register oddly before she even hit the ground; her legs simply seemed to stop working a moment and she toppled backwards into the dirt. Gasping, she realized that the pain wasn't from hitting the earth but rather from the hole in her back where she had been shot.

 _Goddamn… I had to go and fucking jinx it…_

She had only a few seconds to moan into the ground before the shouting of the pursuing Klansmen forced her up. The voices were closer; they had to be coming up on her. Cursing through her pain, she pushed herself onwards, higher up the mountain.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

It had almost broken her as the first bit of dirt she shoveled hit Mikasa's face; getting ahold of herself, she had ripped off her shirt to wrap around the dead girl's head before pulling her hoodie back over her head. The world still seemed so to exist behind a wall of haze as though where she stood, next to this creek, existed somewhere else entirely.

That was certainly how it felt. Numb and distant.

Focusing all of her will to keep herself from recognizing what she was doing, the filling of the grave took an exceptionally short period of time at least in her head. It was hideously bizarre to know what she was doing, but if she let herself focus on it, she knew there was every possibility she would fall to pieces.

 _"We can pass blame around all day, but, no matter what way we look at it, he's gone. And we can't fight that, the same way we can't fight each other. I won't blame anyone else and you won't keep hurting yourself. It's over."_

 _"Maybe it is over, but… please… don't try and hide it. Not anymore. You have every right to mourn, but it doesn't always have to be in secret. You want to cry, then cry. We're your shoulder to do it on."_

 _"I'm your shoulder."_

She froze in place, staring at the ground, her hands shaking. Had that really only been months ago? A time where she and Mikasa needed each other that way and now…

 _I just killed her._

The four words caused her body to heave a massive shudder and sent her to the ground where she curled into a fetal position, letting her tears sink into the dirt that now forced Mikasa's body downward. She only allowed herself to grieve for a couple minutes; she had to remind herself, as another car could be heard passing by on the highway, time allowed no reprieve, even for the broken.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"COME AND FUCKING GET SOME, YOU PUSSY TRAILER TRASH!"

Ymir was able to roar out the occasional verbal insult every half minute or so, but she was positive enough know that they were coming to get her. She could still spot a few of them scrambling around the vehicles left in the road, either to try and drive off or to take cover. But Ymir could only confirm in her head that she had knocked over three of them and the fact that there were so few now in her eyesight told her they were swarming through the trees towards her; this kicked her adrenaline into overdrive and the burning in her legs was a distant afterthought as she moved as quickly as she could to higher ground.

"You can't hide from us!"

 _Ain't trying to, big boy._

Finally finding a lump of raised earth to prop her rifle, she glared down the scope as her now prone body frantically recharged. The bright side of being chased by Klansmen was that unless they wised up and stripped of their telltale garb, one could see them coming from a mile away, especially, considering the white against the dark, morning trees. Even with them firing wildly in what they believed to be her current position, she still very easily was able to keep safe while having tabs on their location. Ymir took solace in this fact as a white figure broke into her vision and she placed a round through his shoulder; he shrieked and collapsed in a heap, writhing, and Ymir took the chance to sling the rifle back over her shoulder and continue moving.

" _Daddy, why don't we belong anywhere?"_

 _It was a rare night, her father was home prior to when Ymir was in bed. He was working in his office granted, as he most often did when he was home, but he was still listening to her and looking at her with tired eyes._

" _Honey, what are you talking about?"_

 _She had felt frightened when thinking about asking him about it beforehand, but now that she was in front of him now, talking seemed so much easier. Toeing the ground, she put her hands behind her back in a traditional sign of childhood penance._

" _At school… some of the other kids… they say people like us… with our skin, that we don't belong."_

 _She looked at him earnestly, genuinely wondering the reasoning as to why they existed if they weren't supposed to. Something seemed to spark in his exhausted expression and he reached out, lifting her from under her arms and placing her on his lap._

" _Ymir, I need you to listen to me very carefully. Because what I'm about to tell you is very important."_

 _Putting her hands in her own lap, she looked at her father, both listening as instructed and grateful for his warm and calming touch._

" _We belong as much as anyone, no matter the color of their skin."_

 _She opened her mouth to further her question with an extension, but he seemed to anticipate her words._

" _We've been here longer then they have, you know. Your grandparents and their parents and their parents before them owned the wilderness before anyone else."_

 _Eyes widening at what he said, she inched towards him._

" _Really?"_

 _He smiled at her, the most heartwarming gesture he could have provided._

" _Really."_

 _Turning to the window, her father pointed towards the horizon where the last remnants of light were brushing the mountains that surrounded their small town._

" _Those will always be ours, Ymir. No matter what anyone tells you. We're the kings and queens of the mountains."_

As Ymir bounded up another ridge and dropped behind another boulder to heave in air and try and stem the flow of blood from her wound, her rifle digging into her back, she smiled skyward.

"Queen of the mountains… that's me."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Sasha patted down the dirt above where Mikasa's body now currently rested a couple feet beneath before going about arranging rocks and bramble to make the grave look as inconspicuous as possible. If she could have it her way, this burial spot would never be intruded upon by anyone; she had a thought in her head that she would make a pilgrimage to it sometime in the far future, but for now, it would rest and remain untouched. It was deep enough that she knew no animals would come scrounging for the body and looking at it now, no one would guess what its purpose was.

She didn't know how she would be able to face Joe when she finally found him. Mikasa had loved him, and him her. What was she to say? That Mikasa must be dead and gone by this point after being taken by her father? Her state would have made this apparently believable, but Joe had never seen her.

 _Goddamn it._

She hadn't a clue how she would be able to convince him that Mikasa was gone. It was the most desperate gambit Sasha could recall betting on, but it was all she had left. If Joe didn't accept her… there was little if nothing left for her.

Leaning against the nearest tree and looking at the sun rising steadily into the sky, Sasha dared to look down at the place where Mikasa's body now rested, her fate never to be known by anyone and closed her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Mika."

Grief and madness stung at her throat and she turned to walk back to the car before they got the better of her.

" _Guess we're paired up… you're that genius girl, right?"_

" _I wasn't aware that was my active title."_

" _Whatever. Name's Sasha."_

 _The raven-haired girl gave her a look before beginning to dig into their assignment._

" _Mikasa."_

The needle that indicated her revolutions per minute jumped to the five-thousand mark as she tore out of the parking lot, not willing and not daring to look back. Tears flowed freely and she let them, knowing that trying to stop them could ruin her. Despite that, she couldn't help herself from letting a single, last word leave her throat in a whisper.

"Goodbye."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

As sweat and blood ran down her body, Ymir gasped as she pushed herself over a ridge near what must have been the summit of the mountain she was currently scaling. Her whole body ached and screamed in protest, but ignoring it had become second nature since she had been shot; if the pain even got a slight foothold, that was all it would need to beat her.

 _Fuck me… gotta be close._

The shouting of the Klansmen behind her had silenced and she knew this was because the jackasses had finally picked up on the fact that a silent approach would provide them a better chance of being unnoticed. Ymir too had fallen silent, her insults fading into echoes that ran through the mountains as the only sound she heard now was her breathing and footfalls.

" _Ymir, how long are we going to keep lying to each other?"_

Historia's face flashed in front of her as Ymir sucked in oxygen and she chuckled as she rolled over onto her back as the morning sun beat down on her.

 _I'm starting to lose it, huh… hallucinating, Ymir? Really?_

But she let herself close her eyes for a moment and picture her goddess before her. She would get back to her no matter what, she knew that Historia was only a mile or so in the opposite direction and she was just about at the treeline at the top of the mountain that she would dip into to double back. As long as blood loss or exhaustion didn't prevail, she would be able to escape with her girlfriend and their child.

 _Ah, Ilse… I wonder what you would think if you knew we named the kid after you._

And as she thought to the baby's innocence and purity, she realized she couldn't imagine how she could ever have thought for a moment that anything bad could from something like that.

 _How could I just look at her… and associate her with the fact that… Joe and Historia spent a night together? I was unwilling to even give her a chance because of that?_

Joe be damned, Ymir knew then that she would be there for Ilse no matter of her origin; she was the daughter of her girlfriend and she would be Ymir's daughter too. That was the life she had chosen, and it was what who she had to be.

A parent.

 _Ilse… baby girl, I'll love you just as much as Historia, even more if I…_

Something suddenly struck her then and she jolted, eyes snapping open. It was a singular fact, one that might have seemed insignificant to anyone else, but it drilled its way into Ymir's consciousness with a fervor.

 _I never… I never told Ilse I loved her. Not once. Of course, she's a baby, it wouldn't matter to her, but… I never…_

Ymir rocketed to her feet, urgency flooding her bones and frame. She had to get back down the mountain and tell Ilse she how much she meant to her. After all the times she had said it to Historia, it had never occurred to her how so simple a phrase could be and how much it could mean to say it to the child she was going to spend the rest of her life taking care of. Turning, she looked back down the mountain as the words came involuntarily to her lips.

"Ilse, I'm… "

The bullet passed through her head and out the other side as simply as a thread would pass through a needle. She hadn't made it to her feet just yet and her upper body quavered at the sudden trauma, though the force was minimal as the shot passed through so easily. Her knee hit the ground first and the rest of her body followed soon after.

Her pursuers would reach her body shortly after and comb the surrounding trees for any possible companions, but would come up empty handed. During the search, they would receive news that police had taken over Kenny's most private facility after an apparent break in that had left several of their compatriots and Kenny himself dead. Panic would overtake them and they would rush back down the mountain and drive off in a hurry, never the wiser that Historia Reiss and her child her were rushing through the forest on the other side of the road. She would reach a township a half hour later and would hide out in a diner until she spotted some cash she was able to steal which allowed her to check into a cheap motel a dozen miles away where she would hope and wait for her lover to find her.

Ymir's body didn't move from the place it had fallen, never touched by the Klansmen who had taken her life. She would never know that she had collapsed at the very top of the mountain, the sun throwing the shade of trees around her, rather like a throne.


	67. Chapter 67

"… **and from there, we'll hand it over to you."**

" **Thanks, Harry. Well, it is a grim, mysterious and shocking situation a few miles outside of town. A tip led city police, led by Deputy Chief Smith, to a small compound where they were immediately fired upon by its occupants. After the brief siege that followed, three suspects surrendered and were taken into custody, though that is far from the most damning of this event. Upon further investigation, several bodies were found, including that of Police Chief Kenny Ackerman and his family. The tragic nature of this aside, police have spent hours combing the building and have found information that directly links the now deceased Chief Ackerman to the state drug trade and naming him an underling to the shocking kingpin himself, Rod Reiss."**

" **Mr. Reiss, the well-known, influential and powerful corporate figurehead, was taken into custody hours after the compound was raided and his lawyer has stated that no one involved in his mass business will be making any statements. In that thread, we can… "**

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"… YOU MEAN THAT JUST BECAUSE I COULDN'T SOMEHOW FATHOM YOUR CHOICES, YOU JUST DECIDED TO HIDE EVERYTHING?!"

Joe wanted to cover his ears and close his eyes to Florian's roaring, but he knew enough from experience that exasperated or snarky gestures when being berated by a female would only worsen one's present standing. Abel wasn't helping matters either, she remained as still and stalwart as a person could be as she drove down the relatively deserted freeway; Joe couldn't have been sure, but he was also fairly sure she had been smiling on occasion as her sister tore into him. Gritting his teeth, he knew that the most he could do to ease his situation would be to avoid eye contact and not raise his voice in return.

"It's not just that, at the time, no good could come from me explaining my past to you."

 _Don't do it._

"And as you may recall, we weren't exactly choosing to come clean to each other at the time, it was hardly one-sided."

His jab did exactly what he should have known it to do and as Florian pulled in breath to loudly rebuke him once more, he cursed himself and leaned back against his seat.

The drive certainly hadn't been going this way for very long, but it was wearing on him already as though it had. They had pulled away from Kenny's compound in virtual silence and it wasn't until they pulled onto pavement that Abel and Florian had begun to discuss in hushed tones about where they should opt to travel towards. Joe had still been reeling from what he had done moments before their departure, but about an hour later he had shook himself free of his self-induced stupor as they had started talking in the direction of the Great Lakes and he asserted that the coast may be a much better idea. Rather as though she had just then remembered he was there, Florian had nearly exploded like a bomb; taking advantage of their tight quarters and the fact that they were relatively alone, she had decided that at long last, she had finally decided to attack him with all of the pent-up frustration she felt towards him. Joe couldn't blame her, but it was getting wearing on his ears.

"… AFTER I TRUSTED YOU WITH EVERYTHING I HAD, YOU JUST WENT AND… "

"FLORIAN!"

He shouted her name once, louder than he wanted to, but the pounding in his head forced the exclamation from him with more intensity than he would have liked. He deserved to be shouted at, and she had every right to be mad at him. But as her words crashed against him like waves, as his body fell further into throes of pain from his degrading wounds, and as the fact that he may never see Mikasa again began to settle hatefully, his own wrath rose to a frightening degree.

"YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW I'VE FUCKED UP?! THAT I CAN'T POSSIBLY BELIEVE I'M ANYTHING LESS THAN A MONSTER?!"

As he became aware of the mad grin that was stretching across his face which surely clashed with the tears that were filling his eyes, he watched the anger in Florian's eyes burn all the brighter even as she allowed him to continue.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! FUCKING NAME IT, I DON'T CARE ANYMORE, I'VE HAD ENOUGH, THERE'S NOTHING THERE FOR ME ANYMORE, ALL I HAVE LEFT ARE MY SINS! IF YOU CAN EVEN BEGIN TO… "

It wasn't Florian who reacted to him then, but Abel who swerved sharply to then brake violently against the highways guardrail. Whatever possible amusement she had been taking from Florian berating Joe was gone as she turned in her seat to grab him by the back of the neck.

"ENOUGH!"

Her short blonde hair swung around as she looked between him and Florian, whose face was also shining with furious tears. When neither of them made any reply, she continued in a much quieter, yet no less biting tone.

"If you two want to have it out and scream at each other until your throats bleed, but in case you had forgotten, we're still very much on the fucking run."

With an aggressive shake, she released him, leaving the back of his neck aching.

"So I'm going to ask that until we manage to figure our way to safety, the both of you shut the fuck up if all you plan on doing is victimizing the shit out of yourselves."

She looked to both of them a last time and when the only sound that came was of their deep, angry breathing, she turned forwards and began driving again. Without another look at him, Florian threw her back against her seat, arms crossed as she stared fervently out the windshield as though trying to make it splinter with her gaze alone. Joe leaned slowly back into place his anger evaporating just as quickly as it had come; wiping his cheeks, he lowered his head and closed his eyes, trying to let his physical pain occupy the space of his mental pain. It had never worked before, but now, he wished more than ever that it would.

"Joe?"

Florian's voice had changed so considerably in its tone that for a moment, Joe was sure someone else was in the car with them, asking his name. He looked up to see that she hadn't moved and while her gaze was still furious, her voice had indeed fallen into a much more subdued zone.

"At the cabin… everyone thought you were dead."

Vile frustration glided through his veins; he didn't want to talk about this right now. What was possibly the greatest mistake he ever made was now coming back to rear its head once more, forcing him to relive it to someone who of course needed it explained to them, bit by bit…

"Why did you come back?"

He blinked.

"What?"

She shook her head the slightest fraction to the left and right.

"You… we could have just lived out there forever. Tiny town, no one knew we were there, it would have been… just us, none of this. But you came back."

Florian's arm pulled back at an angle to raise a fist above her head and Joe waited for her to begin pummeling the dash of the car and begin screaming again, but she lowered it a second later to rest gently on her lap when it seemed she couldn't muster up the anger to strike anything.

"Why?"

Her voice cracked on the single word and as her body gave a single, shuddering shake, Joe knew she was crying. And as she sat there, no doubt mourning the loss of what she had once believed to be a most miserable existence, Joe regarded her question in silence. It was something he had asked himself in an uncountable number of instance, but he realized he hadn't once attempted to answer it.

"I hate running. And yet… that was what I seemed best at for so long."

He looked out the window as the dim yellow streetlights whipped by in a consistent procession.

"I think I came back because of you."

Florian made no reaction to what he said, but he could see her breathing appear to slow.

"You reminded me what it was like to have a responsibility. You know, to someone else. Someone who might be hurting or in trouble."

Shaking his head, he gave a shrug.

"People died because of what I did, people I cared a lot about. And someone I know you cared a lot about. You don't have to believe me when I say I did what I did because I thought it was for the best, but I did think that."

Joe felt memories brush his consciousness and they kicked the guilt all the more into play.

"Maybe it would have been better if we just hung out in that Podunk town forever, flirting and joking, ignoring everything else that was happening."

He remembered Christmas Eve and a sad smile pulled at the corners of his mouth.

"Hell, I wouldn't have minded that at all."

Then he thought to Mikasa crying against him and the brief joy at the memory disappeared, a scowl forming then as he glared out into the night.

"Doesn't matter now, there's no going back. We can leave, but that's all we can do and you know that."

No more words were spoken then and the only sound became the rumble of the road beneath them as Abel dragged them deeper into the night.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"… **not even the only piece of chaos that has gone on this evening, in the early hours of the morning, police attempted to roadblock a vehicle with which they held probable cause against. Upon attempting to stop the vehicle however, the culprits attempted to flee and when finally cornered, engaged in a brief gunfight that left one of the three suspects… "**

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Joe?"

Florian spoke his name again minutes later and he looked up.

"Maybe… when we… I don't know, would you… "

This was all she managed as her words her choked off into a tight scream as Abel threw the car against its own brakes. Joe swore as he was flung against the side of the vehicle, his head slamming the window enough to send a stabbing pain through him. As his vision blurred with tears of pain, he could see the flashing red and blue lights that Abel was now driving very quickly in the opposite direction of. As they tore back the way they had come at a much higher speed, Joe was surprised to find that he didn't feel particularly worried. Instead, he leaned between the front two seats, noting Abel's furious expression and Florian's wide-eyed, frightened one.

"Got any idea how the hell they found us?"

As though bewildered that he was wasting time with such a question, Abel gave Joe a single brow-furrowed look before shaking her head and fixing her eyes on the road.

"My guess is that whatever deal Kenny offered you, he didn't give you the whole truth."

Florian muttered her disdain through gritted teeth with her hand gripping the overhead handle.

"Shocker."

Abel took a turn almost too fast and Joe felt the car slide very slightly against the asphalt.

"He probably sent these mongrels out way ahead of you even showing up; he probably had his crooked cops set up all over the county to cut off anybody he didn't want getting out."

Joe didn't feel the urge to tell her that Kenny was currently lying dead on the ground outside his compound and instead leaned back in his seat, holding on tightly while checking his two sidearms. The cock of his slide had Abel throw a glance over her shoulder, the red and blue lights flashing against her face.

"Expecting a fight?"

He shrugged, looking behind them and noting roughly four or so cars in pursuit.

"Hope not, but don't imagine that… "

Joe's eyes doubled in size as he looked to the right. There was no way Abel was looking in that direction while her eyes were locked on the road; he lunged for her shoulder, shouting.

"WATCH OUT, WATCH… "

The figure hidden just behind some brush on the side of the road tossed the spike strip at the perfect time. Joe felt the car jolt sharply beneath them just before a feeling of weightlessness overtook him. Then there came a great crashing sound as the world turned upside down and Joe saw lights as his head was knocked about; the vehicle came to rest moments later in a period of time that seemed to last forever in its noise and violence.

Clearing his throat, the only action Joe was able to make was to turn slightly before the pain from his collective wounds exploded across his entire form. He screamed into the leather against his face as his back, the hole in his torso and the fresh damage inflicted on him conducted a symphony of agony through him; as he momentarily saw black, a hand grabbed at his ankle. Gasping for air, he pulled his head to look and see Florian with blood streaming from a gash in her head crying and tugging at him. Joe grit his teeth as he shifted in the now upside down car before pulling himself through the shattered window after her, doing his best not to cut himself on the glass.

"Folks… this might be it."

As the brisk morning air played relief in his lungs, Joe looked to their left to see Abel against the side of the car, gun drawn. She was fairly beat-up looking, but there was still an intense focus in her eyes. Risking a glance over the underside of the car, Joe saw the headlights of the police vehicles shining down into the ditch and noting the forest just a jog ahead of them.

"We can make tracks for the forest there."

Abel followed his gaze and gave a slow sigh.

"We have no cover for a good twenty yards, that's a rough dash."

"I'll open up on them and you two scram. I'll follow once their heads are down."

He didn't look over at either of them as the sisters shifted their gaze to look at him. Pulling free his pistols, he grunted as just twisting in place was a painful task.

"On my mark."

Abel swatted his arm.

"Don't be stupid, that's an insane plan."

Closing his eyes, he leaned back against the bent metal of the car.

"If you have a better idea, go ahead and shoot, but we have very limited time here."

It didn't take much to know that what he was proposing was likely certain death for himself, but it hardly bothered him. Instead, he felt regret for not being able to keep his promise to Sasha and offered a silent prayer that she would be alright with the child on the way without him. He prayed too that if Mikasa was still alive, she was somewhere safe and peaceful, and if she wasn't, that she had passed on knowing how much he loved her.

He heard Abel take in breath to berate him again, but Florian spoke first.

"Abel."

She and Joe both looked to her; her long blonde hair casting a strange shadow over her face, she looked to the woods.

"Listen to him."

Four seconds of silence followed in which the shouts of the policemen no doubt sighting them up could be heard. Then, Abel shrugged.

"Alright."

She nodded to Joe who looked over at Florian a last time. She didn't return his gaze, only remained crouching, tears on her face, though the panic he had seen on her face not moments ago in the tipped car was now a distant memory.

 _I'll never be able to tell you how sorry I am and even if I could, it would never make a difference in how you feel towards me now. But… Florian, I'm so sorry._

He feared then that if he didn't act immediately, he'd never be able to watch her go.

And so he acted.

"Run."

As the both of them rushed away from the car, Joe straightened for what may very well be his last time, directing both his barrels towards the beaming lights; as said lights struck his form, he inhaled sharply, squeezing the triggers.

A great many thoughts pulled their way through him as he fired towards their pursuers. He thought to laughing in the back of the van with Historia, Ilse, Ymir and Sasha, he remembered Annie slamming him to the mat for the umpteenth time, he remembered holding Mikasa in the moonlight passing through his window. He remembered doing something very similar to this in the woods by the border that nearly had gotten him killed even though his odds had been much better than his current ones.

 _Maybe that's the point._

A second before darkness washed over him in an incredibly sudden and violent moment, as fire blazed from his hands, he smiled.

 _Maybe I'll get to see Mikasa again._

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"… **here we see the newly instated police chief Erwin Smith with a new face, that he referred to briefly in an interview as 'Levi' who will be on board as an advisor while this colossal and reverberating event continues to unfold. Smith didn't offer much to reporters outside the hospital he entered, but offered assurances that the situation was now under control, regardless of how chaotic everything seems to be."**

" **Uncovered by the new chief's teams were the locations of several bodies; civilians have been identified as Marco Bodt, Annie Leonhardt, Eren Jeager, and the promising candidate for mayor in the coming election, Armin Arlert. The current Mayor Reebs was taken in for questioning early this morning and it is unsure whether or not he would be placed under… "**

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Ymir became aware of several things at once.

She was standing in what seemed to be an airport terminal. It was larger than the one of their city, gates on the left and right with row after row of empty seats that seemed to stretch father than the eye could see.

The second thing that became apparent was how indomitably bright everything was. This seemed due to the white light that poured in from the windows outside; it wasn't bright enough that it hurt to look at, but it was powerful enough that she couldn't see anything outside the terminal she stood in. The building may as well have been surrounded by the sun.

The hardest hitting thing to Ymir then was that she wasn't dead.

She could very well have been in a purgatory for all she knew, or hell or heaven.

 _Or… or shit, whatever comes after life. But it sure looks like there's something._

It should have been very exciting to her that she had stumbled upon the great mystery of life after death, but at that moment, all she really wanted was to see someone else; she felt very alone.

"Hello?"

Her voice came out in a relatively loud, shaky pitch, but she was surprised to hear it echo a great distance and she wondered just how long this stretch of the terminal went, how many gates were between her and the end. It had to end, right?

She started to walk. As she did, she looked over to the help desks where attendants would usually stand to talk down upset and impatient would-be-passengers; at one point, she stopped and peered over one of the desks, half expecting to see an attendant huddled underneath. Confirming her doubt, she sighed and moved on.

The time she spent walking could have been a minute or hours, but it all shrank to irrelevance as she saw the very distant silhouette of a person standing just at the edge of her sight. Feeling urgency like she had never felt before, she broke into a sprint.

"HEY!"

Her feet pounded noiselessly against the rough carpet as she raced towards the only other person she had been able to spot while she periodically shouted. The figure was further away than she anticipated, but her lungs never tired and her muscles never began to ache.

 _Do I even have either anymore?_

"HEY! Hey, hey, hey… "

Ymir slowed as she finally neared the person, but as she did, her emotions overran themselves. She stopped a dozen yards from him as her relief became drastically outweighed by her anger; finally, he turned to look at her, eyes curious, yet flat.

"Damn. I thought I was alone."

Joe's voice, his face, his presence in that moment was too much. Ymir clenched her fists and allowed a barbaric grin to spread across her features. This was the afterlife; no need to worry about consequences to Historia or her baby or anyone else.

 _Finally… FINALLY!_

Roaring with all the pent-up fury her soul had harnessed, she launched herself at him, reaching for his throat. Rather as though he expected it, Joe sighed, gently opening his palms at his side in a gesture of no ill will. This didn't deter Ymir in the slightest, and she only slowed when she reached him and passed right through.

"What?!"

Looking back, she saw him still standing there, a slight wince on his face as though he were still expecting her to come barreling through him, but he opened his eyes at her exclamation, turning to face her. Brow furrowing in confusion, he flinched again as she swung a fist at his head and again, it didn't connect, simply passing through him as though he were made of smoke. As though concerned, Joe quickly made to grab his own arm, and it connected, but while his fingers wrapped around his forearm, he flickered like a candle. Moving his hands to his temples, he grunted.

"Ouch."

Ymir could only stare at him as she cursed fate for being so cruel once more; here he was, just the two of them and she couldn't so much as lay a hand on him. Dropping her hands to her side, she grit her teeth.

"That's not fucking fair."

The momentary flicker passing, Joe looked down at himself then back to her.

"Yeah, I agree."

They stared at each other, both of them falling at a loss for things to say. Finally, Joe raised a hand and pointed to her.

"Did you die?"

She nodded.

"Yeah. Klan found Historia, Ilse and me and I got my brains blown out diverting the Kluxers' attention while they escaped."

Joe processed this, before his mouth straightened in a line.

"I'm sorry to hear that."

Ymir snorted.

"Right. What happened to you?"

Blowing out a sigh that turned into a chuckle, he shrugged.

"Same as you, kind of. Cops chased Florian, Abel and myself until we wiped out and I took their attention while the both of them took off for the woods."

"And the cops gunned you down?"

He shrugged again.

"I guess."

Silence returned and the both of them moved their eyes from each other to look at their surroundings; half to herself, Ymir spoke.

"Where do you suppose we are?"

Squinting as though unsure of what he was seeing, Joe scratched the back of his head.

"From what I can tell, looks like an airport. Really bright though and… "

He took several steps towards and leaned in as though the gate in front of him was difficult to see.

"It's bright as all living shit, I really can't be sure of what else. It's not focusing too well for me."

Ymir cocked her head as she looked at him; it was very odd that he wasn't able to see the same things she was. To her, everything around them, while drowning in the incredible amount of light that shone from the windows, was in perfect clarity for her. And yet as she watched Joe attempt to examine his surroundings, he really did look as though he genuinely was having trouble making heads or tails of what he was looking at.

"I'm going to keep walking."

She spoke the words as directly as she could, but she still couldn't keep the invitation out of her tone. As much as she knew she still couldn't stand to see Joe, he was another person in this odd astral place and she would even rather have him at her side than to be alone once more. He looked to her and nodded.

"Good idea as any. Who knows, maybe there WILL be an end to this."

They began walking and the quiet that came as their footfalls made no sound was a strange relief to Ymir. The memories of everything that had happened before she had wound up here still stung real and true to her, and being able to just let all that pain, stress and violence was more peaceful than she could have imagined it being. Even thinking to Historia and Ilse and whether or not they would be safe seemed to be a reassuring thought in and of itself; because of her actions, they had managed to get away.

"Did you get to tell her you loved her?"

The question caught Ymir off guard, if not for its substance, but for how Joe's voice broke on it. She turned to see him with a sad smile on his face.

"Yeah."

Joe nodded and looked upward at the paneled white ceiling.

"I sort of figured you would have the wherewithal to."

A snide comment that essentially asked Joe the same formed on Ymir's lips, but she kept it to herself; some shred of the positive feelings she felt for him were enough to keep her in check.

"You… you never found her?"

Seeming to have anticipated the question, he seemed to almost try to avoid answering by coughing, but talked through it.

"No. She was gone when I got there and… I don't know. But she was gone."

Ymir would have been content to leave it at that. Knowing he was hurting was enough for her burning hatred to feel slightly satisfied, but he followed himself up very quickly.

"I know she wronged you. And I know you hated her, maybe more than you hate me."

He met her eyes and she believed him in what he said next.

"And believe me, I know she was in a dark place even when I met her. She was off the deep end the moment I kissed her that day in the rain."

His smile glowed then.

"But I don't care. I never cared, because I loved her."

Some of the old smartass Ymir hadn't seen truly since before he had disappeared crept into his tone and she felt a fresh urge to slap him across the face.

 _If only…_

"Just in case you really did believe that I only was with her because I was scared of her."

They resumed walking in the same blissful silence and Ymir pondered what he had said. Of course he feared her, they all had, even Annie, she imagined. But Joe didn't allow that to affect how he felt towards her. She was something more to him than something to be scared of; she had been broken and mad, yet Joe had chosen to trust his feelings and do what he could to make her happy. Which Ymir knew had to have worked as the smiles she had seen on Mikasa's face during the time they were together may have been the only true ones she had seen.

Smiling, she shook her head towards the ground.

 _Shit… am I actually sympathizing with this motherfucker?_

"Wait, wait, wait, hold up… "

Ymir looked to see Joe squinting at one of the screens behind on of the gate desks. In very clear digital words, it flashed its message towards them.

 **FOR THE TIRED, THE SOLD, AND THE SHOOTING STARS**

The pair of them stared at the words for several long seconds before Ymir spoke the truest question she had ever uttered.

"What the fuck?"

Joe laughed beside her.

"No kidding."

Several more seconds passed as the message imposed no more clarity over itself before he opened his mouth again.

"That's gotta be some kind of cryptic bullshit that we are supposed to take something from, but I'm just here and I can't even…"

He let out another pained groan and Ymir looked to see his very image flickering again. Watching him carefully, she tilted her head as his face contorted in pain.

"Are you alright?"

Tightening his lips, he growled.

"You'd think that being dead and all would stop me from feeling pain… yet here I am, feeling pain."

Straightening, he shook his head and gestured to the screen.

"Weird words aside… the jet bridge is open."

He was right; the doorway was open, but the bridge that would usually be lit leading to the plane was a dark, unsettling black, looking very out of place alongside the brightly lit terminal they were currently inside of. Stranger still was the glowing red 'EXIT' sign that glowed above the entrance. Ymir crossed her arms and stepped back.

"If that isn't some of the most uninviting shit I've ever seen… "

Joe made no comment and she took a step closer as something strange touched her hearing.

"Wait… do you hear that?"

It was muffled, almost like a walkie-talkie being stifled by a pillow, but it sounded to be conversation, carried between two voices of differing pitches. She took another step as they became slightly more intelligible.

"Joe?"

She looked back to see if he was paying attention to what had her fixated, but he was gone. Nothing behind her indicated he had ever even been present in the first place. Swearing as panic suddenly engulfed her, she ran back to the center of the wide, long walkway and looked up and down, but she was alone again.

"JOE!"

Nothing returned to her, not even an echo. But as it died away and she felt the panic chewing at her, the voices came from behind her again, down the jet bridge. Turning, she listened as they came to her more clearly. Words were almost distinguishable and she slowly walked back towards it, they became more and more so. She looked around once more for Joe, but he remained just as absent.

"… you think they would have at least told us something?"

"They? Have you forgotten where we are?"

"We don't know where we are, genius."

"And yet you're expecting some kind of answer from someone who may or may not exist."

"Yeah, like is this plane taking us to hell or heaven or neither? That would be fucking nice to know actually…"

As Ymir listened and the words came to her as clearly as the she could see her surroundings, she realized she recognized the voices. In that moment, she forgot about Joe, she forgot about trying to figure where she was, and a smile spread over her face unlike anything she had ever experienced.

 _Shooting stars, eh?_

And without any hesitation, Ymir walked under the 'EXIT' sign, eager to tell Ilse and Annie about everything that had happened.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

 **AN: Final chapter next week…**


	68. Chapter 68

**11 Years Later**

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Historia weaved her way through the street that split off into several cul-de-sacs, winding roads and adjoining neighborhoods. To any outsider, it would have seemed a very difficult task, navigating these suburbs with any kind of gauge for success, and while Historia had no GPS pulled up on the dash of her car, it didn't matter. She had spent days memorizing this route, so outsider or not, she knew exactly where she was going.

The address that served as her end destination had been provided to her in part by Florian who, while very occupied manning their father's business alongside Abel, had still taken the time to track down the residence Historia had requested. Doing so had taken her a considerable amount of time, much less because of where the house was located but rather due to tracking down any and all occupants within. She had spent many a night with her sister poring over possible aliases and likely locations, though they had not had any success until recently, weeks after the search had begun.

Florian had been the only person Historia could both expect to be tech-savvy enough to assist her and the only person with such skills she could trust. This aside, she had initially doubted whether or not Florian would be willing to help her.

" _Really."_

" _I need to. It will be the last time I'll ever have to look back, but I need to know. I know you don't want to have to relive any of what happened, but… "_

" _It's fine."_

She had been curt, but immediately willing and so the search had begun. And weeks later, they may still have been coming up empty except for an incredibly strain of luck that had flown their way. The very person Historia had been trying to find, under no aliases, not hidden away at some remote homestead, had moved into a suburb a several hundred miles away. If that hadn't been a shock enough, they had not moved into the house alone.

Florian and Historia had both been sufficiently stunned, and while Florian had reacted rather badly to the discovery, Historia couldn't keep herself feeling surprised for too long.

Of course it was going to be that way.

So she had taken the opportunity to immediately book two tickets; the suburbs were near enough that she was able to sell it to her daughter as a weekend trip to visit the Mall of America, somewhere Ilse had been craving to walk though for years since she had seen an advert in a magazine. Slightly surprised at this impromptu vacation, Ilse had eagerly packed her bags and ran through the house joyously, frequently letting her mother know how much she loved her. It was a heartwarming sight, but Historia couldn't keep the knowledge of why this trip was truly transpiring from keeping a full smile off her face.

And so, as they drove ever nearer to the house that she was rapidly growing a sense of dread about, it was hardly a surprise that Ilse was confused as to where they were heading and why they had left their hotel for some city-side neighborhood rather than what she knew would be the highlight of her trip.

"Mom?"

"Yes, honey?"

"Where are we going?"

As was so often the case with her child, Historia found herself once again having to explain something over that Ilse hadn't been paying attention to in the first place.

"I told you, I have a friend who lives out this way that I'd like to visit before we head into the city."

She wasn't inherently surprised either at the pouting that immediately commenced.

"But, Momma… "

"If you had just paid attention earlier, then you wouldn't be disappointed now."

"But the last time you met with a friend, that Hitch lady, you were in her house for HOURS, I was so BORED… "

"Sweetheart, I promise this won't be as long."

Looking as though she didn't believe her, but also as though she were now resigned to the situation, Ilse sat back; she likely figured she'd get to the mall eventually and for now, she just needed a bit of patience. Historia smiled gently as she reflected on the maturity of her child. Whining aside, she knew of plenty of children that would have thrown a fit after hearing this news, but looking back at her daughter now, it was clear she had accepted her circumstances for what they were.

 _And that's a promise I have every intention of keeping._

Historia had no desire to prolong this upcoming meeting for any longer than was necessary, but the multitude of questions she had made her worry she wouldn't have a choice.

 _Would… would I even be let in?_

Gasping quietly, she braked sharply as she realized she had been just about to drive by the number that she had so harshly engraved in her head. Ilse squeaked from the backseat as her mother came to rest on the side of the road opposite of the house. Heart beating with a sudden pace that only slightly had to do with her near miss, Historia glanced over her shoulder.

"Sorry… are you alright?"

Looking more exhilarated than anything, Ilse nodded. Returning the gesture, Historia handed her phone backwards.

"I won't be long."

Already opening her favorite game, Ilse nodded again, eyes already locked on the screen. Sparing a moment longer to look at her daughter, Historia cast her eyes down before stepping outside.

It was a warm, humid day she walked into; at the end of the road before it sloped down over a hill, she could see the hot-road mirage that made it appear to flicker. Heart thundering, she walked up the driveway and the two steps of the porch that preceded the modest, comfortable suburban residence, flexing her fingers as she did so.

As she stood in front of the door, she gave herself one last chance to back down and leave. It would be simple enough to tell Ilse that the person she had come to see wasn't home before peeling out of the neighborhood without looking back. The proposition was so tempting; what else could this bring but heartache?

 _It doesn't matter._

It didn't matter. She took in a long, calming breath before pushing the doorbell and listening to its muffled chime as it reverberated its message through the house.

For several long seconds, she wondered if no one really was home before distant footsteps against stairs and laughter echoed in the same muffled fashion. The footsteps drew near to the door and Historia's heart gave a single overpowering beat as it swung open.

"… I still have to make sure you get out of her on time, so get upstairs and changed before… "

She cut herself off midway through calling out to whoever else she shared this house with.

"… before… "

But alongside Historia, she was left speechless at the sight of her old friend.

Sasha had aged spectacularly, in that the only parts of her that had grown older had done so in a good way. She still had the same face, though she looked more mature in her expression; her hair still was tied back, but in a shorter ponytail than it had once been. She was dressed as though she were about to represent someone in court, and it made Historia very slightly aware of how she looked by comparison in her yoga pants and hoodie. Her face ran the gambit of several expressions, from shock, to happiness, to regret and then settling on resignation, the same emotion Historia had seen on her daughter's face.

"Hey, Sash."

Whether it was hearing her nickname or hearing it out of that mouth, Sasha sucked in air and blew it out in a disbelieving sigh.

"Hey, Historia."

At the same time, they reacted similarly.

"Do you mind if I come in…?"

"Do you want to come in… ?"

Then, they both smiled and Sasha stood back to let the blonde cross over the threshold into her home.

Inside was just as relatively modest as the outside. The living room, kitchen and den that all rested within eyeshot were filled with only the necessities; Historia found herself surprised with the lack of clutter that she often had associated with Sasha in the past.

 _Then again…_

Sasha gestured to the living room and Historia sat on the middle of the couch without a word.

"Do you want some coffee? I have some brewing here… "

As a memory brushed her, Historia looked at Sasha with a cocked head.

"I thought you hated coffee, Sash?"

The smile worn by her old friend faded.

"I do."

The first uncomfortable silence settled over them then before Sasha took a seat in a chair across from her. The long list of questions pummeled Historia's mind, but in that moment, only a gentle buzzing was readily available, a thought she couldn't put into words. Sasha was the one to speak first, and it was clear she also had a few questions of her own.

"How did you find… us?"

Hands on her knees, Historia replied, still in a mild state of disbelief that she was actually speaking to Sasha again.

"Luck. I had been looking awhile, but only recently did your name pop up as the newfound residence of this house here."

A touch of disapproval stuck with her then.

"Not even an alias?"

A thoughtful look on her face, Sasha leaned back as she crossed her arms.

"I didn't think I'd need one. I… "

A thud sounded from above them and she looked up with a smile.

"I paid someone a good bit of money to make this move-in very quiet, but it would seem that didn't quite go the way I wanted."

The elephant in the room remained, and Historia didn't feel the need to address it just yet; she instead posed a question of her own.

"How did you stay undercover so long?"

Sasha seemed to push away a grimace.

"Wasn't hard. Stayed with my folks awhile out in the bush until the whole Reiss thing blew over."

Knowing her friend's history with her family, Historia looked down.

"That must have been difficult."

Blowing out a snort, Sasha shook her head.

"It sucked, but it wasn't anything insufferable. I took off about five years after… well, after everything happened and paid a good bit to have someone set me up in a cabin out in the North Dakota boonies with a reliable signal. And from there… I started looking."

Historia hadn't even needed to bring it up herself; and as if on cue, a voice called from the top of the stairs.

"Hey babe, did you want to have your iron plugged in still?"

Rising partially from the couch, Sasha called back.

"No, you can take it out. Thank you!"

A quieter grunt of acknowledgement followed and quiet returned, and Historia realized her hands were shaking. Hearing Sasha's voice again was one thing, but hearing his was something else entirely. It was almost as though she had managed to convince herself these past near a dozen years that he had been nothing but someone she had dreamed up, but it was now coming back, hard-hitting as ever, the impact he had wrought on her life.

And he was now just upstairs.

She saw Sasha staring at her with a slightly fearful expression and realized too then that she was looking at the brunette with what was surely a judgmental look; she also found that she felt no need to correct that expression.

"Looks like you succeeded."

Sasha fidgeted in her seat nervously.

"Historia… "

"Didn't take a genius to guess at it, when I saw a 'Mr. and Mrs. Braus had moved in."

Eyes suddenly alight with a fiery glow, Sasha leaned forward, her face seeming to both be trying to intimidate and plead with Historia, with her voice dropping to a desperate hiss.

"Do you know how long it took me to find him?! I spent year after year following paths that I knew couldn't lead to anything other than dead ends, but I couldn't stop!"

Taking the turn to cross her arms, Historia threw hair out of her face.

"How DID you find him?"

Her own word was reflected at her as Sasha seemed to regain some of her control.

"… Luck. He had spent all the time I had spent hiding doing everything in his power to track… her… down."

Flicking her eyes around, Historia felt another pang rush through her.

"Considering what I'm surrounded by, I would imagine he never did."

In that moment, Sasha made a very strange motion as her face tightly clenched, but her words reflected none of that.

"He didn't."

Whatever Sasha was hiding apparently was something she wasn't remotely ready to give up, and Historia had no intention of prying; a heart-wrenching guess had already occurred to her and she didn't want it confirmed.

"So… you found him. Then, how did you make all this… "

She gestured around her.

"… happen?"

Cracking her knuckles abruptly, Sasha glanced towards the stairs as though expecting to see him there.

"Finding him was… very briefly a relief. He was obsessed with finding her, but it was worse than me. There was nothing to go on, everyone that Kenny or your dad had pulled off the grid was recovered or handed over in order to secure a sort of plea bargain. She wasn't among them in that first year when it all happened, but he kept digging, even after I found him, week after week of nothing."

Trying to ignore her feelings that swelled as she was reminded of Ymir, Historia listened attentively without interruption; it was true she didn't really know if Ymir had passed away on that mountainside, but it didn't take a lot of thinking to imagine that is what had happened. Historia had not kept a low profile after the publicity surrounding her father's criminal doings had surfaced; rather, she and her sisters had come out publically against him and attended his trial, after which they had utilized their position as his daughters to take control of his companies. And through all that, Ymir had never come for her.

 _I have to accept that._

She never had.

"It was… slow, but I started pulling him away from the possibility that she was still out there. It took another year, but he finally crashed and burned badly when he gave up. I had to be with him twenty-four seven as he kind of fell apart in the apartment he was holed up in. He cursed himself, cried, laughed like a crazy person, and for a while, I wasn't sure he would come around. I couldn't trust myself to take my eyes off him, I was so sure he might try and kill himself, you know? He was so lost without her… "

Sasha trailed off as her eyes glazed over ever so slightly before catching herself and continuing her story.

"It was months then of trying to rehabilitate him to normal life, and months more of helping him forget her as best as he was able."

She shook her head as memories surely were overtaking her mind's eye.

"It took two years after I found him before I finally took him to bed with me."

Historia cracked a flat smile.

"And now, here you are, a happily married couple, huh?"

Sasha caught the sarcasm and looked at Historia with steely eyes.

"You have no idea what I threw away just to have him in my life. I gave up on EVERYTHING else, EVERYTHING, and now, I finally think he loves me."

"The way he loved her?"

The question seemed to slam into Sasha as though the blonde had just thrown water in her face.

"I… I don't… "

In that moment, regardless of whether she still resented Sasha for what she had done, and how she had manipulated Joe's feelings back then, Historia couldn't help but feel sympathy towards her old friend.

"I'm sorry, I don't know why… "

Sasha shook her head quickly, and Historia noticed her eyes were shining.

"No, you have every right to… "

Unable to finish, she leaned back and sighed, hand on her forehead.

"You're right. I wake up everyday, so happy to be next to him, remembering watching TV, eating dinner and laughing the night before, making love, doing everything a couple should do and yet… "

Again, her gaze flicked to the stairs.

"And yet, no matter how much he seems to give me everything I want, I can still see the regret in his eyes."

As Sasha looked down, Historia watched a single wet circle appear on her pants.

"He won't ever let go of her."

Then, she looked up angrily.

"But I don't care. He's all I have now, and we're happy. And if you came to try and… "

Rather than feeling intimidated by the brunette's sudden hostility, Historia wearily raised her hands in a sign of goodwill.

"Sash, I don't care, what you've chosen to do, or what how you've decided to live. I just wanted to… "

From across the room by the front door, there came the sound of footsteps hurriedly making their way down the stairs and Historia stiffened.

"Sorry that took so long, I seriously couldn't find my wallet, but lo and behold, it's exactly where I left it which is of course the last place I decided… "

Joe stopped talking as he reached the bottom of the stairs, seeing the person sitting across from his wife in the living room of his house.

 _Oh, Christ._

The rush that came from seeing him was different than from when she had seen Sasha; at least with her, there was some semblance of nostalgia and joy that she could pick out from the time before then, but seeing him now only dredged up enough pain to make her grow briefly faint.

Somehow, he didn't appear to have aged hardly at all the way Sasha clearly had. His hair was still brown and thin, his face young and alive, though he now sported a handsome amount of scruff. From having a narrow frame aside from his broad shoulders when she had met him, he appeared to have put on a little weight; nothing serious, a very slight dad gut perhaps, but his arms pulled at the sleeves of his shirt as only built muscle could. Between him and Sasha, Historia wouldn't have been surprised if a child had come scampering down the stairs to complete the picture of a happy family.

She hated the thought.

Joe watched her with the same intensity that she was watching him; he straightened his tie and then pushed his hands into his pockets, shifting his weight. Finally, as enough seconds passed to make the moment properly uncomfortable, he nodded her way.

"Historia."

She didn't return the motion, but did so the verbiage.

"Joe."

More silence before a nearly earth-shattering buzz sounded from the coffee table between Sasha and Historia; the latter snatched up her phone and eyed it briefly before looking at the two other occupants of the room nervously. Rising to her feet, she spoke to Joe while keeping her eyes on Historia.

"I need to go… "

Swallowing, he acknowledged her distractedly, his eyes not leaving the blonde sitting on his couch.

"Yeah."

Seeming very unwilling to pull herself away and leave the two in company of each other, she still slowly paced towards the front door, stopping at Joe's side. When he didn't even seem to notice her, she pulled gently at his tie.

"Hey."

This seemed to momentarily take his attention and turned.

"Sorry."

Sasha leaned forward and kissed him, closing her eyes and holding for a good couple seconds. Historia noted then how similar in height they were and had a flash of a time when they had been walking through Hange's building, Sasha skipping along and poking fun at Joe who had been so hilariously uncomfortable at the time.

 _Now… I can barely stand to look at them._

Sasha pulled away, the unsettlement still clear on her face; she gave Historia one last look before sighing with an air of finality and walking out the front door. The blonde watched her go, distantly aware this would be the last time she would likely ever see her childhood friend again, and just as aware how little this seemed to affect her.

Joe remained standing and together with Historia, they listened to the garage door open and close as Sasha pulled out and drove off to work. The rumble of the car's engine had long faded before she dared to speak again.

"Is it really you in there?"

He gave his shoulders a gentle shrug.

"What do you mean?"

She hated how, his surprise aside, how relaxed he seemed to be.

"You're split personality bullshit. Dust."

His eyes glazed momentarily as though he hadn't even thought to that name in a long time.

"There was never a Dust. Or… maybe there was. But he's gone now."

"Gone."

A satisfied smile barely pulled at the corners of his mouth.

"Like the wind."

Historia didn't care to go into it any more than that. Whatever had caused Frieda to die all those years ago and whatever darkness Joe had been able to tap into didn't matter to her any longer. Joe had always been dangerous, it was just that occasionally she hadn't been able to recognize him. If Dust was really gone, then maybe…

 _No. Never._

"I thought you were dead. Abel and Florian… they told me… "

He gave a humorless smile and paced slowly into the room.

"That I died in a gunfight with the police? Not surprising, I'm sure they thought that's what happened."

Seeming to ponder his next words, he gripped the backseat of the chair Sasha had been sitting in.

"Technically, I did flatline for almost two minutes before they got my heart back online."

It was a chilling thought to imagine anyone lying in a hospital bed with a machine blaring a dead signal for that long before the consistent beating of a heart returned.

"Still, I don't blame them for not even trying to find me afterwards."

There was an undercut of resentment in his tone, but he didn't allow any anger to shine through beyond that; it struck Historia then how she wasn't entirely sure in all the years she had been working with her sister if Florian had mentioned him even once. Straightening slightly, she decided to see if he would spin a different tale than his wife.

"What happened to you? You know, after they shot you down?"

Clearly not being something he had thought about for a while, Joe put his hands behind his head and heaved a sigh.

"Woke up in a hospital days after going down in that ditch. The patchwork job that had been done on my gunshot wound, my back and the fresh couple holes in me were enough to make the doctors let me know in full how shocked they were I had survived. It was a miracle that I came back from the flatline."

His tone didn't reflect the awe that was commonly associated with miracles; rather, he seemed more put off than anything.

"Erwin, the good soul, came in to see me shortly after I woke up. Filled me in on everything that was happening, what I had missed since I had gone under."

Joe gave Historia a knowing smirk then.

"Seems you and your sisters didn't waste any time hanging your dad out to dry."

She bristled but made no response, and Joe carried on.

"He told me he could grant me what was essentially clemency and was willing to spin up a tale of how I had been held as a hostage for close to a year if I wanted… "

He froze then abruptly enough that Historia wasn't sure if her ears had suddenly stopped working.

"… my life back."

His eyes were unfocused and Historia leaned into the direction of his stare.

"With your parents and your brother?"

A few seconds ticked by before he wiped his forehead.

"Yeah."

Thinking to the high regards he had held for his family, Historia found herself in shock he hadn't taken that deal. If she had been granted a chance to go back to the way things had been at the end of high school before everything had gone wrong, she would have leapt for the opportunity.

"Why didn't you?"

Joe spoke then in a voice that was barely audible.

"I didn't deserve to."

A swell of nurtured annoyance pulled its way through her veins then and she eyed him with fresh contempt; here he still was, after everything that had happened, still playing the tragic hero card as though he had been granted nothing in his current state to value any happiness. He caught her look and his softened expression hardened instantly.

"Don't look at me like that."

She swallowed down her immediate anger to keep herself from shouting.

"You're sitting here living a perfect life with a woman who has chosen to abandon her fucking humanity for you, don't you DARE start talking yourself up like you deserved better than this."

Furrowing his brow, he cocked his head at her with an air of confusion.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

She could have exploded then and there, but he didn't give her a chance to.

"I don't doubt for a single second that of all my years I exiled myself searching for Mikasa… "

His voice broke on her name, but he recomposed himself just as quickly.

"… I could have taken the high road and went back to a life that would have given me peace, if not solace. And I don't doubt either that Sasha knows what happened to her or has a pretty good idea."

This caught Historia off guard. She had expected Joe to have fully bought into Sasha being the apologetic, shoulder-to-cry-on fallback plan and had taken that chance to run with it. But here he was, married with genuine doubts about his spouse, their happy and caring appearance towards each other be damned.

"You think she… ?"

It was a devastating stretch and Joe's face pulled at the edges.

"I don't know. And I don't care."

Historia was on her feet before she even heard her own words echoing back through her ears.

"Don't care?! Joe, for God's sake! She could have been responsible for you never seeing Mikasa again, she LIED about being pregnant to pull you away from… "

She stopped then as something odd occurred to her.

"You knew, right? That she lied? You must've… "

Joe seemed to slouch then, pinching at the bridge of his nose.

"It never came up. Years later when she found me, it never… "

"Are you kidding me?! How could it not… "

The very aspect of thinking about it seemed to pain him as he raised his hands.

"I know, I know, it should have, but… "

He seemed to be grappling with the very reality of the lie Sasha had told him as though each outcome were equally as unbearable.

"When she found me… and there was no kid, no nothing, I just assumed… "

Shooting him a short, derisive laugh, Historia threw herself back down on the couch.

"What?! That she miscarried? Got an abortion? You think with how much she claims to love you that she wouldn't have protected that pregnancy with every ounce of her being?"

As she stared at him, Joe's eyes almost seemed to plead with her as though he desperately wanted to avoid being forced to accept this. He finally grit his teeth and looked downward.

"She's never asked for kid. Not since we were married, not even since we started being together. I think… I think you're right, but… she'll have to be the one to bring it up, not me."

He smirked then.

"Kids don't usually work out so hot with me."

Historia couldn't believe that he was willing to live under what he knew to be a lie, but she couldn't force him to confront Sasha over it and regardless, this wasn't why she had made the journey out. Joe looked up to her when she didn't continue grilling him and spoke to exactly what she was thinking.

"Why did you come to see us, Historia? I've seen you and your sisters in the news, on TV, I assumed you'd be happy to never look back even though you must've gone out of your way to come and find us."

She considered lying about her initial goal, but there was no reason to. It just hurt a little more to not.

"I originally just wanted to know if Sasha was alive. I didn't want or need to see her, but I figured at least knowing would give me some peace of mind, since she… "

The gravity of what she was saying cut her off briefly.

"… since she's the only one I know that made it out. But when Florian and I finally found her and saw she had a husband who had taken her maiden name, I changed my plans."

He watched her carefully, no doubt assessing her to see if she was telling the truth. After a long pause, he posed a question to her almost hesitantly.

"How's Florian?"

She could sense what almost seemed to be longing in his voice and she wished desperately that she could tell him that she was happily married and had forgotten him years ago, but of course, that wasn't true.

"She's surviving."

Joe's eyes silently asked her for elaboration.

"Well, you've seen the news; she, Abel and I have been responsible for turning our father's company into something respectable again and his bad publicity has certainly helped. She keeps busy."

She put as much accusation into her voice as she could then.

"As far as I know, and we are very close, she's been single ever since our father was put behind bars."

He seemed to consider this and his tone was a gentle level of depressed as he refused to meet her angry gaze.

"She should find someone. She's beautiful, smart, and one of the best people you could ask to be at your side when you're hurting."

"I know."

There was some terrible part of her that wished he would file divorce papers now and beg for Florian's forgiveness if only to see her sister show some form of real happiness. She didn't know if her sister would ever be willing to allow Joe back in her life after she had seen everything what he was capable of and how much he had been willing to hide, but even just the chance was something so tempting to try and make work.

"She didn't want to come, I imagine."

And as Joe absently muttered those words, Historia received the only answer she needed to hear.

"No, she didn't."

Joe sighed.

"She always deserved better than me anyway."

 _She did._

Slowly, he turned his eyes to her.

"Why are you here?"

As the question resounded in her head, she knew this was her last chance to decide whether or not this was something she was going to go through with, but even while she questioned this in her head, she realized she was back on her feet.

"Follow me."

He looked at her with a frown, but as she gestured to him, he slowly rose and walked across the living room; she led him past the front door to the window just to its left. Pulling back the blind, Historia looked out and around before her eyes adjusted on what she was looking for.

"Look just there. Across and a little further up the street."

When he didn't follow her request, she looked back to see him eyeing her oddly. She sighed.

"Just do it, please."

Hesitantly, he came up alongside her and looked out, squinting at the sun. She watched him as his expression remained passive and confused, to a bout of realization and then from there to thunderstruck.

"Is that… "

She didn't need to confirm it, and instead opted to continue watching as his breathing became noticeable and shallow.

"She looks… she looks just like you."

Historia feared she would break down if she looked at her daughter then, so she distracted herself by saying everything she had practically recited in the hotel mirror the previous night.

"She's top of her class as far as marks go and she'll be going into Honors next year at middle school. She's a fantastic second baseman and pitcher for her softball team and she's fascinated with dinosaurs."

Tears blurred her vision then as Joe whispered, eyes never blinking.

"I always liked dinosaurs."

Clenching her eyelids and allowing them to leak, Historia steadied herself with a deep breath.

"I wanted you to see her, but I can't let you talk to her."

She almost expected him to spin on her, demanding a reasoning for that, but as he always had been so good at doing in the past, he surprised her.

"Because of Ymir."

Joe shook his head ever so slightly as he looked at his daughter perched in Historia's rental car, not twenty yards away.

"I don't suppose you ever want me to talk to her?"

It felt so briefly, incredibly good then to slap him across the face with as much strength as she could muster; he reeled, bringing a hand up to his cheek and Historia shook her hand as it stung violently.

"Want?! Fuck you, Joe. All I want is for her to have a father figure in her life, but the one I would choose for that role is dead and yes, because of her, it will never be you either."

He watched her as she glared at him furiously.

"I would be so happy to introduce you to her now, to show her there is someone else in her life she can talk to when I'm not around, someone to be there for her if I can't, but you will never be the person I want you to be."

Joe nodded matter-of-factly.

"Because of Ymir."

Her heart burned as she repeated her answer back to him.

"Because of Ymir."

They stared at each other a moment longer before Historia shook herself free of her emotions as difficult as that was to do.

"I should go."

He didn't contest this and she moved around him for the front door; she had reached the point where she was very much hoping she wouldn't have to even look at him again. Wrenching open the front door, she stepped out into the hot once more.

"Don't think a single day goes by that I don't regret meeting you in that park."

Holding in a sob, she didn't look back.

"Goodbye, Joe."

She walked around the house, down the driveway and across the street; climbing into the car as quickly as she was able, she looked back as a gentle tap landed on her shoulder.

"Mommy… why are you crying?"

Historia looked into Ilse's eyes, those same eyes that she had just been glaring into not a minute ago and pulled her daughter into a tight hug. Choking down another sob, she turned the key and screamed a subconscious curse at herself as she looked towards the front door she had just stormed out of, but it was closed and no one looked out at her from the window.

 _Just a dream._

Pressing her foot on the gas, she pulled the car into a u-turn and began driving back towards the city.

"Mama, who did you go to see?"

She could sense the worry in Ilse's voice, but as the distance between her and that last meeting grew, she felt a strange sense of calm that allowed her answer to come out straight and quiet.

"No one."

END

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

 **SUPER DUPER IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE BELOW, PLS READ THX GUYZ**

 **Wow, over two years and this two-parter finally comes to a close and its very important to me that I say all of the following. Firstly, a big and proper thank you to everyone who's stuck with this through my inconsistent updating; from periods I couldn't write, to times where chapters went through severe revisions or were rewritten entirely, I was never able to keep either of these stories in a place where I could get to them on a consistent basis. That being said, the traffic graphs inform me that didn't stop a surprisingly large group of people from hanging in there and giving every chapter a read, all the way until the end. Thank you so much for that, I'm sure it hasn't been an easy ride.**

 **Secondly, thank you so much to everyone who took the time to leave a review or send along a PM with theories, praises, complaints, love, hate, disgruntlement, or what have you: you are the people who really made this happen. Even a single sentence review is one of the most heartening things I am able to receive as it lets me know that someone somewhere believed that my writing was worthy of feedback and that is worth so much to me. I'll never be able to thank you all enough for letting me know your thoughts as they're usually what have given me the gumption to continue writing the next chapter when my motivation was doing poorly.**

 **Lastly and following in the previous vein, I'll extend a request for two things: number one, I'd love very much to hear what your thoughts on the story as a whole, things you would have liked to see, things you wouldn't change, opinions overall. It's a little cheap to ask for that, but it's something I can't help but ask as I would be overjoyed to hear what will likely be the last feedback this story will receive.**

 **Number two, if you have any story requests or ideas you would like to see me do a fic on, I'd also love to hear those. I plan on returning to a fic I've put on hiatus while I was finishing this one, but as I may have more time to write in the future, thoughts on other fics people would like to see could never go amiss. I'm most comfortable writing SNK characters as is obvious, but I wouldn't mind doing something with the Tokyo Ghoul characters if I can generate a good situation. So not me demanding either reviews or story requests by any means, but it would be over the moon to read anything of the like.**

 **So I'll sign it off here with a last, mushy thank you, for giving me the chance to put this story to the site and sticking with me every step of the way… maybe I'll catch you in the next story.**


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